Giving Notes On Wonder Man

Dave: [0:23] This is the extra extra hot great podcast episode 393 for the january 31st 2026 weekend, i am port-a-potty explosion on the set of the rookie david t cole and i'm here with actor bullshit, Sarah D. Bunting. Sarah: [0:44] No, seriously, do not call us. Dave: [0:46] And tolerant first AD, Tara Arellano. Tara: [0:49] Sure, we can try that. Tara: [0:57] Welcome to Extra, Extra Hot Great for another weekend. Thank you, new listeners, for joining us here in the club. We're delighted to have you to talk about Wonder Man, in which Simon Williams, Yaya Abdul-Mateen II, is having a hard time breaking into acting. He's lived in Los Angeles for eight years and has representation at a legitimate agency. But when he does get booked, even for a one-line role on the likes of American Horror Story, he brings such cringely elaborate actorly process to the gig that he ends up sabotaging himself. Tara: [1:34] Then he has a chance meeting with Trevor Slattery, Ben Kingsley, known to some as the Mandarin, his best ever role as an international terrorist, which is from the Iron Man movies years ago. Trevor tips Simon to a new Wonder Man movie currently casting with an Oscar-winning director attached. Since Wonder Man happens to be Simon's most beloved superhero ever, he finagles his way into an audition, but the chance meeting with Trevor is, it turns out, a cover for something much bigger even than a superhero movie. Limited series under the Marvel Spotlight banner is adapted from the Wonder Man comic book character by Destin Daniel Cretton, who previously directed both Shang-Chi and The Legend of the Ten Rings, and before that, the, heartbreaking foster care drama Short Term 12, you can go ahead and guess which I thought was a more important piece of art and Andrew Guest whose credits included comedies like 30 Rock and Brooklyn Nine-Nine before Marvel's Bottomless Chum Bucket claimed him via Hawkeye just kidding, Hawkeye was actually in the top 5% of Marvel shows until we found out Jeremy Renner was a pig, allegedly, but I digress all eight episodes dropped on Disney Plus Tuesday, we may talk about events for many of them, let's do the Chen check-in That's been our Wonder Man segment. Dave: [2:47] I'm going to move on. Tara: [2:49] Check it. Sarah, should our listeners watch Wonder Man? Sarah: [2:52] Oh, caffeinated Tara, ladies and gentlemen. Yes, I liked it a lot. Tara: [2:57] Dave. Dave: [2:58] I also enjoyed it. It is the best story of a man who is never getting his security deposit back. Tara: [3:05] Yeah, I actually thought this was the best of all of the Marvel shows I have watched to the end. And yet, here's my first comment. I still think it would have made a better movie. There was a lot of stuff in those eight episodes that could have been condensed down to a pretty decent two-hour movie, I thought. Dave, you're nodding. You agree. Dave: [3:26] I think we'll never know whether a Marvel project truly started out as a TV show or a movie. I just think that information is locked in the Secret Spices Coca-Cola formula vault. It's a coin toss. It started as a movie and it expanded into a series. Was there always a series that just happened to be two hours worth of material? kind of thing. Tara: [3:47] Yeah. Dave: [3:48] It's not as egregious as a lot of these, but certainly I could, in my mind, picture it as a movie, certainly because halfway through, we get a full tangent episode that just could have been pulled out of the series whole cloth. Tara: [4:01] Or just as like a segment, like, you know, remember in Orson's Eleven, where you hear retold the previous heists in Vegas? That whole half hour episode could have been that, you know, 45 seconds segment. Dave: [4:14] Yeah. Yeah, we're referring to an episode called Doorman, which is basically explaining a policy in Hollywood. Tara: [4:22] Yeah, they seed it in the first episode. Like, you know, you got to side the Doorman clause unless you have superpowers. Ha ha. And he's like, no. And then episode four explains. What the door, how it came to be. Dave: [4:34] Not that that was uninteresting. Tara: [4:36] No, it was good. Dave: [4:37] But it just didn't need to be here. What that would have been good as, this is a bad comparison because I don't really like these things, but there is a Star Wars series called Tales of the X. Really good ones back in the day that were books, but now they're like little animations on Disney Plus. Tales of the Jedi, Tales of the Bad Guys, Tales of the Robots in the Corners. Tales of superheroes Heroes you've never heard of in the Marvel universe. That as an MCU anthology show, do six episodes. That would have been one of them. Great. Here, I would have lifted it out, but I'm not like super mad it was there because it was semi-interesting. Tara: [5:14] Yeah. Sarah, this is not usually your gig. Do you think it was fine as a series or do you agree that what you saw of it could have been condensed? Yeah. Sarah: [5:25] It wasn't slow or laggy. It was just like not essential. But the thing is that Wonder Man only goes, so to say, because of the two leads. And when they're hanging out, that also served only murders a little bit or oceans, honestly, or like any sort of heisty thing. But like then with also actor bullshit, like I don't really know how to describe it. but like it's a hangout comedy Marvel thing. Dave: [5:57] This is sort of like the MCU studio, the MCU, the player, except a little more about the actor instead of higher ups. Tara: [6:04] Yeah, I thought the studio. Dave: [6:06] Yeah, studio is a good comp. Sarah: [6:08] Yeah. Dave: [6:08] And this series lives or die by the two leads being together. They have great chemistry and I thought all those scenes were great. I enjoyed watching it. All the foo-froo around it with the Department of Superhero correctional mind powers or whatever it was damage control damage control thank you you know who cares right that's just a little dressing on the side to marvel it up a little bit like this easily could have been a non-marvel thing you know it is the least marvel-y and yeah exactly that's why i think i'm at this point at this point In my Marvel journey, that works for me. Tara: [6:44] Yeah. Sarah: [6:44] Yeah. It had things that it could have done that the boys also sort of nods at, but it has different motivations and more reigning gibbets in that universe. And it's really talking more about the political implications of super powered people. But this had an opportunity to look at how that would work in the company town. Of Hollywood and kind of does that. I mean, it's interesting that it brought to mind so many properties that do sort of parallel or analogous things, but I didn't feel that it was derivative or superfluous. I just kind of felt like it was maybe taking its time too much, possibly because they knew full well, we get one crack at Wonder Man and then they're reshelving this because somebody lost a bet. And I mean, under the circumstances, it turned out really well. I am almost never expecting anything from these shows. And that's part of it, too. Lowered expectations, but this exceeded them. The actors are extremely charming together and singly. Dave: [7:52] Yeah. Speaking about expectations, I didn't realize Ben Kingsley had a co-lead role in this going in. I just thought he was going to be sort of more of a cameo. And he is. He's like sharing everything. And those two together were really fun. So I think that helped a lot. Who do you think is the worst method actor, Simon Williams or Jared Leto? Tara: [8:15] Well, I mean, who would you. Dave: [8:17] Okay. Two, two part question. Who would you rather act with? Who would you rather see on set have a actor meltdown? Like you're just a guy giving coffee. Tara: [8:27] Well, once you get through all of the ideas that Simon has brought to his one page of a script, it might be time to leave. So that would be frustrating. Be very like, we're all out at five in that episode or the other two. But, you know, Jared Leto's not getting fired. He's climbed the fame ladder so that he can do that shit safely. I mean, Sarah, you were the student of actor bullshit. What do you think? Sarah: [8:52] It's literally happening one floor down from me right now. Tara: [8:55] Bear booked? Nice. Sarah: [8:56] Yeah, he did. He's playing a cub. I get why actors are like this. I make fun of it. But when I see it happening, I understand that this is part of the process sometimes. But I think I would rather act with Simon Williams because it would just be like, all right, this is him and just go with it. Do your nails while he's getting fired by the first AD. But I would definitely rather watch Jared Leto have a meltdown because A, he's not going to get fired. And B, that's mid four figures from TMZ for the footage on my phone. Tara: [9:33] That's a great point. Yeah, I agree with Sarah. Dave: [9:35] One of the other just random observations, because the whole series starts with a young Simon Williams watching an 80s Wonder Man movie at a retro theater house with his dad. And that rendering of Wonder Man, it was supposed to be in the 80s, it looked more 70s to me, but I just was laughing