Did We Fall For Scam Goddess?

Dave: [0:16] This is the Extra Extra Hot Great Podcast, episode 335 for the January 18th, 2025 weekend. I am discount frozen horse semen David T. Cole, and I'm here with Meadow Muffin Sarah D. Bunting. Sarah: [0:36] Hey. Dave: [0:37] And Ronald Reagan absculptor Tara Ariano. Tara: [0:40] You didn't only eat jelly beans. welcome to extra extra hot great for another weekend thank you so much for your support thank you for anyone else you are supporting possibly through a gift subscription if you are the beneficiary of a gift subscription welcome we love Tara: [1:05] you too we are here to talk about Scam Goddess. In September 2019, actor and comic Lacey Mosley launched Scam Goddess, a true crime podcast about frauds, con artists, and, you know, scams, in which Mosley chats through cases with comedians and other luminaries. Now it has been adapted as a TV show for free form, allowing Mosley to cross from the famously visual medium of podcasting to an actual visual medium. Only one episode has aired so far. It premiered on the 15th of January. We got access to three, but if we talk about those, you can't really get mad at us about spoilers. The con in the series premiere, for example, was arrested in 2012. So, you know, spoilers. Let's grade on a curve here. Let's do the Chen check-in. Sarah, should our listeners watch Scam Goddess? Sarah: [1:55] I'm interested to hear what you guys think, but as a true crime reviewer, no, this is not worthwhile. Tara: [2:01] Dave. Dave: [2:02] This is 10 minutes of scam in a 44 minute bag. Tara: [2:06] Holy shit. Is it ever? Dave: [2:08] It was so patty. Tara: [2:09] It really, really is. Dave: [2:11] Like this should have been, sorry to like. Tara: [2:13] Yeah, no, go ahead. Dave: [2:14] Insert qualifications into the chat and check in here, but this should have been four scams in an hour type of show. It should have been rapid fire scams. This should have been like in search of Ripley's Believe It or Not sort of format from Days of Yore with scams. Because otherwise, no. Like, ladies changed the words on checks and got away with it until somebody noticed. That's the episode. Tara: [2:36] Right. Yes. Sarah: [2:38] Yeah. Tara: [2:38] Okay, well, let's drill down. Because I tried to listen to the first episode of the Scam Goddess podcast because her first guest was Paula Tompkins. but she did not really seem to bring much to the table beyond a reading from Wikipedia energy that I often find in this podcast genre. Sarah, I know you do too. The TV show's under the ABC News banner, so at least presumably it is more rigorously researched. But how do we think she is as an interviewer as opposed to a typical podcast gabber? Because in the intro, she's like, this is my expertise and my passion. It's like, neither of those things is true based on this episode at all, or at least is not in evidence. Sarah, what did you think? Sarah: [3:17] It's hard for me to say. Like the whole comedic, let's read the Wikipedia entry and make jokes deal is just not for me. I think it's a standardized subgenre in true crime at this point. But I also listened to that first episode and reviewed it on The Blotter Presents with Stephanie Early Green. And we were just kind of like, why? Why is this? And also, why is Paul F. Tompkins your first guest when he has not heard of the case? which had its own Netflix documentary about it, which I also talked about on The Blotter Presents. Like, this whole style of case coverage is not for me. I think that she is fine for what it is, but I think she's also not served by the fact that, as Dave noted, it's nine minutes of content in a 40-minute bag. It really dragged. The AV Club had this, like, possibly written by AI, eye-glowing review about how it let her show off her comedic chops and didn't come off as condescending. And I was like, it's neither of those things. Tara: [4:27] No. Sarah: [4:27] It's true. It's extremely condescending to this small town where this happened, birthplace of Ronald Reagan, as they keep coming back to. She crams in a lot of horsey puns, like free reign and she harnessed her powers for evil like okay huh but still this should have been like scam goddess colon Illinois get four or five cases or scams in there there's certainly no shortage but yeah this is just not this is waiting room TV at best. Tara: [5:00] Yeah. And in terms of her as the host, I gather that they're, you know, they're trying to harness the energy of the podcast and bring it to TV. And I understand that. But like, she brings nothing to the table except whenever she does anything that's like noteworthy. It's because it's bad, for example, that you thought this case would be funny is something you can think. It's not something you can say on camera to one of its 16,000 victims. So we're sort of talking around the case. Dave already said a woman changed her names on a check. That's basically what happened in this initial episode. It's about Rita Crundwell, who over a course of decades embezzled close to $54 million from the town of Dixon, Illinois, population 16,000. So, I mean, I guess that's why it took that long to even amass that much money and spent it on horses, hence the horse puns. She, at some point or over that period, owned 402 horses. That also wasn't clear. Like, did she have 402 horses at a time? Because I feel like that would probably take up a lot of your energy. Dave: [6:09] Oh. Sarah: [6:10] Yeah. I mean, and she also spent it on like gaudy QVC diamonds and gifts that didn't fit the recipient. And there are a couple of moments in here when she's talking to like the whistleblower town manager lady who had to like be undercover for six months and track all this stuff in these accounts that weren't supposed to exist. She is still like quite emotional about it. And there were some good moments in those interviews. I think if Lacey Mosley were just talking with people involved in the case, that might be more interesting. But this morning show, cutesy structure that it's within does not serve anyone particularly well. And even though this scam is extremely straightforward... She just made a new account and put town funds in it and spent it on herself. Tara: [7:03] Yes. Sarah: [7:04] Not that difficult. Tara: [7:05] No. Sarah: [7:05] But they still do a shitty job explaining it. Tara: [7:08] Yes, they do. Yes. Sarah: [7:09] Have a process producer, please. Tara: [7:12] Yes. Sarah: [7:12] I am not volunteering, even though I was horse girl. Tara: [7:15] I mean, I get the appeal of doing a show about crime, like a true crime show where no one died and they didn't. We get some indications about the effects of her embezzling, like, well, they were closing the pools and people would retire in the office and not get replaced because there wasn't budget for it. And city trucks had holes in the floors and weren't getting replaced. There's also not enough of that, in my opinion. Like, $53 million is a lot of money, especially for a small town. Like, what were the actual effects? That part gets glossed over. the Lisa Frank video treatments on this whole thing is like I know this is freeform and like presumably so you're you think your audience is 14 year olds but like 14 year olds don't care about this either like if you're doing a crime story there's a certain level of respectfulness that I think you have to bring and this doesn't yeah agree I'll also say the third episode's about a scam at a megachurch which sight unseen I probably would have made episode one that one is a lot easier, I think, to be both funny and rude about, probably. But yeah, this show's not good. Sarah: [8:24] Yeah. I mean, right up top, they're interviewing some people at the little stitch and bitch thing at the cafe. And these old ladies are like, it's a classy place. And then there's immediately a cut to this big fiberglass chicken. And I'm like, this is just... Talk about AI. like who who's on the assembly here siri because it's just not it's not worth your time it's just not and. Tara: [8:51] If sarah's saying that you can take it to the bank. Dave: [9:01] I'll tell you what's not a scam. Tara: [9:03] Yeah. Dave: [9:04] The quality of this theme to a little segment we, of course, call Ask E-H-G. We'll be right back. All right. We have no judgments to deal with right now because we did all that last week. So let's get into your questions and normalize the process. Dr. Calhoun is first. He asks, how was your time