The Would You Rather? Rath-boree

Tara: [0:00] Hmm... All right, let me take a do-do-do-do... Mmm... Mmm... Mmm... Let me . No. No? Tell him no. Thanks, asshole. And fuck you. Dave: [1:29] This is the Extra Hot Grape Podcast, episode 559 for the week of April 23rd, 2025. I am illegal, none of the above option, David T. Cole. And I'm here with filled in blank, Sarah D. Bunting. Sarah: [1:48] That's precedent, Miles, to you. Dave: [1:50] And Option Paralysis, Tara Ariano. Tara: [1:53] I'll go last. Welcome to Extra Hot Great for another week. It's just the three of us. We are pre-taping this very, very special episode that I, and only I, am calling the Would You Rather Rathbary. I thought of what we could call future installments if we decide to do this again, which I hope we do. For example, Would You Rather Rathbary Beret. That was one that occurred to me when I drifting off to sleep last night. Anyway, we've done Would You Rather episodes in the past. It's basically a complete thought experiment. Both the options are supposed to be very appealing or very unappealing. It depends on the asker. And for this one, we have reached out to our friends and past guests to give us brain teasers of the Would You Rather variety. I have listened to the clips just to edit them and order them. I have not prepared any answers, God knows. But Sarah and Dave are coming into this completely blind. And there are a few on this list that are only going to be for one of us at a time. So I've peppered those through. Shall we just get into it? Dave: [3:13] I say we should. Tara: [3:15] Stretch our minds. Dave: [3:16] Okay. Sarah: [3:18] Okay, cut that. At the minds, Jim. Tara: [3:22] All right, let's get into it. First up is Will Leach. Hello. I am Will Leach, contributing editor of New York Magazine, writer for the Washington, The answer, of course, is up to you. Goodbye. Thank you, Will. We will put a link in the show notes to pre-order his new book, Lloyd McNeil's Last Ride, coming out in May. just optioned for a film adaptation this week. So congratulations, Will. Very cool. Sarah: [4:28] Nice job, Leach. Tara: [4:29] Let's go in the order in my Zoom window and then we'll switch it up for who has to answer first. So Dave, according to this, you are first for this one. Dave: [4:39] Would you rather attend a Kennedy Center event with Ron Swanson or Mike Ehrmantraut with the proviso that you also have to talk about it after? Tara: [4:47] That's right. Dave: [4:47] I'm moving towards Mike Ehrmantraut because I think we would share a willingness to let the silence talk for us. Not that Ron Swanson is a man of many words, but I think Mike Ehrmantraut is less beholden to appearances. It might be a slight difference, but I feel Mike Ehrmantraut just like truly doesn't give a shit about anything. And he wants to get to the end of the night as quickly as possible. And as I say this, I'm thinking, well, yeah, Ron Swanson too. But there's something about Irma Trout's, and I guess maybe it's his police background slash being an enforcer in the, quote, present day, that makes me feel like we would just look at each other after the curtain went down and say, like, we're going to sit in silence for the rest of this, aren't we? Yeah, we are. Yeah, we are. And, you know, that's what's going to happen. So my gut is telling me, go with Ehrman Trout for the quickest path to silence and exiting this terrible night. I don't want to be at the Kennedy Center for anything, frankly. Tara: [5:53] Under any administration, I feel that's true. Dave: [5:56] The Kennedy Center is just a theater, right? Tara: [5:58] Yeah. Dave: [5:59] Like, we're not going there and eating something. No. It's a dinner theater. Tara: [6:02] No. Dave: [6:02] It's not some event. Tara: [6:03] No. No, but Will has added, you're going out for dinner after to discuss. Dave: [6:08] Right. Tara: [6:08] That's part of his rubric. Dave: [6:10] Well, I think that's when Ron Swanson becomes a problem. Because Ron Swanson at a dinner has very particular food needs and food wants. And he's very... Sarah: [6:21] They do not cross paths with Dave's and mine. Right. Dave: [6:24] You had me in Meat Tornado. Tara: [6:25] Yep. Dave: [6:26] So I think that solidifies my choice of Mike Ehrman Trout. Not that we would just also be at the dinner, like, let's get this over with. Tara: [6:33] Right. I agree. It's going to be Mike. I mean, I assume based on the caveats that we'll put around this, that the production we're seeing is something that is deemed, you know, quote, acceptable, unquote. So let's say it's Oklahoma, a very traditional staging of that, let's say, just for the sake of argument. I don't think Ron wants to see a musical of any kind any more than Dave does, honestly. I think Mike would enjoy that more for reasons unknown, even if it's only a degree more than Ron would. Dave: [7:03] Ron Swanson's, I'm going to imagine, take on musicals is that it slows down just telling you what's happening. Right? Just cut the songs and tell me what's going on. That's a Ron Swanson version of a musical. Tara: [7:15] Yes. And I agree that after afterwards, I mean, I honestly don't think any of them is going to express any political opinions I don't agree with. I mean, Ron is a libertarian, so I don't think he's any happier about how things are going right now than I am for different reasons. But I just don't think Mike wants to engage. He doesn't know me. He's not going to open up to me. I just think he's going to shut down and we'll just get through this and then we'll never have to see each other again. And this will just be a blip in his life and he'll go kill someone tomorrow. Dave: [7:48] All he's concerned about is you stay away from his granddaughter. Tara: [7:50] That's right. He wants me to stay away from his granddaughter and I will. Sarah? Sarah: [7:55] Absolutely, Ehrman Trout. No question. Probably my favorite character in that universe, actually. I think that actually we would have a good conversation. I don't want to do this and neither would he. I feel like any circumstances under which he's like supposed to have his phone turned off and can't really be checking the exits like this is not his preferred way to spend an evening. Tara: [8:20] Yeah. Sarah: [8:20] So at dinner, we are going to talk a lot about process-y shit involving the production. Like hopefully we're seated sort of like way over to the sides. We can see some things that are happening in the wings and stuff like that. And I think that he would engage on that level. And I am familiar with a taciturn but extremely knowledgeable and effectual Philadelphia area dude. I was raised by that. you know, more hair and in finance. So that's fine. Like Irma Trout, I love that guy. Plus, we're at like Bison Hut somewhere in the, you know, off the Beltway and who eats it. Tara: [9:00] Yeah. You're eating the fries. Hope they weren't cooked in beefed aloe. Yep. Sarah: [9:04] Yeah. Tara: [9:05] All right. Next, this is from Nick Reinwell-Jones. He was one of the multiple submitters. Let's see who's first up from Nick. Hello, dear friends. I have a would you rather for each of you. Dave: [9:17] So, starting with Tara. He sounds like he's doing a kingpin impression from Daredevil. Sarah: [9:24] Tara, would you rather go up against Monica. Dave: [9:28] Geller in a bedroom cleaning competition or go up against Jane Kirkovich Williams in Game Night? Tara: [9:36] Oh okay these are characters of course from friends and happy endings you know i am very competitive that is true and so there is probably part of me that would be interested in seeing if i could clean better than monica even though i definitely couldn't so you know i i probably would not even attempt that one honestly the only reason to not go up against jane at game night is out of fear that she would kill me, like actually murder me with her hands. But I'd take that chance. I feel like this was pretty cut and dried one. You know, I bow my head to Monica's cleaning talents. I don't want to clean. I don't want to step to her in the cleaning