Going Places With The Brady Bunch Hour

Dave: [0:10] This is the Extra Extra Hot Great Podcast, episode 345 for the March 15th, 2025 weekend. I am inexplicable pool David T. Cole, and I'm here with second left foot Sarah D. Bunting. Sarah: [0:29] Do the hustle. Dave: [0:30] And ugly sister Tara Ariano. Tara: [0:32] On your knees again, eh? Tara: [0:45] Welcome to Extra Extra Hot. Great for another weekend. Thank you so much for being here. Welcome new members. We're thrilled you're here. Tara: [0:53] Today, since we just did all four sinnings on the main show, this is not actually a four sinning. We've researched this ourselves. And when I say we, I mean me. I presented a list of options. And I just want to remind everyone before we get into it. We all agreed on this. Okay. We are talking about an episode of the Brady Bunch hour. So on Thanksgiving Day, 1976, producers Sid and Marty Croft decided to press the luck they had had running Donnie and Marie Osmond's variety show and also produce a variety special for the Brady Bunch. The high concept premise is that the Bradys have been selected by ABC to be a regular family with their own variety show. So Mike, Robert Reed, has quit architecture to pursue this opportunity and moved the whole family to the beach in Southern California where their next door neighbor is Mr. Merrill Rip Taylor, a love interest for their housekeeper, Alice, and Bea Davis. We are talking about the episode of this project that aired 48 years ago today, season one, episode four, featuring such luminaries as Charo and the Hudson Brothers. Let's do the Chen check-in, Sarah, should our listeners watch the Brady Bunch Hour. Sarah: [2:16] Dear God, no. Tara: [2:19] Dave. Dave: [2:22] My answer is cursed. Tara: [2:24] It is cursed. I agree. You don't have to watch this. Much as we said, I think about the Paul Lind Halloween special. I'm not mad I watched it, but you know, you don't have to. Dave: [2:33] It did raise the question, what the hell were people doing in the mid-70s? Sarah: [2:36] Well, you know the answer to that, though. Tara: [2:40] Yes, the answer is cocaine. But every generation has its own weird trend in programming and like our present day reality shows would be just as incomprehensible to someone from the 70s as this is to us, probably. I am going to recommend, even if you don't watch this and like you said, you shouldn't, but read the Wikipedia page on the show. It is a real roller coaster. Barry Williams, who played Greg, was in Pippin on Broadway and he quit to do this show. And they made him sing Corner of the Sky from Pippin in the first episode, which is mean. It's just cruel. Sarah: [3:18] There's also a book, which is like magazine size, very sturdy paperback, the kind with the bookmark flaps. And it's called Love to Love You Brady's. Susan Olsen, who plays Cindy in all iterations of Brady Bunchiana, helped to write it. It is extremely detailed. There's a ton of pictures and architectural drawings for the set, memos about why there's a fucking water feature, the poor executive who inherited this project, and then had to go on leave. I mean, she didn't have to, to get married. I mean, I treasure this book and that is worth reading just to sort of get a sense of that mid to late 70s time where there's three networks and like even something garbagio like this will get 50 million eyeballs on it, especially on Thanksgiving. I mean, it's it's really quite a window into variety show culture, I guess. And how estranged we have become from it. Thank God. Tara: [4:21] Yes. Yes. So we may not have much to say about every segment. We're just going to go through it as it aired. So we open up with showgirls, the Croftettes, who are also water ballet practitioners. And there's a pool. Dave: [4:35] They're amphibious. Tara: [4:36] They are. The Wikipedia explains the idea of this was partly because on the Donnie and Marie show, they had an ice rink. So they were like, why not? And then, like, in order for their hair to stay nice underwater, they had to push so much shit in it that the only way to wash it out was with a mixture of, like, Spick and Span and Joy dish soap. So after that, all of the swimmers just, like, wore caps because their hair turned green. It's insane. So we get some showgirls. The opening number with all of the Bradys is Toot Toot Tootsie Goodbye, although these honkies definitely pronounce the D in goodbye, even though it's not a part of the official title of the Al Jolson number. This is what we're doing. I'm going to say real variety of skill levels here in the dancing and performing. I would not have necessarily made the same choices for close-ups as the editor does here because some people are half-assing it and some aren't. Dave: [5:32] Try Cleveland. Sarah: [5:32] Some people don't know where the camera is. Tara: [5:35] The water ballet then incorporates a double trapeze act because why not? Then we get the intro. And again, the idea here is that the actors are playing their Brady Bunch characters as if they're regular people who just fell ass backward into starring in a variety show. So this means there's like sort of a frame story that runs through the episodes. And here it's that everyone thinks Mike is a bad singer and he wants to prove them wrong, which, by the way, was also the frame story in the premiere. So like everyone get off Robert Reed's jock like he knows he's not great. Leave him alone. He's having fun. Improbably. There's jokes about Italian names like Like, Luciana Pavarotti, that's a casserole, har-har, and then introductions. Charo is introduced as the incomprehensible Charo. And I came a little late to the Charo brand. So it's still jarring to me that, like, okay, her whole thing is that no one can understand her when she speaks because of her accent and her malapropisms. And it's, like, it keeps coming up and it's crazy. I mean, it's not because it's the 70s, but yikes. Sarah: [6:34] But then you also forget that that's not really how she started to become famous. Like once she figured out that she could brand successfully, that's what she did. But there is a sequence of her playing the guitar, flamenco style, I believe, and