Discussing The Abandons With Abandon

Dave: [0:11] This is the Extra Extra Hot Grape Podcast, episode 385 for the December 6, 2025 weekend. I am scathing pitchfork review David T. Cole, and I'm here with martyred cow Sarah D. Bunting. Sarah: [0:30] On the horns of a dilemma. Dave: [0:34] Frontier lip filler Tara Ariano. Tara: [0:36] That's right. Sarah: [0:41] Ugh. Tara: [0:46] Welcome to Extra, Extra Hot Great for another weekend. Dear listener, we're so grateful for your support. We're so glad you're here. And we do have to tell you why this episode is going to be a little weird. Here's what happened. We recorded this last week, two weeks ago. We recorded this recently with a lead topic about The Hunt, which is an Apple TV show where that already had its screeners on the Apple TV Plus screener site. It was supposed to drop on December 4th, and then abruptly last week, as we're recording this on November 24th, Apple announced it was pulling the hunt. Did not explain why, but it seemed like it was related to a recent news report about similar subject matter. The hunt is about people getting hunted seemingly for sport in the French woods, and it coincided with a story about that possibly happening in Bosnia in the 90s. So maybe they're just waiting for a tasteful length of time to pop it out. We did already record the segment on it, so we may revive it. But for now, we are doing a whole new lead segment on the abandons. And we'll get to that in a second. But that is why the rest of this episode after this segment is going to have references to France, French hunts and hunting humans for sport. OK, we did what we could. It's not our fault. Apple TV had to mess with their schedule. All right, let's get into the abandons. Tara: [2:16] It's 1854, and while the town of Angels Ridge in Washington Territory may have a mayor, played by Patton Oswalt, it is actually run by Constance Van Ness, Jillian Anderson. When she's not letting her children harass other townsfolk, she's trying to aggrandize herself, but that might be hard if her silver mines keep underperforming, making them a less attractive investment for a certain Mr. Vanderbilt. Tara: [2:40] Constance has been trying to buy the abandons, potentially silver-rich land that Fiona Nolan, Lena Headey, is using to ranch cattle. Because Fiona refuses to sell, Constance and her underlings enact nefarious plans to try to force Fiona into giving in, but then something happens at the ranch that unites Fiona and her neighbors in keeping a dark secret from Constance. The show was created by Kurt Sutter, best known for Sons of Anarchy. The whole season dropped on Netflix December 4th. We got the first seven episodes. We may talk about events for many of those, potentially. Let's do the Chen check-in. Sarah, should our listeners watch The Abandons? Sarah: [3:18] I don't actually know. I'm done for reasons that I will explain, but this was just a little too dark. It was like too heavy and not the actors couldn't pull it along for me. So I will say no. And you can base your own choices on why it's no. Tara: [3:37] Dave. Dave: [3:38] Dark stuff happens, but I didn't think the whole series felt dark enough for what was going on. I thought they should have gone further along in that spectrum. That's what I found uncompelling about it. And that mismatch, I agree, is there. So I will say probably not on this one. Tara: [3:55] Yeah, this feels like a middling AMC original kind of a show. Dave: [4:00] This feels like a more dangerous Western neutered by trying to appeal to the Yellowstone crowd. Tara: [4:07] Yeah, the Yellowstone prequel crowd. Sarah: [4:10] Also, yeah, good call. Tara: [4:11] Yeah, it's a nah for me as well. Let's get into it. But first, we should give a content warning here for the dark stuff in the premiere. There is a sexual assault, although it's mostly off screen. CGI cattle are imperiled right away. and there's a very good doggie who does not make it, although her death happens off screen as well. I'm going to go to Dave first because we've watched some very good Westerns on Netflix. We watched American Primeval earlier this year with Betty Gilpin and Taylor Kitsch, Godless from a few years back with Merritt Weaver and Michelle Dockery. It was another, what's the name of that guy? Now I'll have to look it up. The guy that did Department Q. Dave: [4:44] Roy Cahoon? Tara: [4:46] No. Dave: [4:46] The guy's always standing. Tara: [4:48] I'll look it up in a second. Dave: [4:50] Talking? Tara: [4:50] The Department Q guy. Why did this one not hit for you slash us other than to go into more detail to what you already said? Dave: [4:58] Yeah, sure. Well, I think the show does inhabit a very uncompelling middle ground in Western, let's say, spectrum. Like if you start with something old and classic, like High Noon or something like that, and then you move to the Abandons and Deadwoods after the Abandons and then American Primeevals after Deadwood and then like Bone Tomahawks at the end of that spectrum. as far as the brutality of the Old West and the shit that happens in the Old West because it is basically every person for themselves. It is somewhat lawless, et cetera, et cetera. This wants to be Deadwood American Primeval, but it's not getting there. Dave: [5:37] But the storyline of it is hinting that it wants to go there, but it doesn't. It's just not brutal enough, I think, for what they're trying to do, especially if you hear that it is the Sons of Anarchy guy I let loose on a streaming platform where you can do more. You figured it would be. more but it sort of feels neutered to me and i don't know what if it would have been better lighter or heavier like i mean who cares that's not what we got right but i feel like they wanted to go darker than they did was obviously like the first episode's got a whole bunch of horrible shit that's going into it so did american primeval oh yeah but that felt like a gut punch where this one just kind of felt like they were holding it back also though in the first episode is just sort of a mess geographically. Like they are, they, the abandons and sort of like-minded ranchers or settlers or whatever they're called here that are up against the Van Ness family. They are constantly in the first episode, just going in between their places, having meetings, meetings fail. Three minutes later, let's try it again. Like, I swear to God, there's like five travelings to other ranches in one episode. It's just like, okay, you got to take another stab at the screenplay and just like consolidate that, streamline it. So I'm not having like Western meeting fatigue 40 seconds into the first episode. Tara: [6:59] Yeah. This isn't Desperate Housewives, guys. Dave: [7:01] The other thing I thought was, well, not strange, but unfortunate is that they have some good actors at the top of the bill here, like especially Gillian Anderson. She is just sort of like there. She's doing a lot of holding in the fart faces. Tara: [7:17] Yep. Dave: [7:17] And she's very sort of stoic character. But also, I feel like I'm supposed to feel more menace from this character than I do. I feel like she was supposed to be this show's hearse. Tara: [7:28] Yeah. Dave: [7:28] You know, from Deadwood. And she doesn't really come across that way. I didn't really feel like I was that scared of her or that she was a force of nature here. So it's just a lot of like, didn't get their elements. Tara: [7:39] And Sarah, you said it was too dark for you. So what I'm reading between the lines is you wanted something more like when calls the heart. Just kidding. Sarah: [7:46] Always. Just kidding. I am not a big fan of, like, I understand that like that was life on the frontier, but it just felt gratuitous. I understand that beasts perished, and it still happens on farms, and that's life. But the way it was done