Hacking Around With Whiz Kids

Dave: [0:12] This is the Extra Extra Hot Great Podcast, episode 390 for the January 10th, 2026 weekend. I am Red Mustang on a reporter's salary, David T. Cole. And I'm here with Joystick Coupler, Sarah D. Bunting. Sarah: [0:32] You know, for kids. Dave: [0:33] And Printer Ink Die Job, Tara Arellano. Tara: [0:36] I love how it doesn't make my hands dirty. Tara: [0:47] Welcome to Extra Extra Hot. Great for another weekend. Thank you to all the Patreons for being here and the club members and the Apple Podcast subscribers. Basically, thank you to everyone who is hearing this, because if you are, it's because you are great. Special thank you this week to Listener Jim in Chicago because they submitted this week's entry in the Forstening Pool. We're going to be talking about WizKids Season 1, Episode 2, Fatal Error, in which Richie Adler, Matthew Laborto from Little House on the Prairie, and his three best friends are computer enthusiasts and sometimes hackers. Tara: [1:23] In this episode, they are playtesting a new video game for its programmer, Dave Kearns, played by David Ackroyd, someone they've never met and have only communicated with on the computer. Little do they know, Dave Kearns is currently incarcerated, and the game they're helping him test is designed to mimic the movements of guards in his cell blocks so that the kids can help him figure out the best way to escape. When he does, the whiz kids get drawn into the crime that got Dave convicted. After designing a computer system for a bookie named Velma Sherry, played by Mabel King, he stole $12,000 from her, which even in 1983, most people who hear about his story don't think is enough to bother with. But maybe there's more the authorities never found out about, and maybe Dave has a specific reason to need to recover it ASAP. The show was created by Philip de Gure, who had previously created Simon & Simon, and Bob Shane, who wrote on Knight Rider, Magnum P.I., Tales of the Gold Monkey, and later Remington Steele, among many others, This episode, which originally aired October 19th, 1983, was written by Tom Sawyer, not that one, who had previously written for Wonder Woman and B.J. and The Bear, among many others. It was directed by Corey Allen, an actor in Rebel Without a Cause, turned very prolific director. Tara: [2:43] Here's what Jim said about this submission. quote, some TV writers like to have episodes start and end with matching scenes like Dr. Encher's hospital on start of shift slash Dr. Leaves hospital at his end of shift. The guy who wrote this episode has 45 minutes of a tense crime drama. And then the last 10 minutes is The Three Stooges. You could watch it through the first commercial break and have no idea how this episode is going to end. And even after reading that, I still could have been more shocked by how things wind up in this thing. Let's do the Chen check-in before we drill down. Sarah, should our listeners watch Who Is Kids? Sarah: [3:21] No. This was better than I expected, but still, net, no. Tara: [3:25] Yeah, Dave. I don't have time for your little baby shenanigans. Yeah, it's not great, but, you know, I'm not mad that we watched it. Dave: [3:35] I couldn't believe this was a primetime show. I've been watching it. First of all, I thought it was going to be half an hour. And then I thought it was like a Saturday afternoon programming thing. And then I discovered it actually was a CBS primetime show. Oh, my mind exploded. How did this make it to primetime? Amazing. It wasn't without its retro charms. Tara: [3:56] Oh, sure, sure. Well, so let's get into it. I'm just going to go through the plot and you guys can jump in as you see fit. There are a lot of ways you can tell this episode is from the past, such as when Richie's mother, Irene Adler, can't have been an accident. It's the name of a Sherlock Holmes character. She's played by Madeline Kane, and she finds out Richie's contact with Dave Currens, clip one. We never met him. by computer come on alice come on you can why don't you talk back and forth on the phone like normal people that's her only issue it's my adolescent son has been talking without my knowledge to some guy who found him on whatever online is called in 1983 and my main issue is why they don't talk on the phone oh. Sarah: [4:36] Yeah that comes up later big time. Tara: [4:39] Like this. Sarah: [4:40] Is some avant-garde parenting decision-making. Tara: [4:43] That is wild to me. It really is. Dave: [4:48] What year is this, please? Tara: [4:49] 1983. Dave: [4:50] Okay, 1983. We're still in the long tail of Stranger Danger PSAs. Tara: [4:56] For sure. Dave: [4:56] You know, that was a big thing in the 70s and into the 80s. So how are we dealing with this? Tara: [5:02] I mean, he's not around, so whatever they're talking about, it's probably fine. Dave: [5:05] It's okay. Tara: [5:06] The guards at Dave's prison definitely know Dave is a computer geek. In fact, they encourage it. Clip two. I want to tell you one thing, Kynes. What you learned in here, the way these gadgets are taking, like in five years? The score is concerned. That's the guard in the prison, of course, and all uniform-wearing authority figures are reminding us that computers are the future, including a security guard at a county building later in the episode, clip three. I guess we're all going to have to play with these things sooner or later. Dave: [5:48] Yeah. Tara: [5:51] So Richie's friend Jeremy, who's played by Jeffrey Jacquet, gets further in the game than any of them ever has and closes his, you know, avatar in a small room. Text prompt comes up asking what they do now. They can't go out a window because there isn't one. They can't make a hole in the ceiling either. And at first, when the kids suggest changing their color to disguise the player as a guard, the game says they can't. But then Dave gets the idea to dump all the printer ink into a trash can and dip his prisoner uniform shirt in it, pulling it out instantly, completely black and without dirtying his hands at all that we can see. Smash cut to a headline on the back of the newspaper section Irene is reading the next day about an inmate escaping from Fallsburg prison disguised as a guard. Well, that was easy. So Richie's on his way to school when Velma pulls up beside him to offer him cash to let her know if Dave makes contact with him on the outside. does the thing where she, you know, rips the bill in half. You'll get the other half when you call me, blah, blah. Then we get our first commercial break. We got this episode off the internet archive with all of the commercials in it. And there's one in this first block that so upstages everything else in this program. Sarah: [6:55] Oh my God, truly. Tara: [6:57] I'm going to put a pin in it for now. Come back to it at the end. I will bravely say the middle of this episode is kind of dull. Llewellyn Farley Jr., who's played by Max Gale from Barney Miller, is a reporter. He starts working on the Dave Kearns story by tracking down his girlfriend Cassie, played by Joanna Kearns, future Growing Pains mother. Lieutenant Neil Quinn, played by A. Martinez, also wants to talk to her, but then they both leave and Velma's goons intercept Cassie instead. And so when Dave goes to his meat spot, Cassie's not there because the goons beat her up. She's in the hospital. He gets lightly stabbed, but manages to run away to Richie's house where he meets Irene at the door clip four. Hi, my name is Dave Kearns. I'm a friend of Richie Adler. Are you his mother? Yes, just thought that I'd stop in and say hello. Well, come on in. His home's just upstairs. Yeah, go ahead to his bedroom. What the fuck? Sarah: [8:11] The little sister is like, he's weird. Like, yes, little sister, he is. Thank you, Gavina DeBecker. Oh, my God. Horrible. Tara: [8:22] So, yeah, Irene just lets this adult male stranger hang out alone with Richie in his bedroom, at which point Dave kind of swoons from his arm wound and then a gun falls out onto the floor and Richie's like, huh, and then calls all his friends to also come over with this stranger with a gun. Dave: [8:38] It's my computer gun. Tara: [8:40] That's right. So when they're all there, Dave tells them the story about the computer system and the $12,000 and how Velma was laundering dirty money through her finance company. Dave read that they are developing the land where he buried the cash and some other papers of hers that he stole as insurance So he has to figure out where it is and dig it up before the developers do. And it's going to be hard because all of the landmarks are gone, blah, blah. And then it's just kind of procedural stuff. The kids and Dave separately figure out where the plot of land is using computers. We also get a reminder of how hard it was to fill a 52-minute TV hour in olden times. Clip 5. Dave Curran is not the only guy that's looking for this money. Who do you think cut his arm? Who do you think, You