A Bedtime Story About Dear Killer Nannies

Clip 0:00 Being separated from cocaine for six hours made me realize I had a problem. And I needed help, in the form of more cocaine. Dave 0:14 This is Extra Extra Hot Great Podcast, episode 403 for the April 4th, 2026 weekend. I am Crispy Ghost, David T. Cole, and I'm here with Dictionary Reader, Sarah D. Bunting. Sarah 0:33 What's shady? Dave 0:35 And Surprise Sniper, Tara Ariano. Tara 0:37 I also toot her on the side. Welcome to Extra, Extra Hot Great for another weekend. And you already heard her in last week's pre-taped episode from January. But she's back. Sarah D. Bunting. Hello. Sarah 1:00 Hello. Tara 1:02 America's Cookie Jar. Sarah 1:03 America's Cookie Jar is back. I am back and jarrier than ever. Tara 1:08 Speaking of being jarred, we're here to talk about Dear Killer Nannies. Dave 1:13 Do it properly. Dear Killer Nannies. Tara 1:22 We all know the story of Pablo Escobar. Pablo Escobar. Dave 1:30 Selling you drugs. Killing your fam. Tara 1:35 Giving you hugs was right there because it's about him being a dad. Come on, Dave. Dave 1:39 He's a really bad man. Sarah 1:43 Believe it or not, I'm selling cocaine. Did I do that right? Yeah. Dave 1:53 Bye-bye now. Bye-bye show. Tara 1:56 We all know the story of Pablo Escobar, the Colombian politician and philanthropist, and, oh yeah, also the most successful cocaine trafficker probably ever. What you may not know is that his son Juan Pablo survived his father's various, uh, adventures and has his own story to tell about growing up in the Escobar family amid a small detachment of armed gangsters that Pablo tasked to look after him. Dear Killer Nannies was co-created by Juan Pablo Escobar and Sebastiano Ortega, a prolific Argentinian TV writer. John Leguizamo plays Pablo. The IMDb page for the show has a total of seven actors on it, five of which are not attached to any character name, so I have no further detail about who's who in the cast. All eight episodes dropped on Hulu April 1st. We conceivably might talk about events from any of them, as well as historical details in the public record. Let's do the Chen check-in. Sarah, should our listeners watch Dear Killer Nannies? Sarah 2:55 I wanted to like it. I picked it, but creo que no. I'm afraid. Tara 3:00 Dave. Dave 3:00 It's a bit of a mess. Tara 3:02 It's a very compelling subject, but it might have been more appropriate for a movie because this jumps around in time a lot. And this is honestly not a patch on Narcos, in my opinion. Sarah 3:15 No. Agree. Tara 3:16 Let's get into it. But I think we'd all agree that shows about children aren't what we typically turn to. But has the show cracked the formula by surrounding its kid character with half a dozen psychopathic assassins and one nice one, Sarah? Sarah 3:33 No. I don't think the kid is the problem. I think he's well cast. I think the actor is fine. The problem here is not that it's so-called kid content or that anyone is yelling Walt into various corners of the screen, but I think this is a container problem. Like you said, this is a fascinating subject and a unique subject. And I think that the production just couldn't decide on a narrower angle that would have worked better for it and is just trying to do everything. Like the crispy ghost of the intro is just like too much time is spent on that. I don't know. Like either they needed to shave off a narrower slice or it needed to be a feature or both. Tara 4:22 Yeah. Once I found out that the creator or one of the creators is Juan Pablo, it's sort of explained a lot. Dave, you're going to say? Dave 4:29 I was going to say, I think you're being too generous. I was going to say that this is not an interesting take on the Pablo Escobar story, that he is a footnote to history and probably should have been left there. I could see something where they, for whatever reason, because there's already lots of stuff out there, just reframe the history of Pablo Escobar, the drug dealer, through the eyes of his son. I don't know why they would do that, but like maybe that, but this is not that this is just, here's my feels. We're going to jump around confusingly in time to sort of create this timeline of stress, drama, trauma is very confused narrative as a result. It's such a mess in that regards that it doesn't do him service. Not that I care about this kid really, like as a character in this larger story, but also just seems like an unnecessary reframing of what you're here for, which is Escobar by the barrelful. And I just thought it was sort of a failure there. Sarah 5:30 I don't disagree, but my notes sort of were wondering whether the way to do this as a series wasn't an, not an anthology, but like each episode is from a different POV of someone who is not Escobar, because I am not actually here for Escobar by the barrel because I did watch Narcos. And I think that's the definitive portrayal. And it's like doing Bundy content. Like you have to set up from another angle and have something to say about the ripple effects of criminality on family, community, etc. I think this started to do that. But then it's like, all right, have one episode from the seven-year-old's POV. Have one from the 15 or 16-year-old version of the kid's POV. Let's have one from the pregnant mom's POV, the new bodyguard. Talk about what it was like to be in this world and really never be able to get out even when he was, quote, eliminated. But putting Johnny Legs in a stripy shirt with a big collar and giving him the hairpiece that makes him look like Escobar. Dave 6:41 We have an Amber Alert. Let's just see if it's for Pablo Escobar's son. It is not. We may continue. Sarah 6:47 Excellent. I just don't think that's enough. And once you've seen Narcos, like I said, and that guy rumbling, like he was just nominated for an Academy Award this year. No, don't step to his Pablo. Dave 7:05 It's a story about a son of an international drug terrorist, and there is a burnt-up ghost that follows him around for a couple episodes, at least. And I'm just like, what am I doing here? I mean, obviously, I know what I'm doing here. Pablo Escobar's son looked at a crowded Pablo Escobar marketplace and said, me too. Tara 7:24 Yeah. Dave 7:25 And tried to figure out a way to make that happen. But, like, literally, there's a scene as the crispy ghost. He is somebody that crossed Pablo Escobar or Pablo Escobar thinks he was crossed by him. And he is doused in gasoline and set aflame. The son witnesses this from the corner of the room. Sarah 7:42 And his son is responsible for his apprehension and rendition by the Escobarettes. Dave 7:48 He's having dreams about him and he's having all this angst about him. And that I'm sure would have happened. But here it's just sort of like we can follow Darth Vader around and see all the cool shit Darth Vader did and all the bad shit Darth Vader did. Or we could follow around his little helper droid that like helps him clean up his Darth Vader diapers. You know, he's got Darth Vader diapers. How is he pooping? Not interested in that, really. And that is sort of like where the show starts and stops for me. There are things that happened in the show that I recognize from my weird Pablo Escobar reading sprint last year. And speaking to like Sarah's anthology idea, I think like if we're going to do this is Pablo Escobar story, but we're not actually going to be following him. Like there's the whole side of the Colombian government that is at once trying to actually do something because the country is falling apart. Absolutely really, really bad at it. And of course, Escobar has got his tendrils and all that. That part of the story, and we get little vignettes of that through the news footage in this show, that is very interesting. The other book I read recently kind of speaks to somehow a way of dividing it up. I forget what it's called. I'll look it up, put it in the show notes. Sarah 9:08 Escobargan? Dave 9:09 Taking what Escobar did, and it's reframing it as the life cycle of cocaine. So it starts off, about what the farmers are doing in the jungle to plant this stuff. And it goes to manufacturing. Like we saw a little bit about