Is A Knight Of The Seven Kingdoms More Than Mead Nonsense?

Clip: [0:22] When are they going to get to the fireworks factory?! Dave: [0:31] This is the Extra Extra Hot Great Podcast, episode 392 for the January 24th, 2026 weekend. I am Giant Night Dong, David T. Cole, and I'm here with antler crown Sarah D. Bunting. dancing for it and fetching puppeteer Tara Ariano. Tara: [0:54] I'm Dornish. Dave: [1:05] I love a good dornish in the morning with. Tara: [1:08] My coffee i know there's like a dornishman song from the original show who is notable that is dornish you don't know i. Dave: [1:16] Don't even know what you're talking about. Tara: [1:17] Okay that's sorry the puppeteer is from Dorn. Dave: [1:20] The Dornish people own Gronland? Tara: [1:24] Yes, but we can't get into current events. Hello, listeners. Thank you so much for being here. Welcome to Extra Extra Hot Great for another weekend. We are back with our full normal compliment. Welcome back, Sarah. Sarah: [1:37] America's the big star. Tara: [1:38] There she is. Sarah: [1:40] The jar. Tara: [1:42] You probably would have had more fun last week with this topic, but you are back in time for your most anticipated painted show of 2026. Just kidding. A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms. 200 or so years before the birth of Daenerys Targaryen, Dunk, Peter Claffey, is a squire to a hedge knight named Sir Arlen, Dany Webb. Or rather, he was because Sir Arlen dies apparently right before the events of the first episode. Dunk buries him, then takes his sword and horses and heads out toward Ashford Meadow to try to compete in a jousting tournament. Tara: [2:14] On the way, he meets a very confident, bald child at an inn. Dunk refuses the child's request that Dunk take him on as a squire. And as Dunk starts figuring out in Ashford that Sir Arlen was not as widely loved or even known as Dunk thought, he finds out that the kid, whose name is Egg and who is played by Dexter Saul Ansel, has followed Dunk to his camp and is already doing squire stuff. On spec, Dunk decides to give him a trial run and a classic tall guy, small guy friendship is formed. The show was created by Ira Parker, formerly of good shows like Better Things and The Sympathizer, and also less good shows like The Nevers and The Last Ship. It was adapted from a series of novellas by, who else, Game of Thrones author George R.R. Martin. Only the first episode has aired so far on HBO. We got access to all six that will air this season, but we will be careful about spoilers. Although, if you really care about spoilers, you probably already read the 30-year-old books that the show is based on, and to which they seem to be very closely following. Also, it's already been renewed for a second season. FYI, let's do the Chen check-in. Sarah, should our listeners. Forgot which order we usually go in. Dave: [3:24] What's your name again? Tara: [3:25] I know your name. Sadie. Should our listeners watch A Night of the Seven Kingdoms? Sarah: [3:32] Nah. Tara: [3:33] Dave. Dave: [3:33] I'm going to say no as well, but I just want to redo my intro now that it is in my head. And confident bald child, David T. Cole. Tara: [3:47] Speaking of the intro i really thought it was going to be the theme song ending with loud explosive diarrhea behind a tree yeah i'm kind of shocked that it wasn't yeah. Dave: [3:57] It's like it rhymes first you see the guy shitting behind a tree and then later there's a horse shitting just because. Tara: [4:03] It's just like. Dave: [4:04] It rhymes man. Tara: [4:05] Yeah no for me as well let's get into it i already brought it up one of the first things to happen in the series premiere is a poop Sight gag, clever satire on the pompous ambitions of Game of Thrones, or a moment to set comedic expectations the show did not really have any intention to fulfill. I'm going to go to Dave first because he watched more of it. Dave: [4:24] Yeah, so what happens is you start hearing the classic Game of Thrones theme and you think you're building up to that credit sequence or some big reveal or some action extravaganza. And then it's a smash cut to this guy having explosive diarrhea next to a tree. So not setting a high bar right at the start. I'm not above poopy humor, as you know. Sarah: [4:48] I love a good fart. Tara: [4:49] I think we all are. Dave: [4:50] Sure. But the show just really is in an unsatisfying middle ground between taking the piss out of Game of Thrones, which could have worked in the world of Game of Thrones. It wouldn't be an affront to the people that like this whole universe. But it doesn't. It doesn't get there comedically, and the rest of it is just sort of like more of the same of the marginalia that we've already seen in Game of Thrones proper. Like, there's a tournament, and there's jousting, and like, okay, fine, we've seen that in the thousand episodes of Game of Thrones and pop culture in general. So it sort of lives or dies by that balance, and the balance isn't there. And then on top of that, the question of why is this so slow and long? But I'll save that. Tara: [5:36] Yeah. Sarah: [5:36] Sarah, that's exactly it. I think that there was an opportunity here to bring in people who find the Westeros verse pretty tiresome and full of itself. it's less tiresome and less full of itself than most properties that I've endured exactly one episode of in order to talk about it on this universe of podcasts. Tara: [5:57] Yes. Sarah: [5:57] There are a couple of good performances. I think the kid who plays Egg is quite good and underplays certain things that the writing is trying to over-index. It's not terrible. It's not exhausting, but it's not good enough or quick enough for me to keep going with it. Because especially since this kind of bespoke, worn-in burlap and jousting and mead nonsense is just not for me. So you have to have something else to say. Yeah. And, you know, humor's a good start. Him, like a tall guy, constantly banging his head on stuff. Okay. I liked the Naked Gun films. I'm not against this, but it's still just a little too reverent towards the universe that it's like, or whatever, that it's a satellite in, I guess, is how you would put it. Dave: [6:53] I would like to propose to the podcast board that we start calling this type of show. Mead nonsense. Sarah: [7:02] Motion carries. Not for mead. Dave: [7:07] I don't mind that the story is small. That's fine. I think that could work very well. Certainly if you were worn down by, you know, everything that happened in Game of Thrones only for it to end poorly, then maybe you're ready. That is your appetite. You just want to be gently rocked in your cradle back in this world. And I don't mind that it's a little corner of this world. It is not the giant expansive story. That's fine too. It's just that this show based on a novella, right? is way too long. Like I have a series of notes. Boy, that first episode was a snooze. Boy, that second episode was a snooze. It is not until the third episode that we are actually getting like storyline reveals and anything that is different from the first 20 minutes of the first episode. So it's just another one of those cases where it is the wrong length for the source material. I understand they're sequels. This should have been like two episodes a book or something like that if they're all the same size, like way too many episodes for this content, which is a shame because this formula could really be a boon to this series. Dave: [8:15] You know, if you heard, oh, there's a Game of Thrones, but it's kind of fun and you haven't watched Game of Thrones since Game of Thrones, you'd be like, yeah, maybe that's a good way to get back into it. But it's not. This should have been more like Werewolf by Night from Marvel, where it's just like, here's a one-off. It's this one story. We're going to tell it very