Coming As We Are To Wear Whatever The F You Want

Dave: [0:11] This is the Extra Extra Great Podcast. Episode 352 for the May 3rd, 2025 weekend. I am room temperature iced coffee drink I've been holding for hours waiting for you to arrive, David T. Cole. And I'm here with sophisticated girly girl, Sarah D. Bunting. Sarah: [0:35] That's hot. Dave: [0:36] And amoeba with a vacuole, Tara Arellano. Tara: [0:39] Don't you remember from science class? Tara: [0:46] Welcome to Extra, Extra Hot Great for another weekend. Ken, thank you so much for being here. We're so excited to have you and to tell you all about wear whatever the F you want. For 12 seasons, starting way back in 2003, oh my God, style experts Stacey London and Clinton Kelly co-hosted the American version of the British format, What Not to Wear, in which unfashionable people were nominated by their loved ones to bring their wardrobes to New York, get them roasted by Kelly in London, then have a $5,000 shopping spree for the items the experts thought they should be wearing. Usually low-rise dark denim was involved. It was the style at the time. Then the show ended. London and Kelly apparently fell out. But then they made up, had a live tour, and are now co-hosting Wear Whatever the F You Want, a make-better show that aims to help contributors dress according to their personal style, but maybe a slightly more chic version of what they're already doing or want to do. We're recording this well in advance, So I think all eight episodes dropped on the premiere date of April 29th. We got access to the whole season. We may talk about events from any episode. Let's do the Chen check-in. Sarah, should our listeners watch Wear Whatever the F You Want? Sarah: [2:00] Yeah. If you watch the old one, this is the same kind of fine to either have on in the background or watch with a friend like in your hotel room. So sure. Tara: [2:15] Dave. Dave: [2:15] I mean, this show's not my jam, but I just don't understand the premise of the show as a whole being entertaining, which is it's like our older one, except we're not going to judge people about their choices anymore. Isn't that the fun of the old one? All right. Chen checking for Dave over. Tara: [2:30] I mean, kind of. And we'll get into it. I would say I agree with Sarah. This is for peanut gallerying or having on during another task because it's too long. I'll accept Jess is nice and deserving and so on. That's the contributor in the first episode. But like, please get to her drying stuff on. I don't need all the fluffing. Like, why is it so long? Sarah: [2:50] Yeah. I mean, and just turning it into like a rebirth journey. And I'm not saying that that doesn't happen or that people don't get into style ruts because it does. And they do. And especially when you have kids, you just don't really have time to sit and reflect on condoing the closet that you're functionally sharing with your teen and tween. But okay, I get it. But that does not need repetition, does not need 10 minutes of screen time and it really does miss the hidden camera judgment portion a little bit but i think in here in 2025 that's just not something shows can do or should do so but you have to you have to edge it up some other way and they haven't that i've seen based. Tara: [3:38] On the little that i've seen of the future episodes it does seem like they're they're not going with what was the i would say stock and trade of the first show because usually if you got on what not to wear is because you're fashion was too much and people were. Sarah: [3:53] Like dial. Tara: [3:54] It back or you just were like an old navy mannequin like there's just. Sarah: [3:59] Nothing or you were being inappropriate at work like the thing about the old one is that your friends and family like narked on you right yes on top of that you also had to know that all your shit was going to get thrown out and it was because like your cousin that you thought was your best friend sent in a tape of you having bifocal boob, and you're like, well, thanks. Tara: [4:21] I mean, I'm sure sometimes people nominated themselves just because they wanted a makeover and they knew they could get it because they were so non-existent. But anyway, my point is... Sarah: [4:30] According to Reddit, that happened a lot. Tara: [4:32] Yes. Dave: [4:33] When you say bifocal boob, do you mean the bra is sort of like squeezing it halfway through? Tara: [4:39] That's correct. Dave: [4:40] Not that one is out of focus at long distance and one is in focus? Tara: [4:45] Thank you. Sarah: [4:45] I mean, that would be the effect also. So it means whatever you want it to mean. Tara: [4:50] Anyway, my point being in future episodes, it seems like these are people that have like more of a more of a brand in terms of fashion. And they're just like, I need to get this, you know, tuned up versus I'm not doing anything, which is what Jess essentially was saying. Like she just was wearing clothes that have no character at all. Sarah: [5:10] Right. Tara: [5:10] So I wish they had started with someone that had more coming into it than just like, I don't know where to begin. Dave: [5:16] Oh, don't you think her constantly wanting to be like Paris Hilton wasn't direction enough? Sarah: [5:22] That was really. Tara: [5:23] Right. Dave: [5:24] Four times or so. Tara: [5:25] Oh my God. Dave: [5:26] At least. Sarah: [5:26] Like, when are we? Dave: [5:28] What is happening? Tara: [5:29] Right. Paris Hilton. But then on the second day, she's like, or like Kristen Cavallari. Like, those are two completely different stories. Sarah: [5:37] And also, again, when are we? And then she's like, this is giving, you know, Carrie Bradshaw. And I'm like, well, is that good? Not always. Tara: [5:47] So, Dave, you already said this is not your usual affair and you probably aren't going to continue watching it. I feel confident. Dave: [5:55] Yeah. I mean, the only show like this I've ever really watched consistently would be Face Off, which I think is just to the side of this, basically. It's this show with makeup and like creature makeup. Tara: [6:06] Yeah. Did you glean any general style lessons from what you saw? Dave: [6:11] Well, we didn't watch any ones with guys in it, so I didn't really have a lot to attach to. I learned if you mostly wear solids, you should try to pick out one thing with a pattern on it. Tara: [6:23] Yes. Dave: [6:23] That makes sense, but it's also too scary. Because then you just have that one thing that's got pattern and you feel obligated to wear that pattern thing all the time because you just really like wearing solids. Why does this wear all solids? Why bring attention to yourself? Just blend into the background of society. Wait your moment. Tara: [6:39] Okay, so the answer is no. None of this penetrated to change Dave's personal style. Dave: [6:46] No, not really. Tara: [6:48] There is a piece in our doc about their feud and their reconciliation. They had some details about their live tour, including that attendees should feel free to dress like the standard whatnot to wear mannequin, which was... Sarah: [6:59] So good. Tara: [7:00] Jacket, blouse, straight leg dark denim, pointy toe shoe, statement necklace. And I thought, okay, at least they know. Like, when I read that, I was like, all right, they can laugh themselves. Yeah, I did think the old show tended to meet contributors where they were. It was definitely more mean, as Dave said. But I don't think that they were, like, trying to go, like, A to Z, changing somebody's personal style. They were just trying to nudge them from, like, A to C, maybe. Did you, Sarah, remember it being extremely prescriptive in a way that they're, like, running away from now? Sarah: [7:34] I mean, I think there are a couple of infamous episodes. I sort of disappeared down a Reddit hole last night, just trying to refresh my memory on why they might be trying to