Taking A Vacation In MobLand

Dave: [0:21] This is the Extra Extra Hot Great Podcast, episode 347 for the April 5th, 2025 weekend. I am oat milk gangster David T. Cole, and I'm here with blood-sucking lawyer Sarah D. Bunting. Sarah: [0:42] Allegedly, yeah. Dave: [0:44] And taciturn fixer Tara Ariano. Tara: [0:46] Right now I'm at first gear. Would you like to see me shift to six? Tara: [0:55] Welcome to extra extra hot great for another weekend we're so glad you're here we're so glad for your support we're so glad we get to tell you about mob land you think london's run by locally elected officials you child you absolute baby london is run by organized crime the governor of the various crime families is Conrad Harrigan, Pierce Brosnan, although the real power behind Conrad's throne is split between his fixer, Harry D'Souza, Tom Hardy, and his wife, Maeve Harrigan, Helen Mirren. Harry is very good at his job, but even he is tested when Conrad's shitty grandson, Eddie, Anson Boone, goes out partying with Tommy Stevenson, Felix Edwards, and things take a turn, which would be bad under any circumstances, but especially because Tommy is the son of one of Harrigan's Rivals. It's real. My whole body's a knife hours up here at Mobland. The show was created by Ronan Bennett, whom we just talked about in November with his last show, The Day of the Jackal. The other writer on the project is Jez, Mrs. Butterworth, creator of the British slash American version of the agency. The first episode of Mobland premiered on Paramount Plus Sunday. That's all we've seen. Let's do the Chen check-in. Sarah, should our listeners watch Mobland? Sarah: [2:17] No, I don't think so. But like qualified, no. Tara: [2:21] Okay. Sarah: [2:21] No. Tara: [2:22] Dave? Dave: [2:23] Well, I'm sort of in the bag for this kind of show. I don't know why British crime stories always warrant a watch from me. But given the pedigree of everybody involved, I expected this to be better. So I would say I'm going to watch it. But like, I'm not super excited about it. Tara: [2:42] Yeah. Dave: [2:43] But I would like to say before we chime in with your Chen Check and Tara. But calling the genre my whole body is a knife or my whole body is a gun, I think is very useful because there's lots of shows that I enjoy that fall into this category. Tara: [2:56] That's a Sean Cullen bit, right? Dave: [2:58] It's a Sean Cullen bit, yeah. Tara: [2:59] Yes, from Corking the Juice Pigs. Not that anyone remembers that. God, the 90s. Dave: [3:03] Shout out to our Canadian listeners. Tara: [3:05] Shout out to our Canadian listeners. Yeah, his impression of a British gangster was, you call that a knife? My whole body's a knife. And that's very much what this show is. Dave: [3:14] All right. So, Tara, what is your chin check-in? Tara: [3:16] My Chen check-in is, if you didn't want to watch this anymore, that would be fine. And knowing that you do, that is fine with me also. I'm very neutral on this. Dave: [3:26] Yeah. Tara: [3:27] Yeah, we'll come to Sarah's qualified yes in a second. But since you, Dave, already brought it up, you know, we've all watched lots of pop culture about organized crime families. In terms of entertainment value, where would you each rank English gangs among like the Italian mob, the Irish mob, the Russian mob, Dixie mafia, Mexican cartels? Fill in the blank. Dave: [3:48] Oh, OK. Like for entertainment value? Tara: [3:51] Entertainment value. Yes. Dave: [3:53] Well, I'll tell you the ones I'm least excited about, and that's modern-day American mafia. I like the idea of the transitional Italian-American mob, say, your Godfather era portrayals, while there is still structure and honor and it's not completely chaotic. Because that's the whole thing with the mob and why they're interesting is because they're kind of like a little mini-army, and they kind of lose that, the more recent stories, I think. English are great because when they're sort of like posh or putting on airs posh, I enjoyed that. So when in Mobland, the Fixer character meets with another head of another mob family, and that guy is like smoking cigars and drinking tea, that's like the right level of English for me. An Italian mob has to be either, like I said, Godfather era or actually in Italy, which I don't feel like we actually weirdly don't see a lot of those stories, considering... Tara: [4:52] Yeah, there's Gamora, and that's kind of it. Dave: [4:54] Yeah. And Godfather Part II. Tara: [4:56] Right. Dave: [4:57] Right. Yeah. Yakuza, in for it. But there's not a lot of accessible ones, I think, that are, like, on TV. There's certainly movies about them. Tara: [5:06] Yes. Dave: [5:06] Westy is what again? Irish? Tara: [5:07] Yeah. Dave: [5:08] Yeah, Irish, in for it. Because they're, like, they're always the bruisers, right? Tara: [5:12] Yeah. Sarah: [5:13] Mm-hmm. Dave: [5:13] Just started watching... I know it's not... exclusively irish gangs but there's some irish gangs and peaky blinders which i'm enjoying so far only a few episodes in season one and then uh yeah the bill the butcher gangs in new york era is also very famous because again it's sort of like a transitional irish mafia english mafia and now they're over here in the new land and they're doing sort of like hybrid stuff so i i guess basically anything old or foreign i'm sort of in the bag for i just don't really like like modern portrayals of mafia stuff as much. Tara: [5:44] Yeah. Dave: [5:45] I'm not saying I don't like The Sopranos. Tara: [5:47] Right. Dave: [5:47] Sarah, I'm just saying, generally speaking, that is sort of where I fall. Sarah: [5:51] Well, and even that is a fucking quarter century old now. That's true. Tara: [5:55] Right. I didn't include like East Coast, West Coast, you know, like Crips, Bloods, etc. You know, them too. Dave: [6:01] Yeah, I don't like... Tara: [6:02] But The Wire. Dave: [6:04] Like Grandfath Auto's type of stuff. Tara: [6:06] Sure. I mean, Sarah, we know what the pinnacle is for you in terms of gang programming, but where would you rank English gangs as represented here relative to the Sopranos? Sarah: [6:17] I mean, what I did like about this is that there was some processiness in it. What I want is a property where you're sort of like, it's the Michael Clayton structure, but for criminal organization that either is fictional or it's based on real shit, but I just don't know that much about it. I would say that for me, it's like, let's go from last to first. Whitey Bulger, it just slides off my brain. Also, it doesn't sell in my bookshop, so that's a problem. So like, aside from The Departed, Whitey Bulger, nah. Later Philly mob stuff, nah. Because they're just completely psychotic and on cocaine. And it's like, the story just disintegrates, sort of speaking to what Dave was saying with like, there's no honor, there's no lanes, everyone's just shooting. Dave: [7:12] What's an example of a Philly mob? Because I don't really understand what that is. Sarah: [7:16] Okay, like, all right, here's a little trivia for you. I'm sure I've brought this up before. Who has appeared in the most Law & Order Mothership credits? Tara: [7:25] Dennis O'Hare. Sarah: [7:26] The answer is Nicodemo Scarfo Jr., who was the head of the Philly Mob. He's the guy holding the book over his face. You can win a little money at Bar Trivia if you want. Tara: [7:37] Nice. Sarah: [7:37] But yeah, like these allegedly a relative of mine had to do like little chores for them. Dave: [7:47] Chores? Sarah: [7:48] In order to work off his gambling debts. I mean, little chores, not like black bag chores. My grandmother is clawing her way above ground to be like, allegedly, I understand, Grandma, it's okay. There is a sense like after Gotti that it's just like chaos and everybody shooting each other and being high. Like the Philly mob kind of always was like, that and Scarfo like it was just really everybody trying to kill each other before they got got but stories like that I agree are not appealing I don't really have a like in terms of like where the mob is or where their allegiances are I don't really think of it in that way it's more like are we hearing the story of fucking lucky Luciano for the 88th time I'm out is it whitey bulger I can't follow that shit nobody seems to know whose side he was on i'm out cartel stuff that's just like kind of indiscriminately and mercilessly violent i'm out but there's always exceptions if you have some process and you keep the line moving and you're not doing cliched things like the lady mcbeth wife character that helen mirren is stuck playing spoiler yeah this is kind of why it's a qualified no for me, but it's definitely one of those inertia projects. If they dropped the whole season, I would have watched it. Am I going to wait for a weekly drop? No. Dave: [9:17] Yeah. That's a good point. Sarah: [9:19] You know what I mean? Dave: [9:19] Yeah, it would have been stickier if they just plopped it all down. Yeah, I think what we're getting at, I think, is with the whole, like how chaotic and violent and dishonorable they are, is if all your gang members are star wipes, then there are no star wipes. Tara: [9:36] Right. Dave: [9:36] That's part of the problem. You know, the other part of it is I like the play off, you know, there's the one loose cannon, there's the one crazy card in your gang member and he's the guy who gleefully takes the thumbs. Then that is an interesting character in that ecosystem where everybody else is like, we don't want