Adults Content Warning

Sarah: [0:03] This episode of Extra, Extra Hot Great is brought to you by Francoise's 15 Seconds of Fame. Francoise is raising money for the D.C. Abortion Fund. As more abortion bans are enacted in other states, people in need of abortion care are coming to D.C. And Maryland, and that is putting a major strain on the D.C. Abortion Fund's resources. If you are able, please consider making a donation. The link is in the show notes. Sarah: [0:30] How'd it go? Oh, you know, I always. Dave: [0:44] This is the Extra Extra Hot Great Podcast, episode 356 for the May 30th, 2025 weekend. I am Furious Subway Masturbator David T. Cole, and I'm here with cool aunt Sarah D. Bunting. Sarah: [1:05] I do have hot water. Dave: [1:07] And Kyle's supporter Tara Ariano. Tara: [1:10] We are Kyle. Dave: [1:18] Before we get into it we have an exciting asterisk update from austin hq somebody's getting wet, so you're not going to be hearing a lot from me today and i'll try to put as much as i remember into the show notes about all this but yesterday which is going to be wednesday may 28th as we record this, Austin, not even Austin, our neighborhood experienced the worst hail and torrential downpour I have ever seen in my life. It was fucking crazy. The video is crazy, but it still doesn't do it justice. Sarah: [1:54] It doesn't. It looks fake. Dave: [1:56] It looks fake. Yeah. I couldn't see across the street, practically. So much hail and rain came down in 10 minutes. You know, at the start, we're like, wow, this is crazy Texas weather. And then it's sort of like, oh, there's water everywhere. The street is now a river. Our backyard is now a lake. Tara: [2:15] There goes our garbage bin. Sarah: [2:16] Oh my God. Dave: [2:18] Because our neighborhood's on a slope and all the garbage bins started shifting houses. Like we had our neighbors, ours was at our neighbors down the street. Eventually it went about six houses down towards the creek, which then overflowed. And then there was just basically like a garbage patch, just like in the Pacific, just swirling around. It was terrible. And our backyard totally flooded, again, because of the way the neighborhood is situated. And our back room started flooding a little bit, which happens once in a while. And it just kept coming. And it just kept coming and kept coming. And one of the reasons was there was so much debris kicked up by the wind, you know, branches, leaves, all this sort of stuff that the gates on our side yards, you know, just like the little thin strips of our yard became completely clogged and became dams. There was so much water on one side of our house that it actually raised above the foundation and started leaking into our bedroom. Tara: [3:13] Yeah, it seeped like under the baseboard. Dave: [3:15] Put a water on the side of our house, at least, until I went outside in the deep water, which, by the way, because of all the hail, was fucking freezing. I was freezing legs, hot body, because we're still in Texas. And I had to go and basically de-dam our gates, you know, open them up, get all the leaves out of the goo. I spent like an hour running around because I was doing stations. De-dam this. Go back, do a shop vac out of the thing. Go to the other side, de-vac that. Had to go to the front of the house because there's all like french drains and stuff in our property and it was absolutely fucking miserable and then after the rain ended and like everything started going down because i finally had like the water running out of our yard we did collectively over 20 full shot facts versus water which is over 200 gallons of water out of our back room and that took until like the late nights so and then we had to mop it up and squeegee it and like get it to the point where i can run fans all night and the dehumidifier but. Tara: [4:16] Yes put put towels down walk around on our bare feet just like shuffling to sop it up. Dave: [4:22] Yep this. Tara: [4:23] Was the worst game of live action garden scapes i've ever seen. Dave: [4:26] I mean home. Sarah: [4:28] Ownership colon what a fucking scam. Dave: [4:30] Yeah so if you've ever had the experience either the first time at the gym in a while or perhaps you went to the beach for a full day of fun and only the next day do you get that delayed onset muscle soreness experience that is sort of what i experienced at the end of the night i was just so exhausted from continually running around for like four or five hours that i was just dead so uh i'm looking at my notes for the show because the rain started me at the start of my journey preparing for this episode and i could just see like the sentence stops halfway through a word and then like the rain started. So anyways, that whole thing is why you won't be hearing as much from me this episode as you usually do. I think we're okay. You know, overall, like that was miserable, but like, you know, there's no lasting damage because the room that flooded is sort of a converted porch kind of situation. So the foundation was... Concrete we just left it at a concrete floor when we converted it so it could have been way worse because there was trees that fell on houses oh yeah there were roofs that just completely as a whole disappeared from people's houses like there's pictures of just people with like frames for roofs now so the. Tara: [5:42] Canopy of a shell station that's like very close to our house we pass it probably three times a week. Dave: [5:47] Fell on a car fell. Tara: [5:49] On a car. Sarah: [5:49] But on the plus side now you have a new thing for the Discord. Freezing legs, hot body. Tara: [5:56] Oh, yeah. Dave: [5:57] Good point. You should write that down. Sarah: [5:58] Yep. Keep it forever. Gossamer silver lining of the sitch. Dave: [6:02] Apropos of nothing else, my sister sent me all my childhood photos, Sarah, so enjoyed this piece. I'll put that in the show notes too because, god damn, that's great. Tara: [6:11] It is so good. Sarah: [6:13] Dave today, Dave looks tomorrow. Dave: [6:16] That is my story. I release the show over to its regular agenda. Tara: [6:21] Yeah, you know who doesn't have to worry about this are the five people in the FX show adults who live in one of their parents' houses while their parents are away. Tara: [6:32] Let's get into it, adults. In Queens, Toronto, Samir, who's played by Malik Elisal, shares his parents' house with his closest friends. Billy, Lucy Fryer, Anton, Owen Teal, and Issa, Amita Rao. Paul Baker, Jack Inanan, is a recent addition via Issa, who in the pilot is lobbying Samir hard to let Paul Baker move in as well. When they're not sharing their group smell or showing off how well they've memorized all the photos in the TV screensaver rotation, they get into relatively low stakes situations like half-heartedly supporting a less close friend who's gone viral with an essay about an older co-worker who groped him, trying to track down the neighborhood stabber Anton befriended on the train, and figuring out whether Issa and Anton are responsible for their psychiatrist's death. The show was co-created by Ben Croningold and Rebecca Shaw, who glided from a sensational speech at Yale's 2018 graduation ceremony to being the youngest ever writers on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon. Other behind-the-scenes names include Stephanie Robinson of Atlanta and What We Do in the Shadows, Jonathan Krizzle of Portlandia, Jason Wolliner of Paul T. Goldman, and Nick Kroll of Being Nick Kroll. The first two episodes aired on FX May 28th, then the entire eight-episode season dropped on Hulu May 29th. We got access to six. We may talk about events from any of those. Let's do the Chen check-in. Sarah, should our listeners watch Adults? Sarah: [7:58] I have a couple of caveats, but yes, overall. Tara: [8:02] Dave? Dave: [8:02] With the qualification that I was in no fucking booth last night to watch this. I didn't laugh a lot anyway, so I'm going to give this one a best. Tara: [8:10] I'll say, having watched The Six, the third episode is probably my favorite. I wish they had somehow moved them around. I mean, there is a bit of a story arc that goes through that they probably couldn't take them