redeem themselves in a way with this update. And there's the infamous episode featuring Courtney, who it was a lot of camo and a lot of use of the word tomboy. And I remember thinking back in the day that it was a little bit of a missed opportunity and sort of actually unexpected that they were that rigid about sort of what was, quote, feminine and what was professional and that everybody was kind of getting the same A speech about cutting all their hair off to start fresh, even when they were like clearly traumatized and in tears at the prospect of a bob. They were getting it anyway. And then there was that mannequin look, which like did improve some people's line, I guess. But I feel like this is much more, they're trying to redeem themselves for being kind of binary and rigid, I would say. And based on the teaser reel for the upcoming season, I'm hoping that it goes in a direction of like, I don't know if you remember a documentary, which I just looked it up and I am shocked to find that it was in 2016. Sarah: [8:57] But it's called Suited and it's about trans and non-binary people getting fitted for suits. I've watched that thing like three times. It's so affirming about like, if you don't have clothes that fit you correctly, like you should wear the clothes and not the other way around. So I think that that was where it was really strong back in the days being like, no one can see the label. So just go up a size so that you're not hating life all the time, which as a newly minted 35 waist in Levi's, yes, just do it. Do what you have to do. I don't think the old version was super mean all the time or bad. I just think they got in a rut like anything does. But the mannequin line in that piece is very funny. And I was like, oh yeah, sure. Liberty print blouse, structured blazer, And these Reddit threads are so funny. So many people like me who kept buying blazers, even though we don't have that life. They're not flattering on... A big front porch like mine. Tara: [10:03] Sure. Sarah: [10:03] It's hard to find one for this long torso, but like that really seeped into the groundwater of the culture was the t-shirt bra and insisting that every woman had to have a structured blazer. Like, nope, not how we live. Tara: [10:15] Now, talking about like who in that era really needs to do kind of a self-redemption tour, this made me think too, like, it would be interesting to get Tyra to try again with America's Next Top Model because God knows she has a lot to atone for. And it is actually a different era for models. Like if you look at a magazine now, you are going to see all kinds of different people that you wouldn't at the time. Like even back then, there would usually be one plus size girl in the mix. No one ever thought she was going to win. And I think only once did one ever actually come out on top. But now, like, there's all kinds of size acceptance, even in major fashion magazines like Vogue, which always stuns me when I see it now as someone who grew up in the 80s where it's like, holy shit, like, things really have changed. And so I think doing that show over again would be interesting considering all of their various crimes, which we don't need to get into, but have been, you know, chewed over in think pieces over the past five years, like, for sure. Sarah: [11:18] I think on this particular reboot, there's definitely an opportunity to give people news they can use, so to say, about here are all the things that traditionally have been said about plus-size dressing. And that are sometimes that community is served by how well made the clothes are, but usually no. And just like get into it. Because I did notice in the premiere episode, her friend Dallas is a big woman, but was wearing a ton of neon and just like super bright colors. And it's like, this is not what they would have advised for this woman, whatever they you're talking about, Stacey and Clinton or, you know, the fashion they. Yeah. Like, don't draw attention to the fact that you're not a size four. Like, fuck that. Tara: [12:05] Right. Sarah: [12:06] That neon sweater was cool as hell. I was, like, trying to source it. So, I'm hoping that that is a direction they go in. It's just, like, proper quality assembly and joy in dressing for everybody. Tara: [12:19] Yeah. I think in future episodes, we're going to see people who are, like, there's a literal Amish woman who's, like, trying to dress more civilian or English or whatever. Sarah: [12:30] English. Tara: [12:31] There's a trans or non-binary person that's doing kind of like a genderqueer thing, which looks very cool. There's a guy who his final look is like blazer with no shirt. So I think they are pushing themselves. And I think future episodes are going to be more different than this one was. This was just like blah person gets a makeover. It's sort of the standard what not to wear thing. But I think future episodes, they're doing something more different. Are you going to keep watching? Sarah: [13:01] I might have it on to like pay bills or craft buy or whatever. Like this is what it was for. Tara: [13:08] Yeah. Sarah: [13:08] Was or, you know, if you and I were like lounging around a hotel room, just put the marathon on that or Shark Tank. And this is not it's not derogatory. Like that's perfect content for that. And so, yeah, I'll keep watching and see if they're able to iterate on it in a way that's like useful and fun. Tara: [13:25] Yep. Same. Dave: [13:34] Oh, dear listeners, it's time for the segment everybody loves because the theme's so great. Yes, it's time for Ask E-H-G. Tara: [13:56] Oh, dear listeners, it's time for the segment. Dave: [13:59] All right. Let's get into your questions this week. No judgment. This is a wee little pre-tape. So let's get into it with Milsnacks. Who are TV's best sneezers? Tara, you got all TV to choose from. Who are the best sneezers on television? Tara: [14:16] I truly could only think of one, and it was Elliot from Scrubs, because we find out in one episode that one of her quirks is that she sneezes with her eyes wide open, and then we actually see her do it, and it's very unsettling. Dave? Dave: [14:30] Well, I really couldn't think of anything. So I went to the experts, www.sneezefetishforum.com slash topic slash 70780. They asked, best TV shows with sneezes? Sneezy role play answers. I don't know where it posts. Some move is necessary. Looking for episodes with sneezing. Prefer colds, but allergies and random sneezes are good too. Please specify gender and reason. And not a mouse says series two, episode nine of Brooklyn nine, nine has one female sneeze from a cold with lots of adorable medication, loopiness, and some caretaking. These people know what they like. Also season one, episode 12, 16 and 19 have sneezing from a different female character due to dog allergies. So we got that going for you. We've got a correction. Actually it's season three, episode 18. Cheddar is what you're thinking of. So good looking out sneeze people for other sneeze people. Big Bang Theory when Penny has allergies. That's a good one. Andy Dwyer has a sneezing fit at the beginning of season six, episode 19 of Parks and Rec. And then there's a whole bunch of stuff about romance anime I don't understand. But rest assured, lost his sneezing in the air for you. So that's a little lesson on TV's best sneezers. Thanks, SneezeFetishForum.com. Dave: [15:58] Seekent has our next question. In the vein of volcanoes in Austin, what would be an implausible but watchable emergency on Dr. Fuckboat? Sarah. Sarah: [16:08] Okay, a sea cyclone picks up an entire school of fish 100 miles away and then drops them on the ship's various decks and common areas. Many cud cushions, slip and falls, etc. ensue. Tara: [16:23] Dave? Dave: [16:24] I am Zirian in this at all? Fishnado. Sarah: [16:27] Sure, he can be. Dave: [16:29] Well, first I thought of things like a mid-ocean