Having A Little Boomity-Boom With Tequila & Bonetti

Clip 00:01 That dog's not coming home with me. I'm not giving you a choice, visiting Detective Benetti. Now, the department will reimburse you for food and out-of-pocket expenses. Yeah. So the first thing you ought to buy is a pooper scooper. A pooper? Scoper. He needs a number 10 cold shovel. God, now I'm ready for anything. Tara 00:25 My God. Dave 00:28 This is the Extra Extra Hot Great Podcast, episode 362 for the July 12, 2025 weekend. I am Yuppie Water Collar David T. Cole, and I'm here with little boomity boom Sarah D. Bunting. Sarah 00:48 My boy is getting busy. Dave 00:51 And peach salad Tara Ariano. Tara 00:53 Don't forget the tofu and bean sprouts. Dave 01:02 All right, welcome to Extra Extra Hot Great, the podcast made possible by your continued support. Thank you so much, everybody. It is my favorite time of the month. It is time for the Force inning Pool episode. And today's comes from Rachel from Chicago. And Rachel from Chicago writes in the why section. I can't believe this show, Tequila and Bonetti, existed, and I'd love to hear the panel's thoughts on it. And then the rest of Rachel's explanation is a description of the show's pilot. So we'll handle that part because it's fun to play along and discover it. And by the way, this is great. Tara 01:40 That's so strange. Dave 01:41 It's so weird. This show, Tequila Bonetti, was created by Donald P. Tara 01:47 Mhm. Dave 01:47 Balisario, whose other show creations include Magnum PI, Quantum Leap. Tara 01:51 Yep, of course. Dave 01:52 The entire NCIS Jagverse. He also created Tales of the Gold Monkey, which probably gave him no juice in Hollywood, but with me, Aces, 10-year-old me says, Way to go, Donald. Adding to his TV bona fides, he was a writer and/or producer on Kojak Baba Black Sheep, aka Black Sheep Squadron. Battlestar Galactica, Quincy ME, and Airwolf. So he's got a lot of other things going as well. This guy is a hit machine. I would say maybe one or two steps behind Stephen J. Cannell in TV history. Sarah 02:26 Uh-huh. Tara 02:26 For sure, he's still alive, he must be so rich. Sarah 02:27 Yep. And he also created Troyane Bellisario, who's married to one of the Sooths dudes, I think. Tara 02:35 Correct. We'll be talking about her later. Dave 02:37 So I guess with all that behind him, he had the juice to get this perplexing buddy cop show, Tequila and Bonetti, to air. And when I say buddy cop show, I mean that tequila is a French mastiff, as you might have guessed from the opening clip. So let's get into it. Chen Chekin, should people watch the pilot of Tequila and Bonetti called Street Dogs? Sarah D. Sarah 03:04 Absolutely not. Dave 03:05 All right. Bundy. Tara 03:07 If you're of a bent that likes to see strange corners of the television history and wonder how something so misbegotten was actually begotten, then yes, I don't think you need to watch more than one, but it is certainly a curiosity I'm not mad to have watched. Dave 03:26 Yes, this scratch is the same itch for me than David the Gnome did. That is such a weird piece of television that I absolutely enjoyed watching it, and I never want to see the show again. Tara 03:37 What was the show where the guy got reincarnated as a dog? Dave 03:40 Protinski Kind of, yeah. Tara 03:41 Puchinski, yes. It's of that ilk, I would say. Yeah. Dave 03:47 All right, let's rewind to the start of the episode, to the opening credits that are so 1992 they hurt. Tara 03:52 Oh, my God. Sarah 03:54 Oh, my God Fido Dido This actor, Jack Scalia, a model and staple of T V movies that no one remembers. Tara 03:55 They they really are. My note is Jesus Christ, these credits, and I stand by that. Dave 04:02 Not only are they quintessentially of its time, they also go on forever. Tara 04:02 This yeah. Dave 04:09 They are very long. These are the kind of credits that YouTube 90s nostalgia accounts wish they could emulate, but they end up just with dots and confetti designs. This is actual 90s versus perceived 90s. This is, you know, the 50s as a checkerboard diner versus what the 50s are actually like. Tara 04:29 Mm-hmm. Dave 04:30 It's really something. Go watch it. I actually can't do it justice describing it, but you'll be like, oh, damn, it's 1992. Let's get to the actual episode. We start basically in a highway traffic jam in Los Angeles. You've got all the greatest hits for Los Angeles markers. You've got day laborers. On the highway, and you got a fender bender, which Bonetti, he is an Italian-American import from New York City, just arriving in town. There's a fend bender just to the side of the road where he is stopped in traffic with two sort of rich douches types. They have a meet-cute. Clip 05:09 Rich dish Uh-huh. Looks like you and Ranger were gonna go do a little boom of the boom. Dave 05:19 This is our introduction to Bonetti, and let me tell you, it doesn't get much better as the episode goes along. Tara 05:24 Oh, God. Sarah 05:34 Most recently seen By me and Tara in the playing Joey Buttafuco in the Alyssa Milano, Amy Fisher Buttafuco film project. He's fine. He has a certain look and he's cheerfully doing all this, you know, like red checkered tablecloth. cliche crap that the script asks of him. The script did get did put him in the right precinct, home precinct, in New York, though. Tara 06:03 Oh, really? Sarah 06:04 I looked it up. Tara 06:04 That's interesting. Sarah 06:05 Yeah, he's from the six-two, which is Bensonhurst Bath Beach, which would track. Tara 06:10 Yeah, he's he's every stereotype. Sarah 06:10 Oh my god. Dave 06:14 Yes, he is. All right, and then the next scene is my favorite part of the episode. It is his arrival at the Malibu Beach Police Precinct, like right on the beach. He almost runs over a dog in the parking lot, and then the dog emerges from underneath his giant caddy, all dirty and greasy from the car's underside. Like he almost killed this dog. The dog talks, as we hear when Bonetti finally meets him, but he only talks to the audience. This is no Tara. This is no Puchinski. Tara 06:45 No, it's not. Clip 06:49 Hey, what's your problem? You, man, Brev. Why are you trying to bust the move on me with that Caddy, huh? No, no, no, no. Don't snarl at me. Yeah, I've been snarled up by junkyard dogs in Jersey that'll chew you into puppy chow. Now, come on, I'd invite him. Move on, please. Oh, puppy chow. Okay. All right. California. Even the dogs are whimps. Dave 07:13 And here we are with one of the hallmarks of Tequila and Bonetti. It is their subtle treatment of America's cultural stew. With tequila, the dog. Cough, cough. He goes inside of the precinct, and the building inside is a smorgasbord of salmon and mint paint. It is aggressively 1992 in a way that made my eyes water. Sarah 07:37 My God. Dave 07:44 He goes up to the what do you call it the booking desk. Where there are three youths getting booked for a petty crime. Clip 07:53 What are you? A lawyer? No, I'm a detective, uh, just like you, although I never busted anybody for stealing yuppie water. Sarah 08:02 Bunch of avocado heads. Dave 08:04 The storyline is these three kids went into a convenience store and stole Perrier. Tara 08:10 Yeah. Dave 08:10 Because, of course, they did. They're from California. Tara 08:13 Mhm. Not beer. Dave 08:15 No, not beer. Tara 08:15 No. Sarah 08:16 Yeah, no. Dave 08:17 The booking officer is none other than Mr. Terry Funk. Tara 08:21 Sure is. Dave 08:22 From the WWF, and his transaction with Bonetti. Bonetti is just trying to get the lay of the land, has a line reading that I'm going to say is worthy of the line readings from Jaws. Here is that clip. Clip 08:37 You know that mutt that didn't come in here? Yeah. I think he just stole your burrito. Dave 08:43 Yeah, welcome to the soundboard. Sarah 08:49 What's the matter? You don't like bonanza? Dave 08:53 And then Tequila Dog enters the precinct, steals a burrito off the desk in this sort of first dog POV. And we go back to Bonetti, still trying to figure out where he's supposed to be. And we get this, the most insulting clip from the whole show. Clip 09:13 You got a Captain Midnight running this Boy Scout unit? Excuse me. You mean Captain Midian Knight? No one calls him Captain Midnight to his face. Why not? Because I don't let him. Dave 09:23 Excuse me, you mean Captain Midian Knight. You know all those Midians running around? So, how popular is the name Midian, you ask? Tara 09:32 Ridiculous. Dave 09:34 Oh, I can tell you, according to thebump. com, in 2018, it was the 11,681th most popular name in America. Tara 09:45 Mhm. Dave 09:46 It's a Hebrew name from the Bible, apparently. Tara 09:48 Wow. Dave 09:48 He's the son of Abraham and whoever Abraham was married to. Sarah 09:52 Sarah Ooh, Charles Rocket Also, there's absolutely no way he could afford the gas to get across the country in that land yacht, which they keep calling a land yacht. Tara 09:53 Our old friend Charles Rocket. Dave 09:56 So Captain Midian Knight enters. He's wearing the most samity suit that you can absolutely imagine. And he and Bonetti finally meet. Clip 10:05 You drove from New York to LA in two days. No, 37 hours, 14 minutes to be exact. I would have made better time, but my mama made patchellis for my Azine in Chicago. Dave 10:14 Hey, I'm an Italian American. I talk a like at this. Tara 10:27 Seriously. Mhm. Dave 10:29 They talk some more in his office. There is a phone call that Captain Midnight picks up. He's having an organized crime conversation with the person on the other line. Goes on for like 30 seconds. And then he drops the bomb. Like, well, I think that's more of an act two sort of thing. It turns out he's been working on a screenplay he's trying to sell in Hollywood because everybody in California works in Hollywood, no matter what they have as their day job. Tara 10:53 All these Hollywood phonies, I just hate them so much. Dave 10:55 Oh, I hate him so much. And then he asks why Bonetti is here in California instead of scarfing Gabakul back in New York City. Clip 11:08 Look uh Captain, let me uh let me answer what you're thinking, okay? Okay I shot and killed a 12-year-old girl. Firearms review board ruled it a righteous shooting. I sat down and had a long talk with my priest. So, I'm not here to get my head together. I'm here to be a cop. Something