she's very good. And I think that now we sort of understand Charo as like the captain of her own destiny with this often offensive Charo TM conception of her and how much butt cheek she had to show. But this is someone who convinced a judge to lower her age by 10 years, like legally, and made the argument that it was like for economic reasons and like trade and trademark reasons. And the judge was like, that's so insane that I actually agree. Enjoy. Tara: [7:25] Yeah. Sarah: [7:25] Which I think is very fucking cool. The wig that she has on for this particular episode looks like it weighs 30 pounds and you can see all the, you can see the joints. Tara: [7:37] The faces. Sarah: [7:38] It's like that giant skirt Mother Ginger has to wear in the nutcracker. There's like pulleys inside it, but this is what you were dealing with. It's like terrible jokes about cockroaches and pinto beans and shit. And you're just like, oh my God, like understand what countries things are from and then shut up. But 70s. Tara: [7:59] No, it's true. And it seems like getting to play her flamenco guitar number in a tuxedo, which she actually looks incredible in, that's how they got her to wear all of the stuff in the Cinderella segment later on where she's in Daisy Dukes scrubbing a floor with her boobs going every which way. And then in a all silver rhinestone cowboy cowgirl outfit. Yeah. so then we get the start of more of the frame story mike trying to prove he can sing and everyone is rude about it rip taylor as mr merrill stops by to try to mediate the marital dispute between the parents it's all dumb and not funny this is almost the most we see of fake jan because eve plum did not return for this apparently as i learned on the wikipedia not because she didn't want to do it but because it was like they were asking for too many episodes and she didn't want to commit to more than five. So that's why they hired this other lady who everyone calls her fake Jan and she's apparently been like, she's embraced it, made it her own. What else can you do? I support it. Sarah: [9:02] Mm-hmm. Tara: [9:03] So then we get Mike and Charo. Mike is trying to teach himself guitar so he can accompany himself on I've grown accustomed to her face later. Charo stops by and also thinks it's a joke that he's going to sing. She tries to accompany him by putting her arms around him and playing the guitar with him between her and the guitar. And that's when Mr. Merrill and Carol happen upon them and assume the worst. Then Carol singing sorry seems to be the hardest word. The most cheerful rendition of that song I've ever seen, I'll say. Dave: [9:37] What had more Vaseline on? That lens or Marcy the harmonica mouth from 9-1-1 Lone Star? Sarah: [9:44] I think this one. Tara: [9:45] My God. It was a lot. Dave: [9:48] It was a lot. Sarah: [9:49] She looked fine. They could have avoided that issue as well by not consistently pitching the camera at a 45 degree angle on the floor. Tara: [9:59] Yeah. Sarah: [9:59] Because you're also learning really a lot about groin measurements not being taken. They didn't cut from pattern. They just used the measurements. And if anyone gained any weight or had even a semi, it was very evident. And yeah, those costumes. But the camera angle is just brutal, especially when four and a half out of whoever's on stage at the time, four and a half Bradys don't know the steps, are looking in the wrong place, don't know the choreo. Tara: [10:30] Yeah. And if you're doing this as a weekly show, like this is a lot to demand of people who are not all Broadway dancers. Sarah: [10:37] Yeah. I mean, I think Fake Jan had enough going for her in addition to looking enough like Eve Plum that apparently a lot of people just didn't even notice that it wasn't Eve Plum. Tara: [10:47] Yeah. Sarah: [10:48] Florence Henderson could hang. Tara: [10:50] Mm-hmm. Sarah: [10:50] Definitely. Barry Williams could hang. Yeah. And they're trying to cover for their castmates, but apparently Bobby was just absolutely brutalizing and was really trying, but just, I mean, there's only so much you can do. People can sing or they can't. Tara: [11:07] Right. Yes, it's true. And apparently he was the one who wanted to do it so little that he was like, ask for double the money. And they were like, okay. And he was like, oh no. I mean, it got everyone a raise, so that's nice. But yeah, he was apparently so half-assed about it that florence henderson had to like yell at him and got his mind right but you know i'm on everyone's side here there's a speaking of whom there is a cindy bobby bumper where the joke is he says lines and then she repeats them because the joke of her character in this is that cindy's dumb okay then we're back to the frame story carol is bitching to alice about mike possibly cheating on her with charro and she ruins a salad of as dave points out one ingredient just a big bull lettuce that she is tossing too aggressively. Putting too much pepper on, but talks herself out of thinking that anything's going on because if Mike was really serious about Charo, he wouldn't have invited her over for dinner. But then when we see them later, she is sitting alone with Mike on the couch, way too close and with her arm around him. Carol puts on an accent to threaten Charo and then does a whole coochie, coochie, coochie on her way out. And then Mike finds Carol on the deck and reassures her, hey, dummy, you are my love and my coochie, coochie. and that's how they saw it. Dave: [12:25] Doing his best dentist from 30 Rock Impressions. Tara: [12:27] Totally. Sarah: [12:28] Oh my God. Tara: [12:31] And then he sings, I've grown accustomed to her face. And the last line of it is like, sung except for I've grown accustomed to her face. It's very strange, really weird choice. I know he's self-conscious, but wow. And to be fair, he is not a great singer. Sarah: [12:48] No. But he was like super excited to do this. He was. This like frame story about him not being able to sing is, I think, like once you know that he refused to be in the last episode of the show proper because he had like 14 pages of notes for Sherwood Schwartz on realism. But then this opportunity