Getting Our Bearings On Roller Jam

Dave: [0:02] Do you know what's better than the tribute to the omelet-eating scene on the hit dance team competition show Roller Jam? Why, it's McCain's deep and delicious cake. From freezer to your mouth in 15 seconds, it's stem to stern the easiest and most mouth-wateringly tasty confectionery money can buy. Dave: [0:37] This is the Extra Extra Hot Great Podcast, episode 320 for the October 12, 2024 weekend. I am vampire backstreet boy David T. Cole, and I'm here with single digit technique scorer Sarah D. Bunting. a man died and dj and dj first thought tara ariano. Tara: [1:05] Dj ari spins. Dave: [1:11] Sorry i didn't read it ahead of time did i fuck that one up sarah did i. Tara: [1:14] Need originally it was score with an h yeah she she edited it i. Sarah: [1:18] That that was wrong because. Tara: [1:21] That was before i'd watched the show and i was like did someone say it wrong like i thought it was a reference to something Okay. Dave: [1:27] So that was a silly mistake, but we're going to roll with it. Sarah: [1:29] No, sorry. A teenage cat walked across the keyboard and... Got it. Dave: [1:35] Let's just roll with it, as it were, for this episode. But before we get into the rolling and the jamming, let's do some pod business up top. Two items for you today, dear listeners. One, we are making a change to the next milestone in our campaign. But Mademoiselle Caroline had to beg out of her doing some sort of TV report. We don't know what's going to replace it yet, but we just wanted to let you know that that is in the mix. And number two, we have the cannon fodder in action on the show. You've already heard it, but you're already asking about how you put your submissions in for the cannon fodder. So here are some quick guidelines until we can actually get something concrete on the site for you to read. Yes, you can submit cannon fodder submissions. Yes, you can create the category in which they belong. You should keep them much shorter than your regular canon submissions. Otherwise, the canon submission guidelines are on the site extrahotgreat.com. Hit the submissions link and read about it there. And with that, Tara, what do we got this week on Extra Extra Hot Great? Tara: [2:38] We're talking about Rollerjam. Guys, we've seen skills-based competition shows for singers, models, dancers, drag queens, chefs, bakers, fashion designers, furniture designers, makeup artists, hairstylists, divers, survivalists, potters, and glassblowers. Why not roller skaters? I assume that's what Chip and Joanna Gaines thought, because Rollerjam has come to max via the Magnolia Network. Crews of four or five roller skaters glide on to perform choreographed routines to the music of a different decade each week. Permanent judges Terrell Ferguson, an original soul-trained dancer and roller skating legend, and former Olympic figure skater Johnny Weir are joined in each episode by a different guest judge and Jordan Sparks, a past competition show winner herself, hosts as the teams get winnowed down. Ultimately, one will win $150,000 and a donation to their local roller rink. Only one episode has dropped so far. We got access to the first four. We won't spoil outcomes from later episodes if they come up. I know two people who aren't going to talk about those. Let's do the Chen check-in. Should our listeners watch Roller Jam? Sarah? Sarah: [3:50] No, but. Tara: [3:52] Okay, Dave. Dave: [3:54] In solidarity with Tara, I'm going to go from a no, who cares to a no, this is an outrage. Tara: [4:00] Yes. And we'll get into why. Considering that I am the person on this panel who watched all of America's best, excuse me, Randy Jackson presents America's best dance crew. That is saying something. Dave: [4:13] Here it is. Tara: [4:14] So let's get into it. The problem with a show like this is immediately apparent by the end of the first episode. And it is if you're casting for an extremely niche skill, you're going to find a bunch of crews that are pretty good. And then a couple that are on a whole other level. That's what we get in the first episode. The first four crews, all pretty good, pretty impressive. And then Skate Gravity from Las Vegas comes out with their like stunt performers and circus performers. And they close up the episode just blowing the rest of the stage off in a way that felt actually kind of unfair. Dave, was this your experience as well? Dave: [4:54] Yes, absolutely. There was quite the range of skills to be seen between five teams that we see in the first episode. They roll out one at a time. They do their two-minute performance. And then the last two teams are put together for an elimination dance. That's the format. Tara: [5:09] The bottom two, yeah. Dave: [5:10] The Vegas team definitely was like they're older yeah so they had that sort of working for them and I suppose possibly against them but that's what a leave is for and they just like were at another level they were doing like Vegas-y Cirque du Soleil-ish stuff and the other teams just weren't and at the other end of it there is one team that's like we only have the time to get together maybe like once a month to practice and they'd showed they were in sync. They weren't really hitting their dance moves in a way that seemed integrated with the rest of what was going on. Like there were teams that sort of like danced around a bit, stopped, did a move, and then continued dancing around the rink. And like, even when I can do that criticism as some guy who doesn't know how to dance, you're probably in trouble. So just the disparity in the first episode was like, maybe the scene isn't developed enough to really have this show because once that last team came out, you're like, all right, I could just turn this off now. I know who went. Tara: [6:13] Yeah, absolutely. And for them to get an 87 and then the Lone Stars of Texas to get an 85 when they were like, fine, it was kind of hilarious. Dave: [6:20] But anyway, that's the other problem is that they were scoring as they were going along. Tara: [6:24] Right. Dave: [6:25] And you can do that when you're a seasoned, say, Olympics figure skating judge and you know what you're doing. But when you're three judges making it up as you go along and you're like, well, that seemed pretty good. I don't know, 82. And then like the biggest team was like, oh shit. According to my scale, I should score them at 149 and I can't. That's why you get these scores. So like it wasn't really thought through enough. Tara: [6:50] Yes. Sarah, you were nodding. You agree. Sarah: [6:51] Yeah, I absolutely agree. I mean, the disparity between or among the various teams isn't all that off-putting to me on its own. Because the fact is that one team that like, it's just a bunch of dudes who work nine to fives or like, you know, warehouse shift jobs, and they meet every week or two. They're pretty fucking good, given that this isn't their like, actual job, basically. Sarah: [7:17] So that wasn't the problem alone. It was that what I kept coming back to was like, I mean, first of all like jordan sparks is fine she's a good host good energy for this like a lot of competition shows like there's a lot of fucking dead air and unsuspenseful suspense moments in it it should have probably been like 35 minutes long yeah the problem that i was having just like across the board was that is that i have no context for why certain comments are being made in the crit, why some people whose synchronization looked like it was falling out of phase more than the next team, they get gigged for it and the next team doesn't. We weren't being given enough context as to how various tricks are done. How hard is it to stay in sync? What are the surfaces on that? I just didn't feel like I knew enough for the critique to be meaningful and for there to be suspense about like whatever you missed a salchow like when you watch figure skating once every four years on tv at the olympics people like johnny weir who is a fucking delight as always