quickly. There's a werewolf by night. He's doing a lot of things like it could have been better if it was more like that. Sarah: [8:39] Or like high maintenance size episodes, high maintenance. I don't know. Like, I understand that they have paid for and invested in all these production elements for a medieval Luke. But get on with it. Like, if you don't have that much story and you and what you want from this is for people who are like Game of Thrones is up its own ass. Tara: [9:04] Yeah. Sarah: [9:05] To sort of come into the multicolored tent, then you have to move it along. It's just a little too still devoted to its own expense and regard. Dave: [9:18] The first episode sets up this big tournament that's going to make or break our lead character, Dunk, as far as his personal finances go and his road to glory or whatever he wants to do for himself. And I figured, OK, it's either going to be episode one ends on and now here we go. I'm galloping towards the other guy or it actually starts in episode one and then we see the results and then we're on to the next story beat. Tara: [9:42] Mm hmm. Dave: [9:50] Like by episode three, we still haven't seen him in action. And I'm like, what the fuck is going on here? Not, you know, and it's not like something else happened in lieu of that. That was interesting. That would take the place of that set piece or, you know, that character milestone. It just sort of plotted along. Here's a spoiler based on the books, not on the series. So don't come at me, HBO. But let's just say about halfway through the material, we find out the secret about Egg, which is the reason Egg is bald is because he's one of the Targaryens and he's shaving his head so you don't see his Aryan beautiful locks of hair. Tara: [10:31] White blonde hair. Dave: [10:32] Right. That is the big reveal. And that's at the end of the third episode, which is halfway through the season. Tara: [10:38] Yes. Dave: [10:39] And you knew something was up with him. Like, why would they have a kid that looks like he's been shaving his head every day? P.S. How is he keeping that head so very smooth and stubble-free? Tara: [10:49] Yeah. Dave: [10:50] Like, that needed to be a scene in the first episode where he just steals away the middle of a night. And he's got a straight razor and he's spinning. Sarah: [10:55] Or like he's napping a flint every night to keep, like, okay. Dave: [11:00] Yeah. Tara: [11:00] Yeah. Dave: [11:00] Is there Westeros Nair in this universe? He just, like, sticks on his head every night and just lets it goo off? Sarah: [11:07] Nair. That's the name I've not heard in a long time. Tara: [11:11] Nera is one of the Seven Kingdoms, actually. Dave: [11:13] So, again, that just speaks to the pacing. Like, why are these big things happening halfway through a short story? And, you know, it needed to be compressed. Tara: [11:22] Yeah. Dave: [11:22] And that's sort of the big disappointment of this show. Like, otherwise, I probably, you know, could have recommended it for a certain Game of Thrones type of person. But just on an objective pacing level, it is terrible. Yeah. Tara: [11:51] Well, the issue for me is twofold. Pacing is one and tone is the other. And it's like the marketing sort of makes it seem like this is going to be the, you know, now we're going to do a fun one. This is the goofy one. There's jokes in the trailer. Ha ha. And so you sort of think, and this is initially before I watched it, I pitched to GQ for my post on it, which we'll link in the show notes. and it's like this is game of thrones's turn to do their sitcom like she hulk for marvel or, lower decks for star trek obviously and sort of for skeleton crew i mean it sort of got dark at the end but it was like that one was definitely for kids and about kids more so than anything else in the star wars tv universe and then in the first episode you get the game master telling him about the ashford chair where you we hang you naked and fuck you dry on a spike it's like whoa i saw a kid on the poster i thought this would be fun for me and my child guess not and then because it's so game of thronesy and again this is a spoiler for the book don't come at me It only takes until halfway through before a girl is being violently assaulted because like this is the failure of imagination of all of Game of Thrones for me. It's like you can make up this whole world with all these like different languages and sir spelled with an E just for fun or whatever. Like we but but the sub violent subjugation of women is still like something. No, well, we can't can't get rid of the tank. We got to have that. So it's like just another disappointment. Dave: [13:19] Yeah, I was surprised the first time we see all the lady helpers in the tent town is that they immediately go, oops, my dress fell off. We actually didn't get that scene, which I was like, wow, this really is a new era in Game of Thrones universe. But then I remember at the start. Sarah: [13:35] I haven't seen a nipple in weeks. Dave: [13:36] Right. And then I remember at the start of the episode where Dunk is sort of like imagining his life as possibly being hired in like a company town to do security, basically. Tara: [13:48] And. Dave: [13:49] He's like imagining things he's like you there stop raping sir i'm. Tara: [13:52] Like yeah i don't know is that the tone. Dave: [13:55] You want to set in your first three minutes i guess so. Tara: [13:58] Yeah that. Dave: [13:59] Just speaks to what you've been talking about. Tara: [14:00] Yeah i mean this is like it goes back to the the surf dracula tweet and we all remember it but i'll read it anyway from 2021 a twitter user named topher florence tweeted back in the day if you did a tv show called surf dracula you'd see that fool surfing every week and do adventures but in the streaming era the entire first season got to be a long-ass flashback to how he got the surfboard until you finally get to see him surf for five minutes in the finale. And that basically, spoiler again, is like, that's the shape of this season. We don't see Dunk on a horse until the finale. Dave: [14:31] Yeah. Tara: [14:31] Like on a horse doing jousting, I mean. Sarah: [14:33] Actual medieval texts that sent the heroes on quests like sir gowan and the green knight like they they did manage to be sort of funny given that people are being beheaded every couple of pages but there was a wit to it and there were stakes besides you're gonna get beheaded or raped like find something else like find other quests to do like uh i don't know get a puzzle book i don't know it just seems a little bit at you know like find some stakes that aren't a felonies yeah just an idea i. Dave: [15:11] Deign to solve this puzzle but it leaves me vexed. Tara: [15:14] Yeah i'm just saying like if if the girl has to be the catalyst for like dunks heroic moment like she could have gotten all of her puppeteer theater profits stolen from or something like it could. Sarah: [15:26] Be something. Tara: [15:27] Else but it's not. Sarah: [15:28] It's always right It's always rape in Westeros. Dave: [15:32] And just speaking to the dunk humor stuff, it's not like Game of Thrones was devoid of that. Like the closest thing I think what they're going for in moments of Game of Thrones is when you have scenes with, trying to remember his name, Rory McCain, the Hound. Tara: [15:48] The Hound. Dave: [15:49] Yarp, that guy. He had scenes that were kind of playing normally, but were infused with comic timing, use the rough and tumble universe's setting as a, you know, a delivery method for his grumpy humor. Something along those lines could have been employed here better. And it kind of isn't. So even comparing apples to apples, comedic moments here, comedic moments in Game of Thrones, they actually hit better in Game of Thrones, despite nobody really thinking of that