to attract too much attention. We don't want to go too loud. We don't want to go too big. But send Artie out there to grab some thumbs. And Artie's like, yeah. And he pulls out his five knives, you know, and he's like, I'm ready. That mix is what I like. And like the Guy Ritchie of it all feels like it should be a part of that. It feels like it should be playing into that. Sarah: [10:16] I was thinking that too. Tara: [10:17] That's right. He is an executive producer on this too. And I didn't mention that part. Dave: [10:20] Right. I was just expecting something with more contrast and more dynamic performances, especially since like Pierce Brosnan, Tom Hardy, Helen Murren, Patty Constantine, Dundine, these are all really great actors and they're not really being given a lot to chew on here in the pilot. Tara: [10:47] Yeah. Dave: [10:48] And I just sort of wanted it to be a little more rat-a-tatty. Tara: [10:51] Mm-hmm. Dave: [10:52] And it wasn't. Sarah: [10:53] Yeah. Tara: [10:53] Yeah. I mean, I do enjoy Between This and The Gentleman. Now we know the only people who are buying stately country manners are English mobsters. Dave: [11:02] The Gentleman story was ridiculous. Tara: [11:05] Mm-hmm. But I liked how gonzo it was more than this. Dave: [11:08] Exactly. That one had the right beat. You know, like the right tempo for something like this. And the characters were just like, just caricatured enough. Peter Serafinowicz coming in as like a mob leader was ridiculous, but he pulled it off and it was fun. And this just needed a little bit more of that. Like, I think everybody's playing it to what they think is realistically. Like Tom Hardy is like, like, who am I? It's like, dude, you're a fixer. I want you to go into that bar, crack some skulls, walk out 10 seconds later with the information you want. Tara: [11:43] Yeah, I mean, I kind of thought... Dave: [11:45] He doesn't have to be violent, and he doesn't have to be a bruiser, but I want him to enunciate. I want him to shout something. I want him to be angry at some things and not angry at other things, rather than just being like this flatline. Tara: [11:59] But that's the problem with this being a show and not a movie. Like, if you could do that more in a movie, he or he has to have somewhere to go. Right. Like, we don't know how many episodes this is, if it's six or ten or whatever. Like, he can't start at a nine. Dave: [12:12] Okay, there's a scene in the pilot, sort of like how it ends. The general gist of the pilot is somebody, a mob person's son, got himself into trouble because he's a dick. And he stabbed somebody and that has followed. Tara: [12:25] A civilian also, which is a problem too. Dave: [12:28] Eventually what happens is these two families have a meet. And the Tom Hardy fixer family sends Tom Hardy. And then this other guy I was talking about who's smoking cigars and drinking tea, they meet at Common Ground at this boxing ring place. Tara: [12:43] Sidebar, that was one of the process things I liked, where it's like, here's my bag of cash, we'll hold it for 48 hours, and then if nothing happens, this is how we guarantee this is a safe, this is neutral ground. I thought, okay, that's interesting. This is what you can do in a show that's harder to do in a movie. Dave: [12:57] They both give him 50,000 pounds. I was just wondering, what is his cut? Like, how much of that stays with this guy who's basically has a venue, has some carafe of tea at the ready. Tara: [13:08] Yep. He's got refreshments. Dave: [13:10] You know, in a chair and a couple of tables. Like, is that 10%? Did he just walk away with 5,000 pounds? Sarah: [13:16] And he's a forum moderator, too, that it's like, whatever, no politics. Please read the whole thread. That when people start making threats, he's like, that's not what we're doing today. Tara: [13:26] Yeah. Dave: [13:26] That was a good scene. I like that whole set. But what happens at this is that they are meeting and they're trying to figure out if peace can be made. And the deal is when Tom Hardy exits the meeting, if he does a certain tap, that means we got to take out this other mob head because it's not going to work. And it's just better to take him out now. Right. And there is a time crunch. Like, he only has from the time he gets out of the door to the time he gets into his car for the sniper that's waiting across the street to put one in his head. Tara: [13:56] Yeah. Dave: [13:56] And Tom Hardy calls up. Sarah: [13:57] The snoop of this show. Dave: [13:59] Yeah. Tom Hardy calls up Pierce Brosnan and says, all right, we got 10 seconds. Or actually, he doesn't say that. He says, all right, you got 10 seconds. That's the problem. Like, this is like a moment. And Tom Hardy is playing it so just like cool and low key that I just like, I wanted it to like be more there. And I feel like that's his performance so far. Sarah: [14:22] Or maybe it just needed to be a little more like 33 and a third short films about Tom Hardy not losing his cool. Like, just have it be, I don't know, maybe the framing device is like shit that he's only telling his solicitor and not law enforcement because he's gotten grabbed up, blah, blah, blah. And it's like, here's what happens when there's a beef. And then you have a whole episode about this guy. What is that boxing ring moderator guy's day to day? Like, he's an organized crime mediator, allegedly. So, like, just, like, do an hour on him. And then it's like, you know, there's a time stamp and it's like 930 in the morning. He's just sitting there, like, reading the paper and nothing's happening for, like, days. And you just, like, cut that up and do a little time lapse. And then people come in and glare at each other. Dave: [15:12] I think you've just created a pitch for Paw Patrol's Mobland. Which. Sarah: [15:20] Woodwatch. Dave: [15:20] Yeah. I'm not angry at that idea. Yeah, like, how does a mob work piece by piece would be an interesting take on this for sure. Tara: [15:27] Yeah. And Dave, I take your point overall with the Tom Hardy character, but I actually thought the scene where he goes into the bar and he's just, like, being the coolest motherfucker and so, like, quietly menacing. Like, to me, that was the best scene of the episode when he just goes in and gets what he wants without, like, just by making verbal threats. He's like, this doesn't have to be hard. Dave: [15:48] I agree. Tara: [15:49] You're going to give me what I want. Let's just do it. And then no one has to get their thumbs broken. And the guys are like, all right, I believe you. Dave: [15:56] And there's a similar scene with him in a hospital where he's dealing with the guy that got stabbed to make sure he doesn't squeal to anybody. Tara: [16:03] That was my second favorite scene. Dave: [16:05] Well, okay, but he's in the position to power because he knows what he's doing there. My point is with the whole boxing climax is that that was a time crunch. That was like a really important play. And it didn't really seem to bother him any more than anything else in the show. Sarah: [16:19] Well, but again... This is his job. This is why I made the Michael Clayton reference that it's sort of like he's not going to be the Tilda Swinton hyperventilating in the bathroom guy. He's going to be the Clooney who's like, this is annoying. But at the end of the day, I don't get blamed. So whatever. But I would love to see a montage of all the meats that have been necessitated by the twat fail-son grandson whipping it out metaphorically. And in the case of a switchblade, literally, in various clubs or going back to school days. And the number of times that Tom Hardy had to go and just be like, this fucking kid. But, I mean, it's not going to bother him because that's his job. Maybe I'm talking myself into liking this show. Tara: [17:10] I at least thought this was a different take on the main guy's wifey who can't respect his job trove because we haven't talked about her yet. But Harry's wife is played by Joanne Froggatt from Downton Abbey. The character's name is Jan. And when we see her just a little, she seems like resigned to get however much or little from him as she's going to. and she'd like a tune-up on their marriage, but she doesn't really expect anything. Even when he's like, I will be at therapy, she's like, on your flying pic. Even when she asks, she doesn't expect to get it. There's something sort of sad about that, but on the other hand, she meets a cute lady at therapy. Maybe she's going to fuck Alice. I don't know. Sarah: [17:46] Yeah, that was my... If people keep watching it and they end up scissoring, let me know when I get back. Dave: [18:04] All right, this beautiful music means it's time for that segment we like to call Ask E H G G. Oh, Clank. Tara: [18:31] Long version. Sarah: [18:32] Yeah, I gave you the Clank. Dave: [18:33] Got the Clank. It is time for Ask EHG. Let's get to the Ask Ask EHG question from last week. It came from Elsbeth, who asked, please pitch a Real Housewives series set in a historical context, he says, with pepper on it for some reason. First, I'm going to list all the answers people put in the Discord, pointing out shows that already fit the bill. So Eric says the Real Housewives of the death of the Roman Republic is the HBO show Rome. True. Julie pointed out that the Gilded Age is Real Housewives of Old New York. True. Dave: [19:07] Monty suggested that another period could work if it's just set a couple decades later than the Gilded