Remembering A Half-Hour’s Worth Of Commercials From December 1984

Dave: [0:10] This is the Extra Extra Hot Great Podcast, episode 331 for the December 12, 2024 weekend. I am Beatrice Product, David T. Cole, and I'm here with Pine Cleaner Partisan, Sarah D. Bunting. Sarah: [0:31] Quit needling me. Dave: [0:33] And Weimar Wine Mall, Tarariano. Tara: [0:35] Life is a cabaret of cheap wine. Tara: [0:45] Welcome to Extra, Extra Hot Great for another weekend. This is our last episode before the holiday. We're thrilled to have you here and for your support. And we're giving you a big, fat lead topic. We found a compilation of commercials from December 1984. And this is probably going to go long, so we're skipping ASCII HD this week. These were extracted from Kenny and Dolly, A Christmas to Remember, which aired, for our purposes, on KDKA-TV Pittsburgh, which was then and still the local CBS affiliate. Some of these are also from the ninth annual Circus of the Stars, which followed Kenny and Dolly in place of, among other shows, The Jeffersons, Alice and Trapper John, M.D. Some of you are going to have to ask, I believe, your great-grandparents about some of those shows. But all of this was from December 2nd, 1984. Tara: [1:42] Why don't we start off our deep dive into the individual ads of this compilation? Dave: [2:15] Call me. You got my number. Jesus. All right. So that is a Ford truck ad featuring Pittsburgh Steeler Jack Lambert, who will fuck up a Ford dealer if they don't treat you right, which means that I think there's a problem in Pittsburgh with four dealers that Jack Lambert vigilante needs to correct. Sarah: [2:37] He was a Steelers linebacker who was named the toughest NFL player of all time by some Fox Sports show that does that kind of listicle thing on the air as its whole reason for being. Apparently quite a private person perhaps was put in witness protection after fucking up a Ford dealer. Who could say? Dave: [2:57] Yeah, he killed three of them. The guy looks like a living 1970s beer ad, if you see a photo of him. He looks like everybody who argues about whether it is great tasting or less filling and then murders you over it. Like that is the vibe. He's a couple metal teeth away from being Jaws from the James Bond films of the era. And capping it all off, $666 in savings at the Ford dealership just tells me that he should be killing these devil worshippers. So good on you, Jack Lambert. Keeping Pittsburgh safe. Tara: [4:00] I mean, we all know Jane Seymour. This is before she was in her Dr. Quinn era. She was just a like moderately vintage babe at this point. But when she says come on soft, she's talking about the lens, which has a lot of a lot of something on it. It's real soft focus. I'll say that. this also is emblematic of many of the ads in this compilation we'll get to another one where a huge selling point is just women's hair is enormous like every yes look so god jane. Dave: [4:31] Seymour can get it. Tara: [4:32] Oh yeah especially. Dave: [4:33] Battle star galactica era jane seymour she can get it but god not with that hair i'm sorry. Tara: [4:38] That's a deal breaker i mean it's fun to look at but to negotiate with the hair No, thank you. Sarah: [4:46] It's an absolute nimbus hair. Dave: [4:49] Yeah. Sarah: [4:50] And also, like, there's a lot of, we're still really in the, like, Madonna whore era of cosmetics and perfumes. And the barely sub subtext of this is like, just dab a little behind your ears and keep your legs crossed. Like, okay. Tara: [5:08] Yeah. This scent is not still in production, but if you want to smell like your mom did in 1984, you can still get it on eBay. Probably won't have a lot of staying power, but it's there. Dave: [5:20] Yeah, you say that, but even the stinky inserts in the sassy magazines when we talk about it, once in a while there's a colors ad. You open that thing up, and it smells like colors to me. Tara: [5:27] No, that's true. I'm not saying it won't smell. I'm saying that it probably wears off quickly. I think the older perfume gets, the less potency it has. Dave: [5:37] Right. Sarah: [5:37] Well, maybe that was just Le Jardin's whole thing. Soft and subtle, actually read as just wears off fast. Tara: [5:44] Yeah. Sarah: [5:44] Because it's a lot of alcohol. Dave: [5:45] Water it down. Tara: [5:46] Mm-hmm. Sarah: [5:47] Well, I went to a party, and what did I see? Peanut. Dave: [6:13] I just noticed I was moving around like Ray Charles. Ray Charles should have done this commercial. Tara: [6:19] So this is a party at the museum. It's 1984. And you know, you see on Instagram a lot of like, I grew up in the 80s and there's a picture of like the Max from Saved by the Bell. And you're like, no, I grew up in the 80s. And it's like a brown living room with wood paneling and stuff. But this is like starting to be the beginning of that era of like the Memphis design style. And it's all this ad is like that white piano. Yes. The checkerboards, the, you know, random zigzags, et cetera. But the other way you can tell it's 1984 is that there's a jar of peanut butter with legs. Sarah: [6:54] Like a huge peanut butter mascot. Tara: [6:56] And he is or she at one point is is we're walking or it might not be human. Yes. I guess I cut it off. There's a Beatrice sting at the end of this, not the last of this compilation. Beatrice is the overall sponsor of the Kenny and Dolly show, and they want you to know it all the time. Dave: [7:14] A real miscalculation. I mean, maybe it's just looking back now, but people don't want to know that everything they buy comes from one VAT, one corporate VAT. This is the Unilever of its day. It's just like, oh no, I've sent all my money to one company. Like that's what this ad smorgasbord told me. Like literally every other ad that the ends with from Beatrice or whatever that jingle is. Tara: [7:38] Yes. Dave: [7:38] It's crazy. The other thing about this commercial, there's two commercials that we'll hear. This is the first of them that for me, like the song immediately was like, oh no, it triggered neurons and they started to fire rings. I totally remember this song. Tara: [7:48] Yeah. Dave: [7:49] And loving it back in the day. Like the jingles in the 80s were on point. Like we lost our jingle band. Sarah: [7:54] And they actually had them instead of just licensing someone else's song or being like, let's rewrite whatever, Light My Fire to be about Bic Lighters, like whatever, that's been going on forever also. but you definitely the proportion of like proprietary music that is like in a standard style and is kind of by numbers, but definitely was like written and performed just for the product is like, it's way higher back then than it, than it is now. Dave: [8:25] Yeah. Tara: [8:25] Yeah. Dave: [8:25] I love the jingle. Tara: [8:26] I do too. That's my favorite part of doing these always. Dave: [8:59] Travel back with us to 1984 when Sharp was a quality electronics brand name where it was like something. Oh, it's a Sharp. That's pretty good. Speaking to Tara's point with the transition to sort of like what we think of as 80s aesthetics, like this is 18% vaporware in its approach. There's like a lot of like grids to the horizon look as 36% of the look comes from computer magazines of the day as products fly at you. Whether they're computer chips or TVs or VCRs or whatever chart products you need to buy. Yeah. And give another three years to this and it would be very much, it would become much more Tron-y, I guess. You know, with much more sort of last Starfighter aesthetics. But this is like right at the start of it. You can see the origins of what people think of the 80s now. And mostly you can see what they dispensed with. Tara: [9:55] Right. Dave: [9:55] Like there's still a lot of practical effects in here. There's still a lot of green screening going on with stuff that doesn't look great. And I kind of loved it. But I was thinking like Sharp, like I don't even know if they make Sharp stuff anymore. If it's just like owned by TCL and they put stuff out under the Sharp brand for certain markets, it feels like it's probably one of those. But yeah, Sharp ruled the Consumers Distributing Catalog, a.k.a. the Sears Wishbook of Canada. Tara: [10:21] Yep. Dave: [10:21] And it was weird to hear it again. Sarah: [10:24] Yeah, this wasn't as cringe about like often when it's like, this is how we envision the future, even like three years ahead of this. Like if you watch Lawnmower Man or Virtuosity and it's just like, oh my God, like, and that's 90s stuff. So often the vision in the 80s is like more pitiable than cringy, but this was not that bad comparatively. Yep. Dave: [10:50] I mean, I do appreciate a electronics brand that actually shows you all the fucking electronics in the commercial rather than selling you on the lifestyle that they provide. Like, I actually want to see what this shit looks like. All right. Next one. We are Beatrice. Tara: [11:32] There it is. Dave: [11:33] Bah! Sarah: [11:35] Yeah. Dave: [11:35] If your name's Beatrice and you want that clip, let me know. I have a question. This