as their first thought about what happens in Game of Thrones. Tara: [16:22] Yeah. Dave: [16:34] All right, everybody, I hope your affairs are in order because it is time for Ask EHG. All right, let's spin the wheel to see who's going to be our Ask Ask EHG judge this week. It is Tara. Tara, take it away. Tara: [17:08] Hello. Well, Dave, why don't you start us off with your answer to which space TV property should be relaunched as a purely terrestrial enterprise? And this question comes to us from Damon. Dave: [17:20] All right. My answer is Space 1999 becomes 1999. And it's the show where we just watched Martin Lando watching TV from 1999. So the episodes are The X-Files, Malcolm in the Middle, Felicity, Freaks and Geeks, Buffy, Popular, West Wing, Voyager, Roswell, Dawson's Creek, and Making the Band. That's your first season. Tara: [17:41] Sounds good to me. Not a ton of answers to this one. I guess everyone still is on a holiday hangover, but I have one runner-up. Mandrake says, Star Maidens, they're dressed the same, but they're just Earth women who are celebrities. And if you've seen even a second of Star Maidens, you know. Yeah, some of these I can see on the red carpet at the Golden Globes or what have you. But our winner is Monty. Monty's pitch is Battlestar Galactica, but now they're a fleet of RVs in Death Valley being pursued by a pack of Roombas. Which human is secretly a Roomba? The answer may surprise you and also the writers. Great job, Monty. Sarah: [18:19] Yeah, that was really good. Any mention of a Roomba? Chef's kiss. Tara: [18:24] So DM Dave on Discord to get your stick airs. Dave: [18:29] Please do. Thank you, Monty. All right, let's get into your questions for us. First one comes from Diatho. Now that Pluribus is a hit, Tim Apple wants to hear your pitch for Unum. Tara. Tara: [18:40] You know, Lakshmi, who is the other unaffected person who is always calling Carol to yell at her for doing things that upset Lakshmi's son, who is part of a collective. Let's do a show about Lakshmi, an even more unpleasant character than Carol. Why not? Sarah. Sarah: [18:57] You know that cloning movie, Multiplicity, starring Michael Keaton? Tara: [19:00] Of course. Dave: [19:01] Sure. Sarah: [19:02] It's that, except it's a gazillion Carols and still just the one Andy McDowell playing herself. Why? I don't know. You'll have to watch to find out. Dave. Dave: [19:12] After an alien signal reduced the world to only have one of any object, the only human left, Count Von Count, wanders the world in search of something to count. Count Van Count is played by Justin Theroux. Sarah: [19:28] Yeah. Dave: [19:29] E.C. Fell has our next question. What TV cliffhanger or mystery within a show would you like to see presented in the style of classic Unsolved Mysteries, complete with Robert Stack and reenactments? Sarah, fittingly going first here. Sarah, do you want to hear the Unsolved Mysteries clip under your explanation? Sarah: [19:49] Yeah. my head knows i will not be happier knowing what happened here but my heart still wants to see stacky and his trench coat stalking along a snowy knoll in the pine barrens sucking on a frozen mustard packet and intoning about organized crime blood spatter patterns on trees and whether the russian could have survived on the sopranos update it's never happening davey. Dave: [20:17] I'm gonna try do a Robert Sack impression here. It's going to be terrible. But quick. Who drew the penises on the car? Tara: [20:29] How everyone else's shit keeps ending up on Bill's desk in NewsRadio. Dave: [20:34] Nice. All right, Nilsnack has our next question. Can one of you help find my TV remote? I swear I've looked everywhere and it's been a month already. Tara? Tara: [20:46] If you've already looked everywhere, I don't know how much help any of us could be. I would say assume it somehow got swept into the trash. Buy another one. As soon as it arrives, you're going to find the original, Dave. Sarah: [20:58] That was also part of my answer. Dave: [21:01] Have you checked up your butt? Sarah? Tara: [21:03] Nice. Sarah: [21:04] I threw a link for this into the show notes, but maybe it's an event boundary thing. That is the scientific name for when you go into a room, forget why you did so and ask it slash its other occupants why you came in there. This is also called the doorway effect, basically crossing into another space, reset something in the brain, which is how remotes end up in freezers or on top of microwaves, for example. So try casting your mind back to when you might've been in the middle of setting up an episode marathon and then sprinted into the kitchen to get the microwave popcorn. Our remote has ended up in the snack bowl before. Just retrace your steps, see if it's somewhere. And if that doesn't work, as Tara noted, sometimes the only way to flush out the old one is to order a new one. And then you have two. Dave: [21:48] Seth W., I've been watching Industry to prepare for the new season, and it kind of bums me out that there's no real intro for the show. Could you help mitigate my sadness by providing a chorus or verse for a conceptual Industry theme song? Thanks. So, Rudy Bundy, you're first. Sarah: [22:04] This is not what you meant, probably. But once I had the idea, it would not leave. So I'm going to go with it. The OJ's for the love of money, i.e. The Apprentice theme song, needs redemption and has solid bones. So hand it over to a punk band and just do like the first 12 bars. And there's your intro for the show. Tara. Tara: [22:23] It's time for industry. Finance ghouls, boy, they love to scheme. Diddy, diddy, diddy. Oh, yeah, you can watch. I can skip. Hope all the stocks are blue chip. Oh, see those desks. Nothing's free. Dig it. It's industry. Thank you so much. Dave: [23:01] Very nice. Well, here's mine, I guess. We like pounds, comma, sex because we're young and attractive. We like power. cocks and two smoking bottoms. It's industry. Sarah: [23:22] I wish everyone could have enjoyed the hand gestures. Dave: [23:25] It was real. Kendall Roy at his birthday party. Sarah: [23:29] Yeah. Tara: [23:30] Very that. Dave: [23:31] Renzi, for some reason we're getting season four of Ted Lasso. What supposedly dead show would you rather have a fourth season of besides globe? All right. I'm going to say kill the movie and give me that fourth season of Deadwood. The movie wrap-up was not so satisfying. I would like to see that play out and I think change because there wasn't that giant gap in the timeline because time actually continued after those two events. And if we're not going to do that one based on that technicality, I would love to see today's continuation of Batman 66. Tara: [24:08] Sarah? Sarah: [24:09] Well, I know Tara's going to say the newsroom. Just kidding. I will say Hannibal if I recall correctly, that ending was left vague enough and with enough room to tie it back into subsequent events of previous properties, which they were always pretty good at being like, this is sort of a side or like parallel universe with the same people in it. I think they could do a shortish season really with any framework where they all are now just a two-hander with Mads Mikkelsen and Anthony Hopkins. I had no complaints about the ending as is, but that show was so thoughtful and compelling to look at, as was Mads Mikkelsen. I would happily watch a season four, especially if it's on streaming so that we can see some butts. That's my answer. Tara. Tara: [24:54] Simple and easy. Somebody somewhere. Simple and easy. Just like the show. This is something I think they definitely could revisit, like periodically sort of looking style with a just a check in movie to see where the characters are. But a fourth season would be even better. Dave: [25:10] Next question comes from Vandy. What series do you want to see do a Renaissance Festival