out of sequence, but I would have rearranged the pieces of the story so that the third episode could be first, because it's really funny. That's the stabber one. So let's get into it. This was in my review last week, but for those who didn't read it, when this was originally announced, its working title was Snowflakes. And whoever decided it had to change should get a muffin basket every day until they die because, wow, would that title have turned me off this show. I remember reading about it. Sarah: [8:44] Oh, my God, really? Tara: [8:44] Thinking, oh, my God, this is awful. Dave: [8:46] I watched this show. I thought it was pretty performative at parts. And I thought the title they wanted was Adulting because it feels like that sort of Reddit-esque take on everything. And I think there was a show called Adulting, which is why I think this show is simply Adults, which is a better title. Tara: [9:05] Yes. Dave: [9:05] But knowing that originally was Snowflakes, I believe it was Snowflakes to adulting to adults. Tara: [9:10] Probably. Sarah: [9:11] I agree. I feel like Snowflakes as a title was in our loser list of potential winners and losers at some point that we were like, guys, no, can't do that. Tara: [9:23] No, that's a very different show if they call it that. I mean, and I'm glad that they didn't call it adulting either. We recently got an Ask EHG question about interactions with young people that made us feel old. Was this show that for either of you, Sarah? Sarah: [9:37] Not really. I sort of enjoyed it. I felt like I was being allowed into another generation's hangout comedy, but also it would not surprise me to learn that because I liked it and I guess got most of the jokes, that actual people of this generation would be like, no, this is Bogue. This is cringe. Tara: [9:58] Yeah. Sarah: [9:58] Yeah. Not that anyone else even knows what Bogue means, but I just say whatever because no one listens to me because I'm old. Dave: [10:06] Bogue. Sarah: [10:07] I didn't find that off-putting. I really was struck between the quality of the light, the sort of vague broadness of the title, and how much more I liked the people of the comp to girls. And it was like, If girls had just tried to be funny and not so, I don't know, like taken itself less seriously. I mean, Lena Dunham being a capital P problem aside, I think that show got at a lot of things, but then sometimes was really trying to be dramatical and capital S say something. And this is maybe not as concerned with doing that as it is with getting laughs. And I laughed a lot. Tara: [10:50] Mm-hmm. Dave: [10:51] It didn't make me feel old just because watching it, it felt like a PowerPoint presentation on what the young generation says and does. You like the most stereotypical traits, like, I don't know how to use a rotary phone. I don't know how to write a check. You know, all these sort of things where, like, why would you? I'm not saying, like, you should know how to do these things, but, like, there was some of that in the first two episodes. So it sort of felt like. Sarah: [11:12] In the first episode, for sure. Dave: [11:14] Yeah. Sarah: [11:14] Yeah. Dave: [11:14] Because he goes to the bank because he has to pay for a new boiler for his parents' house because they don't have hot water. And he's basically at the banquet what is check you know like he's oh it's almost that dumb which is like a good bit i guess but it was just like it felt like they were hitting the highlights they were using all the best hits they were treehouse of terroring dracula and then werewolf and then like by the third one they're like oh shit we got nothing left it felt sort of like that so i didn't really feel like i was getting a peek into a generation i feel like i was getting the highlights of things I already know through cultural osmosis. And what I'm looking forward to for this show, which I'm probably not going to keep watching, but let's just say I am, I'm looking forward to the more subtle, the more nuanced stuff of this generation to come. Sarah: [12:01] Well, that was my chief caveat, is that as much as I enjoyed the first episode, it did have that I'm over-caffeinated at the post office and haven't seen anyone else in person in a week and a half vibe. That's like, we are telling every fucking joke that we've been saving to the point where I was like, guys, slow down, like save something for episode five. Dave: [12:25] Where's that comp come from, Sarah? The over caffeinated post office visit. Where did that comp come from in your brain? Sarah: [12:34] I read it in a book. Definitely never happens to me. Tara: [12:41] Yeah. Sarah: [12:42] Yeah. Tara: [12:43] The pilot is pilot-y, for sure. And that's kind of the problem with a show like this, that the premise is so loose. I mean, if you had to summarize it, it's not like there's a high concept here. It's basically five people know each other and spend a lot of time together. Like, that's kind of it. Right. Which is, you know, that's a good starting place for a show because it means almost anything can happen to your characters. But it's also hard in a pilot context because it's like you have to establish so much about their relationships and their setting and what all of their jobs are and all that. Like it's, you know, I get that I understand why it was frenetic to sell it. Dave: [13:19] It reminded me a little bit of Broad City as well. I felt it had that sort of like as much elastic reality as Broad City allowed itself at the start of it. Like it got more as it went along. But it reminded me of early Broad City as well. Tara: [13:34] Yeah, they do have some sort of absurdist surreal elements. Like when he goes to the bank, the teller gives him a form that has printed on it, are you a fucking idiot? Sarah: [13:44] Yeah, and then there's like wheelchair races in episode two. And it's just like random other patients. And the way that they interact with medical staff is like, it's not correct, but you sort of you see where it's going. But it had that, I mean, not really cheers equality, but I would say it's comparable in that sometimes you can see where this is going to end up. But the way they do it is pleasurable enough that you don't mind kind of knowing what seeing how you're being set up. You don't mind. Tara: [14:13] Yeah i'll also say with regard to broad city the isa character is almost exactly alana like she's so alana it's kind of shameless actually exact same thought watching it i. Dave: [14:25] Was like why does this remind me so oh yeah right and then like then i you see some of the other traits through the show as a whole but yeah absolutely totally the same character yeah. Tara: [14:34] Yeah you know i feel like it's been a while since i've watched a show with a premise as loose as this or at least a new one And New Girl is sort of like this too, but it's so loose. Did you find yourself wanting more structure from it? Did you want there to be more of a framework to hang the stories on? Sarah: [14:50] I didn't have that problem. Dave: [14:52] Sorry, let's reset that. I didn't really have that. Sarah: [14:57] I'm sorry. I have to go to the post office to talk to my friends there. I didn't really have that issue with it, but I can see that if it gets sort of toward the end of the season and it's still that vague and like characters seem to only exist to like be in third spaces together. And it's not, there's not more suggestion of their lives elsewhere, their work lives, so on and so forth. But on the other hand, that could work. It really is just a matter of it settling down. Like that was my only possible points off with the show. Tara: [15:32] Mm-hmm. Sarah: [15:32] Was that it was leaving things a little too vague in terms of the structure. Like, exactly what kind of friend hangout com is this? But I also didn't get the sense that it wouldn't figure it out. And there are certain characters and just little moments in the way Paul Baker and Anton interact with each other that's just like, okay if it's just these two kind of in the background of scenes setting up wheelchair races and gauze ball and stuff like that and the fact that they all call him paul baker, it's just something