is probably a dumb question, but is that actually Orville Redenbacher? Tara: [11:44] I think so. Dave: [11:45] Like, it's not an actor. It's, or is that actually the guy in these commercials, right? No, I think so. Sarah: [11:50] Yeah, I think he and Frank Perdue, it was actually the guys. Dave: [11:54] I put this in there mostly because for unknown reasons, I just have this sense that the, at the end of his life, Orville Redenbacher was sort of a Casey Kasem case. Tara: [12:04] Oh, maybe. Dave: [12:05] Doesn't it feel that way? Tara: [12:06] Sure. Dave: [12:07] Doesn't it? And it might be because like this commercial, a lot of the commercials are very family oriented and he seems like just like a very gentle soul. And then the whole family takes advantage of him at the end. There's a giant like fight over the popcorn inheritance and all this bad shit comes out at the end, you know, and they're keeping him alive in a room. They're totally Richard Simmons and he's... I'm not saying this happened I'm just saying that is the vibe I'm getting because of these commercials okay. Tara: [12:33] But if anyone did that it's not his family it's Beatrice. Dave: [12:36] I'll just say that that's true Beatrice owns Orville Redenbacher yeah. Sarah: [12:41] Patrick Redden Keefe's book length treatment of this case and the fight over his estate is called Children of the Corn don't get up I'll fire myself. Dave: [12:55] Wow Well. Tara: [12:57] Now I want popcorn. God damn it. Sarah: [12:59] Same. One glass of milk has enough calcium and vitamins to help the average person through an ordinary. Tara: [13:29] On the jingle tip, first of all, that one was great. But I love how it sounds like slightly, it's like the merry-go-round broke down vibes from Who Framed Roger Rabbit. Like, there's something manic about it where it's like, this is... Dave: [13:44] All the clowns got out of their car, assembled their instruments, and went to town. Tara: [13:48] But for milk, like given the copy that they're saying over it, it seems like this should be for like, you know, Snickers or coffee or cocaine, but it's for milk. Sarah: [14:00] Joe Drugs. Tara: [14:01] Yeah. Joe Drugs, exactly. Our friend Joe Drugs. Dave: [14:35] Merry Christmas, everybody. Sarah: [14:37] Yeah, what the hell? Dave: [14:39] Black and Decker, we invented the flashlight. Again, is that commercial? Tara: [14:44] Yeah. I mean, basically, this commercial is acting like Black and Decker invented batteries, because all of these are just battery-powered products. So it's like, okay. Sarah: [14:53] Great. Dave: [14:53] I think they think they invented illumination. Tara: [14:56] Yes, could be. Sarah: [14:59] Tuesday. I am not giving up on you. Academy Award winner. Dave: [15:02] Mickey Rooney teaches a young girl the power of a special kind of love. Bill on his own. Before we get into what this is, I just want to paint you a very quick picture of what happened as soon as that commercial was aired in our household. I turned to Tara with just like my version of the grimace emoji. Tara: [15:18] You did? Dave: [15:19] And Tara turns back and says, yes, that's exactly what you think it is. And then I did like a double grimace emoji somehow. Tara: [15:26] Yep. Sarah: [15:26] Except she's not a young girl. She's fucking married. to Dennis Quaid. Dave: [15:34] All right. So, Sarah, you're the Dennis Quaid authority here on the panel. Can you tell us what Bill on his own is all about? Sarah: [15:41] Bill on his own. Mickey Rooney plays a cognitively delayed adult who just is sort of trying to make his way in the world as it was configured for people like him in the early 80s. I think this is the original and there was a sequel. Tara: [16:00] No, this is the sequel. Bill came out in 1981. Sarah: [16:04] All right. So this is lighter on the Quaid, I believe. It was actually, given that I had to watch it for Quaid in Full, it was okay. It meant well. It's not as bad as you think it's going to be, but that's an extremely low bar. I think Mickey Rooney won multiple awards for this performance, which is where that was in the culture 40 years ago. Tara: [16:30] So yeah when i looked it up on wikipedia it said like bill was pretty acclaimed and then bill on his own was not as well received that was the end of the the bill cinematic universe yeah i. Dave: [16:44] Mean i guess he was clearing the path for rain man's oscar blitz. Tara: [16:47] I think there is a literal connection between the two actually really yeah well. Sarah: [16:51] I think sean Tom Cassidy started it in late 70s with like normal people and then slowly. Tara: [16:58] It was based on a real person named William Sachter. Raymond Babbitt, the fictional autistic savant featured in Rayman, was initially based in part on Sachter. The screenwriter of Bill met a savant named Kim Peake who had a unique neurological condition and conceived of a character based on Peake, though partly again on Sachter. So there you go. Dave: [17:44] We're Beatrice. Tara: [17:46] These are all real. I don't want people to think that we like added these on to all of the food ones for a bit. They really did all end like that. Dave: [17:53] No, but I got to cut that and add it to a lot of stuff in the future. Don't you worry about it. Tara: [17:58] Just to backtrack, though, to like people don't want to think of everything coming from the same company. They don't. But it's also that like Beatrice sounds like such a more homey company than like what it would be now, which is like ConAgra. Dave: [18:10] Yeah. Tara: [18:10] Which sounds evil. Anyway. Dave: [18:12] Back then, the Beatrice logo was all nice and colorful. And now it's just like, you know, the black and white American flag equivalent. Tara: [18:19] We're like, oh, thank you. Yes. Like the sad McDonald's that look like they're depressed. This ad, I mean, it establishes, as you can hear, it's 7 a.m. And there's a split screen with the two twins, the twin moms doing their sausages in the morning. They are in full glam. Like, we've already talked about the big hair. they both like have been up since 5 30 like getting this look together to cook fucking sausage for their children like you don't really think about what it you want an ugly. Dave: [18:49] Mom giving you breakfast. Tara: [18:50] I don't well yeah i mean you don't really think about what a sea change it is to like see people in commercials now not just for you know cold medicine where they're allowed to look kind of rough like a coffee commercial where someone looks like they really did just get up Like this never would have happened back then. Sarah: [19:11] No. Tara: [19:11] It's a better time. Dave: [19:12] The best part of this commercial for me was right at the end where not brown and serve mom is having trouble keeping up and delivering sausage on time to her fucking needy kids. Tara: [19:22] Yeah. Dave: [19:22] Is that she makes this gesture in the background and it's not like like purely frustration. There's a certain up and down rhythm to it that makes it feel like she's gesturing in frustration to actually stop the passage of time itself. Tara: [19:34] Like, yes, like Atlas. Dave: [19:36] But like a sim. The world is the concept of time. She's trying to keep it from crushing her. was really great. She's a totally defeated individual. Sarah: [19:45] It's also a little bit surprising to me that the packaging of this is so off-putting. They linger on it for a minute, and it's like, here's this delicious brown and serve. Sausage, ha-ha, brown, ha-ha. You're already in dangerous territory, and you need to at least have the logo centered correctly. your package should not look like a PA drew it seven minutes before you shot the shit. That's all I'm saying. Dave: [20:16] If your food is brown and disgusting looking, you gotta put it on a colorful background, like a nice orange plate with all this other shit around it. You just can't have a couple sausages on your cover. We'll have multiple ads coming up from Duncan Hines, and their product packaging is on point. Tara: [20:35] Oh, it's gorgeous. Dave: [20:36] Yeah. It's so much better than it is now, they totally should like travel back in time and resurrect it. Because all of those boxes, like I would put that up on my wall. Tara: [20:44] Yep. Dave: [21:08] Cheese, it's the tops. Make your meals thing with real cheese. Another great jingle. Tara: [21:15] We can't call that a jingle. That's from Anything Goes. Dave: [21:18] Oh, is it? Tara: [21:18] Cole Porter wrote that song. Dave: [21:20] Oh, okay. Tara: [21:20] Yes. He didn't write it about cheese. Sarah: [21:22] He loved cheese. Tara: [21:23] He should have. Dave: [21:24] How do you know that wasn't the original? Sarah: [21:26] His full first name was Colby, did you know? Dave: [21:29] Yeah. Sarah: [21:30] I just want to note that at the moment where they're talking about putting cheddar on apple pie which looked a little too verite in the commercial then they show a woman taking a bite of it and this woman is a Cylon like has obviously never eaten a bite of human food before like just the way that she is