comes up and he is the first one in the door and is like, I'll do it for free. And everyone's like, Robert Reed is such a sort of tragic figure to me. Yeah, it's really true. And this perm, oh God, it's just really a lot. And most of it is mysterious at best. Tara: [13:30] True. Then we get a medley of songs about bands like Strike Up the Band, 76 Trombones, etc. Very aggressive dancing. I'll say Maureen McCormick, who plays Marsha, is pretty good at the dancing as well. She's fine. Sarah: [13:43] Mm-hmm. Tara: [13:44] Then the aforementioned the Cinderella spoof, it is called The Story of Cindy Ella. Charo is playing Cindy. There is boob-intensive floor scrubbing, as I said. The narrator says she was a lovely person, but she had a language problem. No, she doesn't. The joke is that she can't go to the Rhinestone Cowboys hoedown. Alice is her fairy godmother and sets her up with the whole silver suit. So then, and this is where I want to just remind people a third time, The Bradys are playing themselves as Bradys, right? So when we go to the ball, Marsha's coming in as diamond something. She hits on the rhinestone cowboy, Blue is Peter. Her brother, I mean, Step, but still, like, the whole point of the show is, like, they call each other's non-biologically related parents dad and mom or whatever. Like, we're supposed to think they think of themselves as siblings, and here they are doing a sexy scene. It's uncomfortable. Sarah: [14:41] Yeah. There's also in this scene in particular, there are a lot of references to things that like a variety show audience at that time that's like our age, that would have been our age now. Tara: [14:53] Yeah. Sarah: [14:53] They're making all these references to like older variety shows or like radio and Opry shit. Like Andy Davis, she clearly is not happy to be there. Apparently, she and Rip Taylor did not get along at all. Her whole born again situation did not line up with rip taylor's anything sure or that was how it was put in the book but this is like a very overt mini pearl imitation that she's doing and then barry williams is doing a john wayne thing which is like this is like enough generations or like photocopies removed for us that i'm not even sure why i know that that's happening like what howdy like why do i know what mini pearl is even i am not that old you know keeping that in mind if you do choose to watch this is like a lot of these references just fell into place for people who would have been watching it then even if it's not done well it has a internal logic to it that it won't for us because we're too young. Tara: [15:55] Yeah for sure also a lot of the i mean the songs kicking off with toot toot toot goodbye tells you a lot about what you're gonna hear i mean there's several different mid-century Broadway standards. Plus, sorry seems to be the hardest word, poorly interpreted. Anyway. Sarah: [16:10] Yeah. Tara: [16:11] Cindy and the rhinestone cowboy end up getting married after there's a boot recovery, of course. And then we get a Peter Gregg bumper where apparently it's a runner that Gregg always bumps Peter into the pool and he keeps saying he won't do it, and then he does. And then there's the Hudson brothers who Dave discovered also had a variety show of their own. Sarah: [16:31] Yeah. Dave: [16:31] The Razzle Dazzle Hour. Tara: [16:33] Oh, boy. Great. Great title. They are performing without mics. At first, I thought their guitars weren't plugged in either, but then a closer shot shows they are. This is intercut with pre-tape Hudson Brothers goofing in the pool in old-timey turn-of-the-last-century swimsuits. Sarah: [16:50] Bathing costumes. Tara: [16:52] Exactly. Disco lady number. Got it. Then the theme of the finale number is places, and that's a medley of songs about places. You got Chicago, California Dreamin', a song about Indiana, which like who cared enough about Indiana to write a song about it? No offense, Indiana, but you know it's true. Do You Know the Way to San Jose, San Francisco, Philadelphia Freedom, which also implicates the Hudson Brothers, America from West Side Story, Charo does that one. Sarah: [17:19] Big D, don't forget, Rip Taylor and Anne B. Davis having to sing about Big D. Tara: [17:25] Okay, I missed that one, thank you. Dave thought he heard them spell out Dallas. I totally could not. Sarah: [17:29] They did. It was a different time. Tara: [17:33] And then it's the very end. Just for the record, the kids want everyone to know they think Mike is very special and very talented. And if not for Mike, there wouldn't be any Brady Bunch Hour because without Mike, there wouldn't be any Brady's. And then they sing the closing number, which is United We Stand. And that's the Brady Bunch Hour. Again, a very weird experience. It is always just kind of jarring to see, like, this is what entertainment used to be like when we were children. Sarah: [18:04] Even if every executive in the room, and there were, like, a dozen in early November of 1976, even if every single person with their hand on the checkbook is like, this is bad, they had to just finish it and put it on the air because there was nothing else. You couldn't run a test pattern, so. Tara: [18:24] Yep. Well, you might be better off just putting on a test pattern and reading the Wikipedia entry. Sarah: [18:30] I, yes, agree. Tara: [18:32] For the historical curiosity of it all. Dave: [18:43] All right, everybody. It's time for a little excitement with the best theme show on Earth called Ask EHG. All right. No judgments this week. So we'll get right into your questions. First one is from Diatho. Bob wants you to crap a burger based on your favorite show when you were in grade eight. Sarah, Bob's Burger's burger of the day based on viewing habits when you were in grade eight. Sarah: [19:21] I wasn't actually watching or allowed to watch that much TV at this time. And my favorite show was the Golden Girls, and I tried to find a non-corny way to incorporate the signature dish of that show, cheesecake, into a burger. It wasn't really possible, except if you have extra cheese on the burger and then use pie crust as the bun. So here is my cheat. I'm going to just do my