I can't do in New York until the knee-jerk liberals and the media get a fresh target. Tara 11:37 Boo. Dave 11:38 I hate him so much. How bad is your teleplay whiplash? Tara 11:43 Oh my God, it's crazy. He even like kind of drops the accent a little bit to be for the serious part. Sarah 11:47 Yeah. Tara 11:50 They also say it wa they found out it was a righteous shooting. Like, I mean, what did she do? What what could she have done that made it righteous? But yeah, then we have to uh We have to get a flashback of the moment when he realized he had killed this girl, and he's like, it's all black and white, and he's sobbing, and it's so Maudlin and bad. Dave 12:08 And the like Mike Post stingery music that accompanies it like is just the cherry on top. Tara 12:11 Oh, God. Sarah 12:13 Awful, yeah. Tara 12:14 Horrendous. Dave 12:15 Yeah. Tara 12:15 And yeah, this is the kind of show where it's like a girl getting killed by a cop is about the cop who really, really feels bad about it and it's like ruining his career. So that's that's where we are. Sarah 12:25 Yeah. Oh, and we're we're gonna get into the um capital A by the pound acting about that a little later, I assume, but I mean, Whiplash is exactly right. That it's like, what are we trying to do here? Talking dog? Dave 12:42 Having it all that's what we're doing. Sarah 12:44 Yeah, and doing none correctly. Tara 12:47 I also just want to make sure anyone who doesn't watch this episode knows Captain Midnight has an earring. So just FYI. Dave 12:53 Yeah. Sarah 12:54 Yep, sure. Tara 12:54 It's important. Dave 12:56 So then the captain introduces Benetti to Officer Garcia, played by Sarah D. Bunting. Sarah 13:01 Marhar Superstar Marishka Argate. Dave 13:04 Yes, and also introduced to his third partner, Officer Tequila. Tara 13:10 What Oh, my God. Sarah 13:11 What Oh. Dave 13:14 These guys are your new partners, so I guess the show should have been called Tequila and Garcia and Bonetti, but suck it, Garcia, to supporting cast Hugo. Here is, after all that introduction, and Bonetti is just like, what? Here is the scene stinger. Enjoy. Clip 13:33 Don't you just love this look? It's the one cats get just before you eat them. Dave 13:42 Oh no, tequila. All right, so we're done with that scene. We're now in a cruiser driving to a crime scene, but this is how we started out in the car. Clip 13:57 That's what I love about burritos. You get to enjoy them over and over. Tara 14:04 Okay, I have a question about the tequila voiceover. Are we all agreed that this was an affectation they added later? Because there's so many times where it seems like His VO is going over like dialogue in the scene. It seems like they didn't leave enough space for it. Dave 14:20 Mm. Yeah, there is some yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Tara 14:24 Anyway. Dave 14:24 Good point. Yeah. Sarah 14:26 Yeah, that could be. Dave 14:27 I also like the fact that they can only afford one burp sound clip from the sound library and use it twice, you know? Sarah 14:32 Mm-hmm. Dave 14:33 I went to the studio and I recorded meep. Don't you mean meep, meep? No, those lazy bastards only played for one meep and repeated it. Tara 14:39 Waste not what not. Dave 14:40 Yep. Turns out the crime scene that they're driving to is the lady that we met from the meet-cute on the highway. She has been killed. Rich dish. Bonetti recalls the license plate of the guy that was talking to her on the highway. By the way, even though he was beside them and there's no way he could have actually seen the license plate, never mind. He's sort of savant when it comes to magically knowing. Every license plate that he drives by on his way from New York City to Los Angeles, they go to this nice house wherever in LA, and she has been hung from like the upper railing of the second floor. You just see her legs dangling down. That's it. Officer Garcia comes into the house and, like, purposefully looking down at her notes in a way that nobody does. It's sort of like the equivalent of when you hold your phone trying to look like you're using it, but you're really taking a picture of somebody on the subway. Tara 15:37 Yeah. Dave 15:37 It's that sort of like acting. She walks in like that, and then, as she's writing a note, says, Where's the body? And then Bonetti just puts a finger up, and she looks up and's like, Ah, very frightened about this body, these legs that are two feet in front of her. It was such a dumb scene. I loved it. Sarah 15:54 Don't forget that he said it's hanging around. Tara 15:56 Hanging around. Dave 15:57 It's hanging around. Yep. And also that the coroner, Sam Spade, will be here soon. Tara 16:03 Oh, God. Sarah 16:03 Oh God. Tara 16:04 Yes. Dave 16:04 What? Tara 16:05 Yep. Dave 16:06 So they wrap up the crime scene. They go back to HQ. Captain Midnight is a yuppie. We hate him. Clip 16:13 Visiting Todd of Benetti. How was your first day on South Coast? Uh, fruitful. Sounds like my lunch at Finocchio's. Where? Finocchio's. I had the peach salad with tofu and bean sprouts. Sarah 16:29 Also, that's he said Finocchios, right? Tara 16:32 Yeah. Sarah 16:33 That's yeah, that's really bad. Tara 16:37 Wait, is that the is that the thing that the Pope said about um gaping? Sarah 16:37 That's not good. Tara 16:42 Is that a slur? Sarah 16:43 I mean, yeah. I mean, as used in the Sopranos, that's yeah. Tara 16:45 No. Dave 16:47 Oh ooh, oof, Captain Midnight. Sarah 16:48 It's not Pinocchios, they're just trying to Whip past it so you don't realize that they basically used an F slur in prime time. Tara 16:52 Oh Oh, my God. Oh, Donald. Sarah 16:57 When did this air? What time did this air anyway? Dave 17:00 I have no idea. Actually, I didn't look at where it was. It feels like it might be syndication, but maybe it was a network show. Tara 17:05 It certainly has the whiff of syndication, I would say. Sarah 17:07 Yes, it does. Tara 17:09 Oh, CBS. Dave 17:10 Oh, wow. Gosh. That's a little hard to believe. Sarah 17:13 Ouch Mm-hmm. Dave 17:15 So Captain Midnight says that if he put the fact that Bonetti saw the victim and murderer on the highway earlier that day in the screenplay, The studio would never buy it. Yes, correct. You can't hang a lantern on it like that, and that is your excuse for putting it into your teleplay. Sarah 17:29 No Aerobic Studio Yeah Elizabeth, Penelope, and Perkins. Dave 17:32 That's not the way it works. Yikes. And then we hear the pooping clip heard up top about getting a pooper scooper. New scene: Bonetti is visiting his ex, who now lives in LA at her catering. Outfit neon making apartment. I don't know exactly what was going on there, what it was. Tara 17:55 That's what I assumed. Yes. Dave 17:57 It had a car in it? Like, what was going on here? It was like the restaurant from Pulp Fiction. You know, you go sitting in a caddy booth. Tara 18:04 Uh-huh. Dave 18:07 It sort of had that vibe to it. But everything was like out of focus. I couldn't read the sign on the door. I couldn't quite make out everything in the place. It was just very sort of. 50s coded, but in a way that it could have been, it could have been an early cupcake store, you know, like it could have been anything. Tara 18:22 Right. Well, when Tequila walks through, he talks about toe sweat, so I think it's some kind of Exercise studio, or that people are dancing in there. But I also want to note this episode officially has both of the fake Elaines that we meet from the Seinfeld episode where they're making a pilot because This lady is the one who gets the job, and the other one, Marishka Hargate, is the one that Jerry likes, but George Nix is because she's like, it's like a bald convention out there. And he doesn't like her. Dave 18:49 You're watching the actress who plays his ex and you're thinking that is one of ten actresses in your head. She looks like a lot of different actresses, but it's not any of the actresses you're thinking of. Tara 19:02 Yep. Dave 19:02 She's basically been in nothing as. Tara 19:07 Mm-hmm. Sarah 19:07 Yeah. Mm-hmm. Dave 19:09 So they hook up and have saxophone sex. Clip 19:26 Whoo, my boy, getting busy. Tara 19:28 Tequila, you know Oh, God for so long. Dave 19:30 Give him some room, tequila. Sarah 19:31 Yeah, no. Dave 19:33 Jesus Christ, fucking dog. That was the act break. We're back from commercial bonetti. Is playing the piano. Sarah 19:43 Tickling the ivories. Oh, my God, Gorge Winston. Dave 19:50 Was this his audition? Tara 19:51 It yeah, it must have been. I feel like he has to he he took this job on condition of like you have to let me play piano. And you have to show that I really know how to speak Italian because, by the way, and I don know if you're getting to this, sorry if you were, but they revived this show in 2000 for Italian television with a different dog. Dave 20:10 Oh, I did not know that. Tara 20:12 a lady dog and it was all in Italian 'cause he really does speak Italian. Dave 20:13 Hmm. Oh, it's him. He's in that one too. Tara 20:18 Yeah. Dave 20:19 Fantastic. Tara 20:19 Yes. Yes. Dave 20:20 Excellent. Tara 20:20 Mm-hmm. Dave 20:20 No, I did not know that. Tara 20:20 Yeah. Dave 20:21 I didn't go the research rabbit hole that I usually do because I had 18 clips and I had to get through this. Tara 20:27 Yeah. Sarah 20:27 He was also a Supreme Court Justice, briefly. Just kidding. Oh, God. Dave 20:33 As that is happening, as he is playing his piano soulfully. The ex and the dog are watching him so thoughtfully. This is really a capital M moment for everybody involved. Tara 20:43 Oh, God, it's so corny. Dave 20:45 The only thing we're missing is a single tear from the ex-wife as he plays, really. So, Tara's right. It goes on forever, and it is punctuated by another black and white flashback, and then he starts crying. Tara 20:56 It's hilarious. Sarah 20:56 Oh my god, crying doesn't begin. He's like the kind of sobbing where you're like, that dude's gonna barf. Like, I mean. Dave 21:07 And the caper to all this is we fade to black on a long, dark shot of tequila looking on extremely ruefully. Like, it is really heartfelt. This dog has been moved. So it's the morning now, same house, morning in the bed is tequila. He is dreaming. Clip 21:26 White poodles, black poodles, pink poodles, and you're all mine, mine, mine. You woke me! In the