trying to chew like it's very weird it's a split second thing but I went back and watched it again that I was like this this person eats through like a USB port, right? What is that? But I definitely desperately wanted cheese. Tara: [22:07] Oh my God. Sarah: [22:08] Despite the fact that all the stinky ones they had on the cheese board at the end looked like cardboard because they didn't want to offend anyone. Tara: [22:15] Okay. That's true. But overall, this ad is like pornography. Like this makes all of the cheese look so good. Sarah: [22:24] The word sexed is in my notes. Tara: [22:26] Absolutely for sure stealing from the best to do your like not jingle jingle is a smart move i mean just shout out to the cinematographer that made all of these cheese dishes look so yeah but. Dave: [22:40] Cheese on apple pie. Tara: [22:41] I don't agree with that i. Dave: [22:43] Know people are into it and you're wrong if you love me why do you hurt, Oh, Dustbuster is to blame for all the plus premium stuff. Sarah: [23:20] Perhaps. Tara: [23:21] I know I just said the cheese commercial was like pornography, but this is too. It's like the weirdly masochistic tone of this commercial. It's really taking us into an unexpectedly erotic place with the Dustbuster. And like, I know they're already sort of on the line because they suck stuff up. But still, the footage of how people can and should abuse a dust buster feels borderline inappropriate to me. But I gather that this was a big innovation at the time. And we have dust busters. It is a game changer. Dave: [23:52] This is 40 years on. We kind of forget what a big deal a dust buster was when it first started. It was like, oh, you don't have to break out the vacuum just for this stupid little thing. Like, my mom got a dust buster almost right away. She was so happy with it. Sarah: [24:05] Yeah, my too. Dave: [24:06] Yeah. Tara: [24:06] Yeah, we were not a dust buster house and I always felt ripped off. Dave: [24:09] I always wanted to play with it, but I couldn't. Not allowed. Not a toy, I was told. I'm like, army, fuck you. Tara: [24:18] Who put the squeeze in the freeze? Who? Dave: [24:22] Who put the squeeze in the freeze? Who? Tell us. Tropicana. Introducing new fresher tasting Tropicana orange, yourself? Just say. Squeeze me or I'll drop it together. Tara: [24:44] Weird beaks. Dave: [24:48] A lot of that commercial, a lot of the narration for that commercial has a very game show tone to it when they're going through the prizes. You know, this lazy boy recliner, blah, blah, blah. This kind of feels the same way. And it kind of made me instantly kind of like take me back to the game shows of that period, weirdly. The reason I cut this commercial mostly is because I wanted to talk about the fact that Tropicana used to have a mascot that I did not know. Tropic Anna was the mascot, and I'm not sure if it's racist, but I suspect it might be a little bit racist. It looks a little bit racist. Obviously, Tropic Anna is not with us anymore, so maybe they got out well again was good. It looks a bit like the Hawaiian maid. If you've ever been to Hawaii and bought some eggs, she looks like the Hawaiian maid. But I just was surprised that whatever was a mascot for Tropic Anna. Tara: [25:36] She also looks a little bit like the character on the cover of the Shonen Knife album, Happy Hour. Dave: [25:42] Yep. Tara: [25:43] She's just like very, very simplified face. Very cute. The other thing about this is like, you sure never see frozen concentrate juice advertised on television anymore. It's like a product that no longer exists, but it's very, very of its day. Dave: [25:58] Yeah. All the juice in our house was frozen from concentrate. Tara: [26:01] Ours too. Sarah: [26:02] I think this was sort of at the period where there was like a weird cultural shift going on with like, not classism, but just like what it implied that you had frozen from concentrate versus fresh squeezed versus almost fresh squeezed, which was in the cartons that you poured. I think this was a play to sort of like consumer of the frozen concentrate could feel good about using a high-end product. But I do feel like there was a shift happening in like home juice at that time, maybe. Dave: [26:35] Home juice. Tara: [26:36] I think it was later, but definitely, yeah. Sarah: [26:38] Didn't hit our household until the mid-90s anyway. Dave: [26:41] What was the orange juice you had? Because our house was an old South house. Old South brand I don't think exists. It was budget. shit. Sarah: [26:51] King's Supermarket store brand. Tara: [26:53] We were very brand loyal to Minute Maid because my mom loved Limeade and we almost always had that. Dave: [27:00] The lemon and lime ones were really good but the orange from Concentrate was not a good juice. Sarah: [27:05] Sour. Very sour. You race car driving, mister? I used to be. Brewster Baker's on the comeback trail after a. Dave: [27:21] Before his competition puts him out of the running? Kenny Rogers stars in Six Pack Wednesday. Hee hee, donuts. Wood watch. Tara: [27:32] I'm sure I can find it. Can I blow your mind? This was an airing on television, but it was a movie movie. It came out in 1982. Sarah: [27:41] It was not even a TV movie. Tara: [27:43] It was a theatrical release. Sarah: [27:45] All right. Well, from there to the gambler-verse. Dave: [28:20] I love the 10 o'clock slot octave change. Tara: [28:24] Uh-huh. Sarah: [28:25] Oh, no. Eight million people in the Naked City, and they're all dead in this lot in Burbank. I believe that I watched this entire rack of episodes while babysitting at some point. I know it was Monday, but reruns. Mostly, though, I asked for this one because you got to get in the basement, kids. Bob Newhart is on the porch. Tara: [28:52] Some states will fine you $100 for a noisy muffler. A new muffler from Midas costs much less. Sarah: [28:58] You be the judge. Wish they were still doing that in my neighborhood. That's the only reason I called for that. That was like, oh, my God. I think it was Meineke that had the, you're not going to pay a lot for that muffler. And I'd say that every day in my neighborhood, because just carburetors. Certain people love them. Dave: [29:20] Midas cannot hold a torch to the, uh-oh, better get Mako. Tara: [29:24] So true. Sarah: [29:25] Mm-hmm. Tara: [29:26] Mm-hmm. I'll sing you a hot tiler as we share a glass. And, can't go very wrong. It's always a good year. So what happened here, I have to assume, is like someone heard about Cabaret. They never actually watched it. And they were like, okay, I got a German brand. This is a German story. Great. Let's put them together. And then, you know. Dave: [30:12] Also, second half of Sound of Music. Tara: [30:14] Yes, exactly. But these ads ran for so long. And Sarah, did you recognize who the Chanteuse was? Sarah: [30:21] I did not recognize the Chanteuse. I did remember that we changed the lyrics to This Wine Tastes Like Ass. Who's the Chanteuse? Tara: [30:30] That's Carrie Keene, future Suzanne Scamaly from 90210. Sarah: [30:36] Oh, wow. Tara: [30:38] Good for her. Yep. Dave: [30:40] This is the other jingle that immediately started firing neurons in my brains. Yeah. It was on for years. Tara: [30:47] And especially for us, because it was a Canadian brand. It must have been close enough to the border that they sold it in Pennsylvania, too. Yeah. Dave: [31:23] So listening to that commercial is not a lot, but the visuals are, as he's talking about all the benefits, there's this adorable miniature town, like a little Tivoli kind of thing. And as he's talking about housing, like the magical apartment appears and the zip side of all the little things come into place and it's all very styrofoamy and Country Crafts corner. And it was just adorable. And then Tara's like, well, yeah, well, lotteries, blah, blah, blah, pico time. They ruined the moment, but I thought the commercial itself was very cute. Tara: [31:57] I mean, it's a very effective commercial that makes you think that the lottery is, you know, a social good that is a benefiting society. We know it's not, but it is cute. Sarah: [32:07] Yeah. When you live in a neighborhood where the seniors in your neighborhood are the biggest consumers of lottery tickets and have probably created the need for rent relief because they've gotten sucked into state-sponsored gambling, but sure congrats Pennsylvania well done and a question mark cute commercials. Tara: [32:29] Your heirloom dish is still shy you let your joy show in. Dave: [32:54] Cleans down to the shine. Let your joy show. So that's the song. That's an actual song, right? Or a hymn or something? Tara: [33:02] Yes. Let Your Love Flow. Dave: [33:04] The reason I wanted to cut it is because poor grandma here, you know, there's a couple generations of this family get-together of some sort. Maybe it's Christmas dinner and she's bringing out the fancy china. And that's her whole identity is making sure this fucking china's clean. And that's the way in which the daughter is judging her. It's like, well, yeah, plate's still clean. I guess mom doesn't