whirlpool. Sure, that makes Doctor Odyssey sense. A Kraken, sure, that'd be great. Atlanteans, yes. I'm all for all these things. But what I really wanted after I thought about it is for there to be a bigger cruise ship that once every three episodes bullies the Odyssey. Sarah: [16:53] Okay. Tara: [16:56] I mean, I feel like this question is coming from someone who doesn't know they've already done shark and whale attacks this season. But I can't say pirates or Poseidon. an adventure, meaning the whole ship gets turned upside down because they did both of those on 9-1-1 last season. Dave: [17:11] Yeah. Tara: [17:12] Therefore, in terms of implausible but watchable, hitting an iceberg. Dave: [17:17] Okay. Tara: [17:17] Crashes straight into it. Sarah: [17:18] There you go. Tara: [17:18] Titanic. Dave: [17:20] Jovial Jen, I saw a horror movie based on Fuck, Marry, Kill came out last year, so I have a Fuck, Marry, Kill, a sitcom TV show based on Fuck, Marry, Kill, a sci-fi fantasy TV show based on Fuck, Marry, Kill, and a TV game show based on Fuck, Marry, Kill. And my brain kind of broke trying to like parse out what would actually be the end reality that we're... So in our document, we usually have the order of who's going to answer this, you know, Tara, Sarah, Dave. This one, I just have workshop because I don't understand exactly how to tackle this. And I don't understand what these three options would actually present like in a universe where we're choosing these three genre-filtered fuck, marry, kill shows. All right, general thoughts, so we can drill down if we need to. Sarah: [18:07] I can just blunder in here with a confidence I haven't earned and say this. I believe that it's like this Moebius meta, like it's Fuck, Marry, Kill, four properties based on Fuck, Marry, Kill. Tara: [18:22] Yes, hypothetical properties. Sarah: [18:23] Do you fuck the sitcom, marry the sci-fi, blah, blah, blah. Right. So my initial response was that I would fuck the sitcom, marry the sci-fi and fantasy TV show, and then kill the TV game show, and here's my rationale. The sitcom will be too sitcom-y, and all we have is the premise-y, like shit my dad says, but at least it'll be pretty short, probably. Like short-lived, so I'll just fuck that. A TV game show based on Fuck, Marry, Kill would just, it would be like a 42-minute primetime thing hosted by Jamie Foxx with maybe seven minutes of actual gameplay and content. So I'm going to kill that one. That leaves sci-fi, which I think would probably work as an animated, surreal, like Dirk Gently adjacent situation where you just keep looping through the universe and returning to this premise over and over again. but I'm not totally sure how a sci-fi version of it would work, or frankly, a sitcom version. So that was my first instinct. Sometimes that's the best one. Other times that's how you end up with pleated jeans. I don't know. Tara, your thoughts? Tara: [19:36] Okay, I do not align with you at all. I think a sitcom and a game show are the most likely ways to adapt this format. I mean, a game show, it seems obvious to me because it already is a game. You could just shoot the questions at people and then have judges decide who had the best rationale for whatever they picked. And I don't think it has to be long. Like, you know, Netflix has, I think you should leave episodes that are 15 minutes. You could do something like that. That's just stupid. I mean, Nicole Byer is not hosting Nailed It anymore. Have her do this. I think that would be really funny. You have a panel of comedians doing this sort of app at midnight style. I think it could work. So I'm going to maybe and yet. I'm only going to fuck it because I'm probably not that interested in watching it over and over again. A sitcom called Fuck, Marry, Kill, I'm kind of surprised it hasn't already happened. To me, this is like an edgy, you know, HBO Max type of like, we're with three girl roommates. They're all dating. And like, they all align with one of these. Tara: [20:39] Maybe one of them is even a murderer secretly. Who knows? Certainly, that's how you sell a show these days. There's a murder mystery in it. But like one of them is just like casually dating. One of them is in a serious relationship on her way to getting married. And yeah, like maybe the third one is a killer secretly or not secretly. Who knows? So I'm going to marry that one because that seems like my jam. And then for a fantasy TV show based on Fuck, Marry, Kill, I'm just as soon as you say fantasy, all I can see is Rings of Power. So I'm picturing like a very expensive, really dumb, awkward adaptation of Fuck, Marry, Kill, like in the Glen where people have magic. Sarah: [21:19] Oh, my God. With like the ears. Oh, yeah. Tara: [21:22] Exactly. Sarah: [21:23] That's a good point. Tara: [21:23] And the fucking and marrying and killing all involves like, you know, laser zapping and whatever. So obviously I'm going to kill that one because I don't want to watch that. So that's mine. Dave. Dave: [21:34] Yeah, I think I agree with you now that you've sort of like. Sarah: [21:36] You know what? You took me into Tara's version. Dave: [21:39] Made a presentation for what these shows actually would be is where I was getting hung up. Like, how would that present in the universe where we then have to pick the product of weird math formulas of TV shows? So, yeah, I can sign on that. All right. Very good. Sarah: [21:54] Yeah. Tara: [21:55] You're welcome. Dave: [21:56] C. Kent is back again and really demonstrating that maybe he doesn't know what he's talking about when he's asking these questions because I don't get this one either. Sarah: [22:03] If G.I. Dave: [22:04] Joe's nemesis, the inept terrorist organization known as Cobra, formed a rock and roll musical ensemble, what would they name themselves? Tara: [22:12] Cold Slither! Dave: [22:14] This is a question we already know the answer to. It is Cold Slither. I don't know exactly why you are asking me this question. Is this a trick question? You're trying to trip me up. Are you going to surprise us with the second band name that we didn't know about? I just don't know what's going on here, C. Kent. So the answer is called Slither. And then also, what the fuck? Tara: [22:35] Yeah, it's in the canon, isn't it? Sarah: [22:37] Also, also, it would be called Terror-yers. Tara: [22:44] Nice. Sarah: [22:44] You did that to yourself, Seekin. You did that to yourself. Dave: [22:47] Dr. Calhoun, do you use the handicapped stall in the public restroom? Tara? Tara: [22:53] Only if it's the only one available and there are people lined up behind me. If it's the only one available and there's no one behind me, then I'll wait. because I'm not disabled. I can wait. I don't, it's not for me. Dave: [23:06] Maybe it is not disabled only. It's disabled accessible. Tara: [23:11] Sure. Dave: [23:11] You know, there's no law that says you can't go pee in there or poop in there. Or both. So, yeah, I'll use it if it's open. Sarah: [23:19] Stanley Steamer, the carpet cleaner. Dave: [23:22] I have no problem using it. I mean, if it's an absolute jam-packed post-movie bathroom scenario where I could plausibly believe that somebody is going to come into the bathroom within two or three minutes and needs that stall, then maybe I won't. But generally speaking, I have no problem using that still. Sarah. Sarah: [23:40] Yeah, same. Dave: [23:41] Exclusive. Sarah: [23:41] Same criteria as Tara. And also that's usually where the changing fold down table is for people with the little ones. So I try not to use it, but sometimes it's just a literal shit show, like, you know, on the highway. Like if it's working and I can get it in and out in a minute, then sure, I'll use it. Dave: [24:01] Get one of those toilets for your car. Tara: [24:04] Car potty. Sarah: [24:05] No. Dave: [24:06] Portland Orc the first. What's the most embarrassing screen name