Narcos at the start, right? You know, the huts in the middle of the jungle and all that. But then it follows through to trafficking and enforcement. And then like at the end of this book, they're on an American battleship trying to head off stuff. That was interesting. So there's like different ways of telling it that opened up new possibilities. And I would say generate more information, more stories about the actual drug trade, which is why we're putting asses in the seat. And I just don't think this is asses in the seat scenario. Tara 9:53 Yeah, I agree. Although I'll say I wasn't expecting to be so charmed by seven-year-old Juan Pablo, but there's something kind of cute. By the way, he like marches around the hacienda like a little lord, like comes into the game room and is like ordering these armed guys who just did a bump off their pinky nail to like, come play this video game with me. Anyway, Sarah alluded to casting problems, and I think I know what it is because Pablo Escobar was 44 when he died. John Leguizamo is 65. It seems like we may agree he's not quite pulling it off. Is that what you were referring to, Sarah? Sarah 10:32 Yeah, it is. And I think the world of Leguizamo and he like to see him show up in the true crime slash history space is a joy. I think he's actually quite underrated as an actor. Go rewatch Summer of Sam, everyone. There's a lot there that we didn't appreciate the first time around. But he lacks a certain ruthless weight or weighty ruthlessness that I think you have to have in this role. Yeah, okay. You got the mustache. You got the deep side part hair. You've got the polo shirts. Yeah. Noisy polo shirts, but that's not quite enough, I don't think, to really sell this role. And I don't think anyone can at this point. I think you have to do it like that Scandi docudrama, The Investigation. Whatever one where Kim Wall's killer was just basically cut out of the series and there was this hole at the center and you looked all around the edges. I think that's what you have to do with that story at this point. And even John Lenguizamo is not going to be able to sort of, I think that was like the jolt that they thought was going to get butts in the seats. But I think Dave is right. Either go process-y with it in the way that Dave described, or don't just show everything around Pablo Escobar and not actually him. Tara 11:54 Yeah. Dave 11:55 He needed to bring some of that spawn violator energy to the table. creepy clown guy. Tara 12:00 Yeah that. Dave 12:01 Book was called kilo inside the deadliest cocaine cartels. Tara 12:04 Yeah i mean i think john leguizamo's like less butt in seats fodder than he is the big name that probably got the project greenlit because no one else has anyone i've ever seen before at least didn't. Dave 12:16 Realize he was from columbia no i'm. Tara 12:19 The actor. Dave 12:20 Not not escobar yeah he's born in columbia. Tara 12:22 Oh i didn't know that either oh. Sarah 12:23 I didn't know that either. Tara 12:24 One last question before we move on Was there a piece of set deck that you were immediately drawn to? And was it Juan Pablo's world map blanket? Because that's the one I wanted for sure. Sarah 12:36 My first note is gonna need that map today. Not sorry. So good. Dave 12:42 I enjoyed the generic video game he had in the game room with the placard on the front. Game. Dave 12:57 You know what's better than doing a line off a hooker's ass? The theme to Ask E.H.G., which is this. And by line, I mean doing Shakespeare. Tara 13:21 Of course. Dave 13:22 Oh, this theme's still going. I didn't end it. Let's hear it a little more. Guys, I've lost my cursor. Here we go, guys. Tara 13:31 Get the extended version. Dave 13:33 It's going great, guys. Three hours sleep has made this podcast bledder. Tara 13:38 Mm-hmm. Sarah 13:38 All right. Dot, dot, dot. Allegedly. Dave 13:41 Before we get into your questions for us, we have to get into your answers from last week's ask ass easg which means we have to spin the wheel of judgment but but sarah short spin. Sarah 13:53 Yeah good job wheel keeping it keeping it tight uh yeah we have a bunch so for the first one we have from elspeth fill in the blank dtf equals david the blank yeah dave actually has an answer for this one fjord oh interesting interesting not a winner though oh elspeth herself actually He contributed first of his name, Father of Dugues, which tickled me. Big Time Tomato said, feckful, which was just fun to say and write. But our winner for this one is Erica, who was the very first to answer and just said, David the Fnome. And I could not stop laughing at that. It is very dumb and exactly what we're doing here. No, that's good. Well done, Erica. Our next question is from Vandy. What series do you want to see do a Renaissance Festival episode? Dave, I believe you also have an answer for this one. Dave 14:50 You believe correctly. I chose the TV show Rome. Stay with me. Because a Renaissance Festival in the context of Rome would be like going to a science fiction convention now. Or like for them, like a World Expo. Like, ooh, ah, what's this? Ooh, mead, you say? Yep. That's it. Sorry. We wanted more and more examples. Ooh, wenches. We got to get some of those. Sarah 15:19 Mm-hmm. Wenches and winches for trebuchets. Dave 15:24 Siege warfare and somebody to keep you company while you do it. Sarah 15:28 Uh-huh. David Silver suggested American Vandal, but someone has hung a bunch of tapestries with dicks on them. Sure. Dave 15:36 That's good. Sarah 15:36 Serial people had a really interesting rationale for the lowdown and lee's uh sort of truth story and take on it which would be both skeptical and like obsessed with it seth said the bear carmy realizes what a miserable dingus he's been and decides to just be happy and chill and cook giant turkey legs for the rest of his days series over but we have two winners for this one is david Jay Snyder, who said top chef and surprised they haven't already. And actually, so am I get on that top chef. And Sister Knight, who suggested slow horses, an undercover op at a Ren Faire in which Shirley gets the knight costume River was gunning for, consigning him to be a furious court jester who naturally has to sprint in that outfit. Hashtag running. Louisa nopes out of being the front half of a horse with Ko, leaving him just a horse's ass. Lamb's doing unspeakable things to turkey legs that we can never unsee. And I'm extremely open to ideas about what would befall Roddy and Diana in this scenario. Same. So David J. and Sister Knight, thank you for your contributions. Tara 16:43 Nice. Sarah 16:44 And finally, from Mademoiselle Caroline, you can travel through time to be there in person for an important TV moment. What do you choose? Dave, what do you choose? Dave 16:55 Well, we recently talked about the whale explosion news item in the tiny canon. So that's what I want to go to. I want to bring four dozen hand-drawn in that very 70s way event shirts, you know, with a hand-drawn silkscreen on them to give to everybody that is there to witness this. So there will be four dozen extremely, extremely weird collectible shirts out there. So if you've got one, you don't wear it and you carried it through to the present day, you could probably sell it for two or $300, I'm betting, because those shirts will be on the newscast. You'd be like, holy shit, somebody made a shirt for the whale explosion thing. I wish I could get one of those. You can. They're on eBay. They're about $500. Sarah 17:33 Yeah. Love that. Tara 17:35 Nice. Sarah 17:36 Well, we had a tandem winner, not exactly a tie, but a tandem. First, honorable mention to Lee in Chicago, who says, rather than huddling around tiny 1969 TVs for the moon landing, I would time travel to the day it happened. Once there, I get a big wind machine, a golf umbrella, and a, quote, space, quote, suit made of bubble wrap and duct tape and join Neil Armstrong on the moon for all mankind style. And that would go on to inspire the ingenuity NASA engineers used to fix Apollo 13's never-ending crises. And then in parentheses, is that how the show works? I've never watched it, which for some reason really