because some of the effects inside of what's supposed to be that era are too good. And I was thinking, why are they too, like, why didn't they nail this? It's like, oh, yeah, everybody responsible for special effects in Marvel, they are no older than 35. Therefore, they don't really appreciate that they're not doing it quite right. You know, it's sort of like people that are really into vaporware. It's like vaporware barely existed in the 80s. You had to really search to find examples of that where it's like, that's all the 80s was. It was just lasers and grids into the horizons. Like, no, that wasn't it. But that part kind of made me laugh. Like, it was a little too good, actually. Tara: [10:31] Yeah. Sarah: [10:32] Those of us who knew the whole mythos about George Lucas using a razor blade to cut space shooting into the film, it's like, All right. Well, it's a different lore for the young ones now. Dave: [10:46] Wonder Man seemed like it was on the level of Krull as far as production values went, and I was expecting Krull-level special events. Sarah: [10:53] That's a name I've not heard in many years. Tara: [10:55] I was thinking of the legendary unreleased Roger Corman Fantastic Four. Dave: [11:00] It was a little later, though. Tara: [11:01] Well, that was, yes. That was in the 90s. Dave: [11:03] The other part I really enjoyed, just the Ben Kingsley character just telling stories about his journey through older Hollywood. And he's talking about how characters literally whip themselves up to get ready for a scene. One of the stories he tells is him and John Gilgud whipping each other's bare ass with their belts in order to get jazzed to do whatever they were doing. Sarah: [11:25] Yeah, but he's like, and then it got weird. Like, weird. Dave: [11:29] Yes, that's the capper to it. Tara: [11:31] But also, yeah, it's like, and we weren't even friends then, which I thought was also really funny. Dave: [11:36] Yeah. So there is some smart writing in this, like smarter than you usually get for a Marvel show. And I did appreciate that. I mean, really, this is the most divorced from Marvel, Marvel show, obviously. But still, even the parts where it was a little Marvel-y, I was like, well, this is still the weakest part of this enterprise. But there was very little of it. So that is good. If you are not a Marvel fan, this is very approachable. Tara: [12:02] Yeah, I was the whole time bracing for the moment when, as I put it last night, it's going to turn into flying around laser hands space battle. And there is sort of something like that and like the last truly 20 seconds of the series. And that's kind of it. Dave: [12:19] I enjoyed that coda. Like it was about 10, 50 minutes long, more of a plotty coda, I guess, but I was fine. I thought that was an okay capper to it. It's a little sweet and action. Yeah, I guess. Tara: [12:31] Yeah. What I was waiting for is because we, we keep getting references to, or people who don't have known Simon keep telling Trevor, like, it's so great. You're here. He's never had a friend. Like the implication is he's, he's been keeping the secret of his superpowers and like, he can't let anyone in. It's a coded queer narrative. Like all superhero stories kind of are on this level. But then we also see at the beginning, he's had a girlfriend for long enough that they were living together. And she's played by Olivia Thirlby, an actor you have seen before. She was in Juno, I think, among many other things. And I kept waiting for it to circle back to some explanation of how that happened, if he's been so closed off, and then it never really goes anywhere. We see her for one more second, and that's kind of it. So I was like, even in this eight episode series, they couldn't find a way to make her inclusion in this like meaningful or important to the plot. It was that I thought that was weird. Sarah: [13:28] So much relies on the performances. So they were lucky. But I think also the creative team understood that that was true and that this is very unmarvely and they should they should just roll with that. Tara: [13:41] Yeah. Sarah: [13:42] And also have a sense of humor. I forget where I was reading, probably Alan Sepinwall talking about how he really liked the series, but like Iron Man, a lot depends on the leads, their chemistry with each other, and their ability to find their way into the material and not let it overwhelm them and not just get green screened into two dimensions. I think that's very true, that if you're going to have even a little... Coda of laser space hands or not really be thinking through the implications of superpowers, even though you're a Marvel property. You really need someone like Sir Ben saying things like, your process can go blow a spider and then turning on a dime and giving really heartfelt advice like the real work is living. Not everybody can do that. So if you have him available to do that. I think everything else flows from that. And if you're not a Marvel person, you'll still like this, I think, for that reason. Dave: [14:44] Speaking to the studio of it all, I super enjoyed our Malibu celebrity actor cameo in this one. None other than Joey Pants. And I didn't recognize him at first because he's got some squirrely Dave T. Cole hair. Very white now. But he was great. He plays an old, old co-actor from a hospital show that Ben Kingsley character was in. And then he has like a really great return towards the end of the series. When it gets there, you're like, oh, this is delightful. Tara: [15:14] Yeah, it's a bit cheap, but I enjoyed it. Yeah, exactly. Actor, Kangol, lover, commercial real estate evangelist, Joey Pants. Dave: [15:21] Yeah. Dave: [15:27] Well well well if it isn't time for ask ehg the segment everybody says has the best theme they've ever heard as long as you're taking no follow-up questions, Oh, there's another one. All right. It is time to spin the wheel of judgment. And it looks like Sarah D. Bunting is our judge for this week. Sarah: [16:10] What a pleasure. Last week's question came from Radish Cake, who asked, Someone I know has a husband who just asked her, Are beans plants? What is the dumbest thing anyone has ever asked you? So many delightful candidates. It was very difficult to pick just one. Tara: [16:28] Before you get into that, did anyone in the thread say what you thought they were, if not plants? Dave: [16:37] I don't know. I'm just picturing the thinking velociraptor on a shirt that says, are beans plants? Sarah: [16:45] Anyway, proceed. Dave: [16:46] Yes. Sarah: [16:47] C. Kent noted that around 15 years ago, when the term first started getting popular in culture, Lady K asked me, what's mansplaining? That like Moebius quality of that is wonderful. Taco Tina said, when I was a teen, I was out driving around with a bunch of friends and one guy reacting to a road sign we had just passed turns to me and goes, wow, do you think that Frontage Road goes all over the country? I see that sign everywhere. I mean, justice for frontage road guy, honestly, because that's not a bad question. Bezoar Laura said, back in high school, my friend was debating what to order from a concession stand and asked, how big is a footlong hot dog? Dave: [17:29] Oh, no. Grant's tomb. Sarah: [17:33] Yeah. And our old friend, Mademoiselle Caroline, this is an oldie but a goodie, 1990 French me, an exchange student in South Carolina. Quote, Have you ever seen a train, Caroline? And then someone in the thread followed up with, well, have you? She had. Dave: [17:52] Okay, great. Sarah: [17:53] But our winner is Janice Stark. I volunteered at a cat shelter, Janice says, and I used to be the person assigned to answer the phone. This priceless exchange is why I stopped answering the phone. Me. Good evening, feline rescue. Guy. Do you have cats there? Me. Yes, we do. Guy. What do they look like? Do you have cats there what do they look like like cats no janice stark here's what this looks like for you stickers free ones please get on the discord and contact david t cole there he will send you some stickers i will. Dave: [18:31] I have a backlog so i'm going to try to do it this weekend dm me please janice thank you. Sarah: [18:35] All right let's get. Dave: [18:37] Into your questions for us first one comes from flame Team Splash, they ask, you are given the power to change the filming and presentation style of any show. What would it be? So the example they give is the Americans, but in the style of The Office. Elizabeth just looking at the camera. All right, Tara, what's your answer here? Tara: [18:59] I maintain that that show The Patient with Steve Carell and Donald Gleeson that we talked about a few years ago was a dark, dark, dark, dark, extremely dark comedy. And I feel like if it was shot like 30 Rock with flashback cutaways, that would be more clearly communicated or at least would make me feel correct. Sarah. Dave: [19:20] By the way, I got a way to make it even more disturbing. That show in the style of Ha Ha You Clans. Tara: [19:26] Ha ha ha. Yes. Wow. Sarah: [19:31] Any answer I give is going to feel like a ripoff of that Supernatural episode, Changing channels where they were trapped in various TV genres, but I would