usual veggie burger, lettuce, tomato, mustard, extra provolone, but here's how the show ties in. I will be eating it while wrapped in 170 yards of fabric as a napkin in homage to Dorothy Spornack. Tara: [20:00] Dave. Dave: [20:01] So this isn't exactly lined up with grade A, but we're just going to go with it because I'm really bad with yours. So mine is I love it when a plant comes together from the A-team. Beat-centric with black bean and brown rice veggie patty on a chive butter washed ciabatta bun with baby arugula, tomatoes, and pickles. That is I love it when a plant comes together, Berg. Tara: [20:22] I love it. Inspired by a different world, it is the Denise Eatable, not Denise Huxtable. It is topped with bacon, egg, and cheese. She's from New York. It's also got a slice of local Virginia country ham since the show's set in Virginia. This is not a heart-healthy burger, but, you know, you can have it once in a while. Speaking of which, there's just a light dusting of Adderall because Denise was always very bad at her classes. And it comes with as many sides as you want since Denise was a real fashion maximalist. Dave: [20:51] Portland orc the first has our next question no tv watching experience fills me with more violent palpable rage than hearing a character's alarm going off when they have the same alarm sound as me what is your biggest tv watch rage inducer on behalf of the late great gordon lightfoot who was an 80 pound dane pointer mix who was scared of the iphone's incoming text sound and let me tell you when you watch tv these days there's a lot of that i'm gonna go with that i'll be angry on his behalf because he was a very big boy who was very scared of Sarah. Sarah: [21:26] Say hello when you pick up the phone. Have a sign off when you hang up. You are not Camden's. You are not monsters. Say hello and goodbye on the telephone. Shitty phone etiquette. No. Tara. Tara: [21:38] That was a good part of the recent Kroll show canon pitch we had. Bobby Bottle services mom when he's like, go for Bobby. What happened to hello? Sarah: [21:48] Go for Bobby. Tara: [21:50] Mine is misuse of begging the question, and it happens all the time. I know that phrase is hard to explain. Just don't use it. That's my best advice. Sarah: [22:01] Yeah, just say raises the question. Exactly. That's what you mean 98% of the time. Tara: [22:05] Yep. Dave: [22:05] Alicia, I've been re-listening to old episodes. In early February 2020, Dave and Tara talk about an upcoming trip to Kenya for a safari. Did you make it there before the world shut down? Not before, during the world was shutting down. It was starting to shut down. We didn't know it, but it was there. We weren't like, you know. Tara: [22:27] It didn't affect us. Dave: [22:29] Well, you know, knowing what we know now, there's a lot of signifiers that it was happening around us. We were just blissfully unaware of it. Tara: [22:36] That's true, we were. Dave: [22:37] Yes. Sarah: [22:37] Yeah, I think you guys got back and then I went to Florida for a few days to see my parents. And that was a thing where like I got back and was like, lock the door of the state behind me. You shouldn't come. Tara: [22:48] Yeah. Sarah: [22:49] Because, like, shit's going down in New York. Little did I know. Dave: [22:52] Right. Sarah: [22:53] The tables would turn. Tara: [22:54] Yeah. I mean, I'll say it was the last few minutes before the world shut down. Before we left, we had to get a bunch of immunizations. Do you remember this? We had to get our shots for, like, malaria and yellow fever and stuff. And when we went to the hospital. Sarah: [23:05] I remember that. Tara: [23:06] The nurse who was giving it was like, and there's also this other thing. You've probably read about it. They're calling it COVID-19. Most of the cases are here at that time because it was January. They were, like, you know, in China. And that was kind of it. So she was like, you'll be fine. We got a couple of drive by no touch temperature checks in smaller airports. But when we went to Dubai, like nothing happened. That's that was where we crossed through. Except I remember there and in Houston, another place that we changed planes, they were sold out of hand sanitizer. That was that was starting. And then so I had a big week of catching up on everything. Like I went to the doctor, dentist haircut, got my fingerprints taken at USCIS for my citizenship application. and then like the cleaners came on March 12th and then that was the last time we saw them for a while. So like everything we did to resettle after we came back was like, well, glad I did all that while I could. Dave: [23:59] Yeah, glad it timed out because that trip was really great. Tara: [24:02] It really was very special. Dave: [24:03] But like just a couple of weeks later probably would have been canceled, so. Tara: [24:06] For sure. Sarah: [24:07] Or you'd still live there. Tara: [24:08] Yeah, my parents were supposed to retire in April and go on like a huge cruise in Asia and like, you know, needless to say, Not only did that the trip not happen, but they also ended up staying on for like almost a whole other year to help the university where they worked through all of the transition. So, yeah, crazy time. We were so lucky. Dave: [24:26] All right. It's time for a banana fall down story corner. Sid asks, could we hear the banana split slip story if it's not too traumatizing for Sarah? Sarah, what say you? Sarah: [24:36] Thank you for your concern. I think there was a line about this outfielder in the mid-80s. He played for the Cardinals and Father of Sabermetrics, Bill James, is like, this guy is so clumsy that he's found a lot of different ways to fall down and then pop right back up and run after the ball. He was just a terrible, terrible fielder, but he had learned to adapt. So this kind of thing is not traumatizing for me to talk about because I find some avant-garde way to fall down daily. Unfortunately for everyone this is just not that much of a story i was walking my dog bear he towed me over towards a tree well there was a banana peel next to it that i saw too late and the next thing i know it's nadia coleman ouchie on