just felt like, do you have enough balls to keep watching after we bounced a cow Homer Simpson style down the side of a cliff? Like, I'm getting paid to be here. You won't run me off that easily, but actually, no. But I mean, I think I had the good with Dave. Sarah: [8:33] I think I had that like middle ground problem with some of the dialogue that it couldn't seem to decide between an extremely stilted and formal 1850s diction or affectation and a more modern death by lightning approach where it's like, just have people talk the way you would believe these actors talk. You have to commit to whatever level of diction or timing of diction you're going with. If you're going to do the Dickinson thing, do it and don't flip it back in a single character's monologue. I mean, that just sort of extended to the entire project in terms of like, I mean, it isn't quite dark enough because they are kind of holding back on really powerful, pushing what would happen in a situation like this. All of this by way of saying, I think this is an excellent premise for a movie. I think that would have let Jillian Anderson's character really be a little more overt in her, I am happy to let my shitty rapey fail son die in order to false flag him to take over this land. Great. You only need 105 minutes with the story, in my opinion. I'm not watching any more cows bouncing down the side of the hill. Dave: [9:54] Speaking to your point, I feel like they let the actors make too many decisions about their characters. And I think that kind of speaks to why some of them feel like they're in the old-timey West, and others feel like they have dressed up from 2024 when this was filmed and are now on a set in remote. Alberta, shooting this stuff. When you look at, say, Deadwood, not everybody liked that, what do they call it? American Shakespeare, is that what the style of speaking and everything? But everybody committed to it. I liked it. I thought there was a rhythm to it and everything, but that is sort of somebody with a strong hand up top saying, this is the way this world has to be. And maybe the show is missing that because it does feel a little tonally and linguistically least schizophrenic sometimes. Tara: [10:43] Scott Frank is the name of the creator of Department Q that I was trying to get up. He made Godless as well, which is also on Netflix. I think it didn't help that every shot from Jump looked so fake. I assume they built at least a few storefronts for the town, but they looked too brand new, and the blue skies and green grasses were too blue and green. It looked like a screensaver. Dave: [11:06] Yeah. The very first shot of the series is an establishing shot of Angel's Ridge, the town that they're in or the area that they're in. It's framed by two buildings on the side. And I swear to God, you can see the building shimmer, the CGI. Like the CGI isn't solid. There's something moving. It's not in sync with the background. So it kind of looks like it's a little like a balloon house, just sort of like bobbing in the wind a little bit. So there's lots of little strange things like that. At the end of the first episode, you finally get the title at the end. You're like, oh, my God. Like Tara said, this is definitely filmed in Canada. And it feels like they did the title treatment in Canada because it just I can't quite tell you why. I think it's because it was supposed to be like the last little bit of sunset. And then the title is supposed to be very faint. But then they didn't have the courage of the conviction. So then they decided to make it bone white after it faded out. And it just looks like something you would make on your computer in like 2002. two and it's just like it's all types of wrong. Yeah. It was just like a lot of things that build up and you're just like it's not quite there. And yeah and the CGI scenes sometimes they weren't right. Tara: [12:16] Yeah. Dave: [12:17] They weren't right. Tara: [12:18] One of the choices I think you're referring to that the actors got to make was Gillian Anderson's accent, which is real crunchy. I think we can agree. But also because she's coming off playing one of history's biggest villains, Margaret Thatcher, in The Crown. There's kind of a ceiling for me to how evil Constance can be, at least in these first couple of episodes. Dave: [12:41] Look, she's wearing that giant hat in this show. Tara: [12:43] She is. Dave: [12:44] That's doing 20% of the acting, at least. Tara: [12:47] That's true. Dave: [12:48] Like, literally, the whole family gathers under her for shade. Oh, mommy, thank you. Sarah: [12:55] Which, it's Washington territory. You're getting plenty of shade. Tara: [12:58] Yeah. Dave: [12:59] I love Westerns, generally. I mean, I love modern Westerns. I can't stand shit from the 50s and stuff like that. Tara: [13:05] Yeah. Dave: [13:05] Those Westerns. But I love a modern Western. This didn't feel right. It kind of didn't feel like it was Western-y enough. Tara: [13:13] Mm-hmm. Dave: [13:13] There's a few good moments. Judicious use of Patton Oswalt. Tara: [13:18] That's true. Something happens to him after the premiere that is kind of the funniest thing that could happen to him. Dave: [13:26] They released the whole thing, right? Tara: [13:27] We won't spoil. Yeah. Yes. They're all out by the channel. We're in the spoiler zone. We'll do a little spoiler thing. Dave: [13:32] All right. Tara: [13:32] Let's do it. Spoiler! Dave: [13:36] So at the cold open of episode two, there's just like a giant fucking grizzly bear walking around town snooping stuff. And the mayor is just having like his morning scone or something like that. He like walks outside. There's just like the giant blood spray on the on the window of the city hall, I guess. And then like the next scene is people in the town gathering. And there's just like the smallest bit of him left. There's like one limb left and the rest of us just stumps and viscera everywhere. And I felt like at that moment, I was like, oh, maybe they turned around and like maybe it just suffered from first episode-itis. But no, that was just like the one moment where you're like, oh, this is sort of I feel like where they wanted to go with a lot of this, but never got there. Tara: [14:19] Yeah. Dave: [14:19] But that was that was great because he literally has like four lines in episode one. And then his contribution to episode two is getting eight. Tara: [14:28] Leaving the bottom half of him in the thoroughfare. Yeah. Dave: [14:33] A ton old. Tara: [14:36] But then what happens is they put together like a posse to go and hunt this, you know, voracious grizzly bear. And then it's like, oh, there he is. And someone shoots him like, okay. Dave: [14:45] And they're setting up this like crazy ass Jurassic Park goat or pig trap. Tara: [14:49] Yeah. Dave: [14:49] Where the pig's going to be gutted and then left there as bait. And there's like this giant fucking whore's hammer. Whore's hammer. Thor's hammer. Leave it there. The giant whore's hammer. Just like tree size, ready to come down on the bear once it's eaten the pig. I was like, all right, I'm here for this. Let's see how this goes. Nope. They just shoot it. Tara: [15:13] Yeah. Dave: [15:13] It's like, did they have that whole scene in mind? And then somebody said, we don't have the CGI budget to cave in a bear skull? I think that's what it was. Sarah: [15:23] The hammer in episode two drops in episode whatever. Like, we'll never know. Yeah, it's sort of funny if like some other Van Ness kid is wandering under it eating a popsicle and then splatola. Dave: [15:36] Can we please make a shirt or a sticker that says Chekhov's whore hammer? Tara: [15:43] He's writing it down, folks. Sarah: [15:45] He's writing it down. Dave: [15:46] That's the next ASCII SG prize. Chekhov's whore hammer. Tara: [15:50] So, as we already