off? We had a whole month off and now we're back. Tara, how was your month off? Tara: [9:39] It was actually more than a month. It was five and a half weeks. The very first of those five and a half weeks. I'm just saying it was extra nice. That's all. It was better than a month. Dave: [9:52] Move. Tara: [9:54] I was going to say, you know, we initially took turns. Dave: [9:58] It was lovely spending time with each other. Tara: [9:59] We initially took turns having E. coli or something, and I wasn't going to say, I hope you get it again. Then Dave injured his back. He still is not better. If you hear him yelping or sighing or gasping, that's what that's about. Other than that, it was good. I had a detailed plan to winter clean the house room by room. We did it all, including the garage. Sarah: [10:21] Wow. Tara: [10:22] Although we do have stuff that needs to go to Goodwill and the appliance recycling dump. I got through most of my bigger magazine pile to everyone who was wondering, and I watched tons of TV and movies. Stayed home. It was lazy. It was great for me. Sarah. Sarah: [10:39] It was good, but as usual, I was way too ambitious about doing all the projects around the house that I wanted to do, and all the napping I wanted to do, and all the knitting I frantically had to do before the morning of December 25th. Dave: [10:57] Oh. Sarah: [10:57] So I was obliged to prioritize napping. Dave: [11:01] Before you revealed that it was a Christmas deadline, it sort of sounded like you got messed up with the knitting mob and you had a quota you had to fill. It was a socks, lady. Tara: [11:12] Or your yarn was going to expire. Sarah: [11:14] Yeah, exactly. Or poof. Now it's spaghetti. But I did prioritize napping because I am a professional. As a result, the basement is still the very definition of a shambles, which given that that's also the bookshop inventory, quote, warehouse, that's not great. But shrug emoji, it's a basement and I need to sleep during the day. So that's what happened. On balance, like very strong A minus. Dave: [11:43] Dave? Well, as Tara said, I started the holidays with a good four solid days of mega diarrhea featuring TM Sarah debunting super bomb. So that was fun. Like, I've never been so sick, like nonstop for that long before. It was unbelievable. Tara: [12:02] Yeah, we went to urgent care. Dave: [12:03] Yeah. To quote Professor Farnworth, I'm lucky I have any bones left. Like, I don't know how there's any of me left. I was so betoileted for four days. It's like the Dave of Theseus. We're not sure how much is new Dave and how much is old pre-diarrhea Dave at this point. And then I ended that holiday with this back spasm thing that's still going on. That's closing in on a month now. So in between those two terrible things, great. All right. Sarah: [12:36] The four hours that you got off. Dave: [12:39] Yeah. Sarah: [12:39] Thanks. Dave: [12:40] N-E-S. Excite Mike. Like, what are you already exhausted by in 2025? We're 16 days in. Fuck this shit. Sarah. Sarah: [12:48] Yeah, social media scolds on the putative left, clutching their pearls about how XYZ issue is, quote, just happening, and I guess nobody cares. Like, I understand that there's a lot going on, and 98% of it is crap. But, like, stop hydroplaning into your own overwhelm. Leave me alone. I'm doing what I can do. Occasionally, I'm reading a book that has nothing to do with anything. Fuck off I can't care about everything There's no time Dave. Dave: [13:15] Yeah. So back pain and then piling on on yours, trying to care about anything in the larger world. Suddenly I don't. Just shut off. Iron curtain slam. What's going on? I don't know. I just hope there's enough air in this room to last me the next four years. Tara? Tara: [13:29] Yeah, that. Basically, I got my haircut yesterday and my stylist and I spent basically two hours talking about how much we hoped Donald Trump would die. That. I'm just sick of the circus. And yeah, the social media scolds are so, I mean, as I said in an earlier episode, like you don't get a prize for being the most mad person on Blue Sky. Sarah: [13:53] Yeah. I have anxiety disorder. This shit is not a contest. That can be won. Trust me. Don't. Just think about something else. Tara: [14:04] Yes. Dave: [14:05] Kara, which holiday chocolates are the ones you most treasure? So we're dealing with a lot of holiday era questions. But, you know, holiday trees are an important topic and we can discuss it outside the strict holiday corridor. So I'm going to say there's only one answer for me, and that is Turtles. That's it. Anything mint non-starter and anything that's an assortment, you know, like pot of gold or I don't know what the American equivalents are, but the ones where you get like the pilgrim hat next to the this and that. There's always like really good ones in there that are better than what you would get at the store. But then there's all those ones that you don't like because, for instance, they got liquor in them or something like that for me. When it comes to me putting my holiday treat dollar down, it's going to be turtles because they're all one thing and I know I like it. Tara: [14:52] Yeah. Dave, guess what? Same answer. It will always be turtles for me. When I was a kid, I sincerely believed you couldn't get them except at Christmas time. I may have been told this by a parent so that they would be extra special. And the holiday season would always start with we would go to my grandma's house and have a Christmas tree decorating party. And that's when the turtles would get busted out. And it was like, okay, now it really is the holidays. So even though you can get them year round, including like at the, they have the little three packs at the grocery store aisle. And sometimes I get them, but they're, they're still a holiday treat for me. And the years that I had braces and couldn't eat them because of the caramel were the worst years of my life. Sarah: [15:34] Awful. Dave: [15:35] Here in Texas, they have armadillos, which are turtles minus walnuts with pecan. Right. Which are pretty good, but I actually enjoy turtles more. Tara: [15:43] I do too. They also have millionaires, which are pretty good. Especially the mega millionaire. Dave: [15:47] Well, millionaires are the Parma Dill. It's the same thing. Tara: [15:49] Yeah. Okay. Sarah. Sarah: [15:51] I'm more of a holiday baked goods guy. Honestly, like holiday chocolates are not necessarily a thing that I focus on. But those Toblerone oranges that you slammed on the ground, you know, dinner and a show. Love it. Dave: [16:09] Always a wild time at bunting HQ. Sarah: [16:11] I mean, yeah. Tara: [16:13] I'll add that for a couple of people on my list, including Sarah D. Bunting, I tried out a new confectionery company this year called Millican Pecan Limited or something. And apparently they were good, Sarah said. But they also came with a little card that had a Bible verse on it. And Omar got those as well. And you got a different Bible verse. I was like, I didn't know this was their agenda. And Omar's like, I will convert to get more of those. Dave: [16:41] What if your diet was strictly based on companies that put Bible verses on things? You'd have In-N-Out for lunch, and then the snack, you have this. But it has to be Bible-first forward diet. Tara: [16:53] Right. It's those two things, and then all you can drink is Kelsey Grammer's Faith Beer. Dave: [16:58] That's right. Sarah: [16:59] And you have to use Dr. Bronner's products to clean up. Dave: [17:04] Yeah. Sarah: [17:06] All one. All one. Dave: [17:07] That's a transitional product. I'm not quite sure that's strictly Christian. This just might be mad, man. Tara: [17:14] Theosophist. Dave: [17:15] Two more things on the snack train. One on the chocolate bit. There has been, through our house in the holidays, some of those assortments. In each of them, there is their take on the peanut butter cup. Tara: [17:25] Yeah. Dave: [17:26] And no matter how fancy your chocolatiering setup is, there is no better peanut butter cup out there than Reese's peanut butter cup. Tara: [17:33] It's really true. Dave: [17:33] It's whatever magic they put into their sandy peanut butter. Maybe it's sand. Maybe it's just as simple as they put sand in there. Cubs. Nobody else has made something better. They've made something more expensive. They've made something with, quote, better ingredients. But in my mouth, I always like, well, this is OK, but it's