arena. Dave: [10:20] Well, flip it. Look at this as an opportunity to spend time with one of them. Which one do you want to spend more time with? Tara: [10:26] Probably Jane. Dave: [10:27] Okay. Tara: [10:28] Honestly. Monica's a lot. Dave: [10:30] She is a lot. She's super annoying. Sarah: [10:34] She could be talked out of murdering you, though, Jane. No way. Tara: [10:37] Right, right. True. Dave: [10:39] By the way, I'm sure you know this, and I'm like the last on the trivia train on this. I acknowledge it. But during clip hunting for all the things that we're recording today, I came across the original Friends credit sequence for the pilot before it was called Friends. It was still called Friends Like Us or something like that. Have you seen this? Tara: [10:58] Probably. Dave: [10:58] It's kind of the same vibe of the credits, you know, like them doing goofy stuff on the couch and shit like that as before they had the backlot scenes. And it was shiny happy people was the theme. Tara: [11:09] Oh. Dave: [11:10] Yeah. Sarah: [11:10] Kind of similar. Tara: [11:12] Interesting. Dave: [11:12] But the font they use looks like some sort of like CorelDRA English letter set take on a Chinese calligraphy font. It was so bad. And it's like pink and red gradient. Everything's terrible is happening. If they, the font would have sunk the show, is what I'm saying. Tara: [11:30] Well, I'll look that up and put it in the show notes. Let's hear the next clip, number three. Hello, this is Josh Gondelman, friend of the podcast and occasional, the world of I think you should leave or the world of the Twilight Zone? Which series of horrors and ironies and discomforts would you rather subject yourselves to? Dave: [12:00] Oh, yeah. too indefinitely. Tara: [12:04] Thanks for considering. Look forward to hearing your answers. Bye. Sarah, start us off. Sarah: [12:10] Oh, I hate this and kind of hate Josh Gondelman, the least hateable person on earth. Dave: [12:20] They say Josh Gondelman is a nice dude, but I think we're learning here. Tara: [12:23] Maybe he's not. Sarah: [12:24] Yeah, we are all looking for the dude who did this. Oh, wait, it's Josh Gondelman. I'm just kidding. We love you, Josh. This is really a tough one. I'm going to go with Twilight Zone because depending on how living in the universe is defined, it's like you're sort of making your way through various episodes, not like to a final boss or anything, but like you're just in the dimension where this would occur. These kinds of things would occur. Sometimes they're bad. Sometimes they're just weird. And sometimes you're the dog. Sometimes you're the hydrant kind of thing. I look better in black and white, honestly. So that's part of it. There is really a lot of screaming. And I think you should leave, which it's the best screaming in comedy. Don't get me wrong. But it's just like, it's a little much for every day. There are also like a lot of spitting things. polyester costumes. I don't know. I feel like Twilight Zone aesthetically would be a little easier to deal with. And if I am wished into the corn or I don't have a mouth or my glasses break or whatever, I live in a Republican Brooklyn. This kind of shit happens all the time. Sarah: [13:36] I'm going to go with Twilight Zone. I just feel that it would be a little less invasive aurally and a little more sort of interesting even if it was terrible there'd be there'd be more like puzzle solving and process that would at least keep me like entertained while i was i don't know floating in space all alone or wherever i wherever i get wished to or there's something on the wing like well this is why i don't fly this is a familiar sensation i can i can manage it so i'm gonna say twilight zone but i'm interested to hear other votes insert. Dave: [14:10] Myself in here. I don't know what the order is. Tara: [14:11] You're next. Yeah. Dave: [14:12] What it comes down to for me is I think you can leave and Twilight Zone. I could say they're both very chaotic universes on the outside looking in. But if you dig into the code of the show, if there were programs, the Twilight Zone has understandable rules or at least has some rules. Whereas I think you can leave is pure maelstrom chaos. It is unknowable. Sarah: [14:38] Untethered from, yep. Dave: [14:40] The one microsecond after the big bang where you're like, I don't know what to make sense of everything. There's this guy next to me. He's got a cigar and a hat and on the decal on his window. Somebody's drinking pee. Like, like somebody's trying to order 55 this and 55 that. Like there is no way to attack living inside of I think you should leave. You are just at the mercy of these fantastical and random-seeming episodes of life. Sarah: [15:11] You're just getting Calvin Balled like every 90 seconds. Dave: [15:14] Calvin Ball is a perfect way to put it, Sarah. You were getting Calvin Balled 24-7 by Tim Robinson and company. Whereas The Twilight Zone, okay, there is this kid that can do anything, but you know, don't anger the kid. Some of them are a little hard to figure out what you should do. Like, what do you do with the Kremlin on the wing? How do you solve that problem? Maybe it's the Kobayashi Maru number one for William Shatner because there is just no way of winning that one. But as a whole, much more understandable universe in the Twilight Zone. Sarah: [15:46] Exactly right. Tara: [15:47] I mean, the question is sort of like, do you are you living in I think you should leave as Tim or as one of the people, you know, are you the person who's getting screwed over with the beef on the nachos or are you the person who's getting all of the good toppings and being complained about, you know? Sarah: [16:03] This is actually a question for both, I guess. It's like, are we non-player characters? And like when the quote episode ends, whatever that means, or the sketch ends, like are we still there doing that? Like Truman Show style? Dave: [16:18] Okay, how about this? Just as a side project. You are in both those universes, but you are the chaos agent in both those universes. So if you are the hat guy, you are Tim Robinson in the car. If you are in Twilight Zone, you are the gremlin on the wing. Where would you have more fun? Tara: [16:35] Yeah. Dave: [16:36] I would have more fun than Twilight Zone in that case. Tara: [16:38] Yeah. Sarah: [16:38] Yeah, same. Tara: [16:39] I'm also voting Twilight Zone just in the sense of like, it's about solving the puzzle of what the story is, you know, and in figuring out what your role is in it versus I think you should leave is generally taken as a whole. the story of a person being unable to admit they did not think ahead and refusing to say they made a mistake. And in a sense, that's the world we already live in. So let's try the Twilight Zone. Sarah: [17:09] Yeah. Tara: [17:09] Can it really be worse? One wonders. So that's my pick. Dave: [17:13] Great. Tara: [17:14] All right. Carrie Race is another one who submitted individual would you rathers for each of us. So let's hear from her next. Hello, friends. This is Pizza Carrie, and I have a would-you-rather for each, or produce and edit a podcast hosted by The Swedish Chef? Dave: [17:47] Oh, boy. so the good wife generally speaking did a pretty good job presenting technology on the screens i think the it job there would be generally okay i don't think it's as bad as you would get at like a bigger office with at a call center or something like that would be like crazy but. Tara: [18:10] Don't forget they do have that one the jerry adler character who's like super old that they keep trying to force out. You know, he's breaking his email 23 times a day. Sarah: [18:19] Right. Dave: [18:20] But I think you can set him up basically with a my first computer Fisher Price take on a computer where you give him something that is basically closed off, shut down. Basically, you just give him an iPad and how much damage can you do with an iPad? Right. We'll find out, I guess. Sarah: [18:36] Yeah. Dave: [18:37] I'm gravitating towards producing a