said, Lena Headey and Gillian Anderson are sort of the two matriarchs of the town. Who are the other standouts for you in the supporting cast, if any? Sarah. Sarah: [16:01] I mean, everyone has the puby beards, and it's a little hard to tell people apart. Tara: [16:09] Well, except Brian F. O'Byrne, who has a real giant beard that looked very real to me. Dave: [16:14] I mean, the other problem is so many people look like other people in this show. Tara: [16:17] No, it's true. Sarah: [16:18] Yeah, that's true. Dave: [16:19] It's like, oh, is that Anne Hathaway? No, it's Fance Hathaway. Tara: [16:23] Anyway, Sarah, you were saying. Sarah: [16:24] I mean, so him and the stuffed dog from F.A.O. Schwartz's looks dead alike collection that he had to lug around in the last scene of the premiere. But no, not really, because everyone is sort of grimed up, which that's a peril of the Western and of also medieval and Renaissance tales that it's like no one has invented soap, as we understand it, or loofahs, so good luck telling everyone apart until they talk. Dave: [17:05] I would love to see a loofah salesman go through town. Sarah: [17:08] Yeah, and it's like actual sponges from the sea that are screaming, take us back. Like I said, it was a good idea that they didn't, I feel like they felt like they didn't have time or CGI resources or whatever to do quite enough world building that would make me interested to keep watching over a longer time. Ergo, they should have shortened up the run time. Tara: [17:35] Dave, any one that you were really struck by in this supporting cast? Dave: [17:39] Not really. I was just like, for everyone, I was like, oh, there's a better equivalent in something else. Like, hired hand they bring in to start looking for the son as soon as he's missing. I'm like, oh, that should have been Titus Welliver from Deadwood. That character is basically the same character. He's like a hired heavy. The priest that comes in, it's like, oh, that's Ed Harris from Appaloosa or whatever that one was called. There's so many people that are like, your face is too much like other faces that have been in Westerns, and you're just making me think of the other faces. Tara: [18:09] Yeah. Dave: [18:09] Except for Lena Headey with her giant lips. Tara: [18:14] Oh, my God. Sarah: [18:14] Her face also made me think of her old face. Tara: [18:17] Yeah. I mean, God bless. I hope she's happy with the results, but maybe next time let that filler settle a little longer before you're supposed to show up at set because you just kind of look like you're having an allergic reaction. Sarah: [18:30] Mm-hmm. Dave: [18:43] Oh i'm supposed to say what this is this is ask ehe and of course with that theme you love, all right here we do the, Oh, yes. All right. This is an advanced record, so we don't have Ask Ask EHD judgment for you. So we're just going to go right into your questions for us. Thank you once again for submitting all of those. These primarily come from our Discord, but you don't even need to be on Discord to fill it out. It's in the show notes. Just click on that. Google form will open up. Plop in your question there. We will answer it. First question this week comes from Damon. You're going on a three-hour tour and will wind up stranded on a desert island indefinitely. Tara: [19:30] No! Dave: [19:31] Recast Gilligan's Island. It was just a show, Tara. It's Gilligan's Island. Tara: [19:34] Oh, phew. Dave: [19:35] With analog characters from other TV shows. I think I changed this prompt a little bit from his original. Tara: [19:40] Ah, okay. Dave: [19:40] Apologies, Damon. All right, Tara, recast Gilligan's Island with analogs from other TV shows. Tara: [19:46] Okay. My Gilligan, just a gormless fuck-up, is going to be Andy from Parks and Recreation. Dave: [19:52] Mm-hmm. Tara: [19:52] As the skipper, Captain Jason from Below Deck, because he's a big deal, I guess. Sarah, can you confirm? Is he from one of the Below's decks that you don't watch? Sarah: [20:00] I stopped watching that in the before time. I don't know. Sorry. Tara: [20:04] All I know is Heather Gay is claiming they fucked, and he's saying they didn't. So I just know he's like the hunk of the moment on Bravo. Sarah: [20:11] King. Yep. Tara: [20:12] For Millionaire and His Wife, it's going to be Joe from Sabre, the Kathy Bates character from The Office, the later moments of The Office. And as his, instead of a wife, it's going to be her two Great Danes. The movie star is Rainier Wolfcastle from The Simpsons. And as the professor in Marianne, I really got stuck on Joey from Dawson's Creek as Marianne. So therefore the professor had to be, sorry, Sarah, Professor Wilder, a.k.a. Ken Marino from Dawson's Creek also. Sarah: [20:40] I considered him. Dave: [20:41] Wow. Sarah: [20:42] I considered him. Tara: [20:43] Sarah! Dave: [20:44] Yeah, Sarah, what do you got? Sarah: [20:45] I really just went crazy with this because I sort of was stuck on like, I'm going on the three-hour tour. Am I then Marianne? Am I the boat? Like, okay, so I guess I'm the minnow. Dave: [20:59] You're the documentarian. Sarah: [21:01] Okay, got it. Regardless, this is going to be a real odd lot because I did this question last and that's what happens. Gilligan is Steve Urkel. Yes, he did do that. The skipper is Norm Peterson. The millionaire and his wife are Jackie, April Sr. and Rosalie. Like I told you, don't ask. The movie star is Valerie Cherish. At last. Congratulations, Valerie. The professor is Dr. Charlie Epps from Num Three Years. and Marianne is Sarah Walker from Chuck because apparently Marianne worked at a store before going on the tour. So might as well have someone competent and then maybe we won't be stranded quite so indefinitely that they have to like colorize the show. Dave. Dave: [21:44] All right, Mike Gilligan is Kenneth Parcell from 30 Rock. Tara: [21:47] Nice. Dave: [21:48] My skipper, because I think in the show, they sort of hint that the skipper was like in the shit in the war and like he probably snapped some necks and did some things. I'm going with Red Foreman from that 70s show. Tara: [22:02] That's good. Dave: [22:02] The Millionaire, I thought Tara was going to take Logan Roy. So I'll take that. But my alternate was Mr. Burns. Tara: [22:09] Yep. Dave: [22:10] His wife, Lucille Bluth from Rest of Development. The movie star is Joan Holloway from Mad Men. Tara: [22:16] Okay. Sarah: [22:16] Oh, yeah. Dave: [22:17] The Professor is Spock from Strange New Worlds. And my Marianne is Winnie Cooper from The Wonder Years. Sarah: [22:24] Oh, I like those. Dave: [22:25] All right. Seekin, what show has been on your gonna watch it someday list the longest? R.D. Bundy, you must go first for this question. You have the longest list. Sarah: [22:34] I mean, it's true, but my iteration of the list is not strictly chronological. It exists outside of time and conventional dimensions. But let's go with the Deutschland 83 suite of shows. Always hopeful that I'm going to get to it on a long break. And hopefully, as you're listening to this, that is what I'm doing. Dave: [22:51] You ever use or see one of those mind mapping software packages where it sort of like puts all these things on vertices and it's like a 3D map and you kind of go in and out? I feel like that's your list. It's just not really a list. It's sort of like a 3D sphere of things that have interrelations and that are inscrutable. Sarah: [23:13] It's sort of like the user interface for the wizardry game from the 80s, where it's just like you're in a lot of hallways and it's very basic 3D mapping. And then occasionally there's an orc. Dave: [23:26] Well, anyway, I'll flip the script and say I don't really have that list. I have the imaginary list. I say I'll put it on so we can stop talking about it as in, oh yeah, the expanse is definitely going