no Reese. Tara: [17:52] Yeah. This is the real problem with capitalism. Here we go. Is that some recipes have been perfected in the early 20th century. Same thing with Heinz ketchup. We never need anyone else to make any ketchup. It's Heinz ketchup or no ketchup, in my opinion. This idea of constant growth, we don't need it. Just get to your level and stay there. It's fine. Sarah: [18:14] There is something about the savory-sweet balance, which I guess is sort of like umami adjacent with peanut butter, that you also, it's like a similar debate when it comes to the tomato sauce on pizza and how sweet it should be. Reese's has that balance between the sweetness of the pretty cheap Jack chocolate, let's face it, and the gritty peanut butter, which is just, it's like on that savory side. and has that, like, not meaty, but you know what I mean? Like, it's nutty instead of sweet. So all the other ones are too sweet. Dave: [18:49] Also has a unique mouthfeel. Like, I don't get that sensation from any other cup. The only real debate, I think, within this is within the Reese Corridor, what form factor, I know we've talked about this before in the podcast, so we don't have to debate it now, but what form factor is your preference? Do you want more with more peanut butter, like the trees, pumpkin kind of stuff, or do you like the thin ones because you're, like, dainty and dumb, I guess? Sarah: [19:11] Yeah, didn't we talk about this like a couple years ago? And I think we all sort of... Dave: [19:14] I think this segment was like two hours long. Sarah: [19:17] The teeny ones? Dave: [19:19] The miniatures? Sarah: [19:20] Because it was the best ratio? Dave: [19:21] Yeah, I think everybody was gravitating towards those. But I would take a miniature or I would take a large novelty holiday Reese. Those are usually pretty good. Tara: [19:29] I mean, don't sleep on the big cup either. Because a big cup with the mini Reese's Pieces in it, that's the business. Dave: [19:36] Yeah, I like your big cups. Well, one last thing. when you offer them to me at the grocery store. We're not talking about chocolate still. Still not talking about chocolate. The only thing I think about this is not chocolate-based treats, but Dan Casino for Christmas sent us this bag of Swedish, like, sour candies. All different. If you can imagine sort of like the variety of shapes you get in a licorice, all sorts, except they're not licorice. They're all gummy and they're all coated in a little sugar. They were so good. Tara: [20:07] They did not make it anywhere We're close to Christmas. We ate them so fast. Dave: [20:11] So good. Yeah. Tara: [20:13] Thank you, Dan. Dave: [20:13] We'll try to dig up the company name, put it in the show notes. Okay, let's move on. Evil Dolphin. Which TV character really needs to make a New Year's resolution? And what should it be? Tara. Tara: [20:24] Mary Richards needs to go into therapy and work out her issues with Lou Grant because their relationship is not 100% healthy. I will say, though, I know we keep bringing it up because we are currently watching it, but we're alternating that with like our last thing before bed show right now is 30 Rock. And the debt that 30 Rock owes to the Mary Tyler Moore show for the way they draw the relationship between Liz and Jack. I'm sure I'm the five trillionth person to notice that, but I hadn't watched the Mary Tyler Moore show before, so it wasn't as visceral to me then as it is now. Two good shows. Dave: [21:00] Yeah, Mary Tyler Moore like sits on the wall between modernity and the past. And a lot of the stuff you're like, oh, wow, I'm surprised they actually did that. You know, they're talking about gay people. That's weird. Tara: [21:12] They're talking about pay equity. Dave: [21:13] Yeah, and then on the other side, it's just like Mary Richards just cannot get a foot in the 20th century sometimes. Tara: [21:21] It's true. It's weird. She's been working for this guy for seven years and is still calling him Mr. Grant. Anyway, Dave. Dave: [21:28] All right. New Year's resolution should be the ghoul from Fallout as played by Walton Goggins. He should resolve to have a new nose hole covering each month in the year. So like January, clown nose. Tara: [21:41] Yeah. Dave: [21:42] February, the gold nose from Pennyworth, the villain from Pennyworth had that really cool gold nose. March, Groucho mass sort of set up. I think it would help them socially. Yeah. Because people know in the universe that ghouls exist because of reasons. I forgot why, but whatever. They got some special army juice or something like that. Tara: [22:02] Sure. Dave: [22:03] It would help them socially because it's really hard to have a conversation with somebody where you can see inside of their nasal cavity. That's not just not fun to look at. But also, I think just less bugs in his brain now. You've got a giant hole in the front of your face that you can't close. And there's going to be mosquitoes, gnats, flies, spiders at night. Sarah: [22:24] Trying to eat a powdered donut. Disaster. Dave: [22:28] Yeah. Trying to drink out of a garden hose. Tara: [22:30] I got a couple more from TV. He can get the prosthetic that old Sifnos had from the Nick. Remember that? Dave: [22:37] Oh, yeah. Mm-hmm. Tara: [22:39] The half a mask from Semipro from Boardwalk Empire, the guy who got half his headshot. Sarah: [22:45] Richard Harrow. That's right. Tara: [22:46] Yes, Richard Harrow. Dave: [22:46] Right, yeah. I feel like he would also look really good. This is not necessarily just the nose, but he really looked good in a Plague Doctor snout, you know, from the Plague Times. Tara: [22:56] Who wouldn't? Dave: [22:57] Yeah, who wouldn't? All right, Sarah, who is your resolution character? Sarah: [23:00] Commander Ed Baldwin of The Space Show needs to resolve to retire from NASA, effective immediately, take an air conditioner shuttle back to Earth, and live out the rest of his souls, smoking pot, not wearing dollar store wigs, and not making Ferdinand the bullfaces when dumb girls have the temerity to contradict him. Dave: [23:22] Good one. And with an E, what shows should follow Severance's lead and have a pop-up with the actual actors in character acting out scenes in Grand Central Station, which is a bit that Apple set up. You go to Grand Central Station and there's characters in their little Severance cubicles doing Severance things with their Severance friends. So, Sarah, what is your Grand Central Station setup? Sarah: [23:44] Well, they just recycle the cubes from Severance, but they just throw like a bunch of garbage and papers on the ground. And now it's Slough House from Slough Horses. And you have like two levels. Like on the ground, you've got Ho and his whole monitor tech bank thing. And you can use it to charge your phone or look stuff up if you want. And then there's like a little dais with a couch and a bottle of booze on it. And you can just take a load off and have a cocktail. Dave: [24:10] Except they pump in farts, fart smells. Sarah: [24:13] Oh, yeah. So many farts. Tara: [24:16] I want to see this from the pit. And I want them to be redoing the foot scene as commuters walk by. Sarah: [24:25] Savage. Tara: [24:27] Dave. Dave: [24:28] Battlestar Galactica's 33 episode, the first of the series. It's a built-in loop. Every 33 minutes they jump. But you get all the suspense and action and very tight little loop there to watch at Grand Social Station. So that's the one where they have to jump every 33 minutes because the Cylon is right behind them. Great episode. And that would be a fun thing to watch. Millsnack, whose face, I don't understand this. This is probably something from a social media universe I do not participate in. Whose face are you sticking to your water bottle to get you to drink more water? Explain that if you can before I answer. Tara: [25:03] You know, when we record Listen to Sassy, our sister podcast with Pam, and she's got one of those huge water bottles that you have to like hold with two hands. Dave: [25:10] Yeah. Tara: [25:11] Pam, we love you. Dave: [25:12] Yeah. Tara: [25:12] Glad you're staying safe. Dave: [25:13] Any bigger, she would have to have like a walker for the water bottle. But yes, proceed. Tara: [25:17] Yes. I mean, I don't think it's a social media thing necessarily or a meme, but just like water bottle people. And yes, I'm going to call you that. You know, maybe to distinguish theirs from other people's. They just