love that guy. Sarah: [8:29] But like he and Tara are able to give you some context for what you're seeing. This is how roughed up the ice is. This is how difficult the Sal Chow is if you're, you know, working on a sprained ankle. There was none of that here. And it's like all of this is like equally impressive. Like no one's bleeding. Great day at the office for all the roller jammers. As far as I'm concerned. Dave: [8:52] There was a couple of moments where the non roller skater judges for asking the roller skater guy what he meant when he said something as the dance was actually happening and he's trying to give some color commentary or he's just getting cited about something. So like just at the base level that there wasn't some sort of pre-show agreement that like this is generally how it needs to go and there needs to be some context for what you say and all that was actually happening not only on the floor, but after the edit was kind of telling. So it seemed like a rush job. Tara: [9:24] One of the moments like that is Terrell says, like, you were hitting them on the snares. And Johnny's like, is that a move? He's like, no, like the snare drum in the song. Like, if you don't have a common language for this, this is what you should have been doing at, like, orientation. You know what I mean? Like, if there are terms that he needs to learn, he should have learned them before he got in front of the camera. Dave: [9:49] And Sarah's absolutely right. This is definitely a show that would have been so much better if it was a half an hour instead of an hour. Like, can we just agree as a culture, as TV watchers, that the old and busted format is here's the backstory behind this team that you're going to know for 20 seconds as they do the performance and get voted off at the end of the show. Or even if it's the team that everybody loves because they are head and shoulders above the rest. Who cares? we just want to see them dance and just give them like two seconds after they dance to like praise God or whatever the hell they want to do and that's it just go straight to the dancing please, It just didn't feel like the level of competition was as high as you would see on Randy Jackson presents America's Best Dance Crew or Legendary or whatever. Like it just didn't seem like a lot of these people are at the top of their game. And when there's a show that presents itself like this, that's what you expect. They'll do routines and there'll be some like shimmying around the rink and like skating backwards and moving their ass around just for like the motion lines of it all. And then they get into like the things they get you the points, right? The flips and the carries and all that kind of stuff. But even before that, in between the moves, sometimes they're out of sync. And that should be like absolutely flawless, I think, for like this kind of thing. If you're just skating around the rink and you're not in sync, that's pretty bad. And I know there's jitters and everything like that, but that didn't really present that way. It just presented as it was too early for this show. Sarah: [11:15] Yeah. No, I mean, you could be right. I think there's a bunch of problems here. that you can have like one of them and I would keep watching. But yeah, I think that Dave's right. And it was not, the scene is not baked enough or the idea isn't, I'm not sure. Tara: [11:30] Yeah. I mean, even the costuming seemed shabby to me. Like if I'm noticing that four of your guys have like boots on your skates and the fifth one doesn't, they have like hot pink laces or whatever. Like the basic, you should all match. Like if I'm watching your feet and that's a major part of what you're doing, like put some attention into that might. Dave: [11:51] Be that might be a roller culture thing though right your skates are yourself you know the skates are an expression of blah blah. Tara: [11:56] You're right that that could be true and if that is the case put that in the show because that's interesting yeah. Dave: [12:02] Yeah yeah absolutely. Tara: [12:03] But when the the hot wheels came out from venice beach and did their thing to want to be and they were you know there's even though there's only four of them they dressed up as the spice girls and by the way if you can do four i mean i guess they did drop the one who quit that was Ginger so that's fine but the one who was supposed to be sporty is in like eggplant colored shirt and like slate blue adidas pants and it's like how about some fucking pizzazz like you look depressed you know what i mean like put some primary colors into this make it seem like you care and not like you just rolled off the couch to come here leaving a you know a pint of ice cream next to it because this is sad speaking of whom terrell ferguson i don't know if you refused makeup because you're a dude or whatever but like he also looked like they just woke him up from a nap like he he looked real rough he just rolled in yeah i guess he did roll in dave already brought it up so i'll say the show that that i was outraged by the comparison is legendary which was the wonderful drag ball show that was also on max for two or three seasons i forget well. Dave: [13:10] That's the thing it's the same network. Tara: [13:11] It's the same it's the same network a But. Dave: [13:14] It's so apparent that it was the better show. And it's basically the same show, right? It had all the same beats of the competition. The format is the same. The judging is the same. It's just gone from, what do they call it? Ball. Tara: [13:28] Ballroom. Dave: [13:29] Ballroom to roller dance or whatever you call it. Roller jams. Tara: [13:33] Yeah. Dave: [13:33] The only difference is this plays better across four quadrants, if you know what I mean. And none of that dicey stuff. Tara: [13:40] Yes. Dave: [13:40] I mean, and it's like they canceled that and then just basically brought it back as this lesser form is a real kick in the teeth to everybody that worked on legendary. Tara: [13:50] And not just cancel that it's yanked off the platform. You can't watch it anymore by legitimate means. Sarah: [13:55] I have a solution to all of our problems in all of these regards, ruler jam. I retire. Dave: [14:38] Remember Coink, Tara? Tara: [14:40] No. Dave: [14:40] You know what Coink is? Oh. When we were in Iceland for Dan Rogge's wedding, there is a grocery store there called Bonus. I don't know if it's pronounced differently in Iceland. Tara: [14:50] Bonus. Dave: [14:50] But they have a really weird off-model looking cartoon pig mascot. And just because he looks so strange, I conjectured that he could not say oink. He can only say Coink. Tara: [15:02] Coink. Yes. Now I remember. Dave: [15:05] Look it up. Bonus supermarket, Iceland. I'm sure their mascot is the same. I loved it so much, I made my own shirt. And I think I might remake it because it was great. All right, everybody, let's deal with last week's Ask Ask EASG question. It came from Elsus, who wanted a fantasy cast of the upcoming Extra Hot Great miniseries. Tara, what do you have for us? Tara: [15:26] Well, I'm assuming they would want to start this miniseries at the time that we actually founded the site. So I went with someone who is the age now that I was then. And that person is Emma Canney from Shameless and the Conners. She's taller than I am, but she is like me, a big boob icon. And if they decide to wait five years, I'm going to give it to Maisie Stella because she's only 20. But she's also Canadian, the star of My Old Ass. sidebar go see my old ass wonderful lovely movie and. Dave: [15:58] Sarah what do you. Sarah: [15:59] I mean i always go with angie harman because she's tall she has brown hair she has a deep voice we don't really look that much alike like we both have noses but it's close enough i don't feel like i can have ellison janey i could touch the hem of ellison janey's garment so i'm gonna go with angie harman All right. Dave: [16:20] Let's get to your answers. First one is from