Spilling Tea About The Thursday Murder Club

Clip: [00:00] Let me reassure you, I do everything in my power to save this place and you lovely people. Dave: [00:10] This is the Extra, Extra Hot Great Podcast, episode 370 for the August 30th, 2025 weekend. I am Danish Butter Cookie Tin with actual cookies and not sewing stuff in it, David T. Cole. And I'm here with the pushy lady who asks too many questions, Sarah D. Bunting. Sarah: [00:33] You all knew it was me. Dave: [00:35] And Dancing on Ice Pro to our Ariano. Tara: [00:37] You call that a triple axle? Welcome to Extra, Extra Hot, Great for this long weekend. Thank you so much for being here. We are recording this on Bon Jovi Friday. It's the bravest thing we've ever done. Dave: [00:56] Bon Chovy Friday. Tara: [00:58] So are glad to be here with you and so happy that your pledges have gotten us here. We are, as we said in the main episode this week, ridiculously close to unlocking the next ones. We are here today on this beautiful Bon Joey Friday to talk about the Thursday Murder Club at Cooper's Chase. Dave: [01:14] Bon Jovi Friday Friday Yeah, I'm gonna say sure as well. Tara: [01:18] A very lux retirement community in the English countryside, several residents have formed a murder club, which meets on Thursdays in a multipurpose room when it's not being used for jigsaw puzzles or knitting classes. Retired psychiatrist Ibrahim, Ben Kingsley. Retired union organizer Ron, Pierce Brosnan. Retired uh international relations specialist Elizabeth, Helen Mirren. They all formed the club with retired cop Penny Susan Kirkby, but now Penny is unconscious in hospice care, so there's an opening for a new member. When Joyce, Celia Imery, wanders in on a meeting and shows no shock at a photo of a murder victim, Elizabeth correctly guesses Joyce is a retired trauma nurse and invites her to join on a probationary basis. Soon they get to put their fifty plus year old cold case on hold for a hot one. Tony, Jeff Bell, the mobbed up co owner of Cooper's Chase, has been murdered and right after a fight with his fellow co owner, Ian, David Tennant. The movie was adapted from Richard Osman's novel, which turned into a novel series, by Katie Brand and Suzanne Heathcote and directed by Chris Columbus. Dropped on Netflix August twenty eighth. And since it is a movie, we will be talking about the whole thing. Let's do the Chen check-in. Sarah, should our listeners watch The Thursday Murder Club? Sarah: [02:36] Sure. Tara: [02:36] Dave. I'm going to say it's probably the kind of thing you may want to save for the next time you need to watch something with your parents. Dave: [02:44] With your mom. Yep. Sarah: [02:45] Yep, sure. Yep. Tara: [02:47] But if you are your own parent and this is the kind of thing that you like, this is the kind of thing you like. Let's get into it. Sarah, I'm so happy for you. You have a new goal for your Twilight years, which is becoming Elizabeth, forming a murder club in your own retirement home. Sarah: [03:04] It's not that far away, folks. I can almost taste it. I can almost taste the lemon drizzle cake. Tara: [03:11] Mhm. Sarah: [03:11] This is, I would say, on a scale of one to man on the inside. It's like a six and a half. It's not quite as good and funny as that, but it's also less than two hours. If you like Midsummer Murders and Inspector Lindley and aren't terribly bothered by how Rube Goldbergian various plots are. Actually, Unforgotten is another good comp, except with some actual, like, levity. To it, the actors are clearly having fun, not working that hard. And there are some lovely, sweet moments. Pierce Brosnan wearing a fairly tight Bruce Springsteen tour t-shirt. Did not hate it. It is very sort of gentle, fun that isn't condescending to q-tips. So, yeah, I liked it a lot and aspirational, like Tara said. Tara: [04:07] Yeah, I know I'm getting old because I was really taken by all of Elizabeth's chic looks in the movie. Sarah: [04:13] Mhm. Tara: [04:14] She got some good wardrobe. Sarah: [04:15] Yeah, she did. Tara: [04:16] And the moment that she comes out in her Queen Elizabeth II at Balmoral drag to pass as a feeble old lady to go to the cop shop was also very good. Sarah: [04:26] And that Jonathan Price, formerly playing Prince Philip, was like, You look like the queen. Tara: [04:31] Yes. Sarah: [04:31] It was very good. Tara: [04:32] To Helen Mirren, who also formerly played the queen I also know I'm getting old because I loved the individual design touches in all of their suites at Cooper's Chase when we see them. That they're they each Clearly, got to make their own customizations and have really leaned into that. By the end, when we see that Ron has a beer tap in his, it's like, okay, this is the proper way to retire. Sarah: [04:57] Yeah. Mm-hmm. Tara: [04:58] And note on the exterior to anyone who thought the place looked too much like the estate and too much with the terrible wedding. It is. It's called Engelfield House and has been used in a bunch of different productions. Sarah: [05:09] In my notes, I was like, Is that the Downton house? And then I crossed it out and was like, Is that the I Want to Marry Harry house? Might have been. Tara: [05:18] Obviously, this is a personality drone project, but was the mystery itself twisty enough for you, Dave. Dave: [05:25] It was fine. I mean, a lot of people died along the way, so they kept it going. There wasn't a lot of lull where they're just looking over paperwork and stuff like that. So I appreciate that. Part of it just as a kinetic forward motion device, it was fine. The whole thing I thought was aggressively fine. I thought it Was well cast in lots of big names, but then after seeing that big list of big names, I was sort of let down by a lot of the performances. I thought they were again aggressively fine. But my big problem with it is that it didn't seem very British. I was sort of hoping for like the cozy and British, as I call them, mysteries. And obviously he's in Britain and his chalk a block full of British actors, but it also seemed like an American mystery show or movie that was filtered through Great British Bake Off. Aesthetics and niceties. I don't know if it's the Chris Columbus of it all, but it seemed. Can you have British whitewashing? If so, yes. That's that's yeah, brit washing. Sarah: [06:27] Brit washing. Dave: [06:29] And even the bit players, their big names, Jonathan Price, cornering the market on senile old men and spy families. Tara: [06:36] Yep. Dave: [06:37] The mob boss from Moblin. Tara: [06:40] Mm-hmm. Dave: [06:41] Lot of character actors that you're like, oh, I know that guy from 10,000 things. So I was like, this is like so well put together. But then it's sort of just at the end of it, I was like, that's a bowl of oatmeal or porridge or whatever the hell they're serving over there. Tara: [06:56] Mhm. Dave: [06:56] So I was like, it's fine. It's definitely something you watch with your mom on Saturday afternoon on the second to last day they're here. Tara: [07:04] Yep. Dave: [07:04] And then you're done. Sarah: [07:07] I don't know. I think my expectations were a little lower than Dave's, even given this extremely heavy, you know, this murder's row, as it were, of actors in the cast. That you know, you look on IMDB and you're like, oh, geez. And then, like, he doesn't even show up. Like, Richard E. Grant doesn't even show up, pointedly snipping roses with his hands covered in blood from the thorns. Until like more than halfway through, I'm gonna say. Like, you see pictures of him, but it's like, when are we gonna get to the Boil on His Neck factory? And once he finally appears and apparently now has a like sideline in villainy, like that's this whole thing now as a late middle age actor, which I'm fine with. But I felt like it was going to be a glass onion type of project in terms of how you knew every single person in the Cast, but I also wasn't really expecting greatness. I was expecting very goodness and That's what I got. So I didn't really feel like it was so much of a wasted opportunity, mostly because I'd heard of this franchise before, I knew who directed it, and I did feel like if there were any aspirations on the part of the production to like Stray from the dead center of the cozy mystery for your mom Fairway, that that was like quickly corrected by a network note. Like, I expected a strong B, and that's what I got. Tara: [08:37] Yeah. Dave: [08:38] See, I was expecting something more along the lines of the full Monty, but there's a murder in it. That sort of sense of Britishness, that sort of sense of That's true. Sarah: [08:48] I mean, you did sort of get a full Monty in charcoal form. Tara: [08:52] It's true, we do. Dave: [08:54] Teeth is the wrong word, but it just wanted a little