The Toddler, Bad Seed, And Zed Tackle American Gladiators

Clip 00:01 From the one and only Gladiator Arena, get it going for our American gladiators. This is peak America, folks. Dave 00:24 This is the Extra Extra Hot Great Podcast, episode 405 for the April 19th, 2026 weekend. I am guy named Exodus, who's always the first one out, David T. Cole, and I'm here with the Union County Unitard Sarah D. Bunting. Sarah 00:43 Let's get ready to Wedgie Dave 00:49 And Elite Soldier Tara Ariano Tara 00:51 With claws like a trap. Welcome to Extra Extra Hot Great, the show that exists because you support it. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you for your support. We are here to talk about American Gladiators 2026. That's not part of the title. It's just to differentiate it from the other American Gladiators, a syndicated show in the 90s You may also, depending on where you live, have seen non-American gladiators on the UK's ITV in the 90s, then revived in 2008 on Sky, then revived again on the BBC in 2024 This is the contemporary American version of all of those. There's a permanent team of 16 gladiators who came from careers where they have to be in good shape, like bodybuilders, pro wrestlers, football players, etc. In each episode, they face off against four new challengers, two men and two women in sex-segregated matches in a mix of short games testing their agility and strength. At the end of the episode, both challengers go head-to-head in a winner-take-all obstacle course called the Eliminator, with the victor going on to the semifinals in the season-long tournament. In the finale, one man and one woman will each win a hundred thousand dollars. Shows hosted by Mike the Miz Mizanin and Roxy Diaz, yes, your faves and mine since They were a co-hosting team on Cannonball on the USA Network. The show was created by Dan with two Ns, Carr and John Ferraro. Dave 02:26 How many R's and car? Tara 02:28 Two. Dave 02:29 All right, consistent. Tara 02:30 I don't know anything about them because they don't have their own Wikipedia pages, but I'm sure they're very gifted. Marcus Burnett is among the show's executive producers. Three episodes dropped the same day as this podcast episode. We got access to the whole season, which is eight episodes, but we will be careful about spoilers. Let's do the chen check-in. Sarah, should our listeners watch American Gladiators 2026 edition? Sarah 02:55 It is pleasing, but inessential. I'll get into what circumstances it's a yes, but under certain circumstances, yes. Tara 03:05 But Dave 03:05 I think the highest praise I could give it is If you've liked American Gladiators in the past, you will like this newest version because it is barely any different. Except for one crucial difference, which I'm mad about. Tara 03:16 Well, we'll get to it. Yeah, it's a na for me. Let's get into it, Sarah. Under what circumstances is this a yes? Sarah 03:24 Well, the pro wrestling and MTV's the challenge DNA is very strong in this one like very literally in the Miz's case both strands intertwining. Tara 03:31 Sure. Sarah 03:33 There is a former challenger uh Fessy in the Gladiator Squadron, but this gave me strong vibes of like at Christmas time when I was a kid. We didn't really watch wrestling at at my house, but when all the cousins were there, it would just like be on because it was one of those things that could be agreed on for all ages. And also provided endless fodder for teasing my grandmother, may she rest, for having a crush on ravishing Rick Rude, which I'm sure she actually didn't, but actually maybe should have. Tara 04:01 Right. Sure Sarah 04:06 We all used to sit around watching it or half watching it, and I think this feels that same. The extended family is on vacation. Everybody kind of has half an eye on it while they're playing dominoes on that one day where it's a downpour and everybody's stuck inside. And That sounds like really faint praise or also extremely niche, but it's not that faint and not that niche shows like this exist, in my opinion. For circumstances like this. There are some cooking shows that are like that. Like Final Table was like that, that it's like, this is good. viewing that doesn't require close attention. I also felt like more or less it was paced well. The Miz is having a ball. It's got good vibes. It's just not like necessary, but you can have it on tap for that rainy day on Summer Vacay. Tara 04:57 All right. Dave 04:57 Alright, so if you're planning a vacation in a rainy area and you have a set of dominoes and you plan to spend half your energy on watching TV and half on the game, then yes, you should watch American Gladiators. Sarah 05:09 Mm-hmm. Dave 05:10 Got it. Excellent. Tara 05:11 Yeah. Dave 05:11 Well well qualified. Tara 05:13 Dave, share your your major grievance against the show Dave 05:16 Before I do that, can I ask who the Miz is? Tara 05:19 I'll let Sarah take that one. Dave 05:21 Alright. Sarah 05:21 Mike Mazanan was on, I think, Real World Ten Return to New York. Tara 05:26 Yes. Sarah 05:26 And then like sort of simultaneously to his appearances on I think it was still Real World Road Rules Challenge back then Dave 05:27 Really? Sarah 05:36 was also tr and already as of real world New York was aiming at a career as a uh pro wrestler Dave 05:42 Oh, okay. How many Z in that? Tara 05:44 Just one Dan Car, Dan Nana Karura Dave 05:45 Oh, come on, man. We had Barkar, whatever his name was. He was doubling up. Come on, Miz. Sarah 05:53 Danina Kyrie River Dave 05:55 My big problem with this show. Because it is basically American Gladiators, they did not include the best mini-game from American Gladiators, which is Tennis Ball Shoot Thingy. Where there is an obstacle course where there are different pieces of cover that you could duck behind as a gladiator on a podium shoots you with a tennis ball gun. And if you got hit, you're out. That was what you watch for when you were a kid. It's almost like a video game and there's a gun and it goes thump throom thump. Sarah 06:23 Mm-hmm. Dave 06:24 Yes, please, not in this version. at all. We looked it up. It's called assault really, even though it should be called tennis ball shooty thingy. So that was my big like, oh come on man, that's what I'm here for. Sarah 06:32 Yeah. Dave 06:34 I'm here for the tennis ball shoot thing. Tara 06:36 Yeah. Dave 06:36 And they did not bring it over to this uh new version, or it sounds like any of the newer ones. Tara 06:42 What Dave, other than bringing assault into the show, would it have needed to do? to capture your attention. Dave 06:49 Well, it does a lot of things poorly in the format they have, to the point where I'm like Tara 06:53 Mm-hmm Dave 06:55 Like, why didn't you ESPN the Ocho eyes this show? Like, why isn't it more towards the holy moly end of the spectrum? Tara 07:03 Right. Dave 07:03 Well you're taking the piss out of it while celebrating it? Like holy moly was very funny, but it wasn't dismissing the whole premise Sight unseen, like it was having fun with it. I think that would have been the play here for me, like the jingoistic shit that they're doing in the show We're not we're not in the right time period for that kind of stuff, as you heard up top. Sarah 07:23 No. Dave 07:24 So I thought maybe something that leaned more into the comedy of it, the eighties origin of it sort of thing, g bringing this retro sort of silly vibe to it, probably would have made it way more sticky for me. Tara 07:32 Mm-hmm Dave 07:38 Maybe they were scared of trying to find a new audience. But that would have been my plan. Tara 07:42 I mean I've watched a lot of shows that were in this category. There was a there was a whole bunch of them in the wake of Holy Moly in the early 2020s, like Cannonball that I mentioned that The Miz was a co-host on. Sarah 07:51 Sure. Mm-hmm. Tara 07:54 with Roxy Diaz, but also Peacock version of Frogger, like full-size human frogger, or ultimate tag, which we talked about on this show too. Sarah 07:59 Mm-hmm. Tara 08:04 Remember that? Dave 08:05 Yeah, remember how much you liked it weirdly. Sarah 08:05 Mm-hmm Tara 08:07 It was I mean that one did captivate me. But this one seems to, regardless of audience, come to us half baked, like suddenly at the s Dave 08:15 Yeah. Tara 08:16 Start of the third episode, they introduce wrestling style kayfabe, where the guy contestants are like kind of mildly trash talking the gladiators, and then we cut to the gladiators locker room. watching this happen and being all like, oh hell no, now we're really gonna get them. Like, this is not necessary. Or do it the whole way through. Sarah 08:35 No. Tara 08:36 Don't bring this in in the third episode. Dave 08:38 Nor was it in any way live that was totally taped way after the fact it inserted because Tara 08:40 No. Of course. Sarah 08:43 Mm-hmm. Dave 08:44 You can tell there's a lot of that. The color