on that list. Sarah: [23:41] Oh, I use mine for the same purposes. Dave: [23:45] Yeah. Tara: [23:45] Sex in the city. I've actually started a rewatch a few months ago so I could write about it for crack. I think we all know what happened there. Dave: [23:52] Oops. Tara: [23:53] So I have not been back to it, but you know, we are going to need a show to replace Dawson's Creek in again with this next year. So we'll probably have to start talking about one of those type of shows pretty soon. Sarah raising her eyebrows like it's not going to be sex in the city. Sarah: [24:10] Yeah, that's going on Dave's list for for Buncee. Dave: [24:14] All right. EC fell thinking about the bizarro Jerry episode of Seinfeld. What would the bizarro extra hot great podcast be like? I managed to string together three sentences without having to edit it later. The host of I Eat Cereal But Please No Gifts mentions our podcast for a change. And Sarah goes a fortnight without referencing The Sopranos. Tara. Sarah: [24:39] All right. Tara: [24:40] I like this show so far, but the actual Bizarro Extra Hot Grape podcast is the smartless show I Need You Guys that just launched last month. First of all, because it's two guys and one lady. It's Gabe Liebman and Max Silvestri with Jenny Slate. Second, the lady is kind of a tech imbecile from what we have heard so far and by her own estimation. They had to send someone from Smartless HQ, like, to her home to give her a computer because she just couldn't run Zoom on hers. Third... Jenny Slate revealed in the most recent episode of Our Timeline that she does not own a TV and watches movies with her husband on a MacBook Air. And fourth, they apparently do nothing to prepare, whereas I hope the listener can tell we prepare actually quite a lot. So even though I am, as I said, enjoying this podcast so far, that's the one that is most opposite of us. Sarah? Sarah: [25:32] Non-stop audio bleed and absolutely no editing. It's completely disorganized. organized. Tara would be a uber capitalist and I would rhapsodize about sci-fi shows while never cursing and winning game time every week. That's how you know I'm a hostage. Dave: [25:48] And absolutely no farting on Mike. Tara: [25:51] Yeah. Dave: [25:53] Sarah Jane Coles, that's with a K, not me, is currently running an ad with Ellie Kempner and insert name here that I find delightful. I think they would make a great pair on a buddy cop show i challenge you to name a similar pairing of current nba player and female comedy actor and the type of show they would star in together anybody want to take a crack at that name please feel free i'll insert it in the spot. Tara: [26:17] Sure it's giannis, antith antetokounmop nope no idea it's some some long greek name that starts with an a he's an nba player okay. Sarah: [26:27] Uh yes i think it's antetokounmop but. Tara: [26:31] I thank you that's. Sarah: [26:32] Just how they say on an espn that doesn't mean it's right. Tara: [26:35] Usually everyone. Sarah: [26:36] Just calls him janice. Tara: [26:37] Anyway johnny the randomness of this pairing by the way reminds me of the radio shack ads with terry hatcher and howie long from the 90s where people were like wait are they married and they weren't it's just two people doing ads i don't know any current nba players other than steph curry who already had a show as we talked about last year so i'm not going to do the current part it's going to be showtime era Magic Johnson and Heather Locklear from Dynasty Times. They're doing their take on a rom-com sort of It's Gary Shandling show where they play themselves as neighbors in Los Angeles who fall in love. Dave. Dave: [27:13] I only know of two NBA stars that are currently playing. Even that, I'm not sure of. Steph Curry from Holy Moly. Tara: [27:20] Yeah. Dave: [27:20] And LeBron James from not being in Holy Moly. Tara: [27:23] Yes. Dave: [27:23] Correct? Tara: [27:24] Yes. Dave: [27:24] All right. There's probably others. Tara: [27:26] Also, LeBron's son, right? There's a couple. Isn't he in the NBA now? Dave: [27:29] Who are you asking? I'm asking Sarah. Tara: [27:32] I'm not asking you. Dave: [27:33] I know. Sarah: [27:34] I am not sure what Bronny James' status is. He's had some health issues. Dave: [27:39] So the person I am pairing them up with is Kayla Monterosso-Majia. She's played agents before, right? Tara: [27:49] She played a lawyer in Running Point. Dave: [27:51] Lawyer, that's right. So I want her to play a giant dick. Tara: [27:54] Uh-huh. Dave: [27:55] Yeah, because she's usually playing sort of bubbly with dick undertones. But I want to really go 100% asshole with her. I think she'd be good at it. Tara: [28:04] If anyone wants to see her doing that, I recommend the movie One of Them Days from earlier this year with Kiki Palmer and SZA, where she was also in it, and very funny. Dave: [28:14] All right, Sarah, you know the most about basketball on the panel. I'm just going to say it. You know the most. Yeah, for sure. Sarah: [28:21] I mean, I'm not totally sure that's true if you're talking throwback basketball, but any hoodle, here is my pitch. Awkwafina and Cooper Flagg of the Dallas Mavericks star in tall order about one valiant, irritable U.S. Marshall struggle to keep a 6'10 basketball star safe in witness protection. Tara: [28:42] I think that's perfect. Dave: [28:44] Damon. I just want to say this right now, there's a chance I may have skewed everybody's names and everybody I'm saying submitted the question is not the actual person. If I did that, I apologize. I got this feeling that this isn't Damon, but let's just go with it. Damon writes, Dr. Fuckboat is back from the dead for a six episode pickup. List your six theme weeks for the second season of Dr. Odyssey. Sarah. Sarah: [29:10] I lasted like 30 minutes of the first season of Dr. Fuckboat. So here are my themes, understanding that these are completely impossible and make no sense. Volcanoes, Henry VIII, Museum Heists, 31 Flavors, Soap Operas, and Frolf. Dave: [29:27] Frolf. Lousy Frolf weather. Tara: [29:31] I mean, they had cheer week on a boat, so why not Frolf? I'm sure they could try to figure it out. Sarah: [29:38] They have climbing walls on these mofos. Why not? Tara: [29:41] Mine are Influencer Week, which I can't believe they didn't do in season one, to be honest. Dave: [29:46] I don't think so. Tara: [29:47] I checked. Dave: [29:48] Oh, you know what it was? It was product people that was sort of like influencers. Tara: [29:52] They had Wellness Week, and then they also had the other one that was like Sex Positivity Week. Dave: [29:57] But all the wellness people were tragically online all the time. Tara: [30:00] Of course, yes. Influencer Week, Hospitality Week. This is going to be a job fair slash celebration for recent graduates of hospitality school, fantasy football. week fan fiction writers week mlm week and etsy sellers week dave. Dave: [30:16] That's crazy i have i'll just do them out of order ebay 100 satisfaction sellers nice yep hacker con yep amish week which is a ticketing mishap and the boat's full of amish people first responders week where there's lots of issues on the boat but they get dealt with really fast so it's sort of a boring episode and the controversial episode that gets it recanceled, Wailing Week. Sarah: [30:39] Ooh, yeah. Tara: [30:42] Wait, come back. It's W-A-I-L-I-N-G. We're just really sad. Sarah: [30:49] Everyone's name is either Edmund or Fitzgerald. What? Dave: [30:53] Our next question comes from Hellcat13. Tara: [30:57] No, I think you got these right because Hellcat is Canadian and spells favorite here with a U. Dave: [31:01] So I think you're good. Okay, totally honest with you now. After wailing her name, his name, I'm lightheaded and I almost passed it right now. Tara: [31:09] Do you want me to read this? Dave: [31:10] Yeah, go ahead. Read this one for me. Tara: [31:11] What is your favorite hate watch these days? For me, Only Murders has had a couple dreadful seasons, but I still watch it faithfully so I can yell at the TV about how stupid they're being and admire Mabel's outfits. Dave. Dave: [31:24] All right, I'm all better now. Tara: [31:25] Great. Dave: [31:25] Hate watching is for people with better time management skills than I. Sarah. Sarah: [31:30] I can't imagine hate watching only murders like not bothering anymore fine but if you don't want to spend time with the people then the plot isn't really the point of the thing whatever i'm not their lawyer minus the morning show it is dementedly non-credible the wigs are so bad and nobody has any chemistry with each other and delightfully there is absolutely no one who would argue that it is good or misunderstood so if you talk shit about it anyone else also dumb enough to waste time with it is here for my complaints so that's why i'm still watching tara yeah. Tara: [32:06] I'm like dave between 9-1-1 and 9-1-1 nashville alone i am 10 episodes underwater as of tonight i don't i do not have time for hate watches but i'm happy for you that if you do i'm. Dave: [32:18] Trying to think of a what was the last show that i you think would qualify like i feel like i don't like a show in that way I just. Tara: [32:24] Start launching. No, you just like drift away. Dave: [32:26] Yeah, I just drift away. Sarah: [32:28] What's like love hate watch? An actual hate watch? No, I'm not doing that. Tara: [32:31] Right. Dave: [32:32] No time for that. Gravante. Preferred chip shape for dipping purposes. Traditional. Tortilla triangle. Large round. Small round. Scoop or strip. Tara: [32:45] Absolutely traditional triangle all the way, Sarah. Sarah: [32:48] The scoop seems great, but you always get poked in the gum line. Tara: [32:52] That's the thing. Sarah: [32:53] So small round. Tara: [32:53] Yeah. Sarah: [32:54] Best theoretical ratio of tip to chip. You don't have to break it in half and get the whole thing in your face. Also, the strip. Fuck off. Tara: [33:02] Yeah, the strip isn't for tipping. It's just for garnish. Like it's that's for putting on your salad. Dave: [33:07] As soon as Sarah mentioned the gum line thing, I imagine her with the cork on a fork from dirty rotten. Tara: [33:16] No, but it's true. The problem with the scoop is as soon as you go to the bathroom. Sarah: [33:21] Okay. Tara: [33:22] You have to eat it all in one bite because other like you can't bite it and have more. Dave: [33:27] Here's the problem with this question. Why is fundamentally flawed? Tara: [33:30] Yeah. Dave: [33:30] Which is the answer depends on what sort of dip this is. Not all dips are created equal. You got thin dips. You got your restaurant salsa. It's sort of soupy. You got a chunky salsa. You got guacamole. You have some sort of ranch-based thing, perhaps. These all call for different types of chips. So I will not be answering this. This question is amateur hour. Tara: [33:51] Can I also just give a shout out, because now I wish we had them, for the order of bog standard traditional chilies, chips, and salsa, where it's like the runny red sauce? Dave: [34:01] Yeah, restaurant style. Tara: [34:01] Yeah, restaurant style. And the chips are so thin and so salty. Sarah: [34:05] Fuck me, they're good. Tara: [34:06] And the chilies is close enough to us that when we get it delivered, they're still hot. Dave: [34:11] There's nothing better than a tortilla, though, from Fiesta Mart. Tara: [34:14] Yep. Dave: [34:14] It's a Mexican grocery store. They make their own tortillas there. Tara: [34:18] Of course. Dave: [34:19] And then they fry their own tortilla chips. And you can get them, warningly, in a very thin plastic bag that is hot to touch because they just threw them in there. God knows what microplastics you're ingesting. Tara: [34:30] None of my business. Dave: [34:31] None of my business. Sarah: [34:32] It's too late now anyway. Tara: [34:33] We'll see you in December, Fiesta Tortilla Chips, for our traditional Christmas day. Dave: [34:37] You betcha. Oh, yeah. All right. Let's proceed with Vandy's question. If Grape Nuts, Raisin Bran, Special K, or some other adult cereal had a cartoon mascot, what would that mascot be and what would the commercials be like? Great question. Sarah. Sarah: [34:54] Muesli or Mueslix, I think it was called. Tara: [34:57] Mm-hmm. Sarah: [34:58] Would have a cartoon bear in a vest and monocle, no pants, because they never have pants for some reason, voiced by Werner Herzog. And instead of taking viewers through all the vitamins and minerals listed on the cartoon blackboard in his classroom, he's staring wistfully at the window of the cartoon room and musing that he can't remember the last time he shit in the woods. Dave: [35:21] Dave. Yeah. So whether it is Raisin Bran, grape nuts whatever the mascot is a talking bale of hay talking bale of hay he's not selling it he knows it's terrible cereal you know lots of deep sighs can't actually make eye contact with the camera because he knows he's lying to you yeah. Tara: [35:42] Raisin bran's mascot is a cheerful hummingbird moving very fast just like your bowels will do if you eat raisin bran. Dave: [35:49] Very good enough. Tara: [35:51] I'm so sick and tired of hearing you. Dave: [35:54] People talk about food food food dr calhoun do you watch tv with subtitles turned on even for languages that you speak i honestly thought i understood english until we started watching peaky blinders and like department q so i gotta turn on the account yeah yeah yeah some. Tara: [36:15] Of the some of the accents are quick i usually can parse them out but if conditions in the house require the TV volume to be low, like when I was watching the last two episodes of Pluribus while Dave was asleep on Monday night, or if I'm taking notes. Otherwise, I would rather make the TV louder than put on the captions personally. Sarah? Sarah: [36:32] Yeah, sometimes a print is real dark, and it's a little helpful for tracking the action. And other times people are mic'd poorly or extremely Cajun. And if you're reviewing a true crime documentary, you do want to know for sure what was said. So yeah, sometimes. Dave: [36:50] Jovial Gent has our last question. What song would you consider to be the most 90s? Tara, most 90s song. Tara: [36:59] Well, the 90s, I would say, definitely had distinctive phases. Like you start with Smells Like Teen Spirit and you end with Wannabe and there's a lot of stuff in the middle. But I will split the difference and say Loser by Beck, Dave. Dave: [37:12] Ooh, good one. Yeah, my choices were Losing My Religion, which is early. Smells Like Teen Spirit, also early. And I threw in Just a Girl because I feel like No Doubt is extremely 90s. Tara: [37:24] Yep. Sarah: [37:25] Oh, yeah. Excellent point. Dave: [37:26] But you're right. It does. I feel like a boy band should be in the mix, too. Tara: [37:30] Right. Dave: [37:30] But it's sort of outside my interest. Tara: [37:33] Sarah? Sarah: [37:34] Criss-crosses jump. Totally crossed out. Dave: [37:37] That's good. Sarah: [37:37] Catching all the ladies. Dave: [37:38] Yeah. Tara: [37:39] Yep. Dave: [37:39] That's great. All right. Here comes a question for you guys from, I believe, first submitter Eggery. I spotted these on the wall of a used bookstore, which I assume were placed by a staffer who wants to meet other fans of the newsroom while keeping it secret from the normies. It was two signs. The first one says, it's not. And the second one says, but it can be. Tara: [38:02] References to the pilot of the show. Dave: [38:04] Thank you. Tara: [38:04] The producer, what's her name is in the audience. Mackenzie. And she holds up the signs for Will. Dave: [38:09] Who cares? Right? have you come across