put stickers on it. Dave: [25:31] Oh, okay. I thought it was like The Simpsons, you're doing it for her stupidness, you know, where it's like, I'm drinking more water for you so I could be moist. Tara: [25:40] No, although I did recently Natalie Walker, who is a wonderful actress and very funny person, had a thing on Instagram where she ordered a custom water bottle where each line, like each, you know, volume line had a different line from the speech at the end of Phantom Thread where it's like, I want you on your back. Helpless, blah, blah, just did that for herself. Sarah: [26:07] Okay. Tara: [26:07] That's really funny. Dave: [26:09] All right. Tara: [26:09] Anyway. So what's your answer. Dave: [26:11] Dave? So I didn't really understand. I didn't understand that we were just putting stickers to distinguish yours. And I thought it was supposed to be motivational. Tara: [26:18] Well, I mean, I think that would be potentially part of it. Dave: [26:21] That's what I wrote down. So that's going to be my thinking. Tara: [26:23] Sure, yeah, yeah. Dave: [26:23] So I'm going to choose the guy who chose poorly at the end of Indiana Jones in The Last Crusade. You know where he goes, oh, and he turns into like dust. So just before he disintegrates, when he's as most dustiest, is a big picture of him in the water bottle to remind me to drink more water. So I'm not dusty and old like him. Sarah? Sarah: [26:41] Yeah, I'm not a water bottle person either. It just seems like a lot of maintenance, just a glass with ice. Also, I never go anywhere, so I don't really need to convey it anywhere. Dave: [26:52] Yeah, but if you're going somewhere and you have to choose a size of bottle that is carryable without undue strain, it's also probably not going to last you the whole day if you're a water drinker and you have to refill it. But then they also have to carry it around. So there's this whole like ROI debate, which I'm always on the side of, I'll just buy something when I'm out if I'm really thirsty. Sarah: [27:14] Yeah, same. Or like throw one fruity water in my bag to start and then buy another one to come home. Anyway, no one cares about my hydration process. But if I did have a water bottle and I were going to put a sticker on it, I would get one of Sarah from Brothers and Sisters from that one episode where they all went to the desert and got in a fight while drunk. I know that doesn't narrow it down that much, but it's from the first season. And the next day was so sunny. And Rachel Griffiths had a pair of sunglasses on and then was trying to put another pair on and was just very thirsty. And I just feel like that would remind me like, oh, yeah, don't let it get to that point. Drink some water. In fact, I might make that sticker and just put it on a drinking glass. Why not? Tara? Tara: [28:01] Yeah, I also am mostly at home. And when I drink water, I use a glass. I probably would put, if I were a water bottle person, a sticker of my own face because drinking a lot of water is my only, literally my only healthy habit. But then I remembered the episode of Better Call Saul where he is trying to cross the desert and gets real dried out. So it might be that where he's got the silver blanket as a head covering. I don't remember all the details, but spoiler, we might be talking about that in a couple of weeks. Dave: [28:35] So what you're saying is you're going to drink your own piss. Tara: [28:37] Yeah. Dave: [28:38] OK. Leslie has our next question. Oh, no, you've been injured in an accident. What happened? Which fresh medical face are you seeking attention from? Tara: [28:48] Right after my injury, I'm going to book a cruise to leave immediately so I can go to Dr. Max Banks of Dr. Odyssey, because from what I understand, doing that is cheaper than taking an ambulance to a hospital. Sarah? Sarah: [29:01] Well, I still think Noah Wiley is foxy, and Mel seems like a comforting owlish presence who would not judge me for, say, stepping on my own hand while trying to pick up a nickel, breaking two fingers, and then falling over and getting sidewalk rash afterwards. She'd just think it was unique and mysterious. Dave: [29:19] All right, before I say mine, I want to say a revelation I had about the pit, which is, if you're not watching it, this is a probably inconsequential spoiler, but there's a dude, I think in the second episode of The Pit, that asks everybody who passes him for a sandwich. And only like 48 hours after watching it did I realize the sandwich guy's name was Earl. So he's the Earl sandwich. And I was really mad at myself after I figured that out. Sarah: [29:43] That was an excellent revelation that led me to realize after having counted Diner as one of my favorite movies for since like the late 80s, there's that guy who eats the entire left side of the menu and the Maryland fried chicken. Like it's 14 club sandwiches. He eats them all in one sitting and then he gets into his very teeny car afterwards. That guy's name is also Earl. His only function in the movie is to eat 14 club sandwiches and fries and the Maryland fried chicken. His name is Earl. Let's hear it for the Earl. I never put that together. Thank you, Dave. Dave: [30:21] Maybe the pit people are big diner fans. So my answer to the medical question that was five minutes ago. In reality, I'd limp home because there's 90% chance they're out of network because they always are. So I'd probably just grin and bear it. Ellen, cast your vote. Which streaming service will fold first, Paramount Plus or Peacock? Sarah, what do you think? Sarah: [30:41] Oh, this is a great question. I can't wait to hear what my fellow panelists have to say. I was kind of hoping I would be last on this one. My personal preference among these networks is Peacock. I would miss Paramount Plus way less. Don't think I even actively subscribe to it at the moment. But I also think that if the CW is the canary in this particular coal mine, that bird is dead. I think Peacock's parent and sister brands in the sector seem better positioned to support it. They got some Olympics lift from their coverage last summer. My predictions in this regard are almost always exactly wrong. I was the one who, on the record in an interview, was like, a video iPad? No one's going to buy that bullshit. And now we're all ruled by our iPhone, so I don't know anything. But yeah, Peacock is my guess. Dave: [31:33] Bread in a can. It'll never work, Pillsbury. Sarah: [31:37] Yeah, I mean, really. Dave? Your thoughts? Dave: [31:40] Yeah. Peacock is the weaker organization of the two. I think it's got, you know, less wood behind his arrow corporately. But I think Paramount Plus and Paramount, they always seem to be like rumored for sale. Tara: [31:53] That's been happening like all last year. Dave: [31:55] Like structurally, Peacock has a better chance of dying first. And they're just like, that's it. And they're just like, poof. But if you say like, let's say 18 months from now, is there something you could subscribe to that has the name Peacock? versus is there something you subscribe to that has the name Paramount Plus, I would put my money on Paramount Plus dying first in that regard. But I think, you know what I mean? Like as a name, I would see Paramount Plus going somewhere else. But as a business division, I would say Peacock would probably die first. Tara: [32:28] Yeah, I guess. I mean, it's hard to say they're both like such old companies. I mean, Paramount is a movie company, but also Viacom and CBS as well. I mean, I, you know, my short answer is Paramount Plus because of all that sale stuff that we mentioned. I barely understand it. I do not care about it. I think what will probably happen is that it will merge with another entity. Like, I don't know that we need an MGM Plus and a Paramount Plus. You know what I mean? And Amazon owns MGM. But even so, I think if that happened, it would be like, okay, well, Paramount Plus, as we know it, doesn't exactly exist anymore. But of those two, it has probably more brand recognition than MGM Plus. I remember when Challengers started streaming there. That was the first place you could see it. People on Twitter were like, you might as well project it on the moon for all I know that that thing is. Sarah: [33:23] Yeah. Tara: [33:24] So. Dave: [33:25] Wild card would be if that guy who makes all the shows for Paramount Plus dies. Tara: [33:29] Taylor Sheridan. Dave: [33:30] Yeah. If he like falls down a well or