Beezor Laura. She went with Frisky Dingo theme for hers. Sarah is Killface, dude, who has no time for this bullshit demeanor. Tara is Darcelle Jones. Darcelle Jones from Teen Jaguar, because they feel like Darcelle Jones would swoop in to destroy everyone at game time. And me, I'm all the exticles. yeah i'll really say i also could be simon pushing a bowl of cereal off the counter just to piss off sarah. Sarah: [16:51] This is why we can't go back to arizona dave. Dave: [16:53] Yeah oh my god 13 sarah has to be b arthur with a blowout no contest for dave is burt reynolds he would aberrily capture the absolute unhinged laughter we are treated to and we lose dave, And Tara is played by Catherine Hahn. She would do the competitive game time nature justice. Special guest appearance by Patricia Arquette as Pammy and Busy Phillips as Joe. Sarah: [17:18] Oh, love that. Dave: [17:20] Steel Mill Eric. Instead of actors, he's casting with TV characters. Dave is Clem Fandango. I don't like that one at all. Tara is President Laura Roslin from Battlestar Galactica. Sarah is Sarah Bunting from Downton Abbey. Tara: [17:35] Sure. Dave: [17:35] Special guest, the Fug Girls. They are the brother sisters from Only Murders in the Building. Sarah: [17:40] Yes. Dave: [17:41] And also Adam Grossworth is here. He is Charles Nelson Reilly. Okay. But our winner this week is Anne with four E's. Anne writes, My extra hot great miniseries would be set in the future. And with Senra around our gang pivoting to a Only Murders in the Building style podcast. But instead of investigating crimes, they are obsessing over a conspiracy theory. The new podcast is called Everyone on Dr. Fuckboat is Secretly a Vampire because Pacey is literally not aging. I'm not a crackpot. The merch is a little wordy, but it's a hit. That was part of the same line as the sentence, so I'm including it as part of the title. The merch is a little wordy, but it's a hit is the end of the title of that podcast. Tara: [18:24] Yep. Dave: [18:24] We have, as Sarah, Allison Janney. As Tara, Julia Louis-Dreyfus. and as me, Richard Kind, which I also don't like, even though I really like Richard Kind, but I understand why you put it in there. Cameos, Sarah Baker as herself, vampiric ally of Pacey and company, which I really enjoyed. The shocking twist will be the reveal that Dave was turned into a vampire by a Don Johnson henchman during the wash party for a season 20 of Dr. Fuffboat. And there would be a montage of every time Kine did a tune receding cough to cover up him actually making the Dracula blah sound. Tara: [19:05] Yeah. Dave: [19:06] So for that opus, we were giving Anne with four E's the win. I just want to put in a word in here for Seth, who cast me as Ian Gomez, which I kind of enjoyed because that guy is the delight. Tara: [19:18] Oh, you could do worse. Dave: [19:19] For sure. I could do worse. I don't think it's good casting. I don't think it's app casting, but I enjoyed it. I'm not a nice man. All right. Let's get to your questions for us this week. Our first one does come actually from Anne with an E, who should be going in Discord DMs and hitting me up for your sticker. They write, what item or category of item do you lose track of most easily, Tara? Tara: [19:41] Before yesterday, I would have said none. But then yesterday, I took my glasses off somewhere other than my desk, and I temporarily lost track of them. They were in the bedroom. I also need to choose a place to put the TV and Apple TV remotes when I'm at my spot on the couch, because I spend a lot of time doing this, patting the back of it, because it's somewhere over there, and I don't always put them in the same exact spot. and I just need to decide. The problem is the Apple TV remote, it's so small. It's so small. Sarah: [20:09] It is wee. Tara: [20:10] And my spot on the couch is like right at a split in the pieces of the sectional. And I'm always afraid it's going to fall through. Dave: [20:18] Get a tennis ball, cut a slot in it, and then stick the Apple TV remote in it. Tara: [20:23] Yeah. Dave: [20:24] So it can never go anywhere. Sarah: [20:25] Now, Velcro on the surface at the back so that they always stick in the same place. Dave: [20:30] Yeah, but that means you remember to stick it. Tara: [20:32] Yeah. Am I crazy, though? I feel like I've seen something that's like basically just a case for an Apple TV remote to make it bigger so that you don't lose it. Dave: [20:41] I think they have cases that you can also integrate an Apple tag with it. So it's like a case that also has a spot for an Apple tag. So when you do lose it, you can make it make a noise. Sarah: [20:51] Yeah. Dave: [20:51] Which should be built in, frankly. Tara: [20:53] Yeah. Sarah: [20:54] The car key in the car. Now that it is no longer required by modern life for you to put a key into an ignition slot, I try to be consistent with where I put it down once I get in the car, but this varies depending on if someone else is in the front seat with me, whether that someone is human or canine, are there two drinks in the cup holders, otherwise it has to go somewhere else, and then I'll put it in the armrest and forget about it. I don't always remember to turn the car off anymore, either. Like the car will remind me it'll be like, hey, senile, maybe hit the button. But I understand why this innovation was innovated. But for me, it's not as good as like having a physical key that you put in a slot. Anyway, that is my answer. But dishonorable mention to the number of times that I've been storming through the house near tears, unable to find the glasses that were traveling upon my head. Hate it. Dave: [21:54] Dave. Patience. Mike, aka Excitement Mike, what is the spookiest holiday that isn't Halloween? Sarah. Sarah: [22:04] I don't know. Do you find trees spooky? I mean, this isn't really spooky, but when you sort of pause and think about what Memorial Day is, that's spooky exactly. Just kind of elegiac in feeling in a possibly analogous way. But I don't think other holidays are really spooky. And even Halloween isn't all that spooky because now it goes on for three months. Dave. Dave: [22:29] Are you saying that there's only so much spookiness and it has to be stretched across three months now. It's not more spookiness, it's just diluted. Sarah: [22:37] Yeah, we're doing more spooky with less. Dave: [22:41] I'm going to go with either Christmas or Easter. It's all about the world's most famous and revered zombie, and it has to be number two. Tara? Tara: [22:50] Yeah, one of the most famous Christmas stories is all about ghosts, so my pick is Christmas. And the way that Christmas decor has become sort of aesthetically associated with Victorian times means it's also very easy to make that iconography seemed dark. And there's a whole category of horror movies set at Christmas, Gremlins, Krampus, The Lodge, et cetera. Sarah: [23:10] So yeah, Christmas is my- Santa's sleigh ride. Tara: [23:13] Santa's sleigh, S-L-A-Y. A killer Christmas. That's more of a detective story than a horror story, but it's got a murder in it. So yeah, here's some of these. Again with again with this in December, but yes, Christmas is my non-intuitive pick. Dave: [23:29] Diatho has our next question. Now that Abbott Elementary, and It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia are doing a crossover. What other shows set in the same city location should do their own crossover? I have a few here. I'm going with Dexter and Miami Vice. Frasier and iZombie. Charmed and Monk. House of Cards and the West Wing. Tara: [23:53] Yep. Dave: [23:54] Thin out there ranks a bit. Tara: [23:55] Sure. Dave: [23:56] Friday Night Lights and 9-1-1 Lone Star. There's a finale. Tara: [24:01] Oh, yeah. Dave: [24:01] And this is us and Mr. Belvedere take place in the same city. So now we know what killed dad for real. Tara: [24:10] Which is what? What is it? Philadelphia? They're also Philadelphia? Dave: [24:13] Pittsburgh. No, they're Pittsburgh. Somewhere up there. Tara: [24:16] My answer is if somebody somewhere's Sam Miller of Manhattan, Kansas, ever had to stop to pee and get a coffee in Smallville, Kansas, those people would learn what a real super woman is. Sarah. Sarah: [24:29] The bear and the league. when the bear goes back to being a sandwich shop like God and Mikey intended. The league can do its draft there. Universe, hear my cry. Dave: [24:40] Millsnack has art. Next question. How are you spending your future MacArthur Genius Grant? And what will you have won it for? Tara: [24:51] I will endow a chair at UT Austin to teach Photoshop, and I will use my winnings for my outstanding achievement in GIF creation. Dave. Dave: [25:02] I win it for finally getting all of mankind to unite behind the show name S number dot E number method of presenting episode metadata. And I will spend it on chocolate. Tara: [25:16] Sure. Sarah: [25:18] My neighbor Aaron and I will be sharing a grant in the field of cylindrical snack innovation, many variations of and uses for the tater tot, tot shows, tot sushi. You get the idea. And we'll be spending it on R&D in the form of tots. Tara: [25:35] Nice. Dave: [25:36] Beez or Laura is back and they are asking, what casting were you furious about? Furious. When it was announced and then wound up liking the performance. Sarah? Tara: [25:45] I had an answer for you before I thought of one for myself. So I'm curious to know if you're going to say it. Sarah: [25:51] This happens a lot in the field of true crime. It was really actually hard for me to narrow one down. So I had an answer for Tara, but I shoved it to the side because it wasn't like. Dave: [26:04] The polite chipmunks. No, no, no, no. I can't possibly know. Sarah: [26:08] You answer. Tara: [26:09] I can't possibly. Dave: [26:10] Just get to the fucking answers. Sarah: [26:11] Hashtag polite fights. Mine is going to be Jessica Biel. I wasn't like enraged that she was playing Candy Montgomery in one of the Candy Montgomery prestige miniseries, but I was actually really surprised that she was good. Same goes for a glee person in American Crime Story season two. Darren Criss, I had like came out of nowhere for me and was outstanding as Andrew Cunanan, perfect casting. So maybe the lesson here is lowered expectations are fun for Buncee. But yeah, that's my answer. And did not say Joshua Jackson as a sweaty, paunchy fuckstain and Dr. Death. Because I thought Tara might, Tara might want to reserve that one. Tara, what was your answer for me? Tara: [27:02] Wasn't on TV, but it was when they cast Gillian Anderson in House of Mirth. Sarah: [27:07] Oh, yeah, I considered that one because it was a lot of TV people. But actually, Dan Aykroyd was the one that I was like how dare you and then he was really good they all were. Tara: [27:19] For my own answer, it's hard. I generally stay mad. But I will say, and this came up a little bit when we talked about The Penguin a few weeks ago, obviously, I think Colin Farrell is a very good actor. He's good in that role. But there are other good actors who are a closer physical match to the character of The Penguin that would not have had to be in makeup for five hours. And God knows those people have a hard enough time getting cast without hot people taking their jobs for no good reason. So that's my answer. Dave: [27:48] Is you're like it if you know there's somebody hot underneath? Tara: [27:51] You know, like, it's just. Dave: [27:55] Sorry, Brendan Gleeson. Tara: [27:57] Right. Dave: [27:58] Colin Farrell's here. Tara: [27:59] Right. Or, you know, no offense, but like Paul Giamatti or someone, I know he's too old, but like there are, my point is there are chubby actors. Like, find one. It's not hard. Sarah: [28:09] Yeah. Dave: [28:10] Well, I don't know if I would say I get furious about casting in the way that this question wants me to be, but I will remind everybody, nobody thought Bryan Cranston was going to do anything in Breaking Bad, given his priors prior to Breaking Bad. And he obviously knocked that one out of the park. So easy answer, but we'll throw it out there. Homelander in the comic, The Boys, looks like Howie Long. Remember Howie Long? Tara: [28:36] Uh-huh. Sarah: [28:37] Yeah, sure. Dave: [28:38] Or that Boz guy, Bosworth something. Sarah: [28:42] Brian Bosworth. Dave: [28:42] Brian Bosworth, yeah. He looks basically like he's smushed those two guys together. So when, I don't think people got Anthony Starr as Homelander when they announced the boys, because he isn't like this giant brick house of a human being, but he is Homelander now. Tara: [28:56] Oh, yeah. Dave: [28:56] He's the best part of that show. Like, he is so good at it. And he is obviously not a crazy deranged individual. So he brought it and now he is Homelander. Tara: [29:07] I mean, we hope. We don't really know that much about him, honestly. Dave: [29:10] And I think everyone from The Last of Us, a show that I didn't keep with, but I think everybody was mad at that show. When I say everybody, I mean everybody played the video game because video game people are terrible. And because whoever they cast didn't look exactly like the person from the video games because people that complain about video game stuff have absolutely zero imagination and are generally idiots. putting it out there yeah i'm gonna put that in there because people that played the game ended up liking the show a lot but they were also very mad at it because how dare they of course how dare they do whatever they did. Tara: [29:45] Wasn't there also a category of people who were like why wouldn't you just cast the voice actor where it's like that's not how. Dave: [29:52] That's not how it works there's a lot of that goes on yeah like especially if it's like um like a star wars thing that started it off in animation. It's like, well, you should just have so-and-so. Like, they are 30 years too old and the wrong gender. Like, there's so much going on here, like, that you can't put on a screen. So, yeah, it's crazy. Yeah. All right, let's move on to Pickles, our favorite Vulcan Pickler. What's more embarrassing, accidentally liking your own post or comment or using a completely inappropriate emoji on someone else's posts, but thinking that it's a good choice. I think it's the latter because no one but you is peeping your likers enough to make a dent in this perception. So it's got to be the one where you're going out to somebody else's stuff where they actually give a shit. Nobody gives a shit what people are saying about you. They only care about what you're saying about them. Tara: [30:43] That's right. Dave: [30:44] Sarah. Sarah: [30:45] I mean, the first thing, actually, I guess, because it sounds to me like the second thing is done out of obliviousness. If it's a completely inappropriate emoji, but you think it's a good choice, then you're not embarrassed. Dave: [30:58] Yeah, but what if somebody, you thought somebody liked eggplant? Tara: [31:00] Right. Dave: [31:02] And then you stick the eggplant. You know what I like to put in my mouth? Eggplant. Sarah: [31:06] Okay. Dave: [31:07] You just made an embarrassing. Sarah: [31:08] All right. But like, it's an Instagram post. that's like, my beloved cat eggplant passed away today at the age of 17. And then you put an eggplant emoji and you think that that's appropriate. Like, I think it's actually not totally inappropriate because the cat is named eggplant. But if you think that's right, you're not embarrassed. Do you see what I mean? Tara: [31:26] I do see what you mean. Sarah: [31:28] I also don't give a shit about accidentally liking my own post. I'll just unlike it. I'm not that popular. No one's looking. Tara: [31:34] Exactly. I. Dave: [31:35] Assume that it was brought to your attention in both of these scenarios. Tara: [31:38] Okay right. Sarah: [31:39] That you are. Dave: [31:40] Now aware of the choices you made in context. Sarah: [31:43] Oh that's like their cat died and you put a dick emoji okay. Tara: [31:48] I guess that one. Sarah: [31:49] But