Age. Yep, sure. Randy stumbled into the Real Housewives of the Manhattan Project, which is just the show Manhattan. and our winner though is L triple B for the simple suggestion of the real housewives of Exodus which Eric and Leslie built up with their script treatments that Miriam thinks she's God's gift what with being able to find water in the desert and all plus her new song not that new and she cannot keep her rhythm on her timbrel I'm not saying support is crazy but keep her away from sharp stones. So L triple B, Leslie and Eric each win a non-judgment of Solomon sticker for that one. All right. So congratulations. Go to Discord. DM me there with your mailing address if you want that sticker. All right. Let's get to your questions for us this week. First one is from Marnie. If you're still writing TV show recaps for TWOP, television without pity, which current show would you pick to assign to yourself? Tara, got your choice, anything you want, but you have to recap it. What are you picking? Tara: [20:23] 100%. This was the easiest answer for me this week. Dr. Odyssey, it's not close. It's extremely dumb. It has no lore or subtext to keep track of. It's a casual 40 minutes in and out. It's got lots of guest stars to mix things up, and it's super easy to make fun of. So Dr. Odyssey for me, absolutely. Sarah? Sarah: [20:43] Yeah absolutely the easiest one this week ideally you want to kind of like a c to low b minus range show overall that lets you do more commentary if you want but strict transcribing of plot is not necessary and it is not shot or built cinematically so you'd feel bad skipping stuff i loved better call saw but recapping that was a nightmare so law and order svu you're up baby baby. Dave: [21:15] I think I recapped one show on the schedule in which you're supposed to recap a TV show. Yeah, it was Survivor. Oh, no, I don't think I did Survivor. I did West Wing. Tara: [21:26] Then you did it twice. You definitely did a Survivor. Dave: [21:28] I do remember the West Wing. Okay, maybe I did Survivor too. Don't remember that one. I did the West Wing and somebody needed a sub and everybody else was out of town or whatever. So I was like, all right, let's ask Dave. And I did it and I hated it. and I would not care to do it again, but gun to my head, picking something now, I think I would go with, for kind of the same reason as Tara, I would go with Ahsoka, the Star Wars show. It's bad in so many ways that I could probably tackle it there. Tara: [21:59] Yeah. Dave: [21:59] Like, it would just be like the angry recap because it was just such a garbage show. So I think that, like when a show, when you hate a show so much that the hate just flows through you. Tara: [22:10] Yes. Dave: [22:10] Then I think you could get through it that way. Sarah: [22:12] Much easier. Dave: [22:12] Yeah. Sarah: [22:13] Young Americans versus the Americans. No contest. You definitely want young Americans. Tara: [22:18] For sure. You have to either, yeah, Dave is right. You have to hate it or you have to like almost like it. So then at least you can talk about like how opportunities are missed. Dave: [22:28] Right. Tara: [22:28] Because that's interesting too. Dave: [22:30] Our favorite Vulcan artisan is back to pickles. I am watching the new Tim Allen show. Tara: [22:35] Why? Dave: [22:37] In your opinions, who has played themselves way too many times on screen and thus you can't imagine them being able to play anyone else. Sarah? Sarah: [22:45] Most of my candidates for this were more movie actors, and I'm not sure this is what to pickles means, but I think it's like these are actors who always end up playing a version of themselves and the character is like their actual first name, marginally changed last name sort of thing. Dave: [23:03] Tony Danza! Tara: [23:04] Yeah. Sarah: [23:06] Anyway, you could actually say this about a lot of the cast of Oz, but I'm going to go with Dean Winters. Mayhem is Ryan O'Reilly, but with various accoutrements in which he's fucking up people's cars. That is fine. He has a lane. He commands that lane. I just don't think it's possible for us to accept him as anything else at that point. And I think he's fine with that too. And so is his brother because he shows up in those mayhem heads too. Tara: [23:37] Does he? I haven't seen him. Oh, that's funny. Sarah: [23:39] Occasionally, they're just like beating on each other and then they just break a basketball hoop off of the garage. Tara: [23:46] This is what I miss, not watching sports. Sarah: [23:47] It's very fun. Tara: [23:47] Wow. Sarah: [23:48] Yeah, I mean, sigh. Anyway, Dave, who is your candidate for this? Tara: [23:52] Well, before we go to Dave, I'll just say, if you ever do get around to watching 30 Rock, I think you really enjoy his periodic appearances as Dennis Duffy because it's that, but like really funny. Sarah: [24:03] Okay. Tara: [24:04] Funnier than Ryan O'Reilly for sure. Dave. Sarah: [24:07] Mm-hmm. Dave: [24:08] Well, this was the stand-up persona and it translated to all his sitcoms. And it's not a bad thing, but I will say Bob Newhart. It's Bob Newhart. He's the same in every show. Get to the basement. Sarah: [24:19] Oh, yeah. Dave: [24:20] You know, that is the thing. He's sort of like a slightly nervous Nelly in a stand-up. And he was that in Bob Newhart and he was that in Newhart. So, you know, it worked and more power to him. Also, like maybe Kevin James as well, I guess. Although, you know, I saw a picture of Kevin James last year, you know, when that photo was going around. But at the time he was doing a tour and he was like trying to pull off the special team forces look, you know, with the big beard and the shaved head and everything like that. I'm like, dude, you're America's doofus. Just accept it. Sarah: [24:51] You're a mall cop. Settle down. Tara: [24:53] Sorry. Everybody stop stepping to my man, Kevin James. I hate to bring him up because I defended him last time, but honestly, Joel McHale. I like him, but he's doing the same thing always. Sarah: [25:03] Mm-hmm. Tara: [25:04] He's on community, on animal control, and in the soup, and in the million other things he's hosted. It's just, that's the thing he does, and he does it well, and I'm fine with it. Dave: [25:14] All right. Sarah: [25:15] Mm-hmm. Dave: [25:15] New submitter Gaboo. I love that name. That's a lot of fun to say, Gaboo. Tara: [25:21] Great British oak off. Dave: [25:25] Not to set you off on a food tangent again, but does Tara Steele eat salad every day for lunch? Also, do Sarah and Dave have equivalents? Okay, well, Tara, let's start with you, even though that wasn't the order. Tara: [25:36] Yeah, I changed it in the doc before you saw it. I feel like I have just talked about this recently. Sorry to repeat myself if so, But I do eat a prepackaged salad most days for lunch. I add hard-boiled egg and cold rotisserie chicken to it. If I am in a rush, I will be not nutritionally sound, but I'll just eat a Bear Bell's protein bar. B-A-R-E-B-E-L-L-S. I've become a member of the Bear Bell's street team recently. I was promoting them to someone else. I don't get paid for this. I just really like them. They're so yummy. It just tastes like a chocolate bar, and they have 20 grams of protein. Dave: [26:13] So if you think any protein bar tastes like a chocolate bar, you are fucking kidding. Tara: [26:18] You're you are wrong. Dave: [26:20] I've had one of yours. They do not taste like chocolate bars. Tara: [26:23] Well, I mean, guys, try it for yourselves and see who you agree with. Come back to tell us on the discord. Sarah: [26:29] Oh, bear bells rumble. Tara: [26:31] Look, I eat chocolate, real chocolate all the time. And so take my endorsement over Dave's. Sarah: [26:38] I just call Hershey's Almond a protein bar because it is. Tara: [26:45] Dave eats vegetables for fun. He doesn't know about good flavor. Dave: [26:49] That's right. My answer is I love salad. Salad is a treat. So jokes on you. Yum, yum, yum salad. Gimme, gimme, gimme. Sarah. Tara: [26:57] Okay. Sarah: [26:59] I do have an equivalent. It's not every day, but most weekdays. Dan makes me scrambled eggs with cheese and scallions with a bread item on the side. Served with a Diet Pepsi. And because there's often biscuits involved, it is also served with the undivided attention of our carb-forward hound, Bear E. Williams. I forget why this started during the pandemic, but he just became the executive chef of the house, and now that's how it is. And he's a Southern man. There's a lot of butter, and I am here for it. But yeah, that's usually what I eat. And if I don't have time, then it's like a V8 and some coffee, which is, I don't know. I would say it's not functional at my age, but it does appear to still be functional at my age. So yay, V8. Dave: [27:48] Elsbeth, continuing our food tangent, which TV show needs more tacos? Tara, tacos, TV, more. Tara: [27:55] Gilded Age. Dave. Dave: [27:59] Honestly, 9-1-1 and Lone Star dropped the ball on the importance of tacos in the Austin ecosystem. Tara: [28:05] Great point. Dave: [28:06] The crew should have been shown walking into the station for their shift with a half-eaten breakfast taco in their mouth at least once per episode because it really is just the food you eat for breakfast around here. My other suggestion would be that every character in Star Trek section 31 should have always been either holding or eating a taco. It would not have helped that train wreck of a show, but at least it would have