commentary guys also taped weeks after they've done the actual events, he is quite bad, and he's also quite bad at not reading the cue cards. Tara 08:55 Yeah. Sarah 08:56 Yeah. Tara 08:56 He's also really insulting. Like he in the third episode, one of the contestants is an administrative assistant When he's talking about her, he says something like Sh this is the plain Jane of the competition. She's just like you, audience member. It's like wh literally says that. Sarah 09:13 Wow Tara 09:13 Like that's Crazy because she's not, she does CrossFit. Dave 09:15 Yeah Tara 09:17 I don't like she was recruited to get here for a reason and does well. Sarah 09:22 Mm-hmm. Tara 09:22 But yeah, he's he's not good. Were there any games that you particularly enjoyed watching of the episodes that we got to screen, Sarah? Sarah 09:32 No. I mean there weren't any that I was like, this is boring, but I mean none really stood out. As usual, watching anyone try to do anything involving balance is like, and that's where it loses its relatability for me, an audience member, to sort of aspirationally be like, oh I could do this, or like, oh uh you know, climbing up a cargo net. Maybe I could do that. I have strong legs, and then there's always a balance thing that's like, and Sarah's restarting this 78,000 times. Like cut to a month later. I'm still trying to get across. I have like a long beard. I mean, that's how I always kind of relate to shows like this, it's like, please do trivia with a trapdoor. That's the only chance I have to to win anything like this, but nothing that felt poorly constructed, but also nothing that was like, oh cool game. Dave 10:23 The best American gladiator games are the ones with things in them, which is why I like tennis ball shoot thingy. I enjoy joust Sarah 10:29 Mm-hmm Tara 10:30 Mm-hmm. Dave 10:31 Which is not really a jouse, but whatever. I would have called it Pummel Me with Q-tips, as that was that game Sarah 10:37 Mm-hmm. Yep. Dave 10:39 So those are my favorite ones. My least favorite ones are the ones where they're just running around and scrambling like the five-bucket basketball game. I forget what it's called. Doesn't matter. the more accoutrements there are, and this is probably my child brain remembering the first one, the more happy I was with it. I just kind of came to a realization, just speaking more to the what they should have done with the tone of this Because they do pay homage to the original. They have in the first episode a lot of footage from the original and sort of showing what they've updated and you know then and now. But instead of getting that really bad color commentary guy, they should have brought in a panel of all those people from the 80s, now in their sixties or whatever. Tara 11:19 Yeah, yep. Sarah 11:21 Oh yeah, mm-hmm Dave 11:21 And they should have been like old generation talk and smack about the new generation gladiators, sort of like, you know, old men at a mall in front of McDonald's in the food court sharing their small coffee over the period of eleven hours. Tara 11:25 Yep Dave 11:34 telling stories to each other or like a barber shop kind of thing, you know? Sarah 11:34 Mm-hmm Tara 11:37 Mm-hmm. Dave 11:38 Like get that going. Tara 11:39 Yeah Dave 11:39 That would have been good because everybody surrounding this, all the talent that are not gladiators, I just like get bad vibes from them. I don't Tara 11:47 Mm-hmm. Dave 11:47 Like it doesn't feel right to me. So I think they needed to make it a little settlier, but also like a little more personal, a little less scripted, you know, a little less um sweetened. Tara 11:56 Mm-hmm. Sarah 11:58 Bring in the actual history and like if they get on a sidebar about testicular torsion Dave 12:00 Yeah, yeah. Sarah 12:05 While a an event is going on, it's like, okay, baseball fans are used to that because there's always that former player in the booth who's like, in my day we had to kill the cow and make the gloves ourselves. Tara 12:16 Mm-hmm. Sarah 12:16 Like you played in the eighties, Keith. Calm down. Dave 12:19 Yeah, but just having one color commentary guy in the show they have right now, like why? Like at least have two so you can have some banter and not just be reading the cue cards. Sarah 12:25 Mm-hmm. Dave 12:29 I know obviously it was taped much later and they're just writing a first thought script for it, but these are the opportunities this show missed to just like elevate it from here are some games, watch people get hurt, which they do. Sarah 12:37 Yeah, that's true. Dave 12:42 And, you know, I wasn't mad watching the actual events. Sarah 12:42 Uh-huh. Dave 12:45 Do I enjoy somebody losing in half a second on something? Tara 12:48 Yeah, that was pretty good. Dave 12:48 Yes. I love humiliation. There's parts that are like, okay, fine, don't mess with it. The rest of it outside of the game, you gotta mess with it because this is so Old feeling too. And like the set is less collegiate gym vibes and more Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire, Weakest Link, lasers and bright lights everywhere that we've been doing for the past twenty-five years. Sarah 13:09 Yeah. Tara 13:10 Mm-hmm. Sarah 13:11 Fairy Arts Dave 13:12 That should have been rethought. So just like all the trappings around it should have been changed. I still like the glidators. They still all got stupid names They are larger than life as they should be. Some are better than others, but the fundamentals are there. I thought they just could have changed the direction of everything else. Like BattleBots, first gen BattleBots, is sorta closer to what I'm thinking about. They don't have to go all the way and just make it like we're now doing a parody of American Gladiators called American Gladiators. Tara 13:35 Mm-hmm. Dave 13:41 I realize that won't sell Tara 13:42 Yeah Dave 13:43 But the battle bots where they're all just like, holy fuck, what just happened? You know, like that thing's got a buzzaw in it. Who saw that coming? Like that kind of energy transferred to this I thought would have translated into a much better show. Tara 13:54 Yeah, I also am surprised since they did bring back the Atlasphere with other than Joust as one of the only games that I was aware of. Dave 14:01 Yeah. Tara 14:02 From culture, because I didn't watch the show in the nineties, but that's the one where you're in like a big metal sphere trying to knock each other off of a field, I assume. Dave 14:04 Yeah. Tara 14:11 That should have been in the first episode. Dave 14:13 Yep. Tara 14:13 They did They were smart to put joust in the first episode, but Alistair should have been too, in my opinion. Sarah 14:13 Mm, yeah, for sure. Dave 14:15 Mm-hmm. Yeah. Do you remember the game we used to play? Fusion Frenzy on the Xbox? Tara 14:21 Yes. Yes. Dave 14:22 That had a Atlasphere mini-game in it. That was so fun. Tara 14:26 Yeah, that was fun. Um, Sarah thoughts on the Miz. Were you happy to see him? Do you think he did well? Sarah 14:32 I do. I was. He is living his best life. I think this was always the plan for him and his career. He is delighted to be part of it and part of this like story. franchise. He's experienced enough as a host and in this world of sort of n non-sport sport. And he's he's always like Fun, he has a good vibe. He might be trumpy, don't tell me, but he is good at this and a good choice Tara 14:59 I think we probably don't want to know how any of these people vote and just maybe hope they're not registered. Sarah 15:04 No. Tara 15:05 That they got a lot of opinions about chemtrails and stuff. Sarah 15:08 Yeah, they're definitely one of those like abolish the penny people. Dave 15:09 Yeah. Tara 15:09 I feel like Sarah 15:13 There there's a couple of those in there. Dave 15:14 Yeah. Sovereign citizens up the wazoo. Tara 15:18 Oh, yes Dave 15:18 Yep. Tara 15:19 Sovereign citizens for sure. Sarah 15:19 Mm-hmm. Tara 15:20 Alright, let's wind it up. What would your gladiator name be if somehow you got into really good shape and this was your next chapter in life? Dave 15:28 Working on it. Tara 15:29 Dave. Dave 15:30 Well fur my first thought was yesterday when we were like just shooting the shit about this and I wanted to be called the baby and I go wham! But I do like a Finger thumb across the neck as I did it. Tara 15:40 Mm-hmm. Dave 15:42 Then I wanted something just bewildering that made no sense, and then people would create a story for me. So I'm gonna for that mode I'm going with spoke as an on a wheel Tara 15:50 Okay, uh huh. Dave 15:52 In a on a bike. Tara 15:53 Yeah, okay. Dave 15:53 I don't know. Building off baby, I thought maybe even funnier than Baby would be the toddler, because this kind of sounds like a Batman 66 character. Tara 16:01 Yeah, it does. Dave 16:03 I thought about teabag. Tara 16:05 Mm. Dave 16:06 Glad her name teabag. Tara 16:07 Mm-hmm. Dave 16:08 But what