In what has become one of our most diabolical annual traditions, we’re playing Mullendash again. This year, our guest contestants are: Stephen Falk, with whom the game was initially developed back in the 2000s, and Mullendash newcomers David J. Roth and Jeff Drake. Who can most craft the most convincing Mullenian punchlines? Who can divine the true Mullen from the counterfeits? All is revealed in our latest episode.
ehg 592
Published on
Dec 10, 2025 Mullendash III
It’s a mix of seasoned and rookie Mullendashers as we once again journey into the unknowable mind of Jim Mullen.
Episode Rundown
Lead Topic
Episode Notes
Episode Transcript
Episode Transcription
Roth:
[0:18] Reminded me that the head writer job here at the Larry Sanders Show is open. Please send all resumes to my producer, Artie, and no sense of humor is.
Dave:
[0:36] This is the Extra Hot Great Podcast, episode 592 for the week of December 8th, 2025. I am secret sassy reader, David T. Cole, and I'm here with woman from Nantucket, Sarah D. Bunting.
Sarah:
[0:54] I don't get it.
Dave:
[0:55] Enemy of powerful women, Tara Ariano.
Tara:
[0:57] This is the joke that's going to take down Oprah.
Dave:
[0:59] Furious at Calista Flockhart, David J. Roth.
Roth:
[1:02] Have a cheeseburger.
Dave:
[1:03] Lesbian shopping at Home Depot, Jeff Drake.
Jeff:
[1:06] I can only go to the bathroom during commercials.
Dave:
[1:09] And Chickadee China, the Chinese, Stephen Falk.
Stee:
[1:11] Get off my lawn.
Tara:
[1:18] Welcome to Extra Hot Great for another week. We're here with one of our favorite exercises we do every year, the Mullen Dash pre-tape. We're here with a panel of luminaries who tried to dumb themselves down to pass for Jim Mullen. Dave, we've already told the story of Mullen Dash in previous years, but why don't you recap it for our new listeners?
Dave:
[1:41] Jim Mullen's hot sheet was part of the opening barrage of Entertainment Weekly and all those little, little tiny article lets you get. And it was 10 things, I believe, each week. And he would say what it is, set up his own punchline and then deliver the punchline. And they're terrible. You really have to know that Jim Mullen is a particular type of doughy white guy. And when we play this game, which is a version of Balderdash, where Tara reads out the subject and the setup, and we all have to come up with our own punchlines in order to fool everybody else into thinking that we are Mullen. This is a game that started at the television without pity, sort of writer conventions that we had in Vegas.
Tara:
[2:22] I think Steve Falk was there at the genesis of the game.
Dave:
[2:25] He definitely was. and it caught on and it is a very sobering exercise when you do it well because you become mullin and that's a dangerous place to be so winning is winning but also sometimes it's a very introspective moment yes.
Tara:
[2:44] So our panel this year is all people that our listeners have heard before the exception is ste or steven we we knew him as ste back in the day who hasn't been on in quite a while. So welcome back.
Stee:
[2:55] Thank you so much. I'm both happy and a little angry to be here.
Dave:
[2:59] Yep.
Tara:
[2:59] That's how it feels.
Sarah:
[3:01] Yep. That's how it is.
Tara:
[3:02] And then two people who've never played the game before. Jeff Drake, welcome.
Jeff:
[3:06] Hello. Thanks for having me and God damn you for having me.
Tara:
[3:10] Yep. And Dave J. Roth. Welcome, Dave.
Roth:
[3:13] Yeah. Thanks. I guess what Jeff said is efficient.
Tara:
[3:16] Well, so there are two ways to get points on each of these setups you're about to hear. I pulled 16 from the archives that I, like a true psychopath, saved as web archive pages because I knew when I found them on the Entertainment Weekly site, someday they're going to take them down. And they basically have. I think there's like 20 left on there.
Dave:
[3:35] And it's worth saying you called them down to the TV selections.
Tara:
[3:39] Yes. They're only TV topics, of course. And I just sort of jumped around in the archives that now I feel like the library at Alexandria of Mullen.
Dave:
[3:46] Yeah.
Tara:
[3:47] If you guess the real Mullen punchline, you get two points. and then you can also earn a point for each time one of your fellow players guesses your punchline. Unlike past episodes, I did not write my own punchline for each setup, though actually I did. And then Dave said, don't put them in as a spoiler. Dave told me not to. Dave loves silencing women.
Dave:
[4:06] I do, but if you really want to put them in, go ahead. I just thought we were a little overstuffed last time. That's all.
Tara:
[4:13] It's too late now.
Dave:
[4:14] All right, great. Got my way.
Tara:
[4:15] I will read each setup and then all of the punchlines You will guess. We'll tally the points. One of you will experience the complicated joy of being the best at this game. Is everyone ready to play Mullen Dash?
Dave:
[4:28] We are.
Stee:
[4:29] Yes.
Tara:
[4:29] All right.
Sarah:
[4:30] No.
Tara:
[4:30] Starting with the May 14th, 2004 issue of Entertainment Weekly, Frasier Finale. The insanely supercilious shrink is calling it quits after 11 seasons. Here are the punchlines. Number one, as if all of Seattle wouldn't have just gotten a Prozac prescription already. Number two, that's 2,000 times longer than Britney's marriage to her childhood friend lasted before she called it quits. Number three, he wasn't satisfied with the network co-pay. Number four, and the only patient he cured was his checking account. Number five, he plans to give up psychiatry and do something good for humankind instead. And number six, it's about time. In recent episodes, you can see him subtly checking the clock behind the camera.
Dave:
[5:17] That is a good collection to start off with. These are all quite Molinesto.
Sarah:
[5:22] I'm very proud of slash horrified by all of you.
Tara:
[5:27] That's how it goes.
Sarah:
[5:28] Yep.
Tara:
[5:28] Sarah D. Bunting, please start us off. What is the correct punchline to the insanely supercilious shrink is calling it quits after 11 seasons?
Sarah:
[5:37] Oh, boy. Well, I really went on a journey because like that first one, it's like a little too wordy. It's a little too like, were we still talking about Prozac then? But then the next one and then the next one and then the next one, like everybody really hit it on the screws here, so to say. I don't think it's the Britney one because I, A, feel like I know who that actually was, and B, it's a little too good. For Mullen, some of these are a little, just a little too tightly written and balanced and aware of the way sentences function. The first answer doesn't suffer from those problems. So I'm going to say the first one, Prozac prescription.
Tara:
[6:23] Very good. David T. Cole.
Dave:
[6:25] It's worth saying that last year, Sarah D. Bunting really pinpointed mine in the list. And so this year, I was aware of that. And I tried to take myself out of my answers. So I just want to say, we'll see how well she does this year compared to last year.
Sarah:
[6:40] For the record, you were not who I meant.
Dave:
[6:45] Oh, I'm not saying that. I'm just saying I was peeved last year that you were so good at extracting mine and not answering with them. The one that speaks to me here is he was not satisfied with the network copay because it is bagging on both the industry, which he loves to do, and then also things the common man hates, which are copays. So I'm going to go with that one.
Tara:
[7:07] All right. Dave Roth.
Roth:
[7:08] I had a similar thought journey on that, but that was one that I wound up taking out because it was a little bit. too coherent they're uh like the idea of like this has been i broke down some tape listening to some previous episodes got in the lab john harbaugh style and the thing that like strikes me about these is that like everybody when you fuck up it's a question of being like asking yourself does he know what a copay is like is it like what is what is the most basic unit of observable reality that he's capable of covering uh so i'm gonna i think that that one is a little bit too good a gag. I'm going to go with he plans to give up psychiatry and do something good for humankind instead, a little bit broader and a little bit worse.
Tara:
[7:50] Very good. Jeff.
Jeff:
[7:52] Boy, I've really, I've really, I've changed my answer like three times during this because these are all very good points. The thing that I think would have helped me when I was writing mine is sentence structure. It's like, oh, right. Yeah, it's like it's not elegant writing almost ever. And so that's the thing I think at the last minute I was before David just picked though I'm gonna pick the same one that David did because I feel like the structure of it is clunky enough basic concept of a joke is there but if you were really to write the joke you would hone the writing of it and I think that is I think that's him at his most honed okay so or whoever it was so I'm picking good for humankind instead got.
Tara:
[8:35] It and Steven.
Stee:
[8:36] So I mean I always look to his setup like what he chose to write and he wrote insanely supercilious which is you know looking behaving as if one thinks one's better than other people But that doesn't really pertain to any of his jokes. So I wonder why he went to that length. I'm really trying to get in his mindset. So he wrote that.
Roth:
[8:56] You can't mind hunt a guy.
Stee:
[8:58] Come up with a joke that fit that. So then I think he just went curmudgeon and said psychiatry sucks. And so I'm going with the same one, giving up something good for humankind.
Dave:
[9:11] Wow.
Tara:
[9:12] All right.
Dave:
[9:12] Could be big points for somebody.
Tara:
[9:14] Here we go. We're going to reveal as if all of Seattle wouldn't have just gotten a Prozac prescription already is by David J. Roth.
Sarah:
[9:22] That's right.
Roth:
[9:22] I asked my wife, what is the most obvious antidepressant? Prozac.
Stee:
[9:27] That was good. That was good.
Tara:
[9:29] 2,000 times longer than Britney's marriage to her childhood friend. That is Mr. Jeff Drake.
Sarah:
[9:34] Oh, guessed wrong. I thought that was Steve.
Stee:
[9:36] 2,000 is good.
Tara:
[9:37] Wasn't satisfied with the network copay, Sarah D. Bunting. Only patient he cured was his checking account was Dave. It's about time in Reese's episodes. You can see him checking the clock with Stephen. And he plans to give up psychiatry and do something good for humankind instead. That's Mullen.
Dave:
[9:51] Oh, no.
Stee:
[9:52] Wow.
Tara:
[9:53] So for this round, David J. Roth gets three points. One for fooling someone. Two for guessing the right one. And Jeff and Stephen, two points as well for guessing the Mullen. Sarah gets one point for tricking, I believe, Dave.
Dave:
[10:06] And I get nothing.
Tara:
[10:08] Dave, goose egg.
Sarah:
[10:09] Dave gets nothing.
Roth:
[10:10] I do give Dave credit for the only patient he cured was his checking account was my runner up because like the pairing of patient and checking account. I was like, that doesn't stand at all.
Stee:
[10:19] It makes no sense.
Roth:
[10:20] But yeah, that was what elevated it to that number two spot.
Jeff:
[10:24] For sure.
Tara:
[10:25] Next from the December 26th, 2003 issue of Entertainment Weekly. You've just celebrated Christmas. It's Boxing Day. Time to open up your Entertainment Weekly and see this shit. Home decorating shows, trading spaces while you're out, surprised by design, etc. are the darlings of cable TV. That's the setup. Here are your punchlines. Number one, a quick tip, getting rid of your TV set makes any room look bigger. Number two, I emptied the dishwasher without being asked, do I get a show? Number three, in an effort to capitalize on the trend, the latest episode of Nip Tuck will be about a kitchen remodel instead of a facelift. number four finally a chance to experience getting dragged to ikea by your wife from the comfort of your own home number five America just loves watching strangers paint over each other's mistakes. And number six, which shows how much people want to get out of their own houses without leaving their house.