any interesting examples of coded fandom in the wild i suppose that's the question here so um if you have an answer for that you're like huh you're not each other doing this huh, I see your shirt. Yeah, I see it. I know what those are. Yeah, all right. Yeah, you want to make out too? All right. And it's just like that. Love connections are made. Go to our AskAssESG channel on Discord, or you can email me directly, davidatcole.fyi, with your answer. I'll put it into the mix. And put stuff and things about all that, right? Tara: [38:50] Yeah, sure. Can you tell this is our second taping of the day? Sarah: [38:54] We only have three extra. Tara: [38:57] Extra hot greats and one extra hot great to tape after this. Dave: [39:00] All right do a tight five on everything else from the pilot of the newsroom Dave: [39:05] fuck off that's yeah that's a good idea dump it hey. Sarah: [39:11] You guys hello it's me and i'm presenting for the tiny sketch canon a certain subset of 70s kid heard the hey you guys call and just sat up straight for reasons they can't totally explain. Perhaps you too had a parent who called you for dinner using that opening holler from The Electric Company, as my mother did many times. But we're not here to talk about that, or about Morgan Freeman's Easy Reader, or about any of the other influences the children's television workshops somewhat underrated Electric Company had upon PBS watching Gen Xers. I could easily give you a tight 10 on the high volume of Electric Company references that weave in and out of the conversation of my family of origin to this day, but I won't. What I will do is ask you to join me in honoring a single sketches animated waitress who, before there was hashtag read the fucking manual, spoke for everyone in food service, in retail. Sarah: [40:06] In user-facing internet content creation, or with children who kept hopefully rephrasing their requests to Santa for a pony. Clip two. Sarah: [40:48] I've had some difficulty chasing down the exact Providence slash premiere date of this one. It does seem to have aired for the first time in early April of 1973, when I was mere weeks old, but it really doesn't matter. The amiably oblivious delivery of the customer, the literal darkening of the face of the waitress as she turns up the volume, her post-verbal gargle of rage as she flees the room and ends the sketch, And the utility of the sketch is a shorthand, either about clueless customers and co-workers or to signal to a frustrated loved one that you actually do realize you're being annoying by asking about something in a different way 17 times. Television without pity readers will probably remember this one from back in the day. I know our recappers and mods remember it. Bundle that Doctor Who recap request to every friendo, but we are out of sweet rolls. And I am hoping that my fellow panelists will pair the sweet roll sketch with a nice tall glass of extra, extra hot, great, tiny can. Tara: [41:52] Thank you, Sarah. I'll go first. Even outside of the stature the sketch has gained through our work together, this is an all-timer. Even as a crusty old adult, you can feel how funny it would be for a kid to watch. It's also funny to an adult as well, for different reasons. The performance by the woman who plays the server should be studied in voiceover acting classes, especially The Scream. And it all just captures how life can feel sometimes when you feel like every day someone is telling you we're out of sweet rolls in a different cafe. And all you can do is scream, as you said, post-verbally. So, yes, well presented, well chosen. Dave. Dave. Dave: [42:36] Yeah, this, again, as Tara said, has a special place in our hearts because it distillates Sarah D. Bunting into a sound clip that you can carry around with you wherever you go. So in that regards, it already has to be in. But then on top of that, you get, of course, the whole package as was intended when they aired it on The Electric Company. And it is really great. It speaks to a place in time where you can have a kids entertainment show that didn't have to be like on point all the time. It can just be a funny thing for a kid to watch and didn't need to be like a lesson or we're worried is doing the wrong thing sometimes or whatever. It's just like there's this lady. She is getting angry at this guy who is stupid and she yells a lot. That is fucking hilarious, says four-year-old me. That's fine. That's great. That's all you need to it. And then you add on top of that the absolutely phenomenal voice acting of the blah, blah, blah, blah at the end, which, again, makes me want to go back in time to see the recording sessions for that and all the alternate last yells that this VO actor provided. Because I bet there was at least 20 of them. Tara: [43:54] Yeah. Dave: [43:54] And they picked that one. And I would love to listen to all those and see the evolution of it. But yeah, absolutely great piece of TV history and personal history. So it's double E vote for me. Let's make this official. Tara, what say you? Tara: [44:07] Of course. Dave: [44:08] For Sweet Rolls. Tara: [44:09] Of course. Dave: [44:10] Me too. So. I'm not out of Sweet Rolls. Sweet Rolls from The Electric Company. You are hereby inducted into the Extra Hot Great Tiny Sketch Cannon. Dave: [44:32] It is time for our Not Quite Top 11 lists. I will stop. I will stop. That's it. Show's over. I will start us off with the Not Quite Top 11 Quality French Versions of American TV Show Themes Presented in Reverse Alphabetical Order. Starting with... Cosmo! Cosmo! Cosmo! Cosmo Cats Down! Let it go. that's thundercats known as cosmocats in france probably for copyright reasons. Sarah: [45:18] Thundercats oh but spelled. Dave: [45:20] H-e-a-u-s exactly and that guy's really selling it whoever that french guy is they brought in the studio to bang that one out in an hour good on you bud you were lax in that day. All right. Number two. Tara: [45:33] Steve Austin. Astronaut. And I'm just a hero. Sarah: [45:38] Astronaut. Dave: [45:39] Astronaut. In France, he's known as the three billion dollar man with a B. Number three. Je détiens la force toute puissante. I'm sorry. That does not work in French. That is really funny. Tara: [46:22] That is Louis Homme, a.k.a. He-Man. Dave: [46:25] Yeah. Sarah: [46:26] Oh. Dave: [46:26] My favorite part of that, though, is le tigre domestique. Because he's got the cat that's always scared until it turns into the battle cat, which is all angry and stuff. So we hear there is the cat shivering in the introduction. But yeah, I have the power doesn't really sound great in French. What was it translated to? Was it I have the power? Tara: [46:47] Oh, I didn't hear. Dave: [46:48] Oh, okay. Number four. Tara: [46:51] Number four. Le plus beau te viendra de moi Et pour la vie je te dis Merci à toi mon. Dave: [47:05] That one was for you, Sarah. Tara: [47:06] That was really good. Sarah: [47:07] I mean, yeah. Merci à toi, mon ami. Dave: [47:11] Some of these work really well in French. Others do not. And we like them equally for both reasons. All right, number five. Sarah: [47:17] I'm going to go. i don't like that wow i forgot how good that song is it is good yes number six. Dave: [48:19] Tara, would you have known that without your French knowledge? Tara: [48:22] No, I still don't know what that is. Dave: [48:23] Oh, you still don't know it? No. That's the fall guy. Tara: [48:25] Oh, of course. Sarah: [48:26] Oh, okay. I knew I recognized it. Tara: [48:27] But yeah. Dave: [48:28] All right, this one's wild. This is number seven. Sarah: [48:45] Why did they do this? Dave: [48:52] Dukes of Hazzard, French style It's from France Number 8 Dans le monde, ne marche même pas Et même si la terre. Tara: [49:10] D'importance, acceptons les différences C'est vrai, au de tout, tu sais Au de tout, c'est