promise? Sarah: [10:06] Yes! You promise? Tara: [10:14] Will you stay away from it, all right? Yeah, when we were watching it, I was like, just seriously, in that long silence, I was like, okay, I'm just going to ask you one more time to promise me. And then he did! That's so bad. Anyway. Dave: [10:31] It really rivals Columbo at the DMV for extended scene from the 70s and 80s. Tara: [10:38] Richie then hacks Velma's system so all of her customers win their bets and she is, you know, financially fucked. Then, two nauseating commercials back to back, Bill Cosby for Jell-O Fruit Pops and this. Sarah: [10:51] Clip 6. Tara: [10:52] I start my light and easy pasta by cooking some linguine. Then pour a package. Sarah: [11:00] The boiling water heats the tea. Add diced ham. Now tossed with Italian dressing. Light, easy, and delicious. Tara: [11:10] Shortcuts from General Foods. When has ham ever been part of a light meal? I would like to know. Sarah: [11:18] When has dicing it ever been easy? Dave: [11:21] The ingredients are pasta, frozen peas, ham cubes, and a giant amount of Italian dressing. Tara: [11:29] So much dressing. Dave: [11:30] Okay, first of all, gross. Tara: [11:31] Yes. Dave: [11:31] Second of all, no way those peas aren't still frozen after just pouring water in a colander. Tara: [11:37] That doesn't, yeah, that's not how you cook. Dave: [11:39] It's not going to thaw them out all the way. It's going to be like pasta shells all over again. The middle is going to be all weird. Tara: [11:44] Gross. Anyway, back to the show. Dave and the kids find each other at the dig site. Kids didn't tell anyone else where they were going, although Farley figured it out. We're about to see. Their plan was to find the money and give it to Dave to turn himself in to lighten his sentence for the jailbreak. When Alice finds the money, it turns out it is more than $12,000. It's a million dollars. The goons show up. A fight breaks out. The kids get the money and run off. Under a bridge or something, Richie says he and Alice, who's played by Andrea Elson, future star of ALF, will go up in the control booth and get ready. And Jeremy and Ham, Todd Porter, will distract the goons by going the long way around. Maybe they could have cut one or two instances of Farley making them promise not to mess with Velma to establish that they're running distance from a theme park and that is where they're going. But they don't. So it's wildly disorienting when suddenly the goons are on the stage of some kind of laser show getting menaced by effects and then terrorized by a fake dragon they are so scared of. They fall into a moat. These are grown men involved in organized crime. But whatever. Quinn yells that they're surrounded. They come out all embarrassed. That's basically the end of the episode. So... Tara: [12:54] I mean, Jim was right. This is an absolutely bananas way to end it. What I learned from the show's Wikipedia entry is, in response to criticism from advertisers, station owners, and critics, CBS executives had several meetings with the program's producers over the summer after they first previewed the pilot to emphasize that storylines should be changed so access to other computers would be portrayed as being obtained through legal means so they couldn't be like full hackers anymore. As a result, small changes were made to the original pilot and they added both Quinn and Farley, who were not in the first episode at all. They served to provide the teens with a moral compass as well as access to what would otherwise be considered classified information, and specific plot lines were developed to show the consequences of illegal activities. So I kind of wish we'd gotten to see the cool version of the show, because this does seem sort of sanitized. Did you feel that there was too much of a guiding hand on this, or did this seem like typical... shit. Dave: [13:50] I mean, that's why I thought it was a Saturday afternoon show, because it has that sort of harmless vibe to it, that, you know, no real consequences for anybody's actions in a real way, and that really was part of it. So, yeah, I guess I would have liked to see maybe aged up a bit, and also like elite hackers. Tara: [14:11] Yeah, put them in college. Yeah. Dave: [14:13] Yeah, exactly. But then again, this show's so dumb, I don't know if that would have saved it. Tara: [14:17] That's true. Well, it didn't last. Anyway, go ahead Sarah. Sarah: [14:19] Yeah I mean I think that the stuff that they sort of were concerned about in terms of it being like giving them a moral compass and showing them computing legally but then there's all this other dark shit where like Joanna Kearns and her terrible main comb are getting beaten up pretty badly like a third of her face is this black eye Velma is clearly intent on killing anyone who gets in her way you know there's like gangster figures pursuing people and beating them up it's and there's no like music on it that's like like it's not i think they they didn't put that like three to one contact skin on it in the right places yeah. Dave: [15:06] If a mob boss was played by a, Yeah, that kind of menace to it. Tara: [15:12] Yes. Sarah: [15:13] Yeah. Dave: [15:14] The one thing I thought was absolutely ridiculous in the show about ridiculousness is when the mob boss rolls up to the lead character on his bike. Tara: [15:23] Richie. Dave: [15:24] Richie. Sarah: [15:24] Yeah. Dave: [15:24] And bribes him to give information so she can figure out what is going on with this prisoner and the money. She dangles a bill of unknown denomination because the transfer was so bad. Tara: [15:36] Yeah. Dave: [15:36] Let's say a 20, maybe a 50. Tara: [15:37] Oh, I thought a 50 probably. Yeah. Dave: [15:39] And she goes to hand it to him. And when he tries to take it, she pulls it back and then rolls up the window, stick it in the window, and that somehow cuts it in half. And then she gives half to Richie and says, when the deal is done, you'll get the other half. What window is ever going to cut a door in half? Sarah: [15:57] Also, you only need half. He can spend it. It's legal tender. Really? The more you know. Tara: [16:02] Is that true? Sarah: [16:02] Yeah. Yeah, it is. I mean, it's a little bit difficult to convince retailers of that. But now that we all have the internet. in our pockets, it is easier. Tara: [16:11] All right. Let's close up with the most important thing that we saw with regard to this programming, which is the commercial, which I'm going to be thinking about long after any of the events in this episode. So what you need to know is it opens with a, you're going to hear the voiceover. There's an illustration of a lady. She looks like she's from a window of a dry cleaner. It's like that quality of commercial illustration, tons and tons of gorgeous hair. Dave: [16:34] Yeah. Starts in sepia, dissolves into color. Tara: [16:37] Let's hear clip seven. oh Dave: [17:36] You cut out the best part. Tara: [17:37] Well there's yeah so then it cuts straight into an ad for combat roach system i had roaches. Dave: [17:43] In my cereal. Tara: [17:44] I did clip that as well um but yeah that's completely inscrutable what this is for this whole monologue by this crusty old dad like saying kids are dumb basically, And then it's for somehow ties in with roach killers. So we'll put the link in the show note. But Intimacies was a series of 24 commercials made for American cyanamid for channels aimed toward women like Lifetime. And they were a monologue that featured little moments of personal discoveries, which included women making discoveries about why they are in the relationships they are in, why they eat too much, why they're uncomfortable being alone, etc. But the focus of the ads were the monologues, but the idea was to keep audiences from switching the channel when the commercial break started. So it would be like something that you thought was a show, and then you watch this whole thing, and then it's like, psych, here's your ad for rug cleaner or whatever the fuck. Sarah: [18:36] Yeah. Dave: [18:36] Except the tone shifts from whatever you're watching to, you know, the Modesto community players presents. Tara: [18:43] Right. Dave: [18:44] Yes. Tara: [18:44] Talking about roaches in their cereal. Dave: [18:46] Because the guy is like, it has that very, the start of the pink and green era of 80s living room fashion. The guy is in his sort of casual business where, might be the transfer, but something's wrong with his eye, I think. And he's talking directly to you, his son. And it just has such earnestness and it's so badly acted. And then at the end of it, it smash cuts to this thing about this lady having roaches in her cereal. Sarah: [19:14] And it's unclear as to like there is this brief silence before the cut where it's like oh he's realizing that maybe he should have done his own thing and he stopped just short of telling his son and like are they at family therapy right hard to tell