about like tv characters using full names that way the way that real people always do i just love that i always feel it's a sign of quality going back to you know jordan Catalano. Tara: [16:21] Yeah, for sure. I felt like the backstory of that was like they knew another. Tara: [16:25] Paul who's not in the picture anymore. Sarah: [16:27] Oh, sure. Tara: [16:27] They started calling him Paul Baker. Sarah: [16:29] And they knew another Paul B. Tara: [16:30] Right, right. Yeah, Anton is my favorite character. It's not close. Sarah: [16:34] Mine too. I love him. Tara: [16:36] The third episode that I've already been talking up probably too much, and by the time everyone gets to it, they'll be like, shrug. But it's about him being a friend slut, including to a guy who is alleged to have committed a bunch of stabbings in the neighborhood. And the way they portray him like getting way too close way too quick with everyone he meets is very funny when we see a bit of that in the second episode when he's like good luck to the nurse good luck on that custody. Sarah: [17:02] But they're like doing scene partner stuff i don't know it's just i i do like the confidence with which they are like well we have this bit and we can do it here and would this actually happen no but who cares these performers can sell it and i think that's honestly enough like if you want to spend time with people in a show then the writers have done their job the show structuring has done its job even if it's not really quote about anything like some of the great Sarah: [17:32] shows have not been about anything except people sitting around drinking or bitching or both yep. Tara: [17:38] It is It is time to ask them questions. Sarah: [17:40] It is time to ask them stuff. It's time for, them stuff, ask them questions, ask them questions. Dave: [18:14] All right, it is time for Ask EHG. Before we get into your questions for us, we have a question for you, colon, judgment. Tara Ariano. Tara: [18:24] Hello. This one I'm going to say did not pop off the way that other Ask EHGs sometimes do, but we got a few. Johnny Assay answered the question, which TV show villain is the least scary, dangerous, threatening to you? Which was submitted by Tee Pickles. Johnny said, Adam from season four of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, not enough personality to be the least bit sinister and too goofy looking to be intimidating. Dave: [18:48] Is that the guy that was sort of like Terminator? Sarah: [18:50] Yeah. Franken disc drive? Yeah. Dave: [18:54] Franken disc drive. Sarah: [18:56] Thank you. Tara: [18:58] Erica said, basically, I came here to write that too. So in order to not be a copycat, submitted Q from Star Trek The Next Generation. Yes, he has God powers, but I feel like I'd bore him to death almost immediately. Plus, Benjamin Sisko punched him in the face exactly one time. He'll leave you alone for the rest of the series' strike through your life. Dave: [19:17] I mean, he does villainous things, I guess, but he's more of a trickster god, I think, which is like kind of not a villain completely. So I would give that one a pass. Tara: [19:27] Well, that's not our winner. Our winner is Seth, who writes, Criticizing the latter seasons of Dexter is just shooting fish in a barrel, But the choice of Colin Hanks as a season-long big bad was perplexing. He's not intimidating. He's the diet version of the world's nicest man. On top of that, he had a whole ludicrous Mr. Robot thing going on with an imaginary Edward James Olmos that landed like a wet fart. Unlike your answer, Seth. Great job. Sarah: [19:54] Wow. Tara: [19:54] Please DM Dave for your sticker. And thank you to everyone who weighed in on this one. Dave: [20:00] All right. let's get into your questions for us. Dr. Calhoun has our first. What is the best game show of all time? Pressure's on. Sorry. Tara: [20:10] Not really. Jeopardy! Instant answer. There's truly no question in my mind about this. It goes fast. It has a lot of questions. It has high play-alongable quality. It's fun to watch, and it's fun to be right. Sarah? Sarah: [20:27] Yeah, my notes say, quote, the more interesting argument is for second best, since best is clearly Jeopardy! Second best vintage match game. Tara: [20:35] Dave? Dave: [20:36] All right. So I just want to make a couple of caveats here while I still have content to provide you before I had to peace out because of rain. If we're talking pure game show, which I think we are game show, not like a hybrid show. If it wasn't for that, I would probably put Taskmaster up there as game ish, but it's like really a panel show or at least a hybrid. So I'm disqualifying it for this discussion. Same thing for like Devil's Plan Genius, which are basically the same show, a show that I really enjoy. Haven't dipped into the whole second season of Devil's Plan yet. We've been metering it out just because we've been so busy. But I really enjoy that type of show as a game show. I'd much rather watch that than watch Jeopardy. So for me, Jeopardy is not going to be my game show answer. When we're talking about pure game shows, there are shows that do one thing extremely well, brackets, Jeopardy. or shows with great structure and segmentation, you know, like Price is Right. But the game show I like watching the most and therefore gets my vote is Classic Match Game. I love watching Match Game. You can still watch it today and get the same out of it. It's not timeless. It's time in a bottle, but it's still very watchable. Tara: [21:50] Yep. Dave: [21:51] Alright, Kara has our next question. Tara: [21:53] Good answer. Dave: [21:53] Good answer. Is there a person's name that you have developed an automatic distrust of? Kara says, I've had very bad experiences with every Kevin and Denise I've ever encountered, including ones I am related to. Sarah, a name that instantly means I don't trust you. Sarah: [22:12] With the usual disclaimers, I don't mean you, et cetera, et cetera. And with the added disclaimer that I answered this before watching adults to prep for today's episode, Kyle. It just, in my experience, is this like thuggy, no neck name Rittenhouse fucking ruined it for everybody. Dave: [22:31] There's a town nearby here called Kyle And there's nothing good there, sir. Sarah: [22:36] Yeah. Dave: [22:36] For me, it's Mark. I used to work for a Mark at a gas station in high school. He was a alcoholic asshole. Mark's work warehouse in Canada. I never understood exactly what they sold. Therefore, I was at best indifferent to Mark in that situation. Tara: [22:51] Well, it's workware. It's right in the name. Dave: [22:53] Yeah, but they had a whole bunch of other stuff, too. It wasn't workware only. It was like it was like how a bookstore in Canada is like we're a bookstore, but also you can buy candles. And guess what? Funko pops now because nobody buys books. That kind of work warehouse. Tara: [23:05] Okay so. Dave: [23:06] Mark for me talk. Tara: [23:07] Wow shots fired at mark lankenship yes sell that chair yeah oh jesus i'll say i'm always a bit wary of people who spell their name t-a-r-a but pronounce it tara because they have privilege they do not acknowledge but tara i mostly was when i read this question was thinking of the opposite which is i've always had great luck with people named will I think I've only met one bad will in my life. Dave: [23:34] Tara Ariano, eternal optimist. Tara: [23:37] That's what everyone always says. Dave: [23:40] Dr. Pepper, PhD. What TV show would lend itself to themed pet names? Tara, what do you got here? Tara: [23:47] I think Charlie, Mac, Dennis, and Dee are all excellent dog names. Actually, so is Frank. All five of the stars of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, I think, could be pedified very easily. Dave: [23:58] Sarah. Sarah: [23:59] I was thrown back in time to when you guys were considering getting either kittens or dachshunds and naming them Sacco and Vanzetti. Tara: [24:07] That's right. Sarah: [24:08] So then I kept thinking of true crime pairs that were like not horrible, but just like, I mean, Bonnie and Clyde were pretty bad and killed people. But, you know, Bonnie and Clyde. But bonded