vrai, I really thought you were going to duck out the audio for Different Strokes. Sarah: [49:24] Me too. I was waiting. Dave: [49:25] Oh, damn. Good note. Good note. Different Strokes. Different Strokes. Tara: [49:30] Of course. Sarah: [49:31] Different Strokes. Tara: [49:32] Different Strokes. Dave: [49:32] That one works. Tara: [49:34] Mm-hmm. Dave: [49:34] What were they saying instead of Different Strokes? Tara: [49:36] I can't make it out. They're going too fast. Sarah: [49:38] I couldn't either because I was going to try to say it when you ducked the audio out. Couldn't catch it. So it all worked out the way it was supposed to. Dave: [49:45] All right. Number nine. Almost done. Lots of confused faces here on Zoom. Any idea what that is? It is a new theme for an old show. Tara: [50:19] Dallas? Dave: [50:20] That's Dallas. Sarah: [50:20] Sounds familiar. Dave: [50:23] Yeah, terrible. Sarah: [50:24] Oh, wow. Okay. Dave: [50:26] Reverse alphabetical order. I think we all know what's coming up. This is the best French theme of all time. Here we go. Whole thing. Tara: [50:34] Maybe. Accusé d'un vol qu'ils n'ont pas commis, n'ayant aucun moyen. Dave: [51:13] I lied. There's actually like another minute of that. I think it goes on for quite a while. Sarah: [51:18] That is like the MIDI ringtone version, but I don't hate it. Tara: [51:21] No, it's great. Dave: [51:22] I believe that translates into something like the all-risk agency or something like that. It's not called the A-Team. Tara: [51:27] I believe that's right. Sarah: [51:28] The all-risk-age-la-joles. Dave: [51:31] And so, yeah, that is it. The reverse alphabetical order, but it turned out pretty good. I mean, I think that's a pretty good ordering of them as well. Tara: [51:40] Oui, oui. Dave: [51:40] That is quality French versions of American TV show themes presented in reverse alphabetical order. Sarah D. Bunting. Sarah: [51:48] Please welcome to my list of not quite 11 other important hunts of television in reverse order of significance, in my opinion. Number 10. Sorry, Dave, but Hunt Stockwell, the A-team's last season nemesis, played by Robert Vaughn. Number nine, Bonnie Hunt. I think she actually ended up working it out with voice work, but they just could not find a sitcom that worked for her back in the day, and it's kind of a shame. Tara: [52:15] She was ahead of her time, I would say. Sarah: [52:17] I think that's correct. Number eight, Owen Hunt, Kevin McKidd's character on Grey's Anatomy. I've watched maybe 51 minutes total of that show ever, and I love Kevin McKidd, but I hear that he's terrible. Owen Hunt, that is, not McKidd. Number seven, Gene Hunt, the, quote, hardened commander of the detectives in the 70s timelines in Life on Mars. Both versions, I think in the British version, his first name was different. In the American version, he was played by Harvey Keitel. Number six, Linda Hunt, of all gazillion episodes of NCIS LA. Number five, Florence Hunt, star of Bridgerton and Mixtape. Number four, Ella Hunt, who played Sue Gilbert, Emily's girlfriend on Dickinson. number three the term hunty which does not belong only to rupaul's drag race but we got to fill out this list somehow and we were a little bit short number two brendan hunt co-creator of ted lasso who also got married about six weeks ago as you're listening to this congrats dude and number one helen hunt lead of mad about you notorious window crasher through her in tv movie desperate lives, and also the eponymous quarterback princess, we did have no choice but to stand at one time. Tara: [53:34] It's really true. It's true. And sub-mention to her father, Gordon Hunt, who is a very prolific TV director. Sarah: [53:42] Oh, yeah. Tara: [53:43] I have brought not quite top 11 other most notable TV programming about hunting the most dangerous game in ascending order of how much I want to make the panel watch it. Number 10 from 1979, The Incredible Hulk, Season 3, Episode 9, the snare. David gets lured to a private island to play chess with a sicko millionaire, but guess what? That guy's a hunter and he wants to hunt David, and finding out David transforms into the Hulk only makes him a more appealing trophy. Tara: [54:08] Number nine for 2011, Star Wars, The Clone Wars. Yeah, that's right. It's a cartoon. They did this too. Season three, episode 21, Padawan Lost. Some nut hunting for sports sets his sight on Ahsoka. Makes sense. Some Jedi Padawans. Not great, but eh. And Chewbacca? Absolutely not. Number eight from 1983, Heart to Heart, season four, episode 11, Hunted Hearts. A businessman wants to hunt the hearts because he lost a bid to them to buy a company. That hunter is played by David McCallum from The Man From U.N.C.L.E. and his wife is Timmy Hadron. Number seven from 2007, Criminal Minds, season two, episode 21, open season. Brothers capture people stranded in Idaho, release them into the hills, and then bow hunt them. It guest stars Glump from 911 Lone Star, and I just have a feeling he's not playing one of the victims. Number six from 1965, The Wild Wild West, season one, episode four, The Night of Sudden Death. Jim West and a circus girl get trapped inside a safari park in Colorado, which they had in the 19th century, I guess, and hunted by an insane big game hunter played by Robert Loja. Tara: [55:16] That's right, kid, from the orange juice commercial. Number five from 1967, Gilligan's Island, season three, episode 18, The Hunter. A big game hunter arrives on the island from where? How is he getting back? Finds out there isn't any game to hunt and decides to hunt Gilligan. Who cares? Well, what if I told you The Hunter is played by Rory Calhoun, standing and walking? Number four from 2014, The Blacklist, season two, episode six, The Bombasa Cartel, number 114. We're back in Idaho for people hunting with Phyllis Somerville from Being a Nurse on Law & Order, Carol Stricken from Being Very Tall in Twin Peaks, and Peter Fonda, also Sarah Hal Ozen, who played the mean director from Dawson's Creek, who was shitty to Dawson during his internship. Sarah: [56:01] So we could watch that for the podcast. Tara: [56:03] Oh, all right. Sarah: [56:04] I'm listening. Tara: [56:04] Number three from 1973, Bonanza, season 14, episode 15, also just called The Hunter. A war deranged madman stalks his victims before killing them and turns his sights on Little Joe. The Hunter's played by a super foxy 1973 era, Tom Skerritt. Number two from 1977, The Pilot of Fantasy Island. One of the storylines is a jaded hunter becomes the prey. Absolutely stacked guest cast. Eleanor Parker, the Baroness from The Sound of Music, plays a rich businesswoman who wants to attend her own funeral. Dick Sargent plays her brother. Bill Bixby, he's back, plays a World War II veteran who wants to reunite with his lost love, Sandra Dee. And number one from 2018, Wrecked, Season 3, Episode 3, Six Feet, Plane Crash Survivors end up on an island where four wealthy men are going to hunt them for sport. And one of those guys is played by our friend Will Hines. We have a tie to one of these episodes. And that's my list. Tara: [57:14] Welcome, grandpas, to the extra credit section. We would love it if you could ask some of your friends or loved ones or enemies or someone who's going to have to get you a gift to gift you a gift subscription to this podcast so that you can get to hear all of the full episodes. In their glory, you missed us talking about the hunt. You missed us talking about a lot of hunt-related stuff. We also answered a bunch of your questions. Sarah made a very important contribution to the Tiny Sketch Cannon. All of this can be yours for $5 a month, including all of the archives. So check it out, extrahotgreat.com slash club. This extra credit was stolen from Discord. It was submitted by Tipickles. We're going to call it Christmas