given people something else to talk about. Taco about. Tara: [28:36] Sarah. Sarah: [28:37] Yellow jackets. I will not be taking questions. Dave: [28:41] Dr. Calhoun, the Brady Bunch hour got me thinking. what current or recent show could best pull off a variety show, and which would be hilariously bad. Sarah: [28:51] I didn't do the hilariously bad one because I think most of them would be hilariously bad. But for a good one, given the cast, I would not have minded seeing season three of Julia go into some alternate universe timeline where her show became the song and dance of French cooking. Complete with casting Michelle Williams as Gwen Verdon again, because why the fuck not? And then she and B.B. Neuwirth get a tap number in every episode. Do what you fucking cowards. Tara. Tara: [29:18] Good. I would say The Righteous Gemstones is about three artistic choices away from being a variety show already. So that's my answer for that. Hilariously bad. Current show? House of the Dragon. Let's see how that works. Try it out. Sarah: [29:34] That's good. Tara: [29:35] Let's get the dragons doing some breakdancing. Dave: [29:38] I just had this thought, so I haven't broken it out. But The X-Files, I think would be a good variety hour. Because you got a lot of stuff to play with. I think it got the whole, you know, mythology and lore to like, like dancing werewolves and sewer cats and fluke men's and stuff. Like I want to see all this in a variety hour. My original answer was I would honestly love to see a Breaking Bad universe variety show because there's like so many actors I think would be really fun to watch there. Cranston. Tara: [30:04] Yep. Dave: [30:04] You know, although everybody, everybody involved in Breaking Bad. Oh, Huel. Like let's get him in there. Sarah: [30:09] Oh God. Yes. Dave: [30:10] Like at commercial break, does the big money drop? Of course he does. Uh, so yeah, everything there in the context of a seventies variety show, I think it'd be great. A bad idea, like a bad variety show, I think would be Dune Prophecy because no one in the show is having a good time. And, uh, I think all the songs would be like a dirge, you know, in order to fit into that whole scheme. So I think Dune Prophecy is a no-go. And with an E has our next question. Would you rather Baby Billy or White Lotus Rick? Tara: [30:48] I can't believe that after how much we've seen his penis, baby Billy would be anybody's choice, but obviously, Rick, for me, Sarah. Dave: [30:57] Wait, but what? Wait, why? Tara: [30:59] It's weird. Dave: [31:00] I mean, it's the same penis. Tara: [31:02] Is it? Dave: [31:03] Well, okay, let's just, let's say yes. Tara: [31:06] I mean, in the context of this question, there are two different people. Sure, okay. So, no. I mean, baby, baby Billy is Rick's penis in 50 years. Dave: [31:16] Sure, sure, sure. Tara: [31:17] I mean, I don't know what's going on with a scrotum, but it's a big problem for me. Sarah. Sarah: [31:26] Well, with the understanding that I don't watch either show, I guess I picked wrong, but I went with Baby Billy. Dave: [31:34] No, you're right. Sarah: [31:34] Because I think Rick is on a vengeance trip and seems like he's kind of a bummer and we distracted in bed. So I went with BB. Dave: [31:42] White Lotus Rick looks like he always smells like wet cigarettes. Tara: [31:46] Wait, what do you think Baby Billy smells like? He's doing coke like throughout the day I'm sure he's shitting his pants He's old as hell I don't think he's good in bed. Dave: [31:56] Sorry That's fine, but Baby Billy seems like a lot of fun You can go water skiing right after That's true, I guess He's got a lot of stuff there You know, he's super rich Rick's gonna. Tara: [32:05] Take you to an unlicensed. Dave: [32:07] Snake shell He looks so gross I know it's set in Thailand and everything But like the man is never not sheen sweaty Yeah. Sarah: [32:16] There's just a humidity... underpant issue. Dave: [32:20] I think he's got mold problems. I think he's a little moldy here. Sarah: [32:23] If he even wears underpants, which, eesh. Dave: [32:26] More for you, Tara. More for you. Tara: [32:29] Great. Dave: [32:29] All right. Recent sticker winner, L triple B. While I keep hoping for a season five of Holy Moly, I'd like to ask if television show makers should be required by force of law to announce a show has been canceled. Why do we as a society allow for this quiet canceling? Why? Sarah. What do you think about this? Sarah: [32:49] I am going to take your side, L-Trips, and say yes, because that affords us the opportunity to face, I think there should be like a town hall where the executives have to announce that they're too cheap or too stupid to support stuff like Perry Mason 2 or Primo, and that we can then throw things. I mean, soft things, non-lethal things. But yeah, I hear what you're saying. Dave. Dave: [33:17] Yeah, I think this is a great idea. I think we're, since we're so high on executive orders these days, I think we put out an executive order that every day after, let's say, the three-month anniversary of your last episode airing, right? So three months have passed. Every day after that, that passes, in which the state of the show is undetermined, means that the studio that is airing it is penalized with a future production stalling. so for every day that you don't cancel officially your show or renew it, then the next project you want to do is getting delayed a month for every day that you don't, uh, you know, wow, put the ax down or something like that. So you got like a hot new thing. You're like, you know, somebody's just pissed you the stranger thing sequel. It's going to make you a gazillion dollars, but you got to get out for Q1. Oh, but shit, you forgot to tell us what was going on with Holy Moly for like four weeks. That means you can like, you got to wait a year or whatever. I think that would work. Tara: [34:18] I mean, part of this is, I don't think it's on television show Makers to announce this. It's on the network. Sarah: [34:24] Right. No, it's on Zaslav, who can come out. He's not allowed to wear protective gear. He's just got to take the slings and tomatoes of outrageous fortune. Tara: [34:35] I personally don't mind it with stuff that I like, as long as no one says Supermarket Sweep is canceled. I can hope it will come back and wrote basically that for Decider a couple of years ago. We still don't know. So it's still, you know, I guess officially on the bubble, even though it hasn't aired since the early 2020s. But in our era of constant revivals, why not live in hope? You know, if something hasn't been totally canceled, and honestly, even if it has, it could always come back. So I'm not that bothered when people don't give a definitive answer. Dave: [35:06] But let me put it to you in food terms. Let's say I'm shopping at Costco, and there are things that we've been getting at Costco for a while. I would appreciate knowing if the reason I can't find it for the past two months is we are no longer selling it or whether it is there is a supply chain problem. Because I want a giant tub of animal crackers from Costco. Are they still making them? Because it seems like everything to do with animal crackers should be easy to find and make. The other thing is like, can I get Tara her gigantic box of hard-boiled eggs? Tara: [35:38] Yeah, can you? Haven't in quite a while. Dave: [35:41] Like that one, I may understand why it's not around right now because there's an egg shortage, generally speaking, and maybe that is the product that they decide that we can do without. Either way, I would appreciate, because Costco also has the other annoying trait of moving where you find things on a weekly basis. Like it used to be in aisle 10, but for whatever reason, now it's up with the bread in aisle 14. I waste five minutes looking for the animal crackers, which could very well never be there again. So take that idea, apply it to TV, I think is what I'm saying. Dr. Calhoun has our next question. A celebrity bought the house next door. Who do you hope it is and who do you hope it isn't? I hope it is Christina Hendricks. I fear it is Chris Pratt because I get the vibe. He's not a great guy and he's going to steal all my voice work. Tara. Tara: [36:32] Based on the new season of Taskmaster, that's right. We got screeners and we started watching them. I would love it if Jason Manzoukas were my neighbor because I think he would be incredible at our next game night. Who I hope it isn't, I'll just say of all of the people I don't need to see me walking the dogs in the sweatpants I slept in, Jon Hamm is at the top of the list. Sarah. Dave: [36:55] But what if you, just to start a conversation, put a giant cucumber in your pants when you walk the dogs? And when you see him and he's like opening his door just to like get the wrapping mail, you're like, huh? Sarah: [37:06] That's a Justin Theroux joint, isn't it? Tara: [37:07] No, it's both of them. I mean, he has said he doesn't care for the speculation about what's in his pants. So I would probably not do that. Dave: [37:16] Okay, that's pretty nice. You're a good neighbor. Sarah? Sarah: [37:19] I hope it is Carrie Coon and Tracy Letts that will help me get one step closer to my literal dream of going on a double date with them. Because I live in the only red congressional district in the amalgamated city of New York, there's a bunch of people that I hope it's not who might be like, oh, Bay Ridge Rowhouse is where