love a live action Samurai Jack shot in the style of Better Call Saul. Dave: [19:44] Well, I got a pairing for you. In the style of Breaking Bad is the often shot in deserts show, The A-Team. So it's The A-Team with all their stupid exploits, except it's like really good cinematography and it really gives you whiplash. Second question comes from Jesse. Jesse, which Best Picture nominee should have been a TV series? Didn't say so, but I was kind of reading into this Best Picture from this year, but not stated. So follow your bliss. Sarah. Sarah: [20:13] I went with this year. I haven't seen all of them, but The Secret Agent would be my answer regardless, possibly because Wagner Mora brings that Narcos energy for me still, so I could just be bringing that baggage to it. But yeah, I'd watch six or eight or 18 episodes of anything starring him. Who does? Tara: [20:35] Dave. Dave: [20:36] Yeah. If you haven't seen that movie, do so. It was really good. One of my favorites two answers here by the name alone i'm going to do one battle after another and the episodes are just called battle one battle two battle three yep my actual answer here and i'm just going to give you a spoiler for uh uh begonia is that how you say it for begonia so here we go no all right so my pitch is for begonia and i know what you're thinking there's no more people on Earth, so what are we going to do the show about? And the show is Emma Stone's character just traveling the galaxy in her big Baymax knit suit, visiting thousands of homeworlds of famous aliens from the world of TV science fiction, and then judging them one per episode. Will the Melmackians, elf, all die? Is Melmac worthy to continue existing? Romulans, Jawas, is probably something we can do from Doctor Who. Although, you know, that's an immediate no air for those guys whoever they are so begonia and in every episode we're gonna maybe kill a whole species. Tara: [21:46] Yeah, I agree with Sarah about The Secret Agent. I feel like this year's nominees, and I've seen six out of 10, which is more than usual. We're all movies that should have been movies. I do like The Secret Agent, how it's just a slice of life, but it is of the 10, the one I would want to see more of. But then I started looking backwards and purely on length, Killers of the Flower Moon, like the Irishman before it, could have easily been a five episode limited series, just on length alone. Dave: [22:19] Planty plant plant. Sure. It's currently negative nine degrees where I am, which got me wondering, what show set in a warm setting would you move to a chillier climate and how would that change the show? The show I'm moving from warm to cold is Pacific Blue. Do you remember Pacific Blue? Tara: [22:38] Sure. Dave: [22:39] It's the Baywatch on bikes. Yeah. Sarah: [22:41] On bicycles. Dave: [22:43] Let's be clear. Tara: [22:44] Yes. Dave: [22:44] So now they have to ride their bikes in the snow and they don't do very good. I'm going to pitch an opposite cold to warm. And that's the fishing with John episode that we watched. RIP William Defoe. Tara: [23:00] Mike White has said he will never set a season of the white Lotus anywhere that isn't warm because he hates being cold personally. But I'm sure we'd get a whole different set of rich people complaints if a season were set at like a luxury ski resort in Austria or Switzerland or something. Sarah. Sarah: [23:17] Well, the jokey answer is that Dawson's Creek should have moved from North Carolina to Massachusetts. Like for real, my actual less jokey answer is Banff. Doesn't really change the show that much. Harry Bosch is in a cabin in Banff working on his memoirs because he hates the cold weather and the sooner he could finish the book, the sooner you can get the fuck out of there. But then, of course, there's a murder of a ski resort tycoon. And that crime is the tip of a literal iceberg of corruption. And then there's seven seasons and possibly a movie. Dave: [23:49] Excellent. Mel Snack, which Netflix show should have, I forgot this question was here, which Netflix show should have a scratch and sniff book and what sticker smells are you including? Tara. Tara: [24:03] Well, first in my note is what? And then second, I guess snack versus chef and the smells would obviously be the smells of the snacks. Oh, sorry. Dave. Dave: [24:15] I'm going to go with the crown. And it smells like an empty can of Taverners fruit drops when there's like just that dusting confectionery sugar left on it. It's got a particularly, it's like metallic, but it's also sweet smelling. And there's like a whiff of maybe some lime or something, but it's very distant. And as we move on to Sarah, I just wondering out loud, if Sarah will have the stones to pick Dalmer monster, the Jeffrey Dalmer story. Tara: [24:40] Sarah. Wait, not Ed Gein? Dave: [24:43] I got something for you to smell, Mother. Tara: [24:46] Smell my chair upholstery. Anyway, sorry, Sarah. Dave: [24:50] Okay, Sarah. Sarah: [24:53] I hate you both so much. Fear City, colon, New York versus the Mafia. And sticker smells would include leather, bolognese, gunmetal, and stale smoke from Winston cigarettes. Dave: [25:07] All right. Millsnack is back with the second of two questions. So this is the end for Millsnack. We play to our strengths. Let's eat. All right. It's opening the food channel. Here we go. What is your favorite casserole? casserole. Sarah Dibetting's favorite casserole. Sarah: [25:24] Honorable mention to glop. Envisioned by my mother, but that had meat in it. So the winner, a new champene, is a broccoli and cheese bake. It's super simple. Broccoli, cheddar, onion, a tablespoon of flour, and a couple eggs and a big ramekin. Let the oven take the wheel. You can really substitute any green vegetable if you're not a Brock fan, simple and delicious. Tara. Tara: [25:49] In my family, it was called Auntie Joan's casserole. I have two Auntie Joan's. Both of my grandparents on my mother's side had a sister Joan. Dave: [25:57] Hey, that's great. One for the casserole and one for loving. Tara: [26:01] Oh, I thought one for the casserole, one for the kimchi seller. No. I think it was Auntie Joan Ford's recipe. No, Oh, Auntie Joan Campbell, my grandmother's sister. Anyway, it was noodles. Dave: [26:15] Would you like to dox Tara's aunts? Now you have all the information you need. You know where she lived and you know their last names. Tara: [26:21] I think one of them is deceased. Dave: [26:23] So good luck. It was one of the casserole, of course. Tara: [26:26] They're my great aunts. Anyway. Sarah: [26:28] Well, get someone to go down to the kimchi cellar and look. Jesus Christ. Tara: [26:34] Noodles, ground beef, mushroom soup, a shitload of cheese. It is probably just the same as standard hamburger helper flavor wise, but it was my favorite. And when my mother would ask what I wanted for my birthday, that's what I would always request into my 20s and 30s. Dave. Dave: [26:50] Well, this is basic. I know mac and cheese is technically a casserole. So I'm going to go with Smacks Masala Macaroni and Cheese. Sarah: [26:57] Oh my God. Yes. Dave: [26:59] It's a restaurant in New York City. They make all these very delicious types of macaroni and cheese, and they're really good, and they have this Indian one. And I've tried on occasion to replicate it at home, but I don't even get close. So next time I'm back in New York City, that is a definite meat. But if you're in the area, smack, I highly recommend it. Tara: [27:18] Hell yeah. Sarah: [27:19] Oh, yeah. Dave: [27:19] I also made like a Mexican casserole maybe sometime last year. Not quite a Mexican lasagna because making lasagna is for fools because just mix everything together, pasta and a thing, and you get the same flavor without all the... Sarah: [27:32] It all becomes poo. Save yourself like 50 minutes of effort with the layering of the rigot. Tara: [27:39] Yeah. Dave: [27:39] I'm glad we're all in agreement. Otherwise, I'm not like a big casserole person, but I can highly recommend smack. All right. Diatho. Is the St. Louis bagel cut the work of Satan? So I'll just explain this because I had to look it up. I've never heard of it. Tara: [27:56] I'll put a link in the show notes. Dave: [27:58] Okay. It's just a bagel cut like a loaf of bread. So you get slices of bagel, small individual sliced bread sizes of bagels. I've never had it. I kind of see the appeal from like a bird's eye view of it from convenience. Like I think if you had a kid, maybe the kid would enjoy having slices. Tara: [28:17] Sure. Dave: [28:17] You're at the airport. I just got to shut up, Jeremy. Jeremy won't stop fucking annoying me here. Have a St. Louis cut bagel. Tara: [28:23] Fucking Jeremy. Dave: [28:24] But I would say for my money, the true pleasure of a good bagel, not the ring of bread you get in most places. Tara: [28:33] No, shots fired. Dave: [28:35] Shots, prove me wrong, people. Tara: [28:36] No, you're right. Sarah: [28:37] It's a biali with a hole in it. It's not a bagel. Thank you. I agree, Dave. Dave: [28:41] The pleasure of a good bagel is the chewy resistance of that big bite. You know, it's not just bread. You're like, and now it's in your mouth. And that's an