Stee:
[11:20] Evil. I don't like any of you.
Jeff:
[11:23] I hate all of you. Wow. Exactly.
Tara:
[11:27] All right. David T. Cole, you are guessing first here. Start us off, please.
Dave:
[11:32] There's always this push and pull with Jim Mullen when he writes something about biting the hand that feeds him. like where he is bagging on the industry, which gives him the content to make the hot sheet. So the first one, getting rid of your TV set, makes any room look bigger, instantly becomes a 50-50 coin point for me. And I hate ones like that. Oh boy. The going to Ikea, getting dragged to Ikea by your wife feels a little too Mullen engineered to me. He does have that streak into him. He does have that sort of part of his brain that is like the 50s. Why not now?
Tara:
[12:12] It's like the song lyric, more mullin than mullin.
Dave:
[12:15] So I think I'm going to go with the last one, which shows how much people want to get out of their houses without leaving their house.
Tara:
[12:26] Okay.
Dave:
[12:26] He does have also disdain for the general public.
Tara:
[12:29] Okay.
Sarah:
[12:30] David J.
Tara:
[12:30] Rob.
Roth:
[12:31] I'm probably over indexing for topicality here, but just seeing Nip Tuck was like remembering some guy's experience in its own right that I kind of want to give some credit. Like the idea of getting rid of your TV was not deep enough in the Mullen game to think about how I was like, first of all, I thought that was like a little bit too clever for what we're talking about. And then also it didn't occur to me that he would go far enough as to be like, also, you shouldn't be watching this shit. I shouldn't have a job either.
Jeff:
[12:56] Like just whatever I will.
Roth:
[13:01] I'm going to go with the nip tuck one with some reservations okay Jeff.
Jeff:
[13:06] I'm just going to go with misogyny here and so that brings it down to two because I feel like the empty dishwasher is also has like a misogyny thing like I did it when.
Dave:
[13:19] Men do housework they want to have a clap after.
Jeff:
[13:23] It's not my job as you know because I have a penis, but I did it. And so I'm just going to go with dishwasher.
Tara:
[13:32] Okay, Steven.
Stee:
[13:34] I don't really understand getting out of their house without leaving their house. So that's probably the right answer. But there's some, I wrote this, it's a full sentence. There's sort of humor in it. I'm done. I'm going to move on about loves watching strangers paint over each other's mistakes. And the disdain for America, which is, he hates the IRS. We all know that.
Dave:
[14:01] Right.
Stee:
[14:02] And Britney Spears. America is pretty much third in his obsession. So I'm going with that one, which with some reservations.
Tara:
[14:10] Okay, Sarah.
Sarah:
[14:11] I mean, he does love those pre-colon like a quick tip or about time. He also loves misogyny. He loves references that he doesn't actually have a firsthand basis for. Like he never, he wouldn't be able to name any star of Nip Tuck or anything that ever happened in it. I'm not sure he actually had heard of Ikea either. I am very tempted by the house's house fuck up because I feel like the editor would normally have caught that and gotten him out of his own way even a little bit, like without leaving home. But it is Boxing Day, so maybe the editor just wasn't there and nobody cared or they gave themselves the holiday gift of not giving a shit if he was committing redundancies in his answers. There is a lot on offer here. I am horribly ashamed of all of us for that reason. I think it's paint over each other's mistakes. Every now and then, he just gets a good line off, like Steve said, and leaves it at that.
Stee:
[15:12] I'm shocked you think Mullen was subject to an editor at any time.
Jeff:
[15:17] Truly. Truly.
Tara:
[15:19] Guys, no one guessed the Mullen. The Mullen is a quick tip. Getting rid of your teeth is that makes any room one bigger.
Sarah:
[15:28] I talked myself out of it.
Tara:
[15:28] Listen to you talking yourselves out of it.
Roth:
[15:31] Amazing.
Jeff:
[15:33] I eliminated that one right at the top. I was like, there's no way.
Stee:
[15:37] I considered.
Sarah:
[15:38] It because like TV set.
Stee:
[15:40] I didn't think he used I didn't think he used colons Do.
Dave:
[15:44] You think Jim Mullins is listening somehow right now and he's like rubbing his hands together?
Stee:
[15:49] He can't figure out podcasts No.
Dave:
[15:52] Definitely not, He gets his daughter to listen to the podcast and put it in an email and then print out the email Alright.
Tara:
[16:03] Time to reveal Emptied the dishwasher was Sarah D. Bunting who gets a point. Capitalizing on the trend with Nip Tuck also gets a point. That was Steven. Ikea was David J. Roth. Painting over each other's mistakes with David T. Cole, who gets two points for that one. And how much people want to get out of their own houses without leaving their house. Jeff Drake gets a point for that as well.
Sarah:
[16:26] Very, I mean, yeah.
Stee:
[16:28] So it's the Canadian that hates America. Got it, got it.
Tara:
[16:31] We're Americans now too, technically.
Stee:
[16:34] Oh, true.
Tara:
[16:34] Number three from September 12th, 2003, Ellen DeGeneres, her daytime talk show premieres this week. Punchline number one, the toughest part will be convincing the guests to stand up. Number two, but should you really be watching it when you should be out looking for a job? Number three, first Rosie, then Caroline Ray, and now Ellen. At this rate, every comedian gets a turn until Carrot Top is on at 3 p.m. Number four, no word on whether Laura Dern has agreed to be her band leader. Number five, if this doesn't inspire the unemployed to go out and get a job, nothing will. And number six, luckily, you will be at work.
Dave:
[17:13] What the hell is a Laura Dern one?
Tara:
[17:20] I mean, I can tell you, but I don't want to tip it.
Dave:
[17:22] Okay. No, I have to vote based on what I know, which is nothing, apparently.
Tara:
[17:28] That's right. David J. Roth, you are leading us off this round.
Roth:
[17:31] Laura Dern was the woman that was the other half of the first gay kiss.
Tara:
[17:36] That's right.
Dave:
[17:36] That's good.
Roth:
[17:37] Otherwise, there was a part where I was kind of like, leave Laura Dern out of this.
Dave:
[17:41] That was a lot funnier before I knew that.
Roth:
[17:43] That was a really funny joke before I knew that. take her name.
Jeff:
[17:47] Out of your mouth.
Roth:
[17:48] Yeah just randomly.
Dave:
[17:49] Why is she the band.
Roth:
[17:50] Leader great perfect no notes it does feel like the the smart play here is to do the um you shouldn't be watching tv when you should be at work or whatever because it seems like everyone was able to lock into that but then it's a question of where do you go within that i mean half of these options are that i'm gonna go with luckily you will be at work it is pithy and he um sort of my reach exceeded my grasp on my last one. It's like a bad idea executed fairly poorly, but not quite as poorly as last time I overestimated it.
Tara:
[18:22] All right, Steven.
Stee:
[18:23] Oh, man. I like that one. So inspire the unemployed to go out and get a job nothing will. And when you should really be watching it, we're looking at what he assumes all the readers don't have a job, which is very confusing to me. I think Caroline Ray and Ellen, I mean, I can see that being his fucking coup de grace. He did that one, sat down, poured himself a glass of milk, and was just like, I am so goddamn proud of myself. I am basically, this is a packet for Conan. I can just send this in. I don't understand stand up, which maybe is why I'm going to pick that.
Dave:
[19:06] Wow.
Stee:
[19:06] I just don't get it, but I swear about two out of every 10 of real Mullins, I read and I can't figure out no matter how many times I read it. So I'm going with that one.
Tara:
[19:15] Jeff.
Jeff:
[19:16] Wow. I mean, here's the thing. A lot of things that you're like, that's so Mulliny, but they're like a third rail. You're like Carrot Top. Oh shit. Yeah. That's fucking in his wheelhouse. Carrot Top. And then it's like, oh, but wait, is that the insidious use from one of these other very talented people imitating this ****? i mean and steven i mean i gotta say like i think it's very funny to imagine him celebrating with drinking milk but i like to think i like to think it's i like to think he's just fucking hardcore heroin he just fucking does heroin and goes away for a couple of days it's one or the other it's there's no in between with mullen but you really but should you really be watching it when you should be out looking for a job. That's the most mean one. I'm going to go with that.
Tara:
[20:08] All right. Sarah.
Sarah:
[20:09] I am very tempted by Rosie, Carolyn Ray, and Ellen because it takes such a long time and leads you so carefully along to get to the quote punch quote line. I have to agree on the Carrot Top thing. I just think that he would feel like that was too mean to Keratop or maybe has enjoyed Keratop in the past. And I also agree with the idea that because the unemployment shit keeps coming up, that one of them is the mullin. The question is, which one is badly written enough, but not too badly written to be the mullin? So I got to go with Inspire the Unemployed as my mullin selection.
Tara:
[20:52] David T. Cole.
Dave:
[20:53] I'm going simple, quick, and direct. Luckily, you will be at work.
Tara:
[20:57] The mullin has been guessed. The mullin is, but should you really be watching it when you should be out looking for a job?
Stee:
[21:02] Wow.
Tara:
[21:04] So Jeff Great gets two points for guessing that one. And one more point for writing the toughest part will be convincing the guests to stand up.
Dave:
[21:12] What does that mean, Jeff?
Stee:
[21:14] Beautiful. What is it?
Jeff:
[21:15] From her being a stand up.
Dave:
[21:17] Oh, okay.
Stee:
[21:18] Oh, wow.
Roth:
[21:19] Yeah. Wow. You were really in the mud room of your brain. You had not entered into the domicile part of it.
Jeff:
[21:26] And honestly, it was like, oh, I wrote one. Okay, moving on.
Tara:
[21:31] All right, Carrot Top is Dave Cole. Laura Dern is Sarah D. Bunting.
Stee:
[21:37] Yay.
Tara:
[21:37] Inspire the Unemployed is David J. Roth. Luckily, you will be at work, Stephen Fogg.
Dave:
[21:43] Nicely done.
Jeff:
[21:44] Nice.
Tara:
[21:45] Well done, all. Next.
Sarah:
[21:47] Wow. Well done.
Tara:
[21:49] Well done. Number four. February 21st, 2003, bathroom TVs. The latest trend, a flat screen over your tub. Here are our punchlines. Number one, the risk of electrocution is more than worth it for the chance to watch Monk in the Nude. Number two, gives new meaning to the term soap opera. Number three, also hot, a toaster on the edge of your swimming pool. Number four, it's the perfect way to watch Liza and David's wedding and then drown yourself afterwards. Number five, what do you do during commercials? Go to the living room? And number six, finally, a way to watch Friends while making none.
Stee:
[22:29] Jeff.
Sarah:
[22:30] Wow.
Stee:
[22:31] Wow.
Tara:
[22:31] Oh, Jesus.
Stee:
[22:32] Okay.
Jeff:
[22:33] Okay. All right.