made me laugh well-playedly. But our actual winners are as follows. Johnny Assay said, I interpreted the question as you can actually be on set when the incident happened. And so my answer is finding out exactly what happened to Ian's baked Alaska in season five of Great British Bake Off. And Rincey tagged in with, if this is the case, then I want to be on set when Archie and Juliana had their fight. If you know, you know. But that, of course, is a The Good Wife reference. Punjabi and Margulies. What actually happened? Rincey wants to know, and so do I. So our winners for that are Johnny Assay and then Rincey's tag in. Thank you guys all so much. Stickers, ahoy, fun ahoy. Please DM Dave on Discord to collect. Dave 18:59 Yes. All right. Thank you, everybody. Let's get to your questions for us. First one comes from Jovial Jen. Jovial Jen asks, which TV character would you like to organize your wellness retreat? Tara, wellness retreat, TV character doing it. You? Who? Tara 19:15 Well it's gonna be joy from the pit uh oh my god yes true master of work-life balance who was broadly hinted at by langdon in a recent episode too you know a lot of people think it's good the idea to stick around to the end of your shift or after the end and she was like well that's great for some people bye-bye and left like at 659 and we salute her sarah. Sarah 19:39 Yes hero joy was on my short list, but because I think the lady that I selected will share my limited tolerance for getting mud and or seaweed in my crevices, quiet hours during which we cannot talk shit, and floppy beige attire, I gotta go with Megan Rotundi from Felicity. Dave. Dave 19:58 Well, this is some bullshit. Emergency alert, Amber, and we heard about 10 minutes ago, test, test. Travis County, I pause, emergency alert. This is a test. End test. Thanks a lot, Jackass is your room in the podcast. Next time somebody's missing, I'm going to be like, I don't care. Wellness retreat. I have no interest in going to a real wellness retreat. So my choice is just to make it more interesting. And that's Jack Bristow from Alias. What's going on there? I don't know. Nobody's getting better. Somebody's probably going to die during this wellness retreat. Who's it going to be? I think you're going to have fun finding it. Dr. Calhoun, this is just for Sarah. What is a criminal case that hasn't had a documentary made about it that should have one made about it? Sarah 20:45 Hmm. I had a couple options here. My top choice is not really practicable, and that's the unsolved murder of Baltus Roll. Roll was killed for a treasure that thieves believed was hidden on his property. That property became the Baltus Roll golf course in Springfield, New Jersey, and his grave is right near the clubhouse to this day. I don't think enough people know about this case and how kind of weird it is that sometimes during footage of like the US Open, there's that little brownstone headstone and they never solved this murder. So a Bart Layton style hybrid docudrama would be a fun ride for probably only me and maybe a golfer who cares about this shit. But there's probably more material in the Mary Rogers case. I don't believe a documentary has been made about it. The death of the so-called beautiful cigar girl in the middle of the 19th century is often pointed to as an early true crime sensation in tabloid journalism of the day. It's the inspiration for Edgar Allan Poe's The Mystery of Marie Roget, which is considered, if not the first detective story, then a pioneer in that genre. Sarah 21:53 Poe was obsessed with the case. That iteration of it, Poe's, I mean, has been filmed at least three times. But a documentary on the case could address not only the file-in-chief, but also what most people think actually happened, about the difference between what we think of as murder policing today and its even greater limitations in the 1840s, the sorts of cases that blew up then versus now in the coverage. Bill James actually covers a lot of this in his chapter on the case in Popular Crime. It is possible that that's where analysis of Mary Rogers' death should stay. A case this old could be a challenge to translate to a visual medium, but I think there are ways to do it thanks to an abundance of Poe material in the culture. So Mary Rogers is my answer. Dave 22:38 I'm a little hesitant to even mention it because, you know, Netflix is listening and I'm giving away free ideas that people make into TV shows, as evidenced this week by the Kennedys. Tara 22:47 That's right. Dave 22:48 But I'm just going to say, if we did a true crime retelling of the Old Testament, it got some gold there. Cain and Abel, all these murders and bad things that happened in the Old Testament, reframe it as a true crime special. We got something. Tara 23:03 Yep. Sarah 23:04 Ooh. Okay. Tara 23:05 Take that, the faithful. Sarah 23:07 Flame Splash. Dave 23:08 You get to retroactively appear in one episode of a TV show. How do you leave your mark? I changed the rocks at the end of the MASH finale to read Send Nudes. Tara 23:22 Tara? I would be Al Gore's sidekick in the Green Week episodes of 30 Rock. He would call me Fern Galley, like his superhero. And I would be like, no, my name is Beth. But anyway, that's mine. Sarah. Sarah 23:36 Bustling through a trauma room on ER, saline bags in hand, to order various credits, cast, doctors, and nurses to put their fucking hair up in a fucking ponytail. Dave 23:47 Yeah, you're right. I did misread that. So I'm going to change. So the question, yes, is one episode per season of a show. How do you leave your mark? So I'm going to stay with MASH, and I'm the guy who foreshadows the chicken baby thing. Every season, nobody knows what I'm talking about. Until the end, it's going to be like fucking prayer for Owen Meany, but with a chicken. Sarah 24:05 Quietly balk balking in the background Balk balk. Dave 24:09 Next question comes from me. Which kid in the hall will die first? Sarah. Sarah 24:13 Jesus. I know the least about the kids of the regular panel. So I say this with little confidence, but I'm going with Kevin McDonald. It just seems like the kind of semi famoso that doesn't have as strong a support system like someone on a shit for regular checkups or like you seem like you're drunk on a Tuesday at 1030. Do you want to talk about that? Not that he does that. I'm just saying he feels like he would slip through that crack more easily than the others. He feels like he's kind of perhaps a lot in a way. I don't know. Allegedly, Tara. Tara 24:49 I mean, he he is the skinniest. So he you know, you can make the argument he's frail. Sarah 24:54 Literally slip through. Tara 24:56 My answer is dark. But Scott Thompson, he is the oldest and he is a cancer survivor. Dave. Dave 25:03 Well, for me, it was between the aging terribly Kevin MacDonald, as we saw in the Kids in the Hall reboot a couple of years ago, and the full of historical bile Dave Foley. And I think I'm going to give this one to Foley first for literally destroying his molecules with rage and angst for 20, 25 years. Then quickly followed by Kevin McDonald, because, yes, he looks frail. And I think if he just developed one illness, he would quickly develop all the illnesses. Like, you've got three different types of West Nile virus. There's only one, but there's two new ones in you. And then he dies. Tara 25:41 Yeah. Dave 25:42 All right. Great. We settled that. Damon, what type of cookies does America's Cookie Jar favor? America's Cookie Jar. Sarah 25:50 Yeah. I'm never going to be mad at a classic chocolate chip, especially the ones my neighbor Kathy makes. She salts the cookie sheet. It is a magical outcome. Tara 26:01 Yep. Sarah 26:01 I also enjoy a Thin Mint, a Snickerdoodle. I mean, hilarious, never singular. I enjoy Thin Mints by the sleeve and Snickerdoodles by the stack. But shout out to those revolting, really cakey cookies with the frosting. They're like 90% food coloring and chemicals. I don't care. This is how it ends. Tara 26:21 Yeah. Dave 26:21 I think those cookies exist sort of like sandbags in a war with the machine gun placement. They're always at the front of the grocery store and