episode? Tara? Tara: [25:17] Now that I've thought of it, it actually seems weird. They haven't done that on Harley Quinn. Dave: [25:21] Yeah. Tara: [25:22] Putting those characters in various Renaissance situations. You don't want to see Bane with double fisting turkey legs. Of course you do. Sarah. Sarah: [25:31] Now I do. There has been some talk on our discord about the pit doing one in like season four and how that would be a good like mass casualty midseason event. I do not disagree, but I'm still going to say the lowdown instead because I think Lee Rabon would have just the right attitude towards Ren Farians, like curious, but occasionally disrespectful slash baffled, which is kind of kind of our vibe towards it, I would say. Dave? Dave: [25:57] Yeah, going to a Ren Faire is on my list of nightmare scenarios I hope never to have happened to me. So, I mean, I guess I would like to see this happen to the people of succession, because no one would have a good time except for cousin Greg. And he is like super into it. He like arrives, everybody's like grumpy. It's like some sort of corporate obligation to the family. But he arrives, he's in like his wizard robes and he's got the he's got the mead nonsense dialed up to 11 and he's really into it. Everybody is furious with him because of it. Tara: [26:32] I can see that actually working because, you know, his grandfather is played by James Cromwell. He is a weird eccentric crank. He seems like someone who would have a wizard costume and make everyone else go and they all have to go to secure his vote on some board thing or whatever. Dave: [26:48] I think James Cromwell's character in the 70s wrote like the first sort of dungeon crawling video game that made a ton of money. And he was doing like computer con appearances in character like in San Diego and Modesto for like three years to promote it. Yeah, this is a great backstory. Sarah: [27:06] I know. I love it. Make it so. Dave: [27:08] All right. Next question comes from Corey A.H. Hi, you've reached the Corey hotline. $4.95 a minute. Tara: [27:16] Here are some words that rhyme with Corey. Glory, story, allegory, Montessori. Dave: [27:25] All right. They asked, Cast Master has just revealed their cast for season 21. What do you think? So the cast has two members that I recognize their name. One, Armando Annucci. Two, Kamal Nanjani. Tara: [27:41] Yep. Dave: [27:41] I fear that I might have contracted Nanjani overload in the past couple of years. Plus the times that I've crossed his social media, it really feels like he doesn't do it. And it's all like super commerce based. And they didn't really like that. Like it didn't seem genuine. So that doesn't help. He may be really great on Taskmaster. I don't see how he could bring that energy to Taskmaster. So I suspect he'll be fun. But I'm tempering my expectations. What I'm very curious about is Anuchi, because I don't know him beyond his words, like what he's written. I don't really know him as a human being person. I understand that he's probably had appearances on all the newsy sketch shows that he's in the UK, but that's all passed me by. So I am genuinely curious about that. How his really sharp wit translates into the Taskmaster arena? Big question mark. Tara: [28:33] Yeah, I agree. Since he is. Did you say who he is? Dave: [28:37] Oh, he's the writer of Thick of It in the UK and Veep here, amongst other stuff. Tara: [28:42] Yeah, he's a long- Death of Stalin, et cetera. Yeah, he wrote and direct, I think directed Death of Stalin. He's a longtime Steve Coogan. Like he, the two of them created the Alan Partridge character together, I think. And he also wrote on like the day-to-day, another very, I would say formative British satire show. So anyway, he has a podcast now where he sort of does like news commentary. So I have not listened to it, but I think he's he's got an orient in terms of performing in some kind of a way. Since he, however, is filling the designated older person slot, I hope he's more Steve Pemberton than Sanjay Baskar to cite a couple of recent examples of like oftentimes the older person is like doesn't care and doesn't want to participate. And it's just like when their segments come up, you're like, well, here we go. It's going to be dull as hell. That was definitely the case with Sanjay last season. Sorry. I'm sure he's a great comic actor, but he did not impress me in his appearance on the show. In terms of Kumail, there are probably 200 American comedy performers I would have cast ahead of him, like truly. And I like him okay, but like, I don't see this. I don't see this for him. I mean, I'd love to be proven wrong. And I think it's hard for anyone to like come across completely terrible on the show. I'm sure he will find his way, like you said. Dave: [30:00] Well, the show by design breaks you down. Tara: [30:03] Yes. Dave: [30:03] You know, where the army makes you part of the hive, this sort of just makes you a little bit crazy. So I think that helps. But yeah, I'm curious how how loose he can be. Tara: [30:11] Yeah, I talked about it when we came back. He had a recently released a new comedy special called Night Thoughts on Hulu. And so he was doing the podcast rounds for that in December. And so I heard him in back to back podcast appearances on Caleb Heron's podcast. So true. And then on Stavi's World. And he was like funny and quick and good. So, you know, I'm sure he'll be fine. But the issue with Taskmaster is always every season that goes by that doesn't have Paul F. Tompkins involved in some way is like, just feels wrong to me. And I know Dave's like secret conspiracy theory based on nothing is that the reason they still haven't cast him is that they're preparing to do an American version where he would be the taskmaster, which like, again, we have no evidence of this. We don't have any inside knowledge. Dave: [30:52] I think he's going to be like one of the first season contestants. If they bring that to the US, there is no question in my mind that Greg and Alex Horne will be the host and taskmaster of that, or rather the assistant taskmaster of that. Tara: [31:05] Yeah, I guess you're right. I mean, the tour sort of suggests that as well. Dave: [31:09] I think that's them trying to start the motor. Tara: [31:11] Yeah, which by the way, I saw someone posted on one of the discords I follow that the front row tickets for, I believe the DC show were going on StubHub for $28,000, which is absolutely nuts. Sarah: [31:24] Oh my God, that's deranged. Dave: [31:27] Going or bought? Tara: [31:28] No, they were listed for that. Dave: [31:30] Okay, well, that's just somebody's wishful thinking. Tara: [31:32] I guess. Dave: [31:32] I'm curious what the actual highest sale price is. Tara: [31:35] Yeah. I don't know. Dave: [31:37] I mean, I could put a ticket up for a million dollars. Tara: [31:39] Right. Sarah: [31:39] Well, yeah, but StubHub usually tells you, like, you can get away with this. Dave: [31:43] Oh, really? Sarah: [31:43] So. Dave: [31:45] Huh. Tara: [31:45] Yeah. Dave: [31:45] Can you pre-bid on there? Like, if something pops up for this row, I will pay this much kind of thing? Tara: [31:51] I have no idea. Sarah: [31:52] All right. Maybe? Dave: [31:52] Yeah. I think so. Sounds like something they would do. All right. Anyways. Tara: [31:55] Anyway, there are three other contestants whose names are Amy Gledhill, Joanna Page, and Joel Domet, and I have never heard of them even one time in my life until they showed up on that list. So, good luck to everybody. Dave: [32:05] Yep. All right. Here's one just for Tara. It comes from Jesse. Tara, are the unused winners losers links posted in the Discord? Does that happen immediately after taping the episode, immediately before, at, or at some other time? Tara: [32:18] For people who are listening but are not in the