pairs of animals, go law and order, Briscoe and Logan. Dave: [24:22] Briscoe's a great dog's name. Tara: [24:23] Yeah. Benson and Stabler. Dave: [24:24] Yeah, the other one with Sacco and Vanzetti was from Good and Bad the Ugly, Tuco and Blondie, where it's the other Blondie pair names I wanted to do. Couch Baron, hey, Couch Baron, inspired by the Mr. Belvedere scenario from 2017 mini that we re-aired at the end of a recent Extra Extra Hot Great. He asked this, if Dave's dream scenario of an updated sequel to Mr. Belvedere, in which he sits on his balls every week, what would his attempted catchphrase be every time that happens? Tara, what would that catchphrase be? Tara: [24:58] Sought it right in the bollocks. Dave. Dave: [25:02] I'm keeping it simple. Not again. Tara: [25:06] Sarah. Sarah: [25:07] I've just got too many balls in the chair. Dave: [25:14] L Triple B, are there any shows you think would have worked better if they were in black and white? Sarah. Sarah: [25:21] Not really. I thought about like, what are the sort of period piece prestige shows that might have gone that direction? Mad Men, the Americans, and I just couldn't really justify it. I would like to say that Gilligan's Island changed over partway through, if I'm not mistaken, and they should have stayed in black and white because it just made everything about the goofiness of their predicament that much more obvious and fugazi. Tara? Tara: [25:50] I also thought of Mad Men and thought it It would be fun if it had started in black and white and then when color TVs in the timeline of the show became more prevalent, turned to color as well. Dave: [25:59] Ooh, I'm going to go with Penny Dreadful. Tara: [26:02] I think that would work. Dave: [26:03] It's basically a horror TV series, so you get some creature from the Black Lagoon vibes there. Tara: [26:08] Yeah. Dave: [26:08] Hayden Haymaker, sometimes I ask my dog Raven if she'd like to go on an old Milwaukee. Do you have any adaptive phrases that you use while talking to your various pets? We use phrases like that to obscure what we're telling each other. So we don't use magic words that engage dogs to think they're going for a walk. And the one that I use most is, although sooner or later, I think they're going to catch it. It's more of a tone thing. You have to be careful with your tone. Tara: [26:34] Yes, it is. Dave: [26:35] But like I would say to Tara, I think that maybe I am going to have our dogs have an ambulatory experience sometime soon. So stuff like that. Tara: [26:45] Yeah. I'll go next since I can build on that. Ambulatory experience is definitely in their dub, of course. Sometimes we do fingers walking to each other. Dave: [26:54] The yellow pages, yeah. Tara: [26:55] But yeah, Knowlton has figured out that if I go put shoes on and don't get my purse, he knows what's happening. Dave: [27:01] If I put in my ear pods and he's like suddenly like, he's ready. Tara: [27:06] Yep. Dave: [27:07] And if there's another sign, like a wallet goes into a pocket or something like that, or a hat goes on my head, then it's phase two where he starts doing twirls. And then if there's a third indicator, keys in the pocket, maybe then he starts bouncing up vertical takeoff of off an aircraft. Tara: [27:23] He really can get air. It's quite impressive. Dave: [27:26] Yeah. For a guy with a bum hip, he really gets some air. Sarah: [27:29] Bear, our dog, gets a mid-afternoon greenie and then a walk. So that is a snack and a walk, which is a snock, obviously. Either word, he will perk up. But after six years, he does not understand snock still. And now they have figured out, like we sing the theme from The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly when they're all like converging on the kitchen, except it's the bad, the bad, and the even worse. But now they know that sound. And he also knows the sound of a tin of Pillsbury biscuits, that thock of it being opened, and he will just appear from anywhere on the property with biscuit ears. Dave: [28:09] Like, what's the X-Men guy that goes, bamf? Nightcrawler? He's like Nightcrawler. He just bamfs into your kitchen. Pop of black smoke. Biscuits, please. Tara: [28:20] I can't believe you've had him for six years. What is time? Dave: [28:23] Yeah. Sarah: [28:23] I know. Dave: [28:24] Moving on, Jovial Jen, what is the worst salad dressing? I don't know why I just absolutely love this question. Sarah: [28:31] So do I. I had to think about it. Tara: [28:33] I had to think about it too, because I don't think I've tried a kind I don't like. Like if it's something where it has ingredients I don't care for, I just will avoid it, such as blue cheese. Although I recently discovered one of the prepared salads that I buy. It's like that salad dressing is blue cheese and it's fine. Dave: [28:49] Did we say, I think maybe we mentioned this, but I'm just going to do it quickly. We were at a cheese tasting somewhat recently because Tara's parents were in town, like a fancy pairing thing. And they had all this color commentary by two people that shouldn't have been doing it because they were not prepared. Or at least they did not have the under control. Yeah. But one of the little facts they put out there that I was absolutely floored by is the dominant flavor in Kraft Dinner, the cheese they use the most in Kraft Dinner powder mix. Is blue cheese. Tara: [29:23] And once you know that, you can really taste it. Dave: [29:25] I guess. Tara: [29:26] Not in a bad way, but I can just, now that I know that, I get it. Like, that's what makes it so sharp. Anyway, back to salad dressing. Newman's Zone is probably the last one I would ever try at a buffet. It's too slimy. Sarah. Dave: [29:37] What do you mean Newman's Zone? Newman's Zone has 10,000 different types of... Tara: [29:40] Does it? Okay, whatever the slimy one is, the oil and vinegar... Is that Caesar? Dave: [29:44] No, it's Newman's Zone slime dressing. Tara: [29:46] Okay, well then I don't care for that one. Dave: [29:48] It was hilarious. You can't do that on television time. Tara: [29:52] Pulse ectoplasm Okay, I thought that was the default one. Dave: [29:55] I guess it's Caesar It's like the. Tara: [29:57] Oil and vinegar and spice. Dave: [29:59] I'm too busy eating Paul Newman's Sock-a-roonies I don't even know what those are Are those cookies or is that a sauce? That might be a sauce. Tara: [30:05] I think I'll look it up. Dave: [30:07] Sarah We're really going deep on Paul Newman today Oh no, the corn! Sarah: [30:13] Paul Newman's going to have my legs broke. Uh, French. Tara: [30:17] Oh, French? Really? Okay. Sarah: [30:18] It's boring, and it often has an oil slick. I do not care for it. Meanwhile, though, its relatives, Thousand Island and Catalina, I'm fine with. But French is just like, I don't hate it if that's all there is. I'm not eating the salad dry. I'm not an animal. Although I do put water on my cereal, so maybe I am an animal sometimes. French dressing on my cereal. Is that a solution? No. Dave: [30:41] C'est magnifique. Tara: [30:43] Sockeruni is, in fact, pasta sauce. Dave. Dave: [30:45] I'm not sure if I have tried it since I was a kid, but this was my mother's choice of dressing for the 1970s green salad that was ubiquitous in all our kitchens. Russian dressing. It looks like a crime scene. Sarah: [30:59] Oh, yeah. Dave: [31:01] Because it's watery and red. It's disgusting. Russian. Tara: [31:04] For some reason, I always thought Russian dressing and Thousand Island were the same. Dave: [31:07] No, Russian dressing, at least back in the 70s, when you buy a bottle of Kraft, it looked basically like Catalina dressing, if I remember. Tara: [31:16] Okay. Dave: [31:16] But it had a different profile. I couldn't tell you what it tastes like because I'm sure as a kid, I tried it once like, give me that Italian back. So that's all I put on my salad dressing and frankly still do. Sarah: [31:26] Vodka and cynicism is the answer. Dave: [31:29] All right. Here's one for you too. Shamalex asks, which shows should have quit while they were on top? Sarah? Sarah: [31:38] I mean, this is an extremely long list, but of the ones that I had personal experience with and also failed to