they seem to be like creating a line of defense around something. So I have my suspicions about the true nature of those cookies. Sarah 26:35 I have no defense against them. Tara 26:37 I like them, too. And when I've been moved to buy them, I'm like, this is going to be great. And then I have like four over the course of three days. I'm like, this is too much. They need to be sold in smaller quantities. Sarah 26:48 Yes, I agree. I can never get through a whole 10-pack clamshell. It's like I get through like six, but you cannot have more than two at once. You'll just get the diabetes. So I love them, though. Dave 27:01 Raddice Cake. Would you rather have dinner with Margaret Atwood, Terry Pratchett, or Truman Capote? So two are dead. So that would be interesting. And I'm not saying I wouldn't want dinner with two desiccated corpses in the room just for the story. But my real question is the Margaret Atwood dinner. Can we base the menu off orcs and crake animals? Like that would be gross. Would it be novel? Like you have chicken knobs, which are just like chickens that are like masses of meats and organs that don't walk or anything like that. Just to have more chicken. Tara 27:34 Yeah. Dave 27:34 You know, it's like that old joke. What do you get when you cross an octopus with a chicken? Drumsticks for everybody. It's like that, but they did it. Snats, which are rat-snake combos. Raccoons, which are raccoon and skunk animals that people keep as pets. So if we can do the Oryx and Crake animal menu, sort of like that movie The Freshman, but different, I might want to do that one. Again, just for the story. Tara 28:04 Sir. Sarah 28:05 Capote, Pratchett, probably easier to get along with slash less of a handful. Atwood is out. She was such a rag to me on a documentary job that literally the entire crew afterwards was like, are you okay? Should we call the police? I think she just had a bad day, but I don't need to find out otherwise. And besides, I have so many questions for the godfather of the true crime genre. I'm not sure I could even settle for a single dinner. So, Capote, Tara. Tara 28:36 Atwood seems very severe. So, no thanks. I would have to be on my best behavior with her. And that doesn't seem fun. Ditto Truman Capote, who I don't need to be giving him material for when he's got me under the bitch microscope. So by process of elimination, the ghost of Terry Pratchett. Dave 28:55 Don't need a microscope. Tara 28:59 I meant he's the bitch. Dave 29:02 All right. Next question. Oh, breaking news. Breaking news, guys. We now have a new shirt in our store based on something somebody said earlier today as we record this. And I just wanted to get their permission before I made the shirt public. Oh, shirt is done. The shirt is the shirt that has this text on it. The discord is fully on their bullshit again. And we have no idea what they're talking about. You can get that as a shirt now. Tara 29:27 Excellent. Dave 29:28 Yeah. Let's see here. Tartley has our next question. superior french fry form factor. Tara 29:34 It's whatever you call the kind that they have at five guys where it feels like there's some skin on they're definitely fried in real old oil and they're chunky but not too chunky they're like bigger than a julienne bigger than a mcdonald's fry i think of these ones as like fish and chips fries so that's my choice sarah i. Sarah 29:57 Was surprised by my own answer to this, but I will stand behind it. Curly fries. Hardest to fuck up, slowest to cool off. Dave 30:04 Podcast over. Wow. They're not the worst. The worst are wedgies. Tara 30:11 Oh, yeah. Sarah 30:12 Steak fries. Dave 30:13 It's like it's almost a fry. No, steak. I like steak fries a lot. Tara 30:16 If they're done right. Dave 30:17 If they're done right. Yeah. Wedgies, you never get it cooked properly. It's either like weirdly too potatoey in the middle and cold and hard or like the whole thing is fried and the outside is like crispy ghost. Tara 30:29 Because there's not enough uniformity of size. Dave 30:32 Yeah. Tara 30:32 For a wedge fry. Dave 30:32 Because it tapers at either end a lot. At home, crinkle cut, Because it bakes the best. You got all those opportunities for a little more char on the top. They do really well in the air fryer. Tara 30:45 They really do. Dave 30:46 At a place where the oil has never been changed, in the UK, just chips, which are sort of like slightly fatter, shorter steak fry, kind of. Or like the baby of a steak fry and a regular fry. If we're at a place in the US that's never had the oil change, that is a place I'm going for the steak fry. Right, because you know they just fry the shit out of everything. Tara 31:09 Yeah. Dave 31:09 And you're going to get it. Go to hell fries include waffle fries, go to hell, wedges, and the insta-cold, insta-cold shoestring mashed stick fries. Tara 31:20 Yeah, it's the one knock on P. Terry's. Their fries are bad. Dave 31:24 It's okay if you have an air fryer and as soon as they come into your house, you put them in there and you can have them hot, but you have to eat them still within 90 seconds or you're dealing with frigid fries. And we're putting malt vinegar in all of these or what the hell are we even doing here? Jovial Gentsback, just like doing a seance and leaving the door open to the other side, what theoretical chaos and horror happens if you forget the close out food talk? This is like theoretical, we hope. But Sarah, what is your thought here? Sarah 31:54 Through the unsealed portal to hell rumbles a 1967 GTO whose trunk is filled with macaroni salad that has spent several days baking in a parking lot in Santa Claus, Georgia. Seven spoonfuls of this cursed substance and only seven spoonfuls will close the door to food Hades. Repent or die. Dave. Dave 32:21 I think it's like The Ring, the movie The Ring, but instead of the creepy girl crawling out of the TV, it's a boiled squash crawling out of the TV. Sarah 32:32 Boiled squash. Tara 32:33 Okay. It generates more food questions for next week. Dave 32:39 Oh, also the boiled squash does in each instance of the cedar reticle happening kill Joan of Arcadia in the closet. Okay. Dixon Chance has a question for us. It is this. Make a Ben and Jerry's flavor based on a TV show you despise. The veal grouse chives of stew pork, gritty. Tara. Tara 33:01 Your friends and nay berries, Sarah. Sarah 33:05 According to Jimmy's. Dave 33:08 Diatho. Wait, wait. I almost did it. Enough. I'm so sick and tired of hearing you people talk about food, food, food. That was close. You're stuck on the daytime cross-country flight with one kids TV character. Who do you choose? So just to be clear, not a kid, but a character from a kid's show, which I suppose could be a kid. But I think that's the way I was supposed to read that term. Tara 33:33 It's going to be Mr. Wilson from Dennis the Menace, because I feel we have a lot of common ground on the matter of children and how they should behave. Dave 33:41 Do you remember when we were watching DTF St. Louis and you hadn't gotten to episode three yet? And I said, well, wait till you get to episode three. I think you might see yourself. Do you want to do a quick report on that? Tara 33:53 Yeah, I knew exactly when I got there. I was like, oh, was the thing that you were referring to when she's a real jerk to the clerk at Jamba Juice? And Dave was like, yep, I'm not a jerk to people at Jamba Juice. Dave 34:06 I'm just saying, I think it has similar energy to Mr. Wilson's take on the universe. Tara 34:11 Yes, sure. Dave 34:12 I'm going to go with Oscar the Grouch, publicly slagging on people all the time. And I get a front row seat as entertainment. Like, I'm turning off the entertainment console. This is it for this flight. This is Oscar the Grouch just banging on everybody. Yes, please. Sarah. Sarah 34:28 Gary the Snail from SpongeBob. Quiet, cat-like, fits in a carrier on the seat next to me, and it's not going to be a f***ing bitch about leaving the window shade up. Dave 34:36 Do you think snails do well with changes in pressure? Tara 34:39 Oh, that's a good point. Sarah 34:41 Not my problem. Tara 34:43 Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Dave 