have to go to the home this year. Thanks, Joy. Sarah: [33:27] I mean, talk about creating a need where none existed. Dave: [33:31] Also, this commercial reminded me of the fact that there are going to be so many China hutches at Goodwill in the next 20 years because nobody wants your China. Nobody wants the China hutch and wish to put the China because nobody uses China. Sarah: [33:44] Yep. Tara: [33:44] This has already happened in my family when my grandma and grandpa moved into the home. And she had, at the time, beautiful Petty Point china, but it's like, no one wants what was considered stylish in 1956. Sorry. Like, it looks like needlepoint. Sarah: [34:02] The Heron figurines. Tara: [34:04] Yeah. Sarah: [34:04] Oh, my God. It's like, I know what those cost and garbage. Yeah. Tara: [34:38] We were a bounce household. My mother could not be bothered to do liquid fabric softeners, and neither can I still, even though it's easier now and they have the balls, whatever. They show in this ad the two stacks of towels and whether you can drop a bubble on one, and if you do it on the bounce towel, it won't break. And did I try this when I was 10? Yes, I did. I was a nerd. I'm like, you people understand how long I have loved television and believed everything it told me when. Dave: [35:09] Did bounce start is this like near the start of bounce or was it. Tara: [35:12] Like maybe earlier is. Dave: [35:13] That why it's called bounce. Tara: [35:15] What do you mean the. Dave: [35:16] Fact that you could bounce a. Tara: [35:17] Bubble no no no i think it had been around for longer than that i don't think they but but i don't actually know what she got and got a lot of. Sarah: [35:25] Lots of hair from prel lots of Boneless, lots of thickness, lots of hair from Prell. Goodbye limp, goodbye. Tara: [35:46] The hair that's got a lot of, get lots of hair from Prell. Big hair. Oh, so big. The hair is so big. so bouncy and also I'd forgotten until you see it at the end of the ad the bottle stunning. Dave: [36:05] Yeah but it looks like mouthwash. Tara: [36:07] It does but I kind of love that it's so green too green yeah and. Sarah: [36:15] There's still rock in the 70s just. Tara: [36:18] That absolutely. Sarah: [36:19] Classic Prell look you can almost smell it. Tara: [36:23] Looking at it so good Prell is a good. Dave: [36:27] Star Wars name. Tara: [36:27] It is a good Star Wars name. Dave: [37:01] We had ivory soap in the house, but for whatever reason, like the nurse pen, I was not allowed to use it. I guess it was expensive enough and kids are dirty all the time that my parents didn't let me bathe with the ivory until I was a teenager. Tara: [37:14] Really? I thought that would, I would think that would be dove. Dave: [37:17] The soap that, okay, here we go. Tara: [37:21] I'm worried. Dave: [37:23] In the 80s, my parents would go on a yearly trip somewhere. Like they would save up and go to the Caribbean or once they went to Colombia or Mexico or something like that. And they would come back with half a suitcase full of hotel soaps. I don't know how they got so many. They kept on calling down and say, you forgot our soaps. But they would come back with like dozens of those like small soaps. Tara: [37:47] The little teeny ones, yeah. Dave: [37:48] The ones that are like smell way too much and they're way too flaky. And that's what I would use. And when they got small enough, you stuck all the little bits in a nylon and tie the nylon and it became kind of a gushy glump of soap. So you can use that. And that's what I, that's what I got to use. Or if I was really lucky in quotes, you know, there was some Irish spring on, on super discount. My dad would get that. But yeah, ivory soap was something I graduated to in my teens. And then. Tara: [38:14] Thank you. Dave: [38:16] A little glimpse into thrifty coal household. When was the last time you used bar soap? Tara: [38:21] Oh my God. I mean, it's been decades. Oh, really? Dave: [38:25] Really? Sarah: [38:25] Yeah. Dave: [38:26] I feel like bar soap is just something grandmas and Sarah uses now. Tara: [38:29] I mean, other than when we're in a hotel. Dave: [38:31] Oh, sure. But like, I just feel like liquid soaps have taken over. Tara: [38:35] Yeah. Dave: [38:36] You know, body lotions and whatnot. Tara: [38:37] I also have an update on Bounce. It was first invented in 1969 by Conrad J. Geiser. And then Procter & Gamble bought it and named it Bounce and started marketing it in its final form in 1975. Yeah. Dave: [39:22] That commercial jingle is playing in purgatory on a loop. Sarah: [39:27] It's really weird to think about these things that you just take for granted about diaper culture, especially since none of us had to diaper our own offspring. It's just like wild that it's like, oh, that's when that came in. That was the latest like diaper tech. Tara: [39:46] Yeah. Sarah: [39:46] In my family of origin, my mother was using cloth diapers for me, and then that was completely out the window by the time Dave Jr. showed up five years later. Dave: [39:57] The technology at this point is tape, and you know that tape lasts for like two fastenings and then no longer sticks. Tara: [40:03] Right. Dave: [40:04] But we did have Velcro, but Velcro wasn't, you know, the economy of Velcro was still too expensive to put on a diaper. Sarah: [40:10] I guess. Dave: [40:10] And that's the sliver of time we're living in before it becomes a commodity because Velcro, obviously the superior diaper fastener, I assume that we put Velcro in diapers at some point. Tara: [40:21] Yeah, because I think the outside of them are covered in like something that's more fabric-y so that it could get purchased. But yeah, it is funny, the arms race between the three brands, which I think Huggies and Pampers were both the same company. Sarah: [40:35] I think that's right. Tara: [40:36] But, and I don't think, I don't know if loves even exist anymore. Don't at me. I don't care. You know, I don't have babies. Dave: [40:41] I think they do because I think I saw bluey loves. Tara: [40:43] Oh, really? Okay. Well, that makes sense. I mean, that's like, but the ways that they differentiate each other, like these ones stick, these ones have tighter legs. These ones have like the, the front or the middle of, you know, extra. Dave: [40:56] Boy and girl diapers. Sarah: [40:57] Yeah, boy or girl output. Dave: [41:00] Diapers for your head. Tara: [41:02] Right. When ultimately it's like, these are things that are going to fill up with shit and then live in a landfill for, you know, the rest of time. It's like all of these little like foo-for-ahs are so unimportant. But I mean, whichever one is. Sarah: [41:17] Also not effective. I mean, the finest minds of our generation couldn't stop a blowout. It's just not a blowout life. Tara: [41:26] Blowouts still occur. Dave: [41:27] Speaking about products that are no longer with us and did not stand the test of time, but I want parents to have to make diapers. Do you remember there was two months where they made potato chip bags out of the fabric, out of the foil that would disintegrate after a month? Tara: [41:43] Yes. Dave: [41:44] And they were the noisiest things on earth? Tara: [41:46] Yes, yes. Sarah: [41:47] Yeah. Dave: [41:48] Gotta make diapers out of those. Because you only need to wear a diaper for a few hours. You shit in it and then you take it out. And those decompose in a month. You just have to put up with the noise. Tara: [41:57] Yeah. Dave: [41:57] It's good to know if your baby's still moving. If your baby's moving, baby, I'll move. Sarah: [42:01] Yep. Crinkles, nighttime safety technology. Tara: [42:07] Hello, Kate. Let's celebrate. Don't give my drive to home. Sarah: [42:13] This is the day of great taste. Moist. This is the day of great voices come through. Dave: [42:36] That was nine moists for those of you keeping track at home. That's too many instances of the word moist. Sarah: [42:44] It's like that Boards of Canada song where she's like 59. Like occasionally just someone comes in and it's like 48, 11. Like moist. I think it's the same lady. Dave: [42:56] Oh, yeah. Tara: [42:59] But Dave was right. What he said before, that cake looks really fucking good. Dave: [43:03] Yeah yeah it does my brother-in-law worked for procter and gamble during this time product quality assurance and he told me this story it's so gross but i love it one of the things they did uh at this time but he was he worked with duncan hines that was his brand but one of the other lab things there they were working on at the time was like the olestra strain of things oh yeah back in day but anything that is a new unproven addition to something right new chemical new process or whatever one of the things they have to do is have people eat the food shit it out and go through their shit in the lab and see what oh man and apparently that was something that he had to deal with in not directly he wasn't like a lab scientist but he had to do the performative analysis on it and i just like i guess i'm not eating duncan duncan chewy gooey good cookies anymore even