twist. Like, you know, I wanted a little lemon in this, and it felt it wasn't really there. Sarah: [09:00] Yeah. Yeah, no, I could see that. It definitely isn't. I just sort of wasn't expecting it. Even like even despite Alan Mirren's presence, that sort of is usually that bit of tartness. You want, but I kind of felt like, you know, who else would they have cast instead? Like Kristen Scott Thomas? I don't know. Dave: [09:21] I thought that the new recruit, the nurse, should have been I'm going to get her name wrong, Imelda Stanton. Sarah: [09:22] Is she old enough? Tara: [09:28] Staunton, uh-huh. Sarah: [09:28] Staunton, yep. Dave: [09:29] Yeah, I feel like it was written for her and then she decided not to. It feels like very much, yeah, that's true. Sarah: [09:35] This is too many queens. We can't. Dave: [09:37] Yeah, queen fight, yeah. Tara: [09:38] Yeah. Sarah: [09:39] I know. Tara: [09:40] You've already brought up Mobland. Sarah: [09:40] Queen Franklin. Tara: [09:41] Is this a better movie if they cast Tom Hardy as Ron's son instead of Tom Ellis? Dave: [09:47] I mean, I enjoy Tom Hardy in almost everything he does because he inhabits whatever it is, even if it is barely a character, such as Moblin. So, sure, yes, I would have enjoyed that. And I think he and Brosn play well off each other in Mopland. So, I would like to see that, I guess, in a more relaxed environment, might have been interesting. But that character is also under suspicion for a lot of the movie, so you don't get a lot of hardy-esque histrionic acting moments that you would want. Tara: [10:19] True, but he he does have the build of an X boxer. Dave: [10:22] Oh, yeah, totally. Tara: [10:23] Who's retired, and I would like to see him skating around for his dancing on ice rehearsal. Sarah: [10:26] Oh, my God, I was just gonna say, mm-hmm. Tara: [10:30] Was there, Dave, enough Paul Freeman for you? And at any point, did you catch him eating a bug? Dave: [10:35] I did not. It took me a moment to place him because he's got a Carl Pinkerton head now. Tara: [10:37] Mm-hmm. Dave: [10:41] It's very round, and also he has A white tuff and a white beard that sort of frames that round face. So he sort of looks like he's got a parka on in the middle of the winter. Took me a moment to recognize him. But what I did, I was like, well, okay, there's another one to add to the list. Here's another character actor they just slapped in there, and he's a well-known name. But yeah, if they could have slipped a bug in there, I would have been, that's a good reference, but they didn't. Man loves bugs. Tara: [11:06] He does. I was sad for the Raisin community that this wasn't a movie movie because, you know, old people like to go to the movies too. Dave: [11:14] I was just thinking about this. We've lost the TV movie. It no longer exists in the it hasn't existed for a while, but certainly it is completely dead in the era of streaming. Tara: [11:18] Yes. Yes. Dave: [11:25] But this feels like it's twenty to thirty percent TV movie DNA, partly because it's a Netflix movie and they never really get to the upper reaches of what they could be. Tara: [11:37] Yes. Dave: [11:37] But partly, it just feels like that sort of non-offensive, hiding the worst of it. It's a murder, but it's cheery. These are all things I associate. With a TV movie back in the day, right? Like this could have been a Remington Steele TV movie type of deal. And it just kind of felt like that. And I kind of, that part of it, I kind of enjoyed. And maybe if I came into it thinking it was more of a TV movie vibe, I would have been more impressed with it. But I thought it was Netflix doing a movie release on their network, and that sort of put me off, I guess. Tara: [12:11] To wrap up my final question, if we were all lucky enough to retire to a community as fancy as Cooper's Chase, which amenity that we saw displayed other than the Murder Club would you most have enjoyed, Sarah? Sarah: [12:23] Even though I can't even draw a stick figure, I do feel life drawing in the garden, in the sunshine. would be the thing that I most enjoyed. And Dave, going back to your earlier point, maybe that's why it didn't feel all that British. It was like insufficiently foggy for a United Kingdom property. Dave: [12:42] That's what I'm saying when I say it felt like it was filtered through Great British Bake Off. It had that sort of tent in the field in the sun sort of vibe to it. Tara: [12:49] Yeah. Sarah: [12:49] Mm-hmm, with a giant bumblebee getting its sag card. Dave: [12:50] Yeah. That's right. Sarah: [12:53] Yes, I totally get it. Dave: [12:54] Yeah. Sarah: [12:54] Sorry. But yes, I think life drawing and just like not really. Focusing on the twig and berries aspect of the still life, that would be that would be fun. It's not something I'd normally do. And it seemed like they had a lot of people taking the class. Tara: [13:09] Mm-hmm, Dave. Dave: [13:10] I mean, I guess the grounds adjacent cemetery is convenient. Tara: [13:17] That's what you would enjoy. Sarah: [13:18] Just tip right in, tuck and roll. Dave: [13:20] Short trip. Don't have to pay those expensive Uber Hearst fees. Tara: [13:25] Wait for there to be an open grave, just fall in it. Dave: [13:27] Just fall in. Sarah: [13:27] Uh-huh, yep. Tara: [13:28] Yeah. Dave: [13:28] This one's mine. Bring a pillow. Drift off. Never wake up. Tara: [13:32] When we heard tell of intermediate knitting, I thought, maybe this is finally when I will learn. Sarah: [13:34] Jesus. Dave: [13:38] But here, okay, so how old are these, generally speaking? They're like late sixties to like late seventies, right? Tara: [13:45] No, they're like in their yeah, in their seventies. Dave: [13:47] Yeah, okay. Tara: [13:48] Yeah. Sarah: [13:48] Yeah, someone said they were seventy-six explicitly. Dave: [13:51] Oh, okay. So they got 20 and a bit years on us. So in 20 years from now, will there be computers where I can play video games? Have my Fragfests in a retirement home situation. Tara: [14:04] Yes. I have to think there will be because you're not going to be the only one who wants to do it. But I just imagine monitors are have going to have to get gigantic so that you can blow them up. Sarah: [14:14] Yeah. Dave: [14:14] 120-inch monitor. Tara: [14:15] Yes. Like when you like how you increase the size of your text on the phone, you have to do that with your computer as well. Dave: [14:21] Yeah. That's right. Sarah: [14:23] It's just an entire wall of the of the apartment. Tara: [14:23] Yeah. Dave: [14:23] Yep. Tara: [14:26] It's probably coming. Sarah: [14:28] Yeah, fine with it. Dave: [14:36] You know what everybody else is fine with? It's the theme to ask EHG, which you're hearing right now, and it is number one on Billboard. All right, it is time for Ask EHG. But first, before we get to your questions, we do have some judgment for last week's Ask, ask, ESG questions, so let's find out who our judges. We, will, we, we, we, we, we'll, Tara. Tara: [15:11] Yes, this completely random drawing made me the judge, even though it was a question from you. Dave: [15:16] I'm glad you got it because there were ten thousand answers. Tara: [15:19] Oh my God, there were so many. Really, people got into the weeds and may still be there and never get out because of how intensely they answered this question. Dave: [15:25] Yeah. Tara: [15:28] The question being, Jeopardy is the perfect game show? Or is it? What's the one thing you're going to add to make it perfect? Dave, what is your answer? Dave: [15:38] My answer is random lightning flashes and thunderclaps. Tara: [15:45] Okay. Dave: [15:46] To an episode, and they're just like trying to answer stuff, trying to concentrate. Tara: [15:47] Mhm. Dave: [15:50] And suddenly, there's like a murder mystery thunderclap and lightning, like from an Agatha Christie interrogation scene. Tara: [15:52] Mm-hmm. It also, I mean, that borrows from Guy Montgomery's Guy Mont Spelling B when the final round. No one knows when the end of the round is, so stop spelling. Dave: [16:05] The buzzer's up and Zeus proclaims it over. Yeah. Yeah, but more random. Tara: [16:09] Yes. Exactly. Some of the runners up, Jesse says, stop scheduling the tournament of champions. Let it happen when you have enough five-day plus champions, three-day winners in the TOC. Puffui that is P F U I period yep well you can give you can okay Seekant, if you land on a daily double, you must bet more than the value of the clue space. Dave: [16:28] Can that one win for Puffui? All right, extra sticker for Puffui. DM me. All right, here we go. Tara: [16:41] None of this $400 clue, $200 daily double bet just because you don't know shit about Swiss geography. I like that. Dave: [16:48] What if they had daily doubles and balls out daily doubles where you had to bet