middle of a pack of hot poodles, you woke me! What the hell are you doing on my bed? Dave 21:39 Thoughts, concerns, comments? Tara 21:42 Oh God. I mean, the poodle as sexy dog is like not okay, but that is a runner through the episode. Sarah 21:44 I mean No. Also, there are boy poodles. Like, I know it's very, like, girl coated. Dog in scripted content, but Jesus. Also, your canine officers do not go home with you. That, like, I realize that this is just a conceit of television, but ugh, annoying. Tara 22:07 Also, we've got to this point of the episode. We're like halfway through the dog has not done anything yet to indicate that it's very special and solves crimes. Sarah 22:16 Yeah, doesn't even have a collar on most of the time. Tara 22:19 Yeah. Sarah 22:19 That's not how that's gonna work. Sorry. Dave 22:22 So it is the morning. Terry the X is gone. She apparently has left to sing backup for Zizitop's European tour. Tara 22:30 I think she's dancing, but yes. Dave 22:32 Okay. This info comes from Sherry, who is in the studio, just there, and she's cooking like tubes for neon over a Bunsen burner. Tara 22:41 Sh yeah, I'm unclear. Dave 22:42 I don't know what's going on. What is this place? Tara 22:45 Doing some kind of art. Dave 22:45 It's a savory liminal space. Tara 22:46 I don't know. Dave 22:49 Bonetti is mad, but Tequila has a different perspective on this. Clip 22:54 What are you beefing about? She took you to paradise, left brews in the fridge, and steaks in the freezer. Homie, it don't get no better than that. Dave 23:02 Yeah, homie, it don't get no better than that. Sarah 23:04 Oh my god, I'm exhausted. Dave 23:07 So he leaves. He and Garcia and Tequila are at Tootsie's restaurant somewhere in Malibu. After learning the highway guy is a cereal bump and meat sleaze ball, but he has an alibi, the trio go to this restaurant. Where Garcia has ordered a healthy ingredients only pizza that looks like it lasts on the oven about three days ago. Tara 23:30 You skip the part where they're in the cop shop and tequila steals a butterfinger from someone. And runs off to eat it. He so I guess they cut the scene where Tequila has terrible diarrhea from eating chocolate because he's a dog. Sarah 23:40 Yeah, it was like where they're at the emergency vet. Yeah, what the hell. Tara 23:43 Yes. Dave 23:43 Yeah. Garcia, over this abomination of a California pizza, shares that her husband was killed by a kid. Because he didn't shoot. And that gives everyone a lot to think about. Except for Tequila, who's going to town on a slice of pizza. Tara 24:01 Oh my God, they keep cutting to him chewing this pizza too. Dave 24:04 Yeah. Tara 24:05 So gross. Dave 24:06 And then we get this a clip for Sarah. Clip 24:08 Why are you always so angry? I'm not angry. I'm from Brooklyn. Tara 24:12 I got passion for life, he says after that. Sarah 24:13 Yeah, that yeah, add that to the soundboard. Dave 24:17 Yeah. And then Tequila the dog figures out that there's some poodle-centric Clue at the crime scene and takes off out of the restaurant and into the street where he nearly gets run over 10 times. He gets a scent at the crime scene and scurries off. And it is pitch dark by the time he reaches some other neighborhood where he talks to another dog. So my back of the napkin mask says That the caddy has been following very slowly behind the dog for about six hours. Tara 24:51 Correct, yep. Mm-hmm. Dave 24:53 He, that is Tequila, talks to this other dog for info, and I have some Tequila and Bonetti universe questions. Clip 25:03 Yo, home slice. Uh, I'm looking for a poodle that just came in the heat. They're very funny. Look, she passed this way sometime last night or early this morning. Did you sniff her or not? Toward the docks, thanks. I owe you one, bro. Dave 25:25 All right. Why why does Tequila talk to us, but the other dog just talks dog? Tara 25:31 Yeah, I wondered that as well. Dave 25:33 Why can't we understand all dogs in these universes or all animals in this universe? I don't understand why Tequila is the anointed one. Tara 25:41 Yeah, I don't know. I wondered that as well. Sarah 25:43 Hmm. Tara 25:43 Thank you for bringing it up. Sarah 25:45 Yeah. Tara 25:45 Be consistent with your logic. Sarah 25:46 It Yeah, either they couldn't afford another dog VO, which, based on who is in this, doesn't already doesn't seem like it's necessarily true, or they just wanted to do the very funny bit after the Poodle and Heat line, which wasn't funny at all. Dave 25:47 Yes, universe rules are important to me. Sarah 26:07 So just have the other dog talk. Dave 26:09 Yep. So with that intel, they finally make their way to some industrial port on the water, as ports usually are, Dave. Some guy comes out holding a poodle and says some shady dog purchasing things. And then he realizes that Bonetti and Garcia are actually cops and he bolts. Bonetti then pulls his gun, does some laughable handshaking acting, and can Not shoot because he's haunted, haunted, haunted. Tara 26:37 God, so bad. Dave 26:45 Instead, he shoots the lock for the fence that stands between him and the perp. Clip 27:03 That's a good luck. Dave 27:06 Okay, that's the only really good moment of this episode, like taking out of context of how deliciously bad the whole thing is. That's a good joke on a Hollywood trope that you can shoot the lock once in the middle of it, and somehow it just magically disengages. Tara 27:22 Yeah, not bad. Sarah 27:22 Yeah. Dave 27:23 Yeah, I thought that was pretty good. So, with the fence now open, there's a chase scene with tense music. Actually, scratch that. There is a chase scene. with tense music featuring a slow, middle aged, overweight guy clutching a toy poodle. He throws the poodle into the water and then Tequila jumps in to save her. How exactly does that happen? Clip 27:45 Look, there they are. Oh, look, he's pushing her to the landing. Well, see, I don't think he's pushing her. Of course, he's pushing her. Look, she's doggy paddling and he's. I don't know, dogs. Sarah 28:03 Oh my god, of the saxophone. No, Yeah, she's also pre in her whatever bike shorts. Dave 28:07 They don't show it because they don't have to, because you know what the saxophone means. Tara 28:09 No, of course. Dave 28:14 Anyways, there's a shootout. There's more flashbacks, but eventually Bonetti pulls through with a feel-good, clean, fatal shooting. He's back, baby! Tara 28:24 Thank God It's just the sign of the cross. Dave 28:26 Oh, by the way, after he does this, he does stations of the cross over the victim. So, you know, he's got heart. Tara 28:32 Yes. He, yes, thank God Bonetti is back to full capacity and he can blow a guy away for running past some cars, which is all we know he's done so far. Dave 28:32 Yes. Tara 28:43 Never mind, he's dead. Sarah 28:47 She's pretty casual, given that he shot a guy dead. Tara 28:50 Uh-huh. Sarah 28:51 On the other hand, LAPD, maybe they just don't register that shit. Tara 28:56 Mm-hmm. Dave 28:56 Yep. So case closed, we're back at the studio neon catering yoga studio, and tequila is getting a bath as the episode ends. Clip 29:07 He didn't track down the murderer. He was tracking her. The kill was more interested in a little boom of the boom. You are right, Bernetti. I do my job as a cop, and you question my motives. Huh, I am killer, come back here. I gotta dry you off, look, I can't water. The killer, come over here. Dave 29:34 All right, obviously, you can't see it, but Rest assured, we end on a freeze frame when he's yelling, tequila! Tara 29:39 Of course. Uh-huh. Dave 29:42 Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam! Tara 29:44 You know, people don't Take big stupid swings like this anymore, and we're worse off as a culture for it. Like, all of the idiocy is just being concentrated in. game shows and reality shows, honestly. And people need to I just w I would love a return to completely moronic shows like this. Dave 30:03 Honestly, let's get Donald on the phone. Let's pitch a reprise of Tequila and Bonetti. Tara 30:06 Mm-hmm. Dave 30:11 Like Tequila's, unfortunately, he's gone, but Bonetti lives on, and he is like the captain now of the Malibu, and there's like Bonetti Next Generation in the mix. Tara 30:15 Yep. Dave 30:21 And he has a new dog partner, and we just do all this for 2027 is when this show is going to debut. Tara 30:27 Yeah, he's 89. Like, imagine what kind of ridiculous ideas he has had lately. Dave 30:33 Yeah. Tara 30:34 He's, you know. Dave 30:35 It would be great if he was actually losing it as well, and then he gets to make a show. Tara 30:39 Yes. Dave 30:39 You know, if he had like Trump-style dementia and then we give him money to make the sequel to Tequila and Bonetti, like I'm fucking there. Tara 30:47 Yeah, 100%. Dave 30:47 Yeah. Sarah 30:48 I mean, there's like Parker Lewis energy visually, but overall, I just kept coming back to Cop Rock. Tara 30:51 Yeah, yep. Yeah. Sarah 30:57 That it was like, this is a hybrid that it's like that Jeff Fahey horror movie where he gets a convicted murderer's hand grafted onto his arm, and then the hand is like nah, and is trying to kill him for 90 minutes. Tara 31:06 Mhm, yes. Dave 31:07 What? Tara 31:08 Mm-hmm. Yeah. Dave 31:10 Wait, what? The Simpsons did that with a toupee. Tara 31:15 Well, I think that was probably a spoof of this thing that Sarah's talking about. Dave 31:18 Was it? Oh, wait, Jeff Fahey would have done that before that Simpsons episode? Tara 31:23 I'm looking it up. Sarah 31:24 Could have body parts. Tara 31:25 Body parts. Body parts from 1991, so definitely. Dave 31:32 Wow. Tara 31:33 Also stars Kim Delaney, Brad Duriff. Dave 31:35 All right, a Today alert. Tara 31:35 Oh my. Sarah 31:35 Mhm. Yeah, no need to watch that either, but That cop rock, that just sort of like ebulliant belief that these two tastes actually do taste great together. And not understanding that it's just completely off tone. And then the moments when it is extremely Self-serious are just so hilarious. And then the parts that are supposed to be funny aren't. And there's really that like early nineties. I don't even know what you'd call it, but this is the only time it could have come from. Like Cop Rock, Hull High, Parker Lewis. Dave 32:18 Yeah. Sarah 32:19 Puchinski was earlier than that, right? Tara 32:20 I think it was