though they were soft and delicious because now all i can see people's giant piles of shit and. Sarah: [44:03] Were they wearing loves pampers or huggies that's the question. Dave: [44:08] Yeah i don't know how they collected it if they had to do the saran wrap over the bowl thing or oh boy what but no i'll ask him next time i see him next funeral raise your hand you got it raise your hand you know it you feel confident. Tara: [44:40] Sure. Raise your hand. Raise your hand if you're sure. Sarah: [44:46] Hall of Fame. Tara: [44:48] I think this is one of the probably 20 greatest advertising jingles of all time. It's so. Sarah: [44:55] Agree. Tara: [44:55] It's so effective. It like captures the feeling that you want the customer to have when they use your product. Dave: [45:03] Yeah. Tara: [45:03] It says everything like the lyrics are on point. They reiterate the name of the brand over and over again, like all of it is so well done. Dave: [45:13] There's also during the lead up to the big ending, there's like these patriotic horns in the background to sort of sell this feeling that it's much more than what you're seeing on screen. It's going to deliver a confidence that you do not have at the moment. Tara: [45:28] Yep. I dream of having this kind of confidence. I would never raise my arms that high. Sarah: [45:34] You, fan of the Los Angeles Olympiad that was this year. Tara: [45:38] Oh. Sarah: [45:39] At which the Soviet Union was not present, I believe. Ending on the Statue of Liberty. Like, your whole thing is like, you can be sure of what is going to happen. Nothing. When you raise your hand, like, on the subway or on transit. Tara: [45:53] Mm-hmm. Sarah: [45:53] In class. Tara: [45:54] Yep. Sarah: [45:55] This was a series of commercials. This is an absolute all-timer. I agree. top 20 for sure. Tara: [46:00] Yep. Sarah: [46:01] And then they close on the Statue of Liberty with her arm in the air. And it is like whoever decided that that should be done and splashed out the money for that helicopter shot. Absolute genius. Perfectly done. Tara: [46:13] Agree. Dave: [46:14] Yeah. My favorite part of the commercial beyond the jingle was there's all these like, you know, vignettes of people doing stuff that need to have your arm raised and you need to be confident. One of them is an astronaut plopping down the american flag on the moon don't think about it too much but the reason why i really loved it is because they just went to their local you know 365 halloween store yeah costume rental place and got the first astronaut costume there is absolutely no environmental protection systems on this whatsoever it is just a guy in a like a potato foil bag yes waiting by cosmic rays on the moon Yeah. Sarah: [46:51] He's about to go on stage with the residents. Yeah, no, it's not real. Dave: [46:55] He's going to put duct tape all over himself to go outside and save the moon base, but we'll make one statue of him up later. Yeah, totally. Tara: [47:04] R.I.P. Dave: [47:33] The story of that commercial is the parents just got their kid back from the dentist. The kid has a piece of paper that says dental checkup. And I guess it's good news on there. And they call grandma up to tell her the good news that little Susie's got no cavities. And this stupid fucking kid on the phone says, look, grandma, see. And then holds the note up to the phone receiver where she's talking so grandma can see it. Because this kid doesn't know what a telephone is. Because this kid doesn't really need to brush her teeth that much. She needs to get back to school. Tara: [48:06] That's right. Open the schools. Dave: [48:07] Open the schools. Sarah: [48:09] Yeah. Also, those teeth are going to fall out. Don't. Dave: [48:12] Don't worry about it. Sarah: [48:13] Kill yourself. But also, also, like, was Crest so much more expensive? Like, what were most families using that's like, you're not going to have those teeth forever. Just go find some sand if you want to brush your teeth. Dave: [48:24] One AIM household. Tara: [48:26] Boo. Sarah: [48:27] I loved AIM. So good. Dave: [48:28] I think every kid just wanted Aquafresh because it was like it had three colors in it and eventually had the pump, which was like a little game you could play. And you're like, why is there a cup of toothpaste on your brush, Dave? Because the pump is so much fun. Tara: [48:45] We are at New York's world famous Tavern on the Green. Dave: [49:14] Classic campaign, Folger's Crystals. You don't know whether it's fancy coffee or just the same kind of shitty instant crystals you use at home. Tara: [49:22] Yeah. Dave: [49:23] The reason why this one hit home is I remember seeing this one, learning about this mystical restaurant in another universe called Tavern on the Green. Tara: [49:32] Right. Dave: [49:33] And I was convinced for years that this was the world's fanciest restaurant. Tara: [49:38] Oh, Dave. Dave: [49:40] Like, it just seemed like the universe was telling me, like, this is the pinnacle of restauranting. Tara: [49:47] I mean, I think it's pretty fancy. Dave: [49:48] Is it? Or is it just like, it's the location and it's novel and it's, like, fine? Tara: [49:53] Yeah, I don't know. Sarah, is it fancy? Sarah: [49:56] I've never been in it. That shit's for tourists. Dave: [49:58] Yeah, exactly. Tara: [49:59] Okay. Sarah: [50:00] Sorry. But as a kid, that's something I would have thought. That it's like, when I was a kid, New York City was really, like, dangerous. Like the Warriors was a documentary as far as most parents were concerned. So there were like four safe places to go in the New Jersey suburban child mind. And that was one of them. Like fancy restaurants were safe. But then to get from the cab into the restaurant, you're gonna have to fight with knives. I don't know. I was young and dumb like the kid in the crest ad. But yeah, Tavern on the Green, I think, was pretty fancy. but again, tourist fancy. Tara: [50:39] I was just looking up to see like if I could... Dave: [50:41] Fancy for a restaurant in a park. Tara: [50:43] Yeah, I was looking if I could quickly find like what the prices are, but the first thing that comes up in Google, I know, in Google results. Pro tip, if a restaurant has a gift shop, it's probably primarily for tourists. There you go. Dave: [50:57] Tavern on the Green is like the tiara of restaurants in New York, right? Like you think when you're growing up, ooh, jewelry, it's only for princesses, it costs a fortune. And then like a couple of years later, there's like 20 tiaras in your drawer that you've collected. Tara: [51:10] Yeah. Dave: [51:35] Ahead and help yourself to the most delicious brownies in the world. Duncan Hines. Stop saying moist and stop using it in a way that sounds like most. Stop splitting the difference. The lesson of this commercial is don't bake Duncan Hines brownies because everybody will steal them from you. Just settle for the second best brownies so that you can at least have some. Sarah: [51:56] Yeah. Or go in the closet with a knife and eat them yourself. Dave: [52:01] Two knives, one for cutting the brownies, one for waiting for the door to open. Sarah: [52:05] One for fending off these brats. And also, the guy is up 88 floors washing windows. Let him have his fucking brownie. Tara: [52:13] Seriously. Dave: [52:14] That's right. It's a window watcher. This woman just steals it off his plate and he has no recourse. Sarah: [52:19] Answer yourself, bitch. Have you been introduced? Dave: [52:22] It should have been like a little extra scene where he like grabs her by the hair and pulls her out to the canopy and throws her off. Tara: [52:28] Yeah. They're also, they cut, each one is like a ninth of the pan. Like they're so, I realize it's a commercial, but they are, those are bigger than any brownie I've ever seen. Dave: [52:38] Yeah. And they have a couple of kids eating them. They're like the size of their heads. Tara: [52:41] They are. Dave: [52:44] You just got your caloric intake for the next two months. Tara: [52:48] Imagine physicians can now get the latest medical information in seconds. Dave: [52:53] Gee, no. GTE. Wow. I remember when GTE was like a trusted tech brand name. Yeah. And then they do these commercials where you're like, I don't want to go to that doctor because he seems like an idiot, but yet computers, it was sending a lot of mixed messages with this campaign. The people that use GTE are morons and they are trying to make you live longer was the campaign. Tara: [53:20] Yeah. Dave: [53:46] Good in the Duncan Hines mix. It's extra good taste in the muffin. Sarah: [53:53] Barf. Tara: [53:54] Yeah, we would occasionally get these because, you know, my mother worked outside the home and she didn't care to bake very often. But one of the times we got them, the berries came in like a can. they were they were actually like quasi fresh but one time we opened them up and it was just empty, we just had plain like unflavored muffins that time because we'd already like made the whole mix we're just about to open them what the fuck anyway uh that was all just a little anecdote about