I could go in New York to be safe. But Kid Rock is absolutely my biggest fear for a bunch of reasons, most of them involving amplifiers. Dave: [37:49] Randy has our next question. Is there any show that you enjoy rewatching but hate the theme song and skip it? Then in brackets, please don't play any version of the Mindy Project theme. No problem. I will never rewatch the Mindy Project, so it doesn't apply here. Any that your household disagrees about? This question was brought to you by Rewatches of Suits and Justified. and then in more brackets, another parenthetical injection. I am right. Both of these themes are fine. You are not. The Justify theme song is one of the worst theme songs. Sarah: [38:21] Oh, that sucks. Dave: [38:22] Oh, that sucks. Oh, that sucks. Oh, that sucks. Oh, that sucks. Oh, hot mama, hear me, hear me, harp. Tara: [38:26] It puts you in the middle to watch the show. Dave: [38:27] No, it doesn't. Tara: [38:29] I agree with Randy. I think it's fine. Sarah: [38:30] I mean, I'll get back to this. Dave: [38:32] I'm making snow cones. That's what it's like. What is he even saying? He's making snow cones. What does that have to do with shooting people? Nothing. All right. Anyways, Tara, what do you got here? Tara: [38:42] Obviously, the Cheers theme song is untouchable, but when you're watching more than two episodes in a row, you don't need to hear the entire theme song. It's long. Sarah: [38:50] Yeah. Tara: [38:51] Dave. Sarah: [38:51] It is. Dave: [38:52] Oh, well, my answer is I don't usually, brackets, parenthetical injection, hardly ever, control the remote in our house. So I generally live by Tara's rules and I'm not complaining. Don't get your panties in a bunch. And Tara's rules, I think, generally speaking, are watch the credits the first time and then usually never again because time is money. Sarah: [39:13] Skip-a-doodle-doo. Tara: [39:14] Yeah. Sarah: [39:14] Yep, sure is. Dave: [39:15] Unless her hands are full with M&Ms or salad, in which case, sometimes a complaint. Once in a while, an exception is made. I can think of the credits for Warrior we always let go because the theme song is so great. Tara: [39:30] It is. Dave: [39:30] But generally speaking, I abide by the rule of Tara. Tara: [39:34] Look, before we move on, stop making it seem like I'm some kind of tyrant. There's lots of times when I try to give you the remote and say, pick something, and you hide your hands or act like you have no fingers so that you can't do that. So shut the fuck up. Dave: [39:48] Got no fingers. Tara: [39:50] Sarah. Dave: [39:50] I can't watch TV with these stumps. Help, mash, mash, mash. Oh, no, it's on SAP. Sarah: [39:59] You and your head full of salad yeah that's ableist dara justified absolutely would have been my answer to this and we did disagree about it on our couch i hate it and would lunch for the remote when it started and dan was like by the time you find the button that you need it'll be over it's short who cares and i'm like but we were watching like four of these in a row i fucking can't with this twangy guy, Here's an additional one. We don't skip it, and I don't dislike it, but I don't understand why the theme song to the Americans gets stuck in my head. Dave: [40:35] It's that doodoloo quality in the background. Sarah: [40:39] Yeah. I mean, it does what it is trying to do in terms of scene setting quite effectively, but there's no reason for me to be like doodoloo doodoo doodoo in the shower. Just none. Dave: [40:53] Shower? Yeah, it's a little weird. Tara: [40:55] I have a PS. We've just recently started rewatching new girl at bedtime and I don't love that theme song, but to the justified point, it is short. And a lot of episodes have the even shorter version. That's just, who's that girl? It's Jess. So it's like, it's not worth getting my hands out from under the covers to reach out. Dave: [41:13] But once in a while, there is a theme song that is on the short side that you decide is worth your time to try to skip. Then you fuck it up and end up spending three times as long trying to get back to the point where you fucked it up and rewinding. Tara: [41:27] Rarely. Dave: [41:27] It's never not funny to me. Tara: [41:29] All right. Sarah: [41:31] Yeah, Dan loves that when it happens to me, too. Dicks. Dave: [41:34] C. Kent has our last question. What's your favorite cookie? And which character do you believe would cite it as their favorite as well? Tara, your favorite cooking. Who's going to greet you on TV? Tara: [41:47] Homemade all-butter shortbread. Queen Mum from The Crown. Sarah. Sarah: [41:53] Speculose. And Rupert Giles also likes those the best. Dave: [41:56] All right. Well, I'm going to say this in my best Lutz voice from 30 Rock, because I think he would also enjoy it, you know, to annoy everybody else. Sarah: [42:05] Oh, no. Dave: [42:06] You know, so this is his best Blimpies voice. Oatmeal, raisin, cookies. Hard as a rock as well, please. Thank you very much. All right, that's it for us. Let's get to the Ask Ask EHG question for this week. It comes from Erica, who asks you all, what's your favorite vanity-free TV performance? We have a candidate for that. Go to our Discord. Go to the Ask Ask EHG channel. Put your answer there. We'll have a look at them before our next episode. And we'll come back with a winner, and you'll get one of them stickers everybody's been talking about. Hooray! Dave: [42:42] Whoa! It is time for the Tiny Cannon. Presenting this week is our friend Cory. Oh, shit. Cory! Oh my god, I forgot. Cory! Hi, you've reached the Cory Hotline. $4.95 a minute. Here are some words. Tara: [47:34] The point of my submission and inducted into the game show segment, Tiny Cannon. Thank you, Corey. Sarah, why don't you go first? Sarah: [47:41] Thank you, Corey. Thank you for the submission. Thank you for introducing me to the show. I don't know if this is going to be canon worthy for me because there is something about like once it becomes clear that these contestants are going to be able to come up with shit like Rutherfordium or whatever. Even though Corey explained why that would be true and that smart contestants would prep in this way for what tends to be answer pools, that's completely understandable. Quiz shows are prepped for in that way. I like the premise of the show, that it is inverse family feud, like she said, but I also don't feel like it was a ton of stakes or tension, because once it becomes clear that people are able to pull strontium easily, strontium isn't even that obscure, but once you're getting into some of these, like, the atomic number is 3,000, it's like, okay, I'm just not sure... care that much. I wasn't especially compelled, even though the hosts were talking about like, you're watching television history. Am I? Because I'm actually kind of doing another task right now and not paying my full attention to this. So I'm not sure how this plays, but I'm going to let our other panelists talk about it because I think they're more familiar with the show. Dave: [49:08] I'm not. I've watched it once. It didn't really grab me. Somebody explained it as Bizarro World Family Feud, but it's only one part of the show. It's like the first round, and then they do other things, and it wasn't as good. But this show is from the era of the British two-pound show and the 10-pound bag, like the weakest link, right? Where it's like one question, and then like lasers and lights, and you know... Sarah: [49:32] A lot of active thinking. Dave: [49:33] Weird music cues, and then you're back to the next question. If this whole segment took place in the same amount of time as what Corey explained it, then it would be Cracker Jack. But it's not. And like stuff that you don't get, I'm going to play a clip here, is like after everybody gives an answer and then like the pointless meter goes down to whatever their hopefully low score is, then they throw over to like the information desk where there's something, somebody there with a little factoid about whatever. And it stalls it every time. They do it every time. You're like, oh my God, I just get back to the fucking show. So here is that clip. It starts off with a bit you've already heard so you can get the rhythm of it. And it adds 250 pounds to today's jackpot, taking the total up to 1,250 pounds. It scores. Dave: [50:23] What a way to start. Vanadium contains two A's, one I and one U. Vanadium steel alloys are very tough. It was used in body armor in the first world war and in the Ford Model Who knew? I didn't. I didn't know why. We know. That's what we do now. Yes. Even the people involved in the show don't give a shit about the fact that I didn't hear that ending. Dave: [50:46] So that's my problem with this. Like, I appreciate the fact that this was a knowledge run, you know, like they actually did do something as far as the scoring goes that nobody's ever done before. But it takes place over like 10 minutes or something like that or 11 minutes. I guess way too long to actually make it feel dynamic and feel like a sporting event, which is sort of what you want out of this, right? You kind of want it to be, it's the 11th quarter and you got to get 20 baskets to win without the other team scoring. And holy shit, the local sports team did it. Hooray. Like that is the flavor I think you want in this moment, but you don't get it because they're always slowing things down. They're always pausing for things and the lasers have to come up and the blue lights have to come