you have ever used? This has been brought to you by the poster formerly known on AIM as X, Her, X, Bright, X, Eyes, X. That is something Portland. All right. So, Sarah, most embarrassing handle? Do you have one? Sarah: [24:24] I mean, SARS has really not done what it was supposed to do. I should have thrown an extra E in there and not assumed that people would know my name is Sarah. and that's how it was pronounced. But beyond that, honestly, mine, first of all, they were all so long ago that I can plausibly believe, I can plausibly claim that I don't remember them, but I would admit it. Mine weren't really embarrassing so much as proof that I am older than the nearest hill. Like, I had a CompuServe username, and it was all numbers. So not really embarrassing. Unfortunate, like Dave said. Tara? Tara: [25:01] I mean, I don't know how embarrassing it is, but I would not choose Wing Chun now. I'll say that, but that and my actual name are the only screen names I've had. So by default, that. Dave? Dave: [25:13] Yeah, I don't think I started out with anything but Clark. I think before that, it would be like, what's your ICQ number? And it's like, well, here's my giant number or whatever. So I guess that's it. I change my game tag on Steam every time I start Steam. So it's always something weird and new. Uh, most recent one I'm currently playing as Cool Ranch Spiderlegs. Tara: [25:35] Uh-huh. Dave: [25:36] Delicious. Sarah: [25:36] Oh. Tara: [25:37] You also change your Discord handle very frequently. So as we're recording this right now, it'll definitely be different by the time this episode comes out. But what is it today on April 10th? Dave: [25:47] In all caps, I'm here to see my gynecologist. Sarah: [25:49] Exclamation point. Tara: [25:51] Eh. Yeah, it is. Dave: [25:53] VH4's lawsuits be damned. What ER cast members from any era do you hope would guest star on season two of The Pit? Good question. I'm going to skip ER entirely and expand the lawsuit possibilities available to the Crichton Estate with an addition from St. Elsewhere. So we're going to roll in St. Elsewhere into this morass. So in my mind, Steve Allen and Jane Meadows were in more than three episodes of St. Elsewhere, but the characters stuck in my head right away. And whenever I think about that show, for some reason, that's like my second or third thought about that show. But they're only in three episodes. And the gist of the storyline is they come back into Ed Begley Jr.'s character's lives after he thought they were dead. And it's also pretty clear pretty quickly that his parents are ex or probably active CIA agents. They work for the company. Tara: [26:48] Sure. Dave: [26:49] And they sort of dip in and out of the show with this storyline that's all very cloak and dagger, but also very domestic and parents doting on their Dr. Child and that kind of stuff. So I want to take that energy and we're going to put that type of character into season two of The Pit, make them Dana's parents so that Dana can have somebody to take care of problems for when she needs to. Tara: [27:13] Yep. Dave: [27:13] If you know what I mean. All right. Sarah. Sarah: [27:16] I would go anthony edwards i really do feel like noah wiley is channeling early season mark green and in a good way and maria bellow who i think i think she kept getting for a while that it was like we're gonna put you in as credit cat credits cast or you're gonna lead this american iteration of prime suspect and nothing really took off for her on tv and i always thought that was a shame. I always have thought that she's really good and likable and not trying to do too much if she's in a procedural of whatever type. So I would love to see her and you know, CCH Pounder always. Tara: [27:57] I'm going to go with Troy Evans and Abraham Ben-Ruby, who both played desk guys on ER in the pit. First of all, you can't tell me they don't look like two guys who could live in Pittsburgh, because they do. But they're going to be a father and son who get injured building a deck, and they get brought in together. Sarah: [28:16] Oh, I love it. Tara: [28:17] Maybe one of them dies or has to give the other a kidney or something. But yeah, and I checked their ages. They're 77 and 55, so they could play father and son plausibly. Sarah: [28:27] And yeah, Troy is still showing up on the last season of Bosch Legacy. So, or excuse me, Bosch Legacy. Dave: [28:36] Aaron P., in light of the new Press Your Luck movie, what mundane and inconsequential TV scandal should get a big screen adaptation? So before you guys go, I just want to say I got a really good guess of what one or both of you are going to say. Tara: [28:51] Oh. Dave: [28:52] We'll see at the end if I'm right. All right, so Tara. Tara: [28:54] I'm going to go with Ladies Who Punch. This is Ramin Satudeh's book about The View. They announced a miniseries of it in 2020, and then nothing has happened since then, I guess, because we still haven't seen it. So forget a miniseries. Let's see a movie. I would love to be part of the casting process of who gets to play all of these characters on the big screen. I think that would be fun. Dave: [29:20] All right. Zero for one. That's not what I thought you were going to say. Tara: [29:23] Sarah. Dave: [29:23] Sarah. Sarah: [29:24] Okay. We are going to win all the money. Going to win all the money for Dave, I think, with the documentary feature Good Wife, colon, made of the editing. 110-minute documentary feature on why they had to shoot Alicia and Colinda's last scene with the actors separated. Allegedly, fuck it, someone just tell us what happened, even if you have to make something up. Tara: [29:46] I'm going to say my backup is something, a scripted movie about Shannon Doherty's last days at 90210. Sarah: [29:53] Oh, yes. Yes. Tara: [29:56] All right. Dave: [29:56] So my choice of inconsequential TV scandal is the 1987 hijacking of two Chicago area TV station signals in which they showed a DIY Max Headroom singing the theme to Clutch Cargo getting his bare ass spanked with a fly swatter by a French maid. And that would become a movie. Tara: [30:17] I'm going to link this in the show notes but I remembered while I was talking that Joe and I actually, Joe Reed our friend, recent guest on the main show when the miniseries was announced we did a post for primetime or fantasy casting the miniseries so we'll link that in the show notes so you can see all of our picks, for example Joe started strong with Jessica Lange as Barbara Walters and it goes from there, so I think we had some great picks Alright. Dave: [30:43] Milsnack has our next question They ask, what are you bringing to the Antiques Roadshow? Sarah. Sarah: [30:48] A neighbor of ours was sufficiently desperate to get rid of all the awkwardly heavy mid-century shit in his mom's house before he moved. He probably should not have taken 20 bucks for this thing, but it's one of those old school tables that has a rotating platform in the center. You turn this big crank on the side, that's what she said, and when you flip it around, it's an old school foot pedal operated sewing machine. Dave: [31:13] Oh yeah. Sarah: [31:13] The bottom rack of the table says welcome in a little painted metal scroll, and either you can keep magazines there or you can keep all your sewing notions there and it also has several clever drawers of unusual size that don't really fit anything except spare phone chargers for some reason so that's what we use it for it's not that we don't like it and it's not like we don't are keeping it as an investment hedge and hoping antiques roadshow is like you're a billionaire i'm just curious as to what they would tell us about the history of um fish nor fowl furniture like. Sarah: [31:47] That from the depression and maybe a heritage seamstress or seamster out there might like to give it a more active home right now it's you know phone chargers and