Sarah:
[22:35] Just a sickening display, gentlemen.
Jeff:
[22:37] I know. It's awful.
Stee:
[22:38] Here's the shitty thing. These are all better than Mullen.
Tara:
[22:44] That's what's so diabolical about this game.
Stee:
[22:46] I know.
Jeff:
[22:47] It's super diabolical. I'm going to go old school. New meeting to the term soap opera.
Tara:
[22:52] Okay. Going in the correct order this time. Steven.
Stee:
[22:56] God damn it. I'm tempted by what do you do during commercials? Go to the living room. I'm tempted by the toaster at the edge of the swimming pool. But does he know anyone with a swimming pool? He's probably jealous of people with a swimming pool.
Dave:
[23:09] Well, I'll let you know this much, Steve. We do know that he lived slash lives somewhere in like the top half of New York State.
Tara:
[23:17] No, he's in Arizona.
Dave:
[23:18] Oh, okay. Back in the day he was then.
Tara:
[23:20] Oh, okay. Yeah. He may have moved.
Stee:
[23:22] Oh, God. Friends while making none is also so good. It's so good. You guys, these are so good. I really almost want to give it to Monk. I don't care who wrote it.
Dave:
[23:32] Sometimes you do both. You just, you have to give somebody a point.
Tara:
[23:35] Of course.
Sarah:
[23:36] They're joking.
Stee:
[23:36] More than worth it for the chance. It's just the wording is a little too good. I'm going to go commercials, go to the living room. I don't know.
Tara:
[23:46] Okay.
Jeff:
[23:49] Sarah.
Sarah:
[23:50] Go to the living room. I feel like I know who wrote that one and it's definitely too good for Mullen, but you have all my love. I have a feeling I know who wrote Monk too. And I would also love to give that one credit, but oh my God. But the Liza and David one is also like, it's so close, but I just don't think he necessarily knew about that. So I got to go with Friends, watch Friends while making none, because I feel like one of his stalking horses was, if you watch TV, then you're an unsocialized person. So that feels like Mullen. So I'm going to go with Friends.
Tara:
[24:29] David T. Cole.
Dave:
[24:30] My first thought when I was writing these was the soap opera joke. So I'm hesitant to guess it because I don't want it to be Mullen because that means my first thought was Mullen thought. I really want to pick toaster on the edge of your swimming pool because it suggests death without actually wishing it upon somebody. But I also don't know, even though it's a very common word, it's been used forever. I don't know if Mullen would say also hot. that little detail. I don't know if it's in his brain.
Tara:
[25:00] Well, it's called Jim Bullen's hot.
Dave:
[25:01] I know, but I don't even know if he made that up. You know what I mean? That could have been somebody at EW. So I'm going to take a gamble on the hot.
Tara:
[25:10] Okay.
Dave:
[25:10] And go with toaster on the edge of the swimming pool.
Sarah:
[25:12] Wow.
Tara:
[25:13] Right.
Jeff:
[25:13] Okay.
Tara:
[25:14] David J. Roth.
Roth:
[25:14] I really liked the, what do you do doing commercials? Go to the living room. Like just as a joke, if he wrote that, my hat is off to him. Otherwise, like that was, it's just antique enough to in the shape of it that like it It has like there's not a way to deliver that that doesn't involve doing like an accidental Jerry Seinfeld voice kind of.
Sarah:
[25:32] Yeah, that's true.
Roth:
[25:33] Hitting the long, lavish beat between like somewhere in there. But I'm going to go with the toaster on the edge of the swimming pool feels like the implied threat of harm. And then also the kind of like classic anything you do near water will electrocute you canard that I remember very strongly from my youth.
Tara:
[25:49] Strong round for Stephen Falk, who wrote, also hot, a toaster on the edge of your swimming pool, and guessed the mullin. What do you do during commercials? Go to the living room.
Sarah:
[25:59] He wrote that?
Tara:
[26:00] He wrote that.
Sarah:
[26:02] All right, Mully.
Stee:
[26:03] He does good. Like, once out of every 40 is, like, a really good job.
Sarah:
[26:08] You're like, oh, that sounds like a human. That's the worst part about him.
Dave:
[26:11] Dang.
Tara:
[26:11] The rest, risk of electrocution, watch Monk in the nude, was David J. Roth.
Stee:
[26:17] Yay.
Sarah:
[26:18] Good job. Whoops, guessing the wrong players.
Tara:
[26:20] Gives new meaning to the term soap opera was Sarah D. Bunting. It's the perfect way to watch Liza and David's wedding and then drown yourself afterwards, Jeff Drake. And finally, a way to watch Friends While Making None, David Tickle.
Sarah:
[26:34] Oh, I thought you were monk.
Dave:
[26:37] Damn it.
Stee:
[26:39] Monk in the nude.
Roth:
[26:41] Yeah, that was me kind of just giving myself a little treat. Like I was trying to go first thought, best thought with these, But typing Watch Monk in the nude, I was kind of like, do you really want to delete it, though? Like, you just typed it. Like, just leave it there.
Tara:
[26:55] Number five, from April 26th, 2002, the Osbournes. The family reportedly wants MTV to pay them millions for a second season. Here are the punchlines. Number one, they'd have to pay me millions to watch. Number two, still no word on where people that watched the first season could go to claim their damages. Number three, as part of the contract negotiation, Ozzy promises to try to enunciate. Number four, for that kind of money, you could get the Osmonds. Number five, that'll buy a lot of bats. And number six, Ozzy says he needs the money for subtitles.
Jeff:
[27:31] Oh my God, guys.
Roth:
[27:35] What are you going to do though, not play the game? Do another episode of your podcast?
Stee:
[27:41] Yeah, so, okay. Okay, so the Osmonds is far too good, although he probably has seven of their albums lying next to his turntable. Bats is always the first thought, and often he is first thought, best thought. Pay Me Millions and Damages, there's subtitles and enunciation. That'll buy a lot of bats for that kind of money. I am going to go, I'm going to go, that'll buy a lot of bats. First thought, best thought.
Tara:
[28:13] Sarah.
Sarah:
[28:14] That is first thought, best thought-y. I agree. But once again, we're in the, there's two of a kind here. So one of them might be the Mullen. Casting my mind back, lo, these many years to the Osbournes feel like the whole mush mouth Aussie thing was definitely what would have penetrated Mullen's brain. Osbournes is too good. So it's down to subtitles and enunciate for me. and I, yeah, I think it's subtitles. Needs the money for subtitles.
Tara:
[28:45] Okay. Dave. David T. Cole.
Dave:
[28:47] Yeah, I agree with what Sarah said, except I'm just going to pick enunciate to distribute points and hopefully start catching up because I am way behind.
Tara:
[28:55] Okay. David J. Roth.
Roth:
[28:56] I'm getting sped up, as they say, when quarterbacks are playing badly here. I'm chasing the Mullen brainwave. I'm going to go with that'll buy a lot of bats because it is kind of good and very obvious, and that seems to be what the trend has been so far.
Tara:
[29:13] Jeff.
Jeff:
[29:13] I think I'm not going to pick as David did with the enunciate because I feel like that makes more sense than Ozzy having the need for subtitles because Ozzy doesn't need subtitles. Ozzy understands Ozzy. Subtitles are for other people.
Dave:
[29:30] We're through the looking glass here with this one.
Sarah:
[29:33] We really are.
Jeff:
[29:34] For that reason, I'm awarding somebody in this Zoom points and picking money for subtitles because I'm sure I'm wrong.
Tara:
[29:41] You are. The mullin was not picked.
Dave:
[29:44] Moink?
Tara:
[29:45] The mullin is, for that kind of money, you could get the Osmunds.
Roth:
[29:48] Come on.
Dave:
[29:49] What?
Roth:
[29:50] Get it together.
Jeff:
[29:52] Mullen.
Sarah:
[29:52] Mullen.
Tara:
[29:53] Ah. Okay.
Jeff:
[29:55] Oh, my God.
Roth:
[29:56] Just phonics humor. Sounds. Yes, it was.
Jeff:
[30:00] Right. Because it doesn't really make sense.
Stee:
[30:02] It makes no sense.
Dave:
[30:03] We had so many theories and so many thoughts about how this would play out. And here at the end, mullin is the one laughing at us.
Stee:
[30:08] Is he dissing the Osmunds? So he thinks that Osman's are great.
Jeff:
[30:13] You could get the Osmonds for so much cheaper.
Tara:
[30:16] Well, here's what everyone did. They'd have to pay me millions to watch was Jeff. No word on where people that watch the first season can go to claim their damages was David J. Roth. Ozzy promises to try to enunciate Stephen Falk. Buy a lot of bats. Sarah D. Bunting needs the money for subtitles. David T. Cole.
Sarah:
[30:36] Shit. He gotcha.
Tara:
[30:38] And so did Sarah. All right, number six from May 26, 2000. Friends, the stars will stay put for $750,000 an episode.
Dave:
[30:48] I just want to say before you read them out, he loves money amounts.
Tara:
[30:52] Yeah, he does.
Dave:
[30:52] He loves money amounts.
Tara:
[30:53] He does.
Jeff:
[30:54] Oh, yeah, yeah.
Tara:
[30:54] Number one, maybe now they can finally afford more than two apartments. Number two, I'll be there for you and for three quarters of a million bucks. Exclamation mark. Next, number three, it's outrageous! Exclamation mark. You'd think they were basketball players. Number four, That's almost enough to cover rent in a Manhattan apartment their size. Number five, the chick and the duck settled for seed money. Number six, and so will David Schwimmer.
Dave:
[31:21] Wow, that one's great.
Sarah:
[31:22] If somebody wrote that here, kudos. That's good.
Jeff:
[31:26] So mean.
Dave:
[31:27] I enjoy that one.
Tara:
[31:29] Sarah, you are starting us on this round.
Sarah:
[31:32] No. David Schwimmer, I am tempted to give it to because that's a real rib shot. I think it's too good for him, although we've been wrong about this before. So many of these are just peak Mullen curdled resentment of… athletes, television stars.
Dave:
[31:51] The basketball one is really good.
Sarah:
[31:52] I do feel like he would be harping on Manhattan apartment size, so I'm going to go with that one.
Tara:
[31:58] David T. Cole.
Dave:
[31:59] Yeah, the apartment one is tempting because that is sort of like the whole thing about New York set shows, which is how can they ever afford the size of the apartment that they are actually living in. But I'm just going to do it. I'm giving it to David Schwimmer.
Roth:
[32:13] Sometimes you got to tip your cap.
Sarah:
[32:15] Someone's got to.
Roth:
[32:16] Yeah. this is far enough along in the show's run that I feel like all the jokes about how do they work in a coffee shop and live in an apartment like that would have been made like during the previous presidential administration like that's like late 90s stuff it's.
Dave:
[32:31] Worth saying though I don't believe he has watched 90% of the stuff that he talks about.
Roth:
[32:36] Also has.
Stee:
[32:37] Been said by the by real comedians and.
Roth:
[32:39] Then he's.
Stee:
[32:40] A few years later.
