Does Columbo's Mind Over Mayhem Compute?

Clip 00:09 Sorry, Lieutenant doesn't compute That means it doesn't make sense. Doesn't add up. That's right. Well, thanks anyway, Steve. It was worth a try Dave 00:26 This is the Extra Extra Hot Great Podcast, episode 406 for the April 25th, 2026 weekend. Clip 00:37 I should go a little while really. Dave 00:40 I am scientific garage heroine David T. Cole, and I'm here with petulant chess bot Sarah D. Bunting. Sarah 00:46 You're not my real O One One O One One None Oh Dave 00:50 And Cybernetic Research Institute Budget Administrator Tara Ariano. Tara 00:54 What do you mean, why do we need twelve cars? Dave 01:01 Welcome to Extra Extra Hot Great Everybody. It is that time of month for the forcing pool and this forcing comes from Mr. Monty Ashley and he wants us to watch Nay forces us to watch Columbo Season three, Episode Six, Mind Over Mayhem Tara 01:22 Mayhem, mayhem. Dave 01:24 Mayhem. Why do I have to say it three times? Before we get into the actual events of Mind Over Mayhem, let's quickly do the chen check-in. Sarah D. Bunting, should you watch Columbo Mind Over Mayhem? Sarah 01:37 Absolutely Tara 01:38 Yes, of course Dave 01:40 You should it's novel, but it's not one of the better Columbo episodes, but it's great for its own reasons. Tara 01:45 Mm-hmm. Dave 01:46 So let's get into it. A little bit of history here. You may have noticed I was too sick on the last ESG prime this week to do very much, including a game time. So I'm gonna make up for that by asking you this question. Do you know what time it is? Sarah 02:00 Oh my gosh, O one oh oh one one. Tara 02:00 Is it surprise game time? Dave 02:03 Yes, it is surprise Colombo game time. Tara 02:06 Whoo Sarah 02:06 Yes Dave 02:18 So me and this game will go over the highlight tidbits of this Columbo episode. Through a game time I'm cleverly calling Mind Over, Mind Over Mayhem. Tara 02:29 Nice. Dave 02:30 So here we go. We're just going to get into it, and questions will come when they need to. So pay attention. Here's the first one. We'll start with Sarah Godatara for these questions. So it keeps core. One pop apiece. Columbo's soon to be coming up very soon segment. Pre-roll is almost as cryptic and quickly cut as what show that's 33 years Columbos Jr. Clip 02:52 Heroin? He had heroin? That man is lying! I'll have to expose him myself. You fool. You're not a very good liar. Got nothing to hide. I suspected you ten minutes after I met you. All right, Lieutenant, you win. You're behind this. Yes, sir. It's a real mess. Do they know who did it? He had an accident. What are you getting at, Lieutenant? There is no power on earth could induce me to keep the lid on this. Something just computed. Dave 03:19 Once again, Sarah D. Bundy, your question is that pre-roll is almost as cryptic and quickly cut as what show that did that 33 years later. Sarah 03:30 I'm gonna guess arrested development. Dave 03:32 No, it's not. Tara, no steals, but what is that show that did that every time? Tara 03:37 I assume you're thinking of madman. Dave 03:39 Mad Men is correct. Yes, Madman, super cryptic little thingies. Sarah 03:41 Ah, okay. Dave 03:44 Alright, that's your first little bit of Columbo. So this thing where they do it. Why isn't this a thing now? Because it feels like exactly in streaming's Ballywick and their strategy right now. It speaks to wanting to grab you in that first 20 seconds. Sarah 04:00 Mm-hmm. Dave 04:00 like they do now with the k boom pow pow pow two days earlier. Tara 04:04 Yeah Dave 04:05 Or when you watch a trailer online now for some reason there's a five second trailer for the trailer you're about to watch. Tara 04:09 The tra yep. Sarah 04:11 Mm-hmm Dave 04:12 How did this not come back? Tara 04:14 Yeah, it's surprising Dave 04:15 Yeah. Tara 04:15 It feels like Paradise, for example, is the perfect kind of show to have this sort of here's what's coming up in this hour of this dumb show. Dave 04:22 Yes. It does. Sarah 04:24 Mm-hmm. Dave 04:24 But that cut for the you're about to sees, as I call them, was surprisingly modern, even though it was completely nonsensical as far as figuring out what was actually happening. Tara 04:27 Yes. Yeah. True Dave 04:34 Let me get into the overall gist of this episode to situate you. The director of the Cybernetic Research Institute, Dr. Tara 04:42 Of course. Dave 04:43 Kay Hill. Tara 04:44 Mm-hmm. Dave 04:44 is informed his son is about to be accused of plagiarism. So the director kills doctor Nicholson, that's his accuser By running him over on his own driveway and staging a robbery-turn murder scene inside the house and stealing the plagiarized papers. Second question coming up, Tara. Tara 05:01 Mm-hmm. Dave 05:02 One of the clues Colombo finds is work heroin. Tara 05:05 Yeah. Dave 05:05 Where should you keep your work heroin? A. A safe, or B a sugar tin labeled C21H23NO5. Tara 05:15 Well, where should you a safe, but where this doctor keeps it is just hanging out in the garage in a totally a countertop kitchen like canister. Dave 05:26 I'm sorry, the answer was B because if you suspect you'll be murdered by a scientist, it's going to be a really great clue for somebody later. Tara 05:34 Okay Dave 05:35 So that is the setup. Son accused of plagiarism. The director kills the doctor who was going to accuse him in public the next day. Tara 05:44 Yeah, Sun, by the way, who has one of the strangest heads I have ever seen on any screen Sarah 05:48 Oh my God, he really does. Dave 05:49 We're gonna get to it. Tara 05:50 Okay, good. Thank God. Dave 05:53 So Columbo Of course, we'll solve the case, and he does. But first he has to deal with his failure of a son. Clip 06:04 Lieutenant, I have been Dean of this academy for over 20 years, and we have never had a situation like this. Believe me, sir, I know you've done your best. If a student fails, we consider it our failure, not his. To be honest with you, I was afraid of something like this. We've had a lot of problems with them at home. Then you do understand we consider it best that you withdraw him. Yes. I'm very sorry, Lieutenant Just sits around the house and drools. Never moves. We love him, but a dog should do something, even if he just barks now and then Dave 06:41 Oh, it was a dog. Tara 06:43 It was a dog. Dave 06:43 Da-da-da-da-da-da. Columbo humor! Sarah 06:45 Yeah. Tara 06:45 Mm-hmm. Dave 06:47 That poor bass it, huh? Alright, here comes your next question. It is for Sarah D. Bunting. This episode was directed by Colombo regulator Alf Shellen. Sarah 06:52 Yes Dave 06:57 What is Alf Shellen's full name? Sarah 07:02 Full first name Dave 07:03 What is his full name? Sarah 07:08 Uh Alfred Schellenberg Dave 07:12 Incorrect. Tara, any guesses here? Tara 07:14 Is it Gordon Shumway Shellin? Well. Dave 07:17 It is alien lifeform shallon. Tara 07:18 Okay. Sarah 07:19 God damn it Dave 07:19 You're cluth. He does a lot of good work. Tara 07:22 Mm-hmm Dave 07:22 So that's the gist of the episode. Let's get into some notable cast members, shall we? Tara 07:27 Please. Dave 07:28 Jose Frere is here. Tara 07:30 With Pink Eye. Dave 07:31 That's right. That's correct. He does have pink eye throughout the episode. It is gross. I don't know what the makeup people could do for him, but it wasn't enough. He plays Dr. Cahill. He is the institute director. Next question coming up. This one's for Tara. Jose Frere plays Dr. K. Hill, the Institute Director. His son Miguel in real life. Played Bob Morton, a character who also worked with a robot. His character was shot in the legs and exploded with a grenade for his troubles in what movie? Tara 08:01 Robocop We gotta watch that again. Dave 08:01 Robokov, yes, that's our first correct answer Tara 08:05 It's been too long. Dave 08:05 It's really good. Tara 08:06 Robocop is great Dave 08:07 It's great. Sarah D. Bunting. This actress dons a wig shaped like a motorcycle helmet to play Margaret Nicholson, the young wife of the murdered doctor. If asked this very question, I'm asking you right now, the actress would respond, I don't understand the question, and I won't respond to it. Who is that actress? Sarah 08:28 That is Arrested Developments, Jessica Walter. Dave 08:31 You are correct. Tara 08:31 Woo I mean Dave 08:33 She plays the way younger wife of what I'm calling a very near to cricket keeper husband. Tara 08:42 Yeah. I'm not sure it's a wig though. I think that's just it was the style at the time. That wedge Dorothy Hamill haircut. Sarah 08:47 Yeah. Clute hangover, yeah. Tara 08:50 Mm-hmm. Dave 08:51 A lot of things happening with that hair that they did not care for. Tara 08:51 Yes. Sarah 08:53 Mm-hmm. Tara 08:53 No, it's not good. Sarah 08:54 Moving, not one of those things. Tara 08:56 No. Dave 08:58 This cast is pretty stacked. We got a lot of people here we know. Here's our next question back to Tara. Tara 09:03 Yep Dave 09:04 This actress spent one of her days of her life playing a Blink and You'll Miss It Secretary role in this very episode. Tara 09:11 That's uh Jimmy from Hacks' own mother, Deidre Hall. Dave 09:15 You are correct, yes, way in the background of one shot wearing a periwinkle dress. Tara 09:21 Yes, on the on the intercom a bunch, though. Dave 09:23 Yes, true. Alright, we're not done yet. Back to Sarah D. Bunting. Child actor Lee Montgomery plays a boy genius in this episode, working on robotics at the Institute. His character name is Steven Spelberg, a subtle reference to this person, Columbo's first director. Tara 09:37 Mm Sarah 09:42 Steven Spielberg Dave 09:44 Yes! Tara 09:44 Yes. Dave 09:45 Another point. Alright, now let's get to Big Head McGee. Robert Walter Jr. as Neil, the son of the director who's being accused of plagiarism, brackets, he did it. Robert Walker Jr. , who plays Neil, has a giant head made even more gigantic by his 70s feathered hair. If he was a character in the end credits of Star Trek the original series, which character would he be? Tara 10:12 Oh Dave 10:13 I'll accept a description Tara 10:16 Oh, I uh I can picture him, but I it it's it's like a big throbbing brain character. Dave 10:20 Paint a picture. Yeah. Tara 10:23 Okay Dave 10:23 Alright. We'll give that to you. He's got a big giant head. He's an alias. I'm sorry he's got yellow eyes and his mouth's open. Tara 10:29 Yeah. Dave 10:29 You know that