something like that on his giant farm in Texas. Tara: [33:35] Gets trampled by a bull. Dave: [33:36] Gets trampled by a bull. Who knows? You know, he gets landmanned by the land, whatever. Then that would shake it up. Because I think 26% of the programming on Paramount. Dave: [33:45] Plus comes from that one guy. Tara: [33:47] Mm-hmm. Sarah: [33:48] Mm-hmm. Dave: [33:48] All right. Last question from us comes from SquidEye, a.k.a. Elon. Dear ESG, I think I was sick the week Bob Newhart came to town. Can you explain why we need to get in the basement? Tara: [34:00] I don't remember the context of this either. Dave: [34:02] Oh, no? Sarah: [34:02] I don't either. Dave: [34:03] All right. Well, here is what we're talking about. Holy shit! What? Get to the basement, kids! Bob Newhart's here! Tara: [34:15] Well, we know that. That's the clip you keep playing. Dave: [34:18] I know, but I'm saying that's what he's referencing to. Tara: [34:20] Yeah, yeah. Oh, okay. Sorry. Dave: [34:21] See, what I do, Tara, is I explain what we're talking about, and then I explain the why of it. Tara: [34:26] I'm saying I thought you were going to play the clip with what led up to that. Dave: [34:29] I know. I'm going to explain it. Tara: [34:31] Okay. Dave: [34:33] Queen of the harpies. So Bob Newhart's theme, like the theme they use at the end as a tag to the episode, you know, was sort of like a derivative of the main theme. And it was just sort of like your typical jingly jangly stuff for a while until somewhere like in halfway through the run, they decided to really go balls out version of it. And it's very jarring. You don't really expect it because you weren't trained that way for the first few seasons. But also it's never really like a joke that warrants that sort of crazy theme. So that's what that clip that you heard is us being scared by the end theme. Then we have to run to the basement because Bob Newhart's here. So that is the origin of that. All right, let's get to your question. This is the Ask Ask ESG question. You must answer it, dear listeners. Go to our Discord. There is a channel called Ask Ask ESG where you plop your answers to the following question from Grizzly Claire. You have been tasked with declaring an eighth sin. What are you adding to the list? So go to Discord Ask Ask ESG channel. Put your answers there. We'll be back next week with a winner. Dave: [35:47] It is time for the Tiny Cannon. Presenting this week is Sarah D. Bunting. Sarah: [35:52] Yes, indeed. I am presenting in the Department of Line Readings. This comes from Mad Men Season 6, Episode 13, In Care Of. I don't think I realize that this legendary utterance occurred so late in Mad Men's run, But it's not until the sixth season finale that it ensured Pete Campbell's immortality. I just realized that I wrote immorality in my notes. And I mean, kind of. There is. Get in the basement, kids. Pete Campbell's on the porch. Dave: [36:23] Pete Campbell. Sarah: [36:24] There is a lot of other stuff going on in this episode. Don Draper continuing to spiral into alcohol misuse. his daughter Sally paralleling that spiral after having walked in on him and his also-married neighbor, capital D, doing it a couple of episodes prior to this. Peggy is letting herself believe that Ted Chagaga is actually going to leave his wife after they bone. But the pertinent subplot is this. The hilariously off-putting Pete's mother, who has dementia, is, she thinks, in a romantic relationship with her much younger caretaker, Manolo. The man who recommended Manolo, Bob Benson, James Wolk, assured Pete that Manolo is gay, then tried hitting on Pete during that conversation, which didn't go especially well. And the next thing Pete hears about his mom and Manolo is in a telegram from a cruise line informing him that his mother was, quote, lost at sea. Prior to straight falling off the ship, Pete's mother appears to have married Manolo, information Pete gets moments before his secretary tells him that, on top of everything else, he is late for his flight to Detroit, where he and Bob have a meeting with the Chevrolet Brass. Pete grabs his shit and stalks officiously, as he does everything, to the elevator, where he finds not just Bob, but eternal life as a meme. Clip one. Hold that? Dave: [37:51] How are you? Not great, Bob. Sarah: [37:57] Just, I mean, the rest of Pete's update on the Momolo situation is also well-written and Carthizer's delivery remains flawless. how he gets what's left of the character's hair to bristle in this scene is a holy mystery not ours to know but not great bob is all anyone remembers it lived on as a sound drop in my veronica mars podcast with john ramos and john and i would substitute rob thomas that shows creator for bob when we felt a scene or plot sucked the line has been hacked for every possible name and rhyme and repurpose 10,000 other different ways by online wags, and it, cockroaches, Twinkies, and Cher will outlive us all as they should. That is why Not Great Bob belongs in the Extra Extra Hot Great Tiny Cannon Line Readings Division. Tara: [38:49] Thank you, Sarah. This really is a rich text of an episode. When you scrub through it to just watch the Pete story, which is what I did yesterday, what happens after the not great Bob is also great. Bob entraps Pete into, like, trying to show off as a, you know, man's man at Chevrolet by telling him, like, you know, get in this Camaro that's parked in the lobby of the building and take a drive, knowing that Pete is from New York and doesn't know how to drive. And he immediately shoots it backwards into a big display, which like shatters. I was like, we'll pay for that. The Chevrolet guy's like, you can't drive a stick and is disgusted. So whatever was going to happen at Chevrolet, that's over. Hilarious. And then he hooks back up with his brother Bud in New York and they get on the speaker together with the PI they have investigating their mother's case. Of course, no one has found her. She is lost at sea. And then he's like, well, keep on this, you know, whatever it takes. And like, whoa, whoa, what would that cost? Like start nickel and diming him and ended on she's in the water with father. Because as you recall, Pete's dad died in a plane crash earlier in the run of the show. And then Pete just goes, she loved the sea. This is it's true. Dave is right. Like Pete is one of the greatest characters on that show. So undersung. Sarah: [40:16] Yeah. Tara: [40:17] So in other words, it's a funny line in the context of the whole story, but even isolated on its own, like his line reading, it's so good. Like just the tone. I could hear it a thousand times and hear something different in it each time. It's brilliant. Sarah: [40:32] Great choice. Tara: [40:33] Dave. Dave: [40:34] Yes, I am a Pete Campbell fan. I always thought he was the best part of Mad Men. He is so deliciously and inertly evil. You know, like there's something about him that he came out of the womb looking like he does the first time you see him in Mad Men. I just can't really envision him as a kid acting any differently. Like, you could have a Pete Campbell prequel series set at grade school, and you could have the same actor playing that character, like, 10-15 in it, and I would be like, oh my God, sign me up. Sarah: [41:05] Oh my God, I would watch 19 seasons of that. Dave: [41:09] And this line reading, I mean, it's a slam dunk. It's early days in the Tiny Canon, so we have a lot of opportunities for, you know, those slam dunk, duh, of course. People were talking on the Discord, like, wait a minute, Isaac and Ishmael wasn't already in the Nonac? Isn't that like the post? Like, we had this conversation directly after we stopped recording. We're like, why isn't this already in the Nonac? Like, this is the poster child for the Nonac. So we were all thinking the same thing. So early days for the tiny canon. And you get to put these mega awesome, mega important little things up into the canon. And this is definitely chief among them for line readings, absolutely. Sarah: [41:51] There's also the fact that you have to sort of tease out moments that are canonical or canon-worthy from episodes that have not or not yet been deemed so. Tara: [42:02] Right. Sarah: [42:03] So, yeah, I mean, that's sometimes a challenge to be like, oh, well, this is a great line reading, but this episode is already in, or this moment is already in, or that's why this whole episode is in the canon. And this