34:53 Look phnome. Dave 34:56 Diana has our ask ask esg questions people so ears up this one comes from the how i met your mother department what show's ending was so egregious that it completely negated everything that came before made you so mad that you're like on the rest of that got an answer for that go to our Discord. There is a channel called Ask Ask E-H-G. You can put your answer there. Dave 35:20 Oh, boy, it is time for the Tiny Cannon presenting this week. It's Dave. Take it away, Dave. Thanks, Dave. Talk to myself. Ron Howard, as the narrator of Arrested Development, was a real comedy masterstroke that almost didn't happen. It took the usually lazy, unnecessary element of a narrator in a TV show and made it work and made it an important part it at the TV show. No bit from the narrator hits for me like the combination of the unit of measurement, which is this tiny cannon, used to measure jelly beans and the inexplicable choice to replace the words jelly beans in said narration. So the narrator here is picking up on a reference from season two when Stan Sitwell, played by Ed Begley Jr., and his eyebrow wigs, if you remember, sits down with michael and job to talk business the only thing i asked is out of the 450 homes we build one be given to a disadvantaged family. Dave 36:27 Eyebrows just fell in the bowl of candy beans. I always carry a spare. Well, I hope you also carry a spare bowl of candy beans. So here we establish that for some reason, the Blue family calls jelly beans, candy beans. Never explained, just it's there. So that is the origin of candy beans in the show. Now in season three, it becomes a running bit with the narrator surrounding, speaking of inexplicable, Michael's misunderstanding filled, horny wooing of the intellectually disabled Rita. And later in the same season, after that has wrapped up, there's something with Job and the dealings with the magicians at the Gothic castle, a.k.a. the Magic Castle takeoff. So here are a couple of those. Here's Michael consoling himself after an embarrassing move on Rita. I was just wondering if you might want to bid me fair morrow. Tara 37:27 Way. But instead, he just sat in his car and ate a whole thing of candy beans. Dave 37:34 That is the canonical one, I believe. Sat in his car, ate a whole thing. Here's our unit of measurement of candy beans. Lots going on there. Loved every part of it. They do a couple more. This is from just slightly earlier in the season, just going back in time. And he has just inadvertently proposed to Rita in a hotel room. And Michael felt he deserved a. Tara 38:00 $15 thing of candy beans. Dave 38:07 Break to commercial. It's just Jason Bateman just worryingly eating his candy beans and $15 worth of candy beans. Okay, it would have been nice if two-fifths of the references to this weren't tied into the Rita-Michael storyline. But it's not about that per se. So I am still in love with the idea that we measure candy beans in things and that people consume them as a thing of candy beans. Still tickles me to this day. And that's what I'm putting out there for the tiny unit of measurement canon. Tara 38:46 Thank you, Dave. I'll go first. I agree that a whole thing of product is not something that we hear a lot on TV, which is crazy because surely we say it all the time in our day to day lives. Like sometimes the vessel is not a bag or a jar or a box or whatever. It's a thing. Can you get me a thing of, you know, salad dressing topping or whatever? Salad topper, the little crispies that go on top of your salad or whatever. My only quibble with this is that the first thing that they show is just a small bag. It is, if anything, a sachet. It's so small what he's eating in the car, I would not describe it as a thing of candy beans because it's just we. But the second one that he gets out of the fridge or whatever, the shelf in the mini bar in his hotel room, that's more of a thing. It looks like a large bottle of vitamins. It's full of candy beans. So that one I would say is closer to a thing. But overall, I have no quibble with the idea of that being part of the arrest development lexicon because... Dave 40:02 This is a test of the Austin Wireless Emergency Alert System. This scheduled test tests our ability to send emergency messages directly to mobile devices in a targeted area. Enjoy the second test of 14 tests we will do today. Fucking hell. Tara 40:19 Anyway. Sarah 40:21 If this were an actual emergency, you would be given a thing of candy beans and told how to proceed. Tara 40:27 Yeah. I like the colloquialism making its way to TV. I feel like that's the kind of edge that would get sanded off in any other writer's room. But I appreciate that they went for realism with this, if not in so many other things on the show. Sarah. Sarah 40:42 Yeah, I agree. Both the thing aspect of it and the candy beans aspect of it is the sort of, it's not a meta commentary, but it is a good example of something that I think Arrested Development did well from Jump, which was in this surreal reflection of this family's lives and loves. It got at something very real about how people actually talk and how families talk to each other and that certain little weirdnesses weren't actually surreal. They were very real and verite. And this is one of those things that this would be the kind of thing that like some one of the kids called them candy beans like 30 years ago. And now that's what the family calls them. None of this is explained and you just have the voice of a family sitcom star of the past narrating this for you. And then the thing part is also of a piece with that of Arrested Development's ability to use a nonstandard way of describing something that then becomes the perfect slash only way to describe that unit. So this is both very good sort of taken out of Arrested Development context, but also it's very Arrested Development. And I think that's a very good Tiny Cannon case. Tara 42:10 Yeah. Sarah 42:10 And now also I really desperately want a double handful of black and white jelly beans because that's my favorite combo. Dave 42:19 What flavor is white? Sarah 42:21 Like vanilla. Dave 42:22 Oh, okay. Tara 42:22 The main thing is like the narration sometimes sounds like it's very written. And other times it sounds like what it would be if you were telling a story in a colloquial way. And like, I went in my car and ate a whole thing of candy beans is what you would say as a normal person. Which is why I like it. Sarah 42:42 And also shout out to Ron Howard, who even when it's like so dry, I could smoke in the shower. this narration about these people, it's ever too much, at least in these canonical seasons. Tara 42:55 The most important work he ever did in his career. Sarah 42:59 Agree. Dave 42:59 Speaking of the things in your family that just sort of live on forever as that thing, I think I, at some point, must have called a helicopter a hepacoppler when I was a kid, because hepacoppler was in play well into my 30s until people finally started dying. All right, let's put this the official vote, Tara Arianna, with the U. Yay. Serity Monday. Sarah 43:20 Me too. Dave 43:21 All right. So a whole thing of candy beans from Arrested Development. You are hereby inducted into the extra hot, great, tiny unit of measurement cannon. Challenge. If you can figure out another one that goes into that, please submit it. I would love to see it. Tara 43:39 Interesting americans love a winner yeah and. Dave 43:43 Will not tolerate a loser nope all right it is time for not quite winners and losers of the week i will go first with our not quite winner number one it is the show the pit they are going to screen the season finale at alamo draft house and if you're a health care worker you can get in free by spending ten dollars didn't quite understand the messaging there. But the point is, I think if the universe is sort of, you know, the veil between our universe and the pit universe could fall for a moment at these screenings. And Dana was there when people started like pulling out their phones to fucking order during the film because their ordering systems changed recently with disregard to