given the mint and peach frame window thing and all. Dave: [19:34] The vaseline on the side. Sarah: [19:35] Yes yeah that it's like is he realizing that he made a huge mistake and the road not traveled and he's gonna like buy an rv and hit the road is he about to tell his son like if you hadn't come along i'd have been a center fielder for the pirates like what are we exactly what what exactly emotionally is happening for this man whose name is ray, For sure. 100%. Yeah. Dave: [20:00] I mean, I sensed I was experiencing him being introspective, but you bring up a good point. I don't know whether he was like, oh, I have to let my son off the leash or it's all his fault. Sarah: [20:13] I think if they cut back from Serial Lady, that guy would be sobbing. Tara: [20:19] Yeah. Sarah: [20:21] He's like, oh, no, the camera's still on. Yeah. It's amazing. Dave: [20:26] And his son's like, you bought a house at fucking 22? Sarah: [20:31] Yeah what what is your secret stole money from velma got it. Dave: [20:36] I immediately forgot all about whiz kids when this commercial came about i was gobsmacked by the audacity and the cheapness of it and the as i said the community theater quality to everything and there are a lot of these like there's only a few of them on youtube but i think the you know the wikipedia thing for Where it said there's like dozens, right? Tara: [20:58] Yeah, it said 24. Dave: [20:59] Yeah, I watched what was on YouTube before five. But this is definitely the weirdest one. Tara: [21:04] So strange. Dave: [21:04] It's so strange. Possibly the greatest moment in television advertising history, as I put on My Blue Sky. Tara: [21:09] Yep. And we will link to that as well so that you can watch this clip and marvel at it your own self. Thank you, Jim, from Chicago. Thanks, Jim. Sarah: [21:24] Greatest song in podcast history. Dave: [21:27] All right, everybody, it's time for everybody's favorite segment with everybody's favorite theme. It is Ask E-H-G. All right, this is an advanced tape, so we don't have judgment for you, but we'll be back soon with all that goodness. So let's get into your questions. First one from Elsbeth. Choose one TV theme song that will play as you wake up and start each day. Tara: [22:02] It's going to be Alice, which is as close to nine to five as you can get. There's a new girl in town. She's feeling good, etc. It's a fun one to sing. Really energize me. Sarah. Sarah: [22:13] Famous original one day at a time baby nice so up on your feet dave. Tara: [22:20] Early to rise. Dave: [22:22] Excellent early. Tara: [22:24] To bed and. Dave: [22:27] In between i cooked and cleaned and went out of my head going. Sarah: [22:33] Through life with blinding. Dave: [22:44] There's a new girl in town And she's looking good There's a fresh freckle Yep. Tara: [22:52] So good. Dave: [22:53] Easy choice. Tara: [22:53] Yep. Dave: [22:54] All right, Damon. Who would you rather have as a long-term roommate, Janice, from Friends, or Paz de la Horta from Boardwalk Empire? Oh, boy. Sarah. Sarah: [23:04] Even though I'm not familiar with Janice, I cannot imagine she's worse than shopping. So, Janice. Yeah. Dave: [23:13] Yikes. Tara: [23:14] You agree. Sarah: [23:14] Dave. Dave: [23:15] Yeah. Oh, my God, Janice. Janice is annoying, but Lucy is beyond annoying and very stupid as well. I don't. Janice does make some keen observations during her run in Friends. Lucy does not. Tara: [23:29] Yeah. Sarah: [23:29] No. Tara: [23:30] Hands down, Janice. In her first appearance on the show, her voice is born normal and she's kind of cool. So assuming I got her in her final form where they take her to for the course of the series, I would just try to nudge her back toward that version of her personality. Shopping. Unbearable. Dave: [23:48] Shopping. Diatho. Sock, sock, shoe, shoe. Or sock, shoe, sock, shoe. Diatho here with another bewildering question that makes me ask, do you bring your socks to where your shoes are and then put one on before each shoe? Tara: [24:05] Yeah. Sock, sock, shoe, shoe. We don't wear outside shoes inside. Sarah. Sarah: [24:10] Sock, sock, shoe, shoe. What am I, an animal? Dave: [24:14] Crazy, crazy. What's going on in your house, Diatho? We're worried. Rube Goldberg, what would you wear as your Taskmaster outfit? That's it, Tara. Tara: [24:23] Well, I thought, you know, to be sporting, I would keep it to garments that I actually own. So a tank top, a particular stripy Bowdoin cardigan that I have for, you know, some visual interests, also horizontally striped, that's my trademark, a pair of army green, Lou and gray poplin joggers that are like my favorite most comfortable pants and Nike Air Max Diaz because the top is clear plastic. I'm not showing feet for free, but it's enough to give a little peek to the pervs who really want to try to look. Dave: [24:51] No free rides. Tara: [24:52] No free rides. Dave. Dave: [24:55] I'd lose, but I think it would be really funny to see somebody run around in a cardboard robot outfit. Running around, having to do fine motor skills and not being able to actually touch my hands together. I'm here for it. Tara: [25:08] Yeah. Dave: [25:08] Sir. Sarah: [25:09] Probably what I wear anyway, which is a not cropped t-shirt, a hoodie over that, a skort over leggings, knee socks, Reeboks. Tara: [25:18] Nice. Dave: [25:18] Jovial Jen, some anime have been releasing feature films instead of full seasons, which makes me think what TV show season would have worked better as a standalone feature film. Sarah? Sarah: [25:29] I did not dislike either of The Sopranos seasons six, but either 6A or 6B should probably just have gotten condensed into a feature. It felt like that's what David Chase wanted anyway. And Many Saints of Newark should have been a limited series, like four episode thing. I'm not a crockpot. Tara. Tara: [25:50] Whenever severance is over, edit it down to the length of the feature film that it always should have been and cut out all the bullshit that's not going to go anywhere. We all know it's not. Dave. Sarah: [26:01] Yeah. Dave: [26:02] Yeah. I mean, this is the story of the streaming age. So you can take your pick of any shows that have debuted recently, Chad Powers. But I think the question is, what season in the middle of a run would you pick? So I would say, I'm not quite sure what season it is, but when X-Files got very alien conspiracy heavy and they did do that movie, they could have kept on doing movies for that. Tara: [26:24] Yeah. Dave: [26:24] Because when we strayed from the monster of the week, it became much less interesting. So just push all the monsters to the start of the season. The rest of the season could just be a two-hour TV movie or whatever, and then you're done. Milsnack, if the EHG team had a morning show, which one of you would be the anchors, meteorologist, and who is your cantankerous director? I'm the director. Tara: [26:48] Yes. Dave: [26:49] Sarah's the stat-driven meteorologist. And Tara's on the sports desk. Just kidding. Tara's the anchor. This was easy. Tara: [26:55] Sarah. Sarah: [26:56] Yeah, I agree. Tara's clearly the anchor. Dave's clearly the cantanker-rector. And I'm Yanko, just spazzing around. Tara: [27:07] Yeah, I have Dave as the cantankerous director. He seems like he sometimes resents talking in our current configuration. and um i have sarah and i both anchors just hoda and kathy leeing out in every meaningful respect including being drunk. Dave: [27:24] Yes yeah mopsuchus the miss usa and miss teen usa pageants happened this past weekend whenever that was when she wrote this a new chapter in their crazy scandalous history they say what would your state costume be from any or all of the states that you have lived in Tara. Tara: [27:41] I would be a full-size Statue of Liberty with immigrants inside me, a la Ariana Grande, according to Great News. Sarah. Sarah: [27:49] Same, because I am lazy and I also look good in green. Dave: [27:52] For Texas, I'm going to wear a cute and fun veterinarian scrubs under a Trump 2028 t-shirt. Tara: [27:59] Oh, no. Sarah: [28:00] Oh, dear. Dave: [28:01] Prove me wrong, Texas vets. Tara: [28:02] Prove me wrong. Please prove him wrong. Sarah: [28:05] Texas vets assistance. Dave: [28:06] Tara is asking this question. Tara: [28:08] Oh, right. Dave: [28:08] What's something you do that you used to think everyone did, but realized later that you only did it because your parents did it? Sarah. Sarah: [28:17] It's all, the only stuff I could think of for this was little household-y things, like washing plates before you put them in the dishwasher. Why did we do that? That's right, because our dishwasher sucked. Doing hospital corners and tucking in the end of the bed when I made the bed when I hate having my feet tucked in, so I don't have to do that. But these were all like, what did I only not do because I didn't want to hear it from Barb? But yeah, it's all, it's all like stuff around the house and uh we figure