guy. Mm-hmm. Uh not the guys that look human. I mean, if we could pick one out of the uh the whole series, we definitely would be the big brain dudes with the veins, but let's just go with that one. Follow-up for Sarah D. Bunting. Turns out though, he did actually play a character on Star Trek, the original series. In fact, the episode is named after a super powered brat character in that episode. If you stole XC worth of this modern brat performer, you would have the title of this Star Trek episode. What is the title? If you stole XC worth of this modern brat performer, you had the title of this Star Trek episode, what is that title? Sarah 11:12 Oh my god. I don't remember. It's like Millennium Child or something like that. I don't know. Dave 11:18 Incorrect Taro, what is that? Tara 11:20 I the Brat Charlie Xy reference makes me think it's Charlie X. Dave 11:24 Charlie X is the name of the episode in Star Trek in which he plays basically all those Star Trek child villains. Basically, it's the Star Trek version of the Twilight episode where everybody has to be good to the kid because he's got superpowers. Tara 11:37 Yeah. Oh great Dave 11:38 Yep. Sarah 11:38 Gotcha Dave 11:38 All right, moving on with our notable cast members. Robbie the robot, yes, it's that episode. I've been saving that Marcel for you. Plays MM7, the seventh in a series of robots created by boy genius Steven Spelberg. Robbie the robot is not, however, Tara, the robot from this 60s space family adventure show. Tara 11:56 Yes. Lost some face. Dave 12:02 That is correct. Different robot from there, although from the same creator. Follow-up for Sarah. Robbie the robot is best known as the robot from this film, starring famous fart enjoyer Leslie Nielsen. Sarah 12:19 Uh oh shit. Famous fart enjoyer Leslie Nielsen. Um not police squad. Jesus Why can't I remember the actual name? Alright, I'll just answer police squad. Dave 12:33 Hey correct, Tori, do you know this? Tara 12:35 Is it Forbidden Planet? Dave 12:36 Forbidden Planet is the correct answer. Sarah 12:38 Oh. Dave 12:39 We're not done yet. Back to Tara. Both Robbie and the robot from Lost in Space were parodied by the Simpsons. in a poster for this fictional film with the tagline A Mechanical Man with the Heart of a Monster. What is the name of that film in the Simpsons universe? Tara 12:54 Oh no, I don't remember. I don't know. Dave 12:58 That film is called Clank Clank You're Dead. Tara 13:00 Oh yeah Dave 13:02 In which Lisa Simpson bemoans that a little person actor probably had a really hard time. Tara 13:08 Yep. Dave 13:09 playing the robot and then the door slowly swings open you see a skeleton of a little person in the robot. Tara 13:13 Yes, you do We miss him. Dave 13:16 We're not dead yet with Robbie the robot. Tara 13:17 Or her. Mm-hmm. Dave 13:19 One more Tara 13:20 Yep. Dave 13:20 MM7 sees a runoff data tape cartridges that look suspiciously like spray-painted eight-track tapes. Here's a question, Sarah. If the Institute saved money by buying used eight tracks at yard sales and flea markets, statistically speaking, what 70s album are they taping over the most? Sarah 13:40 Uh oh gosh. Seventies album are they taping over the most? Ah, Frampton comes alive. Dave 13:49 That's a very good guess. Tara 13:50 That is a good guess. Dave 13:51 It is Dark Side of the Moon Tara 13:53 Oh. Sarah 13:54 Oh, sure, sure. Dave 13:55 Yes. Tara 13:55 Hm Dave 13:56 So those are your main principal cast members. Let's get into some of the situations, some of the settings, and some of the best set pieces. First one for me is the Institute's control room. It's like a war room where they're, you know, doing war scenarios as part of the institute's mandate. Tara 14:15 Mm-hmm. Dave 14:16 Two really terrible visual elements worth mentioning here. One is there is a sort of like NORAD status real-time supposed to be a computer display map of things that are going on near the North Pole Sarah 14:27 mm Dave 14:30 Except they're also trying to move the camera and you cannot combine those two things in this era. There's no sense of scale with the green screen. You know, if you zoom in, the green screen s stays the same while everything else zooms in and it just looks like unnatural to the extreme. Sarah 14:44 Hundred percent Tara 14:46 Very wobbly. Sarah 14:46 It looked like stop-motion color forms, but it just didn't work. Tara 14:49 Yeah. Dave 14:49 Yeah. Sarah 14:51 However, there was one set design element that I super loved and wanted for my house. I assume we're gonna talk about that. Dave 15:00 I'm interested. The other thing in the control room that I want to bring up is the Receipt size computer printout that comes out of one of their giant things. It was 100% just a piece of paper they jammed into that slot just before the scene. Because you hear that and the guy pulls out this little paper thing, except it's all crumpled up. It's not straight. It just didn't come from a computer. It's been like in people's coats for the past uh two days onset comes out. It looks like a receipt from the grocery store at the bottom of my tote bag I noticed four months later. Tara 15:31 Mm-hmm. Dave 15:31 It's like it's almost paper. Sarah 15:31 Mm-hmm Dave 15:33 All right, Tara, here's your next question. How badly do you want the illuminated tabletop war map as your dining table? Sarah 15:40 There it is Tara 15:42 Very much, and I feel like Sarah should also get a point for that, because obviously that's what she was referring to. Dave 15:46 I'll let you both answer. Sarah 15:47 Yeah. Dave 15:48 Okay, so Tara said very much was your answer, Sarah. Keep in mind she said very much. Sarah 15:53 Enough to step over Tara, knock her down and step over her to get them. Dave 15:55 Yeah. That's correct. Yeah. We're gonna give Sarah that one. The answer was more than t more than Tara. Tara 16:01 Mm-hmm. Dave 16:01 Anything more than very much would have got you the point. Tara 16:02 Great Sarah 16:04 Mm-hmm. Dave 16:04 Uh it is fantastic. It is a uh conic projection map, you know, the ones that look like an orange peel. Tara 16:06 Yeah Dave 16:10 And it is just sort of primary color blocks of nation states sometimes and then they put their wooden war pieces all over it. It is so cool. Tara 16:22 Yeah Dave 16:22 I'm sure on set it probably fell apart as somebody touched it, but if they could build a real one of those, I would want it at my house. Sarah 16:26 Oh, sure. And they have the little like pieces, like wooden pieces, like Dave said, to indicate like submarines, warships, battle battalions. And then when they're resetting it each time, like when someone comes on the intercom to say we will postpone the rest of World War III until after lunch, which is the announcement you always want to hear at work. Tara 16:49 Yep Sarah 16:50 They have one of those croupier sticks with the hook on the end so they can get all of the they can push and pull the battalion pieces around for because these tables are really big. Tara 17:02 Mm-hmm. Sarah 17:02 Oh my gosh, they're so cool Tara 17:04 Yep. Sarah 17:04 Sometimes the seventies got it right. Tara 17:06 True Sarah 17:06 Not usually, but sometimes. Dave 17:07 So good. I hope somebody got that table for a while, but just didn't go in the trash bin in the back of the studio. Sarah 17:11 God same. Dave 17:13 It was really well done. Next question. We're still in the control room moments area, so keep that in mind. So this is for Sarah. Although the control room belongs to the Cybernetic Research Institute. The white ID buttons employees wear everywhere makes it look like a budget village from what British show Sarah 17:31 The prisoner Dave 17:32 The prisoner is correct, yes. It's like if the prisoner didn't have the time or budget to make bespoke number buttons and they just had to like slide in a card. You know those birthday cards you used to get with the wheels? Tara 17:43 Yes. Dave 17:43 Like it's your fifth, sixth, seventh birthday. Sarah 17:44 Yeah, mm-hmm Dave 17:45 It was sorta like that. Tara 17:46 Mm-hmm Dave 17:48 Let's move on to another setting, the Boy Genius Lair. Tara 17:51 Mm-hmm. Dave 17:51 That is Steven Spelberg's personal lab Sarah 17:55 Stove and spellberg Dave 17:56 Yes. This is for Tara. First question. MM7, that's Robbie the robot's character. Gets an emotion chip from Steven Spellberg. Tara 18:06 Mm-hmm. Dave 18:07 and uses it, that is the robot, to flip a chessboard when he loses to the boy Wonder. In chess terminology, what is this move called? Tara 18:16 The little bitch Fisher Dave 18:18 Sarah, thoughts? Sarah 18:20 Uh, the Bobby Fisher Dave 18:23 The Bobby what? Oh, I would have accepted the Bobby Pitcher, but not the Bobby Pitcher. Sarah 18:25 Fisher. Dave 18:29 We'll have to get this one to Tara. Sarah 18:29 Oh, I'm sorry Dave 18:31 Alright, so we're in the lair. Cahill, that's the director who is doing the murdering, sends the boy Genius out to see a movie to get him out of the way to do some of his things. Tara 18:43 Mm-hmm. Dave 18:44 And he needs some time with MM the robot. Steven Spelberg says he wants to go to the fictitious movie, The Loves of Frankenstein. If this happened, the events of this episode happened on the air date of this episode, which is February tenth, nineteen seventy four. What real R raid newly released Western might have he sneaked into, featuring the characters Bart Jim the Waco Kid and Howard Johnson. Tara 19:12 This is for Sarah. Dave 19:12 This is for Sarah. Sarah 19:14 Oh, um, Blazing Saddles Dave 19:16 Blazing Saddles is correct, yes. Tara 19:17 Nice Dave 19:20 So the way the kid responds to this offer to go to the movie seems like he's a prisoner at the cybernetic institute, bemoaning the fact he is not a real child. Sarah 19:26 Yeah, it really does. Dave 19:29 Oh, what have they done? Why don't I get to live my life? Tara 19:33 Why do I have to stay in the lab and program my robot to be a little bitch? Dave 19:37 That's right. So Columbo asks him to take care of his dog for a bit, which he's still schlepping around. A task that Steven then delegates to M M7. Who proceeds to drag the dog back and forth along a four-foot area, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, and the dog is not having a good time. Sarah 19:54 Sport dog. Tara 19:58 Yes. The reason that Colombo has the