the movie viewing public that she would have some things to say. Tara 44:29 Yeah. Dave 44:29 You'd be the rape kits all over again. Tara 44:33 Every time, I forget if I told you this, Dave, when you use that new ordering system, at the end of it, there's a survey where you can tell them. And every single time, I am Johnny Letter with that survey. Like, please bring back the old system. Dave 44:45 Yeah, and your bits and bytes go right into their recycling bin when you do that. Tara 44:50 It's for me, it's not for them. Okay, I see where you're getting at with the Lindy Carter character. Dave 44:57 And I got two not-quite-losers of the week. Actually, three. We got Watson, We got DMV and Tala Mask of the Secret Order all canceled at their respective networks. I've read Tala Mask of the Secret Order being canceled saying, oh, I think we forgot to watch that. I didn't even know it was on. Then I remember, oh, shit, we actually watched it for the show and talked about it for 20 minutes. Tara 45:20 We sure did. Dave 45:21 I don't remember anything about it except Justin Kirk is in it. Tara 45:24 And Jason Schwartzman. Justin Kirk, his character is the same one from Interview with the Vampire. Dave 45:30 Right, right, right, right, right. Tara 45:31 Yeah. Dave 45:31 Anyways, not surprised after I realized all that. That poor universe. They had such high hopes after Interview with the Vampire and everything after that. Sarah 45:40 Yeah, you did more dead drops, just saying. Tara 45:42 It did. I mean, I think Mayfair Witches is still going strong. It's still going anyway. But the one everyone is feral for is Interview with the Vampire coming back in June. Yeah. Sarah 45:53 Correctly. It's a good show. Tara 45:54 It is very good. Sarah 45:56 Well, Dennis Quaid is my not quite winner. I said this reluctantly. This does sound like a good fit for him. He will be starring in Thunder Road, which is a scripted series set in the world of NASCAR. And it is set at AMC. One does wonder if his people were shown any scripts because I feel like maybe this character isn't going to be as well liked as perhaps it could be. But I have no idea about anything about this show. I probably will interact with it, but this does seem like a good fit for his current brand, annoying as it is. My not quite loser. God help me. I'm going to hell, but my loser this week, not quite, is Whoopi Goldberg, who defended recent DUI arrestee, Tiger Woods, on The View because she, quote, doesn't like kicking a man when he's down. I mean, that's not kicking him. Like, he's already down. The kicking is not going to make a difference. This is beyond your capabilities. Tara 46:56 Right. I mean, she says, you know, he's a friend and I get it. That's an awkward situation to be in. But there are other ways to talk about it than like, I hope he gets the help he needs, especially this. This was after he said he was going into rehab versus like, I don't want to say it was bad or whatever. It's like, no, it's it's bad to get a DUI. Sarah 47:16 He's bad on a number of levels, and he would say the same thing. Like, this is clearly a troubled person, troubled by substance misuse. I hope he gets the help he needs. He's a friend. That's all I'm going to say about it is all you have to say about it. Dave 47:30 Yeah. So in the story, it says here, when he got pulled over by the police officer, the police officer, the name doesn't matter, asked him how many drinks Tiger Woods had. Tiger Woods replied, four. Tara 47:42 Come on. Dave 47:45 Do you like the delivery note? Do you think I was reading from the story? Tara 47:48 Yes! Okay, thanks. He tricked me. Sarah 47:50 God damn it. Go to bed, Dave. Tara 47:52 Dave's taking acting classes. Acting! My not quite winner of the week is James L. Brooks, who is going to receive the inaugural Peabody Industry Icon Award. And certainly it is deserved. I mean, he, you know, he brought us The Simpsons. He brought us The Mary Tyler Moore Show, brought us broadcast news for which we all owe him forever. But it is funny that it's coming in the wake of the truly terrible Ella McKay, which he wrote and directed. And it's so bad. Like, give a couple of years before you give this to him, maybe. So the stink of that is off him. But still, congratulations. He's a legend. Recent work to the contrary. Not Quite Loser of the Week. is the WGA West staffers at the Guild have been striking for the usual reasons, better conditions, so forth. They've been on strike for weeks and the organization has kicked them off their health insurance plans amid their six-week standoff, which, you know, like there's bad looks and there's bad looks. And this is a bad look. You are a union. Sarah 49:10 How short of like actual physical assault could there be a worse look? Tara 49:16 Unbelievable. Sarah 49:16 There can't. Dave 49:17 What union are the people in the union in? Tara 49:21 They're in like a separate, it's a support union. Like they're not in the WGA. Dave 49:25 No, obviously. Tara 49:26 Yeah. No, but I don't know what it is. Sarah 49:27 When I was at Barnard College. Dave 49:30 Go Barnes. Sarah 49:31 I was in a union, but it wasn't like the academic and professors union. It was the staff, which was some offshoot of United Auto Workers at that time. That may not still be true. Good fucking union though. Tara 49:43 Yeah. Sarah 49:43 I miss it. Dave 49:44 All right. Last week was a pre-tape, so we did not have the ability to bring you Kim Ree's most awesome thing she watched on TV last month, but we have it now. So here it is. Enjoy. Kim 49:58 Hi, this is Kim Reid, and welcome to the most awesome thing I saw on TV last month. Last month, I watched The Love Boat, season six, episode six. And as always with Love Boat, I'll go through each storyline separately, since the show silos each one. In our first storyline, we meet Dr. Yates, a therapist. Four of his patients have followed him onto the ship. Patients are played by Maury Amsterdam, Rose Marie, Jerry Van Dyke, and some other lady. It would have been funnier to have the therapist played by Dick Van Dyke, but it's just a that guy. Maybe it's because I'm too far removed from this episode's airing, but I wasn't clear on what each patient's main problem was. Rosemary is a germaphobe, and the young lady gets involved with men who use her for her body, as she puts it, which is kind of a different category than germaphobe. And then Maury Amsterdam is just extremely negative, which just seems like a bad personality. And then Jerry Van Dyke agrees with the last thing everyone says and then has to call his mother a lot. So I guess he's indecisive. I thought the problems would be more broad, but the idea of what therapy does has changed with time. Anyway, the doctor is obviously not psyched that his patients followed him on his vacation, and at dinner, Dr. Yates tries to eat at the captain's table like a fancy guy, but his patients keep waving at him until he's forced to go over to their table, and he encourages them to hang out individually instead of in a group all the time. Then Gopher comes over and asks the one youngish lady to dance, and she turns him down, which is kind of hilarious. Apparently, she has the hots for Jerry Van Dyke, but he's clueless and he decides to dance with Rosemarie instead. Kim 51:24 I had to look up people's ages because everyone looked 40 in the 1980s, and the youngish lady was 38 and Jerry Van Dyke was 51. Like, couldn't they cast someone closer in age to make this seem realistic? Anyway, later Jerry Van Dyke finds Dr. Yates sitting on deck with a towel over his head hiding and asks for advice on how to pursue a woman who interests him. So Dr. Yates gives him some advice and then he runs away, and then we see various instances of Dr. Yates hiding around the ship. Kim 51:48 Eventually, Jerry Van Dyke and the youngish lady patient end up making out, despite their many neuroses, and I really feel like they could have leaned into the absurdity of these patients acting out on the ship, but whatever. The next storyline has Susan Lucci, and she plays Paula, a Broadway director, and Tristan Robert Scorpio Rogers plays a Broadway actor who she has