around this time, but yeah. Dave 32:20 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sarah 32:20 That was like. Yeah. Dave 32:22 Little bit, yeah. Tara 32:23 No, I think it was 91. Sarah 32:24 That they're yeah. Tara 32:25 I can look that up too. Sarah 32:25 Okay. So, yeah, just this weird, like, immediately pre-internet derangement. Pitch syndrome. I just don't understand exactly why these things were all occurring at one time. But I don't think it's a coincidence that many of them would have come from. I mean, you know, cop rock was botchko. Tara 32:45 Yeah. Sarah 32:45 I'm sure they were like, Well, it's a license to print money. Like, well, no. Dave 32:50 Well, I thoroughly enjoyed it. I again, I don't need to watch any more, but it was such a High concept, high delivery system that utterly fails as quality television, but utterly succeeds in what I want from a syndicated, coded. Tara 33:09 Mhm. Dave 33:09 TV show from this period that I was very pleased. Tara 33:11 Yes. Dave 33:14 This is what I want out of the four centimeters, guys. If you're talking to me, more of this, please, Rachel. Thank you very much. Tara 33:22 100%. That's what I was going to say. Also, to correct myself, Puchinski is from 1990. But yes, this is what the foresening is for. Send us these. Like, go to the weirdest corners of the non-properly streaming internet and find This shit, make us watch it, because you know, there's a lot more to say about something like this than there is about LA's finest. Dave 33:44 Yeah. And without it, how would we ever watch the credits of this episode where we get a reprisal of the piano? Tara 33:52 Oh, my God. Oof. Dave 33:56 Performance to end us off. Tara 33:58 Mm-hmm. Dave 33:59 So absolutely fun time. Thank you very much, Rachel. Hey everybody, it's time for everybody's segment with everybody's favorite theme. It is time for Ask EHG. Woof. All right. No judgments on previous Ask, Ask EHGs this week. So let's just get right into your questions. First one from Zuli. Rhymes with Julie. What is a show that you watched as a kid that was for children but would never be made or marketed as such today? Tara 34:54 I mean, I'm sure Sully is looking for answers like HR Puff and stuff or the like, but I, you know, I never had cable when I was a kid. Dave 35:00 Yep. Tara 35:04 I only watched stuff that was all definitely for kids and would still be for kids today. Like. Sesame Street, Friendly Giant, Mr. Dress Up, etc. Dave 35:11 Yep. Tara 35:12 So I was already probably pretty old by the time it premiered, but Peavy's Playhouse is my answer for this, even though I was like, I think I was in late elementary school, early high school when it was on. Dave 35:17 Oh, yeah, sure. Tara 35:22 Sarah. Sarah 35:24 So much of seventies children's television is this and you know My favorite T V as a real young'un was Saturday Morning Cartoons, but those my favorites of those were largely in Grandpa Buncee fashion from a generation before mine. So like Tex Avery stuff like The Farm of Tomorrow. Clearly, you want to hear about Croft Superstars content, which I think probably really was explicitly for Stoner Weirdos of any age, but I was like turned off by that stuff. It was just like weird and unfun when I was little. So yeah. I mean, that, I guess, Dave. Dave 36:03 Mine is adjacent to that. It's sort of like the closest Canadian equivalent, which is the hilarious house of Freitenstein. Which we've talked about on this show. It's the Billy Van sort of sketchy show that's all about horror tropes, but you know, it's got that Sesame Street feel as well, where there's like cartoons and this and that. And it's not as stonery as the cross stuff, but it's definitely got a whiff of it. And I absolutely loved that show as a kid, but it is weird. Like it is very strange, especially for its time. So I think that one probably would be directed towards sort of a late teenage, early 20s sort of crowd now. Mopsukis, which celebrity would you wager gives the best back rubs? Love this question. Sarah. Sarah 36:52 Yeah, this I really had to mull this over, but I decided to pick a dancer. Because they're going to know the pressure points and how to open up the spine. So Channing Tatum, those big meat hooks, I think would do a good job. Dave. Dave 37:07 I'm basing this entirely on his appearances on King of Queens. Maybe he has some skeletons in his closet, I don't know about. But I'm going go with Lou Ferigno because he seems nice and he's strong. Tara 37:19 I was thinking along your lines. I went with Alan Richson, who plays Reacher on TV. Dave 37:24 Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Sarah 37:26 Oh, yeah. Dave 37:27 If you don't die, that would be a good back rub. Tara 37:30 You would die, but it would be a good back rub. Sarah 37:32 Broken scapula, guaranteed. Tara 37:32 Yeah, like, yeah. Dave 37:33 Yeah. Tara 37:34 I, you know, he's described, the character is described in the books as having hands like dinner plates. Dave 37:34 Crunch. Tara 37:38 And, you know, Alan Richen, I have Richson, I have heard is like big, but he's not actually that tall. But his hands are still big. Like he, I, whenever I get a massage, I feel like they never press hard enough. And I feel like he would get in there. So, yeah. Dave 37:51 His hand would go through the other side. Tara 37:53 His hand would go through me, and it would feel amazing. What a way to go! Dave 37:56 Yep. Jovial Gent, What Awful Show had a really good theme song? Both of my picks, I got two of them for you, come from the late-night comedy block on the Independent Buffalo Station near me growing up. WU TV, Channel twenty nine. This would have happened in the late seventies and early eighties. They had and this is such a weird time in history for television. This is before all the independent channels generally changed to Fox, when that network bubbled up. But lots of independent stations at this time. They had a two-hour block of British imports. Starting at 9 to 11, I think. I think that was the block. Every weekday. So the first one I'm talking about is a show from the Irish comedian Dave Allen. It was called Dave Allen. At large, and it was raunchy and not super funny. Sarah 38:45 Oh, yeah. Dave 38:48 It was like a pale imitation of stuff that Monty Python was doing, and he did it not so great. But here is the theme. The only other thing I know about Dave Allen, and maybe the reason I watched because it was a little bit of Johnny Deformed for me, was that he was missing half a finger. And a lot of the segments was him sitting on a chair telling jokes in between sketches. And he would usually hide it. But you would watch a whole episode for that half a second glimpse because he was always smoking and stuff on and drinking. Tara 39:48 Sure. Dave 39:48 And so you'd be like watching it. Sarah 39:50 Sure. Dave 39:50 Like I would have been. Seven, eight, nine, ten. I don't understand these jokes. This show is full of sexual innuendos and stuff like that over my head at the time, and probably now. Tara 39:54 Mhm. Mm-hmm. Dave 40:01 And You were just waiting to see that half finger. Like, oh, half finger, what happened there? These are the things I watched as a kid. This is before cable, people. All right. So, given that this is a British two-hour block, I think we can probably guess what the second one's going to be. It's an all-timer, equally sexist. Of a show, but this one also had women in underwear being chased around soggy park rounds. Tara 40:27 Of course, Benny Hill. Dave 40:28 And of course, it is Benny Hill. Tara 40:29 Yep. Mhm. Dave 40:49 If you're new to extra, extra hot Great if you're a new club member. We will try to dig it up for the show notes if somebody can do it, but we did an extra credit at some point where we had to reframe a television scene with that music playing in the In the background, and it was super fun. I won't spoil anything we chose, but maybe one of us can dig that up for the show notes. Tara 41:08 Mm-hmm. Sarah 41:13 Longtime listeners may remember, and my fellow panelists may remember, that my brother and sister-in-law entered their wedding reception to the Benny Hill theme. Dave 41:23 That's great. Tara 41:23 Yep. Mm-hmm. Dave 41:24 That's funny. Sarah 41:24 Yeah, good times. Tara 41:26 The marvel of that music is that even if you had no other context for what it was from, if you heard it, you would assume what is going on over it. Girls in underwear running around, even if you were just dropped on earth today. Sarah 41:37 Yes, absolutely. Dave 41:40 And again, seven, eight, nine, no appreciation for women running around in underwear, didn't care. Sarah 41:41 Mhm. Dave 41:46 But the fact that, like, The film was sped up and they're just like looking goofy running around. Tara 41:51 Mm-hmm. Dave 41:51 Like it still works for a kid. Tara 41:53 Yeah. Dave 41:53 It's insidious. Tara 41:54 Mm-hmm. Dave 41:54 It's really insidious. Tara 41:55 Yep. Dave 41:56 All right, Tara, what do you got? Tara 41:58 I'm going with the OC. The theme song was California by Phantom Planet. Still a good song. Terrible show. Sarah. Sarah 42:06 With honorable mentions to the now nearly unwatchable monkeys. I gotta go chips here. Dave 42:12 Oh, good one. Sarah 42:12 The show was lethally stupid from the get, but that song remains a banger, and I'm not just saying that because I used it to win a game time one time. Dave 42:16 Yep. Excellent. Yeah, good pick. Leslie has our next question. Would you rather live in the house next door to The Simpsons? or next door to the vampires of what we do in the shadows. That is your Would You Rather tar. Tara 42:36 The Simpsons My property value is going down either way, but next to The Simpsons, I'm probably not going to be murdered, Dave. Dave 42:45 Yeah, absolutely. I'm going to live next to the ones who cannot hypnotize me, kill me, or turn me into an undead abomination. Sarah. Sarah 42:53 Yeah, Simpsons, even if you do survive, you're in Staten Island. Can't really call that living. Sorry. Dave 43:01 Sean has our next question Britt Lauer has evil eyebrows, so I was unsurprised by her outie in severance. Oh, Jesus Christ, how do you say this name? Tara 43:13 No idea. Dave 43:13 I win Roan, let's go with, was supposed to be a kind duff on vicious queens. Tara 43:13 