disappointment. Dave: [54:28] See that's the kind of thing if you're thinking then you'd like write a letter to proctor and gamble. Tara: [54:32] Yes and they. Dave: [54:33] Would send you a like case of duncan. Tara: [54:34] Heinz stuff that's just. Dave: [54:35] What they did back then. Sarah: [54:36] Uh-huh. Yeah, we should have. Oh, yeah. Tara: [54:38] This electronic timer will show how fast chloroceptic can relieve sore throat pain. My throat's. Dave: [55:03] Medication. With doctor-recommended chloroseptic, relief is just seconds away. Good observation, Joan. Tara: [55:10] Yeah. Sarah: [55:11] Thanks for coming out. Dave: [55:12] What struck me about this commercial is it is 1984. We are absolutely in the center point of the transition from our analog lifestyle to our digital lifestyle. Tara: [55:22] Yes. Dave: [55:22] The amount of authority they put on this electronic timer that without an electronic timer, can you really trust the results of this chloroseptic test? Tara: [55:33] Right. Dave: [55:33] Perhaps not. It is in fact the digital timer that tells you they were telling the truth. Did that 200 meter relay winner actually win? Well, the Omega digital timer says, yes, he did. This feels like the same thing for throat medicine. And I was just kind of tickled by that. Like who fucking cares? A second is a second when it comes to chloroseptic. But this electronic timer. Tara: [55:58] Great. Sarah: [56:45] And of course, we only asked women. We ask nothing of men. And that, in 1984, is exactly what we fucking get. Tara: [56:53] Uh-huh. Sarah: [56:54] I will say A-plus 80s shirts and shags on all of these ladies who aren't looking for the perfect cleaner to just dump on the grime and leave it there while they go watch a soap opera for 20 minutes. And good for them. Minimum effort. Do it, ladies. Dave: [57:15] Mom is busy in the kitchen cleaning up. Dad is busy with his stupid kid showing grandma dental results over the phone. Everybody's got their role in the house. Tara: [57:23] It's true. I wanted this ad to keep going so the women could confront like the assault on their identity that this commercial presented them with where it's like, who am I if I'm not a Pine Salt partisan? Who am I? Sarah: [57:36] It's like after 10 years and then like a single tear. Tara: [57:40] Who keeps track of how long they've been using this or that? Like whatever. Yeah, very funny. Three times the softness and April freshness of this in every drop? A, a no drip cap and cost less than regular Downey April fresh Downey regular and. Dave: [58:31] So the setting of the Downey commercial is they're at a very, very wide aisle at a grocery store, totally dedicated to fabric softener. And the only brand they carry is the new concentrated Downey. Now, the other part is the aesthetics of this grocery store, which is very seaside sunset after a storm meets you are now in heaven. which kind of makes me feel like these people that are selecting Downey have died. They are now at Heaven's Safeway purchasing this new product. It reads very weirdly. It's a little bit like moving into Miami Vice territory with the pastels and sort of the seaside vibes of it all. 1984, no drip caps were a big fucking deal. I remember the shelf in the laundry room in the basement of our house and how gooey it was with the drippings from all the giant bottles of cheer or all or whatever the detergent was in there. And it just, nobody cleans it. It just becomes gooier and gooier over the years. There's sediment. And I probably, if I went back to my parents' house today and put my finger on that shelf, it would probably stay there for a few seconds where I'd be able to lift it back up. Dave: [59:49] Whoever engineered the no drip cap, I hope they didn't do it on company time. I hope This was an inventor that got a patent for it. And it's basically, you know, the, uh, uh, the, what's that guy? What was that movie with the Greg Kinnear who did the, uh, something of flash of genius or something like that. I hope it's one of those dudes. Tara: [1:00:10] Yeah. Dave: [1:00:11] Cause, uh, good invention. Tara: [1:00:13] All I'll say about the setting is that it's like, if a Broadway play or a Broadway musical was about doing the laundry, that's what the set looks like. And they have choreo of like, we want it. Like they're all doing it in unison in this very exaggerated, like cheap musical way. Sarah: [1:00:31] That's all. When you're a launderer, you're a launderer all the way. Tara: [1:00:35] That's right. Dave: [1:01:06] Never heard of the soap brand Safeguard before this. The jingle is fine, serviceable. You know, I think it would do really well today if it would stand out today, but back then probably not. A little repetitive. But the reason I cut this clip and you do not hear any of it is that right at the end they showed the product box, the box that comes in. And Safeguard came in many different types. This type, beige. Tara: [1:01:29] Beige. Dave: [1:01:32] In quotes on the box. Tara: [1:01:34] Yeah. Dave: [1:01:34] Beige. okay i don't know i don't know how to parse that in relation to soap yeah are all the scents the same and this one you're just buying for color so you can like i guess this is the era of color toilet paper and stuff like that so maybe you're matching it with everything else in your tile yeah your tiles and stuff like that or. Sarah: [1:01:53] You're reassuring a uh the male audience that you hoped to reach with your main. Dave: [1:01:59] Character in. Sarah: [1:02:01] The ad visually that this is an acceptable color. Dave: [1:02:05] Right. No pink bars. Sarah: [1:02:06] For the bachelor bathroom. Tara: [1:02:08] Right. Dave: [1:02:08] Right. Good point. Tara: [1:02:09] I mean, I'll say this about that guy. He's fucking hot. I had no complaints about him or the jingle. Dave: [1:02:15] He's like in his 70s now. We'll let him know. We'll chalk him down and let him know. Tara: [1:02:18] Yeah. If you know this guy, please tell him. Soon there'll be a thousand kids here hollering, cheering, and eating. Eating. Dave: [1:02:45] For most common stomach discomforts, the one that coats is the only one you need. There's so much going on in the audio of that. Tara: [1:02:52] It's true. I wanted to talk about this one for two reasons. One is the animation of the Pepto-Bismol, like the pink creeping through your GI tract to coat it. Dave: [1:03:02] Very Tron-esque. Tara: [1:03:03] It is. And the second thing is they talk about giving it to kids. I swear to God, I never had Pepto-Bismol until I was like well into high school. Did you guys ever have it like when you had tummy aches as kids? Dave: [1:03:14] But don't kids go from zero to barf in like two seconds, right? Tara: [1:03:17] Right. Sarah: [1:03:17] That's what I'm saying. Tara: [1:03:18] I don't think there was any... Yeah. There never was a chance. Dave: [1:03:21] They don't know the warning signs, right? So you're just like... Blah, blah, blah, blah. Tara: [1:03:25] Right. They're just like, what? Dave: [1:03:28] They're just like, I don't know, two, blah, blah, blah, blah. Sarah: [1:03:31] It really, like, this is what I kept thinking during this ad, it's like, oh, you have the kind of kid who's like, yeah, I'm feeling a little nauseated, mama. Like, no, I had a car sick sibling. That's not your life. Tara: [1:03:48] No. Sarah: [1:03:50] Sorry, package it with some wipes. Maybe you're talking. Dave: [1:04:23] Remember when dandruff was one of the worst things that could happen to you? Sarah: [1:04:27] Yes. Dave: [1:04:28] You do not see the product packaging of this era, which was the super slender, long-necked bottle of Head & Shoulders, which they should totally bring back because I realize that Head & Shoulders is still out there and you can buy it, but I think my eye must just go over it. I'm sure it's just one of those identical upside-down squeezy bottles like all the other body wash bottles and stuff like that. Sarah: [1:04:49] I think it's the identical font, though, and that same sort of like semi-rainbow from the cool end of the spectrum. I think it's more, it's virtually the same. Dave: [1:04:59] Need to bring that the long neck and just because we're bringing that back, let's bring back, gee, your hair smells terrific. Tara: [1:05:04] Yeah. Sarah: [1:05:06] And tickle deodorant. God damn it. All five colors. Dave: [1:05:10] What is tickle deodorant? Sarah: [1:05:12] Oh, it was a rollerball deodorant for ladies. Very 70s font. There were a bunch of different colors. And as a child who had a beloved babysitter who used this brand, that's when I will be a woman is when I am using tickle deodorant, which I believe they had it had gone out of business by the time I reached that hallowed age. Dave: [1:05:35] I remember the first time that, you know, because I was curious, I used whoever's ban roll-on deodorant. And the first time, even though I was very young and probably had one armpit hair, it managed to snag it and pull it out. And I was like, why do people do this to themselves? I never did it again. Never, ever. All right. Last one. Dave: [1:06:29] Two