quit while they were on top, Buffy, Homeland should have ended after one season, if not then, after the ginger terrorist died. And House of Cards was way out over its skis by mid-season two and should have stopped long before it did. Dave: [32:00] Yeah, good choices. Good choices. Good choices. Tara: [32:06] Scrubs, which is extra ironic because we're going to hear more about it later in the podcast, but the vestigial extra seasons that were just done because the ratings were fine enough that I guess Bill Lawrence didn't want to fire all of the crew just because the main actors wanted to leave. Not setting anyone up for success. And those seasons did not work. Dave: [32:28] Portland Orc the First has our last question. What phrase do you want etched on your tombstone? I have two options for you. One, classic. I told you I was sick. Number two, bury treasure with an arrow pointing down. I think that would be great. Dig up my grave. I don't care. I'm dead. Tara: [32:47] I'm dead. She loved bamboo. Sarah. Dave: [32:51] Oh, that's really good. Sarah: [32:52] With an honorable mention to she died as she lived and then no follow up on that. My actual answer is, I don't know if you know the cliche about like, nobody ever puts on their tombstone that they wish they'd spent more time working. And I've said many times that I am the one person who would put that. Like, I understand the general sentiment. I get that it's mostly correct about setting boundaries against capitalism, but especially is a broad of a certain age. I just find that kind of text art sentiment really reductive and insufficiently respectful of my workaholism. So yeah, wishes she'd worked more. Tara: [33:29] The dressing I was thinking of was the olive oil and vinegar salad dressing. Dave: [33:33] Okay. L triple B has your ask, ask ESG questions. Hey, fellow drivers, let's come up with a name for this time of year when the sun is shining and it feels warm, but the air is still cold and crisp. You know the kind. You're constantly adjusting the windows, the air conditioner, and heat while driving. What should we call this season of temperature tug of war? Coin that scenario, dear listeners. Go to the Discord. There is a channel called Ask. Ask E-H-G. That's where you're going to put your answers. And we'll be back soon with a judgment on that. whoever has the best answer wins that cake sticker. Dave: [34:12] It is time for the Tiny Cannon presenting this week. It is Sarah D. Bunting. Sarah: [34:18] Hi. Today, we are talking about a scene from My So-Called Life, Season 1, Episode 18, Weekend. My So-Called Life is one of my favorite shows of all time. It is what got me started talking about TV on the internet back in the listserv, dial-up, CompuServe account that was all numbers days. This is not exactly a minority position among critics to have it be one of your favorite shows, but what is probably a minority position is loving the series' second-to-last episode weekend. I won't get into the arguments for or against the episode, but part of the reason I selected Bess Armstrong's rendition of a drunk Patty Chase for the tiny canon is that this episode is very unlikely to get into the full-sized canon. But mostly I chose it because of Bess Armstrong's rendition of A Drunk Patty Chase. For those of you less familiar with the show, Patty is mom to Claire Danes' Angela. And in this episode, she and her husband Graham, Tom Irwin, are kind of falling further out of phase in their marriage, with Graham getting close to that Hallie Lowenthal person in his cooking class. But they're on a weekend getaway in this episode with Graham's brother Neil, Danton Stone, and his new girlfriend Cheryl, the great Laura Innes. This weekend is supposed to be romantic in theory. Sarah: [35:34] In practice, Graham, Neal, and Cheryl go into town without Patty, leaving her to stew and try to make friends with the prickly B&B manager, Warren, Jack Nance, a David Lynch acting corps staple whose IMDb bio is a real journey. If you're standing in line at the post office waiting to over talk to somebody. Sarah: [35:53] Stewing turns to a simmer when the other three return high as kites on Marijuana and with a bunch of in jokes that Patty doesn't get. But they also procured some Dr. Allen's gingerbread brandy as a hedge against the B&B dining room not having a bar, which is how, after hitting what she calls that hooch, all through cocktail hour and dinner, Patty winds up sloshing booze down her shirt, starting to take it off in the dining room and getting ejected, then fireman's carried up to her room by Graham and Neil, as we will hear in clip one. Did you get. Tara: [36:57] Ma'am. No, no, no, no. What about my ice cream? Nobody. Is getting any ice cream tonight. I want ice cream. Oh, come on, Warren. How about one little scoop? I thought we were friends. Sarah: [37:11] Warren. Hey, this isn't so bad. This is fun. It doesn't really matter how Patty got to this inflection point of ripshittery, but it's not entirely irrelevant to its tiny kid unworthiness because part of what makes this specific instance of wastedness, Tiny Canonical, is how well you can trace it back to Patti's feelings of anxiety and isolation about her marriage, not being the capital F fun one, either as a parent or in a double date scenario. Sarah: [37:42] Not being part of things and approved of. The reasons that she gets shmammed are very legible and relatable. Mostly, it's Armstrong's performance. The why of Patti getting sauced on a twee novelty brandy is compelling, but the what is the key here, because believable performances of drunkenness are like pizza. Very hard to do so badly that they don't work. Hard to do so well that you're impressed. Sarah: [38:08] The trick, in my opinion, is to remember that in life, drunk people do not realize exactly how drunk they are. What's more, drunk people, thanks to being drunk, have a nearly unshakable confidence that their drunkenness has not reduced their competence or charm one iota. Not making sense, not respecting boundaries, that's for other drunk people. Nine out of ten actors trying to convey intoxication will shortcut to variations on slurring, weaving, and other overt motor function impairment, inserting the occasional verpy hiccup to punctuate the performance, and nine times out of ten, that gets the job done just fine. Bess Armstrong's rendition of it in Weekend is that tenth time. The failure to realize she hasn't lowered her voice enough, the lip-biting focus on getting her shirt off to soak it and then getting it stuck on her head, oblivious to other diners, her offended how-dare-you tone that is immediately distracted over to the ice cream sundae she requested. It all reads fucked up, but what really sells it is Armstrong's understanding of Patty's understanding of how fucked up she is. Namely, listen, listen, listen, I'm fine. Sarah: [39:21] Honorable mention to her scene partners, especially Laura Ennis, who Cheryl is visibly struggling with double vision in this scene. But it's Bess Armstrong who's making us almost smell that hooch that we're here to celebrate. So I hope we'll be raising a glass to her soggy induction into the extra, extra hot, great tiny canon. Tara: [39:40] Thank you, Sarah. That was such a great presentation. I have almost nothing to add. I mean, I think you nailed it with the inhibitions that are being lowered at this point in her story arc are her stress about the marriage. And so her overcompensating is because of that. She's trying to compete with this woman she barely knows without consciously knowing that's what she's doing and trying to show that she's different, trying to be a different kind of person to him. And it just goes off the rails because she's way too wasted, way too fast. And being in a B&B and asking for the dessert of an ice cream sundae, like, of course they don't have ice cream sundaes. This is the kind of place that's fussy. They have like a tiramisu or maybe like a creme brulee. They have something that's very middle brow upscale for her to just be like, what I really want is to go to Dairy Queen, but I'm here. So I'm just going to ask them to do it. It's so funny. And also I'd forgotten who