the maximum? Sarah: [16:49] Yeah. Tara: [16:52] Yes. Yeah. Some might say you should make returning champions have to do that as a handicap. Shaban says ties are so rare, they should let people who make them come back the next day as previous instead of having to do sudden death. I agree with that. But our winner this week is Seth. Skip his first suggestion and go straight to the real one. His first suggestion is give Ken a giant mustache. I don't think anyone needs that. But also writes. While I get that removing the five-win limit for returning champions initially revitalized the show and created a star in Jennings, it also introduced the metagaming with James Holzauer and basically broke the traditional Jeopardy format. Therefore, returning champions now need to double or nothing. If they want to come back for the next episode, they need to risk their prize winnings. If they win the next episode, they get a one point Five cash multiplier, but if they lose, they lose everything. Higher stakes, more audience investment, less probability of a charisma vacuum streaking for 100 episodes. I love it. Dave: [17:51] What I would suggest, and I think somebody else suggested this, a similar idea was each time they come back after five, they start with a negative value. And it grows each time they win. So the first time they come in, they got negative 500. Tara: [18:04] Right. Dave: [18:04] The next time they got negative 1,000 at the start of the game to sort of give everybody a handicap. Tara: [18:06] Right. Yes, I like that too. Dave: [18:11] Yep. Tara: [18:12] So, Seth, DM Dave for your sticker. Dave: [18:14] I think Seth just won stuff, so I don't have anything I might not have anything new for you, Seth, but DMB anyways, I'll figure it out. All right, let's get to your questions for us. First one is from MessiOne. They are rebooting the A team, and you are in charge of casting. However, you can only cast people who share your birthday. Tara: [18:33] Sure. Hannibal Smith is going to be Winston Churchill. I think we all agree he loves it when a plan comes together. For Faceman and Master of Disguise, we're going to go Chrissy Teigen. Chrissy obviously knows how to use makeup effects. For B. A. Barakis, someone I had never heard of before, but is a WWE star. This person's name is Naomi, and she definitely looked tough in the picture. So I think she's going to be the enforcer. And for Howling Mad Murdoch, I feel like this is actually the best match and could happen. Colin Mockri from Whose Line Is It Anyway? I think could capture the sense of chaos of Murdoch. Sarah: [19:07] Oh, wow, yes. Love that. Dave: [19:11] That's really good. Tara: [19:12] Yep. Dave: [19:13] I do like that one. Sarah: [19:15] I may have the cinchiest job here. There's like just a shit ton of actors alone who share my birthday. Let's find out with A Team the Musical. Music by Andrew Lloyd Webber. Teleplay by Carlton Q's. Why not? Starring William Shatner as Hannibal, Lena Olin as Face, Keegan Michael Key as Helen Matt Murdock, and that's another one that it's like, yeah, I could see that actually really happening. Tara: [19:39] Yep. Mhm. Yep. Sarah: [19:41] And J. J. Watt as B. A. Barrackas, because why not? Tara: [19:44] Sure. Mhm. Sarah: [19:46] Dave Mhm Yes Yes, gorgeous. Dave: [19:46] I don't have as many as you, but I had ones that lined up absolutely fucking perfectly. So get ready for this. Hannibal George Clooney. Tara: [19:53] Shit. Dave: [19:54] Face, Rudolph Alentino Howland Madden Burdock, Sigmund Freud And as BA Barakis, Orson Welles Erica, you're in charge of an America's Got Talent type of show, but no singing allowed. Tara: [19:56] Yep. Dave: [20:12] Who are your judges? Sir. Sarah: [20:14] I went with Johnny Weir, fashionable, fun athlete, has a lot to say about a lot of things. Harry Connick Jr. , who knows music and performance and is not afraid to be sugar-free, but also isn't gratuitously mean, despite various people booing in American Idol audiences. Prue Leith, because why not? I enjoy her necklace game, which is constantly evolving. Dave. Dave: [20:38] I don't know why this wasn't in the question. I just assumed it was for some reason, but I put characters. So these are characters from TV that are now judges through the process of magic. Tara: [20:43] Hmm. Think that's fine. Sure. Dave: [20:47] Bojack Horseman. Sarah: [20:47] Why not? Tara: [20:48] Mm-hmm. Sarah: [20:49] Yeah. Dave: [20:49] Ed Karn and House from House Nobody wins anything Jovial Jen, after noticing Grateful Dead, Faith, and Chris Brown theme days advertised at my local baseball stadium, I'm wondering What would be the worst or weirdest theme days for your local baseball stadium? Sarah: [20:51] Mhm. Oh wow. Yeah. No, except the viewer. Tara: [20:58] Ari Emanuel, the super agent, to bring actual rigor and business sense. Also, he's hot. Kiki Palmer to be funny and nice. And entertaining, and to be funny and unpredictable, Cola Scola, who I think would have many things to say about many of these applicants. Sarah: [21:15] Huh? Dave: [21:27] Is Faith a group? Tara: [21:29] I assume faith, like the concept of faith? Dave: [21:32] Really? Tara: [21:33] Yes? Dave: [21:33] Okay. Tara: [21:34] It might be the band. Faith Band is an American rock band from Indianapolis, Indiana. Dave: [21:38] That sounds about right. Tara: [21:39] But they haven't been a going concern since about 1979. Sarah: [21:40] Yeah. Dave: [21:43] Oh. Tara: [21:43] So sure, yep, doesn't mean they couldn't. Dave: [21:44] Well, that's why they're at local baseball stadiums. Yeah, sure. Sarah: [21:47] Yep. Tara: [21:48] Free football day, Sarah. Sarah: [21:51] We're raising Gowanus Canal Rehabilitation Awareness with Sunday Super Fund, eh? Tara: [21:58] Ah, cute. Sarah: [21:59] And there's a giveaway first 10,000 fans receive underwater goggles and a trash gaffer. Tara: [22:05] Oh no. Dave: [22:07] Damon, on a scale of one to Meryl Streep, how do you rank the gummers, including stealth gummer? I took myself off this question because I don't understand. What any of that means, except for Meryl Streep. All right. Tara: [22:18] Okay, well the stealth gummer is Louisa Jacobson, who plays Marion in the Gilded Age. She's the one who doesn't go by their name. Sarah: [22:25] I thought the stealth gummer was Henry, but anyway. Dave: [22:27] Well, then he's doing a really good job, isn't he? Tara: [22:28] Oh, I guess. Sarah: [22:30] Yeah. Dave: [22:30] You thought he was the stealth gummer all along. And then Wamba Plavo! Tara: [22:33] I didn't even know about Henry, so I didn't rank him. Dave: [22:36] You've been gummed. Tara: [22:37] I have. The rankings go may me number one gummer. Grace, number two. Then tied for third, all other universes hypothetical parallel gummers, and then Louisa Jacobson is in last place. Dave: [22:51] Before we get to Sarah's ranking, I have to ask, Gummer's by marriage, or did Streak change her name because it was Gummer and it's a terrible name? Tara: [22:58] Gu no, well, her husband's name they're, you know, not together anymore. Sarah: [22:59] No. Her ex-husband, Don Gummer, is a sculptor. Tara: [23:01] She married Don Gummer. Yes. Yes. Dave: [23:06] All right, Sarah, Rank. Sarah: [23:08] I didn't rank them. I did one to Meryl Streep. So, in order of their birth, famous original Don Gummer is a five that we know so little about him is a mitzvah, frankly, right in the middle. Henry is a three, same reason. I assumed he was Stealth Gummer. Mamie is a seven, loved her and the Good Wife. Grace is an eight. I think she might be the better actor. Louisa, another five, because I don't watch Gilded Age and have no opinion. Dave: [23:33] Sulie rhymes with Julie. Please swap one character from the Gilded Age with their functional counterpart on Downton Abbey. What is the result? Sarah. Sarah: [23:43] Well, see my immediately previous comment. I didn't want to go too obvious and do a direct Jack Trotter Barrow trade. I thought there was maybe two on the nose, so I flip Michael Serverus's Mr. Watson and Brendan Coyle's Mr. Bates. I'm not. Totally sure what Watson's mysterious past is, but I have to think he'd handle it a lot better than Bates. And also Cerverus brings that fringy I can disappear to an alternate timeline power. To Downton, not to mention singing. Bates, meanwhile, will be fairly expeditiously run over by a carriage because that old injury will make it that much harder for him to get out of the way. Sorry that I'm not your Gilded Age guy on this one. We're trying to fix it, I promise. Tara. Tara: [24:29] I'm going to flip, do exactly what Sarah said she wasn't going to, and flip O'Brien and Turner both. Ladies' maids to the lead lady. O'Brien gets fired when Lord Grantham finds her in his bed. Bertha Russell just develops chronic