things about this commercial. One, detergent packaging graphic design was so much better in the 80s than it is now. I know it's not the same sort of vibe as when they bring back like the old Cheetos packaging for a bag of chips or whatever, but consider it, detergent people. Bring back the old cheer box. Bring back the old Tide box. It was just so colorful and like just in your fucking face back then. I kind of loved it. And the other reason I really like this one is Tide Clean Clothes. And a choice for your nose. Dave: [1:07:05] It is time for the Tiny Cannon presenting This Week Talk. Tara: [1:07:09] Hello. After retiring from the NFL, Carl Weathers had a long career in such cultishly beloved properties as the first four Rocky movies, Predator, Happy Gilmore, and The Mandalorian. But when he died earlier this year at age 76, we miss him. One of the credits I saw cited the most fondly was one that was arguably less of a role than any of the others, playing Carl Weathers in Arrested Development. And here's why I think this performance belongs in the cameo canon. Number one, it's not just that he has no vanity about it, it's that he runs in the opposite direction. Carl Weathers becomes a character in the Arrested Development universe when Tobias, David Cross, decides to save some money by taking a shuttle to the airport instead of a car, but quickly gets annoyed that it's making a million stops to pick up other thrifty passengers. His mood improves when one of those turns out to be Carl Weathers. Clip one. I went to San Francisco to attend your stage fighting workshop, but you never. Tara: [1:08:12] They'll give you $300 if you get bumped. It's this crazy loophole in the system that the wrong guy discovered. Guess where I won't be going. Yeah. Tara: [1:08:50] It's one thing for a celebrity to play a heightened and unflattering version of themselves. That is basically the entire premise of Curb Your Enthusiasm. But not only was Weathers game to portray himself as a near pathological cheapskate, that idea was his pitch. Show creator Mitch Hurwitz originally imagined having Carl on the show to recreate a very homoerotic scene from Rocky III. But before he could explain that to Weathers on the phone, the actor apparently had a sense that it might be where Hurwitz was going and preemptively said he didn't want to spoof any Rocky scenes and instead suggested that he could just be really cheap. Hurwitz loved it. I think we all did. In an era when celebrities playing themselves seem half the time or more to be playing an improved version of themselves, Steph Curry and Mr. Throwback, I'm rolling my eyes at you, the Carl Weathers take on Carl Weathers in Arrested Developments feels even more daring and silly. Number two, you don't have to know that backstory to love the performance. Tara: [1:09:49] Weathers doesn't just get some of the best lines of any guest star on this famously well-written show. He gets some of the most memorable lines of the whole series, asterisk, good seasons. When Carl hears that Tobias' wife works in a restaurant, of course he knows the ins and outs and how he could take advantage, clip two. Do they get a shift meal or do they just pay half price on select menu items? Carl buys all his cars at police auctions. When Carl ends up in the middle of a food fight, he A, calmly pours himself and his student's mother-in-law glasses of wine before it gets thrown, and B, makes sure to get himself on TV, claiming he's facing at least $50,000 worth of medical bills resulting from the incident. Carl has important lessons to tell his student Tobias about both acting and cuisine. Clip three. There are probably people who only know Carl Weathers from this role. I think that's just fine. And I hope that before we lost him, he thought that was just fine, too. And that is why the Carl Weathers performance as Carl Weathers from Arrested Development should be inducted into the cameo canon. Dave: [1:11:16] Thank you, Tara. Sarah, start us off. Sarah: [1:11:18] There's so much about this role that is perfect. And one of my favorite things about it is that it commits completely to a fairly narrow band of characterization. He never, Weathers never cheats it. But there are things that like it goes back to over and over again without seeming to hammer on it or being too much. Like the variations on getting a stew on. just two adults getting a stew on you got a stew going, it's such a smart idea and such a smart way to think of the cameo period like even if it weren't kind of disappointing as to your envisioning of Carl Weathers. First of all, it's obviously fake, but there's something about it that's extremely focused and doesn't try to do anything except this. And when it was in its good seasons, that was Arrested Development's gift is that it's like, you don't have to try to do everything with a certain idea. You just thoroughly mine that idea. The other thing it was good at was like little background moments at times and him clinking glasses with Lucille while this food fight is happening. And he's like, oh, well, this wine will be free. Sarah: [1:12:38] I mean, so smart. He also committed to it, but understood that the idea was like this medium sized idea that they were going to do fully and didn't overplay it. Very funny. Like the first line of it where he's like a crazy loophole in the system that the wrong guy discovered. and it's almost like he knows that he's being filmed I mean it's just very it's very good and very well thought through by the entire team and then the idea of pairing this or like contrasting it with Tobias is perfect so well done everybody involved including Tara on the presentation yeah all. Dave: [1:13:17] Of that plus the fact that Carl Weathers changed the notion from it being a rocky joke to him being. Sarah: [1:13:24] This version. Dave: [1:13:25] Of himself that is always out for the bargain, always out to pad his bottom line with everybody else's food and whatnot is fantastic. I really can't add too much more but to say that, you know, Carl Weathers was fantastic in this role. He was like unexpected and just knowing that it was his idea just kind of makes it weirdly heartwarming, especially now that he's gone. All right, let's put this to the official vote. Sarah D. Bunting, It is the Cameo Cannon. Carl Weathers in Arrested Development. Yay or nay? Sarah: [1:13:56] There is plenty of meat left on that bone. I say yay. Dave: [1:14:00] Absolutely. Here we go. Tara: [1:14:01] Woo-hoo. Dave: [1:14:02] All right, that means Carl Weathers and the rest of the development, you are hereby inducted into the tiny Cameo Cannon. Dave: [1:14:12] One, two, three, four, five, All right, this is a pre-tape, so we are talking our not-quite-top-11 list, except mine is a not-quite-top-28 TV shows that could be tertiary candy brand names. Did I make this list on Halloween night? Yes, I did. Have I been sitting on it? Yes, I have. Is it, in fact, the next day as we tape this? Tara: [1:14:43] What? Dave: [1:14:43] Yeah, maybe. But here we go. Not-quite-top-28 TV shows that could be tertiary candy brand names. Sweet Tooth, Twin Peaks, Dark Matter, Breaking Bad, mash three's company good times soap honey west green acres double dare high rollers tic-tac-toe wipeout blue thunder zoo helix sense eight the leftovers yellow jackets Cheers, Full House, Picket Fences, Now and Again, 227, Seventh Heaven, and Sliders. Tara: [1:15:33] When you do this for sodas, don't forget Dr. Odyssey as a knockoff Dr. Pepper. That's right. Sarah: [1:15:40] Oh, God. Absolutely. Dave: [1:15:42] From Rite Aid. Tara: [1:15:43] That's right. Dave: [1:15:44] Sarah. Sarah: [1:15:45] Not quite 11 TV ways to make it a white Christmas. Number one, Walter White Christmas, Breaking Bad Marathon. Number two, Jeremy Allen White Christmas, The Bear Marathon. Number three, Betty White Christmas, Golden Girls Marathon. Number four, Jaleel White Christmas, Family Matters Marathon. Number five, Mike White Christmas. You got a lot to choose from there. I'd suggest the Amazing Race season he was on. Number six, Avana White Christmas, Wheel of Fortune. number seven white collar christmas number eight white lotus christmas number nine wyatt russell christmas she doesn't want that at lodge 49 and number 10 the magic of the holidays leo wyatt christmas an old school charmed original flavor marathon. Tara: [1:16:41] I've brought the not quite top 11 TV carols and I'm counting down from 10 to one Dave, please play clip 10. I want to feel you from inside. Also, it's Christmas. It is December 25th. That is today. Also, Oh. Tara: [1:18:08] Late at night at night thing at Christmas, then it's a Christmassy thing and you can count on it being recycled every year. It works for him and I hope works for Matt. I watch this special every year. It's very funny. Please play Clip 9. Now it's very nearly X-Men, we've done the best we could. These toy soldiers. Tara: [1:18:42] You did the best you could, I guess, and some of these gorillas are okay. We're adequate. The elves have rescued X-Mas Day. Hooray! This list is not all songs. It's just some