podcast with the Swedish chef just because I want to see what that is. I mean, I'm obviously not going to understand what he's saying. I'm a little worried about the equipment because he's a very kinetic individual. The headphones are not going to stay on his head for more than a minute after the start of the podcast. Sarah: [18:55] Cores are going to get cleavered during heat grip. Dave: [18:59] But at least at the end of the day, I have something to point to and say, I did that. Whereas IT, it's just like you're always like rolling that boulder up the hill, right? Like it's just like it never stops and there's no end game and there's no pride in what you do. Like I stopped something from happening that might have happened, but you can't prove a negative. So you never really get kudos for what you do. I mean, you get paid well. Sure. And Swedish Chef is like one of my favorite Muppet characters. that obviously all the kids gravitate towards him because he's like basically Mr. Bean sort of universal language character. Yeah. So I enjoy him in that regard as well. I mean, what would the Swedish Chef podcast be about? If you could understand him, what would it be? Tara: [19:41] Presumably it would be a cooking podcast, right? Wouldn't he be giving like recipes? Dave: [19:44] It would be a video podcast, you think? It would be like Babish, whatever that guy is, the mixed food on the TV food. Tara: [19:50] Right, but here's the question, Dave. What happens when he like is like, who heard of her. And then he says something, he's like, take that out. You're not going to know. Dave: [19:59] But neither is anybody else. Tara: [20:00] You're going to release it. You're going to be Amy Sugarman releasing the podcast. Sarah: [20:05] Yeah, true. Dave: [20:06] Who understands Swedish Chef? Can Swedes understand Swedish Chef? It's also unintelligible for the Swedes. Tara: [20:15] Right. Dave: [20:15] So I feel like I could put it out. Tara: [20:16] Right. Dave: [20:17] Almost as is. Tara: [20:18] Right. Sarah: [20:18] Yeah. Tara: [20:19] And that's true. If he comes and yells at you after, you'll be like, great, I thought it was wonderful too. and have no idea that he's mad at you. Sarah: [20:25] Years later, his wife tells Smithsonian Magazine that he was actually discussing the films of Ingmar Bergman in some depth. Dave: [20:33] This is where it gets dark. Because the Swedish chef must live a very, very, very lonely life because nobody can understand him. He's talking, he's talking, he's trying to say his fill, he's trying to convince you of something, he's trying to communicate with something, he's trying to reach out, he's trying to make friends, but nobody understands him. We all just nod, smile, and laugh at him because he seems like a funny guy, but he might be hurting inside. Tara: [20:54] Yeah. Dave: [20:54] But it's not my problem as a podcast producer. My job is just to get that product out. Tara: [20:59] All right. Let's hear number five. Hello, friends. This is David Roth. We've been going over the would you rather question here, of Bosch with the role of Bosch replaced with Jerry Seinfeld from the show Seinfeld or an entire season of the show Seinfeld. Sarah: [21:25] Obviously, it's longer with Bosch as Bosch taking the place of Jerry. We look forward to hearing your answer. And I hope. Tara: [21:35] You all are doing well. Thank you, David Roth. And thank you, wife. I don't know if he wants to dox her name, but we love you, too. Dave: [21:41] Mrs. Roth. Tara: [21:42] Mrs. Roth. Sarah, I'm going to break the order because obviously you have to answer this one first. Sarah: [21:47] Well, thank you so much for this question. David Roth, the only other person who watches and treasures. the same way that I do or to the same level, I feel. So Jerry Seinfeld in an L.A. noir or in a sort of like, not sunny, but comedy of manners, cranky sitcom. Tara: [22:13] Sure. Sarah: [22:14] Oh, that that is tough. Seinfeld is like the weakest actor of Seinfeld. The vibes are completely different, but I think they may share a similarly dim view of humanity. Like, Jerry of Seinfeld would have really no use for his child, Maddie, on the show, like, in-universe. That whole thing would be deleted, I guess. Because, you know, I think that B-B-B-Bosh can, as a universe, can withstand a replacement of Titus Welliver, who is and has been brilliant in the role, I think. And I love him, but I think the show can better withstand, structurally, the replacement of Titus Welliver with Jerry Seinfeld than Seinfeld can in the other direction. So I am going to say entire season of Bosch with Jerry being like, what's the deal with crime scene tape? Like, OK, the seasons are not that long. I will manage. Tara: [23:25] That's a shame. Dave: [23:27] Dave Oh I definitely want to see Bosch and Seinfeld because I don't watch Bosch but I feel like he's got a lot of, improvisational no energy that he would bring to the table that would just stop dead every Seinfeld interaction like they're at the Monk's Cafe George says something stupid instead of Jerry sort of egging him on for more information like Bosch is just like uh-huh don't care Yeah. Sarah: [23:56] Just like elbows him to death. Yeah. Dave: [23:58] So I would just like to see the version of Seinfeld that is constantly pumping the brakes just as a exercise in terrible television. Sarah: [24:06] Like how long does Kramer survive when Bosch is like, oh, my God, stop fucking bursting in here. Doesn't anyone lock their doors in this town? Dave: [24:14] Right. Would Bosch Jerry be tickled by Sucili Jerry? No. How well would he do in the Master of Your Domain contest? Is he better or worse than Jerry Seinfeld? Tara: [24:25] Right. Dave: [24:25] These are questions I think would be interesting for me as somebody who is conversant in Seinfeld to have Bosch answer. Whereas the flip, Seinfeld in Bosch, less interesting to me just because I'm not really into police procedurals as much. So I would love to see. I mean, you know, thinking about more like iconic Seinfeld moments and then inserting the Bosch character in there to kind of figure out how that would change it. Like we could be here for another 10 minutes. So I really like that dynamic. Sarah: [24:53] But there's so many episodes that Bosh would just be like. Dave: [24:57] Puffy shirt. Tara: [24:57] You're not doing this. That's the one I was thinking of. But I don't want to be a pirate is a very different line coming out of it. Dave: [25:04] Yeah. Sarah: [25:04] Yeah. Or like, Soup is not a meal. And it's like, My gun says it is. Fuck off. Like, Okay. Yeah. That's, you know, three-minute episodes, which might be a good thing. But yeah, I mean, I still am sticking on my answer, but Dave, you make excellent points. Tara: [25:19] I mean, Bosch versus the Soup Nazi, now that's something I want to see. But I'm going to stick on my original answer, which is we sort of got a version of what this could be when Jerry Seinfeld, I believe, hosted SNL and they did a whole film segment that imagines Jerry being incarcerated after the series finale in Oz and him interacting with like the real actors from Oz and like just doing his usual shtick in prison. So this is what I imagined that it would, the Bosch would be. And I think that sounds hilarious. And so I'm going to say a season of Bosch with Jerry in the lead role, just being completely flummoxed by everything, trying to bring his, as I said earlier, comedy of manners, you know, interests to the environment, being annoyed at all the LA-ness of it because that's something that already happened on the show. I think they go to LA when Kim Kramer goes there. I'm going to say Seinfeld in Bosch for sure. But Dave's vision of the opposite is also very appealing. That's a real tough one. All right, Nick is up again. Let's hear it. For Sarah, would you rather watch Dawson Leary try to solve a multiple watch Robert Gorin try to make an experimental film that's secretly a love letter to his crush? Dave: [26:42] Wow. Nice. Tara: [26:44] Sarah has left. She turned off the