the sidewalk i was just doing the splits and bear like wandered off just knew something and that was that i'd heard for a few days but again like that outfielder accustomed to falling down and then just recovering for a few days. Good news, though. I have a bunch of stories like this that are better than that one, including number one, Dive Bar Barstool Dominoes. Number two, The Nickel Incident. If you would like to vote amongst yourselves on Discord on which one you want. Sarah: [25:51] To hear next, I will be here eating ibuprofen like it's candy. Dave: [25:56] Book girl asks did anyone ever actually win the great american pop culture quiz show by just the half point yes i think twice and one of them was a championship so somebody won the whole season based on the half wow that did happen and i remember being very happy for dan casino because of the statistical outlierness of it all i think he was pleased by that tomka has our last question for us. Correct me if I'm wrong. I think Dave mentioned having a crush on Florence Henderson. Tara: [26:25] You are wrong. Dave: [26:26] So I googled her and I started to seriously doubt young Dave's taste. Yes, you remember wrong. That is absolutely not the case. Tara: [26:32] No, it was Mandrake who submitted the Paul Lynn Halloween special because she's in that as well. Dave: [26:39] Yeah, maybe, but I think she's confusing the porno thing I was creating with Florence Henderson in the Westin Oil. I think maybe that's where she's getting it from. But that was, as we say in the business, a bit. All right, but here's the actual question. Watching older TV shows, I often wonder how distinctive hairstyles and fashions were perceived at the time. Carol Brady's hair looks ludicrous to me, but it must have been quite stylish back then. What kind of hairdo would she sport in a 2025 remake? Florence Henderson's hair today. What do you got? Tara: [27:10] She would have beachy waves like every single other woman on TV, by the way. It's such a bummer because I went to look up the original Racked reported story on why beachy waves were the official hair of women in television in the mid-teens. That story is just gone because Racked doesn't publish anymore. I linked that story so many times. I found the USA Today right around about it, which I will link in the show notes. But R.I.P. Racked, that sucks. Sarah? Sarah: [27:38] Well, first of all, Carol's later season's hair looked ludicrous to us as well. I mean, watching it in late 70s and the reruns, the flip era, there's a whole, I'm like steeped in ancillary Brady Anna, but like for the first season, she was wearing a wig because she had some kind of very short Mia Farrow crop the first season, but the network was like, nah. And then it was kind of normal, and then she had that insane flip. I don't know when that was stylish. It was a two-month period in the early 70s. I do think that everyone would just have that lob with the wavy lob that is easy to replicate from scene to scene today. But the other aspect is the mermaid dye, like bright blue or bright green ends or like neon colors. I think that would be the hair signifier of this era. Not that the continuity editor wants anything to do with that shit, but it would be a time marker, I think. Dave: [28:36] This is not a 2025 style. It's more of a 2021 style, but I would love to see Florence Henderson with the one side of your head shaved down to the roots and then the flop over on the other side that everybody had. If you were supposed to be an action-y female character, you had to have that cut, and I feel like that's what we should have Florence Henderson in today. Also, it's going to be hard because she's dead. Ask Ask EAC time. It comes from Anne with an E. You've gotten the opportunity to compete on America's Best Dance Crew with a crew of some of your favorite TV characters. What's the name of your crew? Who are you dancing with? And what is your team gimmick? Put all those things down in our Ask As EHG channel. We'll be back soon with judgment on that and award them stickery prizes. Dave: [29:31] This is Marcia. Please stay tuned for the second half of our show. If you had a show, we'd stay tuned for yours. Dave: [29:38] Oh, that tiny and also very fast music can only mean one thing. It is time for the Tiny No-Neck, the inverse of the tiny canon, talking about something real bad and real small on television. Today's submission comes from our good buddy Sean. The original Saved by the Bell was a mediocre kids show that was beloved by some, The message is clear. Drugs are bad, kids. Go play outside. I submit this for the tiny nonac of. Tara: [33:09] Teen drug depictions. Thank you, Sean. Sarah, what do you think? Sarah: [33:15] I actually, in my notes, was like, wait, this is a nonac? Dave: [33:18] Yeah, me too. The first order of business. Because isn't this a really great depiction of teen drug use? Tara: [33:27] Yes. I mean, to me it is. Dave: [33:29] Yeah, not accurate, but great. Like, it's good. We're enjoying it. Tara: [33:32] Yes. No, but not only that, it's like a legendary TV moment. Like, even people who don't know anything about Saved by the Bell know about this episode. Dave: [33:39] Yeah. Sarah: [33:40] They know about this. Yeah. The acting is dreffle by everyone. But that's part of the reason that, like, there is something sort of, like, touching about it now. Partly because the acting, like, everyone in the scene, they improved later. But nobody present is equipped to deal with this level of emotion. It is absolutely iconic. But the other thing is like this show, while it is iconic for nostalgic reasons, like it's not like it was ever great. And this was a clunker. Like this was kind of, of a piece with the extremely earnest, corny budge looking show that people loved. Like you do a family member podcast. Imperfections and all. So I'm not quite sure what to do with it on an administrative level. But the presentation was excellent. This is extremely bad and simplistic and screechy, but it's also very enjoyable. And all you have to say, Jesse and caffeine, and people know exactly what you're talking about. Tara: [34:48] So I'm interested. Sarah: [34:49] To hear what the rest of the panel thinks about the classification issue and maybe we should just like flip it to the other side of the fence because you know it's not done well but it's lasted so long that. Tara: [35:04] I'm just. Sarah: [35:04] Not sure how you know which side of the coin is it supposed to be tara speak on it. Tara: [35:10] Yeah i i mean i agree with you and it's hard in moments like this where the piece of content that we're considering is like sort of campy to, I mean there's sort of like the canon and the nonac those distinctions melt away it's like when we talked about the is this because I'm a lesbian moment where it's like right that's it's great but it's terrible but it's great and that's how I feel about this as well this feels like the same sort I mean it's very different but it feels like the same sort of thing where it's like I this is it's part of tv history like I don't think I can say it's nonac worthy when it's it's you know it's For me, it's on the Mount Rushmore of teen drunk depictions, honestly. I see where Sean's coming from. The show is not good. But even in his own presentation, he was saying how meaningful it was to him at the time. Informative. I mean, and the idea that you were scared that caffeine pills would be something you needed to keep an eye out for. I get that. And we've all had those things in pop. I mean, the joke on social media is always like quicksand. But caffeine pills are the quicksand of teen drugs. Is very funny to consider. So, yeah, I mean, I don't object to the presentation or the pitch. I just think it's been misclassified. Dave. Dave: [36:25] Yeah, I kind of come to that as well. Sarah: [36:29] Well, should we just, like, refile the motion now and vote that way? Dave: [36:33] Well, let's figure that out. Poorly done based on what they were trying to go for in the writer's room on the set, right? This is... A creative team that is ill-equipped for what they want to bring to the table, which you can like, obviously, like this was supposed to be at some point in its journey as a piece of content, a harder take. Like it wasn't caffeine pills and it was just I slept in. Oh, no, there was supposed to be more to it. And then, you know, the edges got rounded and blah, blah, blah. So even from that, you know, like we're already working from a deficit as far as like what it was supposed to be. But the actual depiction, like, it is not good as, like, a teen drug depiction goes, but it's good as a TV teen drug depiction goes. And so far, that's incredibly entertaining. It succeeds because it fails. Whereas I think the nonac is more like you failed at doing something you usually do well. Tara: [37:34] Yes. Dave: [37:35] Right? Yes. And I think this is kind of typical for Saved by the Bell. It is like, we've got two hours to bang this out. Everybody get ready. Here we go. It's almost a soap opera kind of filming schedule in that regard, I think. They're not spending a lot of time here on the set of The Max to get things absolutely right. So I feel like this probably should have been enjoyable canon teen drug depiction sort of scheme. And I don't think it really holds up as a no-nag. Tara: [38:04] Yeah. Dave: [38:05] I think he's absolutely right in everything he said, except how we classify it. Tara: [38:08] Yeah, completely. Dave: [38:11] Here's my pitch we put it in twice we say no to the nonac but we're also going to say yes to the canon I. Tara: [38:17] Think that's fine oh Julie somewhere is seething oh everything gets into the tiny canon. Dave: [38:23] But not everything did because it's both in and not in and. Tara: [38:27] Not in, yeah. Dave: [38:31] Alright so let's put this to the official vote now remind you Sarah you have to vote on whether it is canon worthy and nonac worthy So here we go. Saved by the Bell, Jessie's Song is what we're talking about. Jessie's Meltdown moment. Sarah, tiny cannon worthy for teen drug depictions. Sarah: [38:49] Yes. Dave: [38:49] Tiny no-knack worthy. Sarah: [38:51] No. Dave: [38:52] Tara, tiny cannon worthy. Tara: [38:54] Yes. Dave: [38:54] Tiny no-knack worthy. Tara: [38:56] Alas, no. But thank you, Sean, for the pitch. Dave: [38:58] All right. So I agree. So here we go. First, we have... Jesse's Meltdown from Save the Bell, you are hereby inducted into the Extra Hot Great Tiny Teen Drug Depiction Cannon. So also, that means that unfortunately, you are hereby not inducted into the Extra Hot Great Tiny Teen Drug Depiction Nonac. I think we got that all straight. Yes, great. All right. Settled. Dave: [39:40] We put aside not quite winners and losers of the week to give you our not quite top 11 lists, or in my case, not quite top 16 lists. I will go first with not quite top 16 TV show titles that sound like bad porn. We're back. Letters B and J edition. Fantastic. So we're going to go two letters this time. Here we go. Backyard Blitz. Bag Puss. Tara: [40:03] Oh, no. Sarah: [40:05] Oh. Dave: [40:06] From Britain. This is a children's show, I think? Tara: [40:08] I think that's right. Sarah: [40:09] Yeah. Dave: [40:10] Bath Crashers. Bath Crashers. The Beachcombers. A little something for you Canadians. Beef. Better Off Ted. Bones. Bucket and Skinner's Epic Adventures. Bug Juice. Bumper Stumpers. Bird Notice. Moving on to the Jays. Jabberjaw Jackie Chan Adventures, Oh I don't know what that means Jake and the Fat Man Uh-huh And the one show to tie it all together BJ and the Bear Yeah. Sarah: [40:55] Sure Well done Hello I'd like to share Not quite 11 Other TV Brady's That probably would have made The Brady Bunch Hour Even worse Number one Steve Brady of And Just Like That Unfortunately, his hearing loss would make it challenging for him to harmonize or to respond to cues. Number two, Super Bowl champion Tom Brady, who since his retirement from the NFL has proven something of a disappointment on a microphone, allegedly, and that's all I'm going to say. Number three, Wayne Brady, a far superior performer to most in the original bunch who will nevertheless end up quitting the show when it never gets any better slash producers won't let him do an improv segment, leaving the production in even further