important part of the bagel experience. So, you know, live and let live, but forced to choose. Absolutely traditional. Tara: [28:58] Mm-hmm. Dave: [28:59] Sir? Sarah: [29:00] Yeah, they might pull my New Yorker card for saying this, but I don't think it's the work of Satan. I think that's a little extreme. I mean, standardizing that as the only way, as the one true bagel presentation way would be the work of Satan, but being able to put a schmear on a bagel slice, roll it up, and eat it is not the worst idea I've heard all week. Just my opinion. Dave: [29:24] If it's not the work of Satan, How far down the hierarchy of hell do you have to go before? Like, are we talking imp? Sarah: [29:32] Yeah, like succubus at worst. Dave: [29:35] What about one of those guys from the Bosch painting that is spreading his asshole and you have to walk into it? Sarah: [29:41] No, it's not that bad. I actually thought about this, ladies and gents. Thank you. Tara: [29:49] I don't believe in Satan, or I guess I should say I didn't before I saw this bagel cut. Dave: [29:54] Wow. All right. Tara: [29:55] Now I do. Sarah: [29:55] Oh. Dave: [29:57] All right. So it was offered to you. You're hungry in the airport. The only bagel you can get is a St. Louis bagel. There's no other food because for some reason, only the bagel stand is open. Sarah: [30:07] And Jeremy is coming toward you at a dead run. It's you or Jeremy who eats. Tara: [30:13] Well, me eating it is different than shoving it at a child that I want to get away from me. Yeah. Jeremy can have it. That's not my business. Dave: [30:22] What about St. Louis cut Jeremy? Tara: [30:25] I think obviously, yes. There you go. Sarah: [30:28] Everybody wins. Fucking Jeremy, man. Dave: [30:33] This podcast turned into a child homicide podcast. So gradually, nobody noticed. Tara: [30:38] It wasn't that gradual. Sarah: [30:39] No. Dave: [30:40] Sunetra. Sarah: [30:41] And also turn. Dave: [30:43] Oh, wait. I got to close up the phone. Enough. I'm so sick and tired of hearing you pee. Fool. All right. Sinatra is here. What does energy mogul Dracula think of industry and the stock market shenanigans within? Tara: [30:57] I doubt energy mogul Dracula thinks watching anything on TV is a good use of his time when he could be scheming instead. Sarah. Sarah: [31:07] I think he tried an episode, he sampled it and he thought it was pretty bleh. Dave. Dave: [31:13] I think he must think is easier corner the stock market in the daylight hours when the stock market is open. Renzi, what is energy mogul Dracula's opinion of Surf Dracula? We got a lot of Surf Dracula comments from people that didn't know about Surf Dracula. So I think that was a really good public service that we did bringing up Surf Dracula because I just would have assumed our listenership was conversant in that, but they were and they thoroughly enjoyed it. Tara: [31:43] They were. I like the one who was like, this should be a meme like milkshake deck. And I was like, it is. Sorry, you're on a different internet. But anyway. Dave: [31:51] Okay, so energy mogul Dracula's opinion of Surf Dracula, Sarah. Sarah: [31:55] I think Surf Dracula is the kind of like patchouli vamp that London energy Dracula, who is a bit more posh and wears cufflinks, doesn't even see if that makes any sense. Like he has no opinion because Surf Drax hippie ass is beneath Energy Drax notice. Tara: [32:14] Mm-hmm. Sarah: [32:15] It's my belief. Dave. Dave: [32:17] All right. So Energy Dracula taught Surf Dracula everything that he knew about market manipulation. And in the end, Energy Dracula was very proud of Surf Dracula. Or, as you may know him, Ron John. Tara: [32:33] Hmm. Sarah: [32:34] Oh. Ooh. Tara: [32:37] I think Energy Mogul Dracula would say surfing is an unserious activity. You could be cornering markets instead. Dave: [32:45] Yep. EC Fell, you're casting Surf Dracula. Who are the stars and who's the big special guest star and recurring villain? I originally was thinking what we do in the Shadows era, Taika Waititi, would be good. Not now. Now that he's spoiled and he's full of himself. But I'm going to go with current day Dev Patel as Surf Dracula. Tara: [33:09] I like that. Sarah: [33:10] Oh, okay. Dave: [33:11] I think he's got the gravitas to bring to a surfing Dracula that it needs. He's also got a comedic streak in him. So I think he could do that, too. I think he's going to cover all of Surf Dracula's many, many moods. Tara: [33:24] Well, ever since I saw a photo on Blue Sky and I'll link it in the show notes of Daniel Day-Lewis playing Dracula on stage in his youth opposite Peter Capaldi as Harker. Sarah: [33:36] Oh, wow. Tara: [33:37] He's all I can think of as Dracula And I'm sure he would be very intense About learning to serve Did. Dave: [33:43] You read the quote that went. Tara: [33:44] Along with that? Yes, it's very cute Sarah, did you see this? No Okay, I'll, I'll pull it up. Oh, here it is. I got it already. So he posted this on Instagram and had an excerpt from an interview he did with The Observer about it. Peter Capaldi says, it was a production of Dracula starring Daniel Day-Lewis at the old Something Moon Theater. It's covered by an arrow on the East End. I was playing Jonathan Harker when we were off the stage. Daniel, who was brilliant, said to me, I know where your parents are sitting because they are the only people in the audience who aren't looking at me. He was right because they were quite taken with their son, Capaldi says, with an affectionate smile. Very cute. Oh, Half Moon Theater. Special guest star is Paul Dano, because I guess he needs this. He's giving interviews, being like, it was so nice when everyone rallied around. Tara: [34:31] Me about Quentin Tarantino. Like, get a life. Say you didn't hear about it. Stop humiliating yourself, you fucking loser. Sarah: [34:37] Yeah, you were fine. Oh, God, whatever. Tara: [34:39] I don't think about you at all is the answer whenever any of this shit comes up. Have some dignity. Keep it in your group text. Anyway, recurring villain Van Helsing, of course, and he would be played by a Dutch actor, Michel Huseman. Sarah. Sarah: [34:55] Wyatt Russell as Surf Dracula. Special guest star David Boreanaz as Angel, who's trying to recruit Surf Dracula to work with Angel Investigations, but Surf Drac is an ACAB guy and refuses. And Delroy Lindo as Night Court Judge Drac. Recurring villain as cooking show host by day, vampire hunter by night, Gabrielle Argent played by Tiffany Thiessen. Dave: [35:20] Here's our last question comes from Jovial Gent. What phrases would you include in your flattery pack for guests to say when guesting on your podcast? Very quick explanation, because this is a cross stream from Listen to Sassy, I think. Tara: [35:37] No, I would think from Again with Them. Dave: [35:39] Oh, yeah, you're right. When I was on it. That's right. Yep. Tara: [35:42] Yeah. Every time there's a guest on 90210MG, the terrible 90210 podcast that is hosted by Jenny Garth and Tori Spelling, the guest always says some variation of, you look so great. You look the same. You haven't aged, et cetera, et cetera, in a way that makes it seem like they got an email saying, make sure you tell them how great they look. My flattery pack would include, you made everything about this appearance clear and easy. Something I actually do pride myself on. I try to make the on-ramp as easy as possible. Sarah. Sarah: [36:13] My notes are to the effect of, I assume this is a reference to OMG interviewees. And then I was like, I don't really know what this means, but thoughtful analysis. Good effort not an obvious drag on the co-hosts who don't drink i'm easy to please it's a low bar dave. Dave: [36:29] Well i got one for each of us so you get your flattery pack you open it up and there's three cards like you have to split them open like the nuclear codes in the submarine and this is what they read compliment dave every time he gets a celebrity name right on the first try, tell tara the dog sleeping on the bed on zoom behind her is very cute even though he looks like a gray blob over Zoom. Tell Sarah that was a close one after game time, no matter what the final score. Sarah: [37:01] All right. Dave: [37:02] Seekens got your Ask Ask ESG questions, listeners. If you want to provide an answer for a chance to win those stickers, you want to go to our Discord Ask Ask ESG channel, put your answer there, or you can email me your answer at davidatcole.fyi. I here it comes. See Ken. If someone from 15th century London turned up at your house, how would you explain TV to them? All right. Think about it. Put your answer in our Discord or email me. We'll be back soon with Judgment, and somebody's going to get that sticker. Dave: [37:37] Ja! Rastafarianism! All right. That means it is Tiny Canon time, presenting as Tara. Tara: [37:47] Yes, I am presenting the SNL digital short, Ra's Trend, for induction into the Tiny Sketch Canon. During their time at SNL, the members of The Lonely Island, Andy Samberg, Akiva Schaffer, and Jorma Taccone made dozens of digital shorts, many of which were built around musical tracks they recorded for their various albums. Ross Trent is on the Lonely Island album Incredibad, but since the accompanying video is clearly made on an SNL budget and timeline and with SNL stars, I think it counts as a TV sketch. I will try not to squeeze all the jokes out of Ross Trent with excessive analysis, but here is why I think it belongs in our tiny sketch canon. Number one, the speed with which it establishes its premise, clip two. Oh, firepond Babylon, and firepond a beast of boy. Tara: [38:38] Shanty dorms, my roommate Nick is an ignorant bald head. We know right from the top, Roz Trent is not a hero based solely on the clownish singing performance we know is well below Samberg's vocal talents. Then when we see shots of Ross Trent in a college classroom and his shanty dorms, we immediately get the backstory. Trent is a privileged white, I'm going to guess NYU freshman who has decided to reinvent himself by appropriating a culture he barely understands and has no respect for. Clip three. Sarah: [39:18] I read a book about Selassie I then told my Bumbaclot parents I was switching religions Excuse I But wait. Tara: [39:27] There's more Clip four Have you ever noticed how bald heads suck? Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, dong, duck Excuse I for my stinking effects and praise Me toil part-time at Jack Coldstone Creamery In a duck's time. Tara: [39:47] Rollerskates a dvd of cool murder she wrote yaga yaga yaga Is there a dance hall song called Murder, She Wrote? Yes. Does it have anything to do with Angela Lansbury? No, but she still pops into frame above Roz Trent, then gets a wig of braids dropped onto her head because Roz Trent doesn't know how confused he actually is. Number two the cleverness with which it weaves in rastafarian vocabulary if you want a deep dive on what all the lyrics mean and what real reggae and dance hall tracks they're referencing you can listen to the lonely island and seth meyers podcast episode in which they go through the clip basically line by line you can also get a lot of this is genius page on the song and we'll link both in the show notes but the editing on rastrent's chalice basically a bong made out of a Sprite can, and his bald head roommate Nick, not literally bald, lets the viewer whose knowledge of Rastafarian culture is lacking keep up with the joke. Tara: [40:48] And number three, the punchline. Sandberg has said that the initial inspiration for Roz Trent was a guy he ran into in his hometown of Berkeley, California, and who excused himself by saying, excuse I, as we heard more than once in the song. But the reason I feel this song exists is what happens near the end when Roz trent is capering around new york and then happens to walk past a group of black guys clip five. Tara: [41:20] So this isn't a brand new joke. We get a version of it in Office Space 2 where Michael Bolton is rapping in the car along with the track and then quiets down when a black guy walks by. But steal from the best and the live audience reaction shows what a great payoff it is to all of Roz Trent's nonsense. See, he still knows enough not to be so open with his bullshit that he gets a very justified ass kicking. On the podcast episode about this, the guys say that someone in Rihanna's orbit showed her Roz Trent and that it convinced her to record Shy Ronnie with them later on. So don't think about how many real Roz Trents the West Indian Rihanna has probably had to endure unless you really want to bum yourself out. Instead, honor her excellent taste by voting Roz Trent into the tiny sketch cannon. Dave: [42:04] Thank you, Tara. Sarah, you want to take first crack? Sarah: [42:07] Sure. Excuse I. Just the delivery of that. I was like, my stomach muscles just seized with laughter and all the air was expelled from my lungs. Samberg is like the perfect delivery vehicle for this idea because he has that big, broad smile. He's completely committed to this bonehead. We, like every college class, had a Ross Trent. Ours was named Trevor. Tara: [42:39] Wow. Sarah: [42:40] The, you know, white boy dread appropriation struggle is real behind the scenes peak here. Listeners, Tara actually asked me on Slack how many Ross Trents my brother knew from going to NYU. And I was like, I think there's actually more of them at his rehearsal space that he that he runs. So when he holds up the red stripe and he's like, red stripe. Oh, my God. So that beer is not good for the number of people in their 20s I knew who drank it because it was, you know, like pot was implied to be nearby based on the brand was a lot. Tara: [43:17] I'll just add regarding Sandberg's performance. If you watch a lot of Lonely Island clips, they sort of fall into two categories with regard to him, which is like one half or so are him being like a clueless, cool guy. And the other half of him being like a human Muppet. And this definitely falls into like the Muppety category. Anyway, that's all. Sarah: [43:38] I know. I mean, he's so just absolutely fearless and committed. And excuse, it's just so good. It's so good. You really don't, you just have to like play it and it does the work for you. But excellent presentation as well, sort of getting under the surface as to why the construction lets it succeed. This was a lot of fun to think about. And I definitely recommend listening to that podcast episode, too, because they still think it's so funny and dumb themselves when they're talking about it. Tara: [44:10] Well, they're very like, we want to just stress, we are not trying to do what the joke is here. We're not trying to appropriate Rastafarian culture. We are not Rastafarians. But they do, like, they did all grow up in Berkeley. They do know a lot about the music without, you know, trying to do all of the other trappings. Anyway, go ahead, Dave. Dave: [44:29] I like Sandberg's commitment to this. It is absolute. That said, I didn't really find it that funny. There was two things I found very funny. Excuse I. And the other part that was obviously funny was building up to was that moment where he starts mumbling as he passes the black eyes on the street. But then as soon as I saw that, oh, that's from Office Space. And Office Space, I'm sure it wasn't the first place to do it, but that's just what I remember. So you say steal from the best, I say derivative. And a lot of it, I couldn't understand what he was saying. So I think a lot of the jokes just flew over me. And I appreciate that you've watched the, or rather listened to the podcast and you have more background on it, but I didn't really get that from watching it. So this is sort of a, didn't really hit for me. So let's put this to the official vote. Sarah D. Bunting, what say you? Sarah: [45:18] Skiddly whoa, yes, from me. Dave: [45:20] All right, I'm going to give this a no. So, unfortunately, that means Raz Trent from Saturday Night Live. You are hereby not inducted into the extra hot great tiny sketch cannon. Dave: [45:44] All right, it is time for the Not Quite Winners and Losers of the Week. This week's Not Quite Winner for me is all extant NCIS shows getting renewed at CBS. For your edification, that is NCIS, NCIS Origins, NCIS Sydney, NCIS FBI Task Force, NCIS Brenda and Eddie, NCIS St. Louis Cut, NCIS Boot Camp, NCIS CIA, know the other one. Yes, that CIA colon Navy Cooks, NCIS Captain Doug, NCIS Cyber, NCIS Warzone Catalina Island, NCIS ICN, Justice for the USS Palindrome, an NCIS Sunday movie, NCIS Boats. I mean, who cares? And of course, finally, NCIS 2. loser of the week is euphoria's sydney sweeney potentially facing charges for illegally climbing the hollywood sign to hang bras off it for her new lingerie line marketing so here's my question She climbed up there. I've seen the Hollywood sign in person from a distance because you can only see it from a distance unless you want to trespass through a whole bunch of people's property. And she's hanging bras for publicity in Los Angeles. Here's my question. How big are Sidney Sweeney's tits? Tara: [47:04] They're pretty big. Sarah: [47:06] Maybe it was just one bra and it went over the O's. Tara: [47:11] Oh, yeah. Shake it, madam. Capital knockers. She does have capital knockers. Sarah: [47:19] My not quite winner is Rosanna Arquette, who has been cast as Renee Ballard's estranged mother in season two of Ballard. I feel like we don't get enough of that Arquette, and I'm glad that she's going to be doing that. It's like sort of weird casting. And then it's like, you know what? Rosanna Arquette is just like sort of weird and goes off label with stuff. And I'm interested. She will bring a weird noir energy to it, I think. Tara: [47:47] Yeah, she's also in the new Charlie XCX movie, The Moment. So I don't know, maybe she just got a new agent or something. Sarah: [47:53] Yeah, maybe. Not quite loser of the week. No one is watching Netflix's new Star Search. And per our esteemed colleague, Andy Dennert, the judging may not be to blame, but is not helping. He has a piece at Reality Blurred, which we'll link in the show notes, about just the content-free comments from Chrissy Teigen, Sarah Michelle Gellar. I forget who the other one is, but... Tara: [48:17] Jelly Roll. Sarah: [48:19] Oh, yes. Jelly Roll. I think Jelly Roll was considered less offensively, like