pain from slipping on soap next to the tub since. Her ass isn't getting pregnant again after Gladys. Gladys is a lot. Dave. Dave: [24:51] The duplicitous melted Canadian cousin from Downton Abbey is swapped with the duplicitous non-French at all chef Borden. Turns out the Russell family fucking loves poutine. Turns out Lord Grantham hates both the French and Americans because they have a little what in them, Tara? They have a little what in them, Tara. Tara: [25:13] Oh, oh, yes, of course. Dave: [25:13] Mm little Johnny Foreigner in them. That's right, Johnny Foreigner. Doctor Calhoun, your acting career has taken off and you landed a role in a new drug commercial. What embarrassing ailment are you pretending to have? Sexy pigeon toes. Sarah. Sarah: [25:29] Sciatica, and not so much for the pretending, Tara. Tara: [25:33] Please let me be one of the Crohn's disease sufferers driving around on a toilet in our car. Please Well, the best is Layla Robin as young Livia Soprano. Sarah: [25:42] Sugarman, is that you? Dave: [25:44] That's Crohn's disease, right? Yeah. Sean M, what show has done the best with casting younger versions of older characters, or vice versa? Tara: [25:57] Still the best ever, in my opinion. Worst, Heather Locklear and Rena Sofer in their late 30s playing their Melrose Place characters as high school students on Melrose Place. Sarah. Sarah: [26:10] I gave up on yellow jackets, but the casting was not why. This is, I think, the current gold standard for Getting not just very good face mapping in the casting, both younger and older, but also good actors in both. Sides of the timeline. And I didn't do a bad version, but I concur with Tara's 100%. God, that was so bad. Tara: [26:32] It really was. Sarah: [26:33] Dave. Dave: [26:33] I thought the casting department and the actor did a good job with Young Cece on New Girl. Tara: [26:38] Mm, yeah, she really looks like her. Mm-hmm. Dave: [26:41] Ellen, back in the day, did you all have TV theme song Ringtones on your phones? Bonus points if you paid to download it. Sarah. Sarah: [26:51] This just came up yesterday. My brother and I were reminiscing about That time that we were in court, long story, he didn't do anything all that really bad, but my ringtone, which was Hawaii 5-0. at the time went off and everyone was horrified and I could just Dave was like trying to melt into a puddle in his own shoes and uh the judge was like I really loved that show and the theme song, so I'm gonna let it go. Dave: [27:06] All right. Sarah: [27:17] But go turn your shit off in the hallway, please. And I've thought fondly of that judge ever since. For the record, I still have the Unsolved Mysteries. Famous original tone, which I recut myself for the blotter presents as my ringtone. It's just never on anymore because it's 2025. Dave. Dave: [27:39] So, when cell phones took off, I wanted them to sound like A regular phone so it wouldn't gain attention. Now I use the default iPhone ring for the same reason. Although, in my heart of hearts, I do want that 1970s Bell telephone ring on my phone, but there's We don't have the technology, so it's never happened for me. Tar. Oh, I've never paid for a ringtone in my life. Absolutely would not. Tar. Tara: [28:04] Yeah, I never paid for a ringtone either and I don't have a T V ringtone, but my my ringtone has been Rob Wriggle Yelling Pow and Step Brothers since the late teens or the late not even the late aughts and it has never changed. Dave: [28:15] Yeah. Tara: [28:19] But as Sarah said, my phone is never on to hear it. Dave: [28:22] Yeah, my phone is on do not disturb 99. 5% of the time. Tara: [28:27] Yeah, it's not annoying at all. Dave: [28:27] So, and then and muted. And well, that's how I want to live my life. Tara: [28:31] I understand. Sometimes I need to reach you. Dave: [28:34] Mill snack, do you think you'd be better at stand-up or sketch comedy? Sketch one hundred percent. Tara: [28:40] Yeah, sketch, because I could potentially minimize my exposure, Sarah. Sarah: [28:45] Stand up, not close. Dave: [28:47] Really? Hmm. Tara: [28:49] You're surprised? Dave: [28:50] Alright. Tara: [28:50] I'm not. Dave: [28:51] Hmm. Alright. Bizarre Laura has your Ask Ask EHG question. What is a show that should have ended at a different moment during its run? That is your question. Go to the Ask Ask EHG channel on our Discord server. Plop your answer there. We'll be back soon with Judgment. It is time for the tiny cannon presenting this week is our own Sarah D. Bunting. Sarah: [29:16] Hello. Once upon a time, in the Reagan era, Mr. Frank Perdue and his folksy family business were the premier name in at-home poultry. It took a tough man, they said, to make a tender chicken like Purdue's. And it took a tough man's legendary marketing team to make advertising history By being the first corporation to put its CEO in ads for the product, winning industry awards, and making its client the first household name in its sector and maybe, just maybe, getting an ad for a food only one of these panelists even eats into the extra, extra great tiny cannon This commercial for the Purdue Oven Stuffer Roaster Chicken was designed to appeal to consumers who, I guess, thought an entire bird was an immoderate purchase, too wasteful for the average non-occasion weekday meal. Not so, argued this T V spot, which showed a family's refrigerator door opening and closing over time-lapsed footage, while a juicy and delicious Purdue chicken dwindled down to the bone thanks to snacking. It's not just for meals, it's for between meals too. And it's a hell of an earwig. Clip please, Dave. Clip: [30:26] Pick up a big juicy Purdue oven stuffer roaster every week so there'll always be something around to pick off. The Purdue Oven Supper Roaster. Nobody gives you. Sarah: [30:56] Because it is not possible for people in my family of origin not to adapt this song to any and all situations nagging a spouse to turn in his postseason pool pick, pick, picks, of course, or picking a place to order in from. serenading a dog who was enjoying some peanut butter by licking it, accusing a sibling of being a dick. Note that this was my preferred usage, but my dad and his brothers went with prick, prick, prick It is also not possible just to sing it normally. The Diddy somehow compels the singer to warble it in its original, unpleasing Edith Bunker meets Camilla from the Muppets fashion Often accompanied, as my co-hosts can attest, by chicken wing arm movements and harmonizing, because I think we are far from the only family to have been earwigged by Mr. Perdue in this way. to the point that my brother and I would hear Barb singing it to a toothpick in the kitchen, and from the top floor of the house pick up the melody whether we wanted to or not, and we usually didn't. And because even though the idea of snacking on poultry is really weird to me, and especially the naked, unfoiled protected bird of the ad just sitting there on the top shelf, drying out next to the butter dishes The commercial is so streamlined, catchy, and efficient, so smart about moving other contents of the fridge around and making sure the pie you saw in the first shot is halved in the second and gone in the last one. that you just accept Sal M. O'Nella's alternate reality of between meal nibbles. Yep, totally normal to get home from school and wrench off a drumstick for MTV watching no notes? For all these reasons, I hope that you will pick, pick, pick this ad for inclusion in the extra, extra hot, gray, tiny commercial canon. And if you do, I promise never to sing like that again. Tara: [32:57] Don't make promises you can't keep. Dave: [32:59] Yeah. Sarah: [33:00] You're right. Dave: [33:01] So, when this one appeared in our dock, I was like, as a Canadian, I was like, well, this one passed me by. So I worry that Sarah is going for a nostalgia play and will have zero effect on me. But seriously, I listen to it five times in a row as soon as I it's it's maddening. Sarah: [33:20] I had the same concern, but I was like, I'm leaving it all in the field. Dave: [33:24] I want somebody on YouTube or TikTok to take the torture scene from Zero Dark 30 and take out the Metallica and put in pick, pick, pick. Sarah: [33:24] Don't care. Tara: [33:24] Mm-hmm. Dave: [33:34] That is the effect it sort of had on me. I started giggling right away. It was so bad. And Edith Bunker Meets Camilla is the absolute perfect descriptor of this. So I thoroughly enjoyed it. I never heard it before in my life. And I'm happy to have it here. And I've already earmarked it for future use in the show. So get ready for that, Sarah Debunting. Tara. Tara: [33:56] Yeah, I'm like Dave. This is my first time seeing this commercial in my entire life. It did not make it to Canada for whatever reason. Sarah: [34:02] Wow. Tara: [34:03] I assume because but even like I never saw it in American commercial blocks, like it must have just been local to the tri-state area. The jingle is undeniable, truly. And I predict that we're going to both be using it a lot around our house because at the end of the day, whenever we're like trying to decide who's going where, if it's Like, we're wrapping up for the night, just like, well, just let me know when you're done. I'm just picking at stuff, is what we usually say for just doing like little farty tasks that don't take a lot of attention and can be easily interrupted. Just pick, pick, pick, and whatever. Sarah: [34:39] Yeah, uh-huh. Tara: [34:39] So let me know. Dave: [34:40] That won't be happening. Sarah: [34:41] Mhm. Tara: [34:41] Well, I actually, I agree. Dave: [34:42] I refuse. Tara: [34:44] It's. It doesn't make sense that you would leave a chicken in the fridge uncovered like that, but repositioning it as like it's a thing people can just pull hunks off. Like, I see it, I don't know. As the only chicken eater on the podcast, Sarah also said, like, I can't endorse the ad when I endorse the product. If not this exact one, you know, other rotisserie chickens, like. The HDB one is pretty good. Of course, the Costco one. I don't know how anyone can walk around Costco and pass the chicken rack without breaking their vegetarian principles because it smells So good. Sarah: [35:17] It it really does. Tara: [35:18] I wish I had a rotisserie chicken on my desk to pick at right now. Dave: [35:21] Oh, they're so sweaty, though. Tara: [35:22] No, they're so good. Anyway, thank you for bringing this into our lives, Sarah. Dave: [35:27] Yep. All right, let's put this to the boat. Sarah: [35:28] You're welcome. Dave: [35:29] Tara, what do you say? Me too. So the pick, pick, pick song from the 80s Purdue as you are hereby inducted into the extra hot great tiny commercial canon. Clip: [35:41] Americans love a winner. Yup! And will not tolerate a loser. Nope! Dave: [35:46] It's time to discover who are not quite the winners and not quite the losers of the week. I will go first with some not quite winners Our first one is Astrology Weirdos like Sarah D. Bunting, as Netflix announces it's launching a hub to recommend shows based on your astrology, your zodiac sign. I went to the page. It doesn't know your birthday, so it doesn't automatically do it. It's just a list of all the zodiac signs and some suggestions for each one. Tara: [36:15] Mm-hmm. Dave: [36:16] They have 40 suggestions in a row. I went through all 40 for Taurus, and there were two that I actually would have watched. Those being Fairth Dealer's Day Off and maybe neighbors. So, really, just one for sure, then maybe neighbors. So, not a great hit rate. But if you want to check it out, what your sign offers, you can look at the show notes. There's a direct link to the genre page for that. Tara: [36:40] They were right about Venom the Last Dance for me, but so far that's the only one as I'm scrolling through. Dave: [36:46] Yeah. Tara: [36:47] No to One Piece, Netflix. Jesus. Dave: [36:50] All right. My second not quite winner is last one, laughing UK. Adding Sam Campbell, Mel from Great British Bakehoff, David Mitchell, and Diane Morgan to their second season, but adding Bob Mortimer from season one back into the mix. Which is great because he made everything twice as good, or if they didn't have them, would only be half as good in season two. That's the way math works. He was an absolute delight. The show was super funny. It is. Much more entertaining to watch British people do this show than it is to watch Americans. I don't exactly know why, except like their approach to comedy is a bit different, obviously. David Mitchell and Bob Mortimer being in the same room is going to be fun because their interactions on what I lied to you are sort of legendary. Tara: [37:33] Mhm. Dave: [37:33] David Mitchell is always second-guessing himself. Whether Bob Mortimer can actually have lived this life with these stories he can tell, and they're always true, and he always guesses it or not. Tara: [37:37] Yeah. Dave: [37:44] And he's always super frustrated that he couldn't get it right. So I'm looking forward to that. Loser, not quite. Number one is the paper. As Peacock switches from weekly drops to dumping all 10 episodes at once. So, what do you think the thinking is here? Are they dumping it because it takes a few episodes to get in the groove? Or are they dumping it because it's bad? Or are they dumping it because they just want to match? What people who have watched the office since it went off air are used to, which is all at once, gimme, gimme, gimme. Tara: [38:18] That's possible. The original plan was it was going to be four and for the premiere and then weekly after that. And four is like already quite a lot, especially after ten, if it's if there's only ten. Dave: [38:27] Yeah, right. It's about forty percent. Tara: [38:31] Yes, I think that if I had to guess, I think that they are expecting bad buzz. On this, like it's the premise of the show is, I can't say anything about, even though I've watched all ten. The premise of the show is that volunteer people who don't know what they're doing and have no experience are just being volunteer reporters at this paper, which is owned by a larger paper company that also makes toilet paper, which is what the office Mostly is consisting of in the bullpen people that work at Softie's toilet paper company. So I think it's going to be hard for people who write For a living to not tear this to toilet papery shreds, but you know, we'll see. So I think that might be why they're just like, we don't want a drip-drip of people being able to say, do bad things. Let's just drop it all at once. Sarah: [39:23] Yeah. And it would also let them massage the numbers probably from people checking it out and like looks probably slightly better optically, or they can make it look better if everything came out at once, that it's less of a tail off. Dave: [39:36] Well, when the metrics are hours watched and you dump all 10, you get a big jump, obviously. Tara: [39:39] Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dave: [39:41] Yeah. Sir. Sarah: [39:42] My not quite winner is Hulu, which has landed Alex Gibney's documentary on Luigi Bangione. I am hopeful that Gibney's stature in the genre, in the medium, means that maybe he could just make a feature. or that he will be able to tell them what the timeline is in terms of trial proceedings and waiting for some Thing el like other facts to actually exist in this case before trying to make a definitive documentary about it, because there's been a couple of rush to print things that it's like, what are we doing? The ID, who is Luigi Mangione documentary was typical, that it's like Dan Abrams and Eric Adams. So you're talking ahead interviewees. Tara: [40:31] Hmm, cool. Sarah: [40:32] I just don't Just don't know what we're doing here. So, but Gibney's involvement makes me feel like it's not just going to be a cynical rush to judgment, as it were. My not quite loser is Marcus Limonis, who went on Newsmax to gripe about Gavin Newsome's chilling effect on California business. Buddy, don't go on Newsmax for any reason, but like if you're going to shit on Gavin Newsome, I don't know, any other reason. Tara: [41:01] Yeah, shit on him for being a fucking transphobe to start with. Sarah: [41:05] Yeah, and then Newsom's comms team, which is, you know, right twice a day. Hit back was pretty rude about Bed Bath and Beyond's bankruptcy and that Marcus Lamonas' Trying, I guess, to have it make a comeback. And Gavin Newsom's like, we thought that went out of business in the 90s. And we wish Mr. Limonis luck with his little project, or however it was that they put this tweet, which You know, okay, but also you're still Gavin Newsom's comms team, and get off of X, it's full of Nazi bots. Nobody looks good here, Tara. Tara: [41:41] My not quite winner of the week is International Taskmaster fans because starting with the Season 20 premiere on September 11th. The show is going to be releasing on YouTube the same day that it airs in the UK. Previously, it was the day after, and you had to know how to fly to England to get it the same day. Sarah: [41:55] Oh, nice. Mm-hmm. Tara: [42:02] You can just go to the official YouTube channel and watch the episodes there. So that's cool. Not quite loser of the week is Patrick Aiello, who is a producer of the terrible War of the Worlds movie that I talked about a few weeks ago, the Amazon Prime thing, where the hero of the movie is Amazon Prime. delivering by drone during an alien apocalypse. Aiello has claimed that was not Amazon product placement in the movie, even though the movie was released. On-prime