Discord, which, why not? What they're describing is throughout the week, I copy, you know, winner and loser news from my various rounds in my RSS reader. I just put them in the doc for our next episode, and then those are where we choose them from. And generally, I put them in the Discord after we've all picked. Tara: [32:38] For whatever the next episode is. Dave: [32:40] All right, there's your answer. Diatho is back. If you put one lasagna on top of another lasagna, do you have one lasagna or two lasagnas? Trick question. If you lay one on top of the other like a stack, you've got one big lasagna. If you laid one on the other perpendicularly, you've got two lasagnas. Something to think about. Tara: [33:01] Yeah, stacked, that's just a really tall lasagna. That's one lasagna. Dave: [33:05] Yeah, it's a mega lasagna. Tara: [33:06] Sarah. Dave: [33:07] Which is something from Jurassic Park as well. Sarah: [33:09] I think the important thing here is this. If you put three lasagna, one on top of the other, you have a trois zagna. Thank you for your attention to this matter. Dave: [33:22] And if you put next to each other, you have a long zagna. Tara: [33:26] Yeah. It's like a six foot sub of lasagna. Dave: [33:29] That's right. New question askner. Askner? Yep. New question asker, Craft Beard Michigan is how I choose to interpret his name. Tara: [33:40] Could be 1001. Dave: [33:42] That's true. You purchase a variety pack of a food item from Costco with three flavors. One you love, one you loathe, and one just fine. What order do you eat through the pack? Tara: [33:53] I don't buy that variety pack. If there's one I loathe, what would be the point? That's trash. Dave: [33:58] I agree. This is Costco derangement syndrome. People that actually buy these. You're not saving money if you're not getting what you want. If it is all tasty, delicious, favorite flavor, go for it. And I'm stealing from a post I made 12 months ago. But if half of it is the flavor cinnamon shoe, don't buy it because you're not going to like it. So you forced me to answer. I would have the ones I like and the rest of them would stay in the back room until it came time for the annual back room cleanup, in which case they would disappear into the garbage. Tara: [34:28] And furthermore, if they're putting out variety packs that have a flavor you don't like, you should also stop buying them because that will stop them doing this. Just put out all one flavor of whatever the thing is. Dave: [34:40] What bewilders me about when Costco does these is that a lot of the times, if it's a, let's just say like soda, right? You get the... Tara: [34:49] Olipop. Dave: [34:50] Yeah, yeah, yeah. Olipop or poppy or whatever it's called. Tara: [34:53] Yeah. Dave: [34:53] Like a lot of them don't even feature like the biggest sellers. It's always like, it's strawberry and like mint asphalt. And you're like, what? You know, where is just like your cola or something like that, right? Like it just doesn't make any sense to me. So the answer is like, avoid it. All right. But Sarah might have a different answer. Tara: [35:13] She might. Sarah: [35:14] No, life's too short to force yourself through shitty snacks. So but like sometimes there is a pack that's like, I love this one and I only really like that one. So it's like love to the end of the pack so that I'm left with more that I love. Tara: [35:31] Yeah. When I was a kid, they used to have like the Quaker Oats sachets. Dave: [35:35] Yeah. Tara: [35:36] My parents would always buy the variety pack. And at the end of every one, it would be like you'd left, you were left with plain and raisin. Dave: [35:42] Yeah. Sarah: [35:43] Of course. Tara: [35:43] And when I, the first time I actually went to do grocery shopping and saw, oh my God, they have boxes that are all just maple and brown sugar. What are we wasting our time with this other bullshit? Sarah: [35:53] Just get peaches and cream. Why are we doing this? Tara: [35:56] Yes, exactly. Sarah: [35:56] God. Anyway, yeah. Dave: [35:58] It's like those little tiny cereal boxes they sell in the eight packs. Tara: [36:01] Yes. Dave: [36:02] And it's like, oh, fucking hell. Tara: [36:03] Why do you put it? Sarah: [36:04] Just miss me with the cornflakes. Tara: [36:05] Nobody cares. Sarah: [36:06] Frost it or die. Dave: [36:08] If you're. Tara: [36:09] Buying it because you see Froot Loops up front and then you turn it around there's fucking bran flakes like that is that is a real bait. Dave: [36:15] And switch I'm. Tara: [36:16] Not here for it. Dave: [36:17] I don't know if this ever happened but I think this would be really funny if you bought one of those little variety packs and one of them was Weetabix and it was just one Weetabix inside the box one Weetabix one Weetabix, all right we gotta move on plural Diana do you save the two ends of the loaf of bread for last or do you use the first one when you open the package? Breadstrat. Sarah: [36:42] Sarah, we're going to need that food, food, food, Sandra pretty soon. I grew up just eating the loaf straight through end to end, but I married an end saver. Some people eat them at the end. Others, like my husband, believe that they are there to, quote, preserve the slices in chief. Dave: [37:01] It's like a second bag. Sarah: [37:02] That's what, yeah, that's what the bag is for. But Dan thinks they act as keepers. I don't get it or care enough to argue, frankly. So the ends are saved in this house. And then at the end, we will save one half of the end piece to hide pills for the dog. And that is how it is done in our home. I don't think this is correct, but sometimes you just got to shrug and not give a shit. Dave: [37:26] Yeah. Tara: [37:27] The bread in chief, the slices in chief is very funny. The canonical bread. Dave: [37:32] Wow. All right. So Tara, can you top magical bread stumps that keep your food fresh? Tara: [37:38] Here's what happens in our house. Dave, I don't think acknowledges the ends as bread because if he is the one to start a new loaf or to reach, he will just go, he will skip it. and goes straight to the full-sized pieces, slices. Sarah: [37:55] Slices in chief. Tara: [37:56] So if I get to either butt, like if I'm the next one to get to it, it's like four slices of bread plus two butts. That's what they call it at Kip Kacking when we make sandwiches. Dave: [38:06] So when you finish a loaf, does everybody sing butt to butt? Butt to butt, we're done. Tara: [38:13] No, but there is bread strat there because you try to not use two butts on the same sandwich because then people will feel ripped off and you also turn them around so that the butt side is in and then the regular side, like the white side is facing out. Sarah: [38:27] Gotta do it. Tara: [38:28] Because otherwise people are like, I don't want this. Dave: [38:31] This is like when you buy a jar of like toffees or something like that and you turn it over and the fucking bottom is concave up to the top of the lid. That's what you guys are doing. Tara: [38:39] Well, what else are we going to do? Otherwise it's a waste. It's still food. Dave: [38:42] Well, I'll tell you what you do. Tara: [38:43] Well, wait, I'm not done. So if I get to eat their butt in our house, I'll just eat it. Well, I'm, you know, if I'm making a peanut butter sandwich, I'll just also have a butt, which is like, I would say three quarters of a piece of bread and just put butter on it. Dave: [38:56] That is my answer. Tara: [38:57] An extra snack. Dave: [38:57] The butts are for pre-gaming the full slices of bread peanut butter you're about to have. Sarah: [39:02] Also valid answer. Tara: [39:03] Yeah. Food, food, food. Enough! I'm so sick and tired of hearing. Dave: [39:07] You people talk about food, food, food. All right, last question for us comes from Kara. Monster Truck Rally or Demolition Derby? Demolition