Roth:
[32:41] And that's kind of how I talk myself into it was the idea of being like That it's like this is an established bit that you would have to have been completely outside of all the discourse to be like grandly presenting it as your own and being like the main course, duck a la rage. Like it just doesn't. I'm going to take it because I admire how obvious it is. The Manhattan apartment.
Tara:
[33:05] Jeff.
Jeff:
[33:05] I do just want to say that I texted Tara about this. I read two in the archive that had the same punchline that was this person has a learner's permit to kill. One was a joke about Frankie Muniz, and one was about Halle Berry. And as I said to Tara, the first time ever those two stars have been in the same conversation.
Sarah:
[33:26] Wow.
Jeff:
[33:27] I'm so, as far as like, will he say something that is like a tired, tired old joke? 100%. I'm going to go for basketball players.
Tara:
[33:37] Okay. And finally, Steve.
Stee:
[33:40] Yeah, I'm tempted by basketball players. Take that out of context. Finally, for more than two apartments is a little too inside. Like, there's only two sets, I guess. But, yeah, so I'm going to go with Manhattan apartment.
Tara:
[33:58] Jeff picked the mullin, which is, it's outrageous. You'd think they were basketball players.
Dave:
[34:03] Yep, that's a good one.
Tara:
[34:05] Jeff wrote, maybe now they can finally afford more than two apartments. Stee wrote, I'll be there for you and for three quarters of a million bucks. David T. Cole is responsible for that's almost enough to cover rent in a Manhattan apartment there. Nice. The chick in the duck settled for seed money is Sarah D. Bunting. And so will David Schwimmer, a joke I also laughed out loud at when I put it in this talk, was David J. Roth.
Dave:
[34:30] Nicely done. Enjoy that point. You deserve it.
Stee:
[34:32] I tried to get Schwimmer immediately, and so I thought maybe that's no.
Roth:
[34:36] I didn't know if Schwimmer would be like, if he would be comfortable joking around about him at this point or if like Schwimmer still carries a lot of water in his town.
Stee:
[34:46] Yeah, he was working up a pitch to try to attach Schwimmer.
Dave:
[34:50] Sorry, who did I'll be there for you and three quarters of a million bucks?
Stee:
[34:53] Me.
Dave:
[34:54] A demonstration of too much friends knowledge, I think there. Yeah.
Tara:
[34:58] Number seven from June 8th, 2001, The Sopranos. The series recently debuted in Italy. Punchline number one, guess Italian execs got an offer they couldn't refuse. Number two, it will be shown there on HBO Mamma Mia.
Dave:
[35:15] Exclamation mark.
Tara:
[35:16] Number three, they know all about the mafia already, but are they really prepared to learn what New Jersey is?
Dave:
[35:22] Oh my God.
Tara:
[35:23] Number four, the Vatican put out a statement, forget about it. Number five, they made them an offer HBO couldn't refuse. and number six, except over there, it's called Father Knows Best.
Stee:
[35:37] What?
Sarah:
[35:38] David T.
Tara:
[35:39] Cole.
Sarah:
[35:39] What?
Stee:
[35:40] Wow.
Sarah:
[35:41] Wow.
Roth:
[35:42] Wow. Much to think about.
Dave:
[35:47] Boy, the one that speaks to me, but I think it's too long for Mullen, which makes me question myself, is they know all about the mafia already, but they are prepared to learn what New Jersey is.
Stee:
[35:58] Yeah.
Dave:
[35:58] Makes my Mullen porch on my brain tingle.
Tara:
[36:01] I don't know.
Dave:
[36:03] I don't understand the father's no best at all. I don't understand what that is, which doesn't exclude it for sure. And I really love HBO Mamma Mia. I'm tempted to swimmer this and give that a point. I'm going to go with New Jersey, even though I think it's too long for Mullen.
Tara:
[36:19] All right. David J. Roth.
Roth:
[36:21] I am drawn towards father knows best for the reason that David just explained, which is that it's just like another thing, just another show. that you could say the name of and leave it at that. Forget about it is bad enough that I feel like a certain confidence in attaching it to a moment. Just in general, like looking at it there on the page, I'm like, yeah, it feels like our guy. So I'm going to claim that.
Tara:
[36:46] All right, Jeff.
Jeff:
[36:48] Okay, wow. Guys, I'm proud of all of us. I'm going to go with Father Knows Best because as David Ross said, It's just another show, but also it's like, it's so old. Like it's such an old show. It's a terrible punchline. And so if I'm giving somebody's somebody points, you just know that you truly, truly channeled Mullen here.
Tara:
[37:18] Steven.
Stee:
[37:19] What I enjoy is that two people referenced a different mafia movie, The Godfather, when making Mullen's joke about The Sopranos, which is pretty high-level Mullen. Or Mullen and one of you. That said, I think I'm going to go for New Jersey. I think this was another one where he laid it all out on the table that day, had a glass of milk, and was very proud of himself.
Sarah:
[37:49] Sarity bunting if you can't get this one we are fucked i yeah we are um and we deserve it honestly um the offer hbo couldn't refuse i think is that case of not one of these must be the mullin but maybe all of us have been spending a little too much time thinking about this same list of things at the same time so i think those cancel each other out this time new jersey is exactly the kind of like easy pot shot that he would take it's a little too long not constructed very well but there's also an argument for oh mama mia which kind of doesn't make any sense and father knows best which really is just like let's remember a black and white show, forget about it is a little too good i gotta go new jersey i think he's that much of a dick.
Tara:
[38:44] Jeff guessed the mullin again, except over there it's called Father Knows Best.
Dave:
[38:48] God damn it.
Roth:
[38:49] What a guy.
Stee:
[38:50] What does that? We have to call him right now.
Dave:
[38:54] I was spending that whole question trying to figure out his exact age, but the internet does not know it to try to extrapolate backwards if he would have watched Father Knows Best. I can only guess he did.
Stee:
[39:05] What does that mean?
Roth:
[39:08] There's a dad. No, I honestly like I feel like this is one of those things where you have to get kicked in the head by a donkey and then you're like oh right.
Dave:
[39:16] Yeah obviously.
Roth:
[39:17] There it is i.
Jeff:
[39:19] Mean honestly it wasn't in the running for me until the two davids talked about it and i was like oh wait a second this doesn't this a doesn't make sense and b is like so old.
Dave:
[39:29] This isn't about that particular question but i just want to let everybody know he wrote a book called it takes a village idiot yeah a memoir of life after the city he used to live in manhattan and now he lives in the Catskills at this time. Right there, right at the bottom, the author of Entertainment Weekly's wildly popular Hot Sheet column.
Tara:
[39:49] How could they possibly know that? It's a thing in a parent magazine, but whatever. Here's what everyone did. Italian execs got an offer they couldn't refuse with Sarah D. Bunting. HBO Mamma Mia was Jeff.
Dave:
[40:00] Very good, Jeff.
Tara:
[40:01] New Jersey, David J. Roth. Forget about it, David T. Cole. Offer HBO couldn't refuse. parallel thought from Stephen Falk and the father-in-law's best, of course, Mullen. All right, we are almost at the halfway point from January 15th, 1999. Monday Night Football. Viewership is down for the fourth year in a row. Your punchlines. Number one, maybe they need a buzzier play-by-play guy. I hear OJ is available. Number two, have they considered putting Bill Clinton's impeachment trial on at halftime to boost ratings? 3. Because the internet is an even better way for men to ignore their families. Number four, might be time for that TRL crossover. Number five, the main problem, NFL fans are all blotto on their couches by 6 p.m. And number six, more people are tuning into Ally McBeal. At least she's got a better offensive line. Everyone is baffled.
Roth:
[41:01] This is so depraved. The whole thing.
Sarah:
[41:04] Oh, Jesus.
Dave:
[41:05] But the differences on this one, And each one of them, I have like a Mullen no-no.
Tara:
[41:12] Okay, well, ponder that because you're last to pick.
Dave:
[41:15] David J.
Tara:
[41:15] Ross, start us off.
Roth:
[41:16] You're basically looking for what is the easiest referent put in the cheapest looking frame, right? But there's a lot there in that regard. OJ seems too hard, like in the sense that that's like edgier. I'm going to say Bill Clinton's impeachment trial Just because it sucks enough that it could be. So that's my answer.
Tara:
[41:39] Okay, Jeff.
Jeff:
[41:40] So luckily for me, I have a six-sided coin, and I flipped it, and it came up. The main problem, NFL fans are all blotto on their couches by six feet.
Dave:
[41:49] You know, Jeff, we actually do have six-sided coins. They're really common.
Jeff:
[41:54] I haven't heard of these. What's it look like?
Dave:
[41:56] I don't know. I can't remember the name.
Jeff:
[41:58] Okay.
Tara:
[41:58] Steven.
Stee:
[41:59] I'm tempted by Bill Clinton.
Roth:
[42:03] And basketball player.
Jeff:
[42:04] And basketball players.
Stee:
[42:07] I feel like Blotto is a little bit of a giveaway. It feels a little too channeling Mullen. Oh, but it might be Mullen channeling himself.
Tara:
[42:19] This is how this gig gets in your head.
Stee:
[42:22] I'm sure he thinks football fans are meatheads and drunks. I'm going to go with that one.
Tara:
[42:28] Okay. Sarity Bunting.
Sarah:
[42:30] I had the same issue with Blotto. I am torn between two known mullin bugaboos or buggas boo, if you prefer, the internet and Ms. McBeal. I don't think he knows what an O-line is, though, so internet it is.
Tara:
[42:48] Okay. David T. Cole.
Dave:
[42:51] Buzzier, I don't think, belongs in the first one. I had some reservations about the second one, but Roth talked me out of it. Internet too early, TRL outside of his knowledge base, Blotto, and then Ali. McBeal just being something that, well, actually maybe that one, maybe like whoever wrote that is really smart, but let's just put that aside. I'm going to go with Roth and say Bill Clinton's impeachment trial against all good sense.
Tara:
[43:19] Well, Jeff and Dave Roth guessed each other's, and I think that's beautiful. But the answer is because the Internet is an even better way for men to ignore their families.
Sarah:
[43:27] Wow. What?
Roth:
[43:29] Which is pretty edgy for him. That's fast. Can I say a word on why I chose to use blotto? Because I think I got called out for it effectively here. So the dumbest thing I did, I tried to go first thought, best thought with all my answers. And then before I filed them to Tara, I went through and made every sentence worse in one way. i tried to find like some the new jersey one ending that sentence with the word is i hate that i never do that in my actual writing but i was like that looks dumb this.
Dave:
[43:54] Is the kind of information you should give out the end of the show.
Roth:
[43:56] Dave i'm just saying everybody already knows my shit's the ones that are going to be too long but uh blotto i was like this is maybe too much and i think i deserve to be uh dinged for it being no.
Stee:
[44:06] No no i guessed it it was good.
Dave:
[44:07] Blotto is a really fun word though i enjoy seeing it wherever right.
Roth:
[44:10] It's a it's a class it's like a real and mid-century classic. Yes, it is.