video. They didn't know that at the time they made it. He says, We thought it was going to be in theaters. And, like, buddy, if you did think that, I really feel sorry for you because that is a dog shit. Sarah: [42:39] Oh, honey. Yeah. Tara: [42:43] If uh, Thursday Murder Club for All Its Faults isn't a movie movie. War of the Worlds 2025 certainly isn't. And I also don't believe you. And I don't think you can get permission to do all of that Amazon product use if there isn't some kind of a deal in place. So whatever, dude. Kim: [43:03] Hi, this is Kim Reid, and welcome to the most awesome thing I saw on TV last month. Last month I watched Little House on the Prairie, Season 4, Episode 12, entitled Here Come the Brides, which is one of the funniest episodes of the whole series, and I don't know if my descriptions will do it justice, so please consider just watching it. But here we go. So we open on a wide shot of all the school kids playing ball at recess. Then some hayseed rolls up in a wagon with his dad, and Laura pounces on him and asks if he's going to school there like Who shows up for their first day ever during recess? Although, honestly, excellent timing, because who wouldn't want to start their school day slamming a ball all the way to Hanson's Mill? Then Nellie introduces herself, and the boy's name is Luke Simms. And you know he's a hayseed because they throw the Mr. Edwards mouth harp on the soundtrack every time he's on screen. Also, that's a wrap for Laura for this episode, so I'm glad Melissa Gilbert got a bye week. The entire Ingalls family is basically absent. Luke's father, Adam, introduces him to Miss Beetle. and says since Luke's ma died, Luke has been missing, quote, a woman's touch, end quote, which is kind of a creepy way of letting us know that Adam is single. And also, why introduce a character named Adam when Mary's Adam will be introduced in like ten episodes? Anyway, Luke hates wearing shoes and I am with him on that front, although I would put shoes on for my first day of school, even on the prairie. Miss Beadle introduces Luke to the class, and Nellie shoves her seatmate and brother Willie onto the floor so Luke can sit next to her, which was hilarious. and Willie really went flying into the wall, which she probably deserved for something. Sometime later Nellie invites Luke to supper at her house, and it's so weird seeing Nellie be nice Mallie talks about Luke with Harriet and says she wants to invite him to dinner. Harriet talks about how as the upper class they have to set a standard and she wants to know what Luke's father's all about. Does Harriet know she lives in the Mercantile and not Downton Abbey? Like they're rich for Walnut Grove, just like I would be a spring chicken if I lived in an assisted living facility. The bar is in hell Anyway, Harriet thinks Luke's dad is a rich farmer from what Nellie explained, so she agrees to have him for dinner. Mel's and Willie are wearing suits for dinner, so I'm sure this'll go well. So Luke shows up in his overalls and long underwear and no shoes. What we like to call the Jonathan Garvey, or at least the half Garvey, since even Jonathan usually wears shoes, and Harriet's face falls. Katherine McGregor was given a lot to do in this episode, and she really makes a meal out of it, which I appreciate. Speaking of meals, as they dish out their food, Luke takes about two thirds of the bowl of mashed potatoes and puts it on his plate, and after Nell serves everyone else slices from the roast, Luke just stabs the remainder like a Viking and puts that on his plate. Harriet gets the vapors over Luke's lack of etiquette, but Nellie just looks charmed. When it's time for Luke to go, he at least has nice manners here, and he thanks the Olsons, but after he leaves, Harriet screams and says she forbids Nellie from seeing him again because he's not suitable. Nellie says Luke aims to have a huge pig farm one day, and Harriet says she doesn't dream about Nellie becoming the Minnesota pig queen. Fill in your own first album, porno tape, drag queen name joke, as you see fit. The next day, or maybe a week later, or possibly years later, because who knows, Nellie and Luke walk out of school holding hands and she promises to meet him to go raccoon hunting again tonight. I would pay serious dollars to see Nellie go raccoon hunting. Does she handle a weapon, wear camouflage, does she wear overalls? Anyway, Harriet tells Nell's that Nellie's been going to her room right after dinner to study. But her grades are down and she can't figure it out, so she's going to go visit Miss Beetle. So that night Luke invites Nellie to a corn shucking on Saturday, which what in the hell is a corn shucking? Like I know what it means to shut corn and have done so many times, but why would it be a group activity? So I googled it and it has Native American origins, but just like everything else, the colonists appropriated it. And it actually sounds pretty fun. Like after the harvest, it'll gather and shuck corn, and there'd be one red ear of corn, and whoever got it would get to kiss anyone they want, which does sound a little less than consensual, but didn't everything in those days. Anyway. I just said shucking so much that I realized they probably used it because it sounds vaguely sexual or something on this children's show. That night is also Nellie's birthday, and she says huskily that she'll be full grown, a woman. Guys, I think Nellie's horny. Harriet spots Nellie and Luke on the front porch together after dark, when Nellie's supposed to be in her room, and screaming ensues. The next day, Harriet barges into the school and demands that Miss Beadle do something about the young lovers. Miss Beadle's like, This is my problem. Why? and Harriet says she's the teacher and Nellie's grades are suffering. Miss Beetle gets a funny and some might say horny look on her face and agrees. So Miss Beetle rides out to tell Adam Sims what's going on with Nellie and Luke. And she is just delighted with him and the pigs and the whole situation. So then Adam gives her a ham to say thanks. How romantic. Although I guess I'd rather have a ham than flowers. More practical. Then they realize their names are Adam and Eva, and they laugh and laugh, and I just realized that's why they named this character Adam, just so they could make that joke. Luke blows Nellie off after school and runs off to talk to Mary, and Nellie looks murderous. Turns out Luke wanted Mary's help to buy a ring from the mercantile, which is obviously for Nellie. And I know they only had one store in the whole town, but if Luke wanted this to be a surprise, he is doing this all wrong. Harriet makes the sale and then gets Nellie all riled up that it was probably an engagement ring for Mary, and Nellie just screams at her, Shut up and runs out And while Catherine McGregor's having a great time in this episode, Alison Ungram isn't far behind. Miss Beetle finds Nellie crying in the schoolyard as she sobs that she doesn't want to end up an old maid like Miss Beetle. Anyway, Miss Beetle doesn't get that upset about the obvious discs, but instead sees another excuse to visit her favorite pig farm. Miss Beetle rides in hot in her little carriage at the pig farm and starts yelling at Luke for leading Nellie on. Luke explains he bought the ring for Nellie's birthday, so Miss Beetle apologizes and Adam asked Miss Beetle to go to the corn shopping together, you know, just to keep an eye on Luke and Nellie. So it's the day of the corn shucking finally, and the Olsons all leave except Nelly. And Luke shows up and he gives Nellie the ring, and all is forgiven. And then they kiss while fireworks go off. Who paid for these fireworks? Who's setting them off? What if someone's crops start on fire? What if they hit the mill? I have a lot of questions about these fireworks. Then there's a montage of both couples falling in love, starting with Nellie and Luke running through a field, and I kept expecting Nellie to fall down like Carrie does in the Credits. And then Miss Beetle tries to catch a pig, not a euphemism, and then Nellie admires Luke chopping wood, not a euphemism. And then all four eat watermelon in the tall grass, still not a euphemism. Miss Beetle and Adam go for a stroll by the creek, and Adam proposes. Miss Beetle is stunned. Like, how did she not see this coming? And she doesn't say yes because she says she's old and has a job. So Adam tells her to think it over. WTF does she have to consider. Grab on to him, Eva. So then Luke proposes to Nellie, and she's also going to think it over. So she asks Miss Beadle for advice, and the bead says age and status shouldn't keep people in love apart. So Nellie runs over and tells Luke she wants to get married. And Luke says they have to elope or Harriet