up and all that sort of stuff. Like I'm going to be talking about another game show in a little bit where I'll go off on everything should just be Jeopardy if you like trivia. Yeah, which because it should be. And this show feels like one of them. I love the idea of the format where you're sort of like you are going for the obscureness of things. And I like the idea that this was a lineup where everybody was doing it well. If only the show's production matched all of that, which I think it doesn't. And it ruins it because everything else I agree with. It seems like everybody's having a good time and finally they did it. But wow, this show just starts and stops way too many times. Tara: [52:09] Yeah, I agree with you that it's slow. I will say, as to the factoids, I feel like people who watch this show regularly are probably very good at Learned League. They're picking up a lot of information they might be able to bust out later. Unlike me, who plays Learned League, gets an answer wrong, immediately the right answer falls out of my brain. I do not learn anything from Learned League, what I already know, truly. And I'll also say, you know, this category, like as much the point of it seems to be like, wow, they know a lot of obscure elements, like three different vowels. That's most elements, right? Because so many of them end in EM. That's two right there. Like everyone I could think of just even even the even the major ones like. Dave: [52:56] You know, boron. Tara: [52:58] Yeah. I mean, I guess not oxygen because they specify up top. we're not counting y as a vowel. The thing that bugged me the most watching this segment was the fact that every time you have a do, do, do, do, every right answer, it should get shorter. There should be some mechanism to speed it up because that was the excruciating part to me. Just get to it. I mean, I appreciate that this was a historic moment, and so this is where it gets into tricky philosophical ground because obviously this was an incredible... thing to witness. I can imagine if you watched every episode of Pointless, you were hooting and hollering as this was going on. But for us, who've barely watched the show or never watched the show at all, it's hard for us with no context to separate the incredible gamesmanship from the, flabby production. Dave: [53:57] But the production is such an important part of what's going on here. Tara: [54:00] That's what I just said. It's hard to separate the gamesmanship from the flabby production is what I said before you interrupted me. Dave: [54:06] Well, what I'm saying is I don't think you should discount any of it. I mean, I think as a newcomer, that is how you judge it. Like, how does it play as a whole? Tara: [54:16] Yeah. Sarah: [54:17] Yeah. Either it works or not. Dave: [54:19] Don't need your guff, lady. Tara: [54:20] I don't need your guff. Dave: [54:21] Well, all right. Guff-free zone, then. Tara: [54:24] Great. Dave: [54:25] Great. Tara: [54:25] Guff, zero. Dave: [54:27] Sarah, where are you on guff? Sarah: [54:31] Look guff off okay. Tara: [54:34] You know ultimately I can't disagree with anything either of you said this was an interesting moment that was just stretched out too long like you said Dave if it's a trivia game it should be fast yep. Dave: [54:47] So let's make this official Sarah D. Bunting what say you for the tiny game show segment canon. Sarah: [54:56] Only only one foul in this one I'm sorry to say no. Dave: [55:00] All right. I'm going to say no as well. But what do you think, Tara? Tara: [55:05] Yeah, I love the presentation. This was certainly the most clips I think we've had for a Talony Cannon. And rightly so, because they were needed to make the case. But it's unfortunately a no for me as well. Dave: [55:15] So the periodic table round from Pointless, you're hereby, unfortunately, not inducted into the extra hot, great, tiny game show segment canon. Dave: [55:32] Americans love a winner and will not tolerate a loser. Nope. All right, it's time to discover who is the not-quite-winner and not-quite-loser of the week times three or more. I have two winners for you this week. The first one is Battleship. It's getting a game show adaptation in France. And if you see a picture of the set, it's exactly what you think it is. It's a giant battleship plastic design where there's two teams on the other side of the divider and the people are the battleships and the teams answer trivia questions that if you get it wrong, or rather, if you get it right, then you get to lob a grid coordinate at the other team to see if you can eliminate their players. It's weird to me that everyone feels the need in the game show space to dilute a trivia game down like this. If you're watching a trivia show, are you truly excited to watch people play the battleship part of it? Or are you here for the trivia part of it? If you're here for the battleship of it all, I mean, I'm just going to ask, what's wrong with you? Dave: [56:41] Do the studios and production companies making this stuff hate the habit-forming success of Jeopardy? where it's just densely packed trivia nuggets. Boom, boom, boom, boom. Like there is very little fluff involved. Like that is what you want out of a trivia show. You just want to cram in 40 to 60 to 80 or whatever you can get questions in your 22 minutes. And that's why people watch Jeopardy every fucking day of their lives. And that's why these shows always last one or one and a half seasons and then disappear because they are the worst of both worlds. Either create Wipeout or create Jeopardy. But don't create Jeopardy Wipeout. I know I just said it, and now you're thinking about, hey, how does Jeopardy Wipeout work? How can you ask questions while bouncing on giant red balls? That sounds like a hoot. It wouldn't be. It would not be satisfying in either way. Tara: [57:36] How wrong you are, the quiz with balls has been renewed for a second season already. So, yeah. Suck on that. Dave: [57:44] Yeah. All right. And then our second winner of the week is Common Side Effects. Renewed for our second season at Adult Swim. We just watched the finale here at Austin HQ. Hooray. Great show. I'm sticking with my wild hair prediction that this will be remade as a live action show someday for some streamer. And I think it could work. Tara: [58:05] It would be crazy. Dave: [58:07] It plays so much like it could be a Breaking Bad-esque treatment on it. Tara: [58:13] Yeah, those parts do, but I feel like, I mean, the, not to spoil it, this is, I guess, a mild spoiler, the hallucinatory parts. That's easy to do. Okay. I like it as it is. Dave: [58:24] I like it as it is, too. I'm just saying, I think the DNA of the show lends itself well, and, like, they shouldn't remake it as a live action. I'm not, like, promoting the idea. Sarah: [58:35] No, I think it would be an attractive prospect to try it. Dave: [58:38] Exactly, is what I'm saying. Thank you. Sarah: [58:40] Might not go well, but someone would want to do it. Dave: [58:43] Do yeah all right not quite lose a week ex newlywed star jessica simpson publicly disclosing that she drinks a beverage containing snake sperm for her vocal cords so think about. Dave: [58:55] It for a bit what is your product name for this i'll give you some examples it could be called either sperm or spooge Cottonmouth Scales for scales Anaconda Solatido, And, of course, the Sidewinder sings tonight. Any additions? Sarah: [59:22] Diamond blech. Tara: [59:27] Rattle sip. Dave: [59:28] All right. Sarah, who's your not quite winner? Sarah: [59:30] Garter, I hardly even know her. Dave: [59:32] Sarah, who's your not quite winner of the week? Sarah: [59:34] Spooge is really wrong. My not quite winner is my esteemed colleague, Eve Beatty, and also most of the rest of us, a sequel to Once Upon a Time dot dot dot in Hollywood. It's coming to Netflix from a QT script and starring Brad Pitt and directed by David Fincher. This is Saul Buntnip. I mean, not really the Brad Pitt part, but he was very good in the original. So I am really interested to see where this goes. I like that film a lot. Dave: [1:00:04] Was that just announced? Tara: [1:00:05] Yeah, it was announced this week. Dave: [1:00:07] Oh, I missed that. So wait, it's an actual movie sequel? It's not like a... Tara: [1:00:11] It's a movie. Sarah: [1:00:12] Oh, yeah. Dave: [1:00:13] Crazy. Sarah: [1:00:14] Yeah, not quite loser of the week. I mean, you know, he's always a full loser in our hearts, but Brian Austin Green is back and fanning the flames of his feud with Machine Gun Kelly by IG-ing a text from Kelly telling him, Green, to quit talking to the press about Kelly and Green's ex-wife, Megan Fox. And I'm not picking a side because who fucking cares? and it does seem like Megan Fox can probably take care of herself except for picking life partners which may be not great. Tara: [1:00:47] Well, she broke up with Machine Gun Kelly too so maybe she's improving. Sarah: [1:00:51] I mean, yeah, she did. She did sort of figure it out. Also, baby names, maybe not her biggest strengths but anywho, like Team Machine Gun Kelly, I guess. I don't like siding with people who have neck tats but sometimes needs must. Shut up, Brian Austin Green. You're an idiot. Tara. Tara: [1:01:10] Yeah, no one needed to know this. Like, no one asked. Anyway, my not-quite-winner of the week is Phoebe Waller-Bridge. A couple of years ago, she was in the news for having taken, like, millions of dollars from Amazon and turned it into