was actually a replacement for a previous selection. So, yeah, it can be a little challenging, especially in a show as sort of picked over explication-wise as Mad Men was. But that's also why the Tiny Cannon needs for us to curate it, is so that these moments don't get lost if the greater episode doesn't get it. Dave: [42:38] And Tara's totally right. There is something about the way he delivers the line from how quickly he retorts to the, of Bob, you know, as he's saying it, there's a lot going on there just vocally. So yeah, absolutely great choice. Let's put this to the official vote. Tara, is this tiny line reading canon worthy? Tara: [42:57] Well, I mean, you already said it, but truly like between this and Isaac and Ishmael, Sarah has brought us to truly undeniable banners this week. So yes, of course. Dave: [43:07] And I'll vote yes, too. So. Not great, Bob. From Mad Men, you hereby inducted into the extra hot, great, tiny line reading canon. Dave: [43:23] Americans love a winner. Yeah. And will not tolerate a loser. Nope. All right. It's time to discuss who is not quite the winner and not quite the loser of the week. Our first not quite winner is Saturday Night Live. It is the latest IP to gain an immersive experience where you go in live and they will announce you as you come onto the stage to do your monologue and you get to take pictures and you get to go through 50 years of skit history at 30 Rock. I think it's at 30 Rock itself. Yes. Would you do this? Tara: [43:58] I wouldn't. Dave: [43:59] I would be terrified. Tara: [44:00] I wouldn't. And it's free. I still wouldn't. Sarah: [44:04] No. Dave: [44:05] Loser. The memory of Matthew Perry is Brooke Shields tells of you he would jokingly look up girl skirts on the set of Friends. This is like a double loser because, like, first of all, the guy's dead. Tara: [44:19] I don't know. Dave: [44:19] Maybe just keep it to yourself. Like, not cool, Matthew Perry, but also there's a time and a place. And that time and place was before he died. Also, So Brooke Shields, famous, like, the industry fucked me over and I'm all screwed up because of the industry. Tara: [44:33] Yeah. Dave: [44:34] Just letting this one fly on the view. I guess she got hers and fuck everybody else now. Tara: [44:38] Yeah. Sarah: [44:39] She is, like, the brand ambassador for oversharing. Tara: [44:43] Oh, yeah. Well, there was a vaginal rejuvenation story last week, too, that I spared Dave from putting in the doc. There's things Dave doesn't need to know. But I'll also add, and this is why you don't let your magazines pile up, because one of the stories that I read while we were on our break was the last profile that they did with Matthew Perry and GQ. And it was around the time that his memoir came out. And naturally, because that's what the memoir was about most of it, the interview was, you know, the details of his addiction issues and how many times he had been in rehab and how many times he thought he was going to die and the times he hoped maybe he would die. And like the last line of the interview, basically, is the interview being like, OK, well, take care of yourself. Don't die. Basically, in the last line is Matthew Barry saying, I won't. And boy, did that hit different in December 2024 than it did in whenever it came out. So R.I.P. And not cool, Brooke Shields. And not cool him, but like seriously, like Dave said, he's dead. Let him rest. Dave: [45:46] Does Brooke Shields have a parcel of vagina? Is that what we're talking about? Because this is something I learned on Discord, because somebody is posting the origin of colors. Tara: [45:54] Right. Dave: [45:55] Porcelain is a color derived from the study of pig's vaginas. Tara: [45:59] I can't answer that, and I won't. Dave: [46:01] All right. Well, if you know Brooke Shields and you know what is up with her vagina, let us know. We're available on social media. Sarah, what do you got? Winner. Sarah: [46:10] I mean, not quite loser of the week is me having to segue. way. From Brooke Shields' wonderfulness to my not-quite-winner, the Lockerbie bombing as a topic, Peacock's version of the story premiered as we're recording this last week, end of last week, I believe. That's the one starring Colin Firth. And CNN is now planning an original series about it, I guess, based on the success of Peacock's. And then Peacock also beat Investigation discovery to market on another major case, namely Sean Colm's. I haven't watched either of these P, Cockeries? Yes, Dave? Dave: [46:51] Speaking of things that were in better shape 30 years ago... Tara: [46:55] Whoa! Dave: [46:57] That's your transition. Tara: [46:58] Oh my god. Dave? Sarah: [46:59] No, no it isn't. That's yours. You're owning every jot and tittle of that. Okay. Not quite loser. Tara: [47:11] Yeah, if you hurt your back laughing too hard at your own joke, that's what you get. That's what you fucking get. Dave: [47:18] After we're done, And they're going to say, that was a good one, Dave. I was just too embarrassed to say it. Here's some money. Tara: [47:26] Anyway. Sarah: [47:27] Okay. So, not quite loser of the week is logic and how time works. Because a deadline interview seems to confirm that many of the For All Mankind characters, like Ed Baldwin, but not only him, who would be in their 80s or dead, are still not ruled out for season five. One of the showrunners gave an interview to Deadline and was asked pretty directly, like, so you finally killed off such and so, right? And he's like, well, because people are still credits cast and wearing 17 pounds of Halloween pop-up store makeup and spider webs on their heads. So I guess we're doing that. But I can't wait to see it, frankly, because the space show makes me laugh with this shit. Tara. Tara: [48:17] My not quite winner of the week is Superstore, which is getting an African remake. And this came up in a cracked editorial meeting this week with one of my colleagues saying, like, I don't understand how this show would translate. And I was like, actually, because we went to a superstore when we were in Nairobi. We remember, Dave, when we went to Carrefour. Yep. And it was like this absolutely enormous two-level grocery, like basically Target. It was huge. They had everything. Dave: [48:43] That's where I discovered there are properties that still have coffee, Coca-Cola. Tara: [48:46] And it's Kenya. That's right. Anyway, so I think this works perfectly and great for Superstore. That's cool. I will look forward to finding out if there's a way for us to see a subtitled version of that. Not quite loser of the week is the completely made up adventures of Dick Turpin. Now, this is an Apple TV Plus show that's basically what if our flag means death, but a highwayman starring Noel Fielding. And they have had to un-renew season two because Fielding, the star, did not come back after the holiday and no one knows what's happening. And so if this is a terrible story where something bad happened to Noel Fielding or he's going through a crisis, we wish him the best. And if it's just that he realized the show is bad, then he agrees with me because I wrote a real mean review of it. So now I'm like two of the Apple TV Plus comedies that I reviewed last year have been canceled, this one and the big door prize. So if this is a rule of three situation, please cancel Loot next. Loot fucking sucks. I don't care how many awards it gets nominated for. Fuck that shit. Dave: [49:55] As an extremely rich Democrat sort of show, though. Tara: [49:59] Oh, my God. Loot? Dave: [50:00] Yes. Tara: [50:00] Of course. Sarah: [50:01] Oh, that thing. Yeah. No, no. Tara: [50:03] Yes. In every way, you are correct. Tara: [50:12] Welcome, grandpas. You missed about an hour of show, more or less. We went deep on Christmas chocolates. We went a little shallow on scam cause. You're welcome. We really covered the gamut. There was a tiny canon about Mad Men. So much more. Kick up that pledge if you can. It's only three more dollars a month to get the whole meaty episode plus all of the archives. I got to stop calling them meaty. It's not appealing. It's kind of gross. Sorry. ExtraHotGreat.com slash club for more information of all the stuff you get. Dave: [50:45] Engorged. Get the engorged episodes that you missed. Tara: [50:49] Fully tumescent episodes. No, no, no. Sorry. Sorry, everyone. This is an example of what you'll get more of. Dave: [50:57] The porcelain past. Tara: [50:59] Alright. Moving on from