turned down for multiple shows. So by the pool, Robert Scorpio brings Susan Lucci a drink and a giant pineapple, and he says he's no longer an actor, so they can be friends now. And then, of course, they get involved, and their storyline is so boring, but I imagine it was exciting for ABC soap viewers to see this crossover. But then it turns out that Robert Scorpio was just sleeping with Susan Lucci so that he could dump her the next day for revenge. And he asked her if he was good at acting now. Wow, what a scumbag. So then Susan Lucci drops off a script for a new play she's directing. Like, why are we rewarding this behavior? So then Robert Scorpio is like, this part is amazing. And Susan Lucci says she'll have her people get in touch. And Robert Scorpio says he's not taking the part, but he won't explain why not. And if it's because he's in love with her after nagging her so hard like 10 hours ago, what are we even doing? So then, of course, Robert Scorpio says he couldn't take the part because he loves her and he was worried she just gave him the part because she loved him and not because he earned it, which doesn't explain why he was so mean to her, but whatever. Susan Lucci falls for it and she tells him he thinks too much and they make out. Kim 53:06 In our final storyline, Doc is hyped for Linda, played by Michelle Phillips of the Mamas and the Papas and other fame, to join him on the crews. And it's so ridiculous that we're supposed to be Doc of all people as a legendary stick man when Isaac is right there. Kim 53:20 As Linda heads to her room, she meets Danny, played by Willie Ames, who totally hits on her, and then we find out he's Doc's college sophomore nephew. Anyway, when Doc is trying to make a move on Linda by the pool, his nephew pops up, like literally pops up out of the water, and moves in on Linda as soon as Doc is called away. I know we didn't care about age gaps back then, but Doc is 49, Michelle Phillips is 38, and Willie Ames is 22. They couldn't have found anyone more appropriate. We also find out that Doc met Linda at a party, and I guess immediately invited her on a cruise? Does that mean she's getting this for free? So then Linda and Danny are playing shuffleboard, and Danny says that the girls he meets at college, quote, preach liberation, but when they meet a real man, they fall all over themselves. Was Willie Ames a gross conservative even back then? I thought he grew into that, influenced by Scott Baio during Charles in Charge. Also, I know you'd think it's not possible to make Michelle Phillips look bad, but her perm in this episode is so tight and so ugly. Anyway, it's weird because Danny is obviously hitting on Linda and she knows it, but she's like laughing about it. And I can't tell if we're supposed to think he's got a shot or what. So at dinner, Linda sits between Doc and his nephew, and it's still not clear if she's into the nephew or what, but it seems so awkward. And then later, Doc watches while Danny and Linda dance all pressed up against one another. Kim 54:32 Isaac encourages Doc to cut in, so he does. And somehow he ends up dancing with Rosemary and Linda's back with Danny. So I think Doc should take the hint. Kim 54:40 Later, Doc tells Danny that he invited Linda on the ship as his date, and Danny apologizes for cutting in, but then both men clearly think the other is going to stand down out of respect for the bro code, or I guess it's the unk code, and maybe they should let Linda decide, and if she Kelly Taylor chooses herself, I quit. Doc tries to work it out with Linda by pointing out how young Danny is, but Linda loves how young he is, which gross. I mean, he's legal, but he's playing a 20-year-old. So then Doc waltzes out wearing his usual nut-hugger shorts with a shirt unbuttoned in like five gold chains and sunglasses, which he has to remove to put on his regular glasses, which kind of ruins the effect. I guess he's trying to look younger. He looks like an extra from The Sopranos. He comes upon Danny doing sit-ups on deck while Linda holds his drink and says he can catch up on sit-ups until she says, well, he's done 253 sit-ups, which no one ever has. Shut up. So Captain Steubing finally tells Doc to stop being an idiot, and Doc tells Danny he's going to step back from the Linda competition, which I think is actually Linda's decision to make, but it feels like she's already chosen Danny. Although it would be nice to get one line revealing that. Danny says he's dropping out of college to move to L.A. with Linda. I mean, honestly, he could do worse because does anyone believe that Willie Ames was going to be tops in his class and make it into a good law school? That night, Danny tries to give Linda a ring like he's not proposing, but I guess it's a sign of his commitment or something. And she has to break it to him that this was just a shitboard fling for her. So later, Doc tries to talk Danny out of quitting school, but Danny says Linda already turned him down and they're like, shish, women. Am I right? Kim 56:05 So now all the storylines wrap up together as everyone disembarks the ship. And Dr. Yates says going on the cruise really helped his patients, but he still wants a vacation of his own. Robert Scorpio reveals that he and Susan Lucci are engaged, but did he take the part in her play? We'll never know. And Linda apologizes for blowing Doc off and not wanting to marry Danny. And then she leaves and Doc says that next time he and Danny will have to go after twins, so there's one for each, which is disgusting. And that's the most awesome thing I saw on TV last month. Tara 56:42 Welcome in, grandpas. You know, you missed a lot. Dave is on three hours sleep, and you know how that can be. And it was. Sarah 56:52 Yeah, you do. Tara 56:52 So you missed the usual compliment of food questions. You missed a tiny cannon in the unit of measurement department. You've missed a ton, over an hour by my count. So if you can, consider kicking up your pledge to the $5 level, or if you can organize your finances such that you can pay for a whole year at once, It's only $4 a month versus $5, so extrahotgreat.com slash club. We would love to have you for the full media episodes that we put out every single Friday without fail. Never a rerun. Never. Today's extra credit topic comes to us from NeverNotMike, who has titled it a procedural I would actually watch. NeverNotMike writes, You are putting together a ragtag team to be in your weekly procedural crime show, such as the A-Team, NCIS, any other CBS show, etc. You will need to cast the roles with your choice of actor or character from another show, and the roles we have to fill are the team leader, the team veteran, aka the leaders number two, the team badass, the team newbie, who is the audience surrogate, the tech support or coroner, The Big Bad and The Crime, the series of ongoing events that has set your team on the hunt for the Big Bad and what nickname did they give the unknown suspect because of that crime? Let's start with the team leader, and let's start with Dave. Dave, who is your team leader? Dave 58:20 My leader, somebody who's going to organize the team, propel them forward, is Luthan Rail from Andor. Tara 58:26 Nice. Dave 58:26 He always has a plan, even if that plan has to be, I'm going to stab myself in the stomach in order for the rest of the plan to work. He's willing to put in the time and effort to make that happen. And he also makes hard decisions. If Lonnie's got to go, Lonnie's got to go. So it's mission first, which is what you want in a leader. He may not be the nicest guy, but he's going to get your results. Tara 58:53 All right. Sarah, who's your team leader? Sarah 58:57 Lieutenant Anita Van Buren of the Law and Orderverse. I trust this needs no explanation. Tara 59:03 Definitely not. My team leader is the professor. I'm on the opposite side of the law. That's going to be Alvaro Morte from Money Heist. He's going to have every possible contingency mapped out, including fake contingencies that are just offshoots of his main plan. And he's going to give everybody a fun name based on a city that they may or might not be associated with. Next, the