her scene partners are. Danton Chase played Jerry Bowman in several episodes of Roseanne. Obviously Laura Innes we know as Carrie Weaver. And then fucking Pete Martell from Twin Peaks is the angry innkeeper trying to hustle her out ruining everyone else's nice night yeah it's great excellent pick excellent presentation Dave. Dave: [41:03] I don't have the experience with this show that you guys do, but I thoroughly enjoyed the drunkenness, too. The part that clinched it for me is when she tries to drink her fourth drink of the night. It's sort of almost like the airplane. I have a serious drinking problem where it just splashes on her. Sarah: [41:20] I had that in my notes. Dave: [41:21] It's almost that bad. But the way she dials it back is that she hits her mouth, but somehow all of it goes to the side of her mouth and dribbles down both of her cheeks. and just that little bit of physical comedy clinched it for me. So, yeah, I enjoyed it quite a bit. Shall we put this to the vote? Tara: [41:37] Let's do. Dave: [41:37] So I'm going to vote yes. How about you, Tara? Tara: [41:39] I'm going to vote yes as well. Dave: [41:41] All right. So that means my so-called life weekend. You are hereby inducted into the extra hot, great, tiny drunkenness canon. Dave: [41:52] Americans love a winner. Yeah. And will not tolerate a loser. No. It's time to discover who are the not-quite-winners and not-quite-losers of the week. We'll start with Sarah. Sarah: [42:03] My not-quite-winner is Shibuzi, who went viral for his reaction to Megan Maroney saying the Carter family invented country music at the... It was the... Tara: [42:14] It was the AMA, American Music Awards. Sarah: [42:16] Right. It's not within her control what's on the teleprompter, but he definitely seeming to think that she was talking about cowboy Carter. I don't know what was going through his head, but the side eye to her was hilarious. And then he just like chuckled and kept going. And he went viral for this and then has been obligated to come to Moroni's defense and be like, she wasn't erasing the role of anyone in country music history. She was reading off the teleprompter. Everyone calm down. Shibuzi is very pleasing to look at. So naturally, I had to pick him for this. And then, I mean, the side eye was really gorgeous, regardless of the circumstances. So yes, well done, sir. Tara: [43:04] As someone else who has no poker face, I felt for him in that moment. So bless him. Sarah: [43:10] Yeah, that was the embodiment of what? Like, yeah, it was really good. Not quite loser. Bill Belichick's hard knock season. I would be a bad University of North Carolina spouse if I did not note this. Reportedly has been canceled due to interference from his girlfriend, emphasis on girl, Jordan Hudson. That whole story is really starting to feel like there's an elder abuse component to it. That would have been a really interesting season. Like, I like that show sometimes because I don't care about football. I just like mess. And this would have been the messiest. And I guess Ms. Hudson figured that out and put the kibosh on it. I don't have time for your little baby shenanigans. Tara: [43:54] I don't know how you would be able to tell that he was being poorly cared for since, you know, those shirts with the holes in them are what he's been wearing for like 40 years. Sarah: [44:03] That was the argument on Defector.com that basically it's like, Is this the free people $168 machine-aged version of this t-shirt, or is it just some shit that was in the back of his closet crumpled into a boot? Tara: [44:20] Yeah. Sarah: [44:21] Well- Yeah, who can tell? That's a good point. Tara: [44:23] However this story ends, between the two of them, it's going to make a great doc series someday, and I look forward to watching and judging, even though I don't care about football at all. Sarah: [44:32] I mean, yeah, it's not going to be on Untold because people have been doing nothing but telling it for weeks now, and I am not against that. Tara: [44:41] Yep. My not quite winner of the week, I alluded to it earlier, and here it is again. It is the revival of Scrubs that I guess is definitely really happening now because they booked Zach Braff to return as JD, and this is not surprising. It really would have been feeble if they had not been able to get him. Sarah: [45:00] Oh, yeah. Tara: [45:00] A. God. He's not doing anything else. So, of course, this is what he's going to do. I mean... Dave: [45:06] Still shopping around Garden State, too. Sarah: [45:08] If it puts a stop to those T-Mobile ads that we have to endure during baseball games, I am all for it. Tara: [45:16] I mean, winning an Oscar didn't stop Zoe Saldana endorsing Verizon or whichever company she... Shills for so i don't get your hopes up. Dave: [45:25] Have they got turk did he get donald fazen. Tara: [45:27] I haven't seen but i'm sure i mean it feels. Dave: [45:30] Like that has to happen in conjunction with getting zach braff or why bother. Tara: [45:34] Because they. Dave: [45:35] Are basically one character. Tara: [45:36] You know what i mean like you can't. Dave: [45:38] Separate that pair and still have a good show. Tara: [45:40] I mean they do the they do the commercials together so i'm sure he'll be back too yeah i'm also sure i will hear more about it this weekend because Bill Lawrence and Zach Braff are going to be at the ATX TV Festival. So I'll report back on that either at Cracked or on the podcast. My not quite loser of the week is Hacks. Yes, Hacks did just get renewed for its fifth season, which is good news because we've already heard the creators have a five season plan for the story. So at least they will get to tell all of it. Not surprising, but great. But it is also the loser of the week because co-creator Paul W. Downs was on Jimmy Kimmel this week and told a story about writing a storyline for Cher on the show and that her response came back, quote, I don't want to do it, which like, wow, this is why you become Cher so that you don't have to invent some kind of sugarcoated reason. You just say no. And they have to say, all right, move on. So I love that. Dave: [46:42] I mean, isn't she in her 80s now? Like, you know, That should be an excuse enough. Like, I'm 80. I don't want to do this shit anymore. Tara: [46:49] Yeah. Sarah: [46:49] Well, and also, you know, she might want to do it. Like, I don't think it's bad to try it and send it to her people. And then if she's like, nah, okay, you assume she's going to say that. So, fuck it. Tara: [47:01] Indeed. Dave: [47:01] It is time for Kim's most awesome thing she watched on television last month. And let me tell you, Charles Ingalls was quite the pugilist in his college days. Tara: [47:12] Oh, my. Sarah: [47:12] Wow. Wow. Dave: [47:16] Hi, this is Kim Reid, and welcome to the most awesome thing I saw on TV last month. So last month, I watched Little House on the Prairie Season 4, Episode 10, called The Fighter. This is known amongst Little House fans as one of the most boring episodes, and it was 90 minutes long, but I found parts of it pretty awesome. So, you know, your mileage may vary. So there's this weird opening shot of a man lying on a bed in boxing gear, and it's the camera pants from his toes to his feet to his legs and so on. We see that he's wearing some very clingy tights and not much underwear, which was an interesting way to open this family-friendly show. And also, who is this guy and where's Half Pint? So anyway, apparently we're in Carson City, Nevada, which is just taking me further from my beloved Walnut Grove. The guy from the bed earlier is named Joe Kagan, and he's a boxer. He has a wife and a kid. Interestingly, his wife is played by Kitty Lester, who would go on in the next season to play Hester Sue, a teacher at the blind school with Mary and Adam, if you know, you know. Anyway, her character's name here is Janie Kagan, but I guess she impressed the producers with this three minutes of screen time. I'm not surprised, though, because Kitty Lester is awesome and you should Google her. So back to her husband, Joe, though. I guess he's not a great boxer, so he gets beat up so badly that his eyes are mostly shut and