dog is that his wife is out of town and the uh f dog training academy would not keep him to board because the dean said, I'm sorry, he demoralizes the other students. Clip 20:13 Uh I gotta go to work. My wife and kids there visiting my mother-in-law up in Fresno. You don't suppose you could keep them for another week I'm sorry, he demoralizes the other students. Sarah 20:27 Fight a nickel Dave 20:37 Weird follow up to that. Tara 20:38 Mm-hmm. Sarah 20:38 Somewhere Hayden Haymaker is sitting bolt upright, like, well, but don't leave him in the car. I don't care how demoralizing he is. That poor dog. Dave 20:47 Last question for the Boy Genius Slayer. If the Boy Genius made a robot version of that dog, what acronym titled 1970s movie would that most resemble? Tara 20:59 Uh yeah Dave 21:00 If the boy genius made a robot version of that dog, what acronym titled 1970s movie would that most resemble? Tara 21:09 A boy in his DOG. Dave 21:12 That is Chomps, C H O M P S Chomps. Tara 21:14 Oh, Chomps. Sarah 21:16 All right. Tara 21:16 Sure. Sarah 21:17 Shit Dave 21:17 Come on Tara 21:18 Sorry Dave 21:19 And uh I just want to wrap up my portion of this by going to with a little body talk. Body talk. Tara 21:25 No, Dave 21:25 Let me hear body talk. The murder victim, Dr. Nichols, the old guy, has an interesting facial palette, featuring too many colors for a healthy man. Now, both of you using the Rainbow's Roy Ghabib color spectrum system Sarah 21:41 Mm-hmm Dave 21:43 Numerate by letters the colors of his face. Think about it for a moment. So I want the letters to all the colors we think are actually on screen for this character at the same time. Give that a think. Write it down if you need to. Does he have some red? Well, you're gonna give me an R and etc. etc. Down the line. Tara 22:01 Okay, I'm locked in Dave 22:02 Alright, let me know when you're ready. Alright, Tara's ready. Sarah 22:05 I guess I'm ready. Dave 22:07 All right, give me yours, Tara. All the colors in his face Tara 22:12 I mean, I think it's shades of R, certainly, many of those, but also B and some some tinges of V because I think this might This gentleman might have enjoyed a tipple. Dave 22:23 All right, so you got RBV, Sarah D. Bunting, what are you going with? Sarah 22:27 R Y uh Yeah Yeah, R, Y, B, and V Dave 22:36 All right. Uh nobody got the question right. There's two correct answers. You could have either answered R O Y V, because he had red, oranges, yellows. And some violets in there. I don't think we got all the way to blue, but if we gave him enough time, I'm sure he would have gotten there. I also would have accepted the full Roy Ghibiv. Tara 22:55 Mm-hmm. Dave 22:56 If that stood for red, orange, yellow, gray, burgundy, ivory, and violet. Clip 22:58 Märk Sarah 23:01 I was going to I was gonna say G should be great, damn it. Tara 23:06 We also uh he this guy has one of the less um convincing combovers we've seen. This is a very seventies sort of affair where it's really a lot is coming from the back of his head being con forward into bangs. Sarah 23:20 Oh, and the Dean of Dog Students hair piece was really not even trying to blend in Tara 23:24 Yes. Dave 23:29 S so that is the game time. Let's get the scores. Tara 23:33 We are all tied up with five each. Dave 23:34 Yeah, like you both win. Tara 23:35 Yay! Dave 23:36 Congratulations. So that is Mind Over Mayhem through a game time. The one thing I want to say about the whole episode, because I was saying it wasn't that strong of an episode, is that I think a lot of it comes from the fact that the murder was rushed and not well planned, and you could tell that from the start, and sure enough, that's what did him into the end. There wasn't sort of that worthy foe aspect to it. Tara 23:58 Mm-hmm. Dave 23:59 All right, what do you guys have to say? Sarah 24:01 I just wanted to note that uh Stoven Spellberg, as noted, played by Lee Montgomery, the love interest and girls just want to have fun. Which we have talked about on our cousin podcast, Again With Again With This before, and already very cute. Tara 24:16 Mm-hmm. Sarah 24:16 Just in a different way. Tara 24:18 Yeah, Dave, I agree with you. The the crime is not that compelling and it also has a lot of details that sort of go nowhere. Like Dr. Cahill lights his cigar on the s at the scene, which ends up being a clue that finds him out, and it's like there's no reason to have lit a cigar then. Even if you're trying to set up like someone was here he was drinking cognac with, like it's just th all of the details sort of are confusing and it really just comes down to It's while he's carrying the body in from the driveway, he smears the f shoe against the wall of the corpse, and that's how they figure someone carried the body in because there's this shoe polish halfway up the door that's not supposed to be there. Dave 24:59 Yeah. And when he discovers the shoe police he puts his finger all the way through it, so that evidence is no longer admissible. Tara 25:04 He sure does yeah. Sarah 25:06 Mm-hmm. And then, yeah, sticks his finger right up to his nose, like, you better hope that was polish, boy oh. Tara 25:11 It's Dave 25:16 Not only that, there's a guy next to him dusting and he says, Hey, look at this, and that guy puts his finger through it too. So there's like Tara 25:22 Yeah Dave 25:22 Multiple fingers through this polish. Sarah 25:24 Mm-hmm. Tara 25:24 Yes. It is, however, classic Colombo in that it's almost entirely circumstantial evidence that is not going to lead anywhere near a conviction because it will be very easily tossed out by any kind of skilled lawyer But fun episode. Roboty Yeah Sarah 25:39 I wonder what the contemporary reaction to it was, given the computosity of it all. For us, like, you know, a UNIVAC the size of a den is fun and these design elements are vintage mid-century quaintness, but at the time that's not gonna be the glue that holds a Colombo together if you're watching it live. Tara 26:05 Mm-hmm. Sarah 26:05 So Which way does the curve go when you're grading on that? Tara 26:08 Yeah. Sarah 26:08 But I, you know, it's hard to find a Columbo that is so boring or terrible that there's not something to love about it. Tara 26:15 Yes, totally. Sarah 26:16 And this had uh, you know, an eighties film future hunk in it, and a cute dog, and uh cool vintage cars for my husband to look at. Tara 26:27 Mm-hmm. Sarah 26:27 That's important. I enjoyed it. Tara 26:28 Mm-hmm. It's always a good time. Sarah 26:29 Boop. Dave 26:36 Well, I'm having a good time listening to this. Hmm. Yes, it is time for Ask E H G. I just thought of a tiebreaker for the game. Tara 27:01 Oh, yes Dave 27:01 Alright, you ready? Alright, so you have to write down, write down, be honest. Commit your answer. Tara 27:07 Okay. Dave 27:07 Don't change it. Tara 27:08 Yep. Dave 27:08 Here we go. Tara 27:09 Mm-hmm. Dave 27:10 How many glass eyes did Peter Falk have? Alright. Lock it in Tara. Tara 27:19 Three Dave 27:20 Three. Hmm. I think Sarah's closer. The answer is probably six or seven. Okay, great. It is time to spin the wheel of judgment to see who's going to win nothing. Sarah 27:28 Okay. Tara 27:29 Congrats, Sarah Sarah 27:31 Thanks Dave 27:33 See who's going to judge uh last week's Ask Ask ESG question. Tara, you will be the judge this week. Tara 27:41 Okay, last week's Ask Ask EHG question came to us from Dixon Chance, who wrote Your mission, do the worst possible casting for a live-action Scooby-Doo reboot. We have a couple of runners up. Evil Dolphin suggested For Fred, Kumeel Nangiani, in parentheses, obligatory inclusion and with an asterisk. If Kumel is too busy, likely, then Jason Momoa. Daphne, Jason Statham, Evil Dolphin writes in a blonde wig, obviously. I assume that's part of the bad casting because Daphne is a redhead. Velma, Gina Carano, Shaggy, Joel Kinneman with artificial stubble provided by the people who did his old man makeup on Space Show. Scooby-Doo, Rolf, abandoned amusement park owners slash ghost of a Confederate general, Brian Cox, under a misunderstanding that he is in a production of of Hamlet. Oh, and the Mystery Machine is a cyber truck sponsored by whatever AI or crypto company is putting up the funding. Very strong. Sarah 28:41 This is a rudder up? Tara 28:42 Yeah. Sarah 28:42 Oh boy. Oh well done. Tara 28:45 Mandrake jumped on a a sort of s joke setup, I guess, by Secant and suggested an orphan black like version with two people playing multiple roles. Those people are the characters of Wharf. and Dorf. But our winner is Seth, who writes, Worst is hard to quantify, but there was already an idea so bad that it was killed in its nascency back in twenty seventeen. Universal's Dark Universe patterned after the MCU. The following actors would play the Scooby Gang in the way they intended to play the monsters, which sounds unambiguously awful. Tom Cruise as the Mummy as Fred, Angelina Jolie as the Bride of Frankenstein as Daphne, Scarlett Johansson as the creature from the Black Lagoon in Tarobang as Velma. Johnny Depp as the Invisible Man as Shaggy. Dwayne Johnson as the Wolfman as Scooby-Doo with slash and Russell Crow as Dr. Jekyll slash Mr. Hyde as Scrappy-Doo. Thank you. Seth, great job. Please DM Dave to get your well-earned stickers. Sarah 29:47 Oh wow Dave 29:51 All right, let's get into your questions for us this week. First one from Ambrose Chapel. What is the oldest thing you own? Tara. Tara 29:59 The oldest thing I own is Dave. Just kidding. It's probably either a group photo of some kind of garden club or like lawn bowling club or something from Edinburgh. Dave 30:08 Oh yeah, right. Tara 30:09 It's dated nineteen thirteen. Dave 30:11 Yeah, that's mine. Tara 30:12 Okay. Sarah 30:16 Marital property Tara 30:17 Do I not I don't get it if you die first? It's not part of the estate. Dave 30:20 Sure. Yeah, all right. Tara 30:22 Anyway. That's dated 1913, like I said, unless our farm table in the back room is older than that, which it may be. Dave 30:27 Oh Tara 30:30 I don't really know. Dave 30:30 Yeah. It's getting up there probably. Tara 30:32 Probably. Dave 30:32 Yeah. Tara 30:33 Sarah. Sarah 30:33 That I know for sure the age and can say that I own it is probably our house Which was built in nineteen twenty two, but I do have a family bible in the house that dates from the