Derby. I've never been, but as a kid, it was like on my child bucket list and it never happened. There was a video game for the Cometor 64 that I was obsessed with. It was called Racing Destruction Set. And it was like half racing, half demolition derby. The point was to create tracks that had a high probability of cars crashing. And it sort of looked like a really primitive version of Excitebike, like that kind of isometric track design. Loved it. Fast forward decades later. I don't know if you were there at this point, Tara, but when we were at James, when I was at James and Gold, that's the interactive agency I worked for, I did a lot of the first generation PlayStation stuff, including PlayStation's actual site. And one of the games that we did was called Destruction Derby. And first of all, we created a, and this is for three people out there, a full vermal track. Look it up. And then for the site, we created this whole car. And when you clicked it, the car would show damage. And this was a real car. And everybody went to a studio with sledgehammers. Tara: [40:28] I remember this. Dave: [40:29] And, you know, we divided the car into like 36 squares in real life. And then everybody would take a smack at square one. We'd photograph it, blah, blah, blah. And we smack each part of it like 10 times. So you can go through and destroy this car on the website piece by piece, like your own private little street fighter in between battles bonus stage. Tara: [40:51] Yeah, that was funny. Dave: [40:51] Yeah. So I got a lot of non-actual demolition derby experience, but I've never been to one. But I mean, I wouldn't go now. if you rewind back to 12-year-old me, I am there. Sarah? Sarah: [41:04] Same. Derby. It's not close. Tara? Tara: [41:07] I mean, I think at either of these, I would be like Cliff and bring it on, like reading a book in the stands while everyone else is having fun. Sarah: [41:13] 100%. Tara: [41:14] But if death is not an option, Demolition Derby as well. Dave: [41:19] Great. All right. Here comes your question, dear listeners, to answer in our Discord, or you can email me david at cole dot fyi as in for your information it comes from radish cake she is asking i know someone that has a husband who does ask her are beans plants, what is the dumbest thing anyone has ever asked you i'm really looking forward to the answers here oh yeah all right so discord look for the channel that is called ask ask e-h-g put your answer there Or, of course, again, email me and we'll be back next week with judgment on that. Sarah: [41:56] My late mother about to get roasted. Tara: [41:59] It's going to be Sarah next week as the judge. So that'll be fun. Enjoy, Sarah. Sarah: [42:05] What you doing? You're reading? Dave: [42:10] It's time for the Tiny Cannon. Presenting this week, it is Sarah D. Bunting. Sarah: [42:16] Hello. So, Law & Order, Season 9, Episode 7, Venom, also known as, quote, the Sante and Kenny Kimes one where young Livia Soprano is having coercive control sex with her own adult child, probably isn't quite good enough to make the main extra hot great canon. This November sweeps entry from 1998 is notorious, certainly, with some great guest stars, including the aforementioned Layla Robbins as Leanne Crosby. It's got a very twisty red herring festooned path to the case in chief, which takes the viewer through the world of so-called walkers and their tuxedo accessory tradecraft and on through fake IDs and Caribbean bank accounts until settling on Crosby and her son's attempts to kill each other's richie spouses. And it's got peak bitchy Skoda, J.K. Simmons, telling a defendant that his extreme emotional disturbance backstory is, quote, a bunch of rehearsed crap. Sarah: [43:15] However, the Kimes case, while it used to be a big whoop 30 years ago and spawned several TV movies, including one starring Mary Tyler Moore, has fallen below the horizon. The writing sets up the central revelation in such a way that the viewer is several steps ahead of the script in terms of figuring it out. And you can never quite forget that Robbins had played Jack McCoy, Sam Watterson's eventually disgraced former associate with whom he had also had an affair only a few seasons prior to this episode. Nor can you stop noticing that the actor playing Lianz on Dennis, Matt Kiesler of Scream 3, isn't playing at the level of the rest of the acting core. But we'll always have Abby Carmichael's reaction to Skoda submitting his report to her and McCoy, clip one. How long has the incest gone on? Since his teens, his mother forced. Tara: [44:07] Relationship to control him. And it's still going on? Yuck. Sarah: [44:15] Angie Harmon's Abby is perhaps historically underrated as a Law & Order second chair, but she had a number of Hall of Fame mic drop lines over the years, most of which turn up in the WeTV marketing montages for the show. And this, yuck, is one of the best. It's concise, it's as nonplussed as it is repulsed, and it's kind of the only possible response to fourth-act Law & Order depravity this Baroque. To honor that concision, I will wrap this up and hope that you yum this yuck sorry, and induct it into the extra, extra hot great tiny cannon. Tara: [44:53] Thank you, Sarah. I'll go first. Of course, I remembered this. Although in my memory, what she says is gross, but the yuck is so much better. Sarah: [45:01] I remembered ew, but yeah, same idea. Tara: [45:05] When I used to watch Law & Order, I would have it on the TV on my desk while I was working. At some point, this episode rolled up and I backed it up and took a camera phone video and posted it on Instagram for posterity of just the yuck. It's so good. And McCoy's whole thing is this tremulous outrage at the evils this job forces him to deal with. But that's when he's in the courtroom, like, performing for the jury. And this scene reminds us, even before we get to the yuck, that outside the courtroom is just, like, straightforward. Give me the data. How long has this horrible incest between a mother and child been going on? Like, he's asking how late the deli downstairs is open. And then Abby was introduced as an even more conservative kind of hard-ass. so we almost never see her rattled in that way and so her offhand like yuck with a period on the end clearly a period is so funny and so perfect it's like there's no point being horrified by this something even more horrifying will probably land on my desk next week but still i have to say something right now and what i'm saying is yuck period and excellent pick so good dave. Dave: [46:18] Bonus points for establishing the largest gulf between subject matter and payoff. Tara: [46:26] Yep. Dave: [46:26] Comedy payoff. Because, boy, the whiplash you get from this one and the success you get from this one is undeniable. I had never seen this episode before. And when the moment came, I genuinely laughed out loud at how bad slash fantastic it was. Fantastic choice. I'm glad you brought it to the table and into my ears. So let's make this official. Tara, Ariana, what say you? Tara: [46:52] Yay. Dave: [46:53] Yeah, me too. So, yuck. From Law and Order, you're hereby inducted into the extra hot, great, tiny line reading canon. Dave: [47:05] Americans love a winner. Yup. And will not tolerate a loser. Nope. It is time to discover who are our not-quite-winners-and-losers of the week. I will go first with some casting stuff. Winner, comma, not quite, is the White Lotus. We've got season four casting news. We've got Chris Messina from Mindy Project et al. Helena Bonham Carter from being married to Tim Burton and being kind of a weirdo. Good for her. Tara: [47:33] And the crown. Dave: [47:34] And we've got Steve Coogan, who we've already talked about, Alan Partridge. And of course, the Roman guy from Night at the Museum. Tara: [47:41] Yes. and Phil from Philomena. Just kidding. That