also i don't care don't name your cat eggplant then. Tara: [31:54] Right that's that was my sidebar question how many people do you think in this year are like naming their cat their pets eggplant like either as a reference to the emoji or just because they have no idea that or their cat is. Dave: [32:08] Called eggplant emoji. Tara: [32:09] Oh my god that would be so funny that would be formerly richard unfortunately that has to be our next pet's name yes it's. Dave: [32:21] Not funny it's cruel. Tara: [32:22] Eggplant emoji well you wouldn't save the whole name it would only come up when they're at the vet and then the vet tech would be like their middle name nobody uses yeah all. Dave: [32:31] Right our last question is just for sarah it comes from darren what are your favorite tv shows or episodes about baseball feel free to use this as a launching point to celebrate the mets victories so i'll. Sarah: [32:45] Take the second part first first of all charge second of all i do not care to jinx the metropolitan baseball club it has been a really fun ride so far, though. So good luck to everybody. Let's fucking go bats. I actually delivered an academic conference keynote on the fact that baseball shows don't work. And why I will not bore you, but it is available as a Word document if you want it. The basic idea is baseball and acting are both really hard. And it's very difficult to find anyone who can do both. I probably was unfair to that show pitch, but if they hadn't tried to get the main characters together romantically, I might have been nicer to it because they shouldn't have done that. I'm told I would like Brockmire. Haven't sampled it. It's really more of a media show. Anyway, here's my actual answer. The X-Files, The Unnatural is best in class for single episodes about baseball, in my opinion, but very close second, The Simpsons softball episode, of course. Dave: [33:46] Way bugs. Goes down smooth. Dr. Calhoun has your Ask Ask EHG question for you guys to answer, and it is a recommendation question. Dr. Calhoun writes, I've always liked the more sociological reality shows like PBS's Frontier House, where people try to live like pioneers or perhaps early real world or pre-reworked Big Brother U.S. So the question is, are there any of these less drama focused reality shows still around that I, Dr. Calhoun, can watch? So if you have a suggestion for that criteria, you, dear listeners, should be going on our Discord server to the Ask Ask ESG channel and plopping in your answer for Dr. Calhoun there. Dr. Calhoun will pick the winner. Tara: [34:36] Oh. Dave: [34:37] Yes, that is, if he doesn't, then I'll pick it. But he should. Tara: [34:40] Well, everyone has to hurry up because we're taping this episode on Tuesday. All right. Get on the stick. Dave: [34:46] Be quick about it. Tara: [34:47] Yep. Dave: [34:50] It is time for Cannon Fodder. What are we in for this episode, Tara? Tara: [34:55] Well, it's still October, so we're going to do another Halloween segment. Dave: [34:59] And deal with it, Sarah. Tara: [35:01] For people who don't know, three of the five seasons of Key and Peele ran episodes during the month of October, and all three of those included a special episode made up of horror-themed sketches, such as a spoof of the Lost Boys and a reunion between members of a human centipede. In the last Halloween episode, season four, episode six, which aired October 29th, 2014, one sketch is called Hall of Mirrors. The premise is simple. A serial killer named Carlo, played by Jordan Peele, has hidden in the titular location and a detective, played by Keegan-Michael Key, has to apprehend him. Here is why I think it belongs in our Halloween segment canon. Number one, it is legitimately creepy. Maybe it's just legitimately creepy to me, a person who, as a child in Regina Hold for Giggles, got lost in a maze of mirrors at Buffalo Days, our annual late summer carnival. Tara: [35:58] But i have to imagine that even people who have well-adjusted adult feelings about tombola attractions can at least at first forget this is a comedy show and let the foreboding score and keys straight face performance convince them that we're in the third act of a psychological thriller because it is shot that way speaking of how it's shot number two the staging is seamless i think we all remember where we were when we saw the losa spooky scene in which tati anna fabrega got hired to take photos for a mirror catalog, putting herself and her camera in every shot. Filming a scene like this has to be an absolute technical nightmare, but I barely think about that as I'm watching it. It is so well shot and effectively staged that I just get caught up in the scene. Shout out to Peter Atencio, who I think directed definitely this episode and like almost every other episode of the show. Number three, the payoff pays off. Naturally, Carlo's purpose in hiding in the Hall of Mirrors is to confuse the detective as to where he is and taunt him when he points his gun in the wrong direction. But eventually, the detective does locate the real Carlo, clip one. Tara: [37:20] The whoo-whoo-whoo is when the detective gets his gun a little closer to Carlo's face than he had apparently planned on. But in the tradition of confident idiots throughout comedy history, Carlo refuses to admit he has been bested. Clip two. Tara: [38:19] Though peel has the more cartoonish role as carlo the way key plays the detective's fed up irritation at carlo's attempts to delay apprehension while waving his gun back and forth closer and closer to carlo's face as you can hear with the stammers in that clip it's one of my favorite moments in the scene so in order to get carlo to tell him the location of the last living victim the detective plays along claiming that no he can't really be sure that the Carlo he just shot in the leg and whose lapel he is holding is definitely the real criminal and not his reflection. The detective takes off to recover the girl, leaving the badly wounded Carlo with his many reflections. Clip three. Sarah: [39:09] This segment. Tara: [39:11] Earns my highest compliment saying it is so stupid i hope you. Sarah: [39:16] Agree and. Tara: [39:17] Induct it into our halloween segment canon. Sarah: [39:19] Um i loved this like every other key and peel sketch i've ever interacted with for the show it has a deep knowledge of what it's satirizing and it gets in and out in exactly the right amount of time. It's not too short. It's not too long. It makes sure that you get a full sense of how many times you've seen this scene played straight in Hollywood thrillers and movies and TV. It gives you all of the like classic lines of dialogue that you would hear that just sound like they're from a whatever thriller script bot. And then it starts tweaking them a little? Like, does my ass look big in this jumpsuit is something that Carlo says about like, I think he's in prison attire. And then it really starts accelerating the parody. Sarah: [40:11] Then the detective loses patience, shoots him, and then they're done, like he leaves. But I mean, how many times have you heard like, where's the, you know, where's the girl? God damn it, tell me where the girl is, and all of these others and like the, you know, mirror and like they there's two fake outs, and then he shoots the mirror and then there's another chase portion of the scene like there is absolutely flawless a flawless ear for the timing of these scenes and then you can really never see another one again like it has ruined these scenes for everybody but then the delivery is so so funny like i'm holding your lapel like that just absolute impatient delivery from keegan michael key is perfect. Yeah, this is a great submission. Sarah: [40:58] And it made me want to go back and like make a list of like, how many times has this happened? Because it just feels like it's every other movie for like 30 years. So excellent job from them and excellent job by you picking this segment. I think it's very good. Dave. Dave: [41:13] Yeah, it gave me Dirty Harry vibes. I think, I don't know if they ever did a Hall of Mirrors thing in Dirty Harry, but they definitely did it in that era of movie making. And it felt... Sarah: [41:23] And there were like seven Dirty Harry movies. I always forget that. Dave: [41:27] Yeah. To that end, do you remember me talking recently about how when there's a parody of something that's supposed to be serious, but they're making like a, you know, a funny comedic trailer about it or something like that, like a scary movie or something like that. You can always tell in the first second that it's not quite right and it's going to be something funny done a little bit off and it's not quite pitch perfect for what they're parroting this gets much closer to to the original take on it which is why it works so much better than that kind of stuff like it's slightly winky but it's also more played straight that is something keen peel did pretty much consistently like they spent more and paid more attention to the details of that sort of thing and we see a Jordan Peele's horror bonafies here coming out, you know, before we knew. Sarah: [42:12] Totally. Dave: [42:13] The one thing that Tara didn't put in here I thought was super funny is at a certain point, he gets shot in the leg as the detective is just demonstrating that, no, in fact, you are real and you are here in front of me. And he's like, oh, and then he like recovers for a second and goes, you know, he's making a fake mirror shattering sound. Now, why would you shoot a mirror? Tara: [42:37] I had that as a possible outro. Dave: [42:39] We might hear it later. We might hear it later. Tara: [42:42] Okay, good. Dave: [42:44] It's one joke, peppered a few different ways, but it's exactly the right length. I wanted more, just a little bit more, and that's the length it should be, just before you get sick of it. So, great choice, Tara. Key and Peele, bringing it on this one for sure. Let's put this the official vote. Sarah D. Bunding, what do you say? Is this worthy to go into the Halloween segment canon? Sarah: [43:06] Absolutely. Dave: [43:07] Me too. Dave: [43:14] That means that. Hall of Mirrors from Key & Peele Season 4, Episode 6, Scariest Movie Ever. You're inducted into the Halloween Site Mechanic. Dave: [43:33] All right, let's get to the not quite winners and losers of the week. Our first not quite winner is Monarch, a legacy of monsters. Season two is ramping up and they're adding praise Amber Midthunder to the cash, playing some sort of CEO big wig or something like that. Possibly of Monarch, possibly of some sort of Monarch competitor. Who's to say? We won't find out for a while, but that's great. She was really great in Prey and looking forward to that. also not quite winner is you, dear listeners, because there is a lot of Lanterns news in the rundown, and I just want to be thanked for not picking any of that and making a lot of fun of the just general premise of the Green Lantern universe, because it's really dumb, and I'm happy for you if you like it and you like all the news that's coming out, but Green Lantern's a really stupid idea. Tara: [44:24] Oh no, you snuck it in. You said you We're going to, and you did. Dave: [44:28] Oops. Sarah: [44:28] You did there. Ah, I messed up again. Tara: [44:31] Oh, dear. Dave: [44:31] Our not-quite-loser of the week is Gene Simmons, ordered to never come back by Dancing with the Stars fans after his disastrous scoring. I mean, what a surprise. The guy's 84 or something. He's in his 70s, probably, but at this point. Tara: [44:48] He's real old. Dave: [44:48] Yeah. No free rides. Tara: [44:50] Yeah. But also, like, guys, I think you're fine. Like, it was hair metal night. It's not like I'm going to have him back for Disney night next season. Like, he was probably not going to be booked again. Sarah: [44:59] Although I might watch that if they did. Dave: [45:01] Speaking of No Free Rides, I went in, I was like, I got to find No Free Rides. Because I say it all the time and nobody has any idea what I'm talking about. So I finally tracked down the story. So I'm going to play it for you. It's from a Paley interview with the Conan O'Brien writers. And they're talking about the celebrity secret segment they used to do. Secrets. That one. And this is a story of when Gene Simmons was on it. Dave: [46:10] This is one of my favorite Hollywood stories. Sarah: [46:11] No free rides. Dave: [46:13] Yeah. Tara: [46:13] You can tell I listen to a lot of podcasts because I immediately knew that writer is Mike Sweeney, who I think is still a head writer on the travel show. Dave: [46:22] And it wasn't just that once. Like I tracked down interviews with Gene Simmons where he's talking about people that kicked out of kiss and why no free rides. And he explains what no free rides means in this context. The guy just fucking lets his motto, no free rides. And, uh, he feels like a really gross guy, but I kind of love the no free rides bit of it. Sarah: [46:40] Meanwhile, 50 years ago or almost kiss. It was like kiss versus the phantom at six flags was that movie that they did. And pretty sure six flags, which is full of fucking rides. Not that they're free. got a free ride of publicity on the back of KISS at the drive-in movie theater. So, irony's abounding. Dave: [47:01] That's probably why he's so strong-willed about it now. It's because he never got over it. Got a lot of juice out of Gene Simmons back in the day before he knew any better, before he was young and hungry. Sarah D. Bunting, winner of the week. Not quite. Sarah: [47:13] My not quite winner is Blaine Alexander, who is about to young up the Dateline broadcast. Blaine has been named Dateline's new true crime correspondent. And for once, it's the opposite of the old, we're going to wait for you to either go on mat leave or be about to get back from it and then quote, reorganize the department. This is like totally the opposite of that. Alexander got back from mat leave from having her second child to find out that she was getting this job. So she has done like segments and corresponding for Dateline before and she's good. So that's good news for true crime folk. Sarah: [47:52] My Not Quite Loser is also kind of a true crime thing. Joan has been moved from Wednesdays to Fridays after one airing of the show. It is a ITV property based on a real case of a real like crime godmother and jewel thief from the 80s in Britain. We talked about the show on the docket over at Best Evidence. It's really good. It's well made. It's watchable. but the CW is like the dictionary definition of all over the place right now. And this just isn't the kind of reality-based crime-adjacent programming I think the network thought it was getting. I don't know what it thought it was getting. It doesn't know what it thought it was getting. Anyway, you should absolutely watch Joan, but you should maybe wait for it to come onto BritBox at the end of the year, all in a bundle. Then you get all the swear words and you can just stream it all in one afternoon. But yeah, CW... Calm down. Keep it frosty. Dave: [49:00] Tara, who is your not-quite winner of the week? Tara: [49:02] Well, I'm not really a fan of the TV genre of comedian reluctantly going traveling for show, but I might make an exception for Deezus Nice, because he is going to be doing a travel show at Prime Video. I think when we would talk about Deezus and Mero RIP, Dave and I agreed that Deezus was the funny one and Mero was also there, and subsequently they have broken up, so maybe Deezus agreed. But anyway, he could get me into the genre for the first time. Sorry, Eugene Levy and The Reluctant Traveler did not get me there. Neither did the one with Anthony Anderson and his mother. We'll keep an eye out for that one. My not-quite-loser of the week is Emmanuel Macron. So for anyone who hasn't been watching the latest season of Emily in Paris, the last several episodes involve her going to Rome. And so then at the end of the season, I guess this