shambles. Number four, James Brady, as played by Bo Bridges in Without Warning, colon, the James Brady story, since the last thing you want in a sparkly variety program is an active shooter. Sarah: [41:52] Number five, anyone who played Ian Brady in a reenactment for British TV about the Moores murders, because the second to last thing you want in a sparkly variety program is a child killer with bad teeth. Number six, Matthew Harrison Brady, the biblical orator of Inherit the Wind, as portrayed by Kirk Douglas in a 1988 television film. If you think that dude is freaking out about Darwinism, wait until he finds out people are dancing and doing poppers. Side note literally everybody was in this shit including darren mcgavin and kyle secor. Sarah: [42:27] Anywho number seven any of the many brady violations committed by jack mccoy alone on law and order famous original number eight beau and hope williams brady of days of our lives who will gum up rehearsals with all the melodrama not to mention doubling the makeup budget number nine millie brady of the last kingdom who will insist on including middle english murder ballads on the set list. And finally, as much as I love him, my husband and light of my life, Dan Patrick Brady, who looked pretty cute in bell-bottom formal wear, but can't carry a tune in a bucket. Sorry, I cleared this with him. Tara: [43:09] In honor of the Brady Bunch Hours guest star, I have not quite top 11 TV highlights from Charo's journey through pop culture in the 20th and 21st century. These are presented without comment, but I am counting down from the least best to the most best. Number 10, Jane the Virgin. Number nine, Dean Martin's celebrity roast of Gabe Kaplan. Number eight, The Tortellis, the spinoff of Cheers. Dave: [43:39] Oh, wow. Tara: [43:40] Number seven, Chico and the Man, in which, by the way, she plays Aunt Charo. Number six, Bob Hope's all-star comedy spectacular from Lake Tahoe. Number five, RuPaul's Drag Race. Number four, Christmas at Pee-wee's Playhouse. Canon inductee, I believe. Number three, The Carol Burnett Show. Number two, Sarah. Bob Hope's salute to the 75th anniversary of the World Series. And number one, the most Troy McClure-ass item on this list, Perry Como's Easter in Guadalajara. Sarah: [44:14] And is real damn. Tara: [44:28] Welcome in, grandpas. Some of what you missed. We went beat by beat through the Brady Bunch Hour episode featuring Charo and the Hudson Brothers. We answered questions about our trip to Kenya. We're glad you're here for this segment, which I'm calling TV's Most Important Attacking Animals. We are pre-taping this episode, so we are at a disadvantage relative to all of you. Unlike you, we have not yet experienced the Dr. Odyssey spring premiere, which revolves around a shark attack. But for humans, to be menaced by animals is an evergreen motif. And I've asked my co-hosts to arrive with at least three instances of TV animals coming at TV humans with violent intent. We can just go around the horn. I'll start. And I'll put the link in the show notes, but there is a 9-1-1 episode where some scorpions end up in a food truck. Excuse me. It's Lone Star. This is, I believe, during the volcanic explosion episode. They're just trying to survive. They shouldn't be in a food truck, though. And the clip is completely horrifying. My memory was that it was spiders, and that would have been bad enough. But scorpions, I'm sorry, are worse. Don't eat there. C grade for that food truck. Dave. Dave: [45:48] My first one is from the X-Files, season three, episode 18, Tezo dos Bichos. I don't know. It's Portuguese. Apologies to our Portuguese listeners. Sarah: [45:57] Yeah, I had this on my list. Dave: [45:58] Oh, did you? All right. So this is the episode where at the start of the episode, an idol is removed from a tribe somewhere in Ecuador and it ends up in a Boston museum and all the cats in the area start turning on humans, dragging them into sewers somehow, eating them and whatnot. Sarah: [46:14] Oh, no. That's not the one I had in mind. Dave: [46:16] Not big cats. Just. regular house cats yeah they dozens of them unconvincingly chase molder and scully through the sewers towards the end clawing their way through like wood doors and all sorts of stupid nonsense it is so bad this episode is terrible it is sort of infamously terrible as well because they just couldn't get the cats to do anything they wanted on set so all like the cat menacing is just like moving the camera around on cats that are just like licking their crotch and shit like, just shaky cam shit all the time just to try to hide it. Sarah: [46:52] Scring, scring, scring, yeah. Dave: [46:52] The director, Kim Manners, actually created t-shirts that said I was a Tesso dos Beachos survivor and handed them out to all the people that were on that episode. Tara: [47:03] Mm-hmm. Dave: [47:03] The episode had to be rewritten at the last minute because the cats weren't doing anything they wanted to but also they didn't know that Jillian Anderson was very allergic to cats Oh. Tara: [47:17] No! Dave: [47:17] Oh, that was great as well. So everybody had a good time on season three, episode 18, where the cats attacked humans, but not really, but they did in the show and it was quite terrible. Tara: [47:31] Sarah. Sarah: [47:32] I will keep that, the one that I actually thought you were going to say, from the X-Files, in reserve. For later, my first one, this is probably a little hack to mention, but it does go with our main topic, the Brady Bunch hour. Tiger and Fluffy actually sort of menacing each other, but then rampaging through the wedding in the pilot or premiere episode of the Brady Bunch. Just knocking shit down, cake crashes to the floor, people are covered in wedding food, and then Fluffy was disappeared for that. So that is my first one. Back to you, Tara. Tara: [48:10] Oh, Fluffy. We miss him. My next one is from the Simpsons episode where Homer fears that Bart is gay because he's just met and spent time with his first ever gay person, played by John Waters. In order to straighten Bart out, Homer decides they're going to go hunting. It is not hunting season. So they go to an