I uh landed on is I'm going to be the gladiator known as Brand Power. Sarah 16:16 Wow. Tara 16:17 Sarah Sarah 16:18 I considered America's cookie jar ding Dave 16:21 Oh yeah Sarah 16:23 But in the end, because I am from New Jersey and have a tomato tattooed on my arm, I had to go with the bad seed. Tara 16:31 Nice. Sarah 16:32 All heel all the time. Tara 16:32 That's good. See, I went down the line of like what do I enjoy doing the most sleeping? So I thought about coma Sarah 16:39 mm, mm-hmm Tara 16:40 Like put you in a coma or shut eye, same sort of thing, put you in a sleeper hole, knock you out. Dave 16:42 Uh-huh. Oh, Shutai's good. Yeah. Tara 16:46 But I ultimately landed on Zed, because it's Canadian and 'cause it's like, you know, Z Z Z like when you're snoring in a cartoon. Sarah 16:53 But Zed's dead baby, so not sure how that's gonna go for you. Tara 16:56 Well, ch Zed's gonna dead you Sarah 17:00 Ooh, I see Soviet Russia. Dave 17:02 Okay. Uh alright. I'm still stuck on Zed's gonna Zed you or whatever that was. Alright, it is time for ASCII HG. Here is the world's best theme for ASCII HG and uh all themes on Earth. All right, it is time for Ask ESG. But before we get into your questions for us, we need to get into your answers for last week's Ask Ask EHG. Let's spin the wheel of judgment. Boop. It is Tara. Tara, you to the judge. Tara 17:51 I am. I am judging this question, which came to us from L Triple B. What's a series crossover that you wish happened? Dave, I believe you have a suggestion for this your own self. Dave 18:04 I did. We'll be talking about one half of this later, which is why it was probably in my head. But I'm gonna go with shows from the eighties featuring former Vietnam soldiers, Magnum P. I. Tara 18:15 Mm-hmm. Dave 18:15 and the A-Team together at last. I don't know how the A team's gonna make their way to Hawaii or Tom Salah's gonna make his way to Calabasas. I'm not sure which way it's gonna go. Tara 18:25 Mm-hmm. Dave 18:26 But I feel like Thomas Magnum's dark portrayal of Vietnam and A-Team's refusal to have anything dark in the show, blending those together would be a journey. Tara 18:36 Mm-hmm. Dave 18:36 Yeah. Tara 18:37 Yep, I like it. Sarah 18:37 Mm-hmm Dave 18:38 But it has to end with the sunrise speech and the Magnum shooting somebody. Tara 18:42 Yeah, of course. Dave 18:42 That's my only stipulation. Tara 18:44 Sure. Sarah 18:44 Yeah. Well and also a chicken on a bus. Tara 18:50 All right, here's some runners up. Erica. writes, my first instinct was the X-File slash twin peaks, but I'm gonna tweak it slightly to the X-File slash northern exposure. Ed is fascinated by Mulder and follows him around to Mulder's eventual annoyance and Scully's muted delight. Chris keeps playing songs like Secret Agent Man and talking about exactly what kind of truth might be out there. Joel ineptly hits on Scully and Maggie rags him about it. Eventually it turns out the moose did it, whatever it was, and the two agents depart with a fresh thermos of hot soup from Holling, who can't get over the fact that Mulder's first name is Fox. Dave 19:28 I think I put it in that thread, but I was like right after it's like the Green Man episode of Northern Exposure is almost an X Files episode. Tara 19:33 Yes, it's true. Dave 19:35 Yeah. Tara 19:35 It is. Sarah 19:35 Mm-hmm Tara 19:36 R on P suggested a Detroiters and South Side crossover would have been great Seth writes, This is us and arrested development. A tear-jerking flashback reveals that Milo Ventimelius Jack passed away after the Pearson family home was set ablaze by a corn baller. Dave 19:52 Uh-huh. Tara 19:52 Eric without a K. What if the helicopter that killed Romano was Arewolf? But our winner is Darren Glass, who writes Dave 19:59 Yeah. Sarah 20:00 Well Tara 20:01 Back in that brief window of time when Moonlighting was on at 9 p. m. and Max Headrim was on the same network at 10 PM, but set 20 minutes into the future. I deeply wanted a scene at 9. 40 where Max showed up on a TV in Dave's office and they told him he was early. To my 12-year-old self, it would have been the perfect joke. That is very good. So Sarah 20:21 Mm-hmm Tara 20:21 Congratulations, Darren Glass, DM Dave to get your sticker. Dave 20:26 Yes, thank you very much. All right, let's get into your questions for us this week. Uh first one, Meredith. What is your favorite use of a popular song in a TV show? Tara. Tara 20:36 I know for sure that I've already talked about Colin Hayes waiting for my real life to begin in Scrub, so I won't say that again. Instead, I will go for the most recent great one. Which is from the second episode of Margot's Got Money Troubles. Cheyenne drops Margot at her apartment with the baby and is too freaked out to find herself suddenly a grandmother to even help Margot get the baby up the stairs when Margot has stitches from her psiotomy, probably shouldn't be carrying him that way, but as Cheyenne's getting in her car, we hear this. Clip 21:06 You're really just gonna leave me alone with him? You'll be fine You got this. The best thing about a real mind is the provider having everybody. Tara 21:28 Love that you can hear. How much she is hauling ass away from this baby. Sarah 21:32 Oh my God Tara 21:33 Anyway, good use of a song and tells us a lot about the character that it just starts up as soon as she starts her car. Sarah. Sarah 21:40 For years for me, this was the Sunday's cover of Wild Horses in Buffy's Prom episode, and I'm sure I've mentioned that a myriad times before, but the Perfect couple credits sequence with everyone dancing to Megan Trainer's criminals might have overtaken it? I guess I could keep both. One is touching, one is just like, what? Okay, I'm into it. I love that song, so I'm a basic, but that's a fun one. Dave. Dave 22:06 I've never watched one episode of the OC unless it was for this podcast, and I'm not sure we did it for this podcast ever, but I know from Cultural Osmosis about the what you say scene clip, you know, where somebody gets shot and that stupid song comes on. Tara 22:16 Mm-hmm. Sarah 22:16 Mm-hmm. Tara 22:20 Yeah. Dave 22:20 So that's my anti-pick. It's so bad it kind of comes around to being enjoyable. Actual Lancers uh in the air tonight. Miami Vice was great. Sarah 22:28 Mm-hmm, yeah Dave 22:29 Pump up the jam from Kunk On. Tara 22:32 Yeah. Dave 22:33 Fortara, brothers in arms from the Americans. Tara 22:36 Yeah Sarah 22:36 Oh yeah. Dave 22:36 And I am just gonna put bookend it with anti-picks. Absolutely not red right hand from Peaky Blinders. Tara 22:42 Oh God, yes. Sarah 22:44 Ooh. Dave 22:44 God damn. Stop it! Tara 22:45 Played seven thousand times Dave 22:46 Stop it! Yeah. Uh laugher, L A F R. Is there a thing you do that instantly triggers a memory of a scene from a TV show? Sarah. Sarah 22:57 This is not anymore. This is not current, but I used to have a car key fob that the key part the metal part folded into the fob and then when it was time to put it in the ignition you press a key and it flipped open kind of like a switchblade. Dave 23:10 Sure. Yeah. Sarah 23:12 Literally every time I would hold it up at eye level, flick it open and mutter, go pirates, just like the Veronica Mars pilot when she is freeing Wallace from his uh duct tape prison on the flagpole. Dave. Dave 23:24 Sometimes I let people choke on their own vomit, which reminds me of the time Walter White did that, although I was first by a few years. Sarah 23:33 Jesus. Tara 23:33 They deserved it. Dave 23:34 Yeah. Tara 23:35 This isn't something I do habitually, but when I recently scraped the car on a pole in a parking lot, I did think of getting a lot of sparks on this side, Dad, from The Simpsons. Dave 23:46 Yeah. Tara 23:46 Also sorry, again about the car, Dave. Dave 23:48 All right, Dixon Chance has our next one. What actor from a speculative fiction show can make you believe that they believe what they're going through? No matter how idiotic it gets. I'm gonna go with most of the clone club clones from Orphan Black. By the end of that show was a freaking clone jambaroo, but I feel they mostly held it together as characters, even though there was probably too many of them. So that's my pick. Tar? Tara 24:16 I'm gonna say Chris Marshall as Danielle in For All Mankind, aka Space Show. She is, no pun intended, one of the more grounded characters. And I was sad that she got so sidelined in season five, although, you know At this point, I guess she's like seventy-five, but still. Sarah Sarah 24:33 Yeah, my notes read, tell me you are talking about space show without using the words space and show. But my answer was Ren Schmidt, I do believe her, and as her character, I think she successfully inhabits the increasing age of her character, but keeps that thread of what we've always known about her, even when the plot is doofy slash they should actually speak be dead. Tara 24:58 