absolutely no projects. And somehow, despite that, she has renewed her deal with Amazon. So if that means they took the money they were going to spend on Citadel and gave it to her, great. And I hope she continues making nothing for them, because This is a really funny bit. Not quite loser of the week, the Television Critics Association, which has canceled its summer press tour because all of the networks and platforms that had committed in early March to participate had pulled out by the end of last month. So without them paying for it, can't happen. I got an email blast about this yesterday because I am a member, brag. So I'm just going to read from this because I think it's public. Like this has obviously been reported on. So they started having conversations about the tour since last summer. Every network studio on the streaming platform was contacted about presenting. They met with them in early March. They had commitments for six days worth of presentations. Tara: [1:02:21] Later, most of those networks told us the tour was not financially viable for them. Additionally, they had interest from other network streaming services and industry organizations about participating. They all said they couldn't afford the cost. The Television Critics Association board reduced some of those costs by half. So the costs are like paying for the hotel, you know, the banquet room or whatever, where they actually have it and whatever AV equipment is needed. And even with that cut in half, all of them said no. So part of this is like we're in a recession, like it's very obvious and We all know it. Journalists don't have the power they used to. Possibly networks don't either, but it's also probably more likely the networks just did a calculation. We're like, we don't need to do this. We can get as far making our own TikToks and maybe they're right, but this all sucks. So support your local arts journalist because all of this is really fucking grim. And the only way that you're going to ever know if anything that's coming on TV is something you're going to want to watch is if a critic, you know, other than you somehow finding the time to sample everything your own self. Critics, I hope if you're listening to this, they're important to you. So like, pay for journalism. You're already paying for this and we love you for it. But all of this is like so depressing. And I can't imagine after this, if they're going to do a winter tour, like this might be the end of press tour and that would suck ass. Sarah: [1:03:43] Yeah. Dave: [1:03:43] It's a good reminder that nothing is really free. Tara: [1:03:46] Right. Dave: [1:03:46] Yeah. We've gotten used on the internet that things should be free, but they really aren't and the economics are changing so quickly that it's really hard for people that are putting out free content to justify continue doing it because like every time i get a payout from the uh the ad people for the podcast i'm like why is this even on there anymore like why isn't this just like why aren't we charging for everything and just having a club and stuff like that so like and a lot of people are doing that right like a lot of new stuff is either like sub stack or straight to patreon or whatever like that the defector. Tara: [1:04:20] Model of you know. Dave: [1:04:21] Subscriber only yeah i mean and you can't blame anybody for for doing that i mean right there's just a lot of people that are stuck because you know they started in the free model and it's hard to transition or you know whatever so yeah you know if you appreciate something and you want it to stick around and they have a way in which you can pay them some money to do that Like, just like, don't think everybody else is going to do it. Tara: [1:04:44] Right. Dave: [1:04:45] Because it's not the way it works. It's a grind to get people to pay every month for your stuff. It's hard. Sarah: [1:04:52] Just a reminder that if you're listening to this and you were like, oh, well, I actually can't spare the money each month and I'm really going to miss these guys. Just a reminder, we do have the mutual aid vault. We have depositors, we have withdrawals, things are humming along. So if you're having to tighten the belt somewhat, but you did want to keep us around, first of all, thank you. We love you. And second of all, we love the crowd of Anonymous who have made deposits in the vault. So reach out to me, bunting at tomato nation dot com. Or if you're on the Discord, just DM me and I'll get you set up. And same goes for depositors. If you have a little extra, you want to make sure that we can keep going and that your fellow listeners can keep going. Reach out to me. We welcome all transactions. Tara: [1:05:38] And I'll also add, you know, just because the people obviously who are hearing this are more likely than others to already be on board with the idea of paying for media they love and we love you for that. Don't ever be afraid to talk to your friends about this, too, because people don't always understand, like, the economics of how this whole system works. And of course, part of it with the TV networks backing out is like, and this is a big topic on Hacks this season. It's now out of embargo because like, so I can say this part of like the, the, the economics of all of these media companies getting so big that they have to deliver constant shareholder growth is like a terrible model for a company that produces art because that's not how it works. Like if you're making a late night talk show, which is what this season of Hacks is about, you can't just say it has to be a hit in three months or we're going to pull the plug. Like you need time to iterate on it and, you know, practice and try things out and shit. And so like that's part of it, too. So private equity has ruined all our lives for journalists and artists. And that's really the bottom line. It's not it should not be on you to have to cough up your five dollars a month for this. But it kind of is. Sorry. And thank you. Sarah: [1:06:45] Yeah. Tara: [1:06:54] Welcome in, grandpas! It's time for the extra credit. I'm not sure why, but Dave is doing a fully visual-only bit. Dave: [1:07:02] I'm doing a thumb dance! I'm doing my crazy thumb dance! Tara: [1:07:06] Apropos of four. Sarah: [1:07:07] This is what you're missing at the grandpa level. Tara: [1:07:09] Well, I mean, everyone's missing it because he's just doing it on camera, but anyway. Dave: [1:07:15] I don't even know what that was for. Tara: [1:07:17] I don't either. A sudden burst of energy I had to get out via my thumbs. Anyway, welcome. Today's topic comes from me. I'm calling it Bond Issue because... Dave: [1:07:28] I should have had the theme song right now. Tara: [1:07:30] Yep. Dave: [1:07:30] What a fail on my part. Tara: [1:07:32] Indeed. Dave: [1:07:32] Frankly, we don't deserve your $5. Tara: [1:07:34] Don't do it. Geez, Dave. Former Remington Steel. First the Carcassonne scandal last week. Now this. Sarah: [1:07:44] Carcassonne scandal. Tara: [1:07:46] Wow. Anyway, former Remington Steel Pierce Brosnan is back on TV in Mobland or Mobland or Mobland. But in between those roles, as you may recall, he played James Bond for a while. Who should be next, not to be Bond, to be a TV star? We're going to have us all pick a past Bond, and I said if he's dead now, it's fine, and cast him in an existing or imaginary show and then do the same for one of the latest rumored Bonds we may yet see. And the day that I came up with this topic, I was like, where am I going to find a list of all of the people who have been in the mix as possible James Bonds? There was an article on GQ.co.uk that day on Monday. There was a full list of them. And it seriously, I'm not joking. It's like 83 guys. Sarah: [1:08:37] It really is very long. Tara: [1:08:40] It just kept going. It's crazy. Sarah: [1:08:43] Oh. Tara: [1:08:43] So let's do all our pasts. Dave: [1:08:44] Oh, update. Tara: [1:08:45] Update. Dave: [1:08:45] I'm on the list now. Tara: [1:08:46] Wow, Dave. Yep, I did it. Sarah: [1:08:48] 84. Tara: [1:08:49] I hope you get it. You deserve it. Sarah: [1:08:50] Close to the top, too. They have all the British odds makers, odds for these guys. And Dave was like two to three. Dave: [1:08:58] Yeah. Tara: [1:08:59] Crazy. Sarah: [1:08:59] Pretty good. Dave: [1:08:59] Who wants a James Bond with a bad hip? Tara: [1:09:04] He steps into the circle. He like falls over. Sarah: [1:09:09] If I did it, I would absolutely trip over the circle or shoot myself with the gun in the toe. Tara: [1:09:17] That's good stuff. All right. Well, Dave, why don't you tell us who your past Bond is and what they're going to be doing in your imagination? Dave: [1:09:25] All right. Buckle up. Sean Connery, Sean Connery, Sean Connery, Sean Connery, and Sean Connery star in Outside the Actor's Studio, in which Connery leads a roundtable of the characters all the other Sean's Connery passed on in major films. So we got Sean Connery as himself, as the moderator. And then joining him is Sean Connery as Gandalf from Lord of the Rings, a role he turned down. But you cannot pass. And then you have Sean Connery from Jurassic Park as John Hammond. Ah, I'm making dinosaurs. And then you have Sean Connery as both Morpheus and the architect, roles he passed on in The Matrix, and then they offered him the next one in The Matrix Reloaded, and he passed on that too. So, ah, you're in The Matrix. And then Sean Connery... As Dumbledore from Harry Potter. Ah, Sean