Zoom. She sold her house. We don't know where she is. She's gone. Sarah: [26:50] I have left my body. I am dead. Avenge me. Right. So Dawson Leary tried to solve a multiple of us. Tara: [27:01] The thing about that is, you know, he thinks he could. Like if someone told him that he'd be like, all right, how hard can it be? Sarah: [27:09] Yeah, but here's the thing. We have seen in-universe that when presented with a sort of mysterious stranger from out of town who he sees breaking into a neighbor's house and finds working at a strip club, and she's somehow a classmate, or not a classmate, but she makes it out like she's attending Capeside High. Go Minutemen. But then they have no record of her. Like, he does not ask really any questions that don't have to do with him. Tara: [27:43] Right. Sarah: [27:44] Because he is Dawson. For him to, like, unless the homicide was like, you know, it's actually a little surprising that he wouldn't have to try to solve his own homicide, like Sunset Boulevard style. Like, how is this asshole not been killed? But unless it is someone that is in his life all the time, and unless it was written in blood like, Dawson, you're next, he is so incurious about the experiences and grief of others that I think he would just be in his feelings about it, and that's it. Like, the solution is I am sad is not a solution. So I would rather watch the Robert Gorin love letter because as we're watching this happen. Wait, are we watching him make the movie or we're just watching the movie? Tara: [28:41] I assume watch him make it like on Dawson's. Sarah: [28:44] Oh, OK. I would rather watch him make it because there's going to be all of this random filmmaking trivia, set stories, unpublished oral histories of the making of, I mean, not even a good movie, like cuffs. He will have access to this information. Also, he will be trying to shoot every scene while bent double at the waist. I mean, I like making of documentaries, and I feel like this would be really something to watch because he should not have this encyclopedic level of information about anything that he has. But I always learn something on criminal intent. So Detective Gorin makes a Romana Clay. Let's do it. Tara: [29:31] All right. Our next one comes from Andy Dennert. Let's hear it. Hello, friends. Okay. Would you rather live alone in the Big Brother house. Dave: [29:41] Three months or live in your house but with Survivor host Jeff Probst living there for three months? Now, keep in mind, the Big Brother house is about half a soundstage large. There are two. Tara: [30:20] Clear jeff probes living in your house will come along with his challenge persona and his tribal council persona, so he will be narrating every single aspect of your life in the most obvious, while also judging your actions and occasionally screaming, that's how you do it on Survivor! So, good luck with this one. Dave: [30:41] So wait, how long in the Big Brother house was it? Tara: [30:44] Three months. Dave: [30:44] Three months. Sarah: [30:45] Three months. Dave: [30:45] Three months in each scenario. Okay. Sarah: [30:48] Yes. Dave: [30:48] All right. Tara: [30:49] Start us off, Dave. Dave: [30:50] Oh, okay. Tara: [30:52] How much does Dave want to be alone for three months cut off from the outside world? Dave: [30:58] Okay, the outside world isn't the problem. The problem is the tyranny of strangers and... If you're in the Big Brother house, you're there with... Tara: [31:06] No, you're alone, he says. Dave: [31:07] Oh, I'm absolutely alone. Tara: [31:08] Yeah. Dave: [31:08] Oh, okay, sorry. The choice is being alone inside of the Big Brother set house. Or Jeff Proff lived with us for three months in our house. Tara: [31:18] And hosts your life. Dave: [31:19] And hosts our life. Living in the Big Brother house would be a sort of like living inside of a Kia, but much smaller roaming area. That feels like the vibe where you're like, I'm somewhere. It feels like it should be fun, but I'm here for too long for it to be fun. The Swedish meatballs are all moldy now. I didn't notice all the ants at first. Now there's ants everywhere and I can't go out to get any ant spray. That's bad. But is it as bad as Jeff Probst sullying our house for three months? And that's a stain I don't think you can get out of your house after that. Well, I mean, because then you're always haunted by the things that Jeff Probst told you. Right. And, you know, the animosity that's obviously going to be there after 12 hours, if not one hour. So I feel like even though it would be a pain in the ass to spend three months in the Big Brother house, there are less like terrible knockdown effects for the rest of my life if I just grin and bear it. I don't even know if they have reading material in the Big Brother house. I don't know what you can do. Tara: [32:26] You can bring a Bible. That's it. Dave: [32:27] Really? Yes. Well, It's a good time to learn the Bible, I guess. Praise him. So I'm going to go with staying in the Big Brother house because I just feel like after Jeff Probst has lived in your house for three months and you had that experience, that you might have to like sell your house and go to another house to feel like you're starting anew and you're not like, you know, encumbered by the Probst of it all. Tara: [32:51] You are so full of shit. You think you could go three months without the internet? Dave: [32:57] I'm not saying it'd be easy, but I'm saying all the work I would have to do to un-propsify my life after three months of props in my house is a better bargain. Tara: [33:09] I could not disagree more. First of all, I'm not going to sit here and act like I could live three months without TV. I definitely couldn't. Dave: [33:15] I would do a better job than you. I could say that much. I'm not saying I would be great at it. Tara: [33:19] But not without the Internet. You couldn't play your game. Dave: [33:22] I don't play my game that much. Tara: [33:24] Well, anyway, I think that having Jeff live here is, I mean, leaving aside Dave because assuming he's at the brother house. I would kind of like having Jeff. I mean, Jeff is mostly very positive. It's been a while since I've watched the show, but I think it would be fun to have him be like, yeah, that's how you flip an egg or whatever. Like, I think I would appreciate him, you know, bucking me up. And not only that, but I think after, you know, the first week of living with me, I think he would relax. I think I could I could tone him down. I could fix him. I could make him a good roommate. Right. The only question is, if Dave were here, if we would have to do like if Jeff would submit us to a tribal council every night where he like reviews the events of the day and then makes us discuss like what happens, like tribal councils, couples counseling. Sarah: [34:17] And then there's voting and you're like, do I actually have to get up? My stories are on. Dave: [34:22] Yeah. But with a fire hazard of doing doing tribal council every night. Sarah: [34:26] Yeah, he's got like all these tiki torches that he sets up like in front of the TV. And you're like, bitch, we talked about this every day since he got here. Dave: [34:35] The fire marshal would live down the street, dude. Tara: [34:36] I think I would certainly, it's less that I would enjoy living with Jeff and more that I would not be capable of spending three months alone in the Big Brother house without any stimulus. I would die for them. Dave: [34:47] I do disagree that you wouldn't be able to do the Big Brother house. And I think I would have a hard time. Well, I'm just saying I think I would have a better chance of making it through than you would. Tara: [34:56] I think I could, I think Jeff Probst is like, would be a good, a better roommate than no one. Dave: [35:02] And by the way, this whole thing, Dave, the internet, you are way more always on your phone than I am. Tara: [35:07] I'm just listening to podcasts. I'm not doing stuff. Dave: [35:10] Guess what the podcasts are from? The internet. Tara: [35:12] That's part of the internet. Dave: [35:12] Fine. Tara: [35:14] Sarah. Sarah: [35:15] Are you allowed to like write things at the Big Brother house? Tara: [35:20] I don't think so. Dave: [35:21] You have to use your own blood and your finger. Use a pen Sideshow Sarah. Sarah: [35:26] Okay I mean I got three months That's fine I mean I can Yeah I can Write on the Bible It depends on How you are allowed To spend your time Like if you're not Allowed to have Sort of like Outside world Stimuli Mm-hmm. Sarah: [35:41] In the Big Brother house, that's fine. There is a withdrawal period, but then I could do it if I had a project and if I have to work on a writing project. But in the oral tradition of the Homeric poets, where it's like you just have to recite the same shit that you wrote over and over again and drop in rosy-fingered dawn every now and then so you don't lose your place, would I lose the remaining tattered cobweb shreds of my mind probably and it would not take that long it'd be like day four it also depends on like how much challenge persona like how invasive is this because i don't actually need advice on taking a crap so get like do not be in the bathroom do not be in my room when i'm changing but i feel like those uh it being survivor those uh boundaries would not be observed and one of the things on tv that i hate the most truly is his fucking camp shirt i hate i hate it beyond all reason i think he's good at his job but he needs to not bring it to my home and i also feel like there would just be he's not going to get along with bear i can tell. Sarah: [37:02] Like, Bear is just going to be the kind of, like, chaotic contestant that he can't deal with. I get it. I can't deal with that chaotic contestant sometimes. Sarah: [37:11] I'm going to try the Big Brother house and hope that you are allowed to have, like, a pad and a pencil, at least. Because then I can amuse myself by documenting the circling of the drain of my sanity. Tara: [37:27] Mm-hmm. All right. Dave: [37:29] Yeah, but the other thing nobody's thought about is that the Survivor Tribal Council music is always playing in your house when Jeff Probst is just walking around. Oh, yeah, I see. Tara: [37:41] We got another one from Carrie. Let's hear it. Sarah, would you rather be forced from this day forward to add the, only one curse word and that curse word is she. Sarah: [38:01] Clay Davis style? I'm going to need a minute. Dave: [38:09] Just make sure when you do b words that you actually are for the purposes of this would you rather b-b-b-b-b-ing them well. Tara: [38:16] She hasn't picked it. Dave: [38:17] But as a demonstration of the power. Sarah: [38:21] Yes but this is part of why i need a minute to prepare this makes me i'm excited okay so But every single B word or the beautiful, rich tapestry that is my cursing library shrunk down to shit. I'm going to go with shit because my last name starts with a B. We cannot be doing that shit, especially if it's like, you know, Sarah D. No, it's too much. Dave: [39:04] When you tell people to eat a bee, that's not going to be quite as powerful if you have to eat a bee. Sarah: [39:10] Yeah. Tara: [39:11] It's going to take longer to get bears attention, too. Dave: [39:17] Actually, when you have to go to the doctor and explain, you have bubillonic plague. Tara: [39:21] Or b-b-b-botulism. Dave: [39:23] Precious seconds count. Sarah: [39:26] This is not a b-b-b-benevolent question. And also, do I have to really torque the rest of the word, or I only have to do the b-b-b-b-b part? I'm a rule follower, so especially if it's that second thing. And I've got to be b-b-b-belting out every single word that starts with b-b-b-b. Dave: [39:45] Yeah. What if you had a funeral? Sarah: [39:47] It's not for b-b-b-bouncy. so excellent question but I don't really need that sheet so. Dave: [39:56] You know who I really miss now that she's gone boom boom boom Beatrice what Jesus it's a funeral Sarah. Tara: [40:07] All right. Nick is Nick's last poser is up now. Let's hear it. For Dave, would you rather have Commander Adama burst through the bathroom. Dave: [40:17] Door and yell, so say we all every time you finish pooping or have the Mandalorian. Wait, wait, before I even hear what the Mandalorian thing is, I'm already way into this first one. So let's let's hear what we got. And burst through the bathroom door and say, this is the way every time you finish peeing. Oh, my God. Two excellent choices. Tara: [40:38] Listen, I'm just going to break in and say this is why we ask our friends and loved ones, because this is a guy who knows you intimately and has tailored this question really for you. Sarah: [40:48] There's so much toilet strat implied in so many of these. Tara: [40:52] Yep. Sarah: [40:52] I love it. Dave: [40:53] All right. So, Adama Burson says, so say we all every time I drop a deuce. Tara: [40:59] Finish pooping. Dave: [40:59] Yeah. Or the Mandalorian comes in and says, this is the way. Tara: [41:03] Yes. Already what Sandy does when you don't close the door properly. Yeah. Dave: [41:07] If I don't fully close the bathroom door, Sandy likes to come in and see what's happening. Tara: [41:13] Snoots her way in. Dave: [41:15] Check it out. Sarah: [41:16] And the seals will. Dave: [41:22] That's what's happening. Yeah. I think I would prefer Adama coming in and saying, so say we all, because that, so say we all, it has a collegial take to it. Whereas the whole group, the whole ship, the whole fleet is behind me, as it were. And I enjoy that. And I got to say, the Mandalorian, you know, whatever that is, mantra of this is the way is pretty dumb. Tara: [41:53] Yeah. Dave: [41:55] It's not the best part of the Mandalorian. It's kind of dumb, if you ask me. And there's also something about Adama being more of a father figure, you know, being older than I am. Sarah: [42:06] I was thinking that, too. Dave: [42:07] Good one, buddy. Way to go. We're proud of you, chief. Eternal. Sarah: [42:13] Yeah. Dave: [42:13] I would look forward to having a constitutional under the stewardship of Adama. Tara: [42:18] So you want that from Adama, just not from Jeff Probst, is what I'm hearing. Dave: [42:24] Yeah, I think Jeff Probst would be judgy. Tara: [42:26] Yeah. Dave: [42:28] You know, he would, like, is this the best time to take a poop? Other people are talking about the times you take a poop. I don't need that. I just want somebody to come in and say, good poop. Tara: [42:38] All right, this next one kicks off what I'm going to call pit corner. We had several questions about the pit, and I grouped them all together. Let's start with number 10. Hey, friends. It's Eve Beatty here, and I have a would you. Tara: [43:29] Thank you for considering my question. Have a good day. Bye-bye. That was from Eve Beatty. Once again, just to restate the question, because the sound quality was a little iffy. The question is, would we want to sing a slow emo 80s cover that's also extremely on the nose in the bandshell at Paradise? Or have our privates exposed to Dr. Mel and Dr. McKay, a.k.a. Dr. Bangs, at the pit? I oh that's a tough one I mean I do love to sing I hate the 80s covers I really don't like the, what they do with music on that show I think it's obnoxious and it's a terrible trend and I know they didn't start it but I wish they would finish it and I love the pit but I don't think I want to have any of my privates exposed in the ER under any circumstances even to be worked on by two of my faves. But on the third hand, I guess she's not saying I have to live in paradise. So that's not part of it. I could just visit, do a number, and leave. Dave: [44:35] No, you can't. What are you talking about? You can't leave paradise? Tara: [44:38] Well, yeah. Okay, then I guess I have to say the pick because I certainly don't want to live in paradise. It seems like hell. Sarah: [44:45] That was not specified. Dave: [44:46] Okay, but we know from the show, the only way you get out of paradise is if you are sent there by what's-her-face. Tara: [44:52] I accept that limitation. I don't want to live in nut cheese Land and I