Yes. For non-credits readers, that's she played Marco. Sarah 25:01 Yes, sorry. Tara 25:02 Yes. Dave 25:03 Seth, Dave, Dave! Do you keep a list of your alternate Discord names? If so, can you pick one that's now utterly bewildering and come up with a reason why it was briefly your name? Uh I don't. Uh they are almost all things mentioned on the podcast. My current one is real jug jamboree from our Bobsberger's discussion, so that's usually what it is. If that's utterly bewildering to you, that can be your answer, but they are not summoned from my brain cloud. They are actual things we talk about on the show. So they are grounded in TV reality. Tara 25:34 Your Yes, your brain cloud is for other things. Dave 25:38 My brain cloud is for other things. C Kent, better narrator for humorous effect, Ron Howard in Arrested Development, or John McEnroe in Never Have I Ever Tara being the only person that's watched both. Answer this, please. Tara 25:53 Yes, it's Ron Howard for sure. McNroe is fine, but you know, he's not an actor, so he doesn't add a lot of variation to his performance, in my opinion. Dave 26:03 Mm-hmm. Seth's back. Forget the miniature wife. Peacock has moved on to the minotaur wife. Who are you casting on the show and what is the first episode about? I love this question, by the way. Tara 26:17 Yeah. First I had to Google for this name and I tried famous Olympic Lady American 2024 Strong and that didn't get me there. So then I remembered, oh yeah, TikTok. I was of course thinking of Alonamar, the Olympic rugby star, breakout from the 2024 Summer Games I don't know if she can act. I do know that she is very strong, such that she could convince me she's half lady bull, aka cow. There's no way to say that without being salting. I assume you know what I mean. Strangely the episode is a beat for beat remake of the miniature wife series premiere, except Les innovation is to turn people temporarily into half ruminants. to cut down their climate footprint by forcing them into vegetarian meaning all grass diets. Dave. Dave 27:05 Well, the first episode is about the Minotaur wife winning the Indianapolis 500 because it stars Mini Tour Driver Tara 27:15 Okay Dave 27:18 Yeah, sorry. Sarah 27:19 Ray Seahorn stars as Kim Wexler, and the first episode is just about Kim getting freaky Friday at a cattle ranch and then trying to manage her horsey cowie hindquarters. In a law office and how do you use the ladies' room, constant craving for oats in court, etc. and so on Dave 27:39 Rightwood, what is brand power? Sarah Sarah 27:45 Cat Powers Alter Ego, Ala Garth Brooks, and Chris Gaines. Tara Tara 27:51 I went boring. I assume the idea is to group a bunch of brands under one umbrella to give the machine of X Excellence, a good housekeeping seal of approval. By the way, this was how I found out good housekeeping is still publishing a print edition. Can you believe it? Dave 28:07 Wow. Tara 28:08 like every other month anyway, without actually promising any kind of rigorous testing metrics. Dave 28:13 Mm-hmm. Tara 28:15 I would love to think there is I mean, as you know you all know how I feel about dirty cord cutters, but I would love to know How many people in our listenership have no idea what this is because they just never see those commercials on network television anymore. Dave 28:28 Yeah, I guess it's been going on since the 70s though, so I feel like if you're old, it le you know, unless you're under twenty, you've probably come across them at some point in your life. Tara 28:31 That's true. Dave 28:37 Anyways, I actually answered. I like I was like, yeah, what is it exactly? I mean, I had the vague idea, as you did, Tara, that it's create a sheen of respectability around it. Tara 28:46 Yeah, yeah. Dave 28:46 But then I looked it up, it's one company that does this, and it is a mechanism, it's basically an ad co-op Tara 28:54 Okay. Dave 28:54 They buy all this time that's expensive on local and regional channels that would usually have minimum buys And then you buy into that via brand power commercials. So let's say you're Procter and Gamble and you really want to hit the Midwest regional markets, but you don't want to spend 17 million dollars and only want to spend five million dollars, then you might do it through this. I don't know why you would because all these commercials are terrible. Tara 29:22 Yeah, they're bad. Dave 29:24 But I was reading this thread from actual people in the industry and they said brand power generates certain metrics that are really good on paper. even though they have no real world results. So I think what happens is people in the industry are using that to hit their quotas. for whatever this is and this company is just sort of locked into being the one provider in a cost effective manner. Tara 29:42 Ah, okay. Dave 29:49 Yep. Ambrose Chapel, what's the one alcoholic drink you can't bear to drink anymore because of that night? Well, we all know I don't drink, so I can't answer this, so let's go right to our drunk panel member. Surety buddy. Tara 30:05 She's drunk right now. Dave 30:07 She's blastered. Tara 30:07 It's ten forty two AM. Oh my God. Sarah 30:09 It's true. Dave 30:10 Like 10. Sarah 30:11 I won't be drinking port though, because turns out it's fortif fortified. So i you shouldn't drink the whole bottle. Even if your boyfriend had like a really gnarly facial stitches injury, that I because you're gonna have to drive home the next day and you're gonna feel really gross. Tara 30:26 Ooh. I know no one expects me to have an answer, but I do. I I also don't drink. And it's not only because of the night that I had dry white wine and escargot in Kitchener, Ontario, of all places Dave 30:41 Jesus. Sarah 30:41 Oh, well Dave 30:45 Oh Sarah 30:48 Oh no. Tara 30:48 This was the night before a friend and I went to the Stratford Festival to see a stage production of Amadeus starring Com Fior from Space Show as Salieri. Dave 30:53 Mm-hmm. Tara 31:01 And Stephen we met, who is probably most known as the voice of Beetlejuice in the cartoon Beetlejuice, but he played Wolfie. Sarah 31:01 Well Tara 31:10 That was in probably like nineteen ninety four. Dave 31:12 Played who? Tara 31:13 Played played Mozart, Wolfie. Dave 31:15 Oh, Wolfie. You said it three times. Tara 31:18 Oh, I see Dave 31:19 You've you've invoked the Beetlejuice voice actor Sarah 31:22 Nice fucking model. Dave 31:25 All right. Dr. Calhoun has our last question. What do you imagine the models on thrumethods. com are thinking as they pose in their through method clothes? Tara, what are they thinking? Tara 31:37 Well, they don't know they're posing in through Methods Apparel, of course. They don't know anything about any of the companies who are gonna use their licensed image, so I assume it's something like, I hope this isn't gonna be used for a shirt with a swastika on it. Sarah Sarah 31:52 This is at least as bad as jazz, Dave. Dave 31:55 Is my perfectly youthful body the thing that keeps unit sales down at a tidy zero? Alright everybody, here is your Ask Ask EHG question for this week. It comes from Dixon Chance, who asks, your mission? Do the worst possible casting for a live-action Scooby-Doo reboot. This could be voice actors, it could be real actors, however you want to do this reboot is up to you. Go to our Discord Ask Ask ESG channel and put your answer there. We'll be back soon with judgment on that. Whoever has the best answer. Wins a sticker package. By the way, I sent out the stickers, they're gone. Tara 32:32 Hey good job, Dave. Dave 32:32 They're out, I finally did it. Hooray for me It is time for the tiny cannon presenting this week. It is our good friend, Mr. Dan Casino. Take it away, Dan. Clip 32:46 Why do I join you? I have a submission today for the Extra Hot Great tiny cannon, in particular the signature move tiny cannon, and I present to you what is best known as the Riker Maneuver. Now in this famously visual meeting of podcasting I can't show you the Riker maneuver, but I can explain it. You don't look like a person who came here to relax. Whenever William Frakes' character Commander Riker comes into a seat in Star Trek's Next Generation. He doesn't sit down like a normal person. No no no Instead, he lifts one leg over the back of the seat, many of the seats are very low, especially those in ten forward, and then kind of leans himself down into the chair. It looks like approximately how you would try and make an action figure sit down if it was one of those old ones that only had like three joints that actually moved. Is there something wrong with it? Now William Frakes has said this was a character note. He thought it was a cowboy, cocky way of sitting down. But his co-stars have said it was because of an old back injury that he actually just can't comfortably sit normally in a chair. He does it all the time, and once you see it, you can't unsee it. So, even though you can't see it at home right now, I'd encourage you to seek out the compilations of William Riker attempting to sit down in a way no human has ever done. And please bring it in to The extra hot grate signature moves tiny cannon. Tara 34:09 Thank you, Dan. First of all, with all due respect to Dr. Casino, it's Jonathan Frakes, not William. It's William Riker. Dave 34:16 I didn't catch that. Tara 34:18 Yeah. Dave 34:19 I'm outraged Tara 34:21 Yes. You also don't have to search for a supercut. We'll put the one that Dan provided for us in the show notes. So just, you know, scroll down, click, it's right there. I did know about this being a thing people talked about in the fandom. I didn't realize until watching this supercut he also does it getting up. Sarah 34:41 Get to get yes, he reverses it to get up. That's I mean, that's what makes it art to me gorgeous. Tara 34:44 I d yeah. That was news to me It's because of a back injury, according to Will Wheaton. And apparently they also wrote a back injury into Riker's backstory to no pun intended to explain this. 