will stop them. So at least Luke isn't a total idiot. And honestly, from what we've seen so far, he's the only person in the world who can make Nellie act right. So I'm not against it. Miss Beetle rides out and tells Adam that she also wants to get married, and he hugs her and asks her to stay so they can tell Luke together when he gets home. Harriet tells Willie to go get Nellie for dinner, and Willie says he saw her leaving town with Luke and a suitcase a few hours ago. And you know Willie is the biggest snitch, and I refuse to believe he wouldn't have ratted Nellie out earlier. Anyway, in my second favorite line of the night, Harriet yells, Nells, get the shotgun So then Harriet and Nells and the shotgun ride out double on their horse and they fall off when they reach the Sims house, but Harriet pops right back up because of her rage probably. They're shocked to find Miss Beadle's there, and Miss Beadle admits she talked to Nellie about marriage, and Harriet has the vapors again, because Nellie's with that Clodhopper, as she calls Luke, and they all decide to head to Sleepy Eye to the Justice of the Peace and intercept the happy couple. I didn't think Sleepy Eye was that far away, but it's the middle of the night all of a sudden, and Nellie and Luke are mid-wedding ceremony. And the justice of the piece is hilarious because he's in his pajamas and he clearly thinks this marriage is a terrible idea and definitely not worth getting out of bed. His wife is asleep standing up, leaning on a wall, but she has to be there to serve as the witness. Luke and Nellie don't even know how to get married, so the justice has to grouchily guide them through it. The Justice says they're man and wife, and Mrs. Justice just pelts race at his head. Luke says they need to get a room. Wow, I didn't remember that they actually got married. Over under on whether someone says the word consummate Cut to their room where Nellie's undressing behind a screen, and she comes out wearing seven layers of pajamas and a cap. And then Luke takes his turn, and he comes out in his long underwear, and Nellie looks like she's gonna bar from fear. So the parents start searching boarding houses and hotels, and of course Harriet and Nells strike gold. So they burst into the kids' room and Harriet intones my favorite line of the episode Nells, make her a widow Harriet and Nels fight over the gun, which actually goes off into the ceiling. So I hope they're on the top floor, or they might need to call the sleepy eye equivalent of Doc Baker. And Luke hightails it out of the room. So then everyone's back together, and the parents take Luke and Nellie back to the Justice of the Peace, and he just rips up their marriage certificate and says they're no longer married. Is that all it takes? So then Miss Beetle and Adam decide to get married since they're there, and Luke is the best man and Nellie is the maid of honor and the Justice of the Peace is fed up. Adam and Miss Beetle don't look all that happy, but they get married and Mrs. Justice throws more rice. I totally forgot Miss Beetle actually got married. So we do see Adam one more time. But as for Luke, we never saw him again. And that was the most awesome thing I saw on TV last month. Dave: [52:31] Welcome in, Grandpas. This is your extra credit for this week. Earth is doomed. The mustard words have consumed the planet. The last act of the United Nations to send you on a spaceship to colonize an Earth-like planet a galaxy over. Traveling with you will be three T V characters of a co-host's choosing You don't have to worry about repopulating the human race since you are bringing those people pills Pfizer made before the world blew up. Your task is to describe how each character on your journey fares and how you interact with them. At least one character must die. Sarah: [53:05] Tara selected for me Ben Stone, played by Michael Moriarty from Law and Order, Drea, played by Christina Vidal from Primo, and Gordon Michael Dorman from For All Mankind, or as it's properly known, Space Show. Excellent choices, and I think there might be a little bit of a thematic runner in other choices elsewhere. I guess we'll find out later. For now, here's how it's going on on my ship. After takeoff, the rest of the crew and I don't see much of Ben Stone. That is fine with us, since the palate of constitutional law books he insisted on bringing so that he could reconstruct Earth Judiciary on Grey Poupon III kept fucking with the ship's launch alignment, and the USS Dagwood nearly shagged itself into the side of Mount Weather before even getting out of Earth's atmosphere. Like, you know that part of Shirley Jackson's memoir where she's talking about moving into that ancient house and they have so many fucking books that they have to stack them all around the perimeter of the living room so they don't all fall into the basement? That, but it's space. Anyway, once we are spaceborn, and Gordon and I have Shirley Jackson Stone's Law Library evenly around the craft. Stone is mostly at his floating desk organizing precedents and whatnot, and willfully refusing to understand that his readers wouldn't keep floating into other sections of the ship if he would just use the Velcro patches on his flight suit. Also, he has a necktie on over his flight suit, and Gordon and Drea do a lot of muttering about how they're going to officer of the court him over the head with a fire extinguisher if he doesn't get control of his fucking crumpled post its many of which keep ending up in our Chow, but Peren's complimentary on that because Drea's historic canonical ineptitude with recipe substitutions Was also loosed from the bonds of earth, and that fruit leather Tahiti Booyaba she's so proud of is much improved with the addition of some neon paper and post-it glue. It's still not good, it's still not edible, but it's improved. Gordon, unsurprisingly, smuggled a case of Fort Hamilton rye on board, so he's deriving most of his calories from that. Unfortunately, he's also deriving the bulk of his problem-solving from that, which is how he ends up perishing when he, quote, pops out. To fix the solar array, wearing a sexy kitten costume and a fish bowl, and trying to breathe through one of Stone's highlighter pans. More food for the rest of us, Drea chirps, at which time I kill her, pour myself a pint glass of Gordon's Booze, R. I. P. Thanks Buddy, and start watching Kelly Baldwin's YouTube channel for instructions on how to convert a bread machine for spaceflight and land it in 40% gravity. The end of humanity. Who's next? Dave: [55:57] Well, you uh picked my character, so why don't I go next? I have from Sarah D. Bunting, Ed Baldwin from Space Show, Al Swairigin from Deadwood. and Sarah Bunting from Downton Abbey. I think Sarah D. Bunting has set me up for Deadwood in Space. And here's my thinking. Obviously, we have Al Swerigen from Deadwood. Here's a guy who's going to press every advantage he has or can generate. But I think in Ed Baldwin we also sort of have an analogue to Seth Bullock. He's driven, tradition-bound, but willing to bend to rules, or look the other way when it suits his principled goals. That would make Sarah Bunting from Downton Abbey, the relatively progressive yet quite boring school teacher amalgam of Martha Bullock That is the wife of Bullock's brother. Brother dies, she comes to Deadwood. Timothy Off with his pants marries her. And Alma Garrett, the Molly Parker character who has all the money. She is the progressive boring person part of this math. So that means Al will attempt to take over the ship, not first in a muscly way, since he has none. But I also see him like figuring out how to control access to key areas, not necessarily for the running of the ship, but for the running of the human body. Like he locks down. The commissary and the fitness room, so you can't eat as much as you want, and you can't do those exercises, so your muscles don't turn into noodles in space, or whatever that's all about. You don't want your muscles to get space madness. Eventually, I think he'll try to co-opt the ship's robot to create an army of his own, and he'll probably try to figure out how to get the AI on his side to lock more and more of the systems under his control. However, like Seth Bullock, Ed Baldwin is not a man accustomed to not getting his way. He sees Al for who he is And what he is, and has made prior arrangements for this eventuality on the ship. Ed Baldwin has smuggled aboard in a spaceship container dozens of Korean immigrants who With the help of educator Sarah Bunting, we are taught how to farm in a spaceship and do an end run around Al's grip on the food supply. While Ed isn't happy with the amount of vegetarian bimbop he's been eating, he is pleased with defeating Al, who dies