team veteran, the leader's number two, Dave. Dave 59:35 Right. So I think number two's role a lot of the time is to enact the plans of the leader. He is the person that makes the things happen that the leader needs to happen in order to get results. So the person I'm going to put in that slot, he's going to be talking to the Luthan. He's going to be like, oh, yeah, you need this. You need that. No problem. I'm going to make that happen for you already from the Larry Sanders show. Tara 59:59 Sarah. Sarah 59:59 I like Dave's thinking there. I think that sometimes the number two needs to bend or break some rules that the team leader cannot be seen to be sanctioning such such behavior. So this will all become clear later down the line. But my number two is going to be temporarily deputized private investigator Zoe Boehm of Down Cemetery Road. Tara 1:00:24 Mine is going to be Sam Axe, played by Bruce Campbell in Burn Notice, someone who has wet work experience, and the less you know about it, probably the better for everyone. The team badass. Dave, who's your team badass? Dave 1:00:38 Yeah, I went through a bunch here, and I really just wanted someone, because I had Luthan up top, and a lot of the times his solution is, he's got to go. So for achievement in the field of he's got to go-ness, I'm going to put Omar Little in as our team badass. Tara 1:00:56 You got a problem. Dave 1:00:57 You send Omar. Omar's coming. You're going. Tara 1:01:00 Sarah. Sarah 1:01:03 Sister Simone of Mrs. Davis. I'm frankly surprised no Betty Gilpin characters have showed up. And did I maybe try to do this entire thing with Betty Gilpin characters? Maybe. And then I hit team newbie and just couldn't continue. But yes, I do feel that Sister Simone will get some things taken care of, powered by the Lord. Tara 1:01:25 Have to agree. Sarah 1:01:26 For her heart is pure. Tara 1:01:26 My team badass is going to be Jessica Jones, Kristen Ritter from the MCU, various shows, obviously her own, but also the Defenders and whatever the new Daredevil thing is called. What is it called? Dave 1:01:40 Daredevil. Here I am. Tara 1:01:41 Okay. That sounds right. Sarah 1:01:43 Boop. Uh double dog daredevil. Dave 1:01:47 Daredevil take my pen knife my good man. Tara 1:01:51 The team newbie dave. Dave 1:01:53 Let's try to think of more daredevil shows okay so the team newbie mike here has parenthetically said audience surrogate so for me that's going to be jesse pinkman from breaking bad as sort of the guy who is thrust into things he is not useless he has street smarts but he doesn't quite know how to apply them to this setup yet, so he has to learn the ropes with us, the audience. Tara 1:02:19 He has street smarts, but he also has street dumbs. Dave 1:02:21 Street dumbs, yes, he does. Tara 1:02:23 Sarah. Sarah 1:02:24 I went the other way. I went book smarts over street smarts, and I feel that this actor is certainly capable of projecting a what? Sensibility, even though the character's very intelligent. That's Dr. Victoria Giavotti of the pit. Tara 1:02:39 Nice. Sarah 1:02:40 Forensic slash crime scene intern. Excuse me. Tara 1:02:43 Nice. I went with someone who I don't know what his function is other than to have things explained to him. And that is Finn Tutuola, played by A.S.T., on Law & Order Special Victims Unit. He has a lot of questions. Some of them the audience has. Some of them the audience is way ahead of them. And, Dave, I believe it is Daredevil, so I says to Mabel I says. Next, the tech support slash coroner, Dave. Dave 1:03:15 Uh what are we doing tech support corner yes i'm gonna go with the robot as seen on columbo remember that episode of the columbo where there was the robot so he's tech support but inside of the robot actually is macgyver so you've got tech support and sort of a person that could put together tech objects like a piece of wire and an old pirate cannon and suddenly you have the hepacoppler and you're you know you're going all places you need to go i think if the robot is big enough we could also stick a coroner in there to get both of the roles here so we can stick uh i don't know any coroner's name from law and order but put one of them in there oh wait put in a cane guy from csi oh yeah oh. Tara 1:03:59 Yeah yeah yeah. Sarah 1:04:00 Space shows margo madison phd nice i just like it when she's explaining stuff. Dave 1:04:05 You can pay her on tussy rolls. Tara 1:04:08 I went with Darcy Lewis, played by Kat Dennings from WandaVision and also from the larger MCU, because whichever side of the law she's on, I think she will be just fine doing what is required. Next, our big bad, Dave. Dave 1:04:24 Newman. Tara 1:04:26 Sarah. Sarah 1:04:28 Betty Jo Washberg of The Lowdown. Tara 1:04:31 I went old school Stringer Bell, played by Idris Elba from The Wire, does not want you taking notes on a criminal conspiracy. No. He's keeping it buttoned up. Finally, the crime. Dave, what crime? Dave 1:04:44 They're not getting their mail. Tara 1:04:46 Yeah, that's true. Dave 1:04:48 So they don't know who he is yet, so they call him Pat Gage. Tara 1:04:53 Okay. Dave 1:04:53 Because they're not getting their Pat Gages. Tara 1:04:58 Sarah. Sarah 1:05:00 A series of bank robberies in America's breadbasket is distinguished by one peculiarity. The thief, wearing rodeo queen attire and smelling of menthol cigarettes, always and only asks bank tellers to empty their coin drawers. Coins are tough enough to track, but the Quicksilver Bandit is thought to head to the nearest Native American casino to launder the lucre at the slots. And she's thought to be planning a much bigger heist at one of the operating U.S. Mints. But which one? Who has she got on the inside and how will she transport literal tons of specie? Is this all just a smokescreen for the real hit? An auction house job commissioned by the Sultan of Brunei? Was this all just an excuse for Sarah to say specie? Yes. Fight out the season on. DIMED OUT. Tara 1:05:46 Oh, wow. That's nice. I just went straightforward and brief. Stringer Bell is going to be known as the Space Kigat and I think we all know why. he's gonna steal an asteroid. Dave 1:06:04 Exciting update. I just put the shirt up. We already have one order. Tara 1:06:08 Excellent. Dave 1:06:09 So there's one person out there with the Discord shirt. It's going to be like the exploding whale shirt scenario from earlier. This person's going to save that shirt, going to put it in the closet for seven to 10 years, and they're going to come out of it with a couple of hundred dollars to spare. It's just a wise investment. Get yours now. And that is it for this episode of Extra Extra Hot. Great. We discuss whether or not dear killer, dear killer nannies was or was not super califaduristic expiala dosage. I'm so tired. Before answering your burning ass questions like who is your wellness free treat host and what fry is best to try. Dave got a thing of TV beans into the tiny union of Melmere. We celebrate the Albuquerque, the best and worst of the week, and wrap it all up with our Frankentines of television. Next up is the Testaments, a.k.a. the Purple Girls. Sarah 1:07:20 Remember, we're listening. Dave 1:07:24 Yes, God indeed. Praise him everywhere. I am David T. Cole on behalf of Tar-Ariano. Tara 1:07:33 Pew, pew, pew. Dave 1:07:34 That's everybody. Sarah 1:07:36 Buddha. Dave 1:07:37 Thanks for listening, and we'll see you next time right here on Extra, Extra, Hawk Ritz. Sarah 1:07:59 Cocaine. You going crazy like a cocaine train. Tara 1:08:07 The tech support slash... Dave 1:08:09 Daredevil, knock, knock. Tara 1:08:11 Who's there? Sarah 1:08:12 Daredevil. Tara 1:08:13 Dave's too tired. Dave 1:08:15 Oh, I did it the wrong way. You had to say knock, knock. Tara 1:08:17 Knock, knock. Dave 1:08:18 Wait, daredevil. Tara 1:08:19 Knock, knock. Dave 1:08:21 Who's there daredevil wait wait no i go knock knock okay wait uh right no okay wait okay, Daredevil? No, you knock. Tara 1:08:36 Knock, knock. Dave 1:08:37 Oh, hi, it's Tara. I can tell by the way you knock because I have super sense. Well, that was worth it, guys. Tara 1:08:43 Sure was. Don't follow me. Nope. Dumbass. Wrong one. Wrong page.