was not his name. Dave: [47:46] And fourth casting is the country of France. Tara: [47:49] Yes. Dave: [47:50] Which is where it's set, right? Tara: [47:51] Mm-hmm. Dave: [47:52] Yep. Loser, comma, not quite, is the great British Bay cop. They're losing Prue after nine years. Rumors are, what's her nuts? Tara: [48:02] Nigella Lawson. Dave: [48:03] Thank you, is going to take over, but not quite confirmed as of this taping anyways. I don't know her, can't vouch for her. Tara: [48:09] Yeah, I love that Prue's announcement was like, give me a break. I'm 86. I'm like, yeah, you know what? You're right. Dave: [48:15] I had no idea she was that old. Sarah: [48:16] No, she looks incredible. Dave: [48:18] Yeah. Sarah: [48:18] Yeah. Dave: [48:18] Sarah D. Bundy, who do you have? Sarah: [48:20] Co-loser Nadia Hussein is right there and also like burn shit down with BBC. She's great. You sir. She won the show after all. My not quite winner is on patrol colon live, which was renewed for a fifth season at reels. Of course it was and spawned a spinoff on patrol colon first shift reels is the natural home for this like fourth generation photocopy of cops that, you know, sort of wandered through A&E, got canceled, got them sued, et cetera. Dave: [48:53] We're talking about Paw Patrol, right? Sarah: [48:56] Yes, on Paw Patrol. Dave: [48:58] Oh, okay. I'm confused. It really sounded like you're talking about Paw Patrol. Tara: [49:02] No, no, no. Sarah: [49:03] No. Alas, no. The, like, workfare program for Dan Abrams is not necessary, in my opinion, but Reels is kind of a natural spot for that because the taste level is like several levels below that of Investigation Discovery and Oxygen. So that's kind of what you're dealing with there. These seasons are like 90 episodes long. Tara: [49:27] Well, they probably cost $75 a piece to make. Sarah: [49:31] Yeah. I mean, not counting the lawsuits that they spawn after car chases, but that's a TP, not an MP. Tara: [49:40] Indeed. Sarah: [49:40] The loser is Netflix because it has certain rules for feature filmmaking. A big action set piece right at the beginning, make characters narrate what they're doing repeatedly and like recap the plot in the middle because people are watching their phones. Matt Damon went on Joe Rogan experience. This isn't the loser part, technically. Tara: [50:04] It's not the winner part either. Sarah: [50:06] Yeah, detailed these like bullet points. Yeah. for Netflix movies while promoting The Rip. And the thing is, The Rip does do all these things, but I still really liked it. It's directed by Joe Carnahan, who had a good feel for how to work with this, but still make it a cool, heisty movie. I thought it was pretty good. I reviewed it on Best Evidence last week. I mean, I think we all knew this existed, but it's not super great to blow that up, I would say. Tara: [50:36] Speaking of Netflix movies and whether they do or don't follow these rules, this didn't come up when we were talking about what we watched on our break because it was a movie and not a show, but Relay on Netflix with Riz Ahmed. We watched it and I recommended it to Sarah before we were even at the end, like mid viewing. And all three of us watched it and really loved it. It's very different and unexpected and surprising and cool. That's all I'll say without I'm not spoiling anything. Sarah: [51:00] Yep. Agree. Thought it was great. Tara: [51:02] Speaking of cops, my not quite winner of the week, Brooklyn Nine-Nine creator Dan Gore and former Brooklyn Nine-Nine writer Luke Del Tradisi, they developed a PI comedy and it got a series order, which is great. We just finished rewatching all of Brooklyn Nine-Nine last month. What a good, funny show. Last season, they were trying to do a thing and it was 2021 and I know why, but it was like maybe not 100% successful, I would say. But one of the stories that they pursue in that final season is that Rosa quits the force and becomes a PI. And I always sort of felt like we didn't see enough of her doing that. And, you know, there's no evidence this is going to be about her, obviously, but I still trust them to do something really funny. So that's something to look out for. And my not quite loser of the week is the TV industry writ large, because in 2025, the number of extant shows dropped for the third consecutive year. And just more importantly, I want to underline how this proves what I was always saying all along, which is peak TV was a metaphor like peak oil. The idea was we're going to reach a point and then it's going to fall off and keep falling. And yeah, That's what has happened. Peak TV was never about quality. It was about quantity. Tara: [52:18] Thank you for making me write retroactively because I didn't have debates about this one with people over the past several years. Tara: [52:32] Welcome in, grandpas. It is time for the extra credit, although this is actually not an extra credit. It was an Ask EHG question from George in the Discord that we stole for these purposes. Grandpas, remember, you only need to pay an additional $3 to get the full-ass episode, which is, I'm going to say, probably over an hour before we've gotten to this point. We've been recording for a while. Little under, Dave says, with a pinch of his finger and thumb that you cannot see, but I can. We talked about A Night of the Seven Kingdoms. We talked about poop. We talked in relation to that show, not just incidentally. Dave: [53:10] But there was a five minutes where I was describing mine from earlier today. It was misguided. Tara: [53:16] Was there or wasn't there? Kick up your pledge to find out. We also have the usual 17 questions about food and ask EHG. Just kidding. Not that many, but a lot. Before we get to the question, I have a correction on Wrapping Paper Tube Tunes 2 from December that Dave pointed out when he was editing it. The score was misscored. Sarah and Dave playing that game were tied going into the tiebreaker. Is that right? Sarah: [53:41] Sorry. I'm pretty sure I was scoring. We texted about this like last year, so I don't totally recall the issue, but I do recall saying that I probably fucked up the arithmetic. So, sorry. Dave: [53:55] The issue is we weren't tied at the end of the game, so we never should have went to the tiebreaker. Tara: [53:59] I see. Well, anyway. Sarah: [54:00] Okay. Tara: [54:00] So Dave... Dave: [54:01] And that I need... Tara: [54:02] He needs this. Dave: [54:04] I need it bad. Tara: [54:05] I had already sent Sarah her gift. I don't even remember what it was. Some kind of candy, I assume. Dave: [54:10] Well, you can send that back to me. Whatever that was, I want it. Sarah: [54:13] In poo form? Sure. Dave: [54:15] Oh, was it food? Tara: [54:16] Yeah, it was candy, I think. So I'll get you something. I don't know. I'll figure it out. Sarah: [54:20] I'll get you something. Tara: [54:21] So George's question is ensuring a good date. And George writes, what insurance commercial mascot slash spokesperson would be the best to go on a date with? And I also added, what do you do? How does it go? And I'm going to go first because I have a feeling better than decent chance that we're all going to pick the same one. But let's find out. For me, it's someone I know for sure I've already praised on this podcast. It is Dr. Rick from the progressive Don't Turn Into Your Parents Home Insurance commercials, which, as I said when I talked about it before, I think those ads are legitimately funny. They're really well-written. All of the people who are turning into their parents are like cast from real funny improv actors. One of them is Chris from The Bear, Sugar's husband. He shows up a lot. Sarah: [55:08] Oh my God. Tara: [55:09] I also appreciate Dr. Rick's mission in those ads, what he's trying to do. And I will be very happy to tell him so over dinner. So we're going to go to a