he can barely open his mouth to speak. His wife insists that he stop boxing or she's leaving. He won't stop and she does leave and she takes their son with her. Dave: [48:40] So suddenly it's 14 years later, which is quite the time jump, and we're finally in Walnut Grove. Nels is nailing up a poster that says that Joe Kagan is coming to Walnut Grove to take on all comers, and if he can stay in the ring for three minutes, he'd get $50. Dave: [48:53] Andy and Laura argue about whose pa is stronger. Andy makes the salient point that Jonathan Garvey is a literal giant among men, and Laura concedes that her pa is the strongest small man in town. Wonder how Michael Landon felt about that description, since he allegedly wore lifts swelling character, but we do love a short king. So Nellie sashays by and says a horse is stronger than both their fathers and smarter too. Man, Charles and Jonathan are out here catching strays on the prairie. Dave: [49:21] So Laura tells Pa at dinner she knows he's not scared and Pa says he actually is. Andy tries the same line on Jonathan, who sounds less scared. Alice says they can't afford the entry fee anyway, and Jonathan digs up the $5 entry fee from his rainy day fund. Weren't these two like getting divorced over lack of money about last week or so, and now apparently Jonathan had hordes of cash dashed around the house this whole time? So the Olsens are also discussing the fighter over dinner. Harriet reveals that Nels was a boxing champ in college, or at least that's what he told her, and the face on Nels definitely makes it seem like he was making that up to impress Harriet while they were courting or something. Also, I demand a prequel series of Nels and Harriet, The College years. So Nels gets up and demonstrates his boxing technique, and the whole family says he has to enter, and Nels looks stricken. Harriet was definitely turned on by that display, though. So then the stagecoach arrives in Walnut Grove as all the men look on it. At first, they're psyched because they see this limping man exit the coach, but it's just Joe's manager, a guy named Moody. Joe Kagan steps down, and while he's both broken and battered, he still looks pretty big and strong. Pa arrives at work at the mill, and he finds Jonathan upstairs punching the sacks of grain like a real weirdo. It's not quite rocky in the meat freezer. Dave: [50:33] Anyway, Jonathan misses a sack of grain and punches the wall and hurts himself so he can't fight, so he wants Pa to fight for him so he won't lose the $5 entry fee. He says if Pa wins, they'll split the prize 50-50. That doesn't seem like a good deal. I'm thinking it should be 70-30 at best. Pa's the one putting his body on the line. Pa doesn't want to fight at all, but Jonathan guilts him into it. And also, did you To think they'd have an episode with people fighting and Pa wouldn't be involved, Michael Landon loves to fight dudes. Unfortunately, these guys fight topless, so he can't grab anyone by the shirt front, his favorite move. So it's finally fight night, but instead of an auditorium or a casino, these matches are happening in a barn. Charles arrives and says Ma took the girls to church to pray for him, which is pretty funny. Nels is sitting in the audience in a daze, and he's white as a sheet, so of course he's first in the ring. The bell rings to start the round, and Nels immediately gets knocked out, like one punch and down. So Charles is up next. Pa manages to dodge and weave and hide behind the ref. He takes a punch but gets back up and Joe's looking pretty rough. Dave: [51:32] Outside, Laura and Andy peek through knotholes, but then Ma shows up and yells at Laura to get back to church, but Ma sticks around so she can sneak a peek. Back in the ring, Joe's vision is blurry and he keeps grabbing his head, and Pa manages to get in some body blows. And then Pa knocks Joe down and Caroline is screaming in delight. Joe gets counted out and everyone cheers for Pa, but Pa, being the good guy he is, goes to shake Joe's hand and he realizes Joe's not okay and he tells Jonathan to get Doc Baker. Did Pa just murder someone? So the next morning, Doc Baker says Joe's gonna be okay and Pa's mighty relieved he's not a murderer. And then Doc Baker yells at Joe's manager for making him continue to fight because it's gonna kill him. Doc even says he can tell Joe's seen a doctor before, which how would he know that? Did the previous doctor leave like a secret doctor signal somewhere on Joe's body? Dave: [52:19] So then Joe's supposed to rest for three days, which is a good idea because that dude is busted. And his manager says it's time for them to part ways. So he packs his things and leaves. Then in the darkest scene I think I've ever seen in Little House, Pa decides he wants to give his prize money to Joe. So Pa and Doc Baker head up to Joe's recovery room and they find Joe on the floor and a noose hanging from the light fixture. Wow, dark. So once they get Joe back in bed, Pa gives Joe some tough love and says he's sticking around until Joe's better. and then Joe can go off and do whatever because Pa feels responsible. So then there's a montage of Pa trying to help Joe heal and Joe very reluctantly going along with it. Like Joe refuses to eat and Pa puts the food back in front of him until he does. But after a while, Joe's eating the food without protest and hanging out at the mill while Pa works. And one day, Pa finds Joe's half-eaten sandwich and freaks out. But Joe was just in the outhouse, LOL. And as Joe walks back, he says, do you think I jumped off a cliff? Which is funny, but also way too dark for this family show, if you ask me. Dave: [53:19] Meanwhile, in a Chicago boxing gym, Joe's ex-manager Moody's looking for a new fighter. He comes across Joe's son, Tim, who is none too happy to hear about his dad. Turns out that even though Joe sent them money, the family never got it, so Moody must have pocketed it. I hope Joe and Tim fight him together before the end of the episode. Dave: [53:35] So some months later, Pa tells Joe that Doc Baker's cleared him for travel. He can leave whenever he wants, but Joe doesn't look too excited about leaving. Pa has the answer, as always, and he gives Joe the prize money he's been saving for him, and they decide to go to the bank and see about Joe buying some land in Walnut Grove. But while they're in the big city, Joe sees a sign advertising Tim's fight. So he goes to the saloon to check it out and he overhears Tim talking to a reporter about his mom's death and his father being a deadbeat and Joe looks sad. So then Joe decides to fight Tim for reasons and he spends a long time during the fight just blocking, but eventually Joe knocks his son out. That'll learn him. He shares a long look with Moody and Moody then tells Tim their partnership is off. So I guess Joe wanted to make Tim look bad so Moody wouldn't manage him anymore instead of just, you know, talking to him like a human being. OK. Also, I guess Pa just fucked off back to Walnut Grove because he is not in any of these scenes. So Joe waits for the train back to Walnut Grove. But first he meets Tim at the station and he finds out Tim's headed to Denver to live with his aunt, which is what his mom always wanted him to do. Dave: [54:36] Joe wishes him good luck, but he never reveals his identity, except that he calls him son when they say goodbye. But it could have just been like an older man calling a younger man's son. So that was kind of unsatisfying. And they never saw him. Wait, just kidding. Joe totally comes back next season when Mary goes to the blind school. How exciting. And that was the most awesome thing I saw on TV last month. Tara: [55:08] We welcome in the grandpas. Grandpas, this is your last chance of the month to possibly get us to the goal. We are so close. Every month we just get like a tantalizingly, small amount closer to hitting the $6,000 goal. I cannot believe how close we are. It would take so few of you to switch over to the $5 level to get us there. And then you would get the Carrie Race commentaries, the Stephanie Green commentaries, and the Drunk Dave Call-In Show. You could experience what Dave is like, Patty Chase