eighteen sixties. Tara 30:46 Whoa. Dave 30:46 Does it burn when you touch it? Sarah 30:47 They started writing things in the Right. Huh? Does it hurt when I touch it? Dave 30:50 Does it burn when you touch it? Sarah 30:52 I never touch it. Dave 30:53 That's good. Sarah 30:55 And that's why I can't really say that I own it. Like it is a family Bible. If my brother wants to come and take it, he can So that's it. Dave No, that's the Bible talking. Dave 31:03 Sarah walks up to the Bible. Clip 31:06 I'm going to kill you! Dave 31:08 Would that book just talk? Sarah 31:12 Zzz Ow Dave 31:13 I have a big touched up like hand-touched photo of great uncle question mark just before he went off to World War One. I have an Ontario license plate from 1910, which seems like before they started to give out license plates, but I have it. Sarah 31:27 You just hung it on a horse? Dave 31:28 I have a ton of no, it's like wide, it's wider than ours. Sarah 31:28 Sure. Dave 31:33 That horse would have to have a huge ass for that to work. I have a ton of commercial tins from anywhere from nineteen ten to nineteen forties probably, and I have an iPhone fourteen, which Tara 31:42 Yeah. Dave 31:45 Didn't come along in the tooth. Vandy following up, what's the newest thing you own, Sarah? Sarah 31:51 A blue flower tank top from Gap Factory. Dave! Dave 31:55 A four-ounce bottle of Cloves Essential Oil. Ta Tara 31:59 I got groceries on Wednesday and paid attention to see what thing got checked last and it was a bottle of 90 leave back and bodies for days. Sarah 31:59 Hmm. Dave 32:10 Days broken. Sarah 32:10 What? Why? Dave 32:11 Following up from what's the newest thing you own? Sarah 32:12 Rolls Dave 32:14 What's something you own? I have two coffee cups from the 1970s-80s Ponterosa. Tara bought me a couple years ago. Tara 32:21 Mm-hmm. Dave 32:22 They are so tiny. Tara 32:23 Yeah, they're really small. Dave 32:24 It's hard to believe they were used in America. Tara 32:26 Mm-hmm. Dave 32:27 Tara. Tara 32:28 Uh, I don't know, toothbrush, Sarah Sarah 32:30 Uh, guitar pick that belonged to Junior Brown that my brother put in a frame. Dave 32:34 Sunetra, what's a thing you sometimes own? Tara 32:38 Sandy McTyre, our terrible dog, sometimes she owns me, Sarah. Sarah 32:44 That was my answer to the cats. Usually I am owned by them, Dave. Dave 32:49 Uh I put in my sanity. Tara 32:51 Mm-hmm. Sarah 32:53 Yeah. Dave 32:53 Not my best work. Following up from What's the Thing You Sometimes Own, Rue Goldberg asks, what's your favorite show on Own? Sarah. Sarah 33:01 Date line on own, Dave Dave 33:03 Well, first of all, someone tell the own webmaster about high-resolution images for today's modern super monitors because Jesus Christ, this website as a whole feels like it was made fifteen years ago. Sarah 33:14 It was, if that's a Dave 33:15 I was like, what's this show about? And I clicked on it. Took me four tries before it loaded. And when it did load, it loaded slow. Tara 33:22 Mm-hmm. Dave 33:22 Like this is on a 286 Pentium in Oprah's closet somewhere in their house. You have to dial in to like get a page. Anyways, uh I haven't seen one episode of anything on that list, but if I'm gonna choose just by whatever's. I'm gonna have to go with uh Food Fantasies, not because I think it's good, but because I think it's so low effort that they wouldn't mind if I lied and said I watched it. Here's an episode that's about childhood fantasy food grown-up chefs make for themselves. You can make anything you want. These are childhood fantasies. Tara 33:54 Okay. Dave 33:54 Lemon meringue pie. Green waffle sandwich, the green part, but otherwise it's just waffles. Sarah 33:57 What Dave 34:01 And cereal crusted stuffed French toast. These are not fever dreams of kids who want food. Sarah 34:07 No, no Dave 34:08 That is just you being boring. Tara 34:11 Well, I didn't go to the well own website. I went to Wikipedia to see the list of all shows ever broadcast on Own, which is why my choice is Benson! That's right. They used to show Benson. Sarah 34:21 Oh, this is Ben Sin. Tara 34:24 Brdo. Sarah 34:24 Oh my God. Dave 34:25 Soonetra's back. What's the sum of the things you own? Sarah. Sarah 34:30 Less than the whole, Dave. Dave 34:33 I'm guessing I own thousands of things, unless you count each staple separately, in which case I own tens of thousands of things. Torah. Tara 34:41 I mean, I hope it's less than what they're insured for 'cause we got a lot of stuff. Dave 34:45 Hmm. Following up on what's the sum of the things you own, MillSnack asks, who's the last person you pwned? The last two teams in the Battle Royale game, Apex Legends, it's hard as fuck to win that, especially when I play by myself against teams of two. But I fucking got to dropping these two teams and I was like throwing every fucking grenade in the game at them. Boom, boom, boom. They're just dying one by one. And then I throw down my jumping pad. And I jump over the lava canyon and I land with two guns like a fucking John Woo film and I killed a guy. Tara 35:17 Nice Dave 35:17 I got video of it. You're gonna see it in the show notes. You'll be like, oh damn, that guy got poned. Tara 35:21 Nice. It was Diatho a few weeks ago in this segment when he asked what I would sing on LipSync Battle, and I said, I wouldn't sing anything. It's a lip sync battle, Sarah. Sarah 35:33 Ew It was my husband with a joke that I've used before Tara 35:34 Yeah. Sarah 35:39 Forget how we got in this conversation with our neighbors, but we were talking about who was president when we were variously born we don't have like a the Nicholson's age difference in our marriage, but my husband's a bit older than me, so one of the neighbors was like to my husband, so Johnson was president when you were born, and I immediately was like, Andrew Johnson. This is a joke I've told before. The gift is in the timing. He's still getting mad. We've been together 14 years. Dave 36:09 That's pretty good Tara 36:09 That's awesome. Sarah 36:10 And I c I still dunk on him with this because it's a it's a good bit. It's a good bit. Dave 36:15 Following up from who's the last person you pawned, what's the last thing you pawned? I feel like we're getting ganged up on with these questions, but let's continue. Tara 36:23 Uh I've never pawned anything Dave 36:28 Yeah. How about something you pawn off on somebody? Tara 36:31 Oh mmm Oh okay then I d often if I'm heading out the door I will make you do something that I don't want to do like can you blend up those raspberries and put them in the ice tray? Dave 36:33 You can tackle it that way. Tara 36:42 I I'm leaving. I go I'm going to save the world. Dave 36:45 I gotta go. I I can do nothing with the food I needed to prep right now, but I need it prepped. Is that what you're saying? Tara 36:50 Yeah, Sarah Dave 36:51 Alright. Sarah 36:52 LT, first of all, thank you for the question, but we prefer the term consigned to the bulletproof glass community Actually, I've never pawned anything either, but I did uh sell on consignment some of my late mother-in-law's jewelry. Dave. Dave 37:06 I pawned off a bunch of yard stuff I've been procrastinating, throwing away for about three years on the landscaper that came to our house. Like, you like this? You want this stuff? He's like, Yeah. I'm like, alright, throw it in the truck I don't have to take it down to recycling center your side of Austin. Sarah 37:19 Nice Tara 37:20 Yep. Dave 37:21 Win. Moving on from what's the last thing you pawned, Cen asks, what is something you have that is mistaken for prawn? P-R-O-N Internet porn of the early 2000s. Tara 37:33 Mm. Dave 37:36 A lot of the cool retro magazines that Sarah D. Sarah 37:36 Yeah. Dave 37:38 Bunting finds in her travels and sends my way feels like they're fake covers you're supposed to put over porn magazines Sarah 37:45 They really do. Dave 37:46 They got I got bananas on TV, Workbenching, which sounds like a porn movie to itself, true detective stories, and places penises go, which is a surprising selection Tara 37:48 Yep. Oh yeah. Yep. Mm-hmm. Sarah 37:59 What? What do you mean? Tara 38:01 I own an issue of Playgirl with Mr. Brian Austin Green on the cover and inside. Not fully frontal, of course, but you know, in various silken pajamas. Dave 38:12 Yeah Sarah 38:14 I run a true crime specialty bookshop, and there are there's some unfortunate vening going on. That, uh including titles like Special Delivery Evil Beside Her, Daddy's Girl, Rope Burns, and Rubouts. Tara 38:28 Oh dear. Oh no, no, no. Sarah 38:31 Yeah, no. Dave 38:34 Hmm. Tara 38:35 Hmm Dave 38:35 What is something you have that is mistaken for prawns? Tara 38:41 I mean, you know, you'd have to be pretty dumb to mistake them for prawns, but Sandy has been trying to eat them. long green, like sort of caterpillar looking. Dave 38:52 Oh, it's the peacountry. Tara 38:55 Is it it's the pecan tree? Okay. They are all over our lawn. Dave 38:59 Yeah. Tara 38:59 It looks like it's infested with worms. And sh the dogs get them in their toes, so they track them in there all over the fucking house. There's one I bet there's yeah, there's two under my desk right now. Dave 39:12 Just leave him there in a few years we'll have a nice pequant tree. Sarah 39:15 Uh-huh. Mm, delicious. Tara 39:16 So I that's the best I could think of. They sort of look prawn-like, but yeah, really more like caterpillarish. Sarah. Sarah 39:23 We have a lot of lobster artwork in our house, so those are through pod cousins. Tara 39:26 Mm-hmm. Sarah 39:30 Dave. Dave 39:30 I would say the closest thing we have here that I would often mistake for a prawn is the Texas-sized cockroaches we get in our house about once every six months. Tara 39:38 Yeah, yeah, they are. Sarah 39:38 Oh yeah. Dave 39:39 They're big and they got all those legs and I don't want to be anywhere near them. Sarah 39:43 No, no. Dave 39:43 When we were watching Iron Chef Squid Battle and that guy was making that soup where every piece of seafood was in there and he's just throwing prawns in there I thought prawns were small like a shrimp. Tara 39:55 Mm-hmm. Dave 39:55 These prawns are like the fucking size of my arm. Tara 39:58 Yeah, they're big. Dave 39:59 Horrifying. Why isn't one of the monsters in Godzilla just a fucking prawn? They don't have to do anything to it. They