less of an offensive nothing burger than the other two. But he did have good things to say about the voting system and how it works on screen. But I just I don't know, like for whatever reason, it's just not it's not playing. For Netflix. Sorry, buddies. Tara: [48:41] My Not Quite Winner of the Week is Kumail Nanjiani, who is hosting the DGA Awards this year. This is a gig that Judd Apatow has had for the previous five years. And we also just talked about Kumail last week when we were discussing the Season 21 Taskmaster cast. He is really suddenly everywhere. He had that new special in December on Hulu. He had a two, I think, episode roll on Fallout. Of course, we all saw him in Ella McKay, one of the breakout movies of the Christmas season. But I would just like to tell Camille, take a break. You're doing too much. I'm seeing you too much all of a sudden. Sarah: [49:22] Yeah, we don't need another Seacrest. It's fine. Tara: [49:25] No. And my not-quite-loser of the week is Claudia Oshry, who I guess is a comedian. And the only reason that she has ever come to my notice is because she was on The Masked Singer and she quit prematurely. And, you know, we had a lot of fun during the season of Special Forces colon World's Toughest Test, which people were just quitting in droves. But if you're quitting The Masked Singer, you just don't want to be famous. So maybe get with your team and figure out what the strategy is going to be with your career because this doesn't seem like something that's so arduous, you need to drop out early. Sarah: [50:03] Yeah. Kim: [50:07] Hi, this is Kim Reid, and welcome to the most awesome thing I saw on TV last month. So last month, I watched Love Boat Season 4, Episode 28, and I chose this one because Allison Nellie Olsen-Arngrim is one of the guest stars. So since each storyline on this show is written by a different writer or group of writers, and there's not much overlap, I'm going to go through one at a time. So the next storyline features Father Mulcahy from MASH as Mr. Mitchell, and Tony Tennille as Mrs. Mitchell. And you'd think there'd be at least one captain joke in an episode with Tony Tennille, but there is not. Anyway, these two bought cruise tickets, but then they got divorced, so Mr. Mitchell decided to take the cruise solo. I never thought this actor was bad as Father Mulcahy, but he is not good in this role. Every line he says has 10 pounds of mustard on it. Anyway, I'm sure you predicted correctly that Mrs. Mitchell shows up and they have to share a room, and I guess the reason they got divorced was because Mr. Mitchell is a real neat freak and Mrs. Mitchell is a slob. Like, just hire a housekeeper or something if that's your only issue. So then the Mitchells are headed to dinner, and they both agree that if either of them find someone to bring back to the room, they'll put out the Do Not Disturb sign. For barely divorced people, they seem pretty calm about their soon-to-be ex-spouse hooking. Kim: [51:13] I guess that's how things went in the 80s. So Mr. Mitchell meets a lady named Nancy at dinner and invites her back to his cabin, which, I mean, no judgment, but they've known each other like 45 minutes at this point. But maybe that's what cruises are. I don't know. Kim: [51:25] Nancy's put off when she sees women's clothing and perfume and whatnot all over the place, including two pairs of pantyhose on the floor. Like, did Mrs. Mitchell put on one pair, decide she didn't like them, take them off, put on another pair, decide she didn't like them, and take them off, and then maybe put on a third pair? That seems like a lot of work. I'd be sweating for sure. Kim: [51:44] Mr. Mitchell says that the stuff belongs to his ex-wife and Nancy's like, okay, that makes sense. And then they just start making out. So Doc and Mrs. Mitchell arrive back at her room. And of course she invites Doc in for a nightcap. We all know what that means. But as soon as they walk in, they see Mr. Mitchell making out with Nancy because he didn't put up the do not disturb sign because he says he couldn't find it under all the mess she left. So the two of them continue arguing and Nancy and Doc kind of slide out the door. And then Mr. Mitchell grabs his PJs and says he's going to go sleep in a lifeboat or something. So we find out that Mr. Mitchell spent the night on a cotton gopher's room. Gopher consoles Mr. Mitchell and says he needs to stop being such an uptight a-hole and that he should try being messy and see how that goes. And meanwhile, Doc counsels Mrs. Mitchell that maybe she should be more like her husband and try to be more neat and tidy if she really wants to get back together with him, which she said she does. This is a real gift of the Magi situation. So then Mr. and Mrs. Mitchell do their swap and neither of them likes it, but then they confess they were just trying to make the other one happy, and they decide to stay together and accept each other as they are. The end. So the Nellie Olsen storyline involves Vicky, you know, Captain Steubing's niece, and she's all excited because a teen star named Becky Daniels is going to be on this sailing. Becky Daniels is, of course, Alison Arngrim, and the poster they're holding is she's wearing so much makeup that I thought at first she was dressed as a clown, but no, that's just her normal look. Kim: [52:59] So I'm just going to call this character Nellie Olsen, and she's wearing terrible Cindy Brady braids, and she's accompanied by a whole entourage of people. So when Captain Steubing and Vicky greet Nellie, she's sweet as pie, and Vicky's delighted that she might have a new friend who's famous. But then, of course, as soon as Nellie steps a few feet away, she turns into a huge B-word, and she refers to Vicky as a little runt. So then it's time for Nellie Olsen to shoot a scene for her show on this ship, even though there's passengers all over the place. And what even is this show? Because she runs out in a Mr. Gorton's fisherman yellow coat and she yells out something about how she can do semaphore with the flag she's carrying. She gets it in one take and all the passengers are real impressed with their acting ability. If I were a passenger on the ship, I think you'd be kind of mad that my access to the pool was restricted because they're shooting a dumb TV show with Nellie Olsen. Kim: [53:44] As they watch all this, Vicky cannot contain herself, and so she wishes she could be on TV. And Isaac's like, I mean, your dad is the captain. He probably could make that happen. And Captain Steubing's like, big side-eye. But he goes over and he asks Nellie Olsen if she might have a small part for Vicky on her show. And Nellie's like, sure, we can find something. And then as soon as Captain Steubing walks away, she's like, ugh. But also, would Nellie Olsen be the one who gets to make these decisions? I mean, I get that it's her show, like her name's in the title, but she also like a producer, maybe? She seems like a teenager. I don't know why I'm looking for accuracy on this dumb subplot on the love boat. So then at dinner, Captain Steubing annoyingly asked Nellie Olsen again if Vicki can be on her show. Like, shouldn't the captain know better than to bother the talent? Nellie's like, oh, I'm all for it, but I have to convince my director here and he's not having it, but I'll work on it. And the captain's like, awesome. And he goes and tells Vicki, who's like, Nellie Olsen is the best. Kim: [54:35] So then later, Nellie Olsen's director is having a production meeting and he breaks it up by saying, well, I'll meet up at 6 a.m. Tomorrow to shoot the next scenes. And Nellie bursts in and says, she's not shooting what's in the script unless she gets a body double. And the director's like, where exactly are we going to get that from? We are in the middle of the ocean. And I think we all know where that's headed. So, of course, Nellie stomps out and she sees Vicky walking down the hall. She gets that evil Nellie smile on her face and she tells Vicky to be on the set tomorrow and it'll be her big break. So then Nellie Olsen's shooting the next scene of her show and Vicky's dressed up just like her. Nellie says a line about there being rough seas ahead, and then they swap her out for Vicky, and of course, no one tells Vicky that she's about to be splashed with a giant bucket of water, but they do splash her, and she takes it like a trooper, and after one take, the director's like, cut. Kim: [55:19] In the next scene, they swap Vicky in just so she can get a pie in the face. And the director says, next up is the shark scene. Like, what even is this show? At lunch, the director tells Vicky that she's a good sport and maybe she'll have her own show someday. And Nellie overhears that part and says she doesn't want to double anymore. And Vicky's fired. And Vicky just looks around like confused chipmunk. So then Vicky's throwing a hissy fit in her room because of how mean Nellie Olsen was. And Captain Subing says she's right to be mad, but she should try to think of it from Nellie's perspective and how much pressure she must be under as a child actor who's supporting her family, which is a really weird line to deliver to a child