'Cause there's also a Riker Lean. Anyway, yeah, this is obviously a very memorable thing. It's really funny to watch The supercut and see him do it over and over and over again. Also, this supercut is how I learned Tony Todd did a next generation episode because we see his credit in this, like just randomly. Dave 35:17 Yeah, he plays candy, man. Tara 35:19 Oh wow, cool! Dave 35:20 Yeah. Tara 35:21 Can't have bees on a spaceship. Sarah 35:21 No Dave 35:22 No. Tara 35:23 No, you can't. Sarah. Sarah 35:25 Not with that attitude. It really does make it clear the supercut also that he j can't get in a chair normally. Like there's a couple of times where you could see that he's thinking about trying to get in or out of a chair like anyone else would. But there's like a sideways-ness to it that and then he's always just like, Nope, I'm just uh lifting the leg again. And it's really brilliant to to see. I had heard of this before. I had heard that it was because of back injury. Think it's wonderful and actually a really good note for this character to have like this whatever cowboy Dave 36:03 Seat swagger Sarah 36:05 Like Yeah, seat swagger, but also like I don't know, the the character doesn't always read as bad. He's like so much cornier, and then this move really goes with the corn of Riker, in my less studied opinion, in the TNG verse. So yeah, this was a pleasure, and as Tara noted That was my first note, like, oh, he throws it in reverse to leave a chair as well. Amazing. Tara 36:32 Yeah. Sarah 36:32 No notes. And uh yeah, I this was great. A pleasure to contemplate. Tara 36:36 Mm-hmm. Sarah 36:36 Dave. Dave 36:36 I know we all enjoyed seat swagger, so let me bring it down two hundred notches with stool cool. Sarah 36:44 Mmm. Tara 36:46 Dave also has sweet swag uh uh seat swagger. He does not have stool hole, trust me. Dave 36:50 No. I wonder if anybody's done like an anti-cut or like the places where he perhaps doesn't do it. Because I'm just thinking if there is a script like Riker and the away team have to play diplomats to the planet of the people that hate people that don't sit down properly. Tara 36:58 Mm-hmm. Sarah 37:08 Yeah. Dave 37:09 Because, you know, it would be an insult to them. Sarah 37:11 Both feet on the floor at all times. Dave 37:11 Like in that Yes. Sarah 37:13 Ooh. Dave 37:14 Riker, in order to have sex with his woman, has to be the perfect dinner guest. How is he gonna sit down there? Tara 37:19 Mm-hmm. Dave 37:20 Like these are the questions I want answered to see if the Riker maneuver is actually a 100% event throughout Star Trek. Tara 37:28 Yeah. Dave 37:28 I think that's the lit litmus test. Tara 37:30 Yeah, I also now that we're talking about it, it occurs to me this has to have been something they made fun of on lower decks too Dave 37:37 Oh, I'm sure. Yeah. And it's nice just to have positive fandom about something stupid now. Tara 37:42 Yeah Sarah 37:43 Yeah, that's what the tiny cannon's for. Dave 37:43 Remember? Yes. Sarah 37:45 Come on. Dave 37:45 All right, let's put this to the official vote. Tara Ariano, what's to you? Tara 37:48 First of all, they did do a joke about it on lower decks and we'll link that clip in the show notes as well. Secondly, yay. Dave 37:55 Sarity Monday. Sarah 37:57 Shut the door, have a seat, not so fast. Yes. Dave 38:00 Alright, me too. So the Riker maneuver from Star Trek Next Generation. You're hereby inducted into the extra hot, great, tiny signature move cannon. Clip 38:12 Americans love a winner. Yeah. And will not tolerate a loser. Nope. Dave 38:18 All right, it is time for Nancy. Quite winners and losers of the week are not quite winner. For me is young Sherlock, just renewed for season two at Prime Video. We talked about it briefly on the main podcast, I think. Uh a couple months ago when it first came out, Guy Ritchie does young Sherlock but is not connected to the Sherlock movies with Iron Man. And it was kinda fun. I wasn't expecting it to be quite as uh non-guy richy as it settled into eventually Tara 38:47 Yeah, I think that's a good idea. Dave 38:47 The first episode, yeah, that's a guy richie thing. Second episode a little bit less. Sarah 38:50 Mm-hmm. Dave 38:52 Third episode settled into itself and I thought the interplay of Moriarty and Sherlock as college buddies was fun and their arcs throughout the season were great. The princess storyline really worked for me. There was just a lot of things that managed to click and part of it was low expectations. But also I thought it was a good show and happy to watch more. Loser of the week, people whose attention spans are so ruined that they would watch the series premiere of the Audacity, bracket, Closing bracket. And three minute segments on TikTok, which uh AMC has made possible. Apparently they're doing this, which God help us as a society, just like give up on TV if that's the way you're gonna market it. Just why bother? Tara 39:35 Yeah, Dave 39:36 Like That is the signifier that you have failed and you are about to go out of business if you are trying to Get people that only watch three minute clips at most, at most, they sure do prefer the 15 to 20 second ones, I'm betting. And that is the way you're going to try to sell somebody on a 50-minute episode or something. Come on. Tara 39:59 Mm-hmm. Dave 40:00 Come on. Dumb. All right, Sarah, who's your knockbite winner of the week? Tara 40:01 Yep. Sarah 40:04 My Not Quite Winner is a true crime television program called Harlan Coben's Final Twist. This Not Quite Winner announcement is not an endorsement, but uh it was renewed for season two at CBS. This is like the CBS true crime shit besides actual forty-eight hours that you can possibly imagine Dave 40:22 Oh. I thought you were talking about the testicular torsion guy again. Sarah 40:27 Um but he's in the hospital and until he's feeling better, Harlan Coleman's final twist. I'm sure it's fine, but This is a very boomer demographic thing, like get a crime novelist, get him to sort of do bracket presentations of cases that he based his books on. It might actually be good. I have not watched it, but I will have an ample opportunity to check it out, I guess, should I change my mind. Sticking with the crime sphere, sort of, because this was the topic of Quiet on the Set a couple years ago. My not quite loser is Dan Schneider. Jenny Garth, star of Beverly Hills Downer 210, says she got, quote, bad vibes from him when she was working on his show What I Like About You And asked only to communicate with the show's other co-creator, Will Calhoun, given what we know or think we know, because she won't ever totally admit anything about her being a mean girl and trying to be a diva, this is still extremely believable, and even a broken clock is right twice a day. So good for you for setting a boundary. And choosing yourself, Jenny Garth. But Dan Schneider, ugh. Tara 41:36 Yeah. Sub winner, Jenny Garth, who I guess remembers my name well enough to have not given decider or ordered her team not to give decider a galley of her memoir, which she's out promoting right now. Sarah 41:49 Oh wow, rude. Tara 41:50 As soon as my editor said my name to her team, they were like went real silent. And I don't blame them, I guess. Uh my not quite winner of the week is ghosts. Which is getting one hour Halloween and Christmas specials this fall ahead of its season six premiere, which is not going to be until next spring, 2027. All for anything that makes more original Christmas and other holiday specials happen in the style of how they do them in the UK. I think it's a great trend. I'd love to see more. We've said this before. Ghosts, thanks for listening. Good job. My not quite loser of the week is a couple of bad fans. First, Frankie Muniz, who is uh promoting Malcolm in the Middle life's Still unfair, the