very neutral diner in order to avoid the kinds of things that can spark parent-ish behavior at a restaurant like... We're not going to have a server that's trying to be too hard to be a character that the parent type will want to do bits with. Everything on the menu is going to be something that you recognize. So there's no like inane conversation about like, what's that? And also beverage refills are free and probably occur without anyone having to ask for them. So no complaining about how parched anyone is, where that waitress has gotten to, etc. There is the danger that I might be a little too starstruck with Dr. Rick and ask him to like talk shop about the worst becoming your parents cases he's had to deal with. But since a grade grubber like me will be straining in the opposite direction to show I'm not either of my parents, my project for the night will be to put Dr. Rick at ease, let him relax. I won't bring up the crazy story of the refund check that we got from Progressive in December that a teller at our bank initially thought was a scam check until I have already signaled for the bill. And if Dr. Rick offers to pay, I'll even let him. And that will prove I am not becoming my dad, Sarah. Sarah: [56:29] Okay. Honorable mention to Caitlin Clark from State Farm, aka my future stepmother, because my dad loves her. And if we could quote, stop by Dave Senior's house on our way to a pub to watch college hoops, I would be the forever favorite. Also honorable mention to Mara from progressive who seems like the perfect fit for an off-leash hours dog park date with Bear? For my real answer, though, Tara is correct. I was very torn between two polar opposite experiences. My first instinct was Dr. Rick, who has a book, which Dan bought me for Christmas. It is very funny. Obviously, keeping homeowners from turning into their parents could be a bummer experience on a date. For me, it could feel a little judgy and maybe a little busman's holiday for him, but I have been turning into my own grandparents, which is slightly different. And that process basically was already completed in like the early 90s. So both of us can just relax. With that said, I would 100% blunder into suggesting a subtitled Oscar nominee at BAM. And then Dr. Rick would 100% lose his mind at all the Beverly's and Stan's not whispering enough to each other about the credibility of death walking on a beach or how actually that translation isn't accurate. Sarah: [57:47] And then we get a meal afterwards and he would look at my French fries and look at the mustard that I got instead of ketchup and want to die. So dinner and a movie, it wouldn't go well. So instead, I'm going on a date with Mayhem. Here's why. First of all, Dean Winters can still get it and will. Second of all, there's absolutely zero mystery as to how that date is going to go. It's all right there on the tin. Mayhem will ensue. But the non-lethal, fully covered by the policy sort, that will make a great story later. And given how often mayhem ensues during any given buncy involved round of miniature golf anyway, let's just cut right to the chase. Flying putters, soft serve, full sex inside the one-story fiberglass triceratops. Mayhem, folks. Tara: [58:31] Dave. Dave: [58:32] Mayhem lost his penis in a thresher accident. Tara: [58:34] No! Well, it's got hands. Sarah: [58:37] That's all right. I can work with it. Dave: [58:38] Okay. Sarah: [58:40] It's 2026. Dave: [58:41] I took a different approach. Sarah: [58:42] Who will fight me? Dave: [58:43] I have graded mascots on four vectors, fun humor, attractiveness, generosity, and will they try to sell you insurance on the date? Tara: [58:53] Interesting. Dave: [58:54] Okay. Five candidates. First one is apparently called Professor Burke. That is J.K. Simmons from Farmers. Sarah: [59:02] Yes, I learned that also. Dave: [59:04] Okay. Sarah: [59:05] Doesn't need a name. Dave: [59:06] Fun humor. I think he doesn't think a lot about fitting in, so he'll be more up for whatever is going to happen than most of the mascots. Attractiveness. He's got that once I hug you, I'm never letting go fuzzy mean guy look. So if that's your thing, I think he brings it. And generosity. moderately. He's been around those thrifty farmers his whole life, so I don't know if he's super generous. Will he try to sell you insurance on the date? No. My theory is that Professor Burke is on the farmer's insurance board, but he's out of the daily office grind, so he's not largely invested in the success of farmer's insurance like he used to be. Number two, Sarah's mayhem. He lost his penis in a thresher accident, but does he bring fun and humor? No, he brings only chaos. If chaos is your jam, I suppose that could be fun, but let's be real. That's real chaos. That's not fun chaos. Attractiveness, rugged. Yes. Smoking hot, Sarah says yes, but also frequent open wounds and heavy bruising. Generous? No. Will try to sell you insurance? Absolutely. and will demonstrate the need for insurance by putting you in harm's way throughout the date. Our third of five is Lemu Emu, but not Doug. Sarah: [1:00:27] Fun humor. Dave: [1:00:28] He or she has unintentional hijinks that will wear thin very quickly. Attractiveness, no. Patchy hair, long neck makes kissing gross and maybe impossible. Generosity, no. We'll peck you all the time. We'll try to sell you insurance. No, Limu Emu doesn't understand why it was taken from his family at the emu farm, dressed up and forced to travel with Doug. It's quite tragic, even though it doesn't know what's going on. Sarah: [1:00:56] There's also going to be a lot of pooping. Dave: [1:00:58] Oh, I lied. There's six. There's not five. There's six guys. Bonus, bonus. Next one. The Aflac Duck. Fun, humor, zero. This guy just says Aflac all the time. Attractiveness, theoretically cute, but saying Aflac all the time ruins in it. generosity only with Aflac's. We'll try to sell you insurance. Yes, by reminding you of Aflac every seven seconds or so. Next up, Flo from Progressive. Fun humor? No, her jokes all suck. Attractiveness? In a waitress who warns you that the last piece of pie has dried out kind of way? Yes. Generosity? Yes. Likes sharing the spotlight with the new, that grown Progressive Consumer Service people, of which we don't know anybody's name. Will she try to sell you insurance on the date? Yes. It's the only reason she's going out with you. Her cruel boss is at Progressive Demand. She hit her weekly quota. finally the gecko how does he rate on fun humor he is boring in a bookworm way attractiveness yes he is super hot generosity he is a generous lover will he try to sell you insurance not tonight but maybe over breakfast you i don't like this. Sarah: [1:02:16] Place we leave. Dave: [1:02:17] So our winners are is a tie is Professor Burke and the Geico Gecko. So they go on a date with each other and they marry a week later before Burke tragically sits on the Gecko going to watch some TV. Tara: [1:02:30] Oh no. Dave: [1:02:31] Yeah. It's a sad ending. Sarah: [1:02:38] Yuck. Dave: [1:02:43] Well guys, that is it for another, episode of Extra Hot. Great. We jousted with the latest Game of Thrones spinoff, A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms before answering your burning ask ESG questions like, where's my T for remote? And what about bread stumps? Sarah got Lawton Order's reading of yuck into the tiny line reading canon. We celebrated those who weren't quite the best and worst of the week and wrapped it all up with a look at the insurance mascot dating scene. Next up is Memory of a Killer. I am David T. Cole. And on behalf of Tara Arianna. Tara: [1:03:25] Stop raping, sir. Dave: [1:03:26] And Sarah D. Bunting. Sarah: [1:03:29] Twasanya. Dave: [1:03:31] Thanks for listening. We'll see you next time right here on Extra Extra Hot Great. Clip: [1:03:46] You are yuck. Yuck.