don't have to give it laser eyes or anything like that. Tara 40:06 Mm-hmm. Dave 40:07 Just like, I'm a prawn, I'm even bigger. No, thank you. Sarah 40:10 Well, now that you've brought it up, yeah, they do. It needs it needs to be a laser eye prawn. Tara 40:15 Mm-hmm. Spoiler for an upcoming episode of the uh Extra Hot Great show. Dave 40:19 All prawn episode Tara 40:21 The All Prawn special Sarah 40:23 All prawns in basketball. Oh Dave 40:26 Finally. Tara 40:27 Mm-hmm. Dave 40:27 The prawns dribbling eight. Well, I don't know, whatever they got. Sarah 40:30 Uh-huh. Dave 40:30 Four, six, eight balls at the same time. And he dunks for sixteen points. Um Emma, last question. Thank God. What is something that makes your cat pur on? Sarah, really the only one too fully qualified to answer this. Sarah 40:47 Mm-hmm. Churu chicken and crab toppers. If you have cats and you're familiar with this brand, you know exactly what I mean. They will start purring from elsewhere in the house and then begin climbing my leg, whether I have full length pants on or not. Ouch. Dave 41:02 Well, no cats here, but if we can allow dogs momentarily, because I just did it this morning, if I scratch Nolton in a particular way on his butt Give him a good butt scratch. He doesn't have a tail, he's just got a nub because he's a cattle dog and somebody docked it. If you sort of just put your palm in your hand over the nub and move it around like it's a little joystick. Tara 41:21 Mm-hmm. Dave 41:21 Then he'll start making his weird noises. And then he starts squirming. He'll go on his back and just start going crazy and squirming. Sarah 41:31 No. Tara 41:31 Mm-hmm. Dave 41:32 Uh yeah, so there's that. Actually I like to change my answer to what sounds like porn to that answer there. Sarah 41:38 Yeah. Dave 41:38 Tar Sarah 41:38 I was I was thinking it. Tara 41:40 I don't have a cat, and I won't have a cat. Dave 41:43 All right. Shots fired. All right. Here comes your ask ass E H G question for you to answer this week. It comes from David T. Cole. That's me. What is something that answers as many of the questions posed this week at once? So you have an answer that applies to two, three, four, five, six, or somehow all of them? Tara 42:02 Mm-hmm. Dave 42:02 You put it in the chat and we'll be back soon with judgment on that one. Tara 42:06 Henry Kissinger, Dave 42:09 It is time for the tiny cannon. I will be presenting this week with the first of the tiny unskippable credits cannon pitches. I'm going to pitch you Pachinko season one opening credits as credits that are in fact unskippable. So if you're not aware, Pachinko is a non-linear timeline playing multi-generational story of Sunja's family spanning her years in rural Korea in the nineteen tens during the occupation up to the nineteen eighties where the family is now situated in Japan That is a very bird's eye view of the show. It is a great show. It is wonderfully crafted and framed, but it is also pretty brutal and depressing at times. And by times I mean most of the times. So perhaps for this reason, the creators created a small bomb for us, the viewer, in the form of the season one opening credits. Set to the grass roots, let's live for today. The sequence starts with a artful collection of historical period photographs and video mixed in with some faux ones with the characters, the cast members. Clip 43:16 I think of all the worries People seem to find and how they're in a hurry to complicate their minds by chasing after money and dreams that can't come true. Dave 43:23 sprinkled in there. And then once in a while, slowly they're mixing in these slow motion close-ups of brightly lit feet and arms and torsos and mid-dance. Clip 43:29 I'm glad That we are different, we've better things to do. May others plan the future. Dave 43:35 Right before the literal count up to the chorus, the one, two, three, four part of the song, where we see all the main characters just having a great time dancing in the very dreamy, creamy blue, red, and pinks. Clip 43:35 I'm busy loving you. One, two, three, four. Sha la la la lay for today Dave 43:49 of the family's pachinko parlor from the nineteen eighties storyline, the Grand New Vegas. The dancing is joyous Clip 43:55 Baby I got to have enough please please summer love baby give me some love give me some alone Dave 43:56 When you see the fact that the heel of season one is right in the mix with everybody else having fun, plus all three sunjas in there, the super young, the young, and the old sunjas. Clip 44:05 Oh you love in the summer I need all you love in the soul love that I need all you love Dave 44:07 They're all in there. There's some time crossover groupings there as well. Just feels like a real celebration of the show itself and enforces the family dynamics or rather it it enforces the strong family ties of the show. It's also just a nice start before the shit starts happening again. Clip 44:23 But today it's already tomorrow Dave 44:31 Uh and if I may, the tiny tiny cannon in this tiny cannon is the MVP of the credits, just after the one minute mark. You can see the MVP, the actress who plays the youngest Sunja at, I'm gonna guess four or five, doing a ser serious kinetic bop back and forth. If by that time the credits haven't hooked you and you're like, I need to watch this again, then you might be dead inside. So before I send this to you guys for commentary and a vote, pop quiz. Does anyone know the connection here between Pachinko and the US office? Sarah 45:08 No. Tara 45:09 Uh no. Dave 45:11 The actor who played Creed was in the grassroots. Tara 45:14 What oh, that's crazy. Dave 45:15 That's right. Sarah 45:15 Oh, yeah. Dave 45:17 Yep. Sarah 45:17 All right Tara 45:18 Huh. Dave 45:18 And that's one to grow on. Tara 45:19 Amazing. Dave 45:19 So that is my pitch for Pachinko season one credits. Of course, in this famous visual medium podcasting, you can't quite uh see what I am saying, but uh we'll put it in the show notes for you to watch if you haven't. Surety Bundy, what do you think? Sarah 45:32 Yeah, I think I should go first because I have less familiarity with the show. So I was kind of coming at this from an anthropological what's the argument gonna be here? standpoint. And I think the argument is good and made me want to investigate the show itself. I'm sure it was somewhere on the list, but the list stretches out to the horizon. Who fucking knows? Dave 45:53 It's a little easier to slip into your stream because you only want to watch one like m minimum a week, but maybe a month. Tara 45:58 At a time. Dave 46:01 Like it's really good and powerful, but it's a lot. Tara 46:01 Yeah. It's heavy, yeah Dave 46:05 It's very heavy. Sarah 46:05 You gotta yeah, okay. Dave 46:07 It putting heavy cream in your cereal. Tara 46:09 mm, yeah mm Dave 46:09 I think I'm done for a while. Sarah 46:11 Yeah uh huh With cream, cereal, things that are heavy. I like this remake of the song. Everyone's styling and especially their shoes were covetable. But there was something about the way it was shot and the rate of the slow motion for the dancing that was absolutely perfect in terms of making it compelling, even if you're not totally sure of the context and what you're watching Like there's something about the frame rate that just was exactly the right one and made it watchable and sort of studiable. I Don't know if that makes any sense and I don't know these terms, but I think there was a lot of intention in, especially after what Dave said about like crossing generations and timelines within the credits Dave 46:47 Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah. Sarah 46:59 with this very modern looking and seeming credits idea in a historical drama, I assume, is how you'd characterize it. So that was really cool to watch, and I am intrigued. Tara. Dave 47:13 Just one note. I'm pretty sure that's the original recording. Tara 47:15 It is. Dave 47:16 I don't think it's their cover. Tara 47:16 First of all, this credit sequence is so good. Dave 47:17 Yeah. Tara 47:19 The first time I forgot I was supposed to be paying attention to taking notes and I just watched it, so I had to watch it. twice. As often happens with me and musical or dance performances, it also made me tear up. And like Dave said The show is dark and even before you know anything about the show or the story, the use of the archival photos and footage interspersed with the dancers in the Pachinko parlor accuse you that you're, you know, what you're what is coming up, a story that's taking place in multiple time periods. And then once you have started watching and you know who all the characters are, it's lovely to see the ones who never actually know each other or live in the same time period having fun together. Like there's one shot where Kid Sunja is dancing with her son and grandson grown up in the last storyline, which is very cute Yeah, as Dave said, the show can be heavy. The sh characters are living through very tragic events, but the pachinko parlor of the credits gets to be this like magical space where the characters can experience joy together the way they can't in life. And the song slaps. It's a known needle drop, but it has not been played out on screen, I don't feel. My only criticism is that the production slightly edits the song to shorten bars between lyrics in a way that is like nails on a chalkboard for me with any songs I know in TV or movies. I'm not a crackbot. There was a recent example of this in um The Boys season five where they play an absolutely hacked up Never Tear Us Apart by NXS. Dave 48:43 Oh yeah. Tara 48:44 By the end of it I was like, turn it off. Dave 48:45 You were really bad. Tara 48:46 Like it's so it was so strange. Dave 48:46 Yeah. I was like, I'm leaving the room until you calm down. Tara 48:50 Yeah, well I watched the season two credits after this. They're also very good, not just for Anna Sawai's bouncing and behaving 80s hair, but Season one sets a very high bar that I don't think the season two credits quite surpassed, even though it incorporates more of the characters. Dave 49:02 Yeah. Tara 49:07 And the s the season one it's like truly just people in this family. That's it. And people who have, you know, been parents to other people in the family, even if they were not officially part of