apparently fine but unnecessary Hulu revival that's only four episodes long. So you're like, why even bother? But they did. But I guess he was doing a video somewhere and outed himself as one of the Breaking Bad viewers who hated Skylar, specifically saying he wanted to kill her. So that Brian Cranston had to be like, her husband murdered people. Sarah 42:55 Jesus Christ. Tara 42:58 Like, you know, I don't think it's m saying very much that he defended her, but there are right ways and wrong ways to watch shows, and that's the wrong way to watch Breaking Bad. Also, relatedly, b more bad fans, the fans of Percy Jackson, who have forced its star, whose name is Walker Scobel, to skip prom because he says anytime he is with any teenage girl remotely associated with him, that girl gets death threats from his fans online. Cool? Everybody chill out. Like I really feel like a lot of people need to ha be audited on their social media use and just have their accounts taken away forever because Jesus Christ. Sarah 43:38 Oh my god. Yeah, you know my like crackpot thing about how everybody should work in food service for six months Tara 43:47 Mm-hmm. Sarah 43:47 To the you know, to the extent that they're able to participate. That I have a similar thing now that's like everybody needs to take a one week intensive seminar on parasocial relationships and how to manage them and self-soothe. Tara 43:59 Yeah. Mm-hmm. Not a bad idea. Sarah 44:04 Yeah. Dave 44:07 Chair Bear Lounger Scrooger Tara 44:10 No. Sarah 44:12 No. No. Dave 44:16 Uh, see from a carzar? All right. Uh are we done? Tara 44:26 We're done this. Dave 44:26 Did we finish this okay great? Tara 44:27 Yeah Dave 44:28 I'm so busy writing these down, I didn't hear anything. Great. Fantastic. Here we go. Tara 44:38 Welcome grandpas! Today's topic is Tara forces everyone to watch five of Tom Selleck's pre-fame commercials. We've seen him in reverse mortgage ads. We've heard him in those, you will, ATT commercials circa nineteen ninety-three. But what was Tom Selleck up to in his pre-Thomas Magnum era? a lot and a lot of it had to do with his stinky body or rather how stinky his body wasn't. So let's hear the first of our little package here. Dave, please play our Dubanay commercial. Clip 45:14 I met him at a party. I was having Dubonnay on the rocks, and he called me a little old lady. Little old lady passing by. Dubonet with soda and a twist. Some guys still think it's a drink for little old ladies. When he used to know about women, you get stuck in your hat. Dubonet, cocktail time, but anytime you and your little old lady get together. Tara 45:42 Okay, you don't hear Tom Sellick in that ad. What you do here is Farah Fawcett. Three years or maybe four pre-Charlie's Angels. This commercial is from 1972. Sarah, you made a face when they were talking about Dubanay. Have you ever tasted this product? Sarah 45:59 Mm no, but I strongly identify it with like seventies commercials that sort of went around me like this, Seven and Seven and Chablis are like the holy trinity of seventies drinks. That's like who even talks about them anymore? Who even cares about them anymore? What made me smile also is that like little old lady drink. I don't think that was the vibe, but then they're just like lounging around in what appears to be a ghost town. Tara 46:29 Yeah, yeah. Sarah 46:29 on the back lot, just like enjoying a pair of Dubonnays with some twists on a broken wagon wheel? Tara 46:37 Mm-hmm. Sarah 46:38 Where's the little old lady vibe in that? You need some lace and some anti-Makassars, like on a floral couch. That is not what's happening. Tara 46:47 Yeah. Sarah 46:48 Here. They're in that set from the Brady Bunch Ghost Town episode. It's very weird. He looks good though. Dave 46:54 Wagon wheels were really hot in the seventies. Tara 46:57 True. Sarah 46:58 Oh sure. Tara 46:59 Mm-hmm. Dave 46:59 Not only there's a dessert in Canada, I don't know if they have them in the States called wagon wheels, sort of this marshmallow-we thing. They started in the sixties or seventies, I'm pretty sure. But also people would just put wagon wheels in their front yard. Tara 47:11 Yeah. Dave 47:12 It would just be like, ah, birdbaths, no way. Sarah 47:13 Yeah. Dave 47:15 Wagon wheels for me. There's a s there's a house down on Shoal Creek, Tara, which is a nice uh road near us. and they have two wagon wheels on either side of their driveway like lions at a uh English manor. Except you can tell they were installed in the seventies and they were so worried about people stealing their magnificent metal wagon wheels. that they put them in concrete like a fence pole. Tara 47:40 Oh God. Mm-hmm. Dave 47:42 But since then they've obviously redone their driveway and they've dug them up But they didn't want to get rid of them. So now they're just sitting on the lawn with this giant cement stump. Tara 47:52 Oh God. Dave 47:53 And then you see the wagon wheel. I'm just saying, people love their wagon wheels. Tara 47:57 Yeah, yeah. Dave 47:57 It's sort of Western via Vegas. That was sort of the vibe for a lot of that, you know, the frontier casino kind of uh sensibility. Sarah 48:00 Yeah, mm hmm Dave 48:05 Anyways, about the commercial It's an ongoing theme with a lot of these ones. So much star power. Where were they then? Scenarios. Tara 48:14 Mm-hmm. Dave 48:14 Far Foss and Tom Sellick in the same commercial S powerhouse. Tara 48:17 Yeah. Dave 48:17 And that's not even the most. Sarah 48:18 mm, mm, mm Tara 48:19 Nope. Dave 48:19 That we're gonna see in this one. Tara 48:21 Sure isn't Dave 48:21 But Tom Sellick, no lines. Tara 48:23 No. Dave 48:24 Also, also a theme we'll come with to again. Tara 48:27 Looking hot at the end. Dave 48:28 Oh yeah. Sarah 48:29 Yeah. Tara 48:29 For anyone who doesn't know, and I looked it up, I was like, I assume Dubonet is a liqueur. Basically, it is, quote A sweet, aromatized, wine-based quinquina, often enjoyed as an aperitif. It's a blend of fortified wine, herbs, and spices, including a small amount of quinine. with fermentation being stopped by the addition of alcohol. So it sounds like it would get you real drunk quickly. Dave 48:53 It sounds like the way they used to drink wine in ancient Rome. Tara 48:56 Hmm. So Fawcett and Selleck together, they're as sexy as Ted Danson and his lady in that coffee commercial that we talked about when we talked about Ted Danson's prefame ads. Dave 49:03 Oh yeah. Tara 49:06 It's a real, I agree with both of them vibe to this, including like the slight but not overdone slow motion of it. It's just like everything slows down when it's just you and your man at the back lot western set. Anyway. I moved this one to first in the order, even though it's chronologically in the middle of the ones that I found, because it's the only one that is not preying on the consumer's fears of smelling bad. So here we go. Let's hear Safeguard from 1971. Clip 49:35 Safeguard's deodorant lather is so effective, it doesn't need heavy perfume. Safeguard gives you naturally clean smelling skin. What about me? I use a deodorant. That's just it, Jeffrey. You smell like a deodorant soap. Tara 49:54 Fucking Jeffrey Sarah 49:58 I mean, right? Clip 49:59 You know it's a pleasure having someone in my tab who smells so fresh and clean. He married. Safeguard doesn't need heavy perfume to mask odor because it's so effective at removing the cause of perspiration odor. Good morning. Good morning. He smells just the way a man should smell. Clean. Safeguard's deodorant lather is so effective, it doesn't need heavy perfume. With Safeguard, you don't get the heavy smell of some deodorant soaps. You get naturally clean smelling skin. Tara 50:34 Okay, so what happens is we open on Tom Selleck in the shower. Quite a lot of his torso, considering it's 1971, just washing up with safeguard soap. Sarah 50:40 Mm-hmm Yeah Dave 50:45 Yeah, lathering up that dong. Tara 50:47 That's right. Then moving through the world being an just absolute catnip to every woman who encounters him because he smells Dave 50:54 Yeah Tara 50:55 So good. And even though this is clean shaven, Tom Selleck, and I think we can all agree he is less that's his less powerful form. Dave 51:03 To me, he looked like a young George Clooney without his mustache here. Tara 51:06 Yeah, yeah, he does, mm-hmm Sarah 51:07 Yes. And his height makes him perfect for this because everyone else in the commercial is kind of at armpit level. Tara 51:14 Mm-hmm. Sarah 51:15 But yeah, he was very foxy in this, I thought. Dave 51:15 Yeah. Tara 51:17 Yeah. This is told exclusively from the female gays, I would say. Sarah 51:22 Mm-hmm. Dave 51:23 Yeah, a lot of um what's that character's name? Uh Helen hyena or whatever from the uh cartoons, A Man. Yeah Tara 51:33 And yes, as Dave was alluding with regard with regard to the um Dubanay commercial with Fo Farah Fawcett, Terry Garr