Tara:
[44:14] This was one where I made a tweak. So Steve originally filed maybe they need a more buzzy play by play guy. And I changed it to buzzy or to be more pithy. But so if that fucked you, I'm sorry. But I think the issue is buzzy.
Dave:
[44:27] Where do you get off changing our answers?
Tara:
[44:28] I'm sorry. That was Steve. Bill Clinton's impeachment was Jeff. TRL crossover was Sarah D. Bunting. Blotto, of course, Dave Roth. And tuning into Ally McBeal was Dave Twill.
Dave:
[44:39] Too clever.
Sarah:
[44:40] Mm-hmm.
Stee:
[44:41] Yeah. It was good, though.
Dave:
[44:44] All right, before we get into our second half of Mullen-Mark 3, let's find out where you can find out more about our guests. Let's start off with David J. Roth. Where can people find more David J. Roth?
Roth:
[44:54] All the writing that i do at defector.com which is the website that i am a co-owner and editor at all the writing is exactly like the writing that i do in this and so if you're enjoying this type of insight into the culture and this type of facility with language ending sentences with the word is making the most obvious joke possible uh defector.com it's a you gotta subscribe of course but i think it's worth it uh for that.
Dave:
[45:18] Absolutely mr jeff drake where can people find mark jeff drake.
Jeff:
[45:22] Well uh i'm on blue sky for the 13 people who are on blue sky with me uh at uh hate the drake and then uh i also do a podcast about the worst comic strip ever called nine chickweed lane that's uh the strip uh our podcast is called nine chickweed rage that i do with my longtime friend brooke dillman who is also a voice actress and of course it's uh you can find it everywhere that they have podcasts nine chickweed rage.
Dave:
[45:50] And Stephen Falk, a.k.a. Steve, where can people find more about you?
Stee:
[45:54] Oh, hi. They can go to a website called Instagram and follow me at Stephen Falk. Or they can watch my show, You're the Worst, that I did for five years on Hulu. Or, yeah, that's about it.
Tara:
[46:08] Thank you so much. All right, here are our scores. Sarah D. Bunting has seven. David T. Cole has nine. David J. Roth and Stephen Falk are tied with ten. but Jeff Drake is in the lead with 12.
Roth:
[46:23] Wow.
Dave:
[46:24] Remember earlier when I said smash cut to Jeff Drake winning the whole day?
Tara:
[46:27] Yeah.
Jeff:
[46:28] I don't feel good. I feel very ill right now.
Roth:
[46:33] That's how you can tell it's working.
Jeff:
[46:38] It's tingling.
Tara:
[46:39] Number nine from October 23rd, 1998, Ally McBeal. Her skirts will be going up another inch this year. Here are the punchlines. Number one, by 2001, they'll just be belts. Number two, maybe they should make their sandwiches go up another inch. Everyone in that cast looks like they could use an Ally McMeal. Number three, and men all over America will move their lazy boys another inch closer to the screen. Number four, next year she'll be on the Spice Channel. Number five, it was that or hire a better writing team. Number six, actually, when it's that short, it's not a skirt. It's a long choker.
Dave:
[47:21] Jesus.
Stee:
[47:22] Wow.
Tara:
[47:24] Going first this time, Jeff Drake.
Sarah:
[47:27] Oh, God.
Jeff:
[47:29] I hate when I go first on this because I like hearing everybody rule things out for me. I love belts. I love long choker. I like long choker now the more I think about it because it really doesn't make sense. Now I'm drawn to it now that I've noticed that. Oh, I hate this game. I'm going to go Lazy Boy another inch closer.
Tara:
[47:53] All right. Steven.
Stee:
[47:55] Oh, boy. It's either that one or writing team, because he clearly doesn't know that it's a writing staff. So for that reason, or I was out thought by someone who was clever enough to put writing team, I'm guessing writing team.
Tara:
[48:12] All right. Sarah D. Bunting.
Sarah:
[48:15] That is such an excellent point. uh writing team is now in play for me along with long choker which yeah what just say belt which someone also did so now i'm very confused it.
Jeff:
[48:30] Can't be a choker and be long that's just.
Sarah:
[48:34] Impossible that's a cape part yeah i just don't it is a cape it's a poncho i But the Ally McMeal is like a little too sort of baggy and mulliny. I just, oh, the Spice Channel is also tempting. These are all good. You're all terrible. We are terrible. Lazy Boys is my answer.
Tara:
[48:56] Thank you. David T. Cole.
Dave:
[48:58] Here's my problem with Lazy Boys. And when I say problem is problem whether I should pick it or not. It's not Lazy-E Boys. It's Lay-Z-Boy is the name.
Stee:
[49:09] Oh, good boy.
Dave:
[49:10] Lay down on it. And it's not, and the E makes it, you are lazy. But did he know that? And did the editors catch it is my issue here. The other thing, which is really inside baseball is Allie McMeal. Allie McMeal, which I love, has an italicized sandwiches, which I don't know if anybody here would do, but it's the sort of thing that Tara would add to the doc because she's italic crazy. Whenever there's a title, even though it's never going out to the public, she will italicize it in her docs. That might be an unfair advantage So I'm putting it out there But I am going to pick Ally McNeil, not for the italics But because I fucking love that joke.
Roth:
[49:52] I also Really, maybe they should make their Sandwiches go up another inch That's not what a sandwich does at all I mean, it does if you put more Stuff in it, but it's not like a Bike pump makes your sandwich Larger as you fill it With air Maybe not where you live Yeah, maybe that's right. That's more of a central Jersey thing than a North Jersey.
Sarah:
[50:14] It's a Catskills thing, apparently.
Roth:
[50:18] All right. So Ally McNeil, wonderful. Love the thought. Also kind of like Spice Channel here, because that feels very 90s in the sense that it's like that's about as edgy as you could get then. And then also that's where you would have to go to find pornography. I'm going to go with Lazy Boys due to the previously established thing that he thinks that everybody that's watching these are hogs. And so he's just like, what would a beast of the field do when presented with this?
Dave:
[50:46] When that turns out to be the answer, I'm going to be livid. Livid.
Tara:
[50:50] Well, it's not. The mullin was not guessed. 2001, they'll just be belts. That was Sarah D. Bunting. Sandwiches, Jeff Drake.
Dave:
[51:00] Very good, Jeff.
Roth:
[51:00] Really good.
Tara:
[51:01] D, I was feeling bad when Dave called it out that I didn't edit Lazy Boys, but it doesn't seem to have hurt you because you got three points for Lazy Boy.
Roth:
[51:08] Good work.
Sarah:
[51:10] Yay?
Tara:
[51:11] Nice. Spice Channel is David T. Cole. Writing Team is David J. Roth. And actually, when it's that short, it's not as skirt.
Sarah:
[51:19] It's a long choker was. Why did you make that?
Tara:
[51:21] Fucking mullet.
Stee:
[51:22] Listen, Jeff, Jeff, when you got angry at it, you got angry at it. You should have picked it immediately.
Roth:
[51:29] Yeah.
Jeff:
[51:29] I know. I should have. I should have.
Dave:
[51:30] That's really good advice, actually.
Jeff:
[51:32] I mean, because it's probably the least The thing that has made the least sense so far. A long choker.
Roth:
[51:41] It's also especially, that's I guess how he knew that his column was wildly popular, was that every week they would get a bunch of letters that would be like, that's not how a choker works. And they're just going by raw volume of postage received.
Stee:
[51:56] And he just thought he was getting fan mail. He was just like, oh, I can't answer all this fan mail. Why is it getting bigger every week?
Roth:
[52:03] You should make my sandwiches go up.
Tara:
[52:07] Number 10. From April 18th, 1998, MTV Russia. The former Soviet Republic will finally get a music video channel. Here are your punchlines. Number one.
Sarah:
[52:19] Oh, boy.
Tara:
[52:20] Its first reality show is called The Real Cold World. Number two. They'll be clamoring for a return to communism within two weeks of hearing Christina Aguilera for the first time.
Dave:
[52:31] Oh, that's good.
Tara:
[52:32] Number three, the VJs have to pause between songs for bread lines. Number four, who needs food when you can have Beavis and Butthead? Number five, probably not the perestroika Mr. Gorbachev had in mind. And number six, Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this VJ. Okay. You guys proud?
Roth:
[52:56] No, I don't feel very good.
Stee:
[52:59] Sorry, please don't play this. Edit this out, but is it too late to quit?
Dave:
[53:05] Yeah.
Stee:
[53:07] Okay, you can record again. um wow clamoring clamoring for a return to i mean obviously the minute i saw soviet union it was just gonna be a historical mess of what was actually happening and, then there's tear down the wall which is not even russia it's east germany and i don't know what to do um i you know he probably thinks bread bread lines and food very easy not the perestroika i don't know if he knows that word christina aguilera a little too good real cold it's either real cold world or beavis and butthead but but but but but real cold world doesn't make any sense so it's probably i'm gonna go i'm going beavis and butthead.
Sarah:
[53:54] All right aguilera is tempting but i i don't think he'd tangle with her and that seems like a this has been padded to make it seem more Mulliny entry from a David. We'll see if I'm right. We'll also see if I'm right that Beavis and Butthead was the mullin.
Tara:
[54:15] Okay. David T. Cole.
Dave:
[54:17] I'm going with Beavis and Butthead only because there's the hyphen between butt and head and I feel like that's an editor at work.
Roth:
[54:23] I was going to say that is how his name is spelled technically.
Tara:
[54:26] David J. Roth.
Roth:
[54:28] Tear down this VJ is actually very funny to me, but it is also, I guess, was pointed out, just an absolute hash uh, nonsense. Uh, Real cold world doesn't make no damn sense. I'm going to pick that.
Tara:
[54:42] All right. Wrapping up with Jeff Drake.
Jeff:
[54:45] Okay. I'm going to call this the Stephen Falk rule. The thing that made me the angriest is the one I'm going to vote for. And it's pause between songs for bread lines because that doesn't make sense. You stand in a bread line. And how would you pause between songs to go stand? That doesn't make sense to me. So I'm going with bread lines.
Tara:
[55:04] A lot of points were earned in this round. I'll just go through in order. Its first reality show is called The Real Cold World was Mr. Stephen Falk.
Dave:
[55:14] Oh, boy.
Roth:
[55:15] I'm padding this guy.
Tara:
[55:17] Still be clamoring for a return to communism within two weeks of hearing Christine Aguilera for the first time was David J. Roth. So Sarah was right. It was a David. The VJs have to pause between songs for bread lines was the other David, T. Cole.
Jeff:
[55:31] Damn it.
Tara:
[55:33] Who needs food when you can have Beavis and Butthead? Mullins. Yes.
Roth:
[55:37] Yes.
Tara:
[55:38] Probably not the perestroika Mr. Gorbachev had in mind was Sarah D. Bunting, and Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this VJ, was Jeff.
Stee:
[55:46] Boom. Boom. I'm mad at you now, Jeff.
Sarah:
[55:51] So many fights.