style. And you know what? If you'd heard the whole episode, you would know what that means because it relates to the tiny cannon. You missed a lot, but we're happy that you're here for this, which is originally an Ask EHG question that Vandy posed in the Ask EHG channel on Discord. I have, however, repurposed it for this, and we're calling it TVs on the Fritz. It's funny because Fritz was a commercial chess engine from the 90s. That's my title. Vandy wrote, which characters would you choose as the pieces for a TV chess set? And we're going to go to Dave first because he started to do this and then stopped because our house was flooding. Dave: [56:19] That's right. This is exactly where the storm started. I actually have an answer in my notes that is halfway through a sentence when it all started. So I only have an answer for bishops. So we needed two bishops. And my choices are Walter Bishop from Fringe. Tara: [56:37] Yep. Sarah: [56:37] Uh-huh. Dave: [56:38] He is a little crazy. He may not always move diagonally. I think if we have elastic rules, he might be the guy that moves in circles or spirals or maybe the golden ratio move. Who knows what Walter Bishop will do? Or perhaps, actually, give him a fringe. Maybe he teleports to the bottom of the chessboard for the alternate universe chess game that's happening concurrently. For my second choice for Bishop, it is the Bishop from Monty Python from the in-universe show, The Bishop, in which Terry Jones plays a bishop who is sort of like a cozy and British detective mixed with sort of a mob sort of thing. The premise is he is... Dave: [57:26] Guess sort of like a church investigator and for we don't get the backstory but vicars are blowing up across the country and he enters the church it'll say don't say whatever don't say where that verse is from and of course then he does and then graham chapman blows up he goes to another one where there is a christening a baptism and john cleese's don't put water on that baby's forehead or something like that as soon as he does the baby splits open and there's actually the baby was a bomb and the whole thing blows up and he keeps on getting later and later to these he gets worse as it goes along to the point where the last one is they're driving and by the way he has a sports car he's driving into the area and there's like a distant explosion you just see the car back up and then the very last one is michael palin screaming for help and then they're walking down the street and the bishop's just like shoving people out of his way like a like a mafia so it is so weird. It's not quite the heights of Julius Caesar and an Aldous Lamp, but it's really close for me. I really love the bishop, especially when the bishop has all his henchmen and they need to break down the door. So the henchmen use one of the henchmen as a battering ram. And when they actually go through the door, not only do you see the door move, the whole set, like the three walls that are creating this hallway tilt up and they leave it in the sketch. So I love the bishop. So he is my second bishop and that is it for me. Bye. Tara: [58:54] Sarah, what are your chess board characters? Sarah: [58:59] I did a version of this that I think was incorrect, but sort of playing off of Dave's thing, I had like Michael Knight and Eugene Gergen from Knights of Prosperity as knights. And then I was like, oh, I think this is maybe not how you're supposed to do it. Anyway, what I ended up doing was a Sopranos chessboard, white on one side, shell pink on the other, like a Carmilla manicure. Sarah: [59:22] The white side is Tony, and then the pink side is his antagonists. So, on the white side, you have the king, Tony Soprano. The queen, I made Meadow, because I just get the feeling, based on the last few episodes, that it's like, mm-hmm, that's what's going to be happening 20 years in the future. The bishops are Dr. Melfi and Hesh. The knights are Polly Walnuts and Christopher. Very sort of loyal, but not actually that useful. The rooks are secretly more powerful than like I don't know a lot about chess so I had to do a little googling around so for the rooks on Tony's side I put Silvio and Johnny Sack and then the pawns there were a bunch of characters in this scenario that just sort of didn't go anywhere but I was trying to think of characters that were like significant but also I mean sometimes literally pawns, but also sometimes just killed off quickly. So on the white side of the board, you have Gigi Sestone, Bobby Bacala Sr., Tracy. Sarah: [1:00:29] Eugene Pontecorvo, Artie Bucco, David Scatino, Gloria Trillo, and Fran Felstein from the Kennedy Hat episode. On the antagonist side of the board, I made Uncle Junior the king because the king is not actually that powerful. It's just back at the back of the board trying to run things. The queen is Livia Soprano, of course. The bishops on the antagonist side are Father Intentula. That priest Carmela goes to see who's just like, why don't you just go to the gynecologist, you weirdo? The Knights are Mikey Palmisi, remember him? And Big Pussy Bonpensiero, who I just didn't really know where to put him. Like I said, there are some major characters that there was not room. Maybe I need to do a third set. Rooks are Phil Leotardo and Ralph Cifaretto. They do seem pretty effective, even though they both get dead. And then the Pawns are Matthew Pevilacqua, Sean Gismonti, Little Pussy Malanga, Philly Parisi, Brendan Filone, remember him? Jimmy Altieri, Jackie Jr., and Vin McKazian. You can kind of swap a bunch of these out. I was tempted to do one where the Russian was the king, but then I kind of couldn't make that work narratively. Why I'm trying to make this work narratively is, you know, I mean, it's important to take one's work seriously, but I may have spent way too much time on this. Tara, what direction did you go in with your TV chess set? Tara: [1:01:58] I did like Dave did where the pieces where there's more than one they're the same on a side but i did themed sides so gotcha white i went with space and starting with my king got ed baldwin of course from space show which some people call for all mankind queen is going to be laura rosalind from battle star galactica two bishops they're both going to be inara sarah from firefly that is the uh marina becker in character two knights that's going to be beckett mariner from star trek lower decks two rooks because it kind of sounds like rogue i went with bender from futurama and the pawns are all going to be star trek red shirts of course i. Dave: [1:02:40] Can't believe we forgot the rook of the rook that tv show. Tara: [1:02:44] That two people watched, And on the black side, it's going to be a monster theme. So our king is Godzilla from Monarch Legacy of Monsters. Queen is Buffy Summers from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Bishops are going to be Liv Moore from iZombie. Knights are Lestat de Leoncore from Interview with a Vampire. Rooks are Salem Saberhagen. That's the talking cat from Sabrina the Teenage Witch. And then the pawns are the infected from The Last of Us. So little mushroom guys. and that's my set. Don't ask me to play my bat at chess. Dave: [1:03:22] Yeah. I just want to throw out one choice for Rook, which is Castle from Castle. Tara: [1:03:27] Oh, that's very good. Sarah: [1:03:28] Sure. Dave: [1:03:32] And that is it for another episode of Extra, Extra Hot Great. Guess what didn't happen before I had to go out and deal with the flood? It's me writing the outro. So let me just say thank you, everybody, for listening to this sort of truncated at parts episode of Extra Extra Hot Great. We do really value your support and we're sorry we didn't give you a 100% episode today, but you got to hear about all our water. That's fun, right? We'll be back next week with another full episode, chock full of dryness for all you people there. So keep that in mind. And remember... Tara: [1:04:12] We're listening. Dave: [1:04:13] I am David T. Cole and on behalf of Tara Ariano I'm. Tara: [1:04:20] The V of my G. Dave: [1:04:21] And Sarah D. Bundy Checkmate Thanks for listening everyone and we'll see you next time right here on Extra Extra Hot Crate.