You're the Welshman. Yep. Dave 43:20 It totally didn't work. Who has a resting evil face no matter what they do? All right, so the question is: who has a resting evil face? Sarah. Sarah 43:28 Okay, Sam Anderson, who played Lee Paxton Unjustified, Bernard Unlost. Maybe not evil. Don't really remember. Dr. Kaysen on ER, Holland Manners on Angel. He is just kind of your go-to, blandly evil. Freshly Burma-shaved white congressman dude. I think he's very talented. He certainly has worked a ton, but I see that guy in a procedural and I'm like, we can turn this off because that motherfucker did it. Tara. Dave 43:58 Mm-hmm. Tara 43:59 Kurtwood Smith, they definitely put this to advantage on that seventies show, but you know You can never unsee him from RoboCop once you've seen him there. Dave 44:00 Oh, God, yeah. Sarah 44:01 Yeah. Tara 44:09 And, like, obviously, that's the gag on the sitcom, which is like he's the ultimate intimidating sitcom dad, but like, he's too intimidating, Dave. Dave 44:19 I got a few. Not all these are television. Lee Van Cleef from Spaghetti Westerns. Sarah 44:26 Uh-huh. Dave 44:26 Michael Rooker, recently seen in the last season of Righteous Gemstones. Sarah 44:28 Oh, yeah, Henry Lee Lucas, sure. Dave 44:32 Malcolm McDowell I just realized he doesn't really play a lot of evil characters. Sarah 44:34 Mm-hmm. Dave 44:38 He plays mostly sort of hard eggs. Michael Ironside or Einsides. Sarah 44:43 Sure, yeah. Dave 44:45 Forget if he's plural or not. Sarah 44:46 Also, an ER. Dave 44:46 Is he one person or two? And my actual choice for beautiful evil is boon from lost. With those eyes, I think he has an evil face. Tara 44:56 Oh, yeah. Mm-hmm. Dave 44:57 Ian Summer Halder. Tara 44:58 Summer halder. Sarah 44:59 Summer hauler. Dave 45:00 Yes, thank you. Yeah, those are my picks. Sarah 45:02 Hardly even nowhere. Tara 45:02 Yep, we saw him on the street one time on La Brea eating at an outdoor cafe. Dave 45:06 Evilly eating at an outdoor cavern, I will devour this evil scone. Tara 45:07 Evil Eating an evil salad. Sarah 45:09 Mm-hmm. But beautifully. Dave 45:14 With my beautiful eyes. Elsbeth, if your pet could write you a Yelp style review of you, what would they write? So, I'm going to take Nolton. Tara's going to take our other dog, Sandy. So, here's Nolten. You know, Daves is a pretty nice guy. That's good news for me. He gets up at six thirty when I wakes up and he gives me the eats and he gives me the cheese that absolutely has no pills in it, and then the kibble and then with the kibble goo on top, and then we go outside and do the pee. We go for walks in, I do the snoofs and he picks up my poops. Sometimes when the thunder comes and gives me a frights, he goes and does the hugs and the scritches, and I feel betters. Only problem is sometimes he spends time with stupid Sandy's, too. I give Daves four out of five stars because sometime he's not here. Tara 46:03 Sandy's review of me would be, I know what I want, and I want what I want when I want it. Tara's pretty attentive, though she's a little stingy with treats compared to others in the household who have access to them, Dave. Her lap is very soft and she can sit still for hours at a time. Seven out of ten. Sarah. Sarah 46:22 I'm only doing Bear. Hellos, it's me, Bear E. Williams. Mom's is the best for to take naps with and give me peace of breads. Mom's also pick me ups when it does a thunder and I am scarce. Thank you, moms, for putting cushion in the window seats, so I can take a load offs between yelling at skateboarders and mailmans and ladies. I love yous. However's zero stars. Too many cats is in house. Cat Pooh is perfectly good snacks. Zero stars for scold at me. Dave 46:55 All right, Kara has our next question. Justin McElroy, and then in brackets, not that one, and then me doing the shrug emoji. Selects two friends every year to pick out new clothes for him. Which two people, one from T V and one from your real life, would you want on your fashion team? Tara, assemble your team. Tara 47:12 Okay. Well, this is a recent addition, but because we've been watching Platonic, as I watched it when it was first released, Dave is new to it. I'm going to say Sylvia Greaves from Platonic. She's got a good eye for high-low, very good taste. She's played by Rose Byrne. Of course, I would not look as good in the clothes as she does, but I. Like or taste, and duh, my real person, my real life person is Sarah Debunting, who already serves this function for me. Long distance. A lot of links go back and forth. Should I get this one or this one? Always advises me is never wrong. Sarah. Dave 47:44 Three out of ten is your Gilbert heart. Too far away. Sarah 47:49 Bear's favorite ant. Yes, I'm going Joan Holloway for Mad Men because she is going to have great tips for dressing a deep front porch and obviously the cleverest accessories. Just as obviously, my real life person is Tara, already on my fashion team. Really, she is the whole fashion team because asking my Legal spouse, if something is too tight across the bust, could not be a bigger waste of everybody's time. Dave. Dave 48:17 My character is Elliot from Mr. Robot, so I don't have to change my style. And style is in giant air quotes. And my person is also Tara because she likes playing Dave dress up. Tara 48:28 Mm-hmm. Dave 48:29 And why not give her that? Bees or Laura? I watched Taskmaster right after watching The Muppets with my kids and immediately wished that Jason Manzukas would be in the next Muppets project. Which other current day star would be perfect for The Muppets? Sir. Sarah 48:45 I went with David Hyde Pierce. His tone as a performer might seem a little more Muted and fine-grained than the Muppets, but he really is a gifted comedian physically, and I think it might make a nice compliment, sort of visually or stylistically, to go that way. Dave? Dave 49:04 I'm going to go with two from the recent season of White Lotus, Walton Goggins, and Amy Lou Wood. Tara 49:10 Mm-hmm. Dave 49:11 She is a hyper version of Janice, and he is the new Crazy Harry, the one with the TNT plunger. Sarah 49:18 Oh, yeah, love it. Tara 49:20 Google tells me Gene Smart has never appeared with Muppets, and I feel like Gene Smart plus Miss Piggy equals dollar signs. Dave 49:27 I think Gene Smart should show up with the Dr. Sarah 49:28 Yep, agree. Dave 49:30 Manhattan dildo from the I don't know why. Tara 49:33 Sure. Sarah 49:35 Well Yeah. Dave 49:37 And with an E, Richard Kind is your sidekick for the day. What's on the agenda? Honestly, real answer. I know he lives on the Upper West Side because we used to be at the same gym at the same time, often when I lived there. I just want to follow him around. I actually want to reverse it. I want to be the sidekick. I want to know where on the upper west side that guy gets his bagels. What movie are we seeing in the afternoon at that weird little cinema where you have to go downstairs and it's like a dungeon? Tara 50:04 I think it's closed. Dave 50:04 What? Oh, really? What part of the park do we chill at? Are we going to Central Park? Are we going to Riverside Park? He seems like he might be a Riverside kind of guy. So, I'm just going to follow him around, and I think it would be delightful. I also think he's got a bit of that Don Corleone walking through the neighborhood thing where everybody knows him and he's friendly and knows everybody's name as well. So, I think that would be great. Tara 50:28 Yeah, I think he He's going to walk you to all of the film productions and steal from Crafty because they assume he's working like on Girls 5 Eva. Dave 50:33 Yes, put him in his pockets. Yeah, absolutely. Tara 50:38 I also have us on the Upper West Side. We're going to have brunch on a patio where I will count on him getting recognized by a server with excellent taste. We'll get the meal comped. Then we're going to walk around the Met where he gets the audio tour and repeats interesting tidbits very loud. He is very loud. We're going to have dinner at Papaya King 'cause he's a man of the people. And then we'll finish with a Broadway show. Which show? One that is so noisy no one can hear his loud whisper or one where we don't sit together 'cause he's loud. Dave 51:05 For those that don't live in New York City, what do you get at papaya king? Tara 51:09 Hot dogs. Dave 51:10 Yeah, not papaya. Tara 51:10 Yeah. No, well, they have pify juice as well, but yes, that's you go for hot dogs, yeah. Dave 51:13 I know, but sure. No. Tara 51:16 Yeah, Sarah. Sarah 51:16 We are going to spend the morning researching a limited edition podcast on the murder of Kynes' great-grandfather, Hyman Burson, by his crayon factory business partner. True story. Then after we get punchy and crack each other up with the worst possible theme song choices for this podcast on Pond5, we have a little lunch and a nap. If it's nice, we'll go to the NYC ferry and make up stories about the other passengers. If it is not, we will go to a film. And then we're going to order in a shit ton of appetizers and sit around on the Floor of his giant Upper West Side apartment playing cards and gnashing in front of Law and Order reruns. Dave 51:54 Last question for us this week comes from Redacted, aka Diato. He changed his name to Redacted. That's a good piece of business. As we go deeper into the need for recognizable IP, which show or movie within a show should be turned into a real life show? All right, so a fictional show within a show turned into a real show. Something the audience doesn't see is the second wrinkle here. So it's a show mentioned in universe, but never really seen. I will allow slight tweaks for like a glimpse of, but never really explored beyond that. All right, so those are the parameters. Tara, what's your answer here? Tara 52:31 I just want to mention one that I recently learned about, which is that we're recording this on June 5th well in advance, but I was Just at the ATX TV Festival, and went to the King of the Hill panel. And they talked about how they at one point tried to make a Monsignor Martinez live-action show, which is like in the universe, this is like an action show with a crusading priest. And it sounds like it was going to be an eagle heart kind of a thing. Both Mike Judge and Greg Daniel said it was the funniest thing they had ever