it, like the heel of season one, as you said. Dave 49:18 Fine Tara 49:20 And then season two sort of opens it up more to like in-laws and Anna Sawai gets to show up and she's like a girlfriend and so forth. So it's, you know, it's more expansive, but it it doesn't have the same frison as this one. So great choice, Dave. Dave 49:32 Yep. Thank you. Alright, let's make this official. Sarah D. Bunting. What say you for the unskippable credits? Candle worthy or not. Sarah 49:39 I say yay Dave 49:40 And Tara. Tara 49:41 Of course, yay Dave 49:43 Alright, so Pachenko Season 1 opening credits. You are hereby inducted into the extra hot, great, tiny, unskippable credits canon. Clip 49:55 Americans love a winner. Yeah. And will not tolerate a loser. Nope. Dave 50:01 It is time to discover our not quite winners and losers of the week. Here is my not quite winner. It is the Phantom. Tara 50:08 As soon as I put it in, I knew you were gonna pick it. Sarah 50:11 Mm mm mm mm Dave 50:11 It's getting a live-action TV series. Oh boy. The Phantom, if you don't know, is a comic book in which the Phantom is a title passed on from father to son over like 400 years now. They do this to create the impression of like an immortal superhero figure for justice that you must fear evildoers. And I don't know anything about this show yet. It's very early, but if the father is not Billy Zane, Tara 50:36 Seriously. Dave 50:37 Then what are we doing here? Tara 50:38 Yeah Dave 50:38 And I need him to implore his son, the new Phantom, to slam evil once every ten minutes at minimum. Tara 50:45 Yeah, thank you. Dave 50:46 Or again, what are we doing here? Tara 50:47 Mm-hmm Dave 50:48 I've never- I don't know if I've ever seen the Phantom. I only know the Phantom from the poster, Slam Evil. Tara 50:53 No, we watched it. Dave 50:54 Did we? Tara 50:54 Yep. Dave 50:54 Okay. Did they Slam Evil? Tara 50:55 Oh yeah. Dave 50:56 Okay, great. Not quite loser of the week is Saturday Night Live UK. It drew 86 million views on social media, while the TV show viewing dropped by like a third. Which so this is what I don't get about this type of show like sketch talk show things like at midnight it doesn't seem like buzzy content Sarah 51:10 Yeah. Dave 51:18 translates into ad dollars for anybody, even if you factor in like the YouTube money you make off those 86 million views, it's not broadcast TV money or, you know, cable TV money. Especially when you're paying for all the production while some fourteen year old is making four times as much as you are unboxing loop box shit on their channel. Tara 51:38 Yeah Dave 51:39 I I doubt the motivations for like Colbert, you know, the official lines like, well, it's not working out. But also I do believe that it's not working out financially for all this sort of stuff because There is a giant demographic of their that will just simply never watch your show and will just watch the clips. There is no incentive great enough to make them dedicate an hour of their lives to watch this. Like You're thinking of it as promotion for your actual show? No, this is where it stops. Tara 52:06 Right. Dave 52:06 The train stops at the 30-second clip on internet. So if you're not making that, you're wasting money. Yeah, so I don't know. I think all these shows are they got limited shelf life unless they could figure out the money part. Sarah 52:17 Doomed, yeah. Tara 52:19 I mean the th I think the thing that has replaced them we've talked about this before is like interview podcasts, especially now that more of them are moving to video. So someone will figure it out, figure out a way to straddle both worlds, but they certainly have not gotten there yet, still doing things the old way. Dave 52:34 Yeah. Yeah, it's weird. It's a weird transitional time. Alright, Sarah D. Bunting, not quite winner. Sarah 52:39 It's the people who have Frenched Reese Witherspoon in a professional or personal capacity edition Tara 52:46 Hey, I'm not sure what I'm saying. Sarah 52:47 I was pretty proud of myself for uh for closing that Tesseract. Um anyway, our not quite winner is Ryan Philippi, who will be joining the 911 Nashville cast. next season as a quote bad boy detective with a past. Uh hope you're gonna get that done in the writing, cause it's not happening in the face. Sorry Tara 53:07 Yeah. Sarah 53:08 And my not quite loser is Paradise, which has added Juliana Margolis for season three. Please make her hiring conditional on her admitting what happened between her and Archie Punjabi. Thank you. I am not a crackpot. Tara 53:20 Oh, I thought you were gonna say I'm retracting some of her political opinions. Sarah 53:25 No, I mean, yeah, that first. Tara 53:28 Mm-hmm. Sarah 53:28 Tara Tara 53:29 My not quite winner of the week is I mean, all of us truly, everyone exhale. The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives has resumed production after pausing for one of its stars, Taylor Frankie Paul, to be investigated on domestic violence charges. Those charges were eventually dropped. There has been speculation that she will not be back on the show that she has sort of refuted, although, you know, just because she said she's not, doesn't mean she couldn't still get fired. Who knows? She certainly got fired from The Bachelorette, got the whole season fired. So I guess watch this space and my Dave 54:02 Wait, hang on. The title of that sounds like to me, I'm assuming, something like Chicago or West Side Story. That scene where they're not quite singing, but they're singing a little bit where they're saying things like this. Tara 54:14 Yeah. Dave 54:14 They're saying things like this. The secret lives of Mormon wives. The secret lies of Mormon lives. And then they just start jumping around. Tara 54:22 Mm-hmm. Did you are you thinking of West Side Story or Chicago, or are you thinking of the Clone High episode where everyone's like, Did you hear? Did you hear? Gondas ADD. Dave 54:30 No, it's more whisperier than that. Tara 54:31 Mm-hmm. Don't tell Paul Revere. Dave 54:33 Here's the thing. Don't tell Paul Ruby. Okay, fine. Tara 54:37 Too late. I'm a not quite loser of the week. It's believe it or not, more bad fans on the internet This time it's fans of Taylor Swift, who apparently made I Love LA star Josh Hutcherson's life absolute hell after he said he didn't love her music and just turned into a backlash against him where he was like, This is why I don't want to be on the internet. Sarah 54:45 Mm, what? Tara 54:59 Sir, good call. You shouldn't be. Sarah 55:02 I yeah. Tara 55:02 Probably almost no one should. Sarah 55:04 But also, how do you not know at this point in cultural history just to punt on a question of like, I love T Swift next fucking question. Tara 55:11 I don't know. Sarah 55:13 Like don't do that. Tara 55:14 Mm-hmm. Don't blame the victim. Sarah 55:16 I will. Thank you. Kim 55:21 Hi, this is Kim Reed, and welcome to the most awesome thing I saw on TV last month. Last month I watched Battle of the Network Stars, episode number one from nineteen seventy-six. If you somehow missed out on the magic of Battle of the Network Stars, what happened was there were only three actual networks back then, ABC, CBS, and NBC And they all had hit shows with attractive people, and this was before Survivor of the Challenge or whatever, so they decided to have those attractive people compete. Like it's your middle school field days. And I weirdly remember these type of events being really popular in nineteen seventy-six due to the bicentennial. Like one time my mom was in an egg toss with her friend Grace, and then later that night there were fireworks. So anyway, the show starts out with a really weird skit with the three team captains who are Telly Savalas, aka TV's Kojak Bob Conrad from the Knock the Battery Off My Shoulder commercial and Gabe Kaplan, aka Mr. Cotter. And there's something about the team captains like calling each other and setting up this competition and there's like a flotilla of limos going down one of the California highways. I guess. I don't know. I wasn't paying that much attention. It was all pretty dumb. But then they get to the first competition, which is swimming, and each person has to swim one length of the pool, except for the anchor leg who has to swim two lengths. And we all loved competitive swimming in nineteen seventy six, because of Mark Spitz, I guess. That's the only explanation for why all the men wear speedos. Real standouts in the swimming include Karen Ma Ingalls Grassley, along with Wonder Woman, Linda Carter, Little Melissa Sue, Mary Ingalls, Anderson. Mackenzie Phillips and the big anchor link winner for his network was Tim Matheson, who was like twenty eight but looks like he just came off the set of Animal House Robert Hedgey's AKA Epstein from Welcome Back Cotter totally lost it for his team, and announcer Howard Kosell did not spare him from any of the blame. Like the whole leg he's going and Robert Hedgey's a huge flop, just losing it for his team like Jeff Probes could never. Anyway, then Howard Cosell interviews Tim Matheson and says he's like a cut rate Chevy Chase, basically, which rude, but also kinda true Then there's a super pervy, like, five minute segment on Linda Carter and what she does to stay in shape. According to this, it's Weird Stretches with her male personal trainer, where she like puts her leg on his shoulder while wearing a leotard And then she gets in a harness and does like flips and stuff and ballet jumps and it's all accompanied by a creepy Howard Cosell voiceover. Is there any other kind? And then at one point they put her heightened weight on the screen for what reason? This is a direct quote after Howard Cosell details how Linda Carter has to be up at 5 AM and doesn't get out of work until 8 PM And then he's like, but there's a tendency with that body and that face to view her as just another pretty face with just another magnificent body. Like, what, Howard? What are we doing? Gross. I mean, she looks great, don't get me wrong, but can you imagine? Is it any wonder that Linda Carter is always posting like super progressive and feminist shit on social media these days? Next up is a running relay and the participants have to learn how to pass a baton and there's a whole lot of mugging and pretending to fall and nonsense like that And then