out our own hacks around here dave. Dave: [28:46] I thought everybody got their mother's maiden name as their middle name because that was my middle name they should i mean it makes sense but i thought that was just the way it worked and that was the template and it was just everybody had it until i remember my friend saying like whatever it was i'm like that's two first names that's did your parents know they did it wrong and he was like what and i'm like oh shit i'm embarrassed i'm tired. Tara: [29:11] Mandarin, orange, or clementine in the toe of a Christmas stocking. Dave: [29:14] It's pretty common. Tara: [29:16] Lots of, but I thought everyone did it. Dave: [29:18] Yeah. Tara: [29:19] Like, I thought it's wrong to not do it, which I, you know, I do think a lot of people do it. Dave: [29:23] I think it might be more prevalent in Commonwealth nations because it's an English tradition, right? Tara: [29:27] Yeah, perhaps. But definitely lots of household stuff. And I still use the brands of cleaning stuff that my mother used for that reason. Dave: [29:35] Really? Tara: [29:35] Even though I've switched to, I will never not use Tide. I've switched to liquid, which she didn't. She did the powder because it was, you know. They didn't have liquid back then. Dave: [29:42] Right. No water back in the 70s and 80s. Sarah: [29:45] No liquid. Dave: [29:45] Yeah. Tara: [29:46] Tied and bounced. Sarah: [29:46] It was a desert planet. Dave: [29:47] We drank. We drank dirt and we liked it. Tara: [29:50] Yeah. Well, it wasn't Saskatchewan. Dave: [29:52] Dr. Calhoun, Real Housewives is looking to branch out into space. Which sci-fi planet should it be set on? Tara? Tara: [30:01] I think it's pronounced Riza, the pleasure planet from Star Trek. If all people have to do all day is relax, they're going to manufacture reasons to fight just to feel alive and that's what you need for real ass wives dave. Dave: [30:13] Aldoran sarah. Sarah: [30:16] Literally what my notes say aldoran with all that that implies, yeah. Dave: [30:22] Like how tara's reaction hmm that sounds nice then i remembered it blew up well. Tara: [30:28] I forgot because when we the last time i saw aldoran it was still a regular ass planet and fucking obi-wan kenobi the show. Dave: [30:34] Right piece of shit. Sarah: [30:36] If regular ass. Dave: [30:38] Play well lafr perhaps laffer i don't know what their name is supposed to be apologies we used to just have spinoffs but now thanks to the mcu we now have universes what other show would you like expanded out to a universe of connected shows sarah. Sarah: [30:55] I was writing this and then I realized it functionally exists, but the wire, but then you have like the homicide section of the quadrant, the corner, show me a hero, I guess, Treme, you could fold in there, generation kill. So like the Simonverse, but I stand by it. Tara. Tara: [31:14] Glow! It's going to be glow forever and figure out a way to link it to whip it, make a whip it show while you're at it. bring in League of Their Own, bring that back. Just a connection, a bunch of connected women's sports shows. Dave: [31:29] The ladies from Bad News Bears. Tara: [31:31] Yeah. Dave. Sarah: [31:32] Yeah. Dave: [31:33] The Columbo televisual universe, the CTU, where every notable villain from the Columbo series, Culp, Shatner, Cash, those guys, serves their time in prison. They get released. They move to a different city to try to control the city with their evilness. Tara: [31:49] Yes. Dave: [31:49] Now you can fold in Mrs. Columbo. She's in Pittsburgh. Charlie Kale, Modesto, and other fictional detectives lead the charge in each city. And then there's some sort of crossover crisis, perhaps some sort of secret society of Columbo villains. And that means the detectives have to start pairing up in order to foil their dastardly plans. Damon, Star Wars has a notorious holiday TV special. Which other movie desperately needs its own holiday TV special? Who performs? What are the numbers and sketches? And who is the surprise guest? It is John Wick with special guest star Chewbacca. Tara: [32:27] Let's check it out. Sarah: [32:28] Chewbacca. Dave: [32:29] Chewbacca, John Wick, gun-fooing the way through the enemies of joy. See Chewbacca do John Wick stuff with his crossbow, shooting people in the temple, snapping necks. Good holiday fun, if you ask me. Sarah. Sarah: [32:41] Ocean's 8. Awkwafina and Rihanna both perform, obviously. There's a group performance of a new composition called 8 is Enough. Sketches include parkour and tumbling performances and a runway show. And naturally, the surprise guest is Danny Ocean, because come on, why didn't that fucking happen? Dave: [33:01] I have an emergency insert here. Gremlins would be a good show to have a holiday special on. Tara: [33:07] Yeah. Dave: [33:08] Lots of fun. Sarah: [33:09] Oh, yeah. Dave: [33:09] Yeah. Sarah: [33:10] Good call. Tara: [33:10] Dirty Dancing is famously a summertime movie. Let's see what they're doing. The first year Kellerman tries out an off-season vacation package. The movie already had a talent show and dance classes and performances, so those slot in no problem. Surprise guest, Jerry Orbach Hologram, doing a number from The Fantastics. Dave: [33:30] Our last question is from Cranky Pants. Cranky Pants asks, Your life is an 80s-style sitcom. What activity are you doing when they freeze frame on you for the opening credits, and what expression are you giving to the camera? Tara. Tara: [33:43] I'm eating cereal and I look guilty. Sarah. Sarah: [33:47] I am repairing the spine of a book using the magnifying loop that attaches to my regular glasses and I am rolling my eyes, but thanks to the loop, one of the eyes is half the screen. Tara: [33:59] Dave. Dave: [34:00] First of all, Tara, you freeze frame yours a moment too soon. It's you eating cereal and then spilling some on your shirt. Tara: [34:06] Oh, you're right. Yes. Dave: [34:07] Oops. Sarah: [34:07] Correct. Dave: [34:08] Mine is working on a VIC-20, typing away at the keyboard, and then I notice the camera, and I turn to face it, and I'm smiling, but I'm really bad at smiling, so it's very awkward for everybody. All right, everybody, here comes your Ask Ask EASG questions. We're flipping the script. You have to answer this one, answer it under Discord, or send me an email at davidatcole.fyi with your answer. It comes from Damon Silver. The original question, I have changed it a bit. it is. What is the best least known TV theme song? We would appreciate it if your answers included a YouTube link so we can listen and watch it. So go to our Discord. There is a channel called Ask Ask ESG where you want to pick those or, of course, email me. Dave: [34:53] It is time for the Tiny Canon presenting this week. It's Kim Springston. Take it away, Kim. Hi, ExtraHawk. Great. I'm submitting an entry for the Tiny Monologue Canon from Mad About You. Tara: [37:56] Doesn't stay too long, and she deserves to be added to the tiny monologue canon. Thank you. Thank you, Kim. I'll go first, since I've been rewatching this show, and this was an all-timer moment. The whole episode, I considered putting it on the list as a two-canon, but truly, this is the high point of it. And as soon as I saw that someone had submitted to the tiny canon for this episode, I knew what it would be, and I was right. I so agree. Lisa, who's played by Anne Elizabeth Ramsey, is the best character on the show. This moment really shows why. Play Hello Kitty is a gorgeous network-safe euphemism for female masturbation. You can see at several points, Paul Reiser visibly trying to stop himself laughing at her. Paul's reaction to Lisa whipping off her coat to reveal she doesn't have a shirt on is an all-timer. At the end, she walks out. Jamie looks at him. He gives, like, the tiniest thumbs up, and Jamie hits him. It's very good. And look, honey, Roman Holiday is a hilarious button on the scene. This is great. This is exactly the kind of chaos that the frame story of the episode is trying to avoid. But Lisa cannot be contained. And I love this great presentation. Dave. Dave: [39:04] I never saw this episode before. And let me tell you, I was a little scandalized by this scene. I was surprised by how risque it was. Tara: [39:11] You see a lot of side boob. Dave: [39:13] Well, not just the side boob, but the Hello Kitty joke. Like, that is pretty bawdy for, what is this, 94? 