because I've already used some of these in wrapping paper tube tunes years ago. This is from Futurama. I do think more Christmas songs need to threaten violence and include Bastard in the lyrics. That's why I had to put it at number nine. Please play clip eight. Tara: [1:19:44] This is very much of its moment. This is a TV Funhouse segment, Christmas Time for the Jews, sung by Darlene Love, co-written by Robert Smigel and Julie Klasner, who are both of the Jewish faith. There's more to it than that. It's like a stop motion, black and white. It's really cute. We'll link it in the show notes. But the premise of this is these are all the things Jewish people can do on Christmas when all of the Christmas celebrators have cleared the streets. Moving on, my seventh most important TV carol, Carol Brady, of course, from the Brady Bunch, Florence Henderson, we talked about recently on the podcast. Number six, Carol Kester Bondurant, Marshall Wallace from the Bob Newhart show, Get in the Basement, etc. Please play clip five, Dave. Tara: [1:20:46] The more carol-y of the two memorable songs from How the Grinch Stole Christmas, even though I do kind of prefer the one where it's just basically a diss track about the Grinch and how shitty he is in extreme detail. Fourth most important TV carol, Carol Burnett. Third, Carol Kane of Unbreakable, Kimmy Schmidt and Taxi. Number two, Carol Denise Nash. We know her better as Niecy. And number one, please play that clip, Dave. Tara: [1:21:57] Of love and dreams to share I am a psycho for Christmas. I love Christmas, but I have to put this number one as an example of wistful Christmas used to wonderful effect in the Royal Tenenbaums. That is the song from A Charlie Brown Christmas. God bless Vince Vigualdi. Made one for the ages with that. Tara: [1:22:28] Today's extra credit topic comes to us from Sean P. Sean calls it character actors welcome and writes, I may not watch many network shows anymore, but there is still great money to be made there. Pitch a character arc on an existing network show to give a sweet payday to a beloved character actor, one that will have you saying good for them. Sarah. Sarah: [1:22:49] My first selection for this is Dale Dickey. She was a prison gang leader in Justified. She's usually playing some kind of marginalized country with a K type. She was in Claws. She was in the League of Their Own series. She's in everything. That's why I'm bringing her in here. I would like to see her on Dr. Odyssey cast against her usual type as an extremely polished corporate efficiency expert sent to the ship to find corners to cut safety be damned. Probably several episodes worth of clashes with crew and captain. Make it clear that one, she has very damaging information about ownership corruption and two, her growing groiny feelings for Captain Don Johnson will awaken her inner whistleblower and probably some other kind of blowers. But that's a matter for February sweeps and you'll have to tune in to find out what it is. Tara: [1:23:45] Nice. Sarah: [1:23:46] Dave. Dave: [1:23:47] I did this three times because I misread it three times or it wasn't clear three times. I don't want to relitigate all that, but anyway, so this is not quite, I think, what the question should be, or this is not quite what the answer should be, but it's just what you said with another stupid twist on it. Tara: [1:24:02] I guess. Okay. Dave: [1:24:03] Well, I thought it was pick a character actor and then end the show that they will make money on because it's a network show. Tara: [1:24:11] Yes. Dave: [1:24:12] They make money. Tara: [1:24:14] Oh, okay. Okay. Dave: [1:24:16] Here we go. Richard Kind is the gold tooth fairy who steals gold teeth of the FBI's most wanted in FBI most wanted in their sleep. I learned FBI most wanted is a TV show and part of CBS's Tuesday, three hours, all FBI rock block, which is FBI, FBI international and FBI most wanted. There are three hours of an FBI show I didn't know existed until I tried to find a vehicle for Richard Kind to make some money on. Tara: [1:24:48] Yeah. Sarah: [1:24:48] Yeah. Tara: [1:24:49] Okay. For my first one, I want Paul Giamatti to be able to continue making wonderful movies like The Holdovers. Speaking of things we watch every year at the holidays, I believe that one is going to join the annals this year after premiering last year. Wonderful movies like that, not boring-looking dumb guy shows like Billions. So I would like to cast him on a seemingly indestructible show that shoots in New York where he lives. And that is why he is going to be the irascible new public defender on Law & Order Special Victims Unit. A show that will never be canceled. Let him make money on it till the end of time. Back to Sarah. Sarah: [1:25:26] Wilds. Maybe he's in the same arc with Greta Lee, who may have risen above character actor status by this point. But that doesn't mean I don't want to see her on Law & Order SVU. as the creator slash keeper of a shitty media men-esque list that has been renamed something like crappy writer guys. Not my committee. The denizens of this list are getting drugged and waking up castrated as the Nutcracker enacts their long overdue reign of terror on Manhattan's editorial elite, but I'm paraphrasing, Greta Lee refuses to help police or turn over contributor information, but does that mean she's the Nutcracker? It might. I haven't decided. And again, that's above my pay grade, but it would truly be a pleasure to know that she is making that sweet procedural residual money. Dave. Dave: [1:26:17] Cherry Jones as this year's Golden Bachelorette, who's actually an FBI agent going undercover to catch an international jewel thief on the exciting fourth hour of FBI programming after your local news. It's FBI after dark. Sarah: [1:26:31] Love it. Tara: [1:26:32] All right. Well, I don't know how I follow that, but I don't know if Papa's House is going to last. But since it's on CBS and it stars two members of the Wayans family, I feel like it has a better shot than most. So let's get Regina Hall in there as private chef Hazel Reed, sister to Papa's new co-host Ivy Reed, played by Asset Zadkins. Regina Hall is funny. Let's let her be funny in something that is not too taxing. Please, please. Dave: [1:27:01] And that is it for an XL episode of Extra, Extra Hot Great. We watched over 50 holiday commercials from the year 1984 and reported back on the best of the bunch before getting our stew on with Tara's successful case for putting the late Carl Weathers in the cameo canon. We listed off the not-quite-28 shows that sound like tertiary candy brand names, the not-quite-top-11 ways to have a white Christmas, and the not-quite-top-11 TV carols. And we wrapped it all up with ways to get character actors paid on network TV. Remember! we're listening i am david t cole and on behalf of tar ariano pro and sarah d bunting you're. Sarah: [1:27:50] Married to carl weathers boop. Dave: [1:27:52] Thanks for listening and we'll see you next time right here on extra Extra Hot Great. Dave: [1:28:21] This is Extra Hot Great Mini. Today's topic is titular switcheroos. Tara: [1:28:30] Like how you really hit the titular, Dave. Today's extra credit topic comes to us from Greg underscore French on Twitter, who demands, hey, fuckos. Just kidding. Sarah: [1:28:44] He didn't. Tara: [1:28:45] Reverse the title of an existing show to make a better show. For example, Tuck Nip and include a plot summary. Sarah, please start. Sarah: [1:28:55] Mine is Under Six Feet, a last chance you type of docuseries about the struggle facing short basketball players who hope for pro careers. Tara: [1:29:06] Dan. Dan: [1:29:08] Ah, mine is called Park South. It's the tale of a misunderstood, underappreciated realtor who works in a large eastern coast city near a very large park, similar to Central Park, but not Central Park, but made by the same people. Tara: [1:29:36] Sure. Dan: [1:29:36] And he basically attempts to help people rent and or buy property, and no one loves him and understands him. And he fights crime at night. Okay. Sarah: [1:29:56] Excellent. Tara: [1:29:57] Sure. I'll go next. Family Modern is the story of the dynasty behind a mini chain of mid-century furniture boutiques in the Los Angeles area. Dave. Sarah: [1:30:09] Woodwatch. Dave: [1:30:11] Empire Boardwalk is a man-on-the-street propaganda vehicle for Emperor Palpatine's new regime post the events of Star Wars Episode III. Hosted by an entire garrison of stormtroopers, they hit the streets where they interview ordinary, law-abiding, peace-loving citizens of the Galactic Empire going about their daily business, and to solicit their uncensored opinions on everything from hunting down death-stick merchants in the lower levels of the Imperial City planet, to getting justice for the Union workers killed on the terrorist attacks all over the Empire. So I don't have a plot summary per se, because it's all about opinions about the men and women on the street, but I can share with you one of the segments that deals with current cultural trends. And here we go. Is this worse than jizz?