when the liver cancer finally catches up with him. Yes, Ed is pretty fucking pleased with himself until they discover all that extra Korean tonnage has thrown off the ship's trajectory right into goddamn Gorn space. Tara: [58:40] No, no That that tracks. Dave: [58:40] It's the goddamn Gorn again. Ed dies gornally. Sarah becomes head mistress of the Chester A. Sarah: [58:44] Oh no. Dave: [58:47] Gorther School of Dramatic Gorn Arts. All the stowaways transformed Gorin society when the Gorin discovered the only thing they love more than killing humans is vegetarian bimbap. And that's how humanity lives on. I am also on the ship, but I'm hiding during all of this. All right. Sarah: [59:08] Uh-huh. Dave: [59:09] Last scenario is for Tara. I picked the characters for Tara. Tara: [59:12] Dave did pick for me and I'm going to read them in the order he gave them to me verbally. Joey Turbiani from Friends. Character actress Margot Martindale from Brojack Horseman and Sa Guerrera from Andor after the events of Andor. So I'm going to start with Sa Guerrera. He's the only one of us with any. Space travel experience, but is also the toughest to take. Just asking if he wants a coffee can launch him into five minutes of dramatic speechifying. So at first, the other three of us just study what he's doing and try to learn as much as we can until we're comfortable doing it without him. Then we can find him to quarters. Inevitably, he breaks out and starts rampaging, so we have to airlock him. R. I. P. Sagara. Obviously, he was too beautiful for this world or the next. Joey is not really a huge help, but even though he is dumb, he's also good-natured and sweet. And he knows what he doesn't know and is scared to screw anything up. Joey is essentially fearful. This is someone who got so scared of the shining, he had to put the book in the freezer. So. If you need him out of the way, you can just make up a terrifying consequence like never touch that button. It's the one that releases the spiders. Joey is also easily redirected to the replicator to make him a meatball sub or the Joey special. Two pieces. What Joey is most useful for is when you don't feel like you're looking or doing your best, he will still reflexively hit on you, and the positive attention can get you through a tough leg of the trip. It is lucky for character actress Margot Martindale that her existence doesn't include her work as the narrator on The Chicken Sisters, which means she doesn't have to worry about me bugging her about it, but. Character actress Margot Martindale ranges from mischievous to potentially criminally insane. A typical quote is: When you get to heaven, look up Margot Martindale. I won't be there, but my movies will. But unlike Sagara, she is not so far gone as to be heedless about her physical safety. She's very interested to find out whether there's copper wiring in the ship, for instance, because that could be valuable. She's not going to sabotage the trip to get it. She does want to get to the new planet and start scamming pe the people that are grown from people pills and are very s susceptible to uh whatever scam she uh comes up with. So that's how it goes. We all make it except Sagerrera. Dave: [1:01:24] And that is it for another episode of Extra, Extra Hot Great. We kept our appointment with the Thursday Murder Club before answering your burning ass EHE questions like What's your B-Day A team, and who's judging on your version of America's Got Talent? Serva's pick, pick, pick for the Purdue Chicken As from the 80s made the tiny commercial canon. We celebrated those who weren't quite the best and worst of the week, and wrapped it all up with three vignettes of humanity's last gasp. Remember I am David T. Clip: [1:01:58] We're listening. Dave: [1:02:03] Cole, and on behalf of Tara Ariano and Sarah Debunting. Tara: [1:02:05] Remember your ABCs always bring cake. Dave: [1:02:12] God. Tara: [1:02:13] I told you. Dave: [1:02:14] Thanks for listening. We'll see you next time right here on extra, extra hot grade. Clip: [1:02:27] Look, I know that you're embarrassed about the TV work. You just don't have to make it so bloody obvious. Oh, Tara, gross. Um, I am recording. Rolling. Oh, Tara. Okay, all right, here we go. Silence. This is Extra Hot Great Minis. Today's topic is a better exit. Today's extra credit topic comes to us. Whoops! Sorry, quickly! Let's just go with it. Extra credit. comes to us from At the Stagmania, who asks us to talk about a character from a show who got written off in a way that infuriated us and how we would have done On it instead. I have a sneaking feeling that Nick and I might have picked the same thing, so I'm going to kick it to Nick first. Nick. Interesting. Yeah, I wondered if I picked the same thing as someone else too. I picked Sal on Breaking Bad. I mean, Sal on Mad Men. I think it was a cop out for Matt Weiner to just say, like, yep, that's how it was for gay guys in the 60s. They didn't fit in the world of our show, the end. I know he wasn't a main character, but for goodness sake, like. If we can devote an episode to seeing Paul Kinsey as a Hari Krishna writing Star Trek specs, we could have given equal time to revisiting Sal a few seasons later. And he definitely would have struggled for a while, I'm sure. I'm assuming he did not stay married to Kitty, but I do not buy that life Would have simply been over for him for a hugely talented gay artist in Manhattan in the late 60s. And especially when we saw him transitioning into being potentially a good filmmaker. We could have seen him doing like experimental shorts for Andy Warhol or jet-setting Decan. And more to the point, I think they could have made a great storyline about Don running into him late in the series, maybe even in the finale, because God knows we didn't need to devote that much screen time to fucking Asalen. But it's at a point where Don has been punished for gradually revealing more of his true self and maybe seeing Sal thriving as an openly gay man. maybe that's one of the things that makes Don realize that he's still holding on to too much of the past. So I think that would have been a better use of him. Tara? Well, first I want to mention an exit that did not happen and should have, because fucking Glenn on The Walking Dead, How Are You Still Alive? That was goddamn bullshit. But instead, I also wanted to mention the show that Nick thought he was talking about but wasn't, Breaking Bad, because of course I'm referring to my ongoing Open wound of a heartache over the death of Gus Spring. I want the, instead of Gus Ring having half his head blown off in a hospital room, I think he and Gail should Join forces, start a new meth empire somewhere less tense, a different setting, perhaps. Portland, Oregon. Vermont. Where they can somewhere equally as green, where they could Ben Jerry, Gail, and Gus. Yeah, in fact, I'm going to just go with that. Sure. They can start a meth/slash ice cream business in Vermont and live out their lives happily, far away from the poison that is Walter White. But then, like, the writers, it'll be like Bob's Burgers at the start of every episode. Episode: There was like a punny drug ice cream flavor. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Sarah. Uh Oz on Buffy. What the ginger hell was that? I'm still mad. I understand that the writers had to scramble because Seth Green wanted out. They didn't have to cast Paige Moss as fucking Varuka, who's fucking horrible. She's fucking horrible in everything she does. She was the horriblest as Varuka. If you really want to get rid of the character, it's a supernatural show, he's a werewolf, someone at animal control is bound to kill him, so I'd have just killed him. Dave. Okay, mine is Tasha Yar from Star Trek Next Generation. You may remember She Died by Black Goo. Sure. Not a really great way to go, especially for like a security, you know, weapons-oriented officer. So either she's got to go down in battle or, hear me out, she dies by snooznoo in that episode where She fucks data. Like something happens, and like it's sort of like, you know, the whole thing. Something shorts out in his room. It's the same kind of theory as like Superman and Lois Lane, except it's like this super strong android. And that makes her explode or something. It's gross. I regret everything about this one. Thanks for listening to this point, and never again, probably. Hey Biggs, since we're all gonna die, me and the guys are gonna have some beers on the deck. You know, Bon Jovi Friday. Bonjovi Friday! Friday! We're gonna rock it! We're so doing it! Wait, but today's Thursday! No, no, no, you don't understand. When you have Friday off from work and you just f around all day Thursday, you know what that is? That is a Bon Jovi Friday! Bon Jovi Friday!