94? Yeah. Tara: [39:23] Four or three. Dave: [39:24] Yeah. I mean, good for them that they got it to the air. I'm surprised that it got past standards and practices. But yeah, it's really funny. I laughed out loud at how big the candid camera situation is where they got them all mounted to like the undersides of door frames and on the walls and stuff like that. And they're just like giant camcorders that you would carry around with like big VHS cassettes in them. Crack me up, like sort of stretched reality that she could walk around and not see these beach ball sized cameras hanging around everywhere. And there was like six or seven of them in the whole monologue scene. But, you know, we suspend our disbelief. Great scene. Really good. Never seen it before. Never heard of it before. I was watching it and I thought, damn, that is a good piece of business. Made me laugh. And then the whole shirt thing, I was like, oh, that's even more scandalous than the Hello Kitty joke. And you see quite a bit of side boob. Tara: [40:14] Yep. Sarah: [40:15] Yeah. And he just turns and faces a door. It's amazing. Dave: [40:19] Paul Reiser's expressions there are magnificent. So yeah, really good submission. Glad I was able to watch it. Never would have otherwise and laughed and, you know, clutching my pearls. Sorry. Sarah: [40:31] She is so good. The bit starts out like funny. And then especially if you're primed as we were to be gauging it on like Lisa's entire appearance of this episode. And then you hear the setup and it's like, oh, my God, like this is going to be so sitcom-y and contrived and exhausting. But the performance brings it like through sitcom-y and around to brilliant and back to contrived and sitcom-y and then back around to brilliant. And she barely like she does stop to breathe. It does feel like how this character would talk. There are breaks, but it's like, even though it's for laughter, it feels natural. It's really kind of a tightrope. And this could have read so annoying. But there is also some side boob. Like, I am not immune to a good side boob, and I was not here. And it really just was a masterful, just a masterclass in how to do something this sitcom-y and elevate it to like all-time status, which is what we're here to consider. So let's vote. Dave: [41:41] Before we vote, is there any information on how many takes this took? Was it one and done? Tara: [41:45] Oh, I don't know. Dave: [41:46] Yeah, I wonder if it, because this seems like the kind of thing that would be, you know, oral history somewhere or something like that. Tara: [41:50] Oh, yeah, maybe. I didn't go looking. But yeah, it's the kind of moment, and we talk about this sometimes when we talk about multicamps, where you could feel the actor's, like, theatrical training kick in, because this is so, like, they would have to have shot this. And clearly, they have breaks broken in, like when she's moving around the apartment, where they could, like, cut if they needed to and stuff. but it does, the way it's edited and put together, it does feel like it's all one piece. Dave: [42:15] And you can tell when the audience reaction hasn't been sweetened, so it feels like a first take for me, but of course they could have. Tara: [42:20] The cheer when she leaves is so spontaneous and so fun. Dave: [42:24] So I like to believe it was all done in one take. Tara: [42:27] Maybe. Sarah: [42:27] Either that or it was the 17th take, she was perfect every time and someone else kept fucking it up and they were like, yeah, Riser got through without putting his foot in the bucket. So, yeah. Dave: [42:38] All right, now let's put it to the vote. sarity bunting what say you uh. Sarah: [42:41] That's a yes for me dog. Dave: [42:42] Tara ariano me too me too so lisa's candid monologue from mad about you you're hereby inducted into the extra hot great tiny monologue canon, Dave: [43:05] All right, get out of here, winners and losers of the week. It is time for the Not Quite Top 11 list. I will go first with the Not Quite Top 11 first-party Commodore VIC-20 cartridge games that sound like 70s budget TV show titles, and then the actors who would star in them. Tara: [43:22] Sure. Dave: [43:23] I present these in alphabetical order. First one, Clowns. Clowns stars Michael Landon, George Hamilton, and John McLaughlin. Second show is Garden Wars Starring Tom Bosley and Loretta Swit Yep Gorf with Tim Conway as Gorf And Linda Lavlin as Gurf. Sarah: [43:43] Sure Uh huh. Dave: [43:45] Oh no. Sarah: [43:47] He broke himself Don't break. Tara: [43:49] Don't break, we don't. Dave: [43:50] Have time Home Babysitter With Pam Dauber Jupiter Lander with Robert Urich Midnight Drive with David Soule Money Wars with Robert Wagner. Number Nabber with Gene Stapleton. Omega Race, Jill Gerrard. Raid on Fork Knox with Kyle Wagner and Robert Conrad. Seawolf, John Eric Hexum and James Gardner. Sarah: [44:14] Oh, yeah. Dave: [44:15] Speed Math and Bingo Math. That's one game with Red Fox and Billy Bam. Star Battle, Lee Horsley from Matt Houston and Lonnie Anderson. Tooth Invaders, guess is here. Tara: [44:28] Richard Mulligan. Dave: [44:29] No. Sarah: [44:30] Gary Busey. Dave: [44:31] Randolph Mantooth. Tara: [44:32] Of course. Sarah: [44:33] Of course. Dave: [44:34] And finally, Voodoo Castle with Ricardo Montalban. Tara: [44:37] Nice. Dave: [44:38] Thank you. Sure. Sarah: [44:39] Yep. Not quite 11 computer slash AI movies from the 80s that I'm a little surprised weren't turned into series, but I guess Small Wonder ruined it for everyone. Number one, Electric Dreams. Summary here was, a young man buys a computer that accidentally becomes sentient and begins to turn its affections towards the man's attractive female neighbor. Young man was Lenny Van Dolan. The neighbor was Virginia Madsen. Her boyfriend before the neighbor was Maxwell Caulfield, Tara. Soundtrack, Legendarily, by Giorgio Moroder. There is an anthology series by the same name from 2018 with a bunch of big stars. I don't remember it at all. The movie story is from a Philip K. Dick joint, but doesn't seem to have been adapted as an episode of that. This easily could have been hybridized to promote music videos. Number two, Cloak and Dagger, a young boy and his imaginary friend, end up on the run while in possession of a top-secret spy gadget. Starring Michael Murphy and Dabney Coleman. Given the popularity of E.T. and that this also starred Henry Thomas, I am a little surprised. they never tried to convert this for a first TV down. Dave: [45:50] I love the idea of that movie when I was a kid. I have to ask, how much is Daphne Coleman in this? Sarah: [45:57] I don't know. Tara: [45:58] No, you do. Sarah: [46:00] Oh, no, I do. Dave: [46:02] Sarah got so disappointed in that moment. I'm not even going to continue because Sarah is a little angry. Okay, proceed. Sarah: [46:12] I mean... This series does get a bit dark. Davey, I think, kills someone, probably because of the Dabney Coleman joke, I'm not going to lie. But the basic outlines of the plot could have been grafted onto an all-ages Knight Rider or WizKids really easily. number three daryl we all know this one seemingly normal young boy found abandoned on a mountain road and adopted by a family who are increasingly amazed by his abilities before discovering the secret behind his real identity i think a comedic sequel to this was announced in 2020 starring tony hale as the 44 year old version okay and then we never heard anything else about it and i think that's probably correct like i feel like a lot of projects were announced in late 2020 that everyone sort of got vaccinated woke up it was like oh never mind that yep number four the not quite human series of films i had never heard of these dr jonas carson a scientist invents chip an android teenager. Sarah: [47:13] And sends chip to school with his daughter becky to see whether an android can interact with others but then carson's former employer decides to try and make a profit by stealing the mechanical boy this co-starred alan thick as dr carson it had two sequels and given thick status as a sitcom dad at the time they probably could have made a go of this as a syndicated parker lewis-esque show could be fixed contract wouldn't allow it um we could watch this for again with again with this brandon douglas is in it hey or not uh number five flight of the navigator starring 80s b-movie staples cliff de young and veronica cartwright plus sarah jessica parker paul rubens credited as paul mall voiced the computer i still have never seen this but i feel like everyone else our age had i. Tara: [48:05] Loved this movie when i was a kid we had it on vhs. Sarah: [48:08] It could have done some numbers in syndication even if whoever voiced the machine for tv was just doing a peewee imitation they they could have really done something with that yeah number six firefox a retired air force pilot is sent into the soviet union on a mission to steal a prototype jet fighter that can be partially controlled by neural link yep directed by and starring clint eastwood and star wars verse hey it's that guys yes dave oh. Dave: [48:35] I was gonna say that one of the plot points in the movie at a very critical juncture in the movie is because it's a Soviet plane and you can control it with your mind, he accidentally tries to control it thinking English. He has to think Russian in order to control the plane. The plane is spiraling down. He has to start thinking in Russian under pressure as a big action. Tara: [48:55] Wow. Sarah: [48:57] This could have made an interesting Cold War primetime action show starring a Quaid of some kind. Still could. Dave: [49:05] As the plane. Sarah: [49:06] Number seven, And yes, that's the plan. That's the Texas tax-free plane. Number seven, brainstorm. Researchers develop a system where they can jump into people's minds, but when people involved bring their personal problems into the equation, it becomes dangerous, perhaps deadly. This one is mostly notorious because Natalie Wood died during the filming of this, did not get released until two years later, and the personal problems that they referred to were basically people fucking and then neural linking and having a meltdown about it. Probably a little too sexy for a syndicated joint, but Skinamax could have figured out a way. Dave: [49:46] Or Mad About You. Sarah: [49:47] Number eight, evil speak. An outcast military cadet taps into a way to summon demons and cast spells on his tormentors through his computer, starring Clint Howard as the cadet and Richard Mull as the monk who created the curse in a previous century. Dave: [50:06] Wow. Tara: [50:07] Wow. Sarah: [50:07] Yeah. This movie was banned in the UK ostensibly because of Satanist content, probably because it sounds unbelievably stupid. And this is the kind of thing that would have done business in the aughts. like put ray wise in this and you are printing money in my opinion you have to wonder if david lynch saw this at like the midnight movie house like 15 times number nine short circuit number five should have been alive as an animated series at least the merch alone could have saved the entire tri-star company it was an animated series out of disney with the same name but it was like an incubator project animation show, no relation. Dave: [50:47] Is that movie good? I've never seen it. Tara: [50:49] Short Circuit? Dave: [50:49] Yeah. Tara: [50:50] I haven't seen it in a long, long time, so I can't say. Dave: [50:53] I mean, you know, good in an 80s way. Tara: [50:55] Yeah, probably. It got a sequel, but it does feature Fisher Stevens, a white person playing an Indian person. Dave: [51:02] Oh, really? Tara: [51:03] Which he has apologized for. Sarah: [51:05] That is a large part of its Wikipedia entry, actually. They have been talking about remakes and reboots for years, and whoever has the IP should really consider it. because you could correct some mistakes. I feel like it was like a micro-generation behind us. So we're really into it. My brother could recite the entire thing from memory, I'm sure. And number 10, the granddaddy of this shit, War Games. Of course. I just feel like using the Deutschland 80s 3-play, six etc model but like meets the americans and then each season finds david lightman and joshua in a different phase of the cold war i would watch the hell out of that and you could use all the original stars if you felt like it if. Dave: [51:46] You told me war games was made into a tv series i would have believed you. Sarah: [51:49] And i was shocked it wasn't yeah well yeah there. Tara: [51:52] Was also said on the whiz kids wikipedia that p there was speculation that this was like a knockoff of war games but like They. Sarah: [51:59] Used the same screen font. Tara: [52:01] Certainly. Yeah, but they screened it at Upfronts or whatever a month after War Games came out. So obviously it had been in the works before War Games was released. Anyway, not to cape for WizKids, obviously. I have brought you the not-quite-top-11 other one-season wonders that premiered in 1983. Asterisk A to C because I didn't get further than that because it was such an embarrassment of riches. Number one, these are in alphabetical order. Ace Crawford Private Eye, a spoof of the hard-boiled detective genre starring Tim Conway in the titular role. Did he do any dwarfing, you ask? Well, A, probably not because one of the other series regulars was Billy Barty. And B, he didn't get a chance because it was canceled after five episodes. Number two, Amanda's The Faulty Towers Knockoff starring B. Arthur in the Basil role, which Sarah and I have watched precisely one episode of, and that's probably going to be it. Sarah: [52:56] Oh, yeah. Tara: [52:56] Number three, At Ease, a military sitcom in the Sgt. Bill Comold starring Jimmy Walker, created by John Hughes. Yes, that one. And executive produced by Aaron Spelling. Guys, unfortunately, we are eventually going to have to watch at least one of those. So stand by. Number four, Auto Man, the Glenn A. Larson show about a crime-fighting hologram starring Desi Arnaz. Tara: [53:20] Jr number five baby makes five kind of a dharma and greg before dharma and greg with bit peter scolari as the greg and jenny lewis in her first ever screen role number six a show starring genie francis from general hospital jonathan frakes and ian mcshane set in the glamorous world of perfumery and called bare essence p.s genie francis's character is named tiger with a y uh number seven bay city blues probably the only one of these you've heard of the minor league baseball dramedy that steven bochco and dennis franz made before nypd blue also starred michael nori ken olin and sharon stone number eight benji zacks and the alien prince benji is whatever generation of the famous dog character was around in 1983 the show is probably what you think it is from Hanna-Barbera Productions. It is live action. Number nine, Casablanca, a series adaptation of the movie. No Ilsa, but Rick is played by David Soule from Starsky and Hutch. This one only lasted five episodes, half as long as when a different creative team tried to make a show out of Casablanca in 1955. And finally, number 10, Cutter to Houston, a medical drama starring Shelley Hack and a very young Alec Baldwin. It was canceled after seven episodes and replaced by, guys, guess what? WizKids. Thank you. Dave: [54:47] Amazing. Tara: [54:47] Yeah. Dave: [54:48] When do we get the other ones? Tara: [54:49] Oh, God. Other letters. Stand by, I guess. Dave: [54:53] All right. It's the second extra, extra hot grade of the month, so it's time to sit back and get ready for the green screen. Tara: [54:59] Woo! Stephanie: [55:04] Welcome to The Green Screen, the segment in which I, Stephanie Green, take you on a tour of the low-to-middle-brow reality television landscape in which I frolic. This month, I decided to switch things up and try a new show. As I mentioned in my first installment of The Green Screen, Discovery Plus is a wellspring of fascinating reality content, from shark attacks, to ghosts, to polygamists, to large, vaguely Christian families with drinking problems and unaddressed trauma. Stephanie: [55:31] As regular listeners to Extra Hot Great will know, I am a Sister Wives devotee, and I've been keeping up with the comings and, more recently, goings of the Brown family for years. But until recently, I hadn't delved into any of the other polygamist programming on Discovery Plus. I mean, I certainly wasn't above it. I'm a person who willingly watched three episodes of Poly Family, a show about a highly dysfunctional polyamorous arrangement, which is two and a half more episodes than any reasonable person should have watched, but I just felt like I had my fill of polygamy, you know? Discovery Plus kept suggesting that I watch Seeking Sister Wife, and who am I to dispute the wisdom of the algorithm? As you can probably glean from the title, Seeking Sister Wife is a show about polygamist and would-be polygamist families who are, yes, on the hunt for additional sister wives. I skipped season one and went straight to season two, which features four families, two of which are already polygamist and two of which are trying really hard to become polygamous. The show is sort of an unholy pairing of the polygamy of sister wives and the awkward dating dynamics of love is blind. It's an odd show because the stakes feel high in that many innocent and non-consenting children are involved in this nonsense and yet low since who really gives a shit if these dum-dums find another sister wife or not? Stephanie: [56:49] This lack of stakes and lack of investment in the featured families is the ultimate undoing of Seeking Sister Wife, but more on that in a minute. First, let me give a brief overview of the four sister-wife-seeking families. First up, we have Ashley and Dimitri Snowden of Atlanta, a 30-something, reasonably hot couple with three very young children who really, really should not be on camera. However, subjecting their kids to this is barely registering in terms of terrible decisions Ashley and Dimitri are making. They're not religious, but want to be polygamist for unspecified reasons, the same reasons which, I guess, govern their strict pescatarian diet and Ashley's choice to wear a bindi because hashtag spirituality. Stephanie: [57:31] They've been seeking a sister wife for years, but their quest keeps going pear-shaped because Dimitri keeps on banging the prospective wives. And Ashley, as