seen, but it just like did not work, which is a tragedy. Anyway, my actual answer is eight gay men with AIDS from the other two. Dave. Dave 53:06 Well, the one that I thought of first, but I'm not really interested in watching is Invitation to Love from Twin Peaks. Tara 53:12 From Twin Peaks, yeah. Mm-hmm. Dave 53:13 But the one I'm going with is something we see like a two-second glimpse of the intro of on Gravity Falls. So, this is a show within the Gravity Falls universe. Grunkle Stan is watching TV and is in the mood for something violent. He's skimming through fight things. Clip 53:40 Fight, fight, fight! Fight, fight, fight! Fight! TV! It knows what I want! Dave 53:47 Baby Fights from Gravity Falls Sir Seakent has your ask ask e H G question, dear listeners. Tara 53:50 Baby bites. Sarah 53:52 I bet that Mademoiselle Caroline is yelling ghost facers right now because that was a ghost hunter show within Supernatural. I think we may have seen more of it than a glimpse, but I would in fact watch it, so I'm not proud of that. But that is still going to be my answer, because why not? Dave 54:16 He asks, what are weird, incorrect beliefs you held due to television commercials of your youth? For example, C. Kent says, Thanks to the tampon commercials of my youth, I spent too long thinking women only wore white pants when they were getting their period. That's not true, is what I'm learning here. All right. Got an answer for that? Go to our Discord. Go to the Ask, Ask, EHG channel, put your answer there. We'll be back soon with judgment on that one. Winner gets that cake sticker. It is time for the tiny cannon presenting this week, Wendy. Clip 54:51 When people ask about random lines, one quotes from T V shows, I realize that I may quote the Golden Girls more than anything else. Dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, I will randomly say. Oddly, the other line I quote most often is also the repetition of a single word Lesbian Lesbian Lesbian For the Dawning Realization Tiny Canon, I proffer Blanche realizing what Sophia and Dorothy mean when they say Dorothy's friend Jean is a lesbian in Isn't It Romantic Season two, Episode V of The Golden Girls. For years my daughter was horrified when I would just start quoting this line, but once she finally saw the episode she agreed that it was pretty good for its time. I just love Rue McClanahan's delivery, making each lesbian sound different until finally that moment when we all see that she gets it. Dorothy and Sophia are bunking together, so Jean can have her own room. They're laughing over the idea of Jean being in love with, of all people, Rose Blanche hears them laughing and comes in. It's a short bit, but let's listen to it. What is going on? Nothing. Oh, come on now. I heard you laughing. What's so funny? The starters she is a lesbian. What's funny about that? You aren surprised? Of course not. I mean, I've never known any personally, but. Isn't Annie Thomas won? Not Lebanese Blanche. Lesbian, lesbian, lesbian, lesbian. Blanche tries so hard. to be as sophisticated as her Brooklyn roommates and not like the naive Minnesotan Rose. But deep down she is more innocent than she wants to be. This scene is pitch perfect as her naivete slowly gives way to understanding, and when she gets it, she gets it, even if she truly doesn't understand why a woman might be attracted to another woman, because she is still Blanche. Honestly, I'd pitch this whole episode for the canon, but there are so very many canon worthy Golden Girls episodes. And this one is of its time, though I think it mostly holds up. This is my favorite moment of an episode I adore. From Danny Thomas being one to that final lesbian. It is flawless. Please vote Blanche's dawning realization of the truth about Jean into the dawning realization Tiny Canon. Thank you. Dave 57:32 Thank you, Wendy. Sarah DeBundy, I give you the choice. Do you want the person most deep in the Golden Girls to go first or least deep in the Golden Girls to go first? All right, so that would be me. I enjoyed watching the scene, but I have a problem with the categorization of this tiny cannon. First of all, just as a bit of inside baseball, I decided to rename this the Epiphany Canon just because it's shorter and for the sake of future presentations. But I would say this is better suited to the tiny line canon reading than it is to the epiphany tiny canon. Mostly because that is what it excels at. The epiphany, I didn't feel like it was that much of a button, but also because I find it utterly impossible that a sex hound like Blanche doesn't know the word lesbian. Tara 58:26 Yeah. Dave 58:27 Don't know what it means. Tara 58:28 Mm-hmm. Dave 58:28 It is a false construct for the sake of the joke here, which fine, it's a sitcom, yo, it's of its time and all that sort of stuff. But I don't believe it in the universe. As a line reading, I thought it was really funny, and it had just the perfect amount of mustard on the third Lesbian that made me laugh. Out of context, not with that character, the Lebanese joke is pretty funny as well. But again, I don't believe that she would make that mistake initially. So a stronger case for line reading than it is for Epiphany is where I come down. Tara 59:09 I'll go next. I agree. I picked this out of the hopper because As I just mentioned, I was at the ATX TV Festival last weekend, and one of the events that they had to close things out was a staged reading of two different Golden Girls episodes that they did the pilot, and they did this one. So I recently watched this scene performed by Pamela Adlon as Sophia, Constance Zimmer as Dorothy. And Carrie Preston is Blanche. Dave 59:35 Wow. Tara 59:35 And it was incredible. Sarah 59:36 Wow, huh. Tara 59:38 Rose was played by Yvette Nicole Brown. And then for this episode, they had Bella Lavelle from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend played Jean. What they sort of highlighted in the conversation afterwards was like multicams that stand the test of time, like there's something about knowing these The characters from dozens of episodes in every season, where it doesn't even matter really what the joke is. You just know, you know, how the characters are going to react. And it's like, I'm with my friends. Goofing around. I'm not here to be surprised. I'm here to be delighted by them doing the things I know they're going to do. And that's the case in this episode, except, as Dave said, for the Blanche not knowing what lesbian means. I mean, if they had staged it in a way where it's like she's just woke up, she's not thinking clearly, like she if she was groggier. I would get it more, but Blanche, like, I feel like Blanche has probably kissed a lady at some point. She's super horny. It's weird. And the scene goes on, and it gets me back when. They tell her that Gene has a crush on Rose, and then Blanche gets really jealous, even though she's also not interested in Gene. She just wants to be the object of desire. It's like, okay, that I understand that. That's a better capper on it. But yeah, overall, I agree. This is. This makes more sense to me as a line reading win than as an epiphany. I think this is just what we're seeing is like Blanche, you know, waking up at 3 a. . , realizing, oh, right, lesbian, not Lebanese. Sorry, I just got up. Or whatever. Sarah 1:01:06 Yeah, I think you have to include if you're gonna put it In Epiphany, I think you also have to include that part where she's like, to think Jean would prefer Rose over me. Tara 1:01:16 Right. Mhm. Sarah 1:01:18 I think you have to include that because it's kind of a rolling epiphany, and that's the button on it. Tara 1:01:22 Yep. Sarah 1:01:25 I am going to overrule the lesbian, Lebanese. non-credibility thing because I have been told personally by a Southern in law that I don't care what Redacted said, I never thought you were Lebanese and Like, these are not stupid people. This is just a transposition that apparently happens south of Raleigh. I don know what the fuck is going on down there, but. Dave 1:01:47 Yeah, but is this person you're talking about a sex hound? Sarah 1:01:50 I don't think so. No information, none wanted. I mean, oh God. I j n now my mind is going places and uh I hate it. Tara 1:01:59 Let's move on. Dave 1:01:59 Sorry, sorry. Sarah 1:02:03 I hate it here. This is like a brilliant scene, and especially that third. Tara 1:02:08 Lesbian Uha Yes. Sarah 1:02:09 It gives the word lesbian like seven syllables in the way that only McClanahan could. May she rest. And Hall of Famers, all of them. The giggling, mother-daughter giggling, also could be a tiny canon because the two of them, like when they're actually not yelling at each other and slamming doors, they are very funny. Tara 1:02:29 Imagine Pamela Adlon and Constance Zimmer cackling like that on the stage at the Paramount Theater on South Congress. It was incredible. Sarah 1:02:37 Perfect. Tara 1:02:38 Yep. Sarah 1:02:38 Perfect. I yeah, I can absolutely imagine it without any trouble at all. That is a brilliant choice, and I'm glad that you got to experience. It's that. But how are we gonna I mean, what's the play? Do we change the category and vote on that? Or do are we voting on what we were told to vote on? Dave 1:02:53 I'm going to let you decide, Sarah, since you are the Golden Girls person. I can't remember if we made a determination whether we're going to allow that moving forward or not, but who cares? Tara 1:03:02 I don't either. Dave 1:03:03 It's our show. You choose. Sarah 1:03:05 I think that this is a tiny canonical scene. that we just had to zhuzh the framework a little bit. So if we put it in the line reading canon, I am absolutely I mean, I'm gonna vote for it either way because Danny Thomas one is something that like actual lesbian relatives will say to each other about certain women. So I think this all reads for me. So I will leave the category up to you. I'm voting for it regardless, but I also think that we should move it to line readings where it is a better fit and kind of hangs the light right on Rue McClanahan's art history. So it's yes for me on that count. Dave 1:03:49 All right. Tar Ariano voting for tiny line reading canon. Tara 1:03:54 Absolutely, yes. Dave 1:03:55 What say you? Yeah, in that case, I am going to shift my