actor who's probably supporting her family. So then Vicki comes upon Nellie Olsen alone on the deck, and at first you think Vicki's going to yell at her, but then Vicki decides to just say, I think you're a great actress, and I'll always watch your show. And Nellie doesn't accept it at first, but after a while, they hug and become friends, and I think everyone learned a valuable lesson, but I'm not sure what it was. Don't meet your idols? The final storyline involves Julie being late to board because she was visiting family. And then there's a weird not on the ship scene, which kind of throws me off. So Julie and some, I guess, attractive British guy are fighting over a cab. And after they banter for a bit, Julie hops in the cab and takes off. Kim: [56:29] Julie rushes onto the ship, clearly late and slightly manic. And I can't help thinking about all those coke stories about Lauren Tweese. And then, of course, the next passenger to board is the British guy whose cab she stole. and they immediately start arguing. Turns out he's a British veterinarian. Yeah, normal stuff, probably won't come up later. So then, if I gave you a hundred guesses, you would not be able to figure out what the next scene is because I just watched it and I still can't believe it. So the British vet comes walking down the hallway and he is carrying, wait for it, just try to guess, two baby chimpanzees. What? Kim: [57:02] I feel like chimpanzees were a lot more common on TV shows in the 70s and 80s. And then that one chimp, like, ate that lady's face or whatever, and now we just don't fuck with them anymore, which is probably for the best for both humans and chimpanzees. But anyway, Julie marches up and she's all indignant about how animals are not allowed anywhere on the ship and they have to be stowed below deck. And the British guy is like, oh, really? And she's like, yeah, really. And they banter some more until Gopher strolls up and says, oh, the captain says it's fine. Like, can he just overrule maritime law or whatever? and Julie harumps off and the British guy asks Gopher if Julie is single. But also, why does he need to have chimpanzees on the ship? It's like an out-and-back trip. Do chimpanzees need time on the Lido deck? Maybe they want to see Acapulco. I don't know. So Julie seats the vet at a dinner table with a couple of non-English speaking people and she thinks this is the greatest joke. Like, Julie, he's not from America. He probably speaks more than one language. Kim: [57:53] Julie tells Gopher about her hilarious joke, which Gopher tells her is immature and he's not wrong. So she marches him over so he can see how funny it is for himself. And of course, the vet does speak the same language as the other people at his table. I think it's Russian, maybe. And Julie stomps away because she's so mad about it. Then the British vet asks Julie to dance, and he says he's forgiven her for seating him at that table. And Julie's like, oh, have you? So why were you all laughing together? And the British vet is like, I told them that before the night is over, I was going to kiss you. And Julie's like, let's do it. Close your eyes. And so he closes his eyes, and she just walks away. So then later, Julie's getting ready for bed in her silky negligee. When the phone rings and it's the vet saying that his chimps are missing. And she says she'll be right there, throws on a coat and heads down the hall. And of course, when she gets to his room, the chimps are tucked into a twin bed together, which reminds me, who was watching them while he was at dinner? Like, can you just leave them in a stateroom by themselves? That doesn't seem right. Anyway, the vet hands Julie a glass of champagne and Julie refuses it and stomps out of the room. Kim: [58:48] So then in the middle of the night, Julie calls the vet stateroom and tells him there's an alarm and everyone needs to get on deck with their life jacket. So, of course, he throws on his robe and grabs the two chimps and a life jacket and heads out to the deck where no one is there but Julie, who's laughing at him. And he gets all mad like he hasn't been a dick to her, too. And also, what weird kind of flirtatious prank war is this? And then Julie cracks another joke and he walks over and he hands her the two chimps and then he grabs her face and kisses her. Like, what in the hell is going on here? Why are there two chimpanzees? Why are we doing an enemies to lovers thing between Julie and this British vet? This is all so confusing. And then they like trade the chimps back and forth a few times and kiss until each of them is holding a chimp and they're making out. And then Julie tells him that she loves him and he says he loves her too. What? Haven't they known each other less than 24 hours? Are the chimps some sort of love magic? What is happening? Kim: [59:41] So then on some other day, the British vet is having a drink with Isaac when Captain Steubing walks in and apologizes that Julie's being a little bit unprofessional. And the British vet's like, oh, don't worry about it. And then Julie walks in and they start making out. And Captain Steubing's like, what? Julie and the vet are being all schmoopy together. And at least we find out that he's delivering these chimpanzees to the Acapulco Zoo. Although there have to be more efficient ways to transport animals than going on a princess cruise. Later, Julie and the vet are dancing and he says he got the chimpanzees to the zoo. so I guess we won't be seeing them anymore. What was the point of them exactly? But anyway, Doc and Gopher and Isaac are watching them and wondering what's the deal with this relationship like the rest of us. And Doc says he's off to find out. So he heads over and he cuts in on the vet so he can have a few words with Julie. So Doc asks her about her new beau thinking she doesn't know anything about him. And Julie rattles off like 25 facts. So I guess that means she knows everything there is to know like does he have parents or siblings or an ex-wife or a current wife or children? Kim: [1:00:37] Anyway, while Doc's dancing with Julie, the vet gets some sort of letter on board the ship, and he looks at it briefly, and then he walks away while tucking it into his pocket. And then later, Julie finds the British vet at the bow of the ship. Turns out he just got his dream job offer, but it's in Australia. He assumes she's going to come with him, and she says she doesn't know if she can live with him, and he says he can't live without her, and then they make out. Did I mention they've known each other like two days? So all the storylines wrap up when it's time for everyone to get off the ship. The Mitchells are getting remarried. Nellie Olsen stopped being a bitch because of Vicky's magical words. The guys want to know what's up with Julie and the vet, and Julie says she's going to spend her vacation with him in Australia. And then he says that he's also proposed, but Julie says she won't tell them the answer. I bet the chimps know. And that's the most awesome thing I saw on TV last month. Tara: [1:01:35] Welcome in, grandpas. You missed a lot. You missed Kim's Most Awesome Thing for January, another in-depth look at the love boat. You missed our discussion of Wonder Man. You'll never know if we liked it or not. If you don't kick up that pledge to the $5 level, go to extrahotgreat.com slash club to change your pledge and get all the episodes and all the archives in full the way they were meant to be heard. Today's extra credit topic is TV's most important dairy products. And I have asked my fellow panelists to bring to the discussion three dairy products from TV. They can be anything but not eggs, even though they are often depicted alongside dairy products in your supermarket, for example. Eggs are not dairy. Dave: [1:02:23] Bold stance. Tara: [1:02:24] Thank you. I'll go first with my first. It is Joe's Chocolate Gelato from NewsRadio Season 2, episode one. Joe has been buying special gelato that's only available from one shop in Little Italy, but someone keeps stealing it out of the fridge at work, and he is determined to figure out who. Joe rigs a cup with an explosive device to splatter gelato all over the thief, although Matthew gets hit by accident when Joe is demonstrating it. Then Joe hides a camera in the freezer and catches Milos, the janitor, stealing it. Milos, of course, being the original of my first and still only social media bio i try to be good hard worker man but refrigerator so messy so so messy joe demands that dave fire milos but katherine gives joe 100 bucks to buy an extra cup for him each week and stop bitching about it but let's hear that clip how's everything milos oh he's good you got something for. Tara: [1:03:43] Extra gelato. Enjoy it with my compliments. There is also bonus dairy in this segment. Joe hides the camera in a large block of cheese, which also splatters Matthew in the face when he's playing around with it. So that's my first one. Dave. Dave: [1:03:59] All right. I'm going to go with the most obvious first thought one I had. It is, of course, from The Simpsons. Here it comes. I'm worried that all this posturing and saber rattling could lead to a teacher