guess I can do karaoke after they're finished giving me a pelvic in the ER. Dave: [45:02] Did you say Nut Cheese Land? Tara: [45:04] Yes. Yeah, Nut Cheese. That's what they have in paradise. It's a big plot point. Dave: [45:10] Oh, okay. I thought you were talking about the pit. This man needs Nut Cheese stat. Sarah: [45:17] Yes, that's a matter for chairs. Dave: [45:19] Put it everywhere. Tara: [45:21] Embarrassment aside, I will risk having Myrna see all the way up my skirt in the pit and deal with the consequences. And I hope I just never see her again and go to a different hospital next time. Sarah? Sarah: [45:35] Yeah, if we can't leave paradise, then it's a Pelvix for everyone. This is a teaching hospital. You know what you're getting into. Those two seem like they'd be very supportive. And also, I am an old lady who went to girl school back when she was a girl in the 17th century. And like, my bits on display to other ladies is a who cares or kind of like not anyone's preference. The use of the word breeze is like, I don't need to be chilly. If I could leave paradise, I would pick that one. I hate singing in front of other people, but even a slow emo cover is only like six minutes of my life. And then I take an elevator to the surface and that's the end of it. A pelvic is a pelvic. But if I can't leave paradise, I'm going to stay topside with actual dairy cheese and just let Dr. Mal hold my hand and we'll get through it. Tara: [46:28] Dave. Dave: [46:29] Yeah, it's got to be the pit. I don't really care. I mean, in a medical setting, fine, have at it, take a picture, do whatever you want. Because I don't want to live in the Paradise universe, not because I don't want to live underground or it's the post-apocalyptic hellscape that it is, but it's because of the logical inconsistencies of the administration of Paradise the City that I feel like I would always be at odds with the administration trying to fix little stupid shit that nobody really cares about. about, but I do just because like, I can see that it can be fixed, but there's no willingness to do it. Like why all the particular items at the grocery store? Like, why do we have, why do we still have keto products, you know, when we can control the whole food chain, all this kind of stuff. Sarah: [47:15] Why isn't everything mushrooms? Yeah. Dave: [47:17] Right. So I feel like just not being able to enact change inside of this very small ecosystem that obviously needs it would mean that at a certain point somebody's just going to, like, disappear me and they'll throw me out the airlock or whatever the Paradise equivalent is. So, you know, they have to see my Ghibli bits in the ER to avoid all that. Fine. Tara: [47:40] Mm-hmm. All right. This next one came in via text. It comes from our friend Mo Ryan. Mo wants to know, would you rather do a tracheotomy in the pit with Dr. Langdon standing over you and yelling as you do it, or be stared at for a very long time by a silent Thomas Cromwell from PBS's Wolf Hall. Sarah, I know you haven't watched Wolf Hall, so if you want to abstain from this one, you may. Sarah: [48:08] Let you guys answer and then see how I feel. Tara: [48:11] Okay, fair. Sarah: [48:11] Do you want to start, Dave? Dave: [48:13] There's a lot of energy and malice behind that stare, for sure. There is a whole episode that, in the second season, is basically just like a time crunch kind of thing. And you already know it happens because it's history. But it's so effective in driving up the tension. And that whole episode is behind that guy's eyes. I'm the kind of person that will willingly watch the grossest medical shows, but immediately hide under the blankets as soon as I get a hint of anything going near your eye or a throat or a fingernail. So I am very squeamish when it comes to actual slicing and dicing. I can watch movies where people's head gets blown off with shotguns. No problem. Helicopter blades slicing off top of your head like a deli meat grinder thing. No problem. Actual hospital stuff. No, thank you. So I've got to go with avoiding the pit at all costs in this one. I'm just going to have to stare down fucking bullfrog. Tara: [49:15] Yeah, I agree on all counts. I mean, I think if I had to be subjected to Thomas Cromwell staring at me for a very long time, it would change me on a molecular level. Like I would have nightmares about it until I died. Dave: [49:28] Yeah. Tara: [49:29] But I would be the one dealing with if I died. If I tried to do tracheotomy on someone, they would die. Sarah: [49:38] Well, this is the thing that it's like. I have told stories on this podcast multiple times about slipping on a banana peel and getting fucking roasted by a guy walking Pat did not help me up was just like, that's why no one walks in LA. Like, I see your point. He wasn't wrong. I can't be in charge of a critical procedure like that. I just can't. I'll cut like the wrong side or the wrong person. Dave: [50:04] The other problem with the Mark Rylance thing, that's the guy that plays Thomas Cromwell, is that in the show, he's always wearing at least one hat, sometimes multiple hats. He'll take off his hat and he's got like a do-rag underneath. He's got like a medieval do-rag underneath and stuff like that. So even if you're like in a stare down and you're like trying to like look through, look past him, think about other things, there's the hat thing where you're like, how many hats is he wearing? And then you're suddenly looking at his eyes again, like, oh, shit, the eyes, the hats, the hats aren't helping me. And then you're in trouble again. Tara: [50:38] So that is why I could not. It could be someone talking nicely to me as I was doing a tracheotomy on someone. It would just not end well. I'm an English major. I don't think I even took biology past grade 10. So this should not occur. Sarah: [50:55] So, yeah. Tara: [50:56] Next, number 12. Hey, Extra Hot Great. This is David Chen from the Decoding TV podcast. Dave: [51:13] Succession, but you have a low grade cold for the rest of your life like you can't ever get rid of or would you rather be extremely healthy not have a low grade cold. Tara: [51:32] You have to work in the pit every day for the rest of your life, Sarah, why don't you start? Sarah: [51:40] Hmm. Okay. Unimpeachably healthy and I have to work in the pit or as rich as one of the Roy children, but I have a low grade cold forever. Tara: [51:50] You got the sniffles. Sarah: [51:52] Right. I mean, I always do kind of have the sniffles. I work around old books. I have like nine months out of the 12 leaf mold allergy. My sinuses, this is the, you know, genetic betrayal that is my legacy. They're a fucking mess. Oh, excuse me. They're a shit mess. And I think that it was not specified that I would have to be a Roy or spend time with Roys, just I would be as rich as a Roy child. With that said, if I can get that reversed and then all I have to do is work in the pit every day, at least as a work environment, it seems very stressful and icky sometimes, but you can always not work on that side of the door. You can be an admin. More or less, like with a couple of exceptions, my co-workers seem pretty cool. I mean, it's like, who doesn't want to work with Sean Hitosi? Come on. So, I mean, it's kind of closer than I'm making it sound, but I think I'm going to take clear sinuses, full hearts, can't lose, and go work at the pit. Tara: [53:09] Okay. Sarah: [53:10] Yeah. Tara: [53:10] Dave? Dave: [53:11] I could handle a low-grade cold for the rest of my time on Earth to be as rich as a Roy and not have to worry about anything. I mean, the only financial benefit on the other side is if you have perfect health, I guess you don't have to pay for health care. You can excise that from your monthly expenses, but I don't want to work in a hospital every day. You don't get any time off. You want to go on vacation? No vacation's for you. You're working in the pit every day for the rest of your life. You are 83 and you got a year to live. You're still working at the pit. I'd much rather have a