answer to yes. So Blanche's Sapphic Realization from the Golden Girls. You are hereby inducted into the extra hot, gray, tiny line reading canon It is not quite top 11 list time. Clip 1:04:10 One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven. Dave 1:04:24 I will go first. I am bringing you the not quite top 23 TV show titles to double as your epitaph presented alphabetically. Tara 1:04:33 Nice Mhm. Dave 1:04:34 Here we go. Being human is our first. Sarah 1:04:39 Heard of him? Dave 1:04:40 Call my agent. Number three. Tara 1:04:51 Mhm. Dave 1:04:52 Cold case. Tara 1:04:53 Yep. Dave 1:04:53 Number four, dark Five, dead like me six, dead zone seven don't trust the bee in apartment twenty-three End of the fucking world. Happy endings. Sarah 1:05:10 Yep. Mhm. Dave 1:05:11 I think you should leave. Man down, my so-called life, no tomorrow, the outer limits And of course, pushing daisies this way up, undone, the weakest link. We are lady parts. What's happening, and finally, wipeout, sir. Tara 1:05:39 Nice. Sarah 1:05:40 Oh, that is beautiful. Tara 1:05:41 Wow. Sarah 1:05:44 All right, let's talk about not quite 11 times Marishka Hargate was on a cop show that was not Tequila and Bonetti or SVU. Tara 1:05:52 I can't believe there are that many. I'm really excited to hear this list. Sarah 1:05:56 All right, well, there's a breakdown. The first section is when she played a detective or other law enforcement officer. Prince Street, which was NYPD's Intelligence and UC Division's Lives and Loves. She played Detective Nina Echeveria. Literally everybody else in Hollywood was in this. Sam Rockwell, Joe Morton, Bill Camp. I might have to drag it out for forcing sometime. Number two, Cracker colon, mind over murder. It's not, you know, some cracker from the hollers of Tennessee. It's actually a Cracking the case guy, specifically the dude who was always painting Murphy Brown's apartment as a Fibby interrogator. She did one episode as Detective Penny Hatfield. Also, everyone was in this. Carolyn McCormick. Robert Wisdom? Josh fing hardnett somebody's kid? Tara 1:06:47 Wow. Sarah 1:06:48 Number three. The single guy is a mounted policewoman. Mounted. Number four, FBI colon, the untold stories. Agent Michelle Evans. This was apparently a true story about her character pursuing a lambster from jail who was also named Evans. Then uh second division is on a cop show, but not necessarily playing a cop. Number five, Booker. Number six, wise guy. Number seven, downtown. It's sort of a neighborhood play, but it's a late 80s show that's basically head of the class, but with parolees at a halfway house. And then we wrap things up. Number eight, in the heat of the night. Number nine, the new Adam 12. And number 10, night sins. Tara 1:07:36 Oh my god. Dave 1:07:37 Oh boy. Tara 1:07:37 Oh no. Sarah 1:07:39 A lifetime movie about a series of small-town murders FBI special agent Valerie Bertinelli is investigating while I fucking Harry Hamlin as one does. Burton Elliot is doing that, not Hargate. I'm not sure what Marhar superstar is doing in that, but it is crimy. This is a pretty Pretty squishy premise for one of these, but I just needed the world to know that she was on a book or so, and now the world knows. Dara. Tara 1:08:07 Also inspired by our lead topic, I've got the not quite top 11 times Troyan Belisario or her brother Michael appeared in projects their father Donald produced. Going in more or less chronological order. Number one, Michael did a Tales of the Gold Monkey Dave, fittingly playing a character called Son. Dave 1:08:25 Oh. Tara 1:08:28 Number two, Troy and Michael were both in Last Rights, a feature film also starring Tom Behringer and Daphne Zunyiga. Sarah, this seems to be Donald's only venture into the feature world. Sarah 1:08:41 Ha killed Okay. Tara 1:08:42 Number three, Troyan played two different Teresas on Quantum Leap. In the second one, our friend, not really our friend, Michael Stoyanov played her brother and Sam was occupying the body of a lady. Remember that one? Number four, Michael did five different quantum leaps. One was a two-parter, but he was a different character in all of them. Number five, Troyan was yet another Teresa. In Tequila and Bonetti, her character is referred to in the pilot that we watch. We don't see her, though, but she does appear. Number six, Troy and did a jag. This time she was Aaron Terry. Close to Teresa, but not quite. At number seven, Troy did First Monday, a Supreme Court show Donald did starring, oh my God, now why can't I remember his name? James Garner was a Supreme Court justice and Gail Strickland was a series regular as well. Number eight, Troyan did NCIS. She is Tim's little sister Sarah McGee in two episodes. And I guess she's got a big part in the second one because she's the image on the IMDb page for the episode. Number nine, Michael did Four NCISs, all as Charles Chip Sterling. And number 10, I guess at some point, Donald was sick of getting asked for allowance every damn week because Michael played. A bunch of different roles on NCIS, but mostly midshipman Mike Mikey Roberts. He was on JAG 29 times, and that is all the evidence of Donald P. Sarah 1:10:04 Wow. Tara 1:10:07 Belisario. Giving his children jobs. Sarah 1:10:17 Hello, Grand Pie. Welcome, welcome. We're glad you're here. We think you would be glad to have been here for the last 80 minutes. And a question mark when we talked about fashion advisors, IRL and on TV, we talked about Muppets casting, and, most importantly, we talked about a talking cop dog who was trying to take a crap in a Cadillac. We would love to have you join us for the entire weekend show. You can do that by kicking up your pledge to five bucks, but we also love that you're here now. when we are going to talk about a thing dear to my heart, con artistry of television. Specifically, who are television's best con artists, and by best I mean favorite? Each panelist is going to pick three of them, and we're going to talk about why we love them and maybe whether we'd be taken in by them. I was thinking mostly of scripted con artists, but If any of us really loved a docuseries about a phlegm flammerer, they are welcome to bring that to the table. I tried to avoid folks that my fellow panelists would pick, so I think that they should go first. Who would like to begin? Dave. Clip 1:11:24 I hear those things are awfully loud. It glides as softly as a cloud. Is there a chance the trap could bend? Not on your life, my Hindu friend. What about us brained and slobs? You'll be given cushy jobs. Were you sent here by the devil? No, good sir, I'm on the level. The ring came off my pudding can. Take my penknife, my good man. I swear it's Springfield's only choice. Throw up your hands! And raise your voice. Move around. What's it called? Monday. Once again. Dave 1:11:57 That's Lyle Lanley from the Monorail episode of The Simpsons. My first thought for this. The second part of the question is: would we be flim-flammed by our picks? I think I would be like Marge Simpson. I would take all this in. I wouldn't believe it. I would say things like, well, if we do this and we can't, you know, fix Main Street or we can't have good. Pipes for our water, but it would be too late because the mob has spoken. So I think that would be my role. It would just be like impotent rage at the whole thing. So he would get away with it, I am sure. Tara 1:12:28 Mm-hmm. I can go next. My first choice is Homeless Heidi, played by Greta Lee from the High Maintenance web series and also the TV show. This is a person who is, as her name suggests, she's homeless. She gloms onto guys. She gets them to invite her over, and then she just. . Stays and doesn't leave. And by the time we meet her in the TV show, she's actually gotten engaged to someone who is like pretty wealthy. And then, you know, she runs into the dude, and he's, oh shit. So she's scamming guys who can afford it. It's a victimless crime. They definitely get something out of it. Sex with her. You know, New York is expensive. You do what you got to do. Would I be taken in by her if I didn't have to run her? Crashing with me past anyone else. I mean, probably. She's very charming. That's why this scam works. So, yes, do homeless ideas. Sarah 1:13:15 Yeah, I mean, it's it Greta Lee. Yep. My first thought was Harry the Hat Giddis from Cheers. Tara 1:13:21 I had him too. Dave 1:13:22 Me too. We all had them. All right, well, let's triple team this one. Tara 1:13:25 Yep. Sarah 1:13:26 Okay, he is played by Harry Anderson. He was in the show a bunch. In early seasons of Cheers, then he, the actor, got night. Court dropped out of sight on cheers for a while. The show used him just the right way and amount. He would come in and do his magic tricks, short-changing trick bets, whatever. And the episode would let it play out so that it could do bits with the characters and call backs, which were Cheers' greatest gifts. As Tara said earlier in the episode, you want to be hanging out with your friends. That's what Cheers did with Harry and their reactions to him. I pulled a clip of one of his short change cons. You actually don't need the visual for this one as much. He has just reappeared after the character says doing a stint in prison. Woody, who is not familiar with the Hatz shenanigans, says that he needs change for a fifty dollar bill, and Harry offers to help him out. Norm and Cliff are sure he's going to flim flam Woody, and they're not wrong. Clip won. Clip 1:14:20 Yeah, well maybe you wouldn't mind if we monitored this little transaction. Wouldn't mind at all. Okay, you got 50 bucks. Here's one, two, three, four, five. Norm, what time is it? 11. 11, 12, 13, 14. Gee my watch must be fast. I got 11, 25, 26, 27, Miyalef, you have not aged a day. How old are you? 39, 40, 41, 42. Hey, you can't be that old. When were you born? 47. 