Tara:
[55:52] Moving on. Number 11 from July 18, 1997. Aaron Spelling, his 45-room Holmby Hills mansion, has a leaky roof. Here are your punchlines. Number one, the family's bunking at the Bellage, the entire Bellage, while it's getting repaired. Number two, even his shingles want to spin off. Number three, he's having pots and pans custom made to catch the drips. Number four, if only this guy could catch a break! Number five, and in worse news, it's only a one Torrey building. And number six, errant spelling, more like errant ceiling.
Dave:
[56:33] What the hell is that last one one tory.
Sarah:
[56:36] Building needs.
Stee:
[56:37] To immediately just walk out can.
Sarah:
[56:40] I quit no.
Tara:
[56:43] You can't you have to go first sarah d bunton.
Sarah:
[56:45] Oh my god i mean even his shingles want to spin off is such a uh you know i am two minutes from deadline and my heroin milk is waiting i fuck this entry that it is tempting pots and pans custom made to catch the drips also very tempting if only this guy could catch a break is tempting i think one tory building is like a bridge to mullen here errant ceiling definitely uh you know um i nod to you sir but ah wow i think it's uh if only this guy could catch a break okay.
Tara:
[57:25] David t cole.
Dave:
[57:27] I genuinely do not remember which one is mine.
Tara:
[57:32] Yes, Dave was the first one to file his, that was on Friday, two days ago.
Roth:
[57:39] They're all getting the like Hal computer from 2001 getting shut down. That's like happening to our brains in real time on this podcast.
Dave:
[57:47] Somebody is definitely pulling my memory chips as we speak. I... Pots and pans. i like pots and pans.
Tara:
[57:58] Pots and pans custom pots and pans david j roth again.
Roth:
[58:02] Uh it's all been said many hideous options.
Tara:
[58:05] Uh shingles.
Roth:
[58:06] Spinoff for me please.
Tara:
[58:08] Okay jeff okay.
Jeff:
[58:10] I i'm torn because i and i'm sure and like i'm gonna say them out loud and so two people are gonna go like please give me a point because i'm guaranteed that neither of these mullen they feel it though if only this guy could catch a break feels really solidly in his wheelhouse why wouldn't he love Aaron Spelling I'm gonna go with that one.
Tara:
[58:31] Shingles was.
Jeff:
[58:32] The other one I was for whoever sorry.
Tara:
[58:36] Steven I'm.
Stee:
[58:37] So so so tempted to do one Tori building it's really good I just I want to give credit I want to give love and the 1% chance it's Mullen I want to win yeah I'm not going to though I'm gonna pick custom pots and pans.
Tara:
[58:54] He's having pots and pans custom made to catch the drips is the mullins yeah.
Roth:
[58:59] Oh damn it raced now.
Tara:
[59:01] Bunky at the bellage with sarah de bunting and sarah i considered getting back to you and saying because i wasn't i wasn't playing so i would be the only one to know that was a tell like anyone else would say beverly hills hotel or something that's a 90210 thing.
Sarah:
[59:15] Yeah i was so blocked on this shit that i was like i'm just gonna do a joke for tara.
Tara:
[59:20] I appreciated it and I loved it. Even a shingles want to spin off is David T. Cole. If only this guy could catch a break. Stephen Falk. One Tory building. Fan favorite. Jeff Drake. Finally. Aaron smelling more like Aaron's ceiling. Far too good from David Shailer.
Roth:
[59:42] Is it too good? Is that the word?
Stee:
[59:44] No, it's not good. She didn't mean that.
Sarah:
[59:47] It's too much. It's too much.
Tara:
[59:50] Okay, number 12, from May 31st, 1996, John Tesh. He's leaving-
Sarah:
[1:00:00] That just fell out of my head after three days. You bastard.
Tara:
[1:00:05] He's leaving entertainment tonight to write more new age music. Here are your punchlines. Number one, looks like entertainment reporting's loss is now new age music's loss. Number two, now how are ET viewers supposed to learn when it's Heather Locklear's birthday? Number three, you mean there's not enough? Number four, great news. Yanni finally has a rival. Number five, at least Extra still has Yanni. And number six, guess you could say his motivation is crystal clear.
Dave:
[1:00:38] Oh, man.
Stee:
[1:00:41] Dueling Yanni.
Dave:
[1:00:42] Yeah. I guess I'm not allowed to... I don't understand Yanni stuff.
Tara:
[1:00:47] Well, you're first, so that's going to be hard on you.
Dave:
[1:00:50] It is going to be.
Stee:
[1:00:51] I think Yanni's a new age.
Dave:
[1:00:53] Oh, I know who Yanni is. I just don't understand it in the context of Extra still has Yanni. He couldn't have been a host on Extra.
Tara:
[1:01:01] I'm not going to try and explain anything for obvious reasons.
Dave:
[1:01:04] The first one's so savage. It looks like Entertainment Reporting's loss is now new age. Music's loss.
Roth:
[1:01:12] That's a really good joke.
Sarah:
[1:01:13] 1.5. Gorgeous.
Dave:
[1:01:15] I also really like Heather Locklear's birthday because that's like a slightly dated reference given that this is, what is this, 96? TJ Hooker, is that what she was on?
Tara:
[1:01:26] She was still on Melrose Place at this point.
Dave:
[1:01:28] Was she? Oh, wait, I'm thinking of the other one. That's not her.
Tara:
[1:01:31] Oh, Heather Thomas.
Dave:
[1:01:32] Yeah, Heather Thomas. Okay, never mind. I would say You Mean There's Not Enough is like too basic, but there's been three of those so far in this game. But, oh, God, I'm just going to go with the first one. It's sad. New Age Music's Lost. I just, I like it. So I'm going to go with that one.
Tara:
[1:01:50] Dave Roth.
Roth:
[1:01:51] Yeah on principle i should give that one a point just because it's a really funny joke to me like it's like too mean to be said in any sort of like late night context really like it's like a norm mcdonald weekend update joke yeah.
Dave:
[1:02:04] But the other thing about mullen i think about is like he is fine with really digging in on certain topics like he today would have this joke about vegans.
Roth:
[1:02:13] Do you know what i mean like yes it.
Dave:
[1:02:15] Feels safe to him to make fun of this.
Roth:
[1:02:17] That does make sense and that's sort of i i'm drawn to the yanni ones because they feel easy in that way where he's sort of like i know another new age thing and then just like saying the word yanni and be like that's it time for lunch so uh i'll go with great news yanni has a rival because it's, It's got the colon and it stinks. I feel like I've lost the thread a bit, but I'm going to stay with it.
Dave:
[1:02:43] I love the colon as a mullet marker. This is great. We're really overthinking this.
Jeff:
[1:02:48] I just like the combination of saying it's got the colon and it stinks.
Roth:
[1:02:55] Something it has in common with all of every mammal.
Jeff:
[1:02:59] So I just got back from the doctor and he had one thing to say to me. It's got a colon and it stinks.
Dave:
[1:03:04] Yanni.
Jeff:
[1:03:05] I'll take the same one. And David Roth did. Yanni finally has a rival.
Tara:
[1:03:10] Okay. Steven.
Stee:
[1:03:12] I mean, Heather Locklear makes me angry because he's leaving, but they're still going to do the birthday thing. So it doesn't make sense. Crystal Clear is very tempting. I think I'm just going to go, you mean there's not enough.
Tara:
[1:03:26] And back to Sarah.
Sarah:
[1:03:28] Yeah. New Age Music's lost. Flawlessly done, whoever that was. It certainly wasn't Mullen. I'm with Steve. Heather, they're still going to have the show. even though he's gone. I mean, good bumper crop, or bumper crap, I guess, but I, too, will be selecting Yanni Finally Has a Rival.
Dave:
[1:03:48] Before we get into answers... Is there meaning behind Yanni and the extra one?
Tara:
[1:03:53] I think the point is it's another.
Dave:
[1:03:55] It's just another show.
Tara:
[1:03:56] Extra is another entertainment show. And he's another new age.
Dave:
[1:03:59] But just the way it was worded, it still has Yanni. Like it felt like he was a mainstay on extra. It really confused me.
Tara:
[1:04:04] Well, why don't you let Stee explain that one? Cause it's. Oh, okay.
Jeff:
[1:04:07] Stee, explain yourself.
Stee:
[1:04:10] It's not supposed to make any sense.
Dave:
[1:04:11] Okay.
Stee:
[1:04:12] I picked another new age guy and another show and mashed them together.
Dave:
[1:04:16] Well, just know you got in my head. You got in my head something.
Tara:
[1:04:20] Okay, here's everybody else. Looks like Entertainment Reporting's loss is now New Age Music's loss was Jeff Drake.
Stee:
[1:04:27] Yes.
Tara:
[1:04:28] Now, how are ET viewers supposed to learn when it's Heather Locklear's birthday was Dave Roth.
Stee:
[1:04:33] Nice.
Tara:
[1:04:33] You mean there's not enough was Mullen.
Dave:
[1:04:36] Fuck!
Stee:
[1:04:36] Yes.
Jeff:
[1:04:36] Damn it.
Dave:
[1:04:37] Fuck me!
Tara:
[1:04:39] Yanni finally has a rival. That was Dave. Extra Yanni, of course, was Falk. And guess you could say his motivation is crystal clear. That was Sarah D. Bunting.
Stee:
[1:04:49] Sarah.
Roth:
[1:04:50] Very good i'm just honestly at this point i'm taking pleasure from if if i have come up with a thought that's bad enough in terms of how it was wrought and how it was written that i've frustrated one of you even briefly in one of these then it's all been worth it i'm not gonna win but i've now realized that i really do not want yeah.
Sarah:
[1:05:08] It really is such a yin yang.
Roth:
[1:05:10] Situation i.
Jeff:
[1:05:11] Mean i just i just want to say specifically to david t cole yeah that obviously i equate you with jim Mullen, because I'm voting for you consistently.
Sarah:
[1:05:20] Yeah, me too.
Dave:
[1:05:21] I enjoy David Day Roth pulling the pin on the grenade and running into the room with his... Those are always fun answers.
Tara:
[1:05:26] All right. We're in the final quarter of this match.
Dave:
[1:05:30] All right.
Tara:
[1:05:31] From September 29, 1995, the Miss America pageant. The public voted to keep the swimsuit competition. Here are your punchlines. Number one, no word on whether they also voted to keep the stupid questions about world peace. Number two, they also voted to get rid of the rest of the show, but ABC has it blocked out for three hours on the broadcast schedule. Number three, because nothing says talent like waterproof heels. Number four, but only because they love the fashions! Exclamation mark. Number five, Colin Powell came in second. And number six, and bikini waxing is now considered a, quote, talent, end quote.
Dave:
[1:06:10] Yuck.
Tara:
[1:06:11] Leading off this round is David J. Roth.
Dave:
[1:06:15] Phew.
Roth:
[1:06:16] Yeah, what a mess. Colin Powell came in second is good because my first thought is like I don't understand where you're going here, I'm going to say because nothing says talent like waterproof heels I don't like the gag and I don't like how it's written and that for that reason I'm making that decision.
Jeff:
[1:06:38] Jeff as much as I want to vote for Colin Powell just to I think that one was yours Jeff.