low-grade cold. Tara: [53:41] Yeah. The only jobs I would be qualified to do in the pit is like the person at the desk at the front who everyone is yelling at all the time or the person who has to mop up blood after the mass casualty. Dave: [53:53] Yeah. Tara: [53:54] And if the alternative is I have functionally all the money any country could ever want. Dave: [54:01] More money than you need. So nothing is a barrier. Yeah. Tara: [54:05] And therefore no need to work. So whenever when I feel sick or when the low grade cold is like, you know, starting to kick my ass in the afternoon, I can take a nap as long as I want. Dave: [54:18] It was a little nebulous. But even if I was a Roy in this universe, having all the money in the world and knowing that you're never not going to have enough money to do whatever the fuck you want really goes a long way to tolerating all the stupid shit that happened in succession. and because I feel like I'm being inserted into this universe as I am I have a different outlook I'm not brain Roy I'm still brain Dave but I'm just a Roy that I feel like it also might be entertaining to watch all these adult children running around doing all this dumb shit because they just never knew any better, there's a certain entertainment factor there that I'm also into so for the price of a low grade cold I think I would just like to have all the money in the universe and not deal with the hospital Yeah, same. But thank you, Sarah, for your service. Tara: [55:08] Let's hear the last question from Carrie. Tara, would you rather appear on Hollywood Game Night teamed with David Baddiel, go on The Amazing Race with Lucy Beaumont as your partner? Dave: [55:25] Wow. All right. You need to Taskmaster explain these for our listeners. Tara: [55:30] Certainly. I mean, people might also need Hollywood Game Night explained because this hasn't been on for a while. But this was a game night show hosted by Jane Lynch that where celebrities played with civilians game show. Joe Brand and David Baddiel were the two certainly worst contestants in their season. In my opinion, two of the worst contestants of the entire run of the show. Dave: [55:51] Right. There's a type of Taskmaster contestant, the no tries, that their agent said this would be good for your career, but they obviously were not into it. Tara: [55:59] Right. Dave: [55:59] And they put in the minimum effort at best and at times don't do anything. Tara: [56:06] Yep. Dave: [56:06] And it's annoying. Tara: [56:07] Or do the opposite of what they're told in a not funny way, just a frustrating way for the viewer, me. Lucy Beaumont, it's almost impossible to describe. Dave: [56:21] You have to dance around describing her because you're not sure if you're getting into a special needs situation. Tara: [56:27] She is either extremely good at playing a dummy. Dave: [56:32] Like as her character. Tara: [56:35] Or I'm concerned that she's raising a child because I don't know if she's like all there. Dave: [56:43] Cat in the furnace. Tara: [56:44] Very much so. So this, I mean, the thing is, like, I could say, OK, Hollywood game night would only be a few hours versus the Amazing Race. But the Amazing Race would only be a few hours, too, because we would definitely be out first. Dave: [56:57] But Amazing Race has the prize. Tara: [56:59] Amazing Race has a big prize. Yes. If you're, you know, on Hollywood game night, you're like, I don't even remember how much money it is. Dave: [57:04] It was like $10,000. Tara: [57:05] Yeah, not a ton. But we would for sure be out first. Like, she would be no use at all on any of the challenges. I'm certainly I don't believe she can read a map. I'm sure she can't drive stick like just the list of things Lucy can't do. Dave: [57:20] Yeah, she's definitely putting diesel in the tank when you shouldn't. Tara: [57:23] She's just not doing anything right ever, either as a bit or because she really doesn't understand what's happening. Dave: [57:30] I mean, I think listening to this, if you haven't watched that season to Taskmaster, you're like, they're playing it up. But like, there are some things that happened that season. You're like, this seems like actually it should have been edited out. You know what I mean? Like, it feels like, like, it's, it's kind of funny, but it's also like, I'm not sure I should be laughing because I feel like it's at her expense. And I'm not. Tara: [57:52] Yeah. Dave: [57:52] I mean, it goes into what you're saying. Like, is this a really, really good act or is it? And I'm not still not sure. Right. Tara: [57:58] And the thing is, if it is an act, like if as soon as they're not on us with the camera, she's like, like, then I'm just that's just as annoying because the the the act of stupidity is so indistinguishable from actual stupidity that it would drive me insane. Yeah. So as painful as it would be to carry an entire Hollywood game night team on my back, which is exactly what I would have to do with the two of them, just not knowing who contemporary celebrities are, being no fun, not participating. Sarah: [58:29] Wearing the wrong shoes. Dave: [58:30] Which would be fun to watch because you were angry at them at some point and curse them out. Tara: [58:35] I definitely would. Dave: [58:36] Everybody was sort of hating you. Tara: [58:37] Correct. Dave: [58:38] Yep. Tara: [58:38] That's right. That would not be fun, but it would be over quickly. And I wouldn't be in a foreign country trying to find my way to the goat farm or whatever the fuck. The most irritating person I've ever seen. Dave: [58:53] It would be a goat farm. You're right. Tara: [58:55] So, yeah, Hollywood game night. But wow, that took me places. Sarah: [58:59] Thank you, Carrie. Brutal. Tara: [59:01] We next have this one, number 14. Hey, guys, it's Monty. Hey, there's something I've always wondered. Would you rather have the Golden, song play quietly, constantly, whenever you're awake? Sarah, once again, you need to start us off. Sarah: [59:24] Monty, thank you for being a friend, first of all. And second of all, while it's not specified, I choose to believe that what you meant was that when it plays at max volume every time I go outside, that just means one time, max volume, whole thing, and then it's done for the duration of my outsidosity. Tara: [59:44] Right. Sarah: [59:45] Now, if I'm like going in and out of the house, if I'm entertaining in our backyard, is that going to be annoying for the neighbors? Yes. Dave: [59:53] Taking out the garbage. Sarah: [59:55] Is, you know, are we already annoying to the neighbors because our dog barks all the time? Yes. So, okay. Dave: [1:00:01] Oh, but wait, hang on a sec. Hang on a sec. This is interesting, right? Because max volume, oh boy, we don't know what max volume is, but let's just assume it's super loud. like bandshell in the park, concert loud or something like that. Tara: [1:00:14] Air raid siren. Dave: [1:00:15] Which means you're definitely going to be over local decibel sound ordinances. So if your neighbors want to, they could force the issue. Tara: [1:00:22] Right. Sarah: [1:00:23] Yeah. But how? What, are they going to get the police to go to Monty's house and be like, put an end to this would you rather scenario immediately? Dave: [1:00:35] But you just get fined all the time. Tara: [1:00:37] Right, right. Sarah: [1:00:39] Then there's, That also raises the question. It does not beg it. Raises it. Does anyone else hear it? Or does it only play for you? Tara: [1:00:50] Right. Sarah: [1:00:50] Like you have some kind of like implant, some sort of like aural bug. Dave: [1:00:55] I think he would have carved that out. I think if it's playing at max volume outside your house, then it's for everybody. Sarah: [1:01:00] And then inside your house, it's like a Ray Bradbury situation where the speakers always have. Thank you for being a friend. Okay. Tara: [1:01:06] Yeah. Sarah: [1:01:08] All right. That being the case. Dave: [1:01:09] Bray Bradbury, famous Golden Girls superfan. Sarah: [1:01:12] Mm-hmm. Yeah, he actually wrote that theme. Dave: [1:01:15] Yeah. Sarah: [1:01:16] Very talented guy. Dave: [1:01:17] Yeah. The Dorothy Chronicles. It was the first draft of the Martian Chronicles. Sarah: [1:01:22] I will say Inside, because there wasn't a carve-out for like, you can't put headphones in and just like drown it out with a podcast. The song always gets stuck in my head anyway. Like in a manner of speaking, it is kind of playing all the time at a soft volume for me. I do watch the show a lot, so I'm going to go with inside. I might regret it, but I feel like the outside version constrains my ability to move around the neighborhood and also would make me hated in the zip code and I would have to move to the country where no one else could hear it, which maybe I should just do that anyway. But I'm going to go with the inside option. Dave: [1:02:02] Yeah i was thinking this ends up with somebody in the country because otherwise if you're going to choose the option where you don't have to live inside your house and constantly have the theme be playing at a low volume which would drive me bananas then you have to deal with going outside of your door and having playing max volume which means you have to be out in the sticks where nobody else can hear it which means your nearest neighbor's got to be like a mile away or whatever a couple miles away otherwise you're in the city and you're either going to get fined or somebody will actually shoot you because the dogs got out and it was 3 a.m. and you went to chase them and suddenly Golden Girls was playing at Max Volume in the neighborhood. You're not going to win any friends in that scenario. Sarah: [1:02:42] This is like a I think you should leave scenario. Dave: [1:02:45] Actually. Sarah: [1:02:46] Yikes. Dave: [1:02:47] Just dealing with the domicile part of it, it makes sense to me to be somewhere out in the sticks if I had to have this happen every time I got out of the door. But then, Like, it's not just your door. It's all doors. So if you go into the city to buy groceries, you know, you go out of your car, it plays. You go into the grocery store, then back out, it plays there. So it's like, it's a lot. Sarah: [1:03:11] I thought he said every time you step out of your house. Tara: [1:03:13] Yeah, every time you go outside. Dave: [1:03:15] Just not doors? Oh, okay. So if it's just your house, I think that makes it easier. Sarah: [1:03:18] Oh, no, but no, this is the question. I thought it was every time you go out of your house. If it is every time you go outside, then anytime you go from like artificial to natural light, Dave is right. Tara: [1:03:31] That's what I thought. It's if you get out of the car at HEB, it starts. You go in the store, it stops. Oh, no, I forgot my bag's in the car. You go outside and you hear it again, etc. etc yeah. Sarah: [1:03:42] Nope no can do. Tara: [1:03:44] Yeah i mean my initial thought was outside because as dave knows i rarely go outside so it doesn't really affect me probably that much or wouldn't but yeah it's the it's the the way it would impinge on others would be the problem and i don't want to be known as that guy whereas if it's only playing on a low like low in my house that doesn't say you can't drown it out with something else. It's just playing. You don't necessarily have to hear it. You know, if I just put in headphones and listen to a podcast, Dave, as I am constantly, then that would be fine. Sarah: [1:04:19] Hey, Tara, Jeff Probst thinks you're doing a great job. Tara: [1:04:22] Thank you, Jeff and Sarah. All right, let's hear it. Dave: [1:04:24] Hang on. One last thing in defense of my choice, which is the song at full volume. Although you can, if you track me, make the connection. But if I just walk out of an HEB and the music starts playing at full blast, Why are people thinking it's me? So I don't have to worry about that whole thing where it's like everybody's staring at me because the music's playing really loud at max volume when I walk out of the HEB because it's not coming out of my mouth. Tara: [1:04:48] But they would know at home. Someone would put it together at your house. Sarah: [1:04:53] Also, for your birthday, I'm sending you like 15 Team Blanche t-shirts that you're going to have to wear. Dave: [1:04:58] But if I want to go out into public and I'm coming in and out of doors, it's not necessarily pegged to me if you're just a bystander or an onlooker. Tara: [1:05:06] That's what I'm saying. Dave: [1:05:07] I think I think there's wiggle room to get out of being accused of being the source of annoyance. Tara: [1:05:12] Well, we'll find out when this happens to you. OK, let's hear our final question. Hey, extra hot. Great. Sorry, the submission is a little late, but hopefully. Sarah: [1:05:35] Have the disembodied voice of Paula Cole shriek, want to wait for our lives to be over. Or every time you fart audibly or silently. Tara: [1:05:48] Have the 90210 music blare. Dave: [1:05:50] Oh, easy to us. Sarah: [1:05:52] And then instead of the clap. Tara: [1:05:55] Clap here, fart, fart. Sarah: [1:05:58] Putting you, as it were, on blast. Have fun in a question mark. Tara: [1:06:03] By the way, this is John Ramos. I'm sure you can delete my contact information after this submission. Sarah: [1:06:11] Have fun. Dave: [1:06:12] Easiest choice of the day. Tara: [1:06:14] Well, Sarah, do you want to go first or last with your beloved John? Sarah: [1:06:19] Your dearest lifelong friends. my beloved who this is exactly the sort of evil genius that we were hoping for when the Rathbury began but I agree with Dave I think this is a very easy choice I am probably not as sensitive as I should be to other people knowing whether I'm farting or not especially for a veg aquarium that is just like look, celery does what it does we all gotta live with it fuck off so you want to. Dave: [1:06:51] Deal with an emerging event no just let me go. Sarah: [1:06:56] Event horizon that was one of my favorite things about the beverly hills 90210 era of again with this was just like rankly inappropriate cuts to which i still do in my head like completely other shows like we're watching the americans and i just hum it to myself and start giggling uh i have uh really severe emotional problems it's it's definitely the beverly hills fart fart um, The Paula Cole suggestion, I would not select it, but the phrasing of that made me laugh so hard that I think I may have separated one of my ribs from the muscle. So well done, John. And also, you're dead to me. Dave: [1:07:42] Yeah. I mean, if you just don't want to be bothered with anything, you can train yourself to not say, I don't. Right. You can substitute other words. You can train your brain to do that. But where's the fun in that? Because frankly, I'm going to let one lose right now. Fart, fart. Sarah: [1:07:58] Fart, fart. Dave: [1:07:58] That's fun. That's fun. Tara: [1:08:00] That's fun. Yep. I got to go with that, too. I mean, I prefer the 90210 theme song as much as we complained when the DVDs switched off of the original theme song, which we've remedied, by the way. Find us on again with this. We're listening to the original versions of the episodes now. But yeah, fart, fart. It's easy. Dave: [1:08:22] It's not only the clear choice. I'm sad we don't have the technology to actually make it happen. I mean, get AI on that one, please. Sarah: [1:08:32] Mm-hmm. Dave: [1:08:33] All right, guys, that is it for another episode of Extra Hot Great. We asked our podcast buddies to hit us with their would-you-rathers, and oh boy, did they. Next up, it's the ballet drama My Brain Won't Stop Calling Elote. Ah, no, the corn! Paul Newman's gonna have my legs broke. Remember. Tara: [1:08:58] We're listening. Dave: [1:09:02] I am David T. Cole, and on behalf of Tara Arrieta. Tara: [1:09:06] Thank you so much to everyone who submitted questions. We love and hate you. Dave: [1:09:10] Sarah D. Bunting. Sarah: [1:09:12] Bye. Dave: [1:09:14] Thanks for listening, everyone, and we'll see you next time. Right here on Extra Hockery. Sarah: [1:09:27] Fart fart fart domer oh god so good.