and Penny Marshall are both playing ladies in the Tom Selleck character's office. That was Terry Garr you heard saying he smells just like a man should. Dave 51:48 And the cabbie's a mash game regular. Sarah 51:49 Mm-hmm. Tara 51:51 Yes, Patty Deutsch. Dave 51:52 Yeah. Sarah 51:52 That was also another preoccupation of the entire 70s, I would say. Tara 51:57 Mm-hmm. Sarah 51:58 Ivory wasn't strong enough, but it was like you there was this binary soap choice. Irish Spring, which you had to cut to like count the rings, but it that was like too stinky and Ivory was much more natural, so it was like Ivory and Dove on the one hand, and then apparently soap manufacturers weren't capable of manufacturing a scented soap that wasn't going to turn a man into a neutered giant flower This was definitely a p thing in the advertising and the marketing that it's like, don't worry, you won't smell gay. Like, okay. Tara 52:34 Also say because I didn't have to We'll have links to all of these commercials in the show notes so that you can watch them for yourself. But my favorite detail of this other than the performances was when we see the box of safeguard soap and it has in the top left corner beige because this was from when we were matching the color of our soap bars to the decor of our bathrooms and it was this Dave 52:56 Yeah. Sarah 52:56 And the toilet paper as well, yes. Tara 52:58 That's right. Dave 52:59 We must have had a safeguard commercial before because we've had this conversation. Tara 53:02 Have we? Dave 53:03 Yeah. Sarah 53:03 Mm-hmm. Tara 53:03 Okay. Dave 53:04 I think there was one I I don't know which one who it was, but yeah, I just remember having the why is it called beige? Tara 53:04 Well Dave 53:10 And then we were like, oh yeah, colored toilet paper of the era, of course. Tara 53:10 Yeah. Sarah 53:13 Mm-hmm. Dave 53:13 Yeah. Tara 53:15 All right, should we move on? Dave 53:16 Yeah, beige toilet paper I don't think they had for good reason. Alright, yep. Tara 53:21 Next, also from nineteen seventy-one, Reich Guard. Clip 53:25 My antiperspirant is convenient. It's reasonably priced and it smells okay. I just wish it had worked better for me. If your antiperspirant doesn't do what you hired it to, fire yours. And hire ours. Right guard antiperspirant. Get the drying agent that really helps keep you dry. Does my antiperspirant really keep me dry? That's hard to say. No, it doesn't. Not all the time anyway. Then fire yours. And higher hours. Ours is right guard. Tara 53:54 It's always funny when a commercial has actors pretending to be just random people on the street because Sarah 54:00 Mm-hmm. Tara 54:01 Especially in Tom Selleck's case, he's just too hot. In the ladies' case, she's just too actory. Dave 54:04 Mm-hmm. Tara 54:07 At this point, his agent has told him, Grow a mustache, and we thank that agent because it really makes a difference. Dave 54:09 Yeah. Sarah 54:12 Yeah. His agent was like and when asked about the turtleneck, he's like, hmm the neck place. It looks good But he is very good at getting that like m seemingly spontaneous man on the street chuckle in. Tara 54:26 Mm-hmm. Yes. Sarah 54:27 If you didn't know it was him, you would buy it, probably, except that he's shot sort of artily and extremely close up, so Tara 54:30 Mm-hmm. Sarah 54:34 They're full of shit. But it's an ad, you know. Tara 54:36 Mm-hmm. Dave 54:37 Same energy that will serve him well cocking his eyebrows three times in the opening credits of Magna P. Tara 54:42 That's so true. Sarah 54:42 Mm-hmm. Tara 54:45 All right, next from nineteen seventy-seven, this is for close up. Clip 54:49 Shelly acts like I'm a loser. But this should impress her. $150. Impressive. Now try close-up. Oh, that's just toothpaste. Maybe a dash of color. Bob, put your money where your mouth is. Whiter teeth and fresh breath will win points with Shelley. Looks like mouthwash. There's mouthwash in close-up for your breath. Does it whiten your teeth? White as it can be. How's your date with Shelley? Hey, this loser's a lover now. Put your money where your mouth is. Buy close-up Dave 55:18 Hey, you wanna get into Shelly's pants? Here's a tube of toothpaste Tara 55:21 Spend a hundred and fifty dollars on a suit Sarah 55:24 The emergence of the gel from the tube is very Dave 55:29 Red Rocket Sarah 55:30 Uncircumcised emergence. Just gonna leave it there. Also, what is the Tom Sellick character doing? At the end when he's like, how's your day with Sha is he building a birdhouse? Tara 55:42 He's He's tinkering with something. Sarah 55:43 Is he tying flies? What is happening in that scene? Tara 55:46 It looks like he was like repairing a pencil sharpener or something. Dave 55:48 Mm. Nineteen seventy seven. Sarah 55:50 Okay. Dave 55:51 Yeah. Tara 55:51 Mm-hmm. Dave 55:51 Macromet Sarah 55:51 Mm-hmm. Tara 55:52 Mm-hmm. Sarah 55:52 Yeah. Tara 55:53 But I'm intrigued by this toothpaste. Sarah 55:53 Oh yeah. Tara 55:55 It was cinnamon flavored. Dave 55:56 Yeah, yeah, we used to have that. Sarah 55:57 Mm. Tara 55:58 Mm-hmm. Dave 55:58 My parents tried everything to make me brush and I refused, but one of them was close-up cinnamon Sarah 55:58 Delicious. Tara 56:03 That's true, 'cause you don't like mint. Sarah 56:04 Yeah, I think that's a good thing. Tara 56:05 But yes, good call casting Tom Sellica's not the guy who's having a hard time getting a leg over his date. He's the other guy who's like, it's because your breath is bad and your teeth are yellow. Sarah 56:16 Yeah, and you're not Tom Sellick, but you know, who among us? Tara 56:19 Yes. That's true. The subtext of this commercial is like, I know how to get Shelly because I've had Shelly, if you know what I mean Dave 56:26 Yeah. I feel like if they had a equivalent commercial today, you wouldn't get a name for somebody off camera. Like Shelly wouldn't be Shelly. Tara 56:34 Maybe Dave 56:35 She would just be like the date. I just feel like there's too much backstory in this commercial. Tara 56:40 I don't think she would get a name. It just wouldn't be Shelly today. Dave 56:41 You think so? Hm, well, yes, of course. Sarah 56:43 Mm-hmm. Tara 56:44 Madison. Sarah 56:45 It would be the town bike. Just kidding. Tara 56:47 This is our last one. Also from 1977. It is for Ban Basic. Clip 56:52 Yeah, band basic the answer for me. Ban basic's the answer. Ban basic is the answer. The answer for me is band basic. Ban basic is the answer. Ban basic's the answer for me. B And this is the elder Band basic, that's the answer. People are switching to band basic because it looks and feels like an aerosol spray, but has no aerosol propellants, and its effective anti-wetness protection really helps keep you dry. Gun basic is the answer. Tara 57:22 Ending on a foreigner, I guess there's a Democrat in office, am I right Dave 57:26 They stink more, they know Sarah 57:30 It's true. She didn't shave her pits, and it still works. Woo! Tara 57:33 Yes, so the concept here is you can probably guess it's like just a montage of various men's and women's on the street, on the beach, in the woods, etc. Dave 57:41 Mm-hmm. Tara 57:42 , all saying their choice for deodorant. It is band basic. Dave 57:45 I would have thought that started later. In my mind, that's sort of a mid to late eighties commercial trends. Sarah 57:51 What the anti aerosol or the unisex diodes? Tara 57:53 No the yeah Dave 57:54 People talking to the camera about their experience using the product in rapid succession is something that I associate with advertising in a much later date. Sarah 57:57 Oh, okay. Tara 58:02 Oh, see, I think of that as the late 80s more, and this was when we were talking about the John Wesley Ship commercials in our sister podcast Again With Again With This. Sarah 58:10 Mm Tara 58:10 He was Dave 58:10 They're more testimonial. Tara 58:12 Well, no, it was more like a story. Dave 58:14 Yeah. Tara 58:14 Like he was having a date with his wife and we get to see their house and like they're changing outfits and stuff, you know. Dave 58:15 Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you know in The Simpsons, you know, that joke where he's talking to a person, he says, I'm the guy that invented people talking to the camera in commercial, then Homer just punches him, sight unseen. Tara 58:21 Yeah. Yes, yeah, yeah Dave 58:27 I feel like that's what I'm thinking of. This is not quite that, but it's g it's getting there. Tara 58:32 To me, that joke is about the ads that are more like 30 something, but it's a commercial about coffee or whatever. Dave 58:38 Okay. Tara 58:38 You know what I mean Sarah 58:38 Mm-hmm. Dave 58:39 Yeah. Sarah 58:39 Yeah Tara 58:40 Agree to disagree. Tom Selleck, he's not one of the people in the montage. That was him like in the gray void that is the band basic lab, I assume. Just he's telling us what we need to know about its lack of propellants, etc. Sarah 58:50 Yeah, Dave 