Sarah:
[1:06:45] Because I love colons.
Dave:
[1:06:49] It stinks.
Jeff:
[1:06:51] As much as we've learned that Stephen is drawn to different things, I'm obviously drawn to colons. I'm going to go with the ex-glam, but only because they love the fashions. Because the plural of fashion is very curious to me. So that's where I'm going.
Tara:
[1:07:10] Okay. Stephen.
Stee:
[1:07:12] Yeah, I really want to do bikini waxing, but so far we seem to, when there's doubles, it seems to be us and not one of the Mullins, unless I'm remembering wrong. I'm going to cancel those out. I don't understand Colin Powell. They love the fashions is tempting. Stupid questions. Three hours blocked out is so explainy and Mulliny, but I'm going to go for stupid questions about world peace. That sounds like first, what do I know about these shows? Oh, yeah, those questions. About world peace, I'm doing that one. It's hacky enough. Going for it.
Tara:
[1:07:51] All right, Sarah.
Sarah:
[1:07:53] Many convincing arguments have been made here. ABC has it blocked out for three hours on the broadcast schedule is exactly the kind of how do you do fellow readers energy that Mullen has. But no word on is like so Mullen-y, but I think a couple of people in the group have definitely fooled me with the no word on or I guess. So I'm torn, but I'm going to go world peace. Why not?
Tara:
[1:08:21] Okay, Dave.
Dave:
[1:08:23] I just realized, Jeff Drake, that I've been returning the favor and picking a lot of yours just because I find them funny. And I think I'm going to continue by choosing Colin Powell game in second this time.
Tara:
[1:08:35] Wrong. That's the Mullen.
Dave:
[1:08:36] Yes Yes Can we call Mullen again.
Jeff:
[1:08:40] Why I knew once I ruled it out I was like this makes zero fucking sense I don't understand I don't understand.
Roth:
[1:08:49] It's just another guy An.
Jeff:
[1:08:51] Election happened Who.
Roth:
[1:08:53] Is a politics guy.
Jeff:
[1:08:54] I know it's so good Ship it Ship it Get that.
Tara:
[1:09:01] Milk Jesus Questions about World Peace was Jeff. Blocked Out for Three Hours was Roth. Waterproof Heels was David T. Cole.
Roth:
[1:09:12] That's good for you.
Tara:
[1:09:13] Love the Fashions was Falk. And Bikini Waxing was Sarah D. Bunting.
Jeff:
[1:09:19] Damn it.
Tara:
[1:09:19] Number 14. From June 3rd, 1994. Rod Serling. They found two lost Twilight Zone scripts. Your punchlines. Number one. Wonder if one of them is a fable about the dangers of shooting a discarded old teleplay number two that's funny they weren't here yesterday and Number three, they're set in a dimension we call dot, dot, dot cyberspace. Number four, or did they? Number five, turns out they were in Jimmy Hoffa's breast pocket all along. And number six, found along with them were pages of handwritten network notes. We are starting this round with Jeff Drake.
Stee:
[1:09:59] Diabolical. Diabolical.
Jeff:
[1:10:01] I hate how the wheel spins and it gets to be my turn again.
Stee:
[1:10:05] Guys, we should start a writing team.
Sarah:
[1:10:11] My waterproof heels and I will be right over yeah okay hang on.
Dave:
[1:10:17] Well Jeff is thinking do you think Jim Mullen is underemployed at the moment and we can get him to give us to write more more of these we can't tell him why because that would you know we would have to have him.
Sarah:
[1:10:30] Do like a hundred of them because once he figures out what they're for he'll have us arrested so.
Dave:
[1:10:35] Do you think he's still got it yes okay I mean.
Tara:
[1:10:38] As much as he ever did, yes.
Dave:
[1:10:40] Yeah.
Tara:
[1:10:40] I think he's still on the level that he was functioning at this point.
Jeff:
[1:10:44] Yeah, yeah.
Sarah:
[1:10:44] Yes, I don't think this muse can be excused.
Tara:
[1:10:47] The only thing is he would have a harder time in the post-monoculture era because he's not going to be able to come up with jokes about Billie Eilish or any show on Apple TV+. You know what I mean?
Dave:
[1:10:58] Like we can. Dot, dot, dot. All right, Jeff Drake.
Jeff:
[1:11:02] Okay. All right. So, um, I'm, I'm going to rule out cyberspace that feels really that feel. Yeah. I'm just going to rule that one out. What do I know? Handwritten feels like a weird addendum to found along them where we're pages of handwritten network notes. I'm not, I'm not sure why the notes would be handwritten or, or why he would say that specifically. And so, uh, I'm just going to go with the shortest one or did they?
Tara:
[1:11:33] Okay. next is Steven it's.
Jeff:
[1:11:36] Probably Steven Falks I keep voting for his.
Stee:
[1:11:39] You know okay they that's funny they weren't here yesterday seems they've found i'm just looking at his wording because he makes the wording rod serling is the headline so rod serling not twilight zone they've found two lost twilight zone scripts they that's funny they weren't here yesterday turns out they were in jimmy wonder if one of them is a fable about the dangers of shooting a discarded old you know jimmy hoffa it feels like it's one of you a-holes who wrote that yeah just to tempt me and yet i i fell into the hole in which he's buried and i'm going with jimmy hoffa okay.
Sarah:
[1:12:21] Sarah teleplay nice try not going for it that's funny they weren't here yesterday a little too elegant or did they ditto but yeah i'm with ste i am pretty sure jimmy hoffa is a trap but we're all falling in it together so hoffa it is dave.
Dave:
[1:12:42] Yeah my first thought was oh hoffa that's such a direct line between this setup and the center of mullen's brain and it's such.
Sarah:
[1:12:52] An easy.
Stee:
[1:12:52] Things.
Dave:
[1:12:53] That were not here and now maybe they are but it works in the opposite way so like I don't know it doesn't make any sense but that doesn't necessarily exclude it, sure doesn't no I'm gonna say that's funny they weren't here yesterday because that doesn't it feels like 10% Twilight Zone okay.
Roth:
[1:13:13] Yeah you have to you have to account for the not knowing anything about anything factor of it and the idea of like this guy writes about popular culture like the network notes for me is like that there's enough like pretend savvy in that i admire it like just because it's like that's a very 90s like here's a thing that everybody knows about but the uh that's funny they weren't here yesterday and or did they are both like the only thing i know about the twilight zone is that weird stuff happens in it and they both kind of scanned for me there i'll go with or did they uh just in the presumption that again if we assume that the man is chasing the next frosty mug of milk, typing three words would be the fastest way to get there well.
Tara:
[1:14:00] First of all i want to say this is the only one that i remember my punchline for and i think i could i could have fooled a couple of you with, they're always in the last dimension you look.
Dave:
[1:14:08] That's really good.
Tara:
[1:14:09] But I regret to tell you, not only that Dave guessed the correct Mullen, that's funny they weren't here yesterday, but he also wrote, or did they?
Stee:
[1:14:19] Wow.
Tara:
[1:14:20] That's a four-point round for David T. Cole. Discarded old teleplay was Dave Roth, a dimension we call Cyber Space with Sarah, Jimmy Hoffa's Breast Pocket all along, which also got two points for Jeff Drake, and pages of handwritten network notes. was Stephen Falk.
Dave:
[1:14:37] Everybody is definitely identifying the different little parts of his brain. You know, the one that's dedicated to young girls, the one that's dedicated to old mafia people. You're drilling down really well.
Roth:
[1:14:50] That's why you need a writing team.
Sarah:
[1:14:51] Black and white sitcoms.
Roth:
[1:14:53] It's like putting together a heist.
Tara:
[1:14:55] Yeah.
Roth:
[1:14:56] It's a mind crime.
Dave:
[1:14:58] Mind crime.
Roth:
[1:14:59] Yeah, what was the demolitions expert?
Stee:
[1:15:01] I mean, but I just want to point out in Joe Construction he wrote they've found two lost Twilight Zone scripts that's funny they weren't here yesterday which doesn't work at all right.
Jeff:
[1:15:13] No which is why it's him C's.
Stee:
[1:15:17] Falling into the overanalyzed trap I am I am.
Tara:
[1:15:20] Just two questions remain number 15 from May 7th 1993 more whining from Tom and Roseanne is like the category ABC put them through a living hell by making them rich and famous. Here are your punchlines. Number one, now they want the couple to sing the anthem at the network holiday party. Number two, but Roseanne has put Tom through a living hell just by being herself. Number three, and by forcing them to appear on a new Family Matters spinoff called Money Matters More. Number four, they're nostalgic for the days when the only people who are sick of them were living in the trailer next door. Number five, someone get them a sympathy the yacht and number six and the network expects to be thanked. Starting this one with Stephen Falk.
Stee:
[1:16:08] Oh, God damn it. No. Okay. More whining. I mean, yeah, right there in the topic. He's in a bad mood.
Tara:
[1:16:18] Yep.
Stee:
[1:16:18] He's mad at having to write a joke about these assholes. Living hell.
Jeff:
[1:16:23] But excited at the same time. He included it in his list.
Sarah:
[1:16:26] He loves it.
Stee:
[1:16:27] He loves it. He knows about the anthem thing, although I don't know what year that was. It may have been.
Dave:
[1:16:34] It was before this.
Tara:
[1:16:35] For sure. It was before this.
Stee:
[1:16:36] Money Matters More. Oh, God. He probably knows. Fuck. Okay.
Dave:
[1:16:40] Anthem was 1990.
Tara:
[1:16:41] I knew it was in Sassy Times.
Stee:
[1:16:43] The trailer park and I'm going to say, okay, misogyny. It's probably her fault, not Tom. So I'm going for Rosanna's put Tom through living hell.
Tara:
[1:16:55] Okay. Sarah.
Sarah:
[1:16:56] He sort of wants it both ways. He wants to shit on them for being trashy, but then he also really resents. rich talent rich actors pop stars so it is between trailer next door and being herself sympathy yacht is also tempting but i think it's maybe a little too pithy but also that is a very first thought rich people thing oh god this is tough sympathy yacht okay.
Dave:
[1:17:25] Dave cool trailer next store. Mean as fuck.
Tara:
[1:17:29] Dave Roth.
Jeff:
[1:17:30] So mean.
Dave:
[1:17:31] I think it's Drake, so, but...
Roth:
[1:17:34] I like Money Matters more because, It has nothing to do with family matters at all. There's one word that makes it so that you can then whine about how much the Braves are paying Fred McGriff this year to play a kid's game or whatever you would be complaining about in 93. So I'll go with money matters more, please.
Tara:
[1:17:55] All right, Jeff Drake.
Jeff:
[1:17:57] To get to my choice, I had to reread. And I know this probably didn't serve Stephen well last time, but I went to the original. ABC put them through a living hell by making them rich and famous and the network expects to be thanked truly doesn't make sense like that just truly doesn't make sense like the stars are whining and ABC is the one who made them rich and famous and what part of that sets up and the network expects to be thanked none of it so I choose and the network expects to be thanked because it makes no sense to me and.