strike. Strike. Tara: [1:04:12] Ow. My bones are so brittle. But I always drink plenty of... Malk? Dave: [1:04:19] Now with vitamin R, it's malk. When your school has to save money, it's malk to the rescue. And of course, everybody knows now, if you've been to the grocery store, some idiot somewhere in the world created an alternative milk called malk. So you can actually buy malk, which, by the way, in the canon of The Simpsons, I believe is rat milk. Tara: [1:04:41] Yeah. Dave: [1:04:42] Yes. So enjoy your malk, everybody. Have at it. Sarah? Sarah: [1:04:47] Okay, let's leave this scary place. I went with a Sesame Street sketch for my first one. This has two dairy products in it. I'm just going to count it as one. It is a sketch about mnemonics. A little girl is dispatched to the store by her mom to get three items. She has to keep listing them until she gets there and back. This is a relic of the pre-Eitan Pates era in New York City when a kid this apparently little could just roll down to the bodega unaccompanied with a pocket full of change and by the following, clip one. Mommy, mommy, I remember. A loaf of bread, a container of milk. Tara: [1:05:22] And a stick of butter. You have a good memory, honey. Thank you, Mommy. Sarah: [1:05:27] This hung on for decades in my family of origin. To this day, nobody with the last name Bunting can say stick of butter. It's always a stick of butter. Also, the appearance of bread on my mom's shopping list back in the day meant that one of us would write the other two items in below. We are not normal, I think. Also, if you ever look it up online, this is the same animator who did the Sweet Rolls sketch that we tiny canonized in 385. Very 70s surrealist drawing style where everyone walks like they're in a marching band. So that is my first entry. Tara: [1:06:02] Nice. Well, I'll go back to The Simpsons with my next one. It is something I really can't improve on in the clip. Let's hear it. We take 18 ounces of sizzling ground beef and soak it, a fried egg. We call it the Good Morning Burger. That is, of course, the most important ingredient from the Good Morning Burger. That is from The Simpsons Season 3, Episode 23. It is rich, creamery butter. Dave: [1:06:37] Also one of the most important Homer drool-worthy vignettes, I think. Sarah: [1:06:42] Oh, yes. Tara: [1:06:43] Many online people have tried to recreate the Good Morning Burger themselves. And good luck to them and their cardiologist. Sarah: [1:06:51] Dave. Dave: [1:06:51] I'm going to blast out three that have no clips. First one is Cadbury's dairy milk ad. Do anybody remember this one with the gorilla? Tara: [1:07:00] Oh, yeah. Dave: [1:07:01] I don't know if it aired in the U.S. because the Cadbury is not really big here. So this could have been a Commonwealth commercial only. But it starts with the drum machine part of In the Air Tonight by Phil Collins. And there is, not joking, a full one minute dolly back shot, like reverse zoom. Very, very slow. it starts completely centered in the gorilla's eye and we're still hearing in the air tonight and just slowly pans back you know you see more of his face flaring nostrils mouth and then eventually you get you sort of see his shoulders and part of his torso and he starts cracking his neck and then it finally at the one minute mark pulls far enough back you can see he's at a drum kit and then of course when the drop happens in in the air tonight he just goes ham on the drums and he's doing that bit. And that's the commercial. And then it's just like a picture of a dairy bar at the end of the commercial just ends. That's it. That's all there is. Tara: [1:07:54] Dairy milk sells itself. It's so good. Dave: [1:07:58] Yeah. I'll put that in the show notes if I remember. It's a really good ad. Okay. Two more. One from Got Milk. We have to mention Got Milk. Of course, the best one, the Aaron Burr. Tara: [1:08:08] Oh, yeah. Sarah: [1:08:08] Oh, Burr. Tara: [1:08:09] Oh, Burr. Sarah: [1:08:10] Yeah. Dave: [1:08:11] And I'm going to throw one here. It's sort of a once removed, but I'm gonna go with the Mason Dairy Farm from the rebooted Perry Mason which gave us the character Perry Mason and where he's at in that show. Sarah: [1:08:24] Oh, yeah. Dave: [1:08:25] Yeah. And plays a part in Perry Mason season one as well. Tara: [1:08:28] Yeah, yeah. Sarah. Sarah: [1:08:30] Sopranos season two finale, Fun House, is of course where Tony's food poisoning fever dreams reveal to him a fact that he has been resisting, namely the big pussy, is a rat for the feds. When Artie Bucco comes by the house during the depths of Tony's illness, Tony accuses the muscles at Vesuvio of causing the eruption. Sorry. And the ensuing bedside debate parallels the episode's main plot, with Tony not wanting a fairly evident fact to be true, clip two. Here's what I'm talking about. Tony, you ate mussels? Prince Edward Island. Tara: [1:09:03] Top of the line. After an entire Indian dinner? You ate at an Indian restaurant? There you go. Oh, it was the mussels. They came up undigested. They came undigested? How could they be the cause? It's where my body shut down. Self-protection. You know what they cook with in Indian restaurants? It's clarified butter. I mean, you. Sarah: [1:09:23] Get a rancid, hit it at, and, you know, you can imagine. No need. We heard it all. Tara: [1:09:30] My last one, and I do have an alternate as well, in case anyone picked this before I could get to it, but it is the suspiciously delicious frozen yogurt from Seinfeld Season 5, Episode 7. A neighbor of Jerry's has opened a shop selling frozen yogurt everyone is crazy for. Let's hear the clip. They put real blueberries in it. Real blueberries. What kind did you get? Coffee. And they grind up that. Huh? Huh? Que rico. Suave. And it's nonfat. How could this not have any fat? It's too good. It is too good, unfortunately. After she and Jerry start putting on weight, Elaine has the frozen yogurt tested and it is determined that the nonfat claims are fraudulent. And then they be briefly become pariahs in the neighborhood for making them switch to actually fat frozen yogurt that sucks Dave my. Dave: [1:10:24] Last one is for Jamie Lee Curtis in. Tara: [1:10:26] Activia oh wow nice that is important and. Dave: [1:10:31] Let's hear one. Tara: [1:10:32] Mm-hmm you okay Jamie Lee, When I was 18, 19, 20 years old, I would have been afraid to say this, but not now. I just pooped in my pants. Sarah: [1:11:18] Oh, no. Tara: [1:11:19] Oh, no. Dave: [1:11:23] That's the actual commercial. Tara: [1:11:25] Sarah. Sarah: [1:11:26] All right. To close things up, one of the more deranged residents of Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends who both has very strong feelings about a certain dairy product and is one himself. Clip three. Can I help you? Yes, I caught that before. Dave: [1:11:44] Frankie! This kid wants some chocolate milk! I like chocolate milk. Tara: [1:11:50] Yes! Yes, I know! Just take it! Dave: [1:11:56] He seems nice. What's name, dear? Cheese. His name is Cheese. Yes. Oh, God. Sarah: [1:12:06] Yes. Dave: [1:12:06] So good. Sarah: [1:12:07] I love him so much. Tara: [1:12:09] All right. Sarah: [1:12:10] Cannot believe nobody else picked him. Dave: [1:12:12] Still mad that episode didn't get into the canon. I think that's the one that still bothers me after all this time. Can't remember any other ones I put up, but never got in. But I remember that one. Tara: [1:12:22] Yeah. Dave: [1:12:22] Sorry. Sarah: [1:12:23] What happened with that. Dave: [1:12:24] Joe? Tara: [1:12:25] I know. Sarah: [1:12:27] Fucking Joe. Tara: [1:12:28] We love Joe. Don't be mad at Joe. All right. Well, those are my canonical three. But just as a backup, let's hear my last clip. We asked all of you before the show to state how many pints of milk per month you drink If you think that. Sarah: [1:12:55] He guzzles 37 pints of milk per month What? You have a pint of day? I have more than a pint of day I'm sure of it. Tara: [1:13:03] Yeah What are you a calf? Is it fed to you in a big bottle? Yeah. It's on cereal, a lot of tea and coffee, and it's also drunk meat. Meat. Okay. That was neat. From Taskmaster Series 11, Episode 2, Milk Wozniak talking about his extreme milk. Dave: [1:13:22] God, I love him. Tara: [1:13:23] He's so good. He's the best. Oh. Dave: [1:13:27] All right, guys, that is it for another episode of Extra, Extra Hot Great. We asked Wonder Man in for a callback before answering your burning ask EHG questions like what's up with the St. Louis cut and who's playing Surf Dracula? Tara was not jamming to our final vote for Raz Trent for the Tiny Sketch Cannon. We celebrated those who weren't quite the best and worst of the week. Kim talked up the love boat on Kimbrey's Most Awesome Thing I Watched on TV last month. And we wrapped it all up with a look at important TV dairy moments. Next up, it is the Muppet Show special with Adam Grossworth. Remember. We're listening. I am David Tickel. And on behalf of Tari Ariano. Tara: [1:14:15] Excuse I. Dave: [1:14:17] And Sarah D. Bunting. Sarah: [1:14:19] Give my love to Uma. Dave: [1:14:21] Thanks for listening. And we'll see you next time right here on Extra Extra Electric.