58:53 Right. Tara 58:53 That said, I don't trust this product without propellant to go on dry, and the fact that they no longer make it this way tells me it did not. Sarah 59:02 Yeah. Dave 59:02 Also an item on the counter in our bathroom. We've already talked about Pearl Drops, the upside down toothpaste thing that you put on there. Tara 59:07 Sure. Sarah 59:09 Mm-hmm. Tara 59:10 Mm-hmm. Dave 59:10 Fascinated with that, was not allowed to use it. Tara 59:13 Mm-hmm. Dave 59:13 Too expensive for my mouth again. I thought you guys wanted me to brush. Let me use tooth polish. They're like, no, you're too young for tooth polish. What? So Ban was another one on there. And I was like, what's this crazy thing? And you like you're you rub your rub your thumb over the ball and it would move around. It was like the same sensation you would get years later using a a mouse in the early eighties. Tara 59:33 Yeah. Sarah 59:38 Yeah, tickle Dave 59:38 And then I'm like, I gotta try this shit and immediately ripped out an armhair out of my young armpit. Like, ah, never doing that again. It gets caught in the wheel and then the wheel pulls it out. Tara 59:51 Well Sarah 59:52 I feel that that's user error, sorry. Dave 59:55 Well how can I it's a ball, it's a confined space. Look, I know all about balls and confined spaces, Sarah you don't Tara 01:00:03 Anyway, Sarah, you were saying Sarah 01:00:04 That's not what anyone read in the men's room, but okay. You're welcome, John Tickle, I was obsessed with, of course. I know I've talked about this in several other venues, because there was a whole range of candy colors, and it just seemed like this grown-up girl, like Tara 01:00:17 Okay. Sarah 01:00:20 something that my older babysitter would have used and it came in different sense, but when you look back at just like the utter artif officiality of every single aspect of it and that it like there was strong dildo vibes in the shapes of these roll-ons like eventually sure and secret and others were like, let's just make it sort of flat and then make it an oval and stop pointing up that rolling ball confined space aspect of it. Tara 01:00:47 Mm-hmm. Yeah. I guess the roll on was a bigger seller than this whole situation that he Dom Salek is describing here, because A plastic pump is not something anyone is doing anymore deodorant-wise. Sarah 01:01:01 No, it's like spray gel. Like, why would you no, just get a stick. Tara 01:01:06 Mm-mm. Sarah 01:01:06 That goes on dry too. Tara 01:01:07 True. Well, thank you, Tom Selleck, for your service. Thank you for telling us about all of these wonderful products. Truly, you have brand power. Sarah 01:01:14 Mm-hmm. Dave 01:01:21 Alright guys, that is it for another episode of Extra Extra Hot Great. We struggled with the new American Gladiator before answering your burning ask. EHG questions like, what's your fave song use on TV? And what the hell is brand power? Dan Casino got the benchmench's chair maneuver into the tiny can, and that's right, the benchmench. Tara 01:01:43 That's good. Dave 01:01:45 We celebrate those who were quite the best and worst of the week, and we wrapped it all up with a look at Magnum P.I.'s Tom Selleck's early commercial career. Next up, it's Beef. Remember. Clip 01:01:58 We're listening. Dave 01:02:01 I am David T. Cole, and on behalf of Tara Ariano, Tara 01:02:05 A disgraced former jock with redemption on her mind. Dave 01:02:09 and Sarah D. Bunting. Sarah 01:02:10 Tom Seligmaky, the Solomon, Dave 01:02:11 Thanks for listening everyone and we'll see you next time right here on Extra Extra Hot Great Clip 01:02:27 Hey, this loser's a lover now. Tara 01:02:33 Striker ordered the enterprise's RAM scoops utilized to collect highly unstable Metrion gas, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Dave 01:02:40 I have highly unstable metrion gas. Tara 01:02:41 So that's you're telling me. Clip 01:02:48 This is Extra Hot Great Minis. Today's topic is Dynamite. This is another extra credit submission from Rob Hartman. This one's a little bit more complex than his last. This might be my favorite suggestion we've had. It's pretty good. Having I'll just read exactly what he wrote. Having read the British scientists clone a dinosaur hoax and being a lover of Jurassic Park Which TV show would most benefit from the addition of dinosaurs? He has some suggestions. Sci-fi shows excluded. Fine. Olivia Pope's problems might be put into perspective if Fitz were eaten by a tyrannosaur. Alicia Floric can be drawn into a lengthy case regarding the personhood rights of a velociraptor. For some reason I I see Fitz meeting his end with a a pterodactyl. As he's like on the uh in the rose garden doing a speech and just sort of swoops in and grabs him like an eagle, he just flies away. I would love to see that happen. Yeah. Some something has to happen to that fucker. Sure. Mine is Archer because it already has shown a willingness this season, whether it has worked out terribly well to do a complete change of change of setting, change of topic. But although, frankly, if we found out that there were also dinosaurs living in Tunt Manor, probably no one would really be that surprised. I think it's within the realm of possibility If she could have an ocelot, she might also have dinosaurs. And her brother was sort of had scientific equipment and stuff, so who knows what he was working on in the background. Totally. So I think This could turn into a sort of thing like this the current season of Archer where they try to figure out how to monetize their dinosaurs or just Um train them to be also. That might be my favorite pull-out quote ever. Monetize those dinosaurs. I've read that book. It's very good. It's a very good business tone. Jack Welsh says Monetize those dinosaurs. Alright, I guess I'm done. Sorry. That's all I had to say. I feel like the ar the idea's been presented. You can use your imagination for the possibilities where it could go. Nick. So I picked Murder She Wrote. Of course. Well for So I well I I think it would make the show more interesting and also solve one of the nagging problems of the show. So the basically the structure would be that every week There would be you know, she would come upon a dead body, she would do all of her investigations, there would all be the twists and turns, but it would always turn out that the person was eaten by a dinosaur. And so if there is if she's living in a world where there are dinosaurs, then it becomes much more believable that she's always encountering dead bodies. Jeff Um mine this may not seem like it makes sense at first, but mine is the Flintstones. And here's why. It needs a real dinosaur. Okay. Because I hate the Flintstones and I want to clear them off the earth. And there's no better way than to put a real Jurassic Park dinosaur in there. And they'd all be like Hey, it's just like Dino! And they just walk up to it and then are severely eaten by the real dinosaur. In the Flintstones. And then the dinosaur would turn to the camera and shrug. In in a way that is hilarious because how can a how can a tyrannosaurus help but shrug? That's just tiny tiny times. Oh my god. Oh you uh Oh it's my turn. Um So following that. Yeah, seriously. You said no fight sci-fi shows, but I did find one show, this is not my pick, but the one show I think it actually could fit in as not sci-fi and everybody would be like, okay, would be Passions Oh yeah, totally. Oh sure, why not? Because they have like demonic possession. That's the only thing they didn't do. That's the only thing they didn't do. Um I already used Downton Abbey this week on the mini, so I won't go there, but that would be pretty good if there was like Velociraptors running around the mansion. But the The way I see it is that it actually just could be like the reuse and episode they did, but just like CG dinosaurs like running between rooms in the background, like Bun Bug Bunny cartoon style. And um, you know, just that's it. There's never actually any true dinosaur, you know, interaction. Well, they're trying to stay out of sight. They've got good manners. They got clever girls. Um But my choice is the one that I kind of feel like it might work like in a fan wanky kind of way would be Gilligan's Island. Oh sure. Oh yeah. You know, remote island in the middle of nowhere. Who knows what's happening there, you know, sort of like the Galapagos, but everything's large scale and uh one by one the survivors get picked up. And then by the end of it. It's just Gilligan going crazy and mad and he's got like you know, he's got like the long castaway beard and he's gone crazy. So now we're doing J. J. Abrams Gilligan's Island. Yeah, basically. Yeah. So that's my choice. Uh thank you, Rob Hartman. This was probably my my favorite suggestion in a long while. And if you want to do a stupid suggestion like this for the mini, I approve. Totally.