at-home art university catalogs from the 40s so that's what i'd bring dave yeah. Dave: [32:04] I had to think of if there was like one thing that we could bring to an antiques roadshow from our house because like i don't think we have any real antiques off the top of my head. So I like old commercial signage and art. That's so my tastes go like from the teens into the seventies. And if it's something that was like in a watch shop in the London watch district, I love that kind of stuff. You know, sometimes road signs and things like that. Like there is one big giant 1920s radio that my dad found and fixed up and I'm sure the process of actually making it work has incredibly devalued it as a item at Antiques Roadshow. But that's the way my dad rolls. Like he would find a musket from the War of 1812 in the backyard and like immediately start cleaning it. So it'd be as shiny as can be. Sarah: [32:51] Get that pesky patina off. Dave: [32:54] Yeah. But yeah, at a certain point I was like, dad, I really love it when you think of me when you go garage sale hunting. But if you buy something and you think I might want it, don't touch it until I come back to visit. But he's like, okay. Sarah: [33:06] I still think about those lockers sometimes. Was that a Cole Senior find? Dave: [33:10] Yeah. Sarah: [33:10] I left those. Tara: [33:11] Were they? I thought you found them. Dave: [33:12] Well, we've had two sets. We've had two sets in our lives. Sarah: [33:15] They were red. Dave: [33:16] Yeah. We had orange ones and those other ones. Sarah: [33:19] Oh, yeah. It was orange, actually. Dave: [33:20] Yeah. All right, Tara, what do you got? Tara: [33:22] Years ago, and I've probably talked about this before because it's my white whale of antiques, but we went into a junk store in Hawaii and there was a canister that had nuts scrawled on it in very messy red paint. Dave: [33:37] Yeah. Tara: [33:37] And I really wanted to get it, but it was $30 and I could not possibly justify it. And I still think about it so clearly I was wrong. Dave: [33:46] To be clear, somebody in their house just painted nuts on it. Tara: [33:49] Yes. It was not a commercial item. Yes. It was dripping. It's, you know. So that's what I would bring in just to be like, eh? Just to see what they would do with a crazy person. Sarah: [34:02] Like, yes, you are. Next. Tara: [34:04] Yeah. Dave: [34:05] Good answers. Grizzed Claire has the last question for us. Oh, boy. The ice cream truck just turned the corner onto your street. What are you getting? So this depends. Is it a real ice cream truck or just a truck that plays the ice cream lure music? but when you get there, it's just a collection of freezers with no actual soft serve machine. Therefore, it is not a real ice cream truck. So if it is a real ice cream truck, great. I'll get myself a vanilla dip something or other, vanilla dipped in butterscotch if they have it, chocolate if I must. If it is one of those basically trucks masquerading as, sorry, if it's basically one of those Dickie D bikes masquerading as a truck, then I would like not make a special trip to go out and get anything, but if I was there, because whatever other people are around, I would get like a drumstick. Good old classic drumstick. Tara: [34:55] When I was Dickie D age, they, to be clear for the Canadians out there, because I don't think it's called that here, Dickie D was like, you would just get a teenager with a bike and they would like drive around and it had a cooler on the front and then they would like to show, roll through your neighborhood. Sarah: [35:09] It's like the Italian ice cart. Tara: [35:11] Sure. Sarah: [35:12] Or wood or ice. Tara: [35:13] Right. They were like, you know, they were just, the cooler was just stocked with pre-made novelties. Dave: [35:18] Oh, yeah. Today, they're all like the terribly disfigured SpongeBob SquarePants novelties where his eyes on his cheek and shit like that. Yeah. Tara: [35:25] The one that I would always get, I believe, was called a slushicle, even though there was nothing slushy about it. It was just a popsicle, but it was huge and orange and it was delicious. That's what I would get if it's that situation, if it is a proper truck, like a Mr. Softy or similar. similar you know it's the same principle as when i go to a diner i get a grilled cheese and fries i'm not here trying to see what they're gonna do with chili i just want to get something i know they know how to make well and similar with an ice cream truck it is a vanilla cone with chocolate dip sarah strawberry. Sarah: [35:57] Chief crunchy chief chief crunchy you know the good humor yeah oh okay whatever a non-good humor truck has to call it to be copyright compliant. Tara: [36:09] Sure the pink one. Dave: [36:11] Jovial Gent has your Ask Ask ESG question. What are the best few opening seconds of any episode of television? If you have a candidate, go to the Ask Ask ESG channel under Discord. Plop your answer there. We'll be taking a look at that through the week. And we'll be back soon with judgment-free sticker for the winner. Tara: [36:31] Looks like these are called strawberry shortcakes now. Someone was like, uh. Yeah, I'm sure. Sarah: [36:37] I was wondering if they had gone the way of the Washington football club. Tara: [36:41] Looks like they have. And you can get them a box of them to keep in your very own house at Walmart. Dave: [36:46] Great. Sarah: [36:47] All right. Tara: [36:48] No strawberry. Dave: [36:51] Shut up, everybody. It's time for the Tiny Cannon. Presenting this week at Sarah. So, Sarah, you can stop shutting up now. Sarah: [36:59] Okay. Ho, ho, ho. So the micro-canonical moment I am presenting today comes from Season 3, Episode 10 of The Sopranos, To Save Us All from Satan's Power. This episode aired in April of 2001, but is set at two Christmas times. Sarah: [37:17] We find Tony Soprano, James Gandolfini, flashing back to a past Christmas, specifically the one when Big Pussy, Vincent Pastor, shows up drunk for his gig playing Santa Claus at the Pork Store's annual Christmas toy event. I said a mouthful. In retrospect, Tony realizes he should have figured out why Pussy was so head up that day. He was wearing a wire under the Santa suit, we later find. But despite everything they learned in the meantime, Tony and the guys fondly recall that Pussy was an on-point Santa, great with the kids and the patter, even when he was ripped up. His replacement in the present day? Not so much. Gentle giant Bobby Bacala, future Sopranos podcaster Steve Schirippa, has been conscripted primarily because of his Santa-esque silhouette. wet in the scene in question he's already on edge shyness he later explains is a curse the chaos of the scene is not helping and when bobby thinks that one young and in particular is double dipping with the toy giveaway an iconic moment is born clip one come on single file over here come on next one in line it would kill him to say. Tara: [38:34] Wasn't. Yes, you were. Now you're going on Santa's list and you're getting nothing. Fuck you, Santa. Sarah: [38:44] Tyler Galizio, ladies and gentlemen. Mr. Galizio, who is, alas, not listed as fuck you Santa kid on this episode's IMDb page, but I guess we could probably try to change that, has left the business and is a team training and leadership guy in the finance sector now. May the riches that he has brought to us culturally be returned on him tenfold. He will remain a Sopranos one-shot icon for that fiery, toothless delivery of the ultimate swear word in a room full of mafiosi, and for catalyzing one of the show's legendary O's. As well, it's that unicorn among television ankle biters, a realistic-seeming child who doesn't overstay his welcome. I don't want to do that either, so I hope my fellow panelists will give this wee lad and his latrine lip, TM Carmela, the gift of electing him to the tiny K&N. Tara: [39:42] Thank you so