it turns out, is jealous. But she wants a best friend, so obviously bringing a whole other wife into her marriage is the only way to achieve that. Duh. Next, we have the McGeys, Bernie and Paige from Brandon, Missouri. They homeschool their boys for religious reasons, but can't actually define what their religion is. They claim to, quote, believe the Bible cover to cover, but also attended a synagogue before they got kicked out for, you know, the whole polygamy thing. After doing some cursory Googling, I think the McGees subscribe to some branch of Messianic Judaism, which appears to be a mishmash of Christianity and Judaism and is too confusing for me to understand or summarize. Anyway, they really want a sister wife, and Paige is the one spearheading the whole campaign, but you guessed it, she is also very jealous. I would make way more fun of these people, except in my Googling sesh, I learned that Bernie has recently passed, so rest in peace. Stephanie: [58:35] Next, we have the Aldridges of Hot Springs, South Dakota. They're a family consisting of one creepy husband, Jeff, and two wives, Vanessa and Sharice. Jeff refers to himself as the, quote, master ruler of the household. And honestly, I think that tells you all you need to know. They moved to South Dakota because, quote, the laws are pretty harsh in Utah, unquote. Stephanie: [58:56] Their religious beliefs are never explicitly defined, but I'm guessing that since they fled Utah, there's some flavor of Mormon fundamentalist. They're currently courting a nail tech slash bartender named Jennifer who looks exactly like Tanya Harding. God bless. Finally, we have the Winders. Colton, Tammy, and Sophie. In my notes, I wrote that Colton is a, quote, huge weird dork, and I can't think of any better way to describe him, so we're going to stick with that. He was raised mainstream LDS but decided to become a Mormon fundamentalist, as one does. He can't afford to house both of his wives under one roof, so he commutes. Way to take the fun out of polygamy, guys. I watched three episodes of Seeking Sister Wife, and my verdict is that I do not need to keep watching this. The issue, as I said, is that these people are weird and dumb, but not entertaining enough for me to invest in, and I'm also grossed out by all the tiny children involved. You might be saying, but Steph, you've watched 17,000 seasons of Sister Wife. What's the diff? And the diff is that with the Browns, we really got in there. I mean, we saw those kids being born. Maybe it's Stockholm Syndrome, but after a while, one starts to relate to one's captors. Also, at least the Browns had a consistent religious philosophy, wacky as it may have been, and came from historically polygamous roots. They weren't influencers with Amazon-purchased bindies on their foreheads with kids named, and I am not making this up, Neo. No, the Browns are legit. Their kids are named things like McKelty and Truly with two E's. Stephanie: [1:00:23] It lends the whole enterprise an aura of legitimacy. Plus, the Browns were there first. They were televising their polygamy before it was cool. And the complicated dynamics among the four wives were fascinating and what kept me coming back season to season. Whereas watching couples go on awkward coffee dates with prospective wives who are almost certainly doing this just to be on TV hits different. In short, save your time and brain space and do not seek out seeking sister wife. Bye for now. See you next time. Sarah: [1:01:01] Hello grandpas we're so glad you're here we wish you had been here for the last 55 minutes of content we talked about 80s gaming geek kids drama whiz kids we sent real housewives to space we freeze-framed ourselves in 80s style credits it was a lot but we had a great time and if you bump that pledge up just a skosh will dovetail nicely with that new year's resolution to support indie creators but if you can't make that work we are just glad that you are here because speaking of the new year do you know what father time it is is. Tara: [1:01:38] It father game time. Sarah: [1:01:40] It is winter's tale game time, Today, we are playing Winter's Tales, all about TV shows and TV people with the word winter involved somehow. I will be asking some multiple choice questions about TV winters divided into two rounds. Each correct answer is worth a point. No hints. Ten questions and a tiebreaker. Tara, would you mind keeping score? Tara: [1:02:16] Not at all. Sarah: [1:02:17] The winner will be receiving a novelty snow globe of a show. Depends on who wins. If we're all ready, perhaps Pick, Pick, Picky could tell us who's going first. Dave: [1:02:34] Jesus Christ. We will start with David. I only played that because you're running game time. Sarah: [1:02:41] Thank you. All right. Are we ready to play Winter Sale? Tara: [1:02:45] Yes, ma'am. Sarah: [1:02:46] David T. Cole. Dave: [1:02:47] Yeah. Sarah: [1:02:48] Round one is people. Question one. Eric Winter, an actor who has racked 123 episodes and counting of The Rookie and also starred in Brothers and Sisters and Witches of East End, all Dave Nip, obviously, got his start on which soap opera? Is it A. Port Charles, B. The Young and the Restless, or C. Days of Our Lives? Yeah. Dave: [1:03:13] Total crapshoot. I'm only answering this because I think Port Charles has something to do with General Hospital, and that would attract your eye. I may be wrong on that point, too. So I'm going to say Port Charles. Oh, damn it. Sarah: [1:03:27] It is Days of Our Lives. He played Rex the Wonder Brady in 400 plus episodes back in the day. Dave: [1:03:34] Was I at least correct about Port Charles? Sarah: [1:03:36] They are related. Dave: [1:03:37] Oh, OK. Sarah: [1:03:38] Yeah, no, it was a spinoff. I just had to make up an incredible sounding soap opera. All right. Question two, Tara. Tara: [1:03:46] Yes. Sarah: [1:03:47] Rotund mid-century comedian Jonathan Winters is credited in the most episodes of which TV show? A. Mork and Mindy, B. The Smurfs, or C. Fish Police? Tara: [1:04:00] Oh. Smurfs. Sarah: [1:04:06] Correct. 63 episodes as Grandpa, only 20 as Murph on Mork and Mindy, and six as Mayor Cod on Fish Police. Dave: [1:04:15] Grandpa Smurf's bullshit. You already have Papa Smurf. You shouldn't have another old man Smurf. Tara: [1:04:19] He's older. He's got a longer beard. Dave: [1:04:21] But is he then the leader? Tara: [1:04:24] I don't know. Dave: [1:04:25] I don't know. I mean, I just think it's messy. Sarah: [1:04:27] And aren't all the Smurfs like hundreds of years old, or am I thinking of vampires? Tara: [1:04:30] I think you're probably right. I think you're right. Dave: [1:04:32] Yeah. Sarah: [1:04:32] Okay. All right. Back to Dave. Question three. Sopranos producer and Boardwalk. Sarah: [1:04:37] Empire creator Terrence Winter has written the most episodes of what other show? Is it A. Sister Sister, B. Tulsa King, or C. Vinyl? Dave: [1:04:50] Did you say vinyl? Sopranos and what were the shows he did? Tara: [1:04:54] Boardwalk Empire. Sarah: [1:04:55] The shows were Boardwalk Empire, Sopranos, et al. Dave: [1:04:59] Terry Wintz. I am going to, because of the Scorsese connection, say vinyl. Fucking hell. Sarah: [1:05:10] Incorrect, I'm afraid. 13 episodes of Sister, Sister, 12 of Tulsa King, and only 10 of vinyl. Back to Tara. Tara: [1:05:19] Yes. Sarah: [1:05:20] Previously pony-tailed Winter's Brother the Lesser, aka Cyril O'Reilly on Oz, Scott William Winters has played numerous detectives and deputies over the course of his career. How many episodes of NYPD Blue did Scott William Winters appear on? Is it A, three episodes, B, five episodes, or C, seven episodes? Tara: [1:05:44] I have no idea, so I will say five. Sarah: [1:05:48] I'm sorry to tell you that it's seven as detective stan hatcher in 2004 stan gasp stan back to dave this is a everyone's final question of the people round dave dean winters aka mayhem has a handful of signature roles but the imdb's ideas about which ones qualify are somewhat avant-garde which Which of these shows does not appear in Dean Winters' Known For section on IMDb? Does not appear? Is it A, Oz, B, 30 Rock, or C, Law & SVU? Dave: [1:06:32] Known best for, right? That's the gist? Sarah: [1:06:34] Yes. The top four known for is on his IMDb. Dave: [1:06:37] Which one is not in there? Sarah: [1:06:39] Which one's not there? Is it Oz, Rock, or SUV? Dave: [1:06:44] Well, I mean, so far, these have been all pure guesses. I didn't know he was in SVU, so I'm just going to say that one, too. Tara: [1:06:51] He was in season one. Dave: [1:06:52] Fucking hell. Tara: [1:06:53] And then he came back. Sarah: [1:06:54] Yeah, he's come back a bunch of times. It is Oz. Tara: [1:06:57] What? That is crazy. Sarah: [1:07:00] D-dubs is known for is R, in order, John Wick, P.S. I Love You, 30 Rock, and S.V.U. Dave: [1:07:06] John Wick. Sarah: [1:07:07] Oz and Rescue Me, not present. Tara: [1:07:09] You're drunk. Sarah: [1:07:11] Yeah. Dave: [1:07:11] John Wick, the one with Chewbacca? Grandpas are like, what the fuck is he talking about? Sarah: [1:07:18] Pick up the pledge. Tara: [1:07:20] Find out. Sarah: [1:07:21] These two grandmas are too. All right, back to Tara. Tara: [1:07:23] Yes. Sarah: [1:07:24] Alex Winter, Bill and Ted vs. Titular Bill, got his acting start in which 1980 TV movie? Is it A, Attica, starring Charles Durning, B, Gauguin the Savage, starring David Carradine, or C, The Jane Mansfield Story, starring Lonnie Anderson? Tara: [1:07:45] Wow. Oh, I don't know which I want it to be most. Dave: [1:07:49] That Lonnie Anderson one is fantastic TV movie casting. Tara: [1:07:53] Yeah, it really is. I'm going to say that just because I want it to be true. Ah, is it Gauguin? Sarah: [1:08:00] It is Gauguin. Tara: [1:08:01] God damn it. Sarah: [1:08:03] Yes, he plays a character named Clovis. I actually can't even verify that, but Clovis. Tara: [1:08:08] Wow. Sarah: [1:08:09] I'm happier just thinking it's true. Dave: [1:08:11] Like the city in New Mexico? Tara: [1:08:12] Is that a city in New Mexico? Dave: [1:08:14] Clovis? Yeah. Tara: [1:08:15] Is it? Dave: [1:08:15] That's where they found a whole bunch of arrowheads and stuff like that. Or bones or something. Sarah: [1:08:20] And alien bones. Dave: [1:08:21] Yes, alien bones. Thank you. Sarah: [1:08:23] All right. On that expert note, score break before we head into round two. Tara: [1:08:29] Well, it's close. Dave has zero. I have one. Dave: [1:08:33] Yay! Sarah: [1:08:33] Wow. This was supposed to be, well, I guess it is sort of equally hard. So let's wrap it up with round two. Shows and TV movies. Tara: [1:08:42] Okay. Sarah: [1:08:43] Back to Dave. The 2003 TV remake of The Lion in Winter starred Sir Patrick Stewart as Henry II, Glenn Close as Eleanor of Aquitaine and which television vampire as Philippe of France? Was it A, Jonathan Rhys-Meyers of Dracula B, David Boreanaz of Angel or C, Alexander Skarsgård of True Blood? Dave: [1:09:10] I think, oh god I hope, it's Rhys-Meyers. Tara: [1:09:15] It is. Sarah: [1:09:17] Good job. Dave: [1:09:18] Thank you. Tara: [1:09:18] Good job, Dave. Sarah: [1:09:19] Everyone's wigs look terrible in that. I kind of want to watch it. Back to Tara. Tara: [1:09:24] Yes. Sarah: [1:09:24] Which legendary TV dad starred in Winter Kill, a 1974 TV movie about a sniper picking off victims at a ski resort? Tara: [1:09:35] Ugh, you hate to hear it. Sarah: [1:09:35] Is it A, Tom Bosley, B, Michael Landon, or C, Andy Griffith? Dave: [1:09:40] Oh my God, please, Tom Bosley. Please, Tom Bosley. Tara: [1:09:45] Yeah, Tom Bosley. Let's say Tom. Dave: [1:09:48] Ah! Sarah: [1:09:49] Do-do-do-do-do-do-do. That's another one for the Again with Again with This File, since it co-starred Lawrence Pressman from Dawson's and also Nick Nolte. Yikes. Tara: [1:10:01] And Andy Griffith from Dawson's. That was happy days. No, they weren't all happy days. Sarah: [1:10:09] All right, everybody's last question. Is it all tied up? Tara: [1:10:13] Yep. Sarah: [1:10:13] All right. Back to Dave. Dave: [1:10:15] Okay. Sarah: [1:10:17] Days of Our Lives cross-promotional slash repackaged TV movie Winter Heat is about recovering substance misusers, cops, and recent exes getting marooned on a desert island together. Dave: [1:10:30] Okay. Sarah: [1:10:31] How many future stars of Melrose Place does Winter Heat contain? Arguable if it contains them. Is it A, 1, B, 2, C, 3? future stars of Melrose. Dave: [1:10:46] You gotta read me that premise again. Sarah: [1:10:48] Okay. Winter Heat, a Days of Our Lives cross promotional slash repackaged TV movie in which recovering substance misusers, cops, and recent exes get marooned on a desert island together. How many Melrosers are in this shtiz? One, two, four, three. Dave: [1:11:07] Okay. So these people weren't necessarily also in Days of Our Lives. Tara: [1:11:13] They probably were at the time. Sarah: [1:11:15] They probably were. Tara: [1:11:16] This is like future Melrose stars. Dave: [1:11:18] Sure. Sarah: [1:11:19] The IMDb was just real cagey about what this even was. Dave: [1:11:24] So there's some calculus to be done here because like how many characters could they realistically or non-realistically or just contractually cram into a addiction storyline to get them on a different island and then get them off again so they can be on the show? I doubt it's one because why would this question come up with just one? Or is that what you want me to think. Tara: [1:11:45] Sarah Bunting? Dave: [1:11:47] Two sounds reasonable. Three is what I want it to be. Because that's great that so many Melrose people were in this bewildering premise of a TV movie. Sarah: [1:11:58] And then it really is bewildering. Dave: [1:12:00] So I'm just going to say it's the answer I want it to be, although I'm torn between two and three. I'm saying three. I'm saying three. Tara: [1:12:09] Oh no! I thought you were right! I'm so mad! Sarah: [1:12:14] It is Patrick Muldoon and Lisa Rinna. Did I really stretch the elastic on the waistband of the word star? Fuck it ain't right, I did. Dave: [1:12:25] Alright. Sarah: [1:12:26] Alright, Tara. Last question. Tara: [1:12:28] Okay. Sarah: [1:12:29] Facts of Life Season 8, Episode 16 is called A Winter's Tale, which is why it's here. It sees the girls heading to a ski resort only to find their cabin already occupied by a bachelor party. How many future stars of Melrose are in this 1987 episode? Is it one, two, or three? Tara: [1:12:50] Two. Sarah: [1:12:54] Just dug savant in his uggo ski sweater but he looks great and you'd better believe we're going to be watching that later this year amazing all right i believe i know the scores but tara let's hear them at the end of regulation okay. Tara: [1:13:07] We each have one point we're equally good or bad. Sarah: [1:13:12] That tiebreaker is necessary closest to the pin you'll be answering in play order so dave will be going first shelly winters best known for her film work like the poseidon adventure and lolita but she did plenty of television in her day ending with her role on roseanne not what we're here to talk about we're here to talk about the love boat how many episodes of the love boat did shelly winters appear in closest to the pin dave you guess first all. Dave: [1:13:43] Right the problem is i don't i I mean, I know what the love boat is, but I don't know whether they did the thing that a lot of shows in this era would do, which is fuck it. This person comes back over and over again. Tara: [1:13:54] They definitely did. Dave: [1:13:54] And they're different characters each time. Tara: [1:13:56] Yes, they did. Dave: [1:13:57] Because I don't think it's the kind of show that would bring back somebody to play the same doctor or the same heiress over and over again. I feel like if it was going to be that way, it was going to be, you know, a different character each time. More likely. So how many times are they going to bring back Shelly Winters to play different characters on the love boat? I'm going to go. How long was the love boat on? Tara: [1:14:20] Like over at least eight, I think. Dave: [1:14:24] I'm going to say seven. Tara: [1:14:25] No. Dave: [1:14:26] Yes. Seven. Six. Six. Six. Sarah: [1:14:30] Okay. Tara: [1:14:30] Two. Sarah: [1:14:31] Okay. Okay. Dave: [1:14:32] Oh, fuck. Sarah: [1:14:33] So you're sticking on six. Got it. Tara: [1:14:36] And I say two. Sarah: [1:14:38] Two. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner with a bullseye. It's Tara. Two episodes. Tara: [1:14:45] Woo! Two? Dave: [1:14:46] After all that, just two? Sarah: [1:14:49] You got me with your legal mumbo jumbo. There used to be really much more of a delineation between TV and movie stardom back then. Anyway, happy game time, everyone. I'm glad that everyone is enraged. Tara: [1:15:00] Whee! Dave: [1:15:02] All right, guys, that is it for another episode of Extra, Extra Hot Great. Jim forced us to see whether or not WizKiss Beto... WizKiss? No, why do I keep on pressing that button? Why? Well, guys, that is it for another episode of Extra Extra Haunt Great. Jim forced us to see whether or not WizKids Fatal Error computed before answering your burning-ass EHG questions like, what planet will host the Real Housewives and Who's Who on the EHG Morning Show? We put Mad About You's tiny monologue into the tiny canon. we celebrated with three not-quite-top-11 lists and checked in with Stephanie's relationship with Seeking Sister Wife. And then we wrapped that whole thing up with Sarah's Winter Tales Game Time. Next up, it's something. Remember... I am David T. Cole, and on behalf of Tara Arrieta... Tara: [1:16:10] You kids know what a bookie is, right? Dave: [1:16:12] And Sarah D. Bunting. Sarah: [1:16:14] There must be some Tara in the atmosphere. Dave: [1:16:17] Thanks for listening, and we'll see you next time right here on Extra Extra. Awkward. Sarah: [1:16:31] Look, honey, Roman Holiday. uh Sarah: [1:16:42] this is extra.