that, our topic today comes from me. We're going to watch seven vintage commercials starring a pre-fame Chris Maloney. We know him now as a pitch man for brands such as Peloton and Tommy Copper compression socks, but there was a time when he was not booking ads on his fame. He was booking them by being tall, droll, and having a great head of hair. Tara: [51:23] The one commercial we will not be talking about in depth, and it's tragic, is apparently the very first commercial he ever did, and he talked about it on the Harry Connick Jr. show. The reason we're not talking about it is because they only showed a snippet, but it was for a Belgian, burger restaurant called Quick Burgers. And the premise of the ad is that Maloney and a buddy are running the New York marathon and they decide they get hungry and they jump off a bridge and swim to Belgium to Quick Burgers and a bunch of other people follow them there. And it's dubbed into, I assume, French or Walloon. It's hard to hear, but that entire commercial is tragically not available to watch. So we're only going to talk about the ones that we watched in full. And Dave, very helpfully, even though I researched all of these one at a time, collected them in the playlist. So you can find that in the show notes to watch them all in a row. The first one is from 1980 something unclear. Let's hear that commercial. Well, I'm going to go smear some mud on my ass no what i said i hear my buds in class i gotta go and get on my butt see how his. Dave: [52:37] Grades are i gotta go go away leave me alone. Sarah: [52:40] Oh jean hi you must be larry just. Tara: [53:39] Know, it's just a date, not a commitment, not a proposal, just a date. Larry, I'm fine with McDonald's in a movie. I am concerned that you're being so aggressive before I have said one full sentence to you, incel. What is your deal? I have to assume this is post-Bull Durham because it's definitely pre-Dennis Leary, but like that long. It's not this. It's not that. It's not that. It like reminds me of the Bull Durham, you know, the big speech. Sarah: [54:06] Mm-hmm. Yeah, I know it had a Dawson's Creek scripting thing that it's like, just say you hope McDonald's in a movie is okay. If this is your idea of a sales pitch, you don't get much of a commission at the record store, do you? Tara: [54:22] Yes. Sarah: [54:22] Yeah. I mean, McDonald's in a movie sounds very appealing, but I just wait for him to leave and then go myself. Tara: [54:29] Exactly. Dave: [54:30] Yeah, you don't need somebody to take you out to McDonald's. That's the part of the commercial they actually don't tell you. I wonder the people, as if there would be more than one person, but whatever. The people that wrote this commercial were like, all right, we've got Bistro. We got Maison. How do we white-collar butcher Casa? How do we do it? We can't. Damn it. Tara: [54:55] It's uncorruptible. Sarah: [54:58] Could have. They could have said Casa. Tara: [55:01] Yeah. Dave: [55:01] Yeah. Tara: [55:02] Next up, we have an ad for Roy Rogers. And what you can't see is that we are in and around a dinghy in the middle of ocean waters. Chris Maloney is one guy. There is another guy in there. That's the one you're going to hear screaming. And there is a shark circling. Let's hear. Benny. The chicken. Throw him the chicken! $2.99. And then what you can't see is when we cut back to Chris Maloney. He's alone in the dinghy. The shark is gone, and so is the other guy. So implication. He threw the guy over instead of the chicken. And you know what? I'm here for it. I thought that was pretty funny. Sarah, your thoughts. Sarah: [56:03] Yeah. What you also can't see is that it's $2.99 everywhere but Manhattan, where it's $3.79. And I forgot that this was the golden era of not just, if you return this bottle, it's five cents, except in Michigan, where it's 10 cents. But also, if you want a chain of any kind in the 212, it's going to cost you. I forget exactly why that was. I assume it's related to the reason that you can't pump your own gas in New Jersey. But, yeah, that was a real flashback to these prices will be higher in Manhattan just because. Dave: [56:38] Just because, I think, is actually the reason. Yeah, probably. And you'll probably, if you're in New York, start feeling that again with this congestion pricing. That's a good excuse to raise the prices. Tara: [56:48] That lasted into our era, too, because when we lived in Hawaii, it was $5 foot long at Subway everywhere except Hawaii. It was not $5. Dave: [56:56] Hawaii, Alaska, and Puerto Rico. Sarah: [56:58] It also wasn't a foot long. Tara: [56:59] That, too. Sarah: [57:00] Bastards. Dave: [57:02] Quality mean-spirited ad. Tara: [57:04] Yeah next up burger king burger king would like to introduce a new word to the english language yumbo yumbo, at Burger King. And one day in your dictionary. Okay, first of all, hot ham and cheese sounds like something you'd find in Urban Dictionary. And I won't say what it means, but nothing good. Sarah: [57:45] Next to porcelain vagina. Dave: [57:46] Yeah, Yorkshire's vagina. Tara: [57:47] This product must have never come to Canada because I don't remember Burger King trying to come for Arby's. Dave: [57:53] They may have lost it on the way to Canada because there's this one shot where they have Chris, you know, who knows if they're actually Chris Maloney's hands because how the, you know, hand model maybe. But... Either his hands are the biggest hands in the universe, or this is actually a teeny tiny sandwich, like approaching burger bundles. If you remember burger bundles, which was the three burgers. It was so small. Like, you would not be satisfied. You would have to go and get second breakfast. Tara: [58:21] Right. And considering that it's called something that rhymes with jumbo, that's very misleading. Terrible name for it. But any mom who would tell a kid who wants one, like, we have jumbo at home, they're right. This is extremely low effort. It's a bun with folded ham. I guess it's hot. That doesn't make it better. And like a slice of American cheese. Dave: [58:41] Yeah. And weren't there sesame seeds on the bun? Yes. That's not a breakfast accoutrement. Tara: [58:45] No, it's not. Sarah: [58:46] It's also not a ham trameau. Tara: [58:49] No, but this reminded me, there's a King of Queens episode where Doug gives up eating meat. And we keep cutting from scenes of, you know, the family to the boardroom at a fast food chain where they're like brainstorming ideas. everything they say is like more and more rich and disgusting and eventually like they land on the recipe that gets dug back to eating meat but that's what reminded me of this it's like there's no no thought when it's the yumbo yuck i. Sarah: [59:17] Kept thinking also that like just the way he popped that eyebrow and the whole styling of him that it was like my husband could have eaten the lunch as it were, of all of these sort of mid to late 80s commercial fast food actors. He loves a pressed ham. He would have done really well on these. So yeah, I guess it's not too late. Tara: [59:43] I forgot to say, the Roy Rogers, Burger King, and this next one are all from 1988. Let's hear Here are fourth clip. Okay, Alex will now do his famous dog impersonations. Here he comes. Who's that supposed to be? Beats me. So this is the dog ducking back into the bathroom and then coming out as a different dog. But the last one is the Spuds McKenzie rival, Alex from Strohs, who has immortalized in either Funky Cold Medina or the other Tone Loke song. I forget. What is the other one? Dave: [1:00:38] The other one what? Tara: [1:00:39] The other. Sarah: [1:00:39] Wild Thing? Tara: [1:00:40] Wild Thing. Thank you. Unfortunately, I love this. I now want a 24-hour cable channel that's just Chris Maloney interacting with dogs because that's a good combo. Dave: [1:00:50] Although this commercial is sort of the equivalent of Samsung's commercials these days where they're like slagging on Apple and Apple's like, yeah, whatever. I mean, Budweiser is like. Sarah: [1:00:58] I don't care. Dave: [1:00:58] But Spuzz McKenzie is like so far ahead of Helix from Stroh's in the pop culture. Tara: [1:01:04] All right, moving on to 1989. We got a real different flavor of Maloney in another Roy Rogers ad. Let's hear it. I swear I'm from New York! You gotta believe me! Ever, The New York-only chicken deal at Roy's. Sarah, as our tri-stater, I feel like you should respond first. Sarah: [1:01:45] Again, different price in Manhattan. You don't hear that, but it's $3.29. In Manhattan, slightly better price differential, but still. It's always fascinating to me that early in his career how New York he was asked to be when he's from Washington and went to some private school in Northern Virginia. I mean, okay, but he does, I mean, I guess he has that look like in the previous Roy's commercial, I think he was named Vinny. And he was in the Finnelli Brothers, which we've talked about on this on this fine program. Like, you know, you see that a lot. And he does end up as a New York City cop as his like defining role. But that was kind of interesting. Also, the the way that they signal visually that this person is not a New Yorker is like he's wearing a members only jacket. But then everyone else in the crowd is wearing black, which is funny. And there's a rabbi there. I mean, Madison Avenue, despite being in New York, sometimes had a really weird idea of what Peoria thought New York was. And it wasn't always – I'm sure they knew it wasn't quote correct, but it's just sort of wild the way they use this to sell something that's a good deal in New York, but it's everywhere except New York. It's weird. Tara: [1:03:02] Right. They also, I mean, the style of shooting it, this is before Law and Order, but it's in that verite style. So when you cut to it, it really looks like you're just coming to in a scene where someone's getting hustled into a cop car, which is why it's also funny that Chris Maloney is just a bystander. Sarah: [1:03:19] Yeah. And they have the old blue and white cop cars that they have in the credits of famous original Law and Order, which made me smile. Dave: [1:03:26] Yeah, there's a punk guy in the crowd that's very angry that the guy is getting the sandwich he shouldn't be getting. Do you think that was a guy they grabbed off the street? Or do you think because he looked pretty good? Like he didn't look too Hollywood punky to me. It looked like he could have been like, you know, they just said, can you come in this scene and look angry for us and we'll give you 50 bucks. Sarah: [1:03:46] Yeah, or they went down to like Astor Place hair cutters and were like, you want to make some money? Can you be even can your hair be any spikier than that? Great. Tara: [1:03:56] All right, there's not much to hear in this one, but we're going to play it anyway, and I'll explain why. If we could make you a salad with dehydrated lettuce or fresh, New rancher's choice from Kraft, the one real choice. So this is mostly those ingredients as you hear them. And then at the end, there's just a little inset of Chris Maloney eating a bite of the salad. And after seeing him talk about McDonald's, Roy Rogers, Burger King, Stroh, Roy Rogers again, I'm happy to see him eat a vegetable. It's great. Great for him. And his cola. Sarah: [1:04:48] Especially after that porny buttermilk pour earlier in the spot that I was just like, mmm. Dave: [1:04:54] Yeah, you think it's healthy and you realize how much dressing they're actually putting on this salad. It reminded me of the time we were getting a connecting flight. We're in St. Louis for some reason. I forget where we're going. Doesn't matter. But there was a couple and they decided to get a light salad. So they both asked for an extra thing of dressing. But the tubs of the dressing that you got were like, weren't the little, little guys you get like salsa in or something like that? They were like huge. It must have been two cups of dressing on this like clamshell, typical airport salad. It was so disgusting. It looked like Alfredo salad, Maggeddon. It was just revolting. The bolting, and that kind of reminded me of that. Tara: [1:05:35] We also see when they're slicing the fresh tomatoes, they're like holding, the model is holding it in one hand and slicing in the air in the other. Don't ever, don't cut tomatoes like that. Dave: [1:05:46] Don't do what Johnny Craft does. Tara: [1:05:48] Nope. Sarah: [1:05:49] Yeah, no. Tara: [1:05:50] And then our last clip. Snow, incredible snow. You are psyched, huh? It's our first trip to America's premier ski, gets by you, does it? Head and shoulders because you never get a second chance to make a first impression. So he didn't only make commercials for food and drink. That's good to know. But it is funny. and we've talked about this in commercial episodes before, the conversational style. Because this is the same sort of thing as in the McDonald's commercial where it's just like a little slice of life. We're just watching a scene. We're not trying to sell anything. We're just eavesdropping on these regular people. Enjoy these hair product commercials. Well, you can, buddy. Sarah: [1:06:46] Yeah. Tara: [1:06:46] They're not going to last. Sarah: [1:06:48] You could literally have been saying anything. You could have been trying to sell me NFTs. Tara: [1:06:53] Yeah. Sarah: [1:06:53] The jeans he has on are so tight that I just everything on earth fell out of my head looking at his butt, which has happened before. And I regret nothing. Tara: [1:07:04] Yep. He's hot. Dave: [1:07:05] When I was younger, there were so many dandruff commercials on the air that I really thought it was like the main reason, like when I was super young, the main reason people didn't stay together. Like, if you were trying to date somebody and they had dandruff, that was the reason. Or rather, let's work it backwards. If you knew somebody and they were with somebody and now they weren't, I assumed that it was dandruff. Sarah: [1:07:30] Right. Leading cause of divorce. Not fighting over money. Sebum flakes. Dave: [1:07:35] Back before I knew about everybody's biological urges. Yeah, absolutely. But it was. It was not so head and shoulders. But because they were advertising so much bread and boulders over on the other side of the pile, they had to advertise, too. So it was like just a lot of dandruff stuff. And like it made me paranoid all the time. And, you know, you're a kid. You have weird hygiene routines. You got dandruff. And you're like, oh, my God, I got dandruff. I have to go like, can I get to the bathroom at school and deal with this? Sarah: [1:08:03] Let me move to a cave now. Yes, exactly. Dave: [1:08:05] Yeah. Don't look at me. I'm idiots. Tara: [1:08:08] Well, in my elder statesman era, I can tell you that you can also, if you have skin problems, get dandruff in your eyebrows and you need to get a special cream. That is a true story. Dave: [1:08:19] Do they have anything for wiry white eyebrow hairs that are trying to form a flower? Because that's what mine do. I got ones that are just like a burst. It's like something out of annihilation. Like, what's happening to his head? Help. Tara: [1:08:33] He did come in earlier this week and be like, look at what's happening here. and it was an asterisk, like a perfect asterisk. Sarah: [1:08:41] Aw. Tara: [1:08:41] Yep. Anyway, after this, Chris Maloney got cast in the Finnelli Boys, even though that only lasted a season, I think, based on what YouTube Pirates have posted. That was the end of his career being anonymous in commercials. And we celebrated. That was fun. Sarah: [1:08:57] Mm-hmm. Dave: [1:08:59] All right. I just realized I didn't have an ending here, so I'm just going to wing it. Tara: [1:09:03] Oh, good. Dave: [1:09:04] Yep. and that is it for another episode of extra extra hot great maybe i just leave the part in where i say i'm winging it so everybody knows what's going on i forgot to write my outro so uh we traveled through the world of the scam goddess terrible terrible before answering your burning ass eh eh the like what are you already exhausted by this year uh sarah got the tiny line reading canon not great bob inducted we celebrated those who weren't quite the weren't quite the best and the worth of oh my god this is terrible guys weren't quite the best and worst of the week and wrapped it all up with a look at chris maloney's vintage commercials next up is something Don't you know? What's up next, Tara? Tara: [1:09:53] It's SNL 50 with our guest, Omar Gaiaga. Dave: [1:09:56] Remember. We're listening. I am David Teagle. And on behalf of Tara Arellano. Tara: [1:10:04] No one suspected her. Dave: [1:10:06] And Sarah D. Bunting. Sarah: [1:10:08] 329 in Manhattan. Dave: [1:10:09] Thanks for listening, everyone. And we'll see you next time right here on Extra, Extra Hot Great. Tara: [1:10:27] Yumbo. Yumbo. Tara: [1:10:37] This.