Moorish or no, Harry. And I don't know what this accent is. I lost it. And then. Sarah: [1:10:37] I don't either. Dave: [1:10:39] And finally. Sarah: [1:10:40] Jolly Roger. Dave: [1:10:41] Sean Connery as the male lead in Pretty Woman. Ah, snap. Tara: [1:10:47] That's him. Dave: [1:10:48] So all of those characters are being interviewed at a roundtable by the actual Sean Connery. And they're all talking about, you know, their lives as those characters from all those blockbuster films that he passed on or what have you. Sarah: [1:11:03] Oh, God. I love it. Dave: [1:11:05] That's my answer. Tara: [1:11:06] Very good. Sarah: [1:11:08] Yeah. Shades of Fame Trackers. Was it Five Carl Maldins? Tara: [1:11:11] Yes, it was Five Carl Maldins. Sarah: [1:11:12] Okay. Oh. Dave: [1:11:14] Yeah. What if Sean Connery went to Baskin Robbins? And they go a little something like this. Oh, you bring an ice cream, I bring a gun. Tara: [1:11:24] Okay. I'll go next. After A Thousand Blows, aka 1KB, we tried out Peaky Blinders, as we mentioned earlier when we were talking about Mobland. It's good. We're still watching. But we have not even made it through one season, so I had to go on IMDb and make sure I was not about to suggest something that actually happened for real. But it hasn't, but it could. I want to see Timothy Dalton in Peaky Blinders. We watched him in Doom Patrol not that long ago. I'm sure he didn't actually do his own stunts or anything, but he still looks great. And at least back then, which was in the late teens into the early 2020s, he was pretty spry, well into his 70s. He's 79 now. So I want to see him as a Murphy family uncle who has mostly retired from crime and into a little genteel pub far from the garrison. But then some old rival steps to him and we find out he can totally still slash an eyeball open with a razor in his cap if the occasion calls for it. And then And he ends up kicking off a Murphy feud with another crime family and killing like a dozen guys by himself. And that would rock. Sarah. Sarah: [1:12:28] I was a little concerned about picking Timothy Dalton, which I also did, because I feel like in the last 15 or 20 years, like, hashtag free Timothy Dalton from the sort of received wisdom that he did the crappiest Bond movies. I feel like that's kind of a hack observation at this point. It really does seem also like he's kind of still around the same age as he was, even though that was the 80s. And I did not know he just turned 79 last month, birthday day before mine. He's always seemed to have a solid sense of humor about how he's tied with Lazenby for the who caresiest James Bond. So in any event, I would like the creators of Dickinson to figure out a six to eight episode reimagining of Gangs of New York, in which Bill the Butcher faked his own death and could then voice over decades of 19th century Gotham organized crime, or Ripper Street, but for New York City. So like Rapalye Street, I guess that would be. It could take on unsolved cases of the city from the days when everything above 34th Street was cow pasture. I do get the feeling Timothy Dalton has a pretty measured Sir Patrick Stewart attitude towards his work, namely that he takes it seriously, but not himself at all. And that would be a pretty good tone to bring to something like that, where it would be historically accurate and interesting, but not too self-serious or high-fiber, and he would get to curse and, you know, razor someone's eyeball, like you said. So that is mine. Tara: [1:13:57] Nice. All right, Dave, what about your possible bonds? Which possible bond did you go with, and what are they going to do? Dave: [1:14:04] All right, so Dev Patel is usually on the outlier list for these sort of things, but I think he would be... Tara: [1:14:10] I'd like to do. Oh, yeah? Dave: [1:14:11] I think he'd be really great as Bond. He's like, I don't know how they're casting this, if they're going to go with a name or it's just going to be somebody out of left field, you know, a lesser known. But if they go for a name, Dev Patel is definitely top of my list. I think he would be really great. Did you see Monkey King, everybody? Monkey King was great. Tara: [1:14:27] Monkey Man. Dave: [1:14:27] Monkey Man, sorry. Monkey Man was great. Tara: [1:14:30] Very good. Yep. Dave: [1:14:31] So to help him get the Bond role, I'm going to write him into Andor as the boots on the ground saboteur and tradecraft expert that shows Cassian the ropes on the finer points of fighting the Empire. And that has to happen in season three of Andor, which this casting just made a thing. So I've also extended the life of that show. So that is my choice. But I do think Dev Patel would be a really great Bond. Tara: [1:14:54] Yeah, I'll go next since I picked him also. By the way, if you have not seen Monkey Man, it is currently streaming on Prime Video and And it is so good. Dave: [1:15:01] It's John Wiki-ish. Tara: [1:15:04] Yes. Dave: [1:15:04] Yeah. Tara: [1:15:05] Yes. It's like John, I was going to say warrior-ish too, because it's set. Like the setting is a very big part of what makes it. So, you know, we've seen him fighting in that. We've seen him do tech stuff in the newsroom, unfortunately. We've seen him being amazing at trivia. What we have not seen is him fucking Sam Reed. And that is a problem for me personally. So I want to see him in season three of Interview with a Vampire. This one is based on the book, The Vampire Lestat, which tells Lestat's whole backstory, including his romance in France with a violinist named Nicky. In the current day, he's a rock star in the 80s. Incredible. I cannot wait to see the season, seriously. But cast Dev Patel. Let us see them immortally bone. We never got to see Manny Jacinto and Amandla Stenberg have sex in The Acolyte. I deserve this. Make it happen. Hmm. Dave: [1:15:57] How about more like Dev Blutel? Sarah: [1:16:01] There you go. Tara: [1:16:05] Sarah. Sarah: [1:16:06] James Blutel. Dave: [1:16:08] Blutel. Sarah: [1:16:09] There were a lot of intriguing Bond-a-bees on that list, and I did not realize James Norton was so heavily favored, never mind in the running at all. Now I think he's perfect and can't unsee it. Dave: [1:16:21] Once again, I have confused James Norton with Graham Norton. Tara: [1:16:25] No, I thought you thought Edward Norton, both of them are different guys. Okay, go on, Sam. Sarah: [1:16:31] Well, this actually dovetails nicely into my selection, and it's nice that you picked the same ones. Because I picked two, because I always get Barry Keegan and Callum Turner confused. It does not help that one of them is with Sabrina Carpenter, or was, I think that was Callum Turner, and then the other one is getting married to Dua Lipa, except maybe that was Callum Turner. Tara: [1:16:55] Yeah, that's Callum Turner. Sarah: [1:16:56] They both have big sensual schnozzes and are well-regarded and may have both been in Masters of the Air, or I only thought they both were because I get them confused. Sensual schnozzes. Yeah, that's the snake sperm product. Dave: [1:17:14] For your sinuses. Sarah: [1:17:17] Sinuses. So I either want them to be in some sort of kaleidoscopic reality Jacob's Ladder situation directed by Laurie Anderson in which they're basically the same character, but sometimes not, and it's never explained. It doesn't make any sense. Or put them both in a reboot of Counterpart. Back me up here, David T. Cole. Dave: [1:17:39] Oh, Counterpart. Yeah. I like that. Yeah, Counterpart never got is due. Feel sorry for that show. Sarah: [1:17:46] I agree. I think it should have lasted longer. And I think that would be visible in a way that the IPs stewards would enjoy. Apparently, this GQ article kept going back to the fact that they want someone in his 30s. And it's like, there's a lot of people on this list that I would that aren't on the list that I would be like, Oh, but what about Donald Gleeson? What about such and so? What about such and so? But if we're working off the list, Let's just lean into my utter inability to tell these gentlemen apart. And counterpart it. Counterapart? Spooge? I don't know what I'm talking about anymore. Tara: [1:18:25] Yep. Great idea. Dave: [1:18:30] Don't know what happened there at the end. That is it for another episode of Extra, Extra Hot Great. We caught plenty. Oh, this makes no sense because I changed the intro. Oh, well, here we go. We caught plenty of fish with our whelks on Mobland. Wait for it. There's a clip at the end. before answering your burning-ass EHG questions like which show needs more tacos and Baby Billy or White Lotus Rick? Corey didn't quite make the pointless case for the tiny game show segment canon. We celebrated those who weren't quite the best and worst of the week and wrapped it all up with a look at TV via Bond actors. Next up, it's Dying for Sex on EHG Prime. Sarah: [1:19:14] Remember, we're listening. Oh, Sharchottery voice, please. I am David T. Dave: [1:19:23] Cole, and on behalf of Tara Ariano. Tara: [1:19:25] Yes, Archie, the piss has been taken. Dave: [1:19:28] And Sarah D. Bunting. And Sarah D. Sarah: [1:19:34] Bunting is dying for sex. I don't even know. I'm so tired, you guys. Dave: [1:19:42] We'll see you next time right here on Extra Extra. Sarah: [1:19:45] My Uncle Tommy used to say, if they're not biting, chuck a whelk on. Dave: [1:19:49] Fish go posse for a cheeky whelk. What? Tara: [1:19:54] Fish go potty for a cheeky whelk. Dave: [1:19:58] Okay, great. Thanks, Britain. All right.