crafting. And I had to be reminded there's no TV tie-in to this. So I added a couple. I'm going to read what Tipickles wrote. I just used almost three hours of my precious weekend to attend Cowboy Christmas to appease my husband. Lots of thinking time for me. To save the life of someone beloved to you and absolutely no judgment if that's not your spouse, you must work a booth at a holiday-themed weekend craft show. To Pickles asks, what is the holiday? What are the crafted items you sell? What is your cheapest item and your most expensive item? In which city or region of the U.S. or elsewhere Does your craft show exist? And then I added to make it fit the rubric of our podcast that I temporarily forgot. Tara: [58:39] What TV tie-in product are you offering? And what TV personality or character is your ideal repeat customer? Dave, why don't we start with you? Dave: [58:49] All right. What is the holiday? Valentine's Day. What are the crafted items you sell? Low effort hot sauces. Tara: [59:00] A craft show classic, I have to say. Dave: [59:02] Yep. What is your cheapest item and your most expensive item? Cheapest? My ass is dripping liquid fire. Most expensive, Oppenheimer's atomic asshole annihilator. Tara: [59:21] Oh, no, we broke down. Dave: [59:23] Which region or city of the U.S. or elsewhere does your craft show exist? Omaha. What TV tie-in product are you offering? Great British Bake Off baking hot sauce. for you to put hot sauce in all your bakes. Paul Hollywood's handshake is now covered in Hadrian's Wall of Fire hot sauce, and the bakers try and fail not to touch their eyes after getting a handshake. Three bakers are blinded. They bring back that one guy who quit after that one episode a couple of years ago to fill in, and then he dies of a hot sauce-related heart attack. Highest rated episode of Great British Bake Off ever. What TV personality or character is your ideal repeat customer? None. I bought the customers list for dude wipes and the bar of soaps from The Rock. And that's all I need. Because those guys, they like to drink the hot sauce because it makes them a man. Man, man, man. Tara: [1:00:21] All right, Sarah. Sarah: [1:00:22] Dave, please maintain that fist-supposition until we're done recording. The holiday is the Christmas slash winter holidays because my chief craft is knitting. A running joke with Dan is that I make rectangles. Dave is actually still doing this. I think my craft is Dave. Dave: [1:00:41] Somebody should screenshot this. Sarah: [1:00:43] The running joke with Dan is that I make rectangles, which is true. Blankets, scarves, coasters, anything that is just a straight, unshaped square is where I am a Viking. I am also a huge fan of self-striping and ombre yarns because they keep me from dying of boredom when I'm reeling off the holiday season's umpteenth buncy blankie. So I think my little pop-up is called test pattern and everything is in rainbow stripy yarn to imitate the old TV off-the-air test patterns of yore. Tara: [1:01:11] Cute. Sarah: [1:01:12] So really, everything is a TV tie-in, but I will also offer little TV-shaped coasters with a black border and a tree ornament version with little craft wire antennae. Those are my budget giftiest item. The queen-size Netflix and fight-off-the-chill blanket is the most expensive, of course. And because I am setting up shop, with their permission, at the Indoor Antique Flea Market in Dennis, Massachusetts, I'm hoping that Evelyn Ryan and Jen Lindley stop by from Capeside, if only to kibitz slash help out on the, quote, production line. It feels like Jen might be very good at marketing rainbow items along a parallel allyship track, coordinating custom orders, and so on. We all have such a fun time. The next year, they open a booth right next to mine called Capeside, and it is all ponchos. Gotta go making this happen IRL. Tara: [1:02:05] Amazing. Sarah: [1:02:05] Tara, can I stop? Take this home before Dave's arms fall off. Tara: [1:02:08] Yeah, you can stop. I got a screenshot. Dave: [1:02:09] My arms hurt. Tara: [1:02:11] A holiday, I mean, I think as everyone knows at this point, I'm pro-Christmas slash winter holidays. In terms of a craft, something I can make myself cheaply at scale and easily enough for me to tweak the recipe, various kinds of Rice Krispie squares. That is where I'm evicting. Even Dave would agree, and he hates my cooking. The cheapest kind- I don't hate your cooking. Oh. Dave: [1:02:33] It's just terrible. Sarah: [1:02:35] Yeah. Wow. Dave: [1:02:40] What I'm saying is, I don't hate it because it's your cooking. I come by the hate, honestly. That's all I meant. Sarah: [1:02:47] I hate it because it's stuff that you cooked. Tara: [1:02:49] I hate it because you did it. Sarah: [1:02:51] This is a really wonderful defense. Dave: [1:02:53] Merry Christmas, everybody. Tara: [1:02:55] The cheapest ones, just regular squares without any mix-ins, such as ones that I've tried in the past, are toasted marshmallows, colored marshmallows, peanut butter and peanut butter chips, etc. Those are the best ones. Sarah: [1:03:09] Oh, so good. Tara: [1:03:09] They are really good. The most expensive thing I offer, I'm going to form them into the shape of potato chips and sell them with a jar of caviar. I learned from Real Housewives of New York City that fancy people are eating caviar off Pringles now, and this is the next iteration of that. Sarah: [1:03:24] Okay. Tara: [1:03:25] I'm, of course, going to sell them at the one-of-a-kind craft show in Toronto, which I used to go to every year. I miss it. At a certain point, it was like, it's a great show, but at a certain point, it's like, we've seen all of these vendors for the past seven years. Like, there's just nothing new. Had to let it lie fallow for a while. Dave: [1:03:43] If I may. Tara: [1:03:44] Yes, Dave. Dave: [1:03:44] You should get three or four of them out into the woods and hunt them. That way, tables are freed up for other vendors. Tara: [1:03:51] That's true. Sarah: [1:03:52] Yeah. Tara: [1:03:52] TV tie-in product I'm offering, inspired by 30 Rock's Criss Cross, C-R-I-S-S-C-H-R-O-S. You can buy a Rice Krispie Square, C-R-I-S-S-P-Y, decorated with an icing James Marsden that is as skillfully executed as the decoration on my Gilded Age Season 3 finale party cake, which is to say, it's very bad. We will get a picture in the show notes. and my ideal repeat customer is going to be helen demarcus played by paula pell from ap bio she is going to go crazy for these she's going to buy them for everyone on her list and then she's going to have to come back the next day for more because she accidentally got too excited and ate them all herself the end. Dave: [1:04:37] Mmm, Rice Krispie Squares with peanut butter and peanut butter chips. Also, let's figure out a way to put coffee in that. Tara: [1:04:44] Oh, I'm sure that we could. Sarah: [1:04:45] And sweet rolls. Dave: [1:04:45] Yes, sweet rolls. Tara: [1:04:46] Sweet rolls. Dave: [1:04:47] That is it for another episode of Extra, Extra Hot Great. We started our hunt for the most... I already made this joke. We started our hunt for the most dangerous game of all. Frenchman already said that joke. Nobody's laughing now. You blew it, Dave. Before answering your burning ass EHG questions like, what's on deck for season two of Dr. Odyssey? And what's the most 90s song? You can always find Sweet Rolls in the Tiny Sketch Cannon now. We gave you three not-quite-top-11 lists and wrapped it all up with a rundown of our Christmas crafting. Next up, the third annual holiday mullendash. Remember! We're listening. I am David T. Cole, and on behalf of Tara Arellano... Tara: [1:05:30] Can I get, uh, Zero Sugar Mountain Dew in a Sweet Roll? Dave: [1:05:34] And Sarah D. Bunting. Thanks for listening. We'll see you next time right here on Extra Extra Hot Great.