Tara:
[1:18:33] That's the mullet.
Dave:
[1:18:36] Nice work.
Tara:
[1:18:39] Sing the anthem at the network holiday party with Sarah. Roseanne has put Tom through a living hell by being herself was Drake. Money Matters More, Falk, Trailer Next Door, Rock. Sympathy odd was David T. Cole.
Jeff:
[1:18:56] Good one. Almost picked it.
Tara:
[1:18:58] Here we are at the end of days. Question 16.
Sarah:
[1:19:02] Thank God.
Tara:
[1:19:03] From August 28th, 1992, Julia Child's 80th birthday. That bitch has had it too good for too long. I think we all agree, but his setup is.
Stee:
[1:19:14] Wait, is he going to be mean to 80-year-old Julia Child?
Tara:
[1:19:16] I don't know. Let's see. The setup is, there's only one problem with French food. Number one, it's always on strike. Number two, a half hour after you eat it, you're rude again. Number three, the snooty guy bringing it to the table. number four the dishes are much harder to pronounce than to eat, Number five, it's the only cuisine that comes with a side of disapproval. And number six, after 80 years of eating it, it can really turn you into a butter face.
Dave:
[1:19:48] No, no way. He wouldn't dare.
Sarah:
[1:19:51] Oh, if that's the.
Dave:
[1:19:52] If that, no way. But if it is, holy fuck.
Stee:
[1:19:55] Wow, he hates the French. Or we assume he hates the French.
Tara:
[1:19:58] Sarah D. Bunting, please start us off for the final time.
Sarah:
[1:20:02] No, I shan't. That's a please. I, too, am on strike. Like, okay, you did say please. All of these are both too good and too terrible. I mean, Butterface.
Dave:
[1:20:14] Wow.
Sarah:
[1:20:14] Just for the record, Butter and Face are each capitalized. So that's really pretty out there. Ergo, it's probably the mullein.
Dave:
[1:20:26] It's pronounced Butterfacé.
Sarah:
[1:20:29] Butterfacé. Yeah, I mean, Snooty Guy is compelling. The dishes are too hard to pronounce. I'm a little surprised that we didn't get one about smoking that definitely would have tipped me to the mullin.
Dave:
[1:20:42] Or surrendering.
Sarah:
[1:20:42] Yeah.
Jeff:
[1:20:43] Yeah.
Sarah:
[1:20:44] I think it's that you're rude again, half hour after you eat it, because that's also braiding in this like weird half hour after you eat Chinese food thing.
Dave:
[1:20:55] That's what.
Sarah:
[1:20:55] It's like, yeah, it just seems like the signal got jammed halfway through.
Dave:
[1:21:00] Yeah.
Sarah:
[1:21:01] Oh, the heroin milk is inches away on the table.
Stee:
[1:21:04] Yeah, but it's kind of good. It's kind of funny.
Dave:
[1:21:08] Yeah.
Stee:
[1:21:09] It's maybe like a Johnny Carson level monologue joke.
Tara:
[1:21:13] Funny.
Sarah:
[1:21:13] Yeah. It's like he got the rhythm of it and then filled in blocks from something else that don't really work, which is true of a lot of Mullins. So I'm going with Root again.
Dave:
[1:21:22] Yeah, I discounted it for the exact same reason, but you're kind of making me doubt that. Snooty guy bringing it to the table. Classic, classic disapproval. Same vibe. Yeah. I'm not going to, but the butter face thing is so fucked up. I don't want to throw it in.
Sarah:
[1:21:39] It's really...
Dave:
[1:21:41] Dishes are harder to pronounce than to eat. I feel like that's too much. Oh, fuck it. I'm going to go with Sarah here. Half an hour after you eat it, you're rude again. Had the same thought about Chinese food being a cross signal here, but fuck it. Let's do it.
Sarah:
[1:21:54] Yeah, it doesn't make sense when you think about it, but he didn't, so...
Dave:
[1:21:58] I've talked myself out of other ones that haven't made sense, so I'm going to go out with this one.
Tara:
[1:22:02] All right, Rob.
Roth:
[1:22:03] Good combination of old joke that was never good being given the hastiest possible alterations.
Dave:
[1:22:12] I got to pick my kids up from school.
Sarah:
[1:22:15] Oaf mode.
Jeff:
[1:22:17] I mean, it's so crazy that it's like the headline is Julia Child's 80th birthday.
Tara:
[1:22:24] Yeah.
Jeff:
[1:22:24] And then he goes out of his way to be like, the only problem with French food. It's like, oh, I don't want to talk about Julia Child at all.
Sarah:
[1:22:32] This bitch.
Roth:
[1:22:32] And another thing at all.
Jeff:
[1:22:34] I don't want to talk about her. I heard Julia Child and I thought, yeah, I hate the French too. We're either raining points on one lucky contestant or we're all picking the mullein. I'm going to go with a half hour after you eat it.
Tara:
[1:22:49] All right. Stephen Falk.
Stee:
[1:22:50] Yeah. I mean, the argument for it is it is just 100% hack joke set up. including his part of it. There's only one problem with French food, dot, dot, dot. Oh, I heard that about Chinese food. What can I do with French? What are French people? Rude, done. I'm having a glass of milk. Day's over.
Dave:
[1:23:14] I'll get that milk again.
Stee:
[1:23:15] So I'm going for that one.
Dave:
[1:23:18] Oh.
Tara:
[1:23:19] Well, it's a clean sweep for the Mollins. Yes, nicely done.
Dave:
[1:23:25] What a way to end it.
Sarah:
[1:23:26] A little bit of redemption.
Tara:
[1:23:29] Now we know it takes 16 practice rounds for you to get it.
Roth:
[1:23:34] Nearly two hours of Earth time. Now we're going to play the game for real. Here we go.
Tara:
[1:23:36] Just kidding.
Sarah:
[1:23:37] Okay, great.
Jeff:
[1:23:38] Jesus.
Tara:
[1:23:38] All right, here is what everyone else did. It's Always on Strike was Sarah. The snooty guy bringing it to the table was Roth. The dishes are much harder to pronounce than to eat was Falk. It's the only cuisine that comes with a side of disapproval was David T. Cole.
Sarah:
[1:23:52] And that means Butterface Everyone's favorite Oh my god.
Jeff:
[1:23:59] Not great Bob.
Sarah:
[1:24:00] Do not tell Drake my birthday Please Christ Wow, Jesus Baby Savage Someone get her a sympathy Yeah Jesus Christ.
Stee:
[1:24:17] I'm glad there wasn't.
Sarah:
[1:24:18] A Mr.
Jeff:
[1:24:19] Rogers joke in there It was me as Mullen Yes.
Dave:
[1:24:21] Yes. Of course.
Roth:
[1:24:23] That was made in one of the previous episodes is that this is basically like doing a serial killer profile. You run the risk of whatever happened to William Peterson's character in Manhunter happens to you from trying to do this.
Sarah:
[1:24:36] Yeah, you've looked into the Mullen Abyss. Yeah, that's right.
Stee:
[1:24:39] I can tell you, it's really terrible writing a network sitcom as I was doing on Friday and then also toggling between this. It really fucks you up. It's like playing tennis and pickleball at the same time.
Jeff:
[1:24:52] Yeah.
Sarah:
[1:24:53] Ooh.
Jeff:
[1:24:53] It's you're doing the wrong things.
Dave:
[1:24:55] I think that's going to be the outro clip is like playing tennis and pickleball at the same time. Just marking it here. Dave, listen to this. Look at all these markers I'm making. Okay, go ahead.
Sarah:
[1:25:04] Oh, God.
Jeff:
[1:25:05] In my defense, what I was then apparently saying by calling her a butter face is that Julia Child at 80 has a hot butt. So that's the way it was being said.
Sarah:
[1:25:22] Well, when you explain it like that, that really makes no sense at all. and that could have been the mullein.
Roth:
[1:25:26] I'd like to change my answer.
Jeff:
[1:25:28] I was so, this was like the last one. It was the last one and I could, I literally, I was like, this is all, I first thought was butter face.
Dave:
[1:25:37] Mullein.
Jeff:
[1:25:37] And I was just like, I can't think of anything else.
Roth:
[1:25:40] I did this one last too and it was the same sort of, like I was in milk mode. I was like, French, snooty, boom. Time to make dinner.
Sarah:
[1:25:48] Yeah, I literally was like.
Dave:
[1:25:49] Do we make t-shirts that say milk mode, please?
Roth:
[1:25:51] Milk mode.
Dave:
[1:25:53] I'm serious.
Jeff:
[1:25:54] Milk mode and oaf mode is also pretty good. I love the elf oaf mode.
Tara:
[1:26:01] All right, our scores. First, I have a correction. Unfortunately, at the half, I miscounted. So in fact, it was Sarah with seven, Dave with nine, Roth and Jeff and Steve all were tied with 10. A lot of big changes in the second half. Sarah finished in a respectable last place with 11 points.
Dave:
[1:26:21] Congratulations.
Tara:
[1:26:22] Roth, next up after her with 14.
Roth:
[1:26:25] That must mean I'm normal.
Sarah:
[1:26:27] That is what New Jersey is like.
Tara:
[1:26:30] That's correct. Then we got Jeff Drake with 21.
Dave:
[1:26:33] Wow.
Tara:
[1:26:34] Stephen Falk had 26, but Dave was the biggest gainer finishing. With 28 points.
Dave:
[1:26:41] Oh. I don't care. I love it. I love it when I win Mullen Dash. Love it. This is my second win.
Tara:
[1:26:49] It was 19 points in the second half for David Tinker.
Jeff:
[1:26:52] Wow.
Roth:
[1:26:53] What a run.
Dave:
[1:26:54] Fantastic. Well, guys.
Jeff:
[1:26:56] I did my part to raise you up.
Dave:
[1:26:58] Yes, thank you, Jeff. That is it for another episode of Extra Hot Grape. We tap into the deep, dark recesses of our mullin brains to get into the head of one Jim Mullen, fool our fellow players, and win the day. At the end of it, was it really a winner or just five empty husks of human beings who stared too long into that abyss? Remember!
Sarah:
[1:27:25] We're listening.
Dave:
[1:27:27] I am David T. Cole, and on behalf of Tara Ariano...
Tara:
[1:27:31] I'm going to hire a better writing team.
Dave:
[1:27:33] Sarah D. Bunting.
Sarah:
[1:27:35] And it stinks.
Dave:
[1:27:36] Mr. Jeff Drake.
Jeff:
[1:27:39] I'm just saying 80-year-old Julia Child is a rockin' bun.
Dave:
[1:27:42] Stephen Falk.
Stee:
[1:27:44] I wish Mullen was around to write jokes about K-pop demon hunters.
Dave:
[1:27:49] And David J-Rod.
Roth:
[1:27:50] Did not consent to this abyss gazing back into me.
Dave:
[1:27:54] Thanks for listening. We'll see you next time right here on Extra Hot Great. I have a three-year-old niece who writes funnier stuff than any of these guys. Is she available? All right.
Tara:
[1:28:05] Woo!