much, Sarah. I'll go first. Someone wishes we could fast forward six months to the holidays and it shows that you're picking a Christmas episode here in May. Yeah, this is great. This is exactly what you want for a guest star to like come in, kill their one line, be memorable, be important to the scene. On The Sopranos, You want them to spark an oh, because that's literally always funny. But yeah, the kid is so small and his fuck you is so confident. And the apologies from his mother afterwards were like, please don't whack my child. They're so funny. So yeah, the whole thing is great. Of course, this is an excellent moment. And thank you for bringing it to us, Dave. Dave: [40:27] Yeah, you want two things. You want a kid saying fuck you in a way that's genuinely funny and not too forced. It's not very problem child or whatever those series of movies. Yeah, he's not cutesy. Sarah: [40:36] It's not precocious. He's just being a little dick. Yeah. Dave: [40:39] So you want that. And then, of course, you want the Soprano guys all going, oh, and you get that. Probably like the best one I think I've heard in my mind anyways. This is like the ideal Sopranos. Oh, so you put those things together. It's such a short, tiny little package. I mean, what can you do but say, yes, obviously this needs to go in. And also the way the kid is dressed helps too. There's something about that slightly bulky winter wear that gives the whole thing a, like a Christmas story sheen. So it's like that contrast between the two is playing here as well. Let's make this official, Tara. What say you? Tara: [41:17] Yay. Dave: [41:18] Me too. So Santa Bacalas gets cooked by a six-year-old from the Sopranos you are hereby inducted into the extra hot, great, tiny, foul-mouthed Brat Cannon. Dave: [41:39] So no, not quite winners and losers of the week. We're doing our not quite top 11 lists. I have the last entry in our famous, Dave's original famous TV show titles that sound like bad porn lists. Today we're dealing with the letters M-I-L-F. It'll be our last entry in this series. Well, you know, we've already done BJ and DP and now we're doing MILF. So I don't really know how many we have left over. And I don't want to find out. Sarah: [42:08] Stanley Steamer. Dave: [42:09] Yeah. So we're doing the not quite top 41 TV show titles that sound like bad porn. Milfied. Here we go. Starting with the M's. Madam Secretary. Make Room for Daddy. Tara: [42:22] No! Dave: [42:23] Guess worse. Make Room for Granddaddy. Tara: [42:26] No. The follow-up. Sarah: [42:27] Oh, no. Dave: [42:28] Malcolm in the Middle. Man vs. Food. The 59, 69, 2001, 04, and 2024 editions of Manhunt. Mash Max Headroom Max Steel McLaughlin Group Meet the Browns Mr. Peepers Mr. Meaty I am Weasel I got a rocket I'm a celebrity, get me out of here The Inbetweeners Ivanhoe, Land of the Giants Larry King Live Leave it to Beaver Legends of the Hidden Temple Lights Out with David Spade, Look Around You Family Matters Family Ties Fetch with Ruff Ruffman, 15 to 1 Fight Back with David Horowitz Fishing with John fixer-upper flip or flop flip that house flip this house the flip wilson show flipper flipping out flow, Freaky Links, and finally, F Troop. Sarah: [43:51] Oh, Freaky Links. Sir. Hey, buddy. All right. I have not quite 11 contemporary TV figures who could have used Stacey and Clinton's input back in the day. So roughly the same time frame as the original What Not to Wear. Either they needed the counsel the two used to provide or could have benefited from a treat yourself glow up according to their current MO. let's get into it. Number one, Keith Hernandez shaving off his mustache. Not sure where Stacey and Clinton would have come down on this decision, which was a charity stunt and which Hernandez reversed with all due growing speed, but it was unnerving for a generation of Met fans and definitely off-brand. Number two, Ted Levine's regrettable rug on Monk. Zero reason for this gravel-voiced drink of water not to go natural and the rug is so obvious and looks really cheap. Number three, that absolutely massive sweater on Noel Crane and Felicity that made him look like an extra in the pinhead waiting room scene in Beetlejuice. David T. Coles knows what I'm talking about. Scott Foley is a good looking dude and NYU dorm rooms do not go below 78 degrees. Why is he wearing 17 LBs of wool? I ask you. Sarah: [45:06] Number four madison on everwood slash everyone else on the wb in the early aughts even the 0.4 percent of people who had the body for the three and a half inch rise recording fcc disaster in every scene wearing those things please more pant number five carmella speak of the devil up to like mid to late season four of the sopranos it did seem like they got to her eventually actually Much softer hair, better fit on her clothes, but she was serving late 80s well into the aughts on The Sopranos. Sarah: [45:42] Number six, Hannah Horvath of Girls. There is nothing wrong with a foundation garment. Also, your tattoo narrative is really busy. Think of, you know, a solid shift dress occasionally with an underpant. Number seven, Jeff Probe's chambray camp shirts. I'm not actually sure what else you could do here, and they are very him and utility-based, but maybe a linen occasionally, something in a dark green. Sarah: [46:11] Number eight, the outfit Carrie Bradshaw wears to chase Aiden's dog in Sex and the City. I understand that this is a fashionista who is accustomed to literally running around the city in five-inch heels, but even those ladies should have a pair of slip-on Converse next to the door for exactly this emergent situation. Also, bra, it's raining and you're wearing a white top. Number nine, Nicolette Grant on Big Love. This would never happen. the entire point of the character is the deeply traditional Warren Jeffs creepy family photo of the whole thing. It just would have made me laugh to watch them trying, probably in vain, to convert a Chloe Sevigny It Girl portrayed character of all people to the dark-rinsed, bootcut, and structured jacket with choppy lob church. And finally, Executive Assistant District Attorney Jack McCoy, I understand that you are a civil servant whose tenure began in the 90s, and is never going to have a suit that fits under these circumstances. So let's control what we can control and get rid of the greasy barn jacket and ancient shapeless briefcase. Manhattan portage bag in a tasteful olive green. No more corduroy collar wax jacket from the original Banana Republic that used to be safari gear. Just get a classic trench. Ben Stone has one you can borrow. That's it, Tara. Tara: [47:36] I have the not-quite-top-11 real or assumed feuds that, if they were settled, would make TV better. This is, of course, inspired by Stacey and Clinton's feud. I'm just going to run them down 10 to 1. If you want more details on these feuds, you can Google them. I'm not here to hold your hand. Keep up on culture. Number 10, Tia and Tamara Mowry. Okay, I'll just break my own rule by saying, yes, they are twins, and yes, they have apparently fallen out, and it's like a thing. Number nine, Tom Hardy and Charlize Theron. Number eight, Ronna and Beverly. Number seven, Martha Stewart and Gwyneth Paltrow. Number six, Jennifer Lopez and Ayo Adebary. Number five, Shonda Rhimes and Katherine Heigl. Number four, Henry Winkler and Tom Hanks. Yes, again, look it up. Number three, Winona Ryder, And she's back, Gwyneth Paltrow. Number two, Will Ferrell and Adam McKay. And number one, the one you were waiting for, you knew it would be number one, Kim Cattrall and Sarah Jessica Parker. And I am also going to give an honorable mention to Werner Herzog and Klaus Kinski, which I only excluded since Klaus Kinski has been dead since 1991. And I assume he died mad. Dave: [48:46] Yeah. Sarah: [48:48] Herzog still is keeping the feud alive, at least as far as his books of the late aughts. Tara: [48:53] And I love that. Sarah: [48:53] And good for him. And that's a petty fucking king. Tara: [48:56] That's why we love it. Dave: [49:04] It is time for the extra credit. Welcome in, Grandpa's. You missed about 50 minutes of show before this. We talked about a lot of things. We've got the old whatever, the F you want to wear show, which is not quite the right title. But I'm going to let you discover what is the correct title. Ooh, there's a bonus for this. Sarah: [49:21] I know to be true. Dave: [49:23] These things I know to wear. Sarah: [49:26] Yes. There it is. We did it. Dave: [49:29] Here now, so let's deal with the extra credit this week. It comes from David Teagle. That's me. Sweathogs in time, time, time, time. The four Sweathogs from Welcome Back, Cotter have found themselves a time machine in the retired janitor's closet. So my question is for each of the four sweat hogs in the show, Vinnie Barbarino, Arnold Horschach, Boom Boom Washington, and Epstein, we want to know what historical event from before 1975 are they choosing to experience and how does that work out for them? And then what TV show from after 1979 do they try to get work on and how does that turn out? So let's go character by character, shall we? Tara: [50:13] Sure. Dave: [50:13] Yes. All right. Let's start with the... Let's start with the... Taurus Choice. Tara: [50:19] Okay. Dave: [50:20] And then you go first. Tara: [50:21] For Vinnie Barbarino, his pre-1975 event, this was my rationale. What we know about Barbarino is that he's hot and he is horny. What we may reasonably guess is that Marilyn Monroe was a formative sex object for him. So I think a soft-hearted, hard-penised Barberino would want to go back to her last night on Earth on the theory that if he could just give her some of his good loving, he could stop her overdosing fatally and maybe live happily ever after. And if not, at least he would be able to say he had sex with Marilyn Monroe one time. Dave: [50:52] Yeah, I could see that. Sarah, where are you sending Vinny Barberino back in time? Sarah: [50:56] I am sending him to the Appalachian Summit, which was held in Appalachian, New York, at the home of gangster Joe the Barber Barbera, so already it's destiny. This 1959 gangster con, allegedly, was for various organized crime figures around the country and is notorious in part because law enforcement quickly figured out that something was up with all the black Cadillacs with out-of-state plates and raided Barbera's compound, sending many of the mobsters fleeing literally into the woods around the property. Vinny is from the city. His idea of a nature hike is stepping off a trail in Prospect Park to throw away a hot dog wrapper. So he is utterly paralyzed with fear in a clearing and apprehended immediately. Does not go well. Dave? Dave: [51:41] I was sort of on the same track as Tara. Like, I didn't think he would go too far back in time, but I think he's even going a shorter amount of time back because I think he's not super ambitious person. I think that's probably something we agree on. So I think what he does, he just travels back a couple years, say 72, 73 or so, just so he can get a head start on his disco dance moves so that when that really hits in the 1975s where Curtis starts, that he is absolutely ready and he is the king of the dance floor and, you know, everything that that gets him. Tara: [52:18] All right. Dave: [52:19] So where is Vinny going in the future? What TV show is Vinny going to in the future, Ty? Tara: [52:24] Well, as soon as he hears the premise of Entourage, he's going to want to be its Johnny drama for sure. Sarah. Sarah: [52:32] He is delighted to get cast on The Sopranos. He shouldn't be because he is Sean Gismonti, the hot but dim Bevilacqua associate who gets killed in a shootout with Christopher. Dave. Dave: [52:43] I wasn't sure which mystery show to put him in, whether it was going to be Sherlock, Murder, She Wrote. I eventually settled on Poker Face just so that he can be ghosting the detective in whatever show and then doing his little spiel where he's there in the interrogation. He's like, what? Where? When? And it's just like so aggravating that that ends up being the last sort of straw for the interrogation portion of our mystery story. And then, you know, he actually gets them to give up some information. All right, Tara, who's next? Tara: [53:15] Arnold Horschach, pre-1975, here's my thinking on this. He's generally agreed to be the smartest sweat hog. So I think he's going to want to solve a famous mystery. But being the smartest sweat hog doesn't necessarily mean you're very smart or widely read. So the most famous mystery he can think of is going back to Victorian London to find out who Jack the Ripper really is. Sarah. Dave: [53:38] Wait, how successful do you think he's got to be here? Tara: [53:41] Oh, I, not. Dave: [53:44] I think he starts hyperventilating the first time he sees a crime scene. Especially those grizzly ones. Sarah: [53:50] Yeah. Tara: [53:51] I think he's going to start hyperventilating as soon as he smells the street. Dave: [53:55] That's true. Probably. Tara: [53:56] Sarah. Sarah: [53:57] I had a true crime crackpot arc for someone else, but Horshack has that keener personality that is perfectly suited to appellate law, in my opinion. I think he's going to choose the Scopes Monkey Trial. I don't think it will go well. Ooh, ooh, Yana, Yana. I was going to get old pretty fast, but it might take a My Cousin Vinny turn for him and let him prevail. Probably not. Dave. Dave: [54:21] I am putting him back the day Lincoln was assassinated. I think he would have some idea that he thinks that he can undo that not in history. So he gets to Ford's theater, but he gets way into the play that's actually on the stage. It's called My American Cousin. It's like this Englishman's view of America farce satire thing. And he's sitting next to some American linen magnate or something like that at the theater. And he's talking about all his cousins to this guy like he knows them. He's all excited to tell about his cousin Bobby or whatever and go through all this. And then totally just talks over the point, doesn't realize that he's too late. He's been chatting about my American cousin to this guy. And then somebody pops Lincoln, jumps on the stage and all that and he's like, oh. He's a little sad about that. Alright, Tara, where are we sending him on TV in the future? Tara: [55:18] I think that Horshack thinks He would be great mixing with all the glamorous catfighters on Dynasty. He would want to go there. He would want to hit on Sammy Jo. It would be a disaster, but I think he would like it for a brief period of time. Sarah. Sarah: [55:35] He is recurring on the good fight as one of the wacky judges, and it goes great in his opinion. Tara: [55:43] That's good. Sarah: [55:44] Dave. Dave: [55:45] Well, given his experience with the Lincoln assassination conspiracy, also, I think he has that kind of mind that, you know, is prone to flights of fancy. I think that he would eventually fit in really well at either the X-Files or the Lone Gunman. Tara, third. Tara: [56:01] Freddie Boom Boom Washington. I did not know much about him. but I discovered that one of his storylines on the show involves him working as a radio DJ with a character played by George Carlin. Sarah: [56:12] George Carlin, I saw that too. Tara: [56:14] So I'm going to send him back to the studio the night of Orson Welles' War of the Worlds broadcast. Why not? Sarah: [56:23] Oh, that's good. Tara: [56:24] Sarah? Sarah: [56:25] Yeah, I considered sending him onto that rooftop with the Beatles, but the actor who played Boom Boom Washington did try to make his own musical fetch happen. And as if you were a masked-ass listener, you heard on our Actors Am I Right season, an inoffensive but fairly boring disco-tinged R&B album. So I'm going to send him