48, 49, 50. There you go, Barty. Thank you. Good to see you, guys. Yeah. Hey, Sam, long time, no see. What was Harry the Hat doing here? He just came in for a beer. Oh. And some change? Sarah 1:15:10 Just perfectly done. So elegant. I love it. Dave 1:15:13 Yeah, I got another clip that I before I knew that we were all gonna pick the same character. I almost picked another one where he does sort of the same type of thing to coach, but I ended up with this one where he's doing something with Norm. Clip 1:15:29 Trick or something, right? No. Strings and wires, stuff like that No, no wires, no strings. I just take the coin, I hold it in the air. About like that. And then I let go of it real careful and it just stays there. It floats. It hangs it. What am I, a goose? There's no way you can make a coin hang in here. No way! You got five bucks if I can't do it Ten! Ten bucks! No, wait wait, wait a minute. Am I being hustled here? You are gonna give me ten bucks if I cannot do it? You're onsville, pal. Come on. Couldn't do it. No, you couldn't. I don't know what happened. I'll tell you what happened. You just got stuck with 10 bucks. Tara 1:16:22 I'm pretty sure watching Cheers and Syndication was the first time I ever saw a short con. Like this done, then the one that I'll put the link to in the show notes is Harry confusing coach to make change from a bunch of different bills and getting it out of the till. He also, in this clip, steals Sam's watch. And I've always thought that kind of thing, like pickpocketing is in the same category, is like one of the coolest skills a person can have. And would I be taken in by him? Absolutely. I would want to make it seem like I was as quick as he was and then get taken. Dave 1:16:52 I would be trying to get a step ahead of the process in my mind while actually falling behind because of that. Sarah 1:16:52 Mm-hmm. Tara 1:16:54 Yep. Mm-hmm. Dave 1:16:58 So I'd try to be a step ahead, I'd be a step behind, and then it would be over before I knew it. Sarah 1:16:58 Mm-hmm. Tara 1:17:02 Yep. My next one is similar to Homeless Heidi. It's Kate Forrester played by Alia Shockett from Pokerface Season Two, Episode Nine. In our timeline as we're recording this, my co-hosts have not watched this one yet. Nothing I'm gonna say is a big spoiler, but She seduces Anne, played by Lauren Tom. She's a sexy over 60 poetry professor, and it's to get into her rent-controlled classic six in Brooklyn. which every shot of it, you're like, oh God, drool. She does her research on her mark to create like the perfect meet cute with her. She is ready and able to pivot, trying to kill someone when unexpected roadblocks arise. Would I be taken in by her? Probably not, but you know, who knows on the right day? Those freckles, they're pretty cute. Sarah 1:17:47 Mm-hmm. Tara 1:17:48 It's tough to say. Sarah 1:17:48 They are. Tara 1:17:50 Sarah. Sarah 1:17:50 I'm going to promote Sneaky Pete from last to the next one because I'm Pretty sure nobody else on the panel or in the world even remembers this shit. God knows nobody watched it but me and the people who were in it, but the log line is that Giovanni Rubisi's character gets released from the jerk and adopts the identity of his cellmate. Only to find out that that family isn't exactly on the level either, and it's hard to tell who's scamming whom at any given time. Rubisi was quite good. It was an all-star cast: Marco Martindale, Brian Cranston as a crime boss, Garrity, Marin Ireland, Ricky J, and his last appearance on screen, which is how I Think I sold a bunch of extra heart rate listeners on watching the thing, even though it was kind of only a week B. The show sometimes failed to understand what made it good, which was processy shit. But sometimes it did, and it would show you a big store con setup, which was absolute pharmaceutical grade buttnip. This cast of actors could get me to put up with a lot of ancillary family drama I wouldn have cared about otherwise. Would I have been taken in? By the titular Sneaky Pete, I don't think so because I'm not the kind of Mark that he would be targeting, but on the other hand, I'm Definitely someone who would be like, Show me how three card Monty works, while people would absolutely be just fucking emptying my Manhattan portage while I was paying attention, which also counts. Tara 1:19:16 Yep. Mm-hmm. Sarah 1:19:18 So, yeah, probably I would. I'm not as smart as I like to think. Tara 1:19:22 Dave, give us your last one. Dave 1:19:23 For my last one, I'm going to choose somebody that basically got into a show via opportunity blackmail. The show is Remington Steel, and the premise is Laura Holt. Is a PI who creates a fictional male persona, Remington Steele, in order to get work in a pretty sexist field private investigation. Then Pierce Brodson's character pretends to be Remington Steele in order to jam himself into her business, and then he becomes. The face of this private investigation firm. That's the premise of the show. So basically, Remington Steele is sort of conning a con artist of sorts. Like they're both doing a con, but of course he is the more malicious of the two, I would say. So Pierce Brosnan as Redmington Steel, a con artist, has the concept for the whole show. Tara 1:20:15 Would you be taken in by him? Dave 1:20:17 Oh, I don't think I would set up a business where I had a fictional person running it. So, I don't think I would set myself over that failure. Tara 1:20:26 My last one, and I had an alt for Harry, is Fake Monica played by Claudia Scheer in the Friends episode, Season 121, The One with the Fake Monica. The premise of this storyline is. Someone has stolen Monica's credit card and is running up all these charges doing very adventurous things like going to tap dance classes. And Monica is sort of thrown because she's looking at her bill and saying this she does all the things I think I want to do and don't have the guts to try. And so She and the girls go to the dance class and she meets the fake Monica and befriends her and they start like doing crazy stuff together. Crashing an embassy party and going to a open casting for cats and stuff. So eventually the fake Monica does get caught and goes to jail, and Monica has to go and tell her who she actually is. No, she is not. Manana from Pennsylvania Dutch country. She is, you know, the person whose credit card she stole. Yeah, it's a very off-model friends episode. Like, it's really not the kind of thing they normally do, but it's fun. Claudia Scheer at the time was like a sort of sensational one-woman show woman. She was sort of well known for that as well. Would I be taken in by her? No, all of her adventures are too adventuresome for me, so I would not be interested in doing any of it and would certainly just cancel my card immediately and not play out the string to see where it goes. Sarah, your last one. Sarah 1:21:50 I'm gonna say Jimmy McGill and Kim Wexler together. Rhea C. Horn's criminally underawarded performance as Kim is key here because you can see her thinking the Con through to the end, weighing her own culpability and the moral pros and cons of it, and then deciding to proceed, usually, because she's Kind of turned on, which I don't not get it. Like, despite the lace front and the grimy behavior of Jimmy McGill, this is an occasionally sexy performance from Odenkirk. I am not a crackpot, anyway. When they're working together, it allows for some process exposition about how a grift or graft would work. Also, it lets them communicate nonverbally, slash lets the camera show instead of telling, which is what that show did so well. Nothing against just Jimmy, obviously, but in my opinion, Kim is the key ingredient to making the long con parts of that show cook. And when she rooks that grody guy who's sitting on her for ten grand, just basically for existing, and doesn't think twice about it, who says there's no ethics under capitalism? Good for you. That's it. Dave 1:22:58 Well, that is it for this episode of Extra, Extra Hot Great. Tara 1:23:00 Ha ha ha ha. Dave 1:23:03 We got busy with the very 1992 pilot of Tequila and Bonetti. Before answering your burning ass EHG questions like which celebrity we give the best back rubs. We had an epiphany that the Golden Girls lesbian line reading belonged in the tiny canon. We celebrated those who weren't quite the best and worst of the week and wrapped it all up with some of our favorite TV cons. Remember, we're on Awesome Vlog. I am David T. Cole, and on behalf of Tara Ariano and Sarah D. Bunting. Tara 1:23:29 Yuppie Water Yuppie Water Sarah 1:23:32 Didn't Danny Thomas won? Dave 1:23:34 Thanks for listening. We'll see you next time, right here on Extra Extra Hot Great. Clip 1:23:43 Oh, brother. This is Extra Hot Great Minis. Today's topic is Gone to the Dogs. Hi there, everyone. Eve Beatty here. I have a mini that I'm presenting to the panel today. Since 2009, Subaru has been running an ad campaign for their cars in which all of the characters, which would as you can imagine typically be human beings who can actually race the pedals are played by dogs. So I'd like to ask my friends to fully recast a different commercial or series of commercials with dogs and I will begin. It was just last fall that beer brand Dosi Keese faced charges of ageism when it retired This is the name of the actor who played the most interesting man in the world. His name was Jonathan Goldsmith, who he was 77 years old and they swapped him out for a 44-year-old French guy named Augustin Legrand, according to Adweek, to appeal to the millennial audience. As someone who's married to a 44-year-old man, I can tell you millennials do not give a shit about 44-year-old guys. But boy, oh boy, do they sure love dogs. I'm sorry, Augustine. My one-eyed Italian greyhound is gunning for your job. And if your bosses are smart. They'll cast the governor immediately in your place. Mine is the ad for Amazon, in which a priest and a rabbi order each other knee pads. Oh, boy, that's that one. Just because the only thing cuter than that commercial would be if it starred dogs. Sarah. Beat it, McConaughey. You already have one Lincoln commercial in which you are already driving your dogs to get takeouts. Let's just skip you and your fucking Trump normalizing bullshit and recast the entire campaign with Pointers and Rhodesian Ridgebacks. Sonbai. All right, I am going to cast an English bulldog and an English pointer in a series of advertisements. For Taser's Choice, it's the Dogs, the Giles romance series with two English dogs. And the end of every commercial ends with humping. But it's like blurred in the background over the logo. It's like taster's choice, blah, blah, blah. There's just like these two blobs just sort of going at it.