out-of-season Santa's Village theme park and tell Bart to go shoot some of the live reindeer. Doesn't go out that way. Instead, Homer ends up in the middle of all of the reindeer getting beaten from all sides by them. And when Marge joins them later and hugs him, she says he feels funny and he says, I've been tenderized. So we'll include that clip as well. That's my number two, Dave. Don't look at the dogs, work the lock. Dave: [49:15] As planned. Sometimes it doesn't. That is Thomas Magnum doing a security check in the pilot of Magnum P.I., where he's trying to break in and steal the Ferrari as a test for Robin Master's security system on the premises. And he barely gets in as the lads, the Dobermans that Higgins has, chase him to one inch of his life as he's trying to get into the Ferrari. Tara: [49:42] Amazing. Sarah. Sarah: [49:44] The 12th season premiere of Law & Order, Tackley named Who Let the Dogs Out, in which Pitbull owners, played by Melissa Leo and Bruce McCarty, end up getting charged with manslaughter when their dogfighting champion Pitbull King gets loose and attacks a lady in the park. Everything about this episode is just extremely sad and upsetting. And if, like I do, you live in a neighborhood with a bunch of pity mixes who are fine and whose owners are doing what they're supposed to be doing. And then there's that one guy with the studded collar that doesn't really work, who hasn't had the dog fixed. And you're like, this is going to be bad for someone's face, I fear. Yeah this episode is uh not one that they tend to re-air that much and i think that's a good thing but i uh i do remember that one because it is based on a real case and the book about that case was written by aphrodite jones like of all of all people it's called the red zone i think it's it's terrible anyway um people dog fighting is bad in case in case we were in doubt about that But you know what's even worse is the Law & Order PSA about it, actually, because Elizabeth Rome is trying to act. Tara: [51:03] Oh, geez. If I recall correctly, that was the season premiere in 2001, because I think you were living in Toronto then, and I think we all went to a premiere viewing party at Nikki and Josh's place. Sarah: [51:16] Yeah, that could have... I don't remember that part, but you're right about 2001. Yeah. Well, I mean, who let the dogs out? Yeah, they started instead of the usual, like, these are their stories opener. Zern Kilton had to read, like, we dedicate this episode to the people of the city of New York. And then there's just like a rampaging pit bull, like, I don't know. Tara: [51:37] Yeah. All right. My last one is, I mean, it's violent intent in a sense. This is a moment in the Larry Sanders show that every time they have to do a best of Larry or any kind of anniversary, it comes up again. It happens before the events of the actual series. Like it's such a legendary moment, even in within the lore of the show within the show that it keeps coming up. It is the moment when Larry welcomes, I believe, Joan Embry from the San Diego Zoo and has a monkey guest and the monkey runs forward and grabs Larry by the nuts. He does a whole take, curls his back in. It's really, really funny. And every time I see it, I'm glad to see it again. This is why late night shows have animals on so they can act out in ways like this. Dave. Dave: [52:28] All right. So this is something I just came across in my travels trying to figure out what I was going to do for my three picks. So this is new to me. And we all enjoyed the Bebo God of War episode of Legends of Tomorrow when we had to watch it. And this episode of the same show with a time-traveling, super-intelligent gorilla named Gorilla Grodd going back to the 70s sounds equally bizarre. Pardon me, Captain Lance, but we are receiving an urgent call from Mr. Hunter. You good? Obama, it will almost be an honor to kill you. So that's a giant gorilla going back in time to kill Barack Obama while he's still at college. Legends of Tomorrow. Tara: [53:28] Sarah, take us home. Sarah: [53:31] I had a couple that I kept in reserve in case other people had picked them, including the dogs who are never seen but menace literally everyone during Woody and Kelly's wedding on Cheers. Tara: [53:40] Yes. Sarah: [53:41] The alligator that attacked me personally by eating Scully's Pomeranian on the X-Files. I thought that's what Dave was going to say in his first one. But my last one is actually Jamie the Hamster on the boys. Riddled with Compound V, he batters a hole in his containment area, attacks a soldier, and basically eats the dude's head from the inside out, which allows Frenchie to escape. But then Jamie the Hamster also escapes and is As far as I know, we don't, like, he's just still out there. Dave: [54:15] The next spinoff. Sarah: [54:16] Cracking skulls. Tara: [54:18] Yep. Dave: [54:18] Gen H. Sarah: [54:19] I'd watch it. Dave: [54:20] Yeah. Tara: [54:21] Same. Dave: [54:21] Just because nobody said it is obviously a big one. I'm going to just, I've never seen it, but I know all about it. The cougar attack from 24. Tara: [54:28] Oh, yeah. Sarah: [54:29] Oh, yeah. Dave: [54:30] So we don't get angry letters. Don't want them angry letters. Dave: [54:34] And that is it for this episode of Extra, Extra Hot Great. We dipped our toes into the Brady Bunch Hour pool before answering your burning Ask EHD questions like, What's your 8th grade TV Bob's Burger? And what on TV makes you rage? Sean staying up all night perfecting his Save by the Bell caffeine pills pitch for the first tiny teen drug depiction. No knack didn't pay out, but it certainly paid out when it came time for the tiny teen drug depiction canon. We celebrated those who weren't quite the best and worst of the week, and we wrap that all up with a look at TV's most important, attacking animals. Remember, we're listening. I am David T. Cole, and on behalf of Tara Ariano. Tara: [55:20] Toot, toot, tootsie, goodbye. Dave: [55:22] And Sarah D. Sarah: [55:23] Bunting, I'm so scared. Dave: [55:27] Thanks for listening, and we'll see you next time, right here on Extra Extra Hot Grid. Accustomed to her face. Tara: [56:08] Oh god this is.