the race happens, and one thing I learned from watching this race is that in the 70s, probably due to lack of physical training, people were not athletic and they all ran weird. Also, none of them really got the concept that when you're waiting for the baton, you should start running so that the transfer of the baton happens when you're both in motion instead of just trying to start from a standing start. It's a tight battle at the end between Richard Hatch from Battlestar Galactica, not the Survivor Guy, and some hunk whose name I don't even remember and I'd never heard of the show he was on either, and that guy wins. But then comes probably the most famous part of this edition of Battle of the Network Stars, and please keep in mind for this whole segment that it becomes increasingly clear how disorganized this whole situation is. Like they somehow thought they could put a bunch of big egos with middling athletic ability. into competition and everything would just work out great and no need for any producers or anything to be involved. So it starts when Tali Savallis makes an issue because he says that for the last leg when the winning team, NBC, passed the baton Their anchor guy, that unknown hunk, got the baton like way early, and thus their fastest person was running for a greater amount of time. I guess Also in the penultimate leg, a woman got the baton from Robert Conrad and he totally knocked her down and then had to like pick her up. So their whole race was just a shit show But then Bob Conrad, who's captain of the NBC team, starts a fight with Telly Savalis, captain of the CBS team, and neither of them makes any sense. Gabe Kaplan is just standing there, he's the head of ABC and he's got no horse in this race because his team came in dead last And then Bob Conrad says that Telly Savalas is Greek and they started the Olympics, but then Gabe Kaplan is Jewish, so he wants to negotiate, which what is happening? And then Bob Conrad says I'm German and I want to kill both of them. Is this too soon after World War II to make that joke? I think it is. I think it's still too soon today. So then Howard Cosell interviews the lady who got knocked down and she just keeps saying, What is the hullabaloo? which is fantastic And then they keep showing an instant replay where it's very clear that the anchor guy ran back like, I don't know, five yards to pick up the baton early. So then the director of competition comes out and you're like finally someone in charge who will settle things. And he says they've reviewed the tape And they're gonna flip the top two because that one guy did have an advantage by getting the baton early, and his team wouldn't have won otherwise. And you'd think since this is a dumb show and who cares that everyone would give up, but you'd be wrong. Also this whole time this guy's giving his speech to Howard Cosell, Tally Stavallis is standing right behind him smoking, like just ripping a dart. Like it's an athletic competition, but Telly's gonna take a smoke break, and I love that for him. So then Bob Conray decides that he's not gonna take this lying down, I guess. And he just starts yelling at the director of competition about how it's not fair that his team got disqualified. And the director's like, you didn't get disqualified And he's like, we'll do a runoff right now. We'll do a tug of war, which for what, dude? Just take second place. But then I read on Wikipedia that each person on the first place team got twenty thousand dollars And that's in 1976 money, so I guess it kinda does matter. So Bob Condre just starts going, like how, like how, like he's really heated. Or maybe he's just a really good actor, I don't know, but he seems pretty mad. He's also ripping a dart in between yelling, Like how and then Richard Hatch comes over and tries to appease Bob and Bob is not having it. And then he starts going into how they changed the rules because CBS wanted to have something and his team wanted to have dead starts. And then he says dead starts like twenty-five more times. And Gabe Kaplan's just standing there laughing because what is even happening right now? And Bob Conrad says, You're the captain to Gabe Kaplan. Do you just want to run 100 yards right now to see who wins? And Gabe Kaplan's like, yeah, dude, let's go. You're like a hundred and seven and a smoker. Let's do it. Do you want to finish your cigarette first? And then Farah Fawcett is suddenly there and she's like saying they have to run the whole race, not just a hundred yards And then all the teams are huddling up and like discussing how this should be settled. And honestly, could someone just make a decision? Like why do the teams get to decide this? But then before anything gets decided, there's this weird interstitial where Rhoda Barrett, noted gossip colonist gives the backstory on each celebrity, and I think they dropped these after this season, because this is a whole bunch of garbage. Although she does say that one time a mutual friend of hers and Bob Conrad's died. And Bob Conrad came over to her house very early one morning and they sat and drank coffee and cried together for 12 hours, which is like the weirdest thing I've ever heard. Anyway, finally they have the runoff between Bob Conrad and Gabe Kaplan. And Bob Conrad is taking it so seriously, like he's down in the starting blocks, like he's running the hundred at the Olympics or something. And Gabe Kaplan is just sort of like loosely standing there, and then they start and then Gabe Kaplan smokes. him and Bob Conrad loses and I'm shocked that he didn't fake pulling a hammy and limp off. Ben Howard gives us a quick recap of the tennis event, which why are they having events but not showing them on TV? Not that I wanted to watch the tennis event, but Isn't the whole point of this to see celebrities compete in these challenges? So why have them do the challenge, but then we don't see it? Then there's a golf competition, which also who cares, and then Howard Cosell interviews Farah Fawcett Majors And he's asking her about her marriage to Lee Majors, and then he says that her husband Lee Majors is a major sex symbol. And Farrah Fawcett, with her commercials and such, is also a major sex symbol. And Howard knows Lee Majors, and he's all man. So he wants to know how does Lee feel about Ferris commercials? And the whole thing is just so creepy, and if any of today's youth want to complain about sexism, which they should, they should also watch this show to see how far we've come at least Then there's an astonishing display of athleticism, which is the dump take. Just kidding. It's a bunch of people lobbing a ball at a target, sometimes hitting it, sometimes not. But no one ever gets dunked, so who cares, and they must have adjusted the target in future seasons, because I feel like I definitely remember people getting dunked all the time. And just to keep the creepiness fair, Howard Cosell does refer to one of the male contestants as beautifully built My all-time favorite is up next, the obstacle course. And I could give you a hundred guesses and you would not guess who they got to demonstrate the obstacle course. Just take a second and think of the wildest possible characters. It's the cowardly lion, the tin man, and the scarecrow from The Wizard of Oz. Why? No one knows. Was it helpful? It wasn't. Did I rewind it and watch it again? I did. Anyway, Penny Marshall kills it on the obstacle course, 'cause she's awesome, and Richard Hatch kills it for the men, and Howard Cosell keeps calling him Dick Hatch, and it's very upsetting. Anyway, then they have a tug of war, and it's very anticlimactic and slow and takes a really long time and is boring And they really should just finish with the obstacle course, because that's the best part. Anyway, ABC One and the whole thing's available on YouTube, and that's the most awesome thing I saw on TV last month. Tara 01:04:34 Today's extra credit called Exciting and New Casting for the Love Boat. It comes to us from Damon. Damon writes You won the seafaring lottery and get to cast an episode of the Love Boat. Who are the couples and what are the A, B, and C plots? I'll start us off. It was really hard not to just use the same people who guest starred on either Fox's Fantasy Island sequel or Doctor Odyssey, since that's almost exactly the same fame level I think we could see in a hypothetical contemporary Love Boat, but here we go. Mine is an especially star-studded season finale. NRA plot Stephen, Doug Savant, and Janine, Laura Leighton, have had such an amicable divorce that not only are they happy to run into each other on the ship, but they're determined to find one another new partners to have an on-deck fling with. Sarah 01:05:17 Yeah. Tara 01:05:26 Could it be the reason neither of them clicks with any prospects is they'd most like to rekindle something with each other? Before they figure that out, the people thrown at them include Jonathan Silverman, Shamar Moore, Grant Shod, that's miles from Murphy Brown. Tiffany Thiessen, Melora Walters, the love interest of John C. Riley from Magnolia, and Eva LaRue from CSI Miami. In our B plot, Gopher, Adam Brody, is shocked when his ex-girlfriend Melinda, Katie Holmes, shows up with her wife Lily, Kat Graham, and a big favor to ask, will Gopher donate his sperm so they can start a family? Through flashbacks, we see Gopher remember his relationship with Melinda and how he thought they might be headed for marriage and parenthood themselves, but as his recollections arrive at the end of their time together, he realizes He could never have made her truly happy and agrees to the request. Very mature, gopher. In our C plot, Maggie, Kelly Marie-Tran, and Tim Josh Sagara arrive on the ship with a scandalous plan to spice up their marriage by finding a third to fool around with on their anniversary vacation. Unfortunately, nothing Captain Stootbing says we'll convince them they are barking up the wrong tree Ultimately the captain has to convince them he's in a monogamous relationship with Julie, your cruise director, Gabrielle Union, to get Maggie and Tim off his back. Thank you. Sarah, why don't you go next? Sarah 01:06:56 And his front. That was wonderful. And uh now I feel slightly less self-conscious about having way overthought this. Tara 01:07:03 