is a spoiler, there, no one possibly cares who hasn't already watched it, but the company she works for sets up an office there. How can they do this? Will it even still be Emily in Paris? Blah, blah, blah. Tara: [50:05] So out of fear that it's going to turn into Emily in Rome, the president of France has said he plans to fight hard to make sure Emily remains in Paris. And all I have to say about that is, must be fucking nice for this to be the most important thing going on in your life as the president of a country that you can weigh in on a fucking netflix sitcom that is truly and i say this is someone who's watched every episode a c-minus at best and yeah this is what you want to you want to comment on to the public not even to your wife who has cameoed on the show like just keep this between yourselves no one should know that you watch the stupid program. Tara: [50:52] Exactly. Sarah: [50:53] Oh... Tara: [51:00] This extra credit segment comes from me. I called it Finger Licking Good. I originally had a different topic here, and then this happened in last week's episode of The Great British Bake Off. Dave, please play this clip. Tara: [51:24] So that's why the question today is, which Muppet would you eat and why? And I had some caveats, which were, You can't say Miss Piggy or Camilla because those are too obvious. For the non-meat eaters who is everyone but me, a hypothetical plant-based equivalent is hypothetically available. Dave: [51:40] Unless part of- Can't we just hypothetically eat meat in this scenario? Tara: [51:43] I don't know. I'm just saying. I don't want you to be like, well, I guess I have to eat the broccoli from, you know, or the peas or whatever the fuck. I'm trying to anticipate what objections people might have. Dave: [51:53] You're very kind. Tara: [51:54] Have. Anyway, I've asked my co-host to be detailed and specific and bring runners up and why you rejected them. And I have way more to say about those than I do about the ones that I picked. Sarah, why don't you start us off? Sarah: [52:09] I would love to. As is so often true with these extra credits, I way overthought this shit. And I still am not sure that my selection is entirely in the spirit of the thing, but I am going with a two-pack of secondary performance group characters from a single episode of Muppets Tonight. I have a clip. Dave, hit it. Sarah: [52:47] It doesn't, but yeah, I'm eating a whole bunch of Muppets. Specifically, the aforementioned Barbershop Cactus Quartet and the Longhorn Cheddar Cheeses. These Muppets appear together in the second episode of the first season. Various musical groups want to perform with their guest Garth Brooks. Brooks doesn't want to do any of his own songs like the groups had planned and prepared for. This doesn't really render them superfluous according to the episode, but in my version of the universe, we're bending the timeline and plating them as dinner. They're both ovo-lacto-vegetarian-friendly, and they're groups, so there's enough to go around for Dr. Fuckboat party night. As well, if cheddar is not your thing, the Longhorn Cheddars used to be Francois Fromage and his dancing cheeses in other Muppet properties, so you'd rather have a Frange cheese. That option is available. The cacti have showed up in many other Muppet projects, Muppets Now, Muppet Mayhem. They would make a nice jelly to go with the cheese. There are other preparation options there. But let's get, as it were, to the meat of it and the ones I didn't pick. I considered Sam the Eagle. There's a lot of meat on that bone. And he was rude to Liberace on the original Muppet show. Tara: [54:10] I also had Sam Eagle for the political statement, but I rejected him for being probably tough and gamey. Sarah: [54:16] Yep, I agree. There's also like, in my opinion, a feathers to meat ratio problem there. I considered getting around Tara's prohibition on Miss Piggy with the other pigs in space, but that was cheating. I considered Bunsen Honeydew, who seemed like a nice hearty meal, but despite the name, he is still meat and not an actual melon. Plus Beaker is already operating and deep trauma. Let's not make it worse. Everyone else that I considered was either much too meaty or like not meaty enough, like bad hair and fur and feather ratios involved that would not make the Muppet side of it all worthwhile. Also considered taking a few widely despised Muppets off the board in meal form. Clifford the catfish, who we also heard in my clip. Pepe the prawn, who in addition to being a shrimp-esque amuse-bouche is not amuse when it comes to the plate of Latinx shortcutty tropes that he embodies. But in the end, cactus and cheese, it's a little like Top Chef quickfire contrived, but that's the direction that we're going. And everything's bigger in Texas, including the cheese platter of Muppets. Who's next? Tara: [55:34] I'll go next. I'll start with my runners up. I didn't specifically take Big Bird out of the running in my question, but it does kind of feel like cheating. Like when on Project Runway, they're doing the unconventional materials challenge and the designers are like, I'm doing these sheets or these shower curtains. Like, you know, Big Bird is He's chicken adjacent. I also rejected Dr. Teeth. The reason he was a possible was, we assume his stripy arms and torso are a shirt, but what if they're candy? Because they do kind of look like they could be some kind of like stripy hard candy. Sarah: [56:08] Hmm, okay. Tara: [56:09] Sweetums, I can't explain it. I feel like he would taste like spare ribs, just a feeling I get. And Walter from the movie, to remove him from this world, because I think we all hate Walter, Walter sucks. but my answer in fact is the babies the babies are the performers in bobby benson's baby band so there is a level on which maybe they wouldn't mind so much being removed from bobby's care on top of the patently exploitative nature of their relationship he seems like he might not be a great guy there's a an episode in which he gets arrested but obviously anyone who has seen the movie snowpiercer knows why i picked the babies diners in the know will reluctantly tell you babies taste the best. Plus, there are six of them. So you have the option either of cooking them up all at once, do your whole meal prep for the week, or picking a different recipe for each of them. Baby a la king, baby tikka masala, obviously baby tacos on Tuesday, and so on. So the babies of Bobby Benson's Baby Band are on my plate. Dave. Dave: [57:10] I'm happy nobody picked Bunsen Honeydew. You know why? No one likes Honeydew. Tara: [57:14] That's right. Sarah: [57:14] Yeah, it's true. Dave: [57:15] You don't want a high energy Muppet like Animal or Crazy Harry because their meat will be all stringy. I considered volume as a metric. So maybe Sweetums or Mr. Snuffleupagus, but ultimately thought that perhaps that would be more like game meat and therefore gamey and therefore something I wouldn't like. And then I went down to Snuffleupagus rabbit hole. Do you realize how many Snuffleupagus there are in the universe? I had no idea there was more than Mr. Snuffleupagus because when I was a kid, Mr. Snuffleupagus was the one, maybe, that only Big Bird could see. And then they changed that because they didn't want kids not to tell their parents about elephants that touched them or whatever the hell. There is a whole family, direct family, a lot of them. Abe, Abigail, Agnes, Alice, Aloysius, Daddy Snuffle, Grandma Snuffleupagus, Granny Snuffle. That's from different sides of the family. Jane, that's the mom. Or maybe, no, Sally's the mom. I don't know who Jane is. And that's just his direct family. Plus, there's like non-family. There's Rosalyn. Just Rosalyn, not Rosalyn Snuffle anything. Meets at the school. There's Snuffertiti from Egypt. Tara: [58:28] Neat. Dave: [58:28] From Days of the War. Tara: [58:29] That's fun. Dave: [58:30] There's a Mexican one, Señor El Snufflepagio. There's Snuffleupaclaws from Christmas. Tara: [58:38] Sure. Dave: [58:38] There's Arnold Schnuffenpeger. Tara: [58:40] Mm-hmm. Dave: [58:41] And there's Spike Lee, apparently, who played Mr. Snuffleupagus type in something he was on. Tara: [58:47] Uh-huh. Dave: [58:48] Too many Snuffleupagus. You can't go from one to, like, a whole menagerie like that. Tara: [58:52] Mm-hmm. Dave: [58:53] I'm against it. So anyways, Mr. Snuffleupagus is off the table for being too gamey. And then I thought maybe Fozzie Bear, because hear me out, bears hibernate. Tara: [59:03] Right. Dave: [59:03] Therefore, he stores fat over the winter for long periods. So he would have good marbling. Tara: [59:08] Be very tender. Sarah: [59:09] Yeah. Dave: [59:10] One of his favorite foods is honey ice cream. So that would, you know, help as well. Sarah: [59:14] For sure. Dave: [59:15] Natural sweetness to the meat. I thought about Beaker just because like he's the victim of so many science experiments gone wrong. One of them just might be like, holy shit, what is this flavor profile we discovered? It'll be like another Flaming Hot Cheetos success story. But it's also a crapshoot. You might get something truly disgusting. Like in that Taskmaster episode we watched yesterday. Tara: [59:38] Yeah. Dave: [59:38] So my choice is Janice, the lead guitarist from the Electric Mayhem. She's a hippie flower child, so probably vegan or vegetarian. So you're going to get a mellow plant-based diet flavor profile. when you dig into her. She's generally stress-free, if you know what I mean. So minimal stringiness. Sarah: [59:57] Yeah. She's a pot brownie in puppet form. Dave: [1:00:00] Yep. She's pretty agreeable. So maybe might just go along with the whole rendering part of this exercise, which I don't think we really talked about, which is like, come here, come closer. Janice, come closer. What are you doing with the knives? Doesn't matter. She'll just go with it. She's like the guy who answered the one ad for Jeffrey Dahmer. She's like, yeah, all right, fine. I'm into it. And she's probably pre-smoked. So I'm just saying, she's got a lot of things going for her that reduce the amount of work going into eating a Muppet. So my choice is Janice. Tara: [1:00:34] Love it. Great answers, everybody. Dave: [1:00:39] And that is it for this episode of Extra, Extra Hot Great. We rolled with the jam on Roller Jam. Sarah was wheelie impressed with that one, but Tara is worried about quad goals. Before answering your burning Ask ESG questions like, what's the spookiest holiday outside Halloween? We celebrated those who weren't quite the best and worst of the week and wrapped it all up with a look at the best Muppets to eat. Next up, it's Disclaimer with Alan Sepinwalt. That's the name of the show. That is not a disclaimer about Alan Sepinwalt. I think he checks out. Remember. Dave: [1:01:21] I am David T. Cole. And on behalf of Tara Ariano. Tara: [1:01:25] Can I kick it? Dave: [1:01:26] And Sarah D. Bunting. Sarah: [1:01:28] Does my ass look big in this jumpsuit? Dave: [1:01:31] Thanks for listening. We'll see you next time right here on Extra Extra. are you. Sarah: [1:01:55] It's so good so stupid. Dave: [1:01:59] Diatho has our next question now that Abadette, jesus well i did the end of the show so everybody can enjoy whatever just happened to my throat, Dave: [1:02:18] this is extra hot great minis today's topic is muppet takeover. Tara: [1:02:26] Today's mini-topic is an extra credit from our old friend Andrew R. Ewell, who writes, The Muppet Show will soon be quasi-returning as The Muppets, which, by the way, if you haven't already read the Let's Talk It Out by our two resident Muppet experts, Monty Ashley and Adam Grossworth on Previously.TV. Please do, because it's really funny. Sarah: [1:02:45] It is. Tara: [1:02:46] Will be returning as The Muppets. We've also previously seen these Muppet characters in baby form, animated, and on whatever the fuck Muppets Tonight was, Suggesting these characters can possibly translate to any known or future television genre, I guess. Sounds dubious. So he asks us, cast the Muppets however you see fit into a new show or existing show. What Muppet is what type of character? What will be the major conflicts, etc.? And he says his pick would be Muppet SVU with Kermit as Stabler, Miss Piggy as Benson, Gonzo as Munch, and Fozzy as Tuchuola. Weird one. That's not who I would cast. Sam the Eagle would be every dickhead defense attorney because fuck that guy. And the classic Law and Order Chung Chung would be replaced with Bork Bork. Sarah, please go first. Sarah: [1:03:31] Mr. Yule, you took mine. I'm sure you knew that. But I went with Muppet in Search Of. Tara: [1:03:40] Yeah. Sarah: [1:03:41] Except it's the show behind the show. So it's like Unreal in Search Of. Sam the Eagle is the Nemo-ish host. Tara: [1:03:49] Obviously. Sarah: [1:03:49] In this case. and Gonzo and various hens always staff the reenactments and then you have the behind the scenes element, Kermit vetting on screen sources and like breaking the fourth wall to look at the camera all, really dude? So that is my idea. Dave: [1:04:03] Could they be searching for that, like the Bigfoot episode to be that giant, like cousin it looking guy with a huge nose? You know what I'm talking about? Tara: [1:04:10] Yeah. Sarah: [1:04:10] Yes. I know exactly who you're talking about. Tara: [1:04:13] Sweetums? One of those. Dave: [1:04:14] Yeah, Sweetums. Yeah. He looks like Gossamer from like Looney Tunes, you know, like he's, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Tara: [1:04:20] Stephanie. Sarah: [1:04:21] Okay, so I didn't get as elaborate with this as you guys did. My favorite character is Beaker. And so I guess I wouldn't hate seeing him star in a CSI style procedural where he works with forensic evidence and says. Tara: [1:04:34] Meep a lot. Sarah: [1:04:35] Yeah, and banters with the medical examiner. And yes, I'm aware that he doesn't talk per se. I'm not sure that would negatively impact the quality of the show I'm envisioning. And I should also mention that the medical examiner would be played by animal nice actually i had uh people over for brunch this morning and i brought this up and my friend was immediately like mad men you have to do mad men muppet mad men um we didn't take the time to fully cast it but he suggested miss piggy as joan but i like miss piggy olson, sure and. Dave: [1:05:07] Then a guy smiley should be in there yeah mad men as roger. Sarah: [1:05:11] Oh yeah yeah. Dave: [1:05:12] And uh but But. Sarah: [1:05:13] Also getting back to the Beaker thing. Dave: [1:05:14] He could also be in Breaking Bad. And then what's the Scooter? Is that the little assistant from Muppet Show? Tara: [1:05:23] Yeah. Dave: [1:05:23] Yeah. Scooter is Jesse Bankman character. Tara: [1:05:26] Yeah. Dave: [1:05:27] That would work too. Tara: [1:05:27] Yeah. Sarah: [1:05:28] Oh, no. I thought he would be Todd. Dave: [1:05:30] Todd. Who's Todd? Sarah: [1:05:32] Jesse Plemons. Scooter's not Todd. Tara: [1:05:33] Oh, Todd. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dave: [1:05:35] Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Sarah: [1:05:36] Okay. Tara: [1:05:37] Me? You want to finish, Dave? Okay. Mine is Property Muppet Brothers. it's basically just property brothers except walter is drew scott because walter and drew are both basically useless crazy harris carrie is jonathan scott because they're both into demolition and uh statler and waldorf are the bitchy homeowners who are never satisfied, i love. Dave: [1:05:59] This well getting back to the mad mad thing for a second. Tara: [1:06:01] Yes uh. Dave: [1:06:02] Whoever plays boot burt cooper. Tara: [1:06:04] Yeah right so i don't know who. Dave: [1:06:05] That would be who's the old but but there's an actual octopus. Tara: [1:06:08] And a lady puppet in his office. Dave: [1:06:12] I just chose to replace the Colbert report is the America report with San Diego. Tara: [1:06:18] Obviously. Dave: [1:06:19] That's what I'm going with. It's nice and simple.