instead back to Studio A at Motown for the recording session that led to Marvin Gaye's What's Going On. I think that would probably work out fine for him. Boom Boom might try to insert himself into those proceedings, but I think actually the Studio A vibe at that time would have allowed for that to happen in a way that contributed to the track. So that's where he's going. Historical, maybe not, but I think it fits best. Dave. Dave: [57:10] Well, so on the show, he's the outgoing one. He's also a star in the basketball team at the school, in addition to being a successful DJ outside of the school. I concentrated on the sports part of it for my going back in time. He's going all the way back to 15th century Aztec empire. And he's going to be a Yulama player or Yulama player. Tara: [57:32] Yeah, sure. Dave: [57:32] That is the game that you hear about once in a while about the Aztecs play, where it's sort of like they're playing crab soccer, except they don't kick the ball. They sort of smack it with their hips or other parts of their bodies, their shoulder. And it's a bit like racquetball court, but there's also like one hoop up in the wall. And if you manage to get the ball through the hoop, it's like an automatic Blurns ball win. And then the other team's captain is sometimes sacrificed for losing. Anyways, what I'm saying is I think he would bring his natural skills to that arena. And I think because he is so outgoing, that he basically becomes an Aztec sports star, sort of like the David Beckham of that whole arena. And he becomes a Aztec touring sensation and really makes his name. Pinga Yulama. Tara: [58:16] Amazing. Dave: [58:17] Yeah. Fascinating Wikipedia entry. If you want to learn more about this sport, it sounds crazy. All right, Tara, Boom Boom Washington, forward in time from Welcome Back, Carter. What show is he going on? Tara: [58:29] Okay, I'm sorry to be predictable, but he plays basketball. So therefore, I'm putting him on winning times, the best TV job for a tall guy who can play basketball. And no, that does not include running point because he would make all of those alleged basketball players look even shorter than they already do. Chet Hayes. Sarah? Sarah: [58:48] I'm going to make him a judge on the voice. He does prove somewhat divisive because he's always getting into it with Blake Shelton. And then because the reason he's always getting into it with Blake Shelton is that he's literally getting it in with Gwen Stefani. So good for you, boom boom. Dave. Dave: [59:04] I'm going to combine the two things we've been talking about. The basketball team at school, the DJ stuff outside of school. And I assume by the time he appears on news radio, he's got the sports desk thing all sewn up on WNYX. Tara: [59:21] Nice. Dave: [59:22] All right. Last one. Tara, start us up. Tara: [59:25] So we know that Epstein is like kind of a con artist of sorts. So he's going to go to late 19th century Missouri to hook up with the Jesse James gang and possibly steer them away from, you know, strategic decisions that will lead to them getting caught. But also probably not, since I don't assume he remembers much history, nor is he a very strong tactician. Sarah. Sarah: [59:46] It has just occurred to me why I, with no evidence, really, assumed that Epstein was a conspiracy nut or wanted to slot him in there. And it's because of Edward J. Epstein, who is an author in the genre and talks a lot about the inquest of JFK and why it was bungled. Anyway, or I'm just a lunatic. Here's the point. One of these guys has to be a conspiracy nut. I'm electing him. He's going back to Dallas, November 22nd, 1963. Unfortunately, while running towards Abraham Zapruder to help, I guess, he trips over a route to Dealey Plaza- Dave: [1:00:27] Stabilize the camera. Sarah: [1:00:28] Yeah. He trips over a route in Dealey Plaza and fills a full bottle of cell ray on the movie camera. So now we have even less documentary evidence in the murder. But I am hoping that he is interviewed in connection with the book Mortal Error and can get the word out about what really happened. I actually am a crackpot. Tara: [1:00:47] Dave. Dave: [1:00:48] I don't know why, but I just want to see Epstein in ancient Egypt. And I can't really articulate it beyond that. I know there's no real reason why he is into Agent Egypt, but for some reason, a sweat hog in Agent Egypt kind of makes me laugh for some reason. I mean, you know, there's something there. Sarah: [1:01:08] Up your nose with a rubber hose. Dave: [1:01:09] Oh, my God. Up your nose with a rubber hose. Sarah: [1:01:12] To empty out your organs before embalming. Dave: [1:01:17] What show is it? Happy Days. That's spin on it. Is that Fonz's thing? Sarah: [1:01:20] Sit on it. Dave: [1:01:21] Sit on it. Yeah, that and Up Your Nose With Rubber Hose were so of their day. And I could still remember kids on the schoolyard doing it. Sarah: [1:01:30] That's absolutely what a Brooklyn tough guy would say on television. Tara: [1:01:34] I think that the reason you want to see him in ancient Egypt is that his corona of hair would really suit what we see in the pharaoh outfit. Dave: [1:01:44] Yes, it is. Although he is a Puerto Rican Jew, so he's got that going against him for success in Egypt at the time. Tara: [1:01:50] He doesn't have to tell anyone that. Dave: [1:01:51] That's true. Sarah: [1:01:52] That's true. Tara: [1:01:55] So post 1979, I think that Epstein would be confused, but intrigued by the ladies of Broad City. And I think he would want to get in on their whole deal in a sexual way. Sarah. Dave: [1:02:09] Yeah. Sarah: [1:02:10] He plays himself as the fourth lone gunman on X-Files. But then prior to the spinoff is disappeared from the show and from the grid, thus becoming a crackpot topic. his very own self, which is exactly how he'd want it. This is now canon. I will not be taking questions. Dave. Dave: [1:02:27] In the show, he's an artist. There's this one episode where he's painting a mural on the school wall somewhere outside. He's painting a nude Madonna. And the joke is like, you just see her sort of like the top of her torso and her head and the rest of it's around the wall, all the nudie bits. So that's how they present it. So we know he likes painting and he's got that hair. So I'm going to ask him to substitute for Bob Ross on The Joy of Painting. Sarah: [1:02:53] Ooh. Dave: [1:02:54] I love that. When Bob Ross, and we all know we wanted to, really wanted to go on a cocaine bender, but didn't have the time because he was always asked to do that show. He couldn't let his hair down. Epstein comes in, does a month's worth of show. Bob Ross can, like, straighten the hair, go out, just get fucking hammered, and nobody sees him for a month, and he's back and he's all recharged. He's ready to do more Joy of Painting. Tara: [1:03:15] Yep. Dave: [1:03:16] Yep. Tara: [1:03:17] Okay. Dave: [1:03:19] Well, that is it for this episode of Extra, Extra Hot Great. We tried where whatever the fuck you... No, it's not what it's called. It's dirty. Buy you a cookie. We tried where what the F you want on for size for answering your burning ass ESG questions like what's the next big emergency that Dr. Odyssey is going to have to face. Sarah gave us the gift of the first tiny foul-mouthed brat cannon. We celebrated those who weren't quite the best and worst of the week and wrapped it all up with a look at time-traveling sweat dogs. Next up on EHG Prime, it's the Four Seasons. Remember. We're listening. I am David T. Cole, and on behalf of Tara Ariano. Tara: [1:04:14] Sarah, we never even talked about how one of the outfits they put Jess in in is totally the Brenda Kelly spring dance dress. Dave: [1:04:22] And Sarah D. Bunting. Sarah: [1:04:24] Oh! Dave: [1:04:26] Okay. Thanks for listening. And we'll see you next time right here on Extra, Extra Hot Great. How are you feeling? We want to hear all.