Oh, good Sarah 01:07:04 I also hope that it's okay that I ported the B and C plots over entire from other shows, including the cast. But that's what happened. And uh so let's proceed. The C plot is Drea Gonzalez from Primo, Christina Videl, winning a cruise package for two at the bank where Ryan, Carlos Santos, works. Ryan assumes Drea is going to bring him because she wanted at the bank and because he can use this crews to network, but Rafa, Ignacio Diaz Silverio, and all the uncles, each thinking he should be the one to come along. leads to the entire clan showing up at the dock, most of them in their own suitcases, and each one finding a way to come and stay aboard the ship until the princess pulls away. At which time it's either stuff the whole family into Drea's stateroom and find a way to feed the fam without arousing suspicion Or go to boat jail, which Roly, Johnny Ray Diaz, just proactively does when he finds out that you get the same food as the rest of the ship and there's a porthole to look out of. The B-plot crosses over with Roley somewhat because Neil Caffrey, Matt Bomer, and Peter Burke, Tim McKay, from White Collar, are also on board the Princess trying to stymie a heist of the onboard casino by a notorious cruise pirate, the feds have codenamed Donny Ocean. This goes about as smoothly as you'd expect In a loaf boat episode, but does allow viewers some shirtless deck bomer and McKay if you're into that, which I very much am. and the occasional interstitial look at Rolly and Mozzie, Willie Garson, R. A. P. , wordlessly playing cribbage and enjoying a cheese board in boatjail. Our A-plot is less wah wah and more wheh. It's busy Phillips and Michelle Williams as Lizzie and Rochelle, respectively, basically playing themselves, they are besties, taking a naps and snacks, friend Cation, after the death of Rochelle's partner. who was also Lizzie's brother. What is supposed to be a restorative few days takes little time to decompensate, as it's clear Rochelle let herself get talked into, quote, meeting this cruise by Lizzie when it's Lizzie who feels isolated from Rachel in her grief and offended when Rochelle tries to take no stakes flirting with Mondo Gonzalez, a frame via, in order to score an edible An ugly cry knockdown drag out ensues at the blackjack table, freezing everyone in the casino, including Donny Ocean, Michael and Pirioli. who is obliged to stash his take inside a seafood tower and hope nobody finds it. Of course that does not work out for him. But the credits button is Mondo and Rochelle enjoying some munchies shrimp and getting a delightful surprise when Mondo almost eats a Hundo that he just dipped in cocktail sauce. Tara 01:09:58 Thank you. I can't believe you said boat jail a number of times and when you could have said the brig. Sarah 01:10:04 Oh, I could have. Tara 01:10:06 Dave, ajá Sarah 01:10:06 But I didn't Dave 01:10:07 So when you read the titles of Love Boat episodes, it's all three segments together. So this episode is called Boat Love Boat. Beatty Beattie Beattie Be Mine. It's coming from 17D. Tara 01:10:22 Excellent. Sarah 01:10:23 Mm-hmm. Dave 01:10:23 So boat love boat. The boat, the Odyssey, pulls up next to the Pacific Princess during threesome week. Tara 01:10:30 Go Dave 01:10:30 While the Odyssey puts this moves on Loveboat, things threaten to get a little too spicy when the SS Minnow, Thunder from Thunder in Paradise, Jenny the Shrimp Boat from Forrest Gump, the Orca the Stewats, the lifeboat from Life of Pi, including the Tiger, and Jabba Sail Barge all converge from some sexy sea vessel action. Sarah 01:10:51 Oh my god Tara 01:10:53 Wow Sarah 01:10:54 Oh boy Dave 01:10:56 In the Satan segment, Beatty Beatty Beatty Mine, when a lost Cylon in need of understanding and a guiding hand beats Buck Rogers' know-it-all giant neck pendant, Dr. Theopolis. It seems like a mash made in heaven. Except Doctor Theo is good with numbers, but he's bad at wooing. He ropes in the diminutive robot Tweaky around whose neck he lives To like sereno up this whole situation. Tara 01:11:23 Mm-hmm. Dave 01:11:23 The Cylon falls in love with Dr. Theo, but when it finds out it was tweaky all along, the Cylon sells Dr. Theopolis to Job of the Hutt, who's still hanging around on a sale barge. Tara 01:11:31 dva Dave 01:11:33 And Job of the Hutt looks dope as shit with his new Flavor Flaves smart device around his neck. He puts on a giant hut-sized bucket hat. He's like fucking great now. Also, Tweaky, basically, if a look at him, is a giant metal penis, so that works out for them too Sarah 01:11:48 Mm-hmm. That's true. Dave 01:11:50 The last segment is it's coming from 17D. It's just 20 minutes of people trying to figure out what the hell is happening in the room 17D. Because in that room is Robin Williams and the Incredible Hulk, and all they hear is this. Uh somehow that took me almost two hours to come over that. That is it for another episode of Extra Extra Hot Great. We solved the case of the robot and boy genius episode of Columbo before answering your burning ass EHG questions, like What something you own. Dave dances way into a tiny can of victory for Pachinko's unskippable credits. We celebrated those who weren't quite the best and worst of the week and wrapped it all up with three exciting and new Love Boat episode pitches. Next up is running point on EHG Prime and not turning point, which I originally wrote down thinking that doesn't seem right. Tara 01:13:00 No. Mm-mm Dave 01:13:02 Why does that seem so wrong? And then I figured it out. Remember Clip 01:13:07 We're listening. Dave 01:13:10 Although they got a lot of good ideas. I am David T. Cole, and on behalf of. Running point. The basketball people. They got a lot of good basketball strategy. Tara 01:13:19 Yeah, yep Dave 01:13:20 Once again, we've turned into a basketball podcast on behalf of Tara Ariano. Sarah 01:13:22 Thank God. Tara 01:13:23 It's also running point, not oh no, I screwed it up. Running it's running point, not running point. Dave 01:13:30 We're all doing a great job. Tara 01:13:32 So early. Dave 01:13:32 Sarah, do you want to even bother or you just want to like tap out to play it safe? Tara 01:13:36 Thanks for game time, Dave! Sarah 01:13:36 Uh no, I had your methodology fascinates me ready to go, and uh it still holds after this, whatever this was. Dave 01:13:45 Thank you, Sarah, for bringing your A game to the end of the show. We'll see you next time. The music's long gone. This is so awkward. We'll see you next time right here on Extra, Extra Hot Great. Clip 01:14:00 This is Extra Hot Great Minis. Today's topic is Important TV wristwatches. This topic comes uh to us from the fevered brain of yours truly. Bunsey, uh I thought we would talk about the best arm clocks on the idiot box. Uh if you have listened to this ever or I gotta pick, I wanna pick Michael Knight You know that I will be ignoring Dave. Dave Night Rider. Damn it. But To allow Dave to expand on this slash storm out of the room and slam the door again as he did on yesterday's podcast, I will move on to my honorable mention One, Randy Jackson. The only thing he does well is accessorize. He does it like a mofo, so In honor of Randy Jackson's giant wristwatch Aztec sundial as each one the size of a spinning rim hub cap. It anchors the Earth and keeps it from flying out into space. Correct. Um Sarah, do please talk about Michael Knight. I knew that was your choice. It is actually not my choice, but I just wanted to get that in there. Um he can summon a black transam with his watch. There's really not that much of it. Have you ever seen a close-up of it? Of the actual watch? Probably go um if you're interested in seeing it, because I there's a Samsung commercial from last year that was like all famous pop culture fancy watches. Yes. Yeah, and they have like a real close-up of it. It's basically like a 1982 Casio digital watch with just like a sticker over it that says car. Yeah. That's pretty awesome. I actually used to have a Knight Rider watch that was like it was kit on the watch and then you did the red thing? Did it do the They had like an LED that went back and forth? No, no, it was m much cheaper than that. Uh and I think they weren't actually allowed to call it night rider. It was like you know, night ride watch. Black nightcar But you could flip the car up and then there would just be like a little digital watch under there. That's adorable. Who's next? Joe. Okay, so um I'm gonna come clean and say that I fucked this one up. Um I was certain that I had a really good one because I was gonna be like, oh, the watch on friends that Joey gives Chandler, except it's really ostentatious and it's awful, and Chandler hates it, and he says he hates it, and Joey hears him, and they're in a huge fight. And then I realized this morning that it was not a wristwatch, but it was a bracelet. Yep. So um I guess like Inspector Gadget question mark, but I'm kind of sticking with the bracelet because I was so amused and I was so like, oh, I was rare and ago. I was like, this is gonna be the Best one. Nope. It was a bracelet. Well I'll go next because mine was actually Inspector Gadget's one. Well then you talk about Inspector Gadget. Yes. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Where she was like, which he had cool stuff. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, and he had Penny in the brain to help him. Exactly. And the way he summoned most of his cool stuff was with his watch. So it was a conduit for all those you know, fun gadget. So even though the watch itself was unimpressive, it didn't actually didn't have the time on it. It just was three bucks. So it was really more of a console. Right. But they called it a watch. So let's go with that one. Tar Mine is the smart from the Clovis episode of Veep. Uh the smart watch that's actually not smart. You're supposed to be able to use it, I guess, more or less like Siri and like just speak your search request, but it works horribly. And is a dumb